Donene Preview

Heart of A Champion



Heart of A Champion PROVEN STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU DISCOVER THE HEART OF A CHAMPION THAT BEATS WITHIN YOU DONENE TAYLOR

Copyright © 2019, Donene Taylor. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Requests for authorization should be addressed to: Donene Taylor, PO Box 504, Glen- Rock, Wyoming 82637 or [email protected] Epigraph from THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK: THE ROMANCE OF SELF-DISCOVERY by Portia Nelson. Copyright © 1993 by Portia Nelson. Reprinted with the permission of Beyond Words/Atria Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved. Graphic Design support by Roper Taylor Watercolors by Josey Butler, and Streakin B Equine Art and Design Cover design by Ivica Jandrijevic Interior layout and design by Writing Nights. www.writingnights.org Book preparation by Chad Robertson Edited by Chad Robertson ISBN: 13: 978-1-7330676-0-7 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA: Names: Taylor, Donene, author Title: Heart of A Champion / Donene Taylor Description: Wyoming: One Spotted Pony Publishing, 2019 Identifiers: ISBN 978-1-7330676-0-7 (Perfect bound) | 978-1-7330676 (eBook) Subjects: | Non-Fiction | Memoir | Adversity | Eating Disorder | Rodeo | World Champion Classification: Pending LC record pending One Spotted Pony Publishing Printed in the United States of America. Printed on acid-free paper. 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my husband, Stan. While I was writing this book, I fell in love with you all over again. As I pursue my dreams it amazes me. You have never once judged me, and you have always believed in me. You loved me even when I believed I was un- lovable. I love you always forever.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters I. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. II. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. It isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. III. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there, I still fall in. It’s habit. It’s my fault. I know where I am. I get out immediately. IV. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V. I walk down a different street. — Portia Nelson

CONTENTS DEDICATION v EPIGRAPH vi CONTENTS vii FOREWORD xi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS xiii INTRODUCTION 1 Chapter 1—Love at First Ride 7 ALWAYS FINISH STRONG 12 WORDS ARE POWERFUL 19 INCH BY INCH, IT’S A CINCH! 21 ASK THE QUESTION 26 WE START WHERE WE START, AND WE WORK OUR WAY UP 29 Chapter 2—Who You Invest Your Time with Matters 32 “JUST FOLLOW THE CLOTHESPINS.” 35 FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL 39 GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND DOWN ON PAPER 43 PRACTICE ‘TIL YOU CAN’T GET IT WRONG 46 IT’S OK TO BE THE ODD GIRL OUT 50 FOCUS ON FUN, NOT FAILURE 52 Chapter 3—It’s Always Darkest Just Before the Dawn 56

viii 63 66 “YOU JUST GOT SCOPE BIT.” 69 IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP 71 LETTING GO IS HARD 74 “RUN DOWN THAT DREAM.” 79 FIRE BEFORE YOU’RE READY 82 NEVER LET GO OF YOUR DREAMS 85 GET BACK ON THE HORSE 91 “YOU NEED TO HAVE ICE WATER IN YOUR VEINS.” 95 “LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND HAVE FUN!” IF YOU CHANGE NOTHING, NOTHING WILL CHANGE 98 107 Chapter 4—Nothing Is Carved in Stone 112 BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES 115 MAKE THE JUMP STEP UP AND OUT 119 123 Chapter 5—Go Get Your Dream 130 “SKEERED BUT DOING IT ANYWAY.” 135 LARGER THAN LIFE 139 RAISE THE BAR 142 “I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL I’M BETTER THAN I WAS BEFORE.” “BULLETPROOF.” 145 150 Chapter 6—The Definition of Insanity 156 TAKE OFF THE MASK 160 “NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A WORLD CHAMPION.” IT WILL TAKE HARD WORK

ix 167 170 LIVE WITH NO REGRETS 172 “YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT.” 175 RIDE YOUR GOOD HORSE FIRST “FIND A WAY.” 186 189 Chapter 7—My Kingdom for a Horse 194 JOY IS IN THE JOURNEY 197 TALK LESS, SAY MORE PERMISSION GRANTED 201 206 Chapter 8—Strong Women Empower Women 211 IT’S ALL IN THE DETAILS 215 “SHORT MEMORY.” 221 FAIL BEAUTIFULLY JUMP OFF THE FENCE 228 234 Chapter 9—Choose Your Focus Wisely 237 GET BIG 240 EMBRACE THE SUCK 246 RAISE YOUR BASEMENT 251 TRAIN WITH YOUR END GOAL IN MIND 259 THE SECRET IS IN YOUR ROUTINE 263 SHARPEN YOUR AX 272 GREEN MEANS GO! 278 STAY SPARKED 282 OPEN YOUR MIND TRAIN IT, THEN TRUST IT

x 286 291 DATA DOESN’T LIE TRUST YOUR TRIBE 296 318 Chapter—10 The World Finals THE WINNER 322 326 Chapter 11—After the Win 331 WHAT I THOUGHT WINNING THE WORLD WOULD GIVE ME 335 THE JOURNEY NEVER ENDS WHAT ARE YOUR BOLD GOALS? 337 About the Author

FOREWORD Back in 2013, I got a call from a number I didn’t know with a 307-area code. I’ve been around the country enough to know that’s the only area code in the Cowboy State of Wyoming, but I couldn’t really think of who would need something from me there. On the other end of the line was the voice of a meek woman, mus- tering up the courage to introduce herself. I could tell that this lady—she said her name was Donene Taylor—had rehearsed her request a few times. “I need your help,” she said. Donene, then 49 years old, had some goals. She wanted to be the world champion calf roper in the Women’s Professional Rodeo Asso- ciation. She wanted to tell her story—in what would become this book—and she wanted to ride down the alleyway at the Thomas & Mack Arena in Las Vegas during the Wrangler National Finals Rodeo. She called needing my help in the calf roping, but what she didn’t know, and what I frankly didn’t know either, was that I needed hers. I came from a legacy ranching family, treated like one of the boys in and out of the arena. I never for a second thought I was lesser than, doubted myself or my abilities, or questioned if I’d win world titles. Donene, on the other hand, lived a very different story. By the time I met her, she was whipped down. But like the title of this book says, even then, she had the heart of a champion beating inside her.

xii I watched as she embraced adversity with more try, and more focus, than I’d ever known in the best cowboys in the sport. She was willing to do anything and everything to be the best version of herself—the world champion version of herself. She told me one time that she was a person with average skill but phenomenal will. She did everything that no one else did to accomplish her goal. She had a goal, put a plan and strategy in place, and then literally relentlessly pursued it. If there was anything she needed to do to improve, she got it done, no matter the mental or physical cost. Through coming to know her, I came to better see myself. I came to understand my journey, to see my way forward through impossible times, and to know who it was I could truly count on to lead the way. Donene crafted and trusted the process, and today is a leader in the roping industry as well as the mental coaching field. She’s someone with whom I’ve trusted with my life and my career—and someone whose story I’m honored to introduce here. Lari Dee Guy World Renowned Roping Clinician, Coach and Horse Trainer 8X Women’s Professional Rodeo Association World Champion July, 2019 Abilene, Texas

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I have learned unequivocally: No one gets anywhere or accomplishes anything challenging, difficult or worthy, alone. For a long time, im- portant pieces were missing from my life—connecting with others; building genuine and authentic relationships; asking for help and step- ping up to help others. Once I began changing my mindset, everything began to change. I think Maya Angelou sums it up perfectly: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” To Dad: Thank you for investing countless amounts of time, energy and re- sources into me. The sacrifices you and Mom made, made a difference in who I am. Thank you for your support, understanding, and uncon- ditional love as I unpacked my stories in the writing of this book. I love and appreciate you to the moon and back. To Stan: Thank you for surrounding me with love and providing me a soft place to land when I failed. I didn’t expect the second, third, and fourth chances you’ve given me, but it made all the difference. I’ve learned so much by watching you.

xiv To Hunter and Roper: Thank you for your unconditional love and support. I have made many mistakes being your mom. I love how you both continue to grow me each and every day. You make my life so much richer, deeper, and meaningful. I’m beyond excited to see you both run down your dreams! I love you both bunches and bunches. To Camille DePutter: Thank you for reading my “humungous document” and taking me on as a client. Your expertise, unfathomable support and patience brought us to this point—my first book. I’m so grateful to have you in my elite inner circle. You helped me tap into my most vulnerable self as I shared my stories. Thank you for listening and working with me with your whole heart! To Ashley Goforth: Thank you for reaching out to me at just the right moments. Your timing is impeccable! I am truly blessed to have you in my life. I am grateful for your uncommon friendship. I appreciate your patient ded- icated support, and professional assistance as we navigated getting this book across the finish line. To Chad Robertson and his incredible team at Writing Nights: Thank you for investing a remarkable amount of time, effort, and energy into editing my book and its design. It is exactly how I envi- sioned it! You are the rock stars of the publishing world! I appreciate your professionalism in helping me “slay” my bold goal of becoming a published author. To Josey Butler at Streakin’ B Equine Art and Design: Thank you for sharing your phenomenal artistic gifts and talents by painting the watercolor art for the front and back covers of my book.

xv You captured the true essence of my book; the beauty of imperfect per- fection. We all are unique. Having the courage to embrace our imper- fect perfections and allowing them to be part of our journey is when we truly connect with others. I am blessed to have developed a special re- lationship with you! To Brian Cain, MS, CMAA: You single-handedly transformed my life in and out of the rodeo arena. My life is never the same after a mentoring session with you. You called me up from the beginning and have never held back. You are the accountability partner of all accountability partners! Thank you for continuing to mentor me as I pursue each of my bold goals. To Troy, Martee, and Riley Pruitt: I am indebted to you for everything you’ve done for me over the past 20+ years. Words cannot express how grateful I am to each of you. I trust someday I will have the opportunity to pay you back. I am look- ing forward to it! My life is so much better because of each of you. To Lari Dee Guy: Thank you for empowering me and encouraging me to consistently use my voice. You broke open my mind, my heart, and my entire World! You spoke life into my spirit when I needed it the most. You are beyond gifted and talented and you work on your gifts and talents every single day. You are my inspiration. What I aspire to be. To Hope Thompson: Thank you for always being uplifting and my voice of reason when I needed it most. Thank you for always finding the best moments to challenge me—calling me up to be my best.

xvi To Julie Fox, MS, LPC: The first time I sat across from you I was filled with so much shame, guilt, and hatred towards myself. I was so scared. Thank you for always sitting in my mess with me and helping me to make sense of it all. Your non-judgmental compassion, kindness, patience and professional ex- pertise allowed me to open up, begin to heal, and find myself. To Emily Cook, MPT: Thank you for consistently showing me what true altruism looks like. Thank you for warming my heart and making it bigger. You have been an instrumental force in my life. You challenged me, encouraged me, and inspired me to become someone I had no idea I was even ca- pable of becoming. My life would not be the same if had I not had the opportunity to work with you. To Dr. George Marble, DVM: Thank you for always treating my horses and myself like we were your most valuable clients. For almost two decades, I’ve learned so much about horse health and lameness from you. However, the biggest lessons I received were from watching how you treat others, build rela- tionships, and bring excellence and love into all that you do. I appreci- ate your heart and your friendship. To Scott Shoemaker: Thank you for all your farrier expertise, and for the almost two dec- ades you shared it with us. If it had not been for you, my Dream Team, Chester and Rusty, would not have remained sound. That is a fact. I cherish your friendship and committed support as I pursue each of my bold goals. I’m looking forward to our next 20 years.

xvii To Dr. Kenzie Mares, DVM and her extraordinary staff: Thank you for understanding just how much I love my horses and how much I love my roping calves. Your professionalism, warmth, and sincerity never wavered—even during my OCD moments. Thank you for your grace and for your friendship. To Jamie Gilbert: Thank you for validating that my stories are impactful and empow- ering for others. Thank you for investing time in coaching me on how to unpack my stories. I appreciate you helping me get outside my com- fort zone in a variety of ways. I am grateful for the opportunity to have worked with you. To Joshua Medcalf: Thank you for allowing me to contribute ideas to your book, Pound the Stone. While doing this, I was definitely outside my comfort zone. When you used a couple of my story ideas in your book it felt surreal to see them in print. Joshua, you breathed life into my bold goal of wanting to become an author. Your generosity in giving me that op- portunity helped shape my life. To Dr. Rob Gilbert: Thank you for all of the incredible wisdom, knowledge, and enthu- siasm you poured into me. Taking action on what I learned from you has been an absolute game changer for me. Thank you for mentoring me. It has been a privilege getting to work with you. To Kelli Powers Word: Thank you for investing time in working with me and taking me under your wing when I was a little girl. You made a huge impact and

xviii had so much influence on my life. It still brings a smile to my face when I recall things you said or did back in the day. I am grateful for the work ethic you instilled in me at a young age. To Christine McAlister: Thank you for the extreme mentoring sessions. I love this quote I learned from you, “You can’t read the label when you’re inside the jar.” Christine, thank you for helping me to read my label! You expanded my mindset, perception and helped me gain clarity. To each of my amazing clients—those I’ve already coached and those I will coach in the future—as you do the work to develop your Elite Mindset and Mental Performance Strategies: It is an honor and a privilege to get to serve you and coach you. Having the opportunity to work with you gives me so much joy! Your desire and focus in striving to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be keeps me energized to do the same. Thank you for all your smart work and hard work. Striving together we can all get better.

INTRODUCTION For thirty-eight years I had a dream. That dream was to become a World Champion Tie-Down Calf Roper. Roping was my biggest passion and winning the World was always a dream in my heart. For years I pursued my dream. Along the way there were setbacks, roadblocks, tragedies, and what sometimes seemed like insurmountable challenges. Sometimes I flat out quit. But always, I had that dream in my heart. And always, I got back on the horse. I never imagined it would take this long, or be this hard, but I’m really glad it did. As you’ll read, there were many ups and downs. But along the way I figured out that the journey itself offered me many les- sons—opportunities to learn and grow. I wrote this book to share my story, and more importantly, the many lessons I learned, with you. If I hadn’t gone through everything I did—if I hadn’t found a way to find the lesson in everything—I know I wouldn’t have accomplished my goal. I really think I needed every single darn thing that happened in my life in order to accomplish my goal. I wrote this book so that you can learn from my journey and the many lessons it taught me, in your own way. We’re all on our own jour- ney and you will make sense of each of these stories and lessons in a way that is unique to you. To help you do just that, I’ve included a

2 DONENE TAYLOR question at the end of each story for you to reflect on. I share what I learned from the experience, and offer mental performance strategies, suggestions, and quotes to help you apply the lesson in your own life. I tell my kids, “Be grateful for your mistakes. You’re going to learn so much more from your mistakes and failures than you’ll ever learn from your successes.” I’m a living testament to that, and that’s what I wanted this book to be. No matter what journey you’re on, I wish you the best reward of all: that you discover the Heart of a Champion that beats within you. “Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside of them—a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill, and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.” — MUHAMMAD ALI, PROFESSIONAL BOXER









Chapter 1 Love at First Ride I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. My story begins with Jake. Jake was a brown Shetland pony. I was only two years old when my dad brought him to our home in Everett, Washington. I loved him instantly. Dad had bought Jake from a farm for $125—not a small amount in 1966. My parents didn’t have a horse trailer at the time, so to get him home Dad took out the back seat to make room for him in the back of the car. My parents fixed up the garage so Jake could have shelter, and they fenced a small pasture for him. I don’t remember much about that home in Everett—we didn’t live

8 DONENE TAYLOR there for long. But I remember three things very clearly: the nearby lake, feeding the ducks, and riding Jake most of all. I was lucky to get a taste of riding so young. My mom would saddle Jake, put a lead line on him, and lead me around. At two years old I was hooked. All I wanted to do was ride Jake. Our schedule went some- thing like this: I would wake up in the morning and say, “Me ride Jake!” After a ride, I’d take a nap. Then the moment I woke up, “Me ride Jake.” And on and on like that. Our rented house was right by Lake Serene. There was a paved road around the lake, and we would walk portions of it—Mom leading, me on Jake. Jake was not your typical Shetland pony. He was kind, gentle, and patient. He was blind in one eye. He was not only a lead line pony; he had a great handle on him. He neck reined, he easily turned left or right, and would stop and back up. Not a mean bone in his body. Mom would lead me around on Jake during the day, but at night my dad would take me out, and he’d take the lead line rope off. Dad showed me where to put my hand so I could turn Jake around and stop him, all by myself. That’s how I learned to ride, at just two years old. I was born on May 28, 1964 to Juanita and Cliff Johnson. In those early years, riding Jake was my whole world. So was my dad. He was an iron- worker and in the Active Reserves with the National Guard. In 1967, they moved us from Washington to Rapid City, South Dakota. Natu- rally, Jake moved with us. After we moved, Dad stabled Jake with his good friend Bruce Bet- zer’s race horse, a stallion named Race On Jet. This was at the Fair- grounds in Rapid City. Jake and the stallion stayed in the same paddock and the same barn; but within the paddock, Dad built a small corral

HEART OF A CHAMPION 9 with a gate that had a very low clearance so only Jake could go through it. Jake could easily get away from Race On Jet if he wanted to. Not all ponies got that kind of care and consideration; it was a testament to how much we all loved him. But none of us knew then just how much of an influence Jake would have on my life. In 1969, Mom and Dad bought their first home and five acres of land in Rapid City, South Dakota. This is the childhood home I really re- member. On March 19th of that year my mom went into labor while I was watching the TV show, Green Acres. My Dad sent me over to the neigh- bors while she had the baby. My brother, Justin, was born later that night. I remember these years of my childhood fondly. I loved that house, that property. We lived on a two-mile county road, off the beaten path from the highway. We had neighbors, but not many. The distance between the houses was about the length of a couple of football fields, so we had some privacy. But we knew everyone on that two-mile stretch of road. There were cottonwood, willow, and apple trees all around the property. We also had an ungroomed yard that horses and goats could graze on. There was a gigantic willow tree in the front. Justin and I loved climbing that tree. Dad hung a rope swing from it, and we would climb, play, and swing together. Some awesome adventures took place on and around that tree. Dad built an arena and a barn on that five acres. We were never without a horse, and I loved practicing in that arena, and pretending I was competing. Looking back, the house was small: it was one level, with one bathroom, and two bedrooms. Painted red. It was humble, but to me it was perfect. After Justin was a few months old, and I was five, Mom went back to work. She worked in the office at the Black Hills Packing Plant. Mom

10 DONENE TAYLOR almost always had a job. She had always told me she didn’t like to stay home. She liked to work. Dad was a great provider, but Mom’s income allowed our family to have extras like the horses and everything else that came along with having them. We always had a babysitter who was instructed that we could ride—but for safety, we were only allowed to ride bareback, no saddle. In retrospect, this was instrumental in helping me develop my strength and balance. Riding gave me lots of time to dream and pretend. Different scenarios would run through my mind. I would imagine competing somewhere in a rodeo. Or I would sing my lungs out as I rode. Sometimes I would just pick and eat apples while sitting on my horse. I was always dreaming… dreaming that someday I would have a barn to ride in, a tack room for my equipment, a horse trailer with a dressing room in it, and best of all, that someday I would qualify for the National Finals Rodeo. Even though I was a dreamer, I also had a huge work ethic, even as a little girl. From a young age, I loved repetition. When I started to participate in rodeo events, I practiced to the point of over preparing. By fifth grade I knew a few things for sure. I knew, without a doubt, that I was going to rodeo in college. I knew I loved winning—winning made my parents beam with pride and speak highly of me to their friends. And I knew I loved horses. I loved everything about horses: how they felt, their hair, their smell. I loved the interaction I had with them. They were my friends. Riding them brought me so much joy. I loved being outside, the fresh air, the sun hitting my face, the sounds of the birds, and the little butterflies in the air. Other kids might have found it lonely growing up in such an iso- lated environment. There weren’t many other kids around, and I didn’t have friends on that county road. Occasionally, friends would come over, but I just saw it as a distraction that would keep me from riding. I was already very focused and knew what I wanted. I was single-minded.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 11 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK DO YOU EVER LET YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD? Daydreaming was the first step in pursuing what set my soul on fire. Daydreaming sparked my imagination and helped me plant the seeds necessary to pursue the things I had never done be- fore or even knew existed. My daydreams helped me paint a picture in my mind of what I wanted my future to look like. Now that I’m older, whenever I find myself not being true to what sets my soul on fire, I daydream. I go back to the time when I knew exactly what I wanted. It’s then, that I find myself again. “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Imagination is the language of the soul. Pay attention to your imagination and you will discover all you need to be fulfilled.” — ALBERT EINSTEIN, THEORETICAL PHYSICIST

12 DONENE TAYLOR Always Finish Strong In 1971, at six years old, I had pretty much outgrown Jake. Jake became Justin’s, though he wasn’t really interested in horses the way I was. One day, Dad was at a local competition where he spied a pony being ridden by a young girl. The girl and her pony won the competi- tion. At the end of the event, Dad walked up to the girl’s father, Mr. Humphrey. “When your daughter outgrows that pony and you want to sell him, let me know,” Dad said. “I want him for my daughter.” The phone rang about a year later. Mr. Humphrey’s daughter had gotten a growth spurt. “You still want the pony?” he asked. We decided to take the pony—named Domino—for a trial run. It was wintertime, so Dad took Domino and I to an indoor arena a few miles from our home. There weren’t many indoor arenas at that time, so it was kind of special. Before I knew it, we were speeding around the arena. It made me think of riding in a car with the window rolled down, watching the pavement. All you see is the ground moving really, really fast, the broken white lines a blur on the pavement. I had never ridden a horse that fast before, but I wasn’t scared. After riding a while, I slowed Domino down and we stopped where Dad was waiting for us. “Well, what do you think?” he asked. “I like him.” And just like that, Domino was mine. Dad paid $350 for Domino. I don’t think my mom believed we needed a $350 pony, but Dad was set on it. The first winter we had Domino he almost died. He got the

HEART OF A CHAMPION 13 strangles, an upper respiratory infection that causes horses to get really sick and can be fatal. High temperature, loss of appetite, coughing, yel- low pus nasal discharge—it’s serious. The horse’s lymph nodes swell and can form a pus pocket in the throat area that obstructs their airway. That’s what happened to Domino—he developed a pus pocket under his neck near his head. The vet, Doc Hendrickson, drove the three miles to come see Domino. He took one look and said, “he’ll be dead by morning.” “We have to do something,” said Dad. Doc Hendrickson drained the pus pocket and ran warm water through his nose to clear out Domino’s nasal and throat passages. In the morning we got up and immediately went to check on Dom- ino. He was still alive. The vet put him on medication and Domino made a full recovery—no side effects or scarring. He never was sick again. Domino had one speed: fast. He would run away with me and I would have to circle him to stop him. He ran over to the fence and tried to rub me off a time or two. I’d never ridden anything like him. I had to grow into him. Domino’s breed was a POA: Pony of the Americas. He had many different colors, mostly brown, with spots on his butt, and a perfect eight on his left hindquarters. His tail was whiteish-gray and long. He did not have a mane, because Dad roached all our horse’s ma- nes. Domino’s forelock was really fuzzy and white. He was so soft. I learned that Mr. Humphrey had rescued Domino from a life of abuse. He bought him from a family who had many kids. They had tethered Domino out on a line at their home, and the kids would saddle Domino and then take turns getting on and making him buck them off. Mr. Humphrey felt sorry for Domino, bought him, and trained

14 DONENE TAYLOR him to run barrels, poles, and keyhole. Domino was extremely fast, with a huge heart, and a spirit that meant he always gave his all. These events were perfect for him. Despite his past, Domino had a very cool personality—gentle and hard working. He was quirky with his mannerisms, always nibbling on me. He would nuzzle me, and spent hours listening to me tell him an- ything and everything. Clear up till I was 18 years old, Domino heard it all. And I told him I loved him every day. At the horse shows, rodeos, and playday competitions, we would share a hotdog: I would eat the hotdog, and Domino would eat the bun. He would eat ice-cream with me. We had a really close bond. I loved Domino with all my heart. There were times I would think to myself, ‘if anything ever happened to him, I would just die.’ I felt that connected to him. He was my everything for a really long time. By the time I turned nine, I was getting stronger and riding better. I was growing into Domino and we began winning at the Boots and Saddle Club Playdays—these were local events, like a gymkhana. Domino was “all business” in the arena. He helped me ride aggressive and gain the confidence to ride fast. Everybody at these events knew Domino and commented on what a cool pony he was. I was so proud to be his girl. “Donene and Domino” was how most people referred to us. We were inseparable. I didn’t think I needed anything else in my life for a really long time. In 1973, when I was nine, I joined 4-H. I showed Domino in the show- manship event, ran him in the Pony Barrels & Poles. There was one event in particular I set my sights on: a musical tires event at the Ft. Meade Horse Show in Sturgis, South Dakota for the 12-and-under age group. The Horse Show was a huge two-day event. It took place in the Black Hills,

HEART OF A CHAMPION 15 surrounded by beautiful pine trees. I had my heart set on participating. Ever since I can remember I knew in order to compete I needed to practice. I’m sure my dad told me this once, but after that it was un- spoken. I just did it. Dad and I practiced together. During one of our sessions, I was practicing getting off Domino and stepping into the tire, when Domino accidentally stepped on me. After it happened, Dad looked at me and said, “Don’t tell your mom.” But he must have told her anyway, because later that night Mom said, “Let’s see where you got stepped on.” I showed her the perfect hoof print on my thigh. I was upset, but not because it hurt. I was mad at myself for not doing it right. And I was frustrated because after that, my parents didn’t allow me to compete in the musical tires. But I wanted another shot at it. It took me three years to wear them down. At 12 years old, it was my last chance to compete. They finally gave in. The musical tires event is just like a regular musical chairs game, except instead of chairs, you’ve got tires. And instead of running around, you’re trotting around on a horse. It’s a novelty event, just meant to be fun. But I treated it like it was the World Championship. I trained for it with great seriousness and intensity: I practiced riding Domino in a big circle, trotting. I outlined pretend tires in the dirt and practiced getting off and landing in the tire. I sang or listened to music as I went, and visualized exactly what I would do, over and over. Basi- cally, I worked to make it as realistic as possible and do everything I could to set myself up for the win. I also learned how to avoid the mistake I’d made when practicing before. To make sure I would get off Domino safely and not get stepped on, I would kick both feet out of the stirrups and push off the saddle horn and vault off Domino. I had that part perfected. The day came, and I was as practiced and prepared as I could be. The grass arena was set up with a big circle of tires. All the partici- pants—about a dozen of us—were lined up in a circle on their horses.

16 DONENE TAYLOR When the music started, we all started trotting fast around the tires. When the music stopped, I’d kick my feet out of the stirrups and land in a tire. And just like with musical chairs, there would always be one less tire than riders. One by one they all got eliminated. Slowly but surely, it came down to just me and one other girl, Nancy. Nancy rode a little Buckskin pony named Joker. Joker and Domino were the fastest ponies on the western slope of South Dakota. Joker was versatile and had a much better han- dle. I don’t know if he was easier to ride but he sure looked like it. They both were special ponies, but in my eyes, Joker wasn’t as cool as Dom- ino. Domino had a certain quality that made him unique; you might call it moxie. He was one of a kind. I believed without a doubt that Domino was the fastest. I was about to find out whether or not I was right. I had watched this event from the sidelines for the past 3 years. I knew what was coming next. To pick a winner between Nancy and I, the organizers set up a match race. Nancy and I would race one hundred feet on our ponies to reach a tire. Then we’d have to turn around and race back to the starting line. The first rider back and standing in their designated tire would be declared the winner. They lined us up at the starting point, mounted on our ponies. Domino stood there, focused, like a statue. It was like he knew. I looked over at Nancy and thought to myself, ‘This is so cool. Now we will know for sure whose pony is the fastest.’ I had my reins gathered up in my left hand, my right hand on the saddle horn. The announcer said, “Go!” and we were off. Domino flew. He and I were both completely focused. I made the turn around the tire at the hundred-foot mark and headed back to the starting line tire. I kicked my feet out of the stirrups and landed in the tire. I turned to see Nancy just beginning her dismount. Mission Accomplished. Domino was undeniably the fastest pony! I was so excited, but I kept my joy inside. I didn’t want to appear,

HEART OF A CHAMPION 17 “too big for my britches” as my mother often warned. So, I tried to remain stoic. But inside, I was on cloud nine, elated, ecstatic! I was happiest for Domino—this was for him!

18 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK DO YOU NEED TO PUT IN THE TIME? I believe experiences like this helped me develop the grit to keep run- ning down my dream over the years, despite all the challenges that were yet to come. It took three years to get back to that mu- sical tires event, but I didn’t lose focus. I set a goal, grew through the setbacks, got the right strategies, worked hard, put in the time, and practiced realistically. When we start out towards any goal, we won’t have all the skills we need. But I’ve learned that sometimes the difference is time—more time to practice, to find the strategies, to fig- ure things out. You might start slow, but if you keep focused, you can still finish strong. “If I have the belief, I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it in the beginning.” — MAHATMA GANDHI, INDIAN ACTIVIST

HEART OF A CHAMPION 19 Words Are Powerful At nine years old I started to observe things around home a little more—things I didn’t quite understand. For one, I noticed that Mom would sometimes eat a massive amount of food, and yet she’d stay so thin. I would think, ‘How in the heck, how can she eat all that?’ I couldn’t figure out why she was eating all that food, and how she was so skinny at the same time. Mom was always smoking. She’d been smoking since she was 14 years old; she told me her doctor had prescribed smoking to calm her nerves. She smoked obsessively and was very concerned with cleanli- ness, always keeping things very, very clean. At the same time, I began worrying about my own weight. Dad told me if I gained too much weight, I wouldn’t be able to ride Domino. I knew he was right. After all, that was how Domino became mine— his previous girl got too big for him. In the spring of 1975, I hadn’t turned 11 quite yet. One day, Dad, Mom, Justin and I were all driving home from the first 4-H horseshow of the year. I sat in the back seat, listening to my parents talk about some of the other competitors. “Marsha sure put on weight from last year,” said Dad. “Cliff, she’s just developing, going through puberty,” Mom replied. “Well, she’s put on a lot of weight.” They discussed a couple other girls and how they looked and per- formed. I listened intently, processing the information. At that point in my life, I took whatever Dad said as gospel. I made a very conscious decision right then that I would not gain any weight, and that I was not going to “develop.” From then on, I would pray to God every evening, begging him not to give me breasts or allow my period to start. I did not want anything about my body to change. I was going to do everything I could to avoid it.

20 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU CHOOSING YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY? Words are a powerful force in our life. Each of us has a responsibility to choose our words wisely. Words contain energy—they can build us up, or they can tear us down. I’ve learned that insulting, belittling, and de- meaning words leave scars, so it’s im- portant to be careful with my words and speak from my heart. When words are spoken from the heart there is re- spect, trust and compassion within. The words we speak can create a long-lasting memory—positive or negative. Encouraging words can breathe life into us, and words of des- pair can bring us harm. Which will you choose? “Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you may stick with someone else for a lifetime.” — RACHEL WOLCHIN, WRITER

HEART OF A CHAMPION 21 Inch by Inch, It’s a Cinch! In 1976, when I was 12, I began going to 4-H and Little Britches Ro- deos along with the Playdays and horse shows. I was winning a lot at the Playdays—but rodeoing was another story. The rodeos brought out a whole other level of competitor. Everything was different at the rodeos. These kids were tough. They had faster horses; a better skill set. They were really good! Sud- denly, I was out of my element. I processed this as a challenge. I wanted to compete in the goat events: Goat tail tying, and even- tually goat tying too, with Domino as my horse. Back then, goat tail tying was a rodeo event for girls in the 8-13 age group in the Little Britches Rodeo Association. This event begins with the competitor be- hind a starting line with a twelve-inch strip of surgical gauze that she holds in her mouth. She races her horse one hundred feet down the arena to a designated ring attached to the fence. The competitor gets off her horse and ties her horse to the ring. Then she runs over to the goat—staked out on a ten- foot cotton rope, approximately thirty feet away from where her horse is tied. When she gets to the goat, she takes the gauze from her mouth and ties the gauze around the goat’s tail. It’s a timed event, and a ten-second time was considered fast. Goat tying is a little different. In goat tying, the goat is staked out in the arena on a ten-foot cotton rope, one hundred feet from the start- ing line. The competitor races her horse down to the goat, steps off her horse as she approaches the goat, runs to the goat, flanks the goat, gath- ers and cross-ties the goat’s right front leg and the two hind legs to- gether with a small rope called a goat thong. Once she gathers the three legs, she uses the goat thong to make two wraps around the goat’s three crossed legs and finishes with a pull-through tie that secures the goat for five seconds. When I was competing, goat tail tying was for the 13 and under age group. Goat tying was for competitors 14 years and up. (It’s worth noting that goat tying, like most events and sports, has

22 DONENE TAYLOR evolved. The techniques and equipment have changed and competitors have gotten better and faster. The goats tied back in the ‘70s and ‘80s were much taller and heavier than the goats they tie today. A seven- second goat tying run back in the 80s was sizzling. Today they have broken into the five-second range. It is very exciting!) I instantly fell in love with the goat events. Goat tail tying was so physical, and I could practice without my horse during the day while my parents were at work. I wanted to compete in goat tail tying in the Little Britches Rodeos (and eventually goat tying too), and in order to do that, I’d need lessons. So, Mom asked Kelli and Paul Tierney for help. Kelli was a National Collegiate Rodeo Champion, and a High School Rodeo Champion. She was running barrels in the Girls Rodeo Association or GRA (now the WPRA Women’s Professional Rodeo Association). Paul, Kelli’s husband, was a tie-down calf roper. He would eventually become a multiple time World Champion in the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA). The first thing I needed to learn was how to tie that twelve-inch strip of gauze around the goat’s tail. Fast. I had been practicing for an hour or two a day, but I still wasn’t fast enough. Kelli taught me her own special technique, and I hung on her every word. With her helping me, I kept up my daily practice. I would stake my goat out in the arena and make runs with Domino. Sometimes I would stake my goat under the willow tree, so he could enjoy the tree’s great, wide, shade, while I would practice running down the rope and tying the ribbon on his tail until I could not get it wrong. I was constantly working on my tie. I would even practice while sitting in the house watching TV. My Grandma Lou told me that when I was staying at her house one time, she came to check on me during the night and found me sitting up in bed doing hand and arm move- ment, as though I was competing. Apparently, I was always practic- ing—even in my sleep. I was dead set on getting that tie faster and better than anyone. I

HEART OF A CHAMPION 23 was pretty good at tying my horse to the fence, I thought. But my tie on the goat tail was amazing. While I was mostly focused on goat tail tying at that age, I knew I wanted to goat tie eventually, too. Kelli showed me how. Her goat was large: an eighty-pound Billy goat, complete with a set of large horns that curved backwards, and he knew how to use them. Kelli would frequently reference Paul as a point of instruction. Even though we were tying goats and he was a tie-down calf roper, she would say things like, “This is how Paul runs down the rope to his calves.” Or, “This is how Paul blocks calves.” Then Kelli would put her left leg into the front of the goat’s chest.” Or, “This is how he grabs the calf’s flank. Grab it deep. Get a hold of it.” Or, “This is how he gathers the calf’s legs. Put your right leg out, toe up. Sit down on the goat, gather the bottom leg first, slide your right leg back behind you.” And so on. I thought to myself, ‘This is how a World Champion does something.’ The idea sparked something within me. ‘Imagine what it would be like to be a World Champion Tie-Down Calf Roper,’ I thought. My goal was to goat tie, but I was learning like a calf roper. The wheels in my mind started to turn. In time, Kelli started teaching me how to rope. I was so excited! We started with the basics: Kelli showed me how to coil the rope and build my loop. In the beginning, I felt very clumsy and awkward. Kelli had

24 DONENE TAYLOR me hold the two coils in my left hand, and the loop in my right hand. She placed my hands where they needed to be. It was then that I real- ized something was very off. “Kelli, I’m left-handed,” I said. “I’ll need to change hands.” Kelli looked at me for a second. “Well, I can’t teach you left- handed,” she said. Without missing a beat, I said, “That’s alright! I can rope right-handed.” I never gave it a second thought. I just wanted to learn to rope and was willing to do whatever it took. Kelli was very patient as she continued to explain and demonstrate how to rope. I felt overloaded with information as she explained how far back to hold the loop from the hondo. She explained how much rope needed to be between my left and right hand. And she showed me how large my loop needed to be. I stayed focused while she demon- strated how to swing the rope, throw the rope, and pull my slack. We had a stack of small, seventy-pound, bales of hay. She took one of the hay bales, set it in our yard, and demonstrated the technique by roping and catching the bale of hay. After watching her do it a few times, it was my turn. But I couldn’t catch on. It was harder than it looked. I kept rebuilding my loop, swinging the rope and throwing it to- wards the bale of hay. I missed it. And missed it. And missed it. Kelli assured me it would take hours of practice. Then she dangled the carrot. She told me, “When you can catch that bale of hay 10 times in a row, you can come rope with Paul.” I looked at her and said, “OK.” Now I had a goal. I continued to practice. I stood there every day and roped that bale of hay. In time, I wore out the lawn where I roped that bale over and over and over.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 25 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU BEING A GOOD STUDENT—AND A GOOD ROLE MODEL? Working with a great coach or mentor can shape your entire life. I’ve been lucky to work with some truly amaz- ing coaches and mentors, and Kelli was one of them. Learning from her solidified my passion for rodeo and competing. I saw firsthand how much time, energy, and effort successful people invested into their practice. After working with Kelli, I began modeling her behavior and developing my own structured practice sessions, and solid work ethic. I began to under- stand how to break down my practice sessions into parts and drills. She was a wealth of knowledge and support. Thanks to her I knew I wanted to help others, just like she was investing her time in helping me. Sometimes, we don’t realize the influence the people who step into our life are having on us. Later, we realize they’ve been life-shapers for us. They planted the seeds in our mind and help us see the possibilities of what could be. Look for the role models in your life. Appreciate them while they’re there. Aim to be a good student. And remember that you might be a role model for someone else—even if you don’t know it. “Each of us, famous or infamous, is role model for somebody, and if we aren’t, we should behave as though we are cheerful, kind, loving, courteous. Because you can be sure someone is watching and taking deliberate and diligent notes.” — MAYA ANGELOU, AUTHOR AND ACTIVIST

26 DONENE TAYLOR Ask the Question Though I was already starting to dream of becoming a calf roper, my immediate goal was goat tail tying. Domino and I would practice together an hour a day, plus I put in three hours a day by myself. Quite a lot of concerted practice for a 12- year-old! But I was obsessed. Every afternoon I would practice under the willow tree—tying the lead rope to the fence, pretending Domino was there, then running to my goat and tying the ribbon on the tail. My first National Little Britches Rodeo Association (NLBRA) event took place in Martin, South Dakota. I was confident. I ran down the fence in the arena to the ring on the fence, and tied Domino up, but I fumbled around too much. Then I ran over to the goat and put the ribbon on the tail superfast. My tie on the goat was good, but I took far too long tying Domino to the fence. The whole thing took me just under a minute, but that was way too slow. Dad was a bit frustrated, and so was I. “What was the problem?” he wanted to know. We watched the girls do the same event that evening and we both had no idea how they were tying their horses to the fence so fast. The next day, during the afternoon rodeo performance, we sta- tioned ourselves at the end of the arena, where participants exit after their runs. One girl did an amazing job tying her horse to the fence. On her way out, Dad asked her, “How did you tie your horse to the fence so fast?” She showed us, and I got the technique I needed. I went home and practiced my newfound fence tie. Two weeks later I went to my second NLBRA rodeo in Deadwood, South Dakota, and I won third in the goat tail tying. This put me half- way qualified for my first National Finals. (You have to place at least twice in the same event to be qualified in that event for Nationals.) I was over-the-top excited. All that practice paid off. There was no stopping me now. Qualifying for NLBRA Finals was my next goal. I went home and practiced four hours every day—a solid three hours a day by myself, and one hour a day with Domino. This was, of course,

HEART OF A CHAMPION 27 a crazy amount of repetition. But I loved the challenge of figuring out new ways to get to the goat. I would run different scenarios through my mind, and say to myself, “This run is for the win.” I loved sweating and getting dirty. When the hot afternoon sun became too much, I would tie my goat under a shady tree, so I could keep working away. Even when I wasn’t officially practicing, I found ways to keep work- ing on my tying. When I’d sit down, I’d put a stick between my knees— a stand-in for the goat’s tail—and would tie that. I would tie my fam- ily’s fingers and make them wiggle their finger to duplicate the goat moving his tail. I just about wore their fingers right out. The next NLBRA rodeo was in Rapid City. My hometown. The day of my event, it was cold and rainy. I was roping with an old grass rope. It felt so dry and stiff in my hands. I was cold, and wet, and my hands felt frozen, but I did not complain one bit. I was so happy to be there. I thought to myself, ‘Today, it’s me and Domino.’ Just in time for the goat tail tying event, the rain let up. Domino and I were ready. He flew to the fence when it was time to run. I sprang off, took the lead rope to the ring, made my quick tie, and then dashed to the goat and put the ribbon flawlessly on his tail. We won. I was ecstatic. I was going to Nationals. Not only that, but I won a buckle for winning the goat tail tying, a buckle for winning third in pole bending, and, most excitingly, I won the All-Around Saddle. I had no expectations of winning the All-Around. In my mind, that type of award was for the really tough competitors. After the awards ceremony, all the girls gathered around me. I looked up to all my fellow competitors. I wasn’t used to the attention. I felt really uncomfortable, but I also felt a great sense of validation. I felt, at just 12 years old, that I knew what I was supposed to do with my life. I knew I would never want to do anything but rodeo. I took that saddle home and was very enamored by it. We kept it in the living room on a stand, and I routinely dusted and polished it. All I could think about was what was coming next: Nationals.

28 DONENE TAYLOR DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU BEING A GOOD STUDENT—ARE YOU ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS? If you don’t ask the question, the answer is always no. My dad asked the girl who tied her horse to the fence faster than I did, and she was more than happy to help us. It turned out that I had the ability to compete with these tougher competi- tors—I just needed the right technique. Of course, once we have the les- son, we need to apply it. The knowledge would have been useless if I hadn’t practiced. I like to frame this as an equation: K – A = 0 Knowledge minus Ac- tion equals Nothing K + A = E Knowledge plus Action equal Everything Our thoughts determine what we want but our actions determine what we get. “I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.” — LOU HOLTZ, HALL OF FAME FOOTBALL COACH

HEART OF A CHAMPION 29 We Start Where We Start, and We Work Our Way Up The 1977 National Little Britches Rodeo Association Finals was a week-long event, taking place in Ft. Pierre, South Dakota. The Finals began on Monday, August 15th, and concluded on Saturday. Each day there’d be a performance in the afternoon, and another in the evening. The Top 10 competitors would compete on Saturday in the short go, and the awards were given out afterwards. My turn would be in the evening of the very first day. On Monday morning, Dad and I pulled in with our rodeo rig: A 1975 burnt-orange station wagon, pulling a red 1974 Imperial four- horse steel trailer, with one spotted pony in the trailer. As we drove in, the magnitude of the event hit home for me. At just 13 years old, this was all brand new. There were kids from all over the United States there, and many of them had very nice, large rigs compared to what we had. These were some serious competitors—peo- ple who also lived and breathed rodeo. As we walked to the rodeo office to sign in, I saw the prizes dis- played under the grandstand. My eyes locked on the most beautiful saddles I’d ever seen: The Championship Saddles. The Champion from each event would be awarded one of these saddles. I’d never seen such beautiful saddles before. The leather was tooled beautifully, stained dark, and the writing on the stirrup fenders said National Champion. The buckles were beautiful too—big and bold, silver and gold. I had no idea it would all look like this—the awards, the massive amount of people, the busyness of everything going on around the fairgrounds. I didn’t know what to make of all the feelings I had, a whirling mix of overwhelm, excitement, nervousness, and an overdose of stimulation. But at the same time, there was a kind of steadiness within me. I didn’t expect to take home a buckle or a saddle, but I did expect to perform well. I believed I had what it took. Dad and I warmed up Domino, and boy was he ready to go. He

30 DONENE TAYLOR was crazy, shaking his head, jumping. This is how he rolled every time. He was ready and so was I. Before I knew it, it was our turn. Dad led me and Domino closer to the starting line and made sure we were facing in the right direction. Then he turned us loose. Domino zoomed in on the ring attached to the fence. I fumbled my tie on the fence, but I ran to the goat and tied the tail anyway. My tie on the fence was not good, it came untied. I was disqualified. “What happened?” Dad asked. I didn’t know. I shook my head. He didn’t say much more than that. I felt the disappointment from both of us hang in the air. As we drove home, I silently cried in the back seat of the station wagon. I didn’t want Dad to know I was crying. I tried to stop the tears from flowing but I just couldn’t hold it in. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I have made that mistake? I’d had my first taste of real rodeo competition: the highs, and the lows. The emotional roller coaster ride had just begun.

HEART OF A CHAMPION 31 DIGGING DEEPER – DO THE WORK ARE YOU BEING A GOOD STUDENT— ARE YOU A WINNER, OR A LEARNER? If I could go back in time to my 13-year-old self and tell her one thing it would be this: In life, we aren’t divided into winners and losers. Instead, there are winners and learners. I’ve learned not to have my self- worth so tightly wrapped up in how well I performed. For one thing, that only adds more pressure to an experi- ence already fueled with excitement, uncertainty, and anticipation. More importantly, we are not worth any more as a human being when we win, and we are not worth any less when we don’t win. Finding the lessons and learning from them is how we keep ourselves moving forward as we work towards our goals. “You are not your mistakes; they are what you did, not who you are.” — LISA LIEBERMAN-WANG, AUTHOR

Chapter 2 Who You Invest Your Time with Matters I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. In 1978, Grandma Lou, my Dad’s mom, called and told me she’d found me a great horse. He was a big sorrel Quarter Horse. He had a bold white blaze on his face and two white stockings on his hind legs. He stood at 15’2 hands and weighed 1,400 pounds. His name was Mr. Tommy Bars and he would be my 4-H horse. He was smart, beautiful, and exceptionally well-trained. He was trained to do all the horse show events, showmanship, western equitation, and