My Entire Life is an Inquiry...but I Know Yours is Too

my box of memories 22002210– *Proofread, &readytoprint:) 1

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my box of memories Have you ever layed in bed at night, as you’re falling asleep, begin to look back on your day? And as you look back on your day you begin to look back on your week? And as you look back on your week you look back on your month, your year to the point to which memories begin flowing in and out from every point in time? Everyday, we are faced with so much information— and so many forms of it too. Information that becomes translated into those memories that keep you up at night. Information that seems infinite, yet is constantly accumulating with each passing day. I sometimes wonder, to what degree do we have control over the information we process throughout the construction of the stories of our lives? The simple fact that the human condition has gifted us with thought, awareness, and reflection, to me, is a reminder that we also have the potential and responsibility to direct those thoughts, awareness, and reflections towards a constructive outlet. For example, going to RISD was probably the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make. It is one with the potential to define the structure of the next 4 years and beyond of your life. It is a huge emotional, physical, and financial investment. As students therefore we invest not only in the school—but also in every single experience and memory that comes from that decision: 3

welcome to • every person we’ve met • every conversation we’ve had • every note and photo we’ve taken • every lecture we’ve attended • every project we’ve done • every crit we’ve engaged in The documentation of something is inevitably an omission of something else. The reason why these things are such big investments is because the decisions we make on a daily basis have the potential to snowball into the larger paths of our lives & eventually the people we become. Social media and technology have allowed us to cherry pick moments and to craft the narratives of our lives, which I don’t find to be a bad thing. I think taking into account the socio-political climate of the US and the world, a lot of people feel stuck in this system, burdened by a wealth of social, racial, and economic inequalities, and lack of social programs and support etc. And maybe the way we cope with this lack of control is by shaping our own destinies. Understanding the dynamics of documentation is key to seeing it as a system capable of defining the value of your life. These moments, these snippets in time, these memories that we are all accumulating, they all have significance. And this is only the tip of the iceberg—these are all things that can be quantified. What happens when they can’t be, when they’re lost, or forgotten? The lifespan of this 4

my box of memories information is only as long as it is given life, and the same goes for memories. Once they are buried into the depths of accumulation, that materiality (or abstraction) means nothing, if it’s not being cycled through and actively being given value. This is how I feel about my thoughts, memories, photos, and notes, which is why designing my own systems of accountability is an important aspect of this degree project. This is where good design comes in. If our role as designers is to make work informed by the context of our lives—it makes sense that this is extremely complex and has many components because life itself is complex and made up of many components. In a way I am speaking on making a project that reflects the dynamics of life. I want this project to say a lot because I have a lot to say. I want it to be something people have to spend time with, to digest, to think about in the same way that we need time to digest and think about life in general. Which is why it is so important for us to become more aware of what story we are cementifying. Of what is turned into a record or a memory. I’ve made up my mind...I want to remember everything. 5

welcome to da1ly wr1ting X-R-cize (March 28) 850 NOTES—16 MG This document is a collection of notes. Literally just a bunch of notes that I want to print out. We have entered the proofreading As well as the typesetting :) HOW CONNECTED OR DISCONNECTED ARE WE FROM OUR PAST? Is this a giant attempt at closure? Welcome to my set of observations. My box of memories. Maybe this book can be called “lines of thought”? THE RESULT OF EVERYTHING: ★ I want to cherish everything ★ I want to challenge everything ★ I want to process everything ★ I want to document everything ★ I want to experience everything ★ I want to remember everything PRESENT REFLECTIONS: Ok I’m now back in 2018 And present me is reflecting on my notes as a whole. Feels like…I’ve grown a lot in the ways in which I write and use the notes app as a way to express my thoughts. It feels like I’ve developed my own lan- guage and voice and systems of communication as I’ve 6

my box of memories begun to solidify a focus in my work which is also connected to who I am as a person. It’s like, whenever I write something down, or make a decision, or do anything, maybe I should ask my- self how future me would feel about this? How would I react to this outside of the moment? I don’t know why we romanticize this idea of time travel…reading through notes of the past is quite literally making me teleport from time to time and the amount of time periods I am being brought back to in a sort of mechanical way…as opposed to through organic and naturally occurring memories…is quite remarkable in that one minute I am here the next minute I am here. One minute I am experiencing the world and my emotions in one way the next I am expe- riencing it through another, and I am experiencing it also second hand through the context of my life currently aka sitting at my desk in providence after a month in Paris at 11 am because I’ve been waking up early as a senior working on degree project and thinking about how these notes pertain to my growth as an individual after having slept 9 hours and hav- ing dreamt about Paris and flooding in Eunice’s base- ment and spider webs and pools and home and other strange things my mind is in a strange place yet specific and it is influencing or at least adding an- other level to my experience of the past. I was comfortable with the present / more recent notes but as it gets further and further into the past, into things that have changed, into differ- ent circumstances that are really out of my control, 7

welcome to this process of re-living is quite ...traumatic? Or difficult. Or just unpleasant. Because before I was merely copy & pasting text. Now I’m reading it and beginning to be more selective with that I chose. Which is fine, but I think part of me is asking my- self what text I’m comfortable with “sharing” even though i don’t really want this document to be pub- lic yet. I want it to be for me. SO now I’m feeling like this is kind of unfair to my past self because I am literally “curating” out things that present me doesn’t agree with or deem worthy of documentation. Now I know, I’m not always right, I’m not always fascinating. But still. I feel like this project re- ally is about how we craft the stories of our lives. Because thinking about this collection of 900 notes to be my entire life story, the process of bring- ing that entire life story into a single document IS BIAS and IS SELECTIVE AND EXCLUSIONARY AND REDACT- ING UPON THE PERSON I ONCE WAS, PERHAPS IN ORDER FOR GROWTH TO OCCUR. Let’s resume. Scans of notes as cover, Instead of making one book, make a bunch of them [present me note] how quickly these notes can vary from being intellectual and thoughtful and poetic to chaotic and personal and embarrassing. March 6 I always see people asking questions like what is the future of this or the future of that The future of consciousness 8

my box of memories The hidden discoveries of the universe When it is right in front of our eyes Create memories for yourself. And don’t limit yourself to what that might entail March 4 Damn I’m kinda...sick of being nostalgic all the time. Covid has made me hyper nostalgic I’m in design center but reminiscing on the past. Junior and sophomore year Then I walk up the hill and scan into the quad and go up the stairs then bam I’m nostalgic about fresh- man year. I just feel like I’m constantly reminiscing when I lurk around campus that’s all I do and it’s getting kinda annoying Like I wish I didn’t feel so stuck in life because I wasn’t creating any new experiences Like I am But I’m not right nowx 9

welcome to How to normalize, and tell yourself it’s ok to not make memories right now I think that’s the saddest part of covid for me March 3 Perhaps I need to write I am really really tired tonight Like I dont feel like I can really work right now I feel like I just need a break For tomorrow I’m literally just gonna present my two photos and portrait… some notes I took on the read- ing…and I don’t even know where to begin honestly, It is 8pm and I feel kinda overwhelmed honestly Why? Because one second I’m on my Facebook page and I’m like wtf should my cover photo be then the next I’m looking through my screenshots on my desktop and one is of DP meetings another is a screenshot of my notes app, sticky notes app, and google docs all on my desktop next to one another which is so inter- esting to me like this idea of different voices and this kind of system I’ve created for myself to put my thoughts into words and I’m just dropping it in here 10

my box of memories I am so interested in this idea because it’s like this to me is the final step in this giant process that I’ve been working on for years of redaction and editing and going through a filtration process that starts with an idea, and ends with words. Kind of like how when you’re first given a project you have just an idea and then that idea manifests itself into reality But I don’t know Also I have this giant piece of paper on my desk where I’ve been taking notes and my desk is just getting really crusty and cluttered now and I want to clean my room but I’m honestly too tired Then I start to think about my photo class tomor- row and how I just for some reason decided to cut my 11

welcome to hair at home tonight and that all day in Ramons stu- dio I was wishing I had some of that crew hair stuff but I don’t know where it went but it was almost out anyway so maybe I threw it out? SO then I was like OK I should just go to CVS and get some and then I asked Stephanie and she’s in a call until 8:30 so I guess I’ll wait but like do you see what I mean This list is never-ending This is just one day I’ve had many many many days like this What is the point of a daily structure when I feel like I don’t even know Sometimes it seems as though the structure of a day is limiting to ones growth I feel this cyclical nature that I’ve established is not necessarily bad because there are aspects of that structure that specifically allow me to enrich myself— But I do find myself engaging in similar toxic behav- iors and habits like getting locked on social media despite being tired and needing sleep—though I will 12

my box of memories admit I’ve been much better about my sleep schedule since I’ve come home from France and I quite enjoy waking up early and having mornings to myself But now I feel like I can’t really go to bed unless the day has been closed up And every morning I feel like I have to open the day up This idea of the day being opened & closed Every single day Is such an operation One that requires a lot of effort & mental energy. Like Why even go through the motions of Kind of like this idea of what’s the point of making your bed if you’re just gonna mess it up again Whats the point of doing x if it won’t idk I guess goes back to this idea of maintenance It’s the reason why we cut our hair And do laundry And do dishes If your life exists as a net zero Or like a null 13

welcome to And the null is the state in which your clothes are clean your dishes are done and you are fed Every action following that is going to disrupt or deviate from the null, and will require another action in order to return to it I don’t really know why I’m articulating this since it seems so basic But sometimes when I get in a writing mood I feel this desire to be extremely honest, and to artic- ulate the simplicities of everyday life because I feel like this is exactly the kinds of things peo- ple get so all up in their heads about & sometimes we all just need to vent, or to know that we are at least not alone. And maybe this book is not for others, as much as it is for myself, and really just about developing a practice that allows me to find this honesty or to find this level of transparency in simply articulat- ing what is right in front of us. Right? This idea that we spend so much time looking for things when there are beautiful answers right in front of us; this idea that we spend so much time 14

my box of memories asking what the future of technology is instead of acknowledging just how far we have come— we are IN the future Or like...I don’t know Asking about how we can improve as a country I think the answers are literally right in front of us. They’ve been done before. We’ve done them before It is within us because it is within our DNA We are extensions of the universe therefore every- thing we do is uhh... Forgot where I was going with that one. And maybe this writing that I’m doing is like The voice of this generation: speaking with a lot of “likes” Even visually, the format of this language Several thoughts, kind of jumbled together, Speaking on the sporadic nature of the world, Reflects what kind of time we are living in, and Is honest in that sense. Perhaps this sort of self- awareness—of writing that interrogates itself and its influence is what we need 15

welcome to I think also this idea that we’ve become so extreme- ly fluent in the language of typing This IS. a new language This is not really English, if you think about it Typing is its own thing. Because your fingers build the words By clicking on these letters on a keyboard Some can type better than others Like if I couldn’t type I couldn’t—uhhh—like‚ I would be kind of restricted in terms of—typing is something that has revolutionized the way in which we write in that we can type so many words per min- ute and transcribe at a much higher speed, which gives us this incredible ability to transcribe our thoughts in real time as I think I am doing now. To simply close my eyes and to write what comes to mind because I know this keyboard by heart. Isn’t that kind of beautiful? I think about almost if I was blind, I could still express myself with words through this keyboard And the power of those words Sometimes I think about these things deeply, And other times I stop myself and think, maybe I’m just hungry As I am right now Should I make tortellini tonight? Should I make a frozen pizza? Should I warm up that broccoli from the met? 16

my box of memories I think it’s also a question of understanding what your limitations are and where your priorities lie, but there’s literally no reason in pushing yourself past your breaking point. I feel so exhausted right now for some reason so I’m just going to be kind to myself and let myself re- cover and try to get some rest tonight Even though I have a class tomorrow morning AI kind of have the assignment ready Wow this is incredible Am I talking to myself right now I think so It is kind of reassuring that I don’t feel as though there is any judgment upon me at this moment other than from myself And I don’t want to judge myself Well I do but ultimately even though we can be crit- ical of ourselves we also know ourselves best What does it even mean to know oneself aren’t we all humans I think this society has extremely desensitized us from experience Which is why I’m interested in the idea of elevating the everyday 17

welcome to But writing is honestly so fun when you find a way to do it that makes sense to you If only essays could be to just write about anything you want. this idea that when you don’t like something in the world, create your own alternative of it. If you don’t like academic essays, well ok, thats just one way of going about the world. You can write your own essays about anything you want where no one tells you what to do. This is what this is. Its a personal essay. With little to no care about punctuation or grammar. I mean there is a base level of diction that I think is necessary in order to convey my ideas And a base level of conceptual thinking that informs this very process and the things that I want to say, and my analysis of the world, and my openness to un- expected avenues; But that’s exactly it... Theres not a focus on the grammar or diction or so- phistication or whatever because 18

my box of memories I believe that the depth is not to be found in those things, but the actual vulnerability and openness to allow yourself to ramble and end up in a place like right now where I feel like I can say anything and everything I need to say and keep going on forever feeling as though language is an incredible superpower. 19

welcome to I care more about that. Of where I’ve just allowed myself to end up. The end. March 2 I wake up and check social media and experience a reflection of the reality or projection of lives of people around me yet I am more interested in think- ing about my dreams my dreams are more interesting March 1st Welcome to my set of observations! Here you will find some ideas that have popped in my head throughout the course of a remote degree project, something never really done before. Or at least, a year later, we are now enduring the cemen- tified consequences of a truly digital world. ↑MARCH 2021↑ 20

my box of memories Feb 26 (this is from 2019) Sometimes I catch myself tired, confused, homesick, etc. But then I realize that I left my little, so- lidified life & routines in New Orleans, in pur- suit of a very well accredited design school in the northeast. This school is hard; which it should to be, but it is definitely rewarding. In the time I’ve spent here so far I’ve done and learned so much. To my department, thank you for a great year, I love you all. The same goes to my other friends & family who have been there for me. Your presence is appre- ciated and does not go unnoticed. I’m looking for- ward to a much needed summer, and living in my own apt. in Providence next year!! Feb 24 My entire life is an inquiry. The psychological battle of being overqualified yet under experienced. Feb 16 Ok but like Sometimes I have a real frustration with technology PHones aren’t real Notifications aren’t…real. This stupid little device is worthless. Wtf is a notification I’m catching myself living more in the digital world than in the real world and it’s quite frustrating 21

welcome to Feb 15, 2021 hello I feel Stressed Managing a lot of different tasks right now Thinking about Classes starting back up and existing in a state of limbo once again Existing in this room again finding myself kinda bored Keep wanting to feel…something To either go out and be social To clean To be someone To do something To sleep I just don’t know what Thinking about having to apply for jobs Needing to clean and organize my computer Trying to assess what I can handle for this semester Boeuf bourginion Vin Boef Cook for 6min Bacon Onions Crockpot Water to cover meat Bouillon salt stuff Carotte Patate Champ union 3h 22

my box of memories Feb 14 I’m a little tired so my creativity hasn’t been com- ing super strongly today but I will say that the context of this wintersession is very different. Flying back from Paris on a transatlantic flight. Like wow.This is not my trip to New Orleans; this is much bigger, more intense. The impossibility of the world. Traveling at the fastest distance possible At least that I’ve experienced, Air travel. Looking out the window and realizing that all of this land is connected but in order to travel, or more often in people’s lives, they just grow up in one space, which is so dumb, because the world is so huge society should really be built around its connectivity. How has globalization changed our sense of community? 23

welcome to You see the power this planet holds The scale of it all Its really massive Nature is strong—but it is also the sensitive. Anyway. Security @ Roissy: Everything has gone wrong Like— They tell my mom she can’t follow me to my gate be- cause of covid Then oh, I need to go print my boarding pass Ok let me go do that Then going through douane, a man tries to skip ev- eryone A woman breaking down crying The security people casually chatting, while block- ing the entrance to security as there are hundreds of people trying to get to their flight Then security oh my god No canister to dump water out Then it’s take this thing out of the bag And put this in this bin Then they threw my face wash out WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE FACEWASH IT PASSED FINE ON THE WAY HERE Then they make me take my shoes off and stand in that fancy thing that scans who knows what Then, my bag gets STUCK on the rolling thing Behind plastic panels, so I can’t reach to pull it out Then people are mad because my bag is blocking their stuff from coming out, running into mine, no one is doing anything People reaching over me to grab their things 24

my box of memories Then I’m trying to tell the security people you have to stop it And the guy is like ne vous inquiétez pas monsieur like no I’m leaving soon, je vais m’inquieter!!! Then, Boarding closes in like 10 minutes And of course my gate is on a different level. I have to go down. And present my papers AGAIN COVID Test result Statement on leaving the territory Make me fill out ANOTHER form Then go to ANOTHER checkpoint Who looks at everything AGAIN Make me take out my laptop AGAIN They scan my fingers AGAIN, scan my butt and ankles At this point I’m like I literally i passed your 10 security checkpoints, please let me go And now, I’m sitting in this shuttle just waiting for the last people I guess, I don’t know What are you rebelling against? There is a transgressive air to activism politics So now the line is blurred. It seems like modern transgression is simply being independent autonomous and unapologetic and finding confidence in a system that is designed to make you feel insecure but also the problem is that it creates an unrealistic stan- dard for others to achieve so in that sense it is a broken, unsustainable system that reflects the social class and economic structures of society despite its interconnectedness and illusion that everyone is equal. Me for example, the music I listen to The clothes I wear being second hand 25

welcome to people who only listen to artists because they’re popular, and are getting a lot of attention You should listen to it because you like it Don’t wear clothes bc they’re big brands, but bc they’ll keep you warm, and are comfortable However, I participate in this social privilege structure by attending a private institution, trav- eling, using technology Graffiti - a reclaiming and dominating of public land Feb 13 Jaures Gare du Nord H train Gare de pontoise Enghien les bains Feb 11 Peas carrots bacon meat Voiture 7 706 Voiture 5 place 553 Rue de la Mozaya petite maisons Pierre.falandry@gmail.com Manchester by the Sea Tati Paris Feb 9 I think while yes it is important to be self-per- ceptive I also think it is also important to leave room for yourself to be perceived by others. Which is hard, when there’s so much pressure for you to 26

my box of memories be someone, or to be something, or to be a certain way, but I think at a certain point, it’s the same idea as letting your work speak for itself. You have to let your body and your energy and everything that you encapsulate, speak for itself. 2hrs: Botzaris Rue de maizea Go down to Belleville through avenue l’inspecteur ) south( Télégraphe jusqu’à Belleville La 2 vers pt dauphine Blanche Moulin rouge Feb 7 I’m just gonna keep complaining bc this haircut took out all my volume and made me so crusty. I’m sick of having to wait months for my hair to grow out just so it can be badly cuz all over again. Feb 5 Ask mamie where she got this mattress Théâtre national de Nice uses gopher I think Feb 3 Short and sweet winter session journal entry. hello. it is nearing the end of winter session. I honestly expected myself to use this period to pro- cess the past semester and Christmas break in New Orleans and all that. But honestly I feel like it’s so far from me now. I have work and I loved all my 27

welcome to classes last semester and had a pretty positive ex- perience, but I feel like was all a blur and in the past and I am ready to move on from it. I also just wanted to vocalize the fact that this is kind of going to be a lot—the next three months of my life. Here’s a list of this context. DP: the pressure of creating a powerful and indica- tive representational piece of all I’ve learned at RISD. All of my experiences and growth as a person and academically. Where I am in life NOW versus 3 years ago is completely different and each year was different because of its surrounding context. Graduation: Processing the fact that this experience of college is ending. Period. This is the last se- mester of me being at RISD! This has honestly been such a journey of meeting so many people and as I said already all of my growth both as a person and academically. How will I grow in my last semester? What will I learn? What will the grand finale look like? What’s next? Job applications. Sending resumes. Portfolios. Fig- uring out what the next thing in life is on my own. Finding housing: Wherever I find a job I will also need to find a place to live So in essence, in the next three months I am going to simultaneously create a synthesis of my time at RISD. 28

my box of memories I am closing one chapter, while starting to write a new one at the same time. So which is it? Is it closure? Or starting something new? It feels like both and the same time and that’s a lot to process. Feb 2 Why do we even attempt to represent the vast spec- trum of humanity within the confines of a 3 squared grid? The depictions of our lives is entirely depen- dent now on technology and phones and phone cameras and little recording devices. ↑FEB 2021↑ 29

welcome to Jan 31 To not only keep adding to your experiences, but to revisit past ones; To mix & match from different periods and combine memories with one another * I wrote this while visiting Frank and Aloa in Creteil; the suburbs of Paris I once stayed at a few summers ago. I had just finished freshman year I be- lieve and hadn’t even entered graphic design yet. Yet in that point and time, I felt so solidified with who I was as a person. It was incredible walking down that road I had not seen in years and be tele- ported back to what seemed like yesterday and to process just how much has changed in so little time. Salmon and avocado La villa du docteur blanche corbusier Smoked sausage What’s the point of fame and fortune if you don’t have people who truly care for you I’d rather have a small but profound impact ~ than a large but superficial one In a cemetery now How selfish it is that some humans get more elaborate graves than others You’re dead. who cares Jan 30 Don’t be scared of text It’s just words 30

my box of memories You think them all the time And these words will teach you things Elevate the process and work in progress A system that values experimentation It’s literally just a question of time I want to write a good informed paper, But I don’t have the time I have too many distractions Jan 28 You know honestly the 24 hour system is starting to grow on me The whole 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 pm thing is kinda stress- ful, bc it makes it feel like the day is shorter as it becomes split between into two halves. For every opportunity there is to do wrong, there is one to make right I don’t know what happened but I was just possessed by a stream of consciousness idea that allowed me to put a lot of my thoughts into words and I think I should write them down. Question: what are we considering worthy of communi- cation in fields like graphic design and academia? —The movement and flow of people (wayfinding) —Brand identities —Message conveyed typographically, through words —etc Because of the large scale role of capitalism, cor- porations, and the corruption of society by big 31

welcome to banks, big pharma, big oil, etc, as modern forms of colonialism, genocide, gentrification, and white su- premacy—all of which has become infiltrated into the systems by which society runs… It makes sense then that a lot of our communication inevitably becomes an extension of these power structures. ...so, less so of our everyday experience of the world as human beings (or rather...whose everyday experience of the world?) A lot of the things we study in academia uphold a disconnect between the reader and the writer. The human being on the other side is removed. In order to confront consciousness and these “ex- istential mysteries” we so strongly desire answers for, we need to communicate and study our every- day experiences: what it means to be alive, what it means to be a member of society, how we define commu- nity in a time of globalization: ★ How have cities been built? ★ What are their foundations? ★ In what order? ★ On what land? ★ How do modern systems of public transportation function? How were they designed? ★ Where does our energy and resources come from? ★ How is everything created? ★ How do our factories operate and why are they so invisible? ★ How does consciousness behave? ★ How does the body sustain itself? 32

my box of memories ★ What are the agricultural systems in which we are so dependent on yet also know nothing about? ★ How are we able to regulate the environments in which we live through personalization, decora- tion, temperature, and furniture? ★ How do we craft our own identities? Through wardrobes, through the ways in which we speak and interact with others? How does this change across cultures? ★ Where does our waste go? Like seriously? Why don’t we learn about waste management systems? Why are they invisible? ★ Where is the line between social and profes- sional? Between casualty and formality? Why does it exist? All of these things are connected. They are the man- ifestations of consciousness and our experience of the world. We’ve lived on this planet for a long time. While it may be tempting to look at the future, to look towards the day we will understand conscious- ness and be able to manipulate it, to idealize the day we will understand everything, It’s pointless, because the answers are right in front of us. Our society is flawed. It is a corrupt political mess. But if your point of reference is the beginning of 33

welcome to time, we have come a long way. Entire cities have been built from scratch (through the exploitation of labor, slavery, inhumanity and cruelty, construction workers who are also invisible who have created highways, buildings, and the houses in which we live). If I get sick I have the option to go to the hospital. Even though I would proba- bly go bankrupt—I’m not saying it’s not flawed, it’s very flawed. While there are people who are complete- ly left out of these systems and that’s something we need to fix, it’s kind of mind-blowing to think about the systems humans have accomplished and I’m grate- ful to navigate through as I grow older. Implementation of technology, our ability to commu- nicate with people on the other end of the world and to record and to document Air travel What does THAT mean? How have we gotten to all of this? THAT is where we need to start. We need to stop thinking that the answer lies in the future and doing more research into the human brain and work with what is right in front of us. The ways in which humans behave Interact with each other Educate ourselves Create systems Have visions of societies we want to live in. That is consciousness. 34

my box of memories Consciousness is our experience of the world. So what experience of the world have we created? And how is it flawed? And is the flawed nature of it an inevitable part of consciousness? Because the universe is flawed. And if we are a product of the universe so are we. The universe is impossible. The impossibility of the world. What does that mean? Sometimes it feels impossible to exist. I get over- whelmed. Incapable. Even if I cut things out creat- ing time for other things—there will always be some- thing else being left out Even how hard it can be to get comfortable in bed. Plugging my phone in, dropping my AirPods, I feel sore, ave trouble moving This constant feeling of impossibility 35

welcome to Always having to clean even though you just cleaned feeling like you never get a break How can I be expected to apply to all these jobs, if the response rate and success rate is so low, and when all we hear is these success stories and famous people? How does that happen? How do people become successful? what is success? How realistic is it? There are issues of depictions of reality. Fashion Industry and unattainable beauty standards: first of all you need to have money to buy fashion- able clothing and time to invest in a nice wardrobe I mean look at the punk movement that normalized not having much: that is everyday people Everyday people are not these unattainable beauty standards They are not models They don’t want much They don’t ask for much But there are people like that that rise to the top and create unattainable standards for everyone This dynamic occurs across all spectrums In the career industry Students in college seeing people getting research published, who are making amazing artistic work who get their work shown in galleries leading movements and leading philosophies HOW AM I GOING TO INSERT MYSELF IN THAT WORLD? And even if I do, There are plenty of people who will not... Do their experiences just not matter? Ofc not!! 36

my box of memories By accepting fame, you are succumbing to these op- pressive structures that reject narratives of other people If I ever develop a large platform, that needs to be part of the message I broadcast. This universality that I am simply conveying my ex- perience of the world and that everyone has an expe- rience of the world worth conveying and communicat- ing and analyzing that’s all that I’m doing In order for me to do that though, I first need to be present in the world. Open to criticism and to be vulnerable. Open to new experiences, to learn and to grow, and to push myself and put myself in uncom- fortable situations. But it’s not easy! Success—is hard and difficult When have you grown the most? At the time you prob- ably felt extremely overwhelmed, and corrupted in your thoughts, but in retrospect it is those times in which you push yourself the most that you grow the most. You have to be open to all of those things. Emo- tionally and physically vulnerable. You have to in- vest your time time you could be spending on other things, like sleeping, or doing nothing The difficulty of growth is what makes it seem impossible. 37

welcome to Even the maintenance of our everyday lives feels im- possible when you’ve been thrusted into this world that has so many objects and responsibilities. The impossibility of the world connects to this idea that our world is hard to manage. Like when you start working on a project and it just does not go in the right direction and you feel like you need to scrap everything and start over? I think that’s in a way what life is like. You have to draw the parallels between your life on an individual scale and the manifestation of humani- ty on a larger societal scale, because the same ways in which you start a project and need to start over from scratch, because you were wrong, and it didn’t feel right, is exactly the growth of humanity from generation to generation. We develop these systems on an extremely large scale and sometimes they work and sometimes the don’t But the problem is unsustainable. Cities don’t allow themselves really to be completely rebuilt. Paris / Haussmann rebuilding the city, making boule- vards, How many cities do we know being completely torn down and rebuilt? Now Its more about implementing sustainability with- in our pre-existing structures, just trying to make connections between the small and large scales. This universe is impossible In order to confront that impossibility, instead of saying we’re looking for the answer, look in the op- posite direction. 38

my box of memories This idea of having a beautiful sunset in front of you—but sometimes where you really need to look is right behind you. This perspective and speech is a product of my expe- rience of the world: of the fact that I grew up in New Orleans, with some rich high school experiences, Then I went to art school and got thrusted in the world of fine arts and grew and became a different person And now being in graphic design thinking a lot about the ways in which we communicate with people I wouldn’t think this way if I didn’t have this life. I think a lot of people are stuck in struc- tures that don’t give them freedom, but you need freedom and liberty in order to learn.You need to take risks, and make yourself vulnerable, break yourself down and build yourself back up from scratch. That’s the kind of mentality that we need when we confront these ideas about the universe and con- sciousness. We’re not asking the right questions. What if you had people like me leading curriculums? Leading politics? They would look completely different. 39

welcome to To summarize: The importance of everyday people and experiences. The answers are right in front of us. JAN 25 Not only the impossibility of the world But the desire to prove the world wrong and to do the impossible I feel as though the steaks are very high for me right now On my mind and on my body I feel as though simply since junior year, the joy and love of being a student has been compromised by a pressure to keep employment in mind, internships, etc. I cannot Handle the ways in which she keeps comparing me to others It hurts Because what she’s saying is you’re not doing any- thing And I can feel the disapproval in her voice The role of stress versus reassurance And also how false this assumption that the fact that I don’t have something lined up yet equates to having done nothing. Why are we so afraid to question our nature It’s not like asking questions is going to change our fate Change the fact that we exist 40

my box of memories Why are all of these articles told through such a scientific perspective I just want someone to read me their thoughts Again, hating this idea that writing is extremely cu- rated to convey a world that is so distant from the audience and therefore inaccessible. Like can we all just be realistic here The notion that average everyday people “believe” in the Big Bang I remember when I was a kid I used to say to others quite proudly that I was an atheist and I didn’t be- lieve in god and I believed in the Big Bang. I think an issue is one the personification of God when God isn’t really a big man in the air with a beard God is more of a substance, an energy, a spiritual force and way of thinking and philosophy. Now frame it in that context and I may begin to understand. Anyway, while what I was trying to say as a kid was that I believed in science and trusted the research that all these people have done and published and verified or whatever, I find it so funny and naive. That like a 10 year old would walk around saying he believed in the Big Bang. Its all hypothesis!! 41

welcome to and you think thinkDo you ever just lay in bed at night wanting tothink about your life and you end up think about your dayyou beginto think think about your week you start to about your month and then as you f about your week and then as your about your month you then start to think about your day and then as alling down the slippery slope of reflect and reflect? 42

my box of memories It never ends. It feels as though you could reflect for an eternity. Yet you are stuck in this loop of living more and more experiences and it almost feels as though now as a 21-year-old I already have an entire lifetime worth of things, of overlapping of moments in time, to reflect upon. 43

welcome to Jan 2020 I hate that the ideas that I’m thinking of in such a revolutionary way are kind of coming to fruition with advancements in social media and iOS design. The widgets update allows you for example to have random photos pop up which kind of serves as a re- minder of their existence. Stories and captions al- low you to merge photo and text. And the worst one is graphic design trends that are so abstract and conceptual and that ask you about how you’re feel- ing: increased awareness of self. Everything I want to do seems to have already been done. How can I break that? The Lost Art of Street Typography Jan 20 Technological anxiety. So afraid of missing something important, an email, a message, a notification, I just want to rest. Sometimes you just need to listen to your brain. 44

my box of memories Bolivar Jaures (2) — Place de Clichy (13) Châtillon Montrouge — 6 stops Varenne Jan 18 Palais du sultan I often go to bed wishing I could somehow put into words or articulate the degree to which my love for the world exists and what it means and why. Usually I’ll get in bed and for a moment feel stressed out and think about oh I should text Margo being like hey Margo I don’t know what your schedule is but Lene told me she was busy or texting Léopold like hey idk if u wanna hang but I literally have no friends in Paris or feel guilty about not answering Dina at 1am but then it’ll start remembering that I’m in Paris and think about all these cities and what it means to live in this time where I can just pick a city and plop into it and live there or Ava Jennings too I just remembered I think of the quart- ier latin and wanting to explore a different spot in Paris each day. I think about getting a good night sleep and starting a new day. Of a whole career ahead of me. And I just feel grateful. Honestly I just want to live in cities That’s it That’s what I want 45

welcome to I want to be able to say that I live in blank city I need to move around a lot Incorporate travel Like How am I supposed to decide where in the world I should settle like I need options. But yeah Boston Montreal Paris New York Even cities in the us Midwest La Chicago Indianapolis idk Savannah London --------- The impossibility of the world—how we’ve been placed in this world that despite fully conquered & civi- lized is still too big and unmanageable, flying right now thinking about how overwhelming air travel is and how truly large this planet is not to mention the universe. Also thinking about scale in that as humans we are limited in scale to our experience of the world. We have had to build interstates and cre- ate machines to catapult us into the air for hours. 46

my box of memories While the internet has crunched and flattened distance on a digital level, it still exists on a physical and geographical one. The contrast between knowing a city like the back of your hand and feeling completely lost and realizing that everyone in the world has their set of famil- iarities but they are foreign to you, similarly your set of circumstances to not exist to others or the similarities in world view you build with people on a generational level or on a geographical level or ex- periential level I think the problem is that the rest of the world doesn’t think like designers do, particularly in their curiosity and their drive to ask questions and to speculate in order to unveil new avenues. I feel as though we live in an extraordinary complex world that has been completely dominated by humani- ty. Humanity is fascinating. But I don’t think peo- ple think about it enough. People don’t care about how cities and highways are built because they’re like oh the government is evil. I wish we cared more about what the engineers had to say. About what the 47

welcome to construction workers had to say. What the geogra- phers and scientists and mathematicians had to say. Even in terms of the universe. Every universe docu- mentary I watch is a rehash of the same formula and structure. They’re all asking how big is it or how hot or how bright and trying essentially to trans- late this stuff into human terms but the problem is that these questions are impossible to translate into human terms in order to broaden our understand- ing of the universe we need to be asking the why’s— the simple things. The going beyond. People don’t ask why enough. What does it mean to be an engaged member of soci- ety? To be actively playing and engaging with the world as if it were a giant obstacle course, play- ground? Bending the rules of society? Or at least, understanding that they exist and understanding them very well while I JUST SNEEZED IN MY MASK A meditation video, and falling asleep meditation that doesn’t rehash the same Phrase telling you to breath in and focus on their breath. Yeah i know...thats not why people have trouble sleeping, It’s because they’re anxious What they need to hear is: 48

my box of memories You are a human being. You are meant to sleep. Your body is meant to sleep. It is built for this. You are tired. You work up this morning not feeling rested enough. Yet you pushed through the day. You got up and you fed yourself and you woke up eventually. Now you have a moment to finally turn everything off. You don’t need to worry about whatever it is you’re worrying about. You don’t need to worry about anything. And this is what I mean by not asking the right questions and the rest of the world not thinking like designers, What does it mean to tell people what they need to hear? Telling the world what I myself wish I had heard growing up. Also, why are we asking questions about the universe when we have so many mysteries that I feel like we 49

welcome to can work on our communication of answers to? Perhaps this opens a new Avenue for education in general, our current high school curriculums have a lot of room for improvement. You don’t learn any- thing if you’re not engaged. Creating engagement is therefore the most important thing. Even my music library. The impossibility of listening to it all I want the songs I listen to to be intentional, but it’s impossible. There are at least 35 songs I’d like to be listening to right now, but I have to settle with just one?? JAN 18 {Patterns of life of settling and displacement And settling again} Starts off with sleep and wake. When you wake up you start your day Drink coffee Get dressed Alert. Active. Productive & when you go to bed you end the day. Wind down Mansfield is cute 50