Morphed into Sonnet Form Preview

MASJoonrKpnaheyetn-dFaotinmrtmao & a Smattering of Other Various Poetry

ALSO BY AJ KAYNATMA AJ Kaynatma >> his Traumatic Brain Injury

MASJoonrKpnaheyetn-dFaotInmrtmao & a Smattering of Other Various Poetry AJ Kaynatma

Text copyright © 2018 A.J. Kaynatma Cover art copyright © 2018 A.J. Kaynatma. Cover illustration used under license from DepositPhotos All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the written permission of the copyright owner, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. Requests for authorization should be addressed to: [email protected]. Cover design by Ivica Jandrijevic Interior layout and design by www.writingnights.org Book preparation by Chad Robertson Edited by Chad Robertson ISBN: 9781097227518 Printed in the United States of America. Printed on acid-free paper. 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

DEDICATION This one goes to the Roman poet, Horace, way back in 23 BC, who had such eloquent yet forceful words.

EPIGRAPH Carpe diem. → Latin for ‘Seize the day.’ BOOK 1, ‘ODES’, HORACE

CONTENTS Also by AJ Kaynatma........................................................................................ii Dedication ...........................................................................................................v Epigraph..............................................................................................................vi Contents ............................................................................................................vii Acknowledgements ....................................................................................... ix Introduction ........................................................................................................ 1 Shakespearean Sonnet Construction ........................................................ 3 ABC poem......................................................................................................... 77 Couplet ..............................................................................................................83 Cinquain ............................................................................................................ 91 Diamante Poem..............................................................................................101 Pantoum............................................................................................................111 Italian (Petrarchan) Sonnet ........................................................................119 Tanka ............................................................................................................... 125 Villanelle.......................................................................................................... 135 Halil's Handsome Heir's Hundred Homemade Haikus’ Humorously Heckling His Handicapped Habits.............................................................141 His Hodgepodge of Herculean-Haiku .....................................................159 English (Shakespearean) Sonnet .............................................................191 Spenserian Sonnet.......................................................................................199 Limerick ......................................................................................................... 203 Couplet ........................................................................................................... 209

Even MORE?! .................................................................................................215 Haiku .........................................................................................................217 Author’s Note ......................................................................................... 297 Limerick...................................................................................................299 Author’s Note .........................................................................................397 Acrostic ...................................................................................................399 Haiku ........................................................................................................407 Afterword................................................................................................ 427 About the Author..........................................................................................429 viii

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I hafta VEEEEERY reluctantly & ashamedly thank my catastrophic car accident for somehow unlocking the creativity, imagination & linguistic expression of my RIGHT-brained thinking. While undoubtedly improving the logic, numerical comprehension & quantitative analysis of my LEFT-neural hemisphere, my infamous accident also stimulated the previously dormant language-section of my RIGHT-brain.



INTRODUCTION So, with the newly-stimulated right hemisphere of my brain now active after my death-defying accident, I’ve been very curious as to just how creative—with the arts—I can get. Sooo, after completing my memoirs, some haiku, many confessions, an extensive alliteration + song parodies combo & more ‘aria alterations,’ I decided to test my oddity with a new literary venture: Sonnets! \"Meter is math, and like quantum dimensions, ideas can fill infinitely small space, even inside a sonnet.\" —GRANT ENGEL Mr. Engel is a literary genius—in my mind. I know math, & he knows words. He is the yin to my yang. Thus, the following are sonnets of the trials & tribulations of a creative Traumatic Brain Injury victim (me). Simple words cannot accurately describe some of my enigmatic & strange feelings. So, I’ll try expressing ‘em via Shakespearean sonnet. First, I’ve included a [somewhat] brief explanation of the [somewhat] rigid format:



Shakespearean Sonnet Construction First, a clarification: You have to follow a specific rhyming scheme when constructing a Shakespearean sonnet. It looks like this: ABAB CDCD EFEF GG. Like-letters rhyme in this example: A rhymes with A, B would rhyme with B and so on. Line 1 A Line 2 B Line 3 A Line 4 B Quatrain One/Stanza One Line 5 C Line 6 D Line 7 C Line 8 D Quatrain Two/Stanza Two Line 9 E Line 10 F Line 11 E Line 12 F Quatrain Three/Stanza Three Line 13 G Line 14 G Couplet One/Stanza Four Secondly, I present my thoughts! 3



JUDGE NOT BY WHAT YOU JUST SEE No one believes in me, ‘cuz it’s never been done. I must push on past all the doubt. Pre-injuries, I had a habit of being … The One. So, tradition makes me suck in a pout. Technically, my damaged nerves disallow my crying. It’s not a machismo thing. I cannot explain. Search my notes! … there’s no use prying. Lack of empathy is just one thing that makes me seem insane. But, no one can see a thought. There’s never a day off for my tireless mind. It seems I’m surrounded by pessimists. But, downer I am not. I will—eventually—benefit from this epic grind. I am more than what you see. I have a surplus of cognitive beauty. 5

SHERLOCK HOLMES 2.0, EH?! Where has everyone gone? Without a trace?! No one left a note. So, there’s no trail. It’s as if they’ve all defied the laws of time & space. This is a curious case. … where’s my ale? I think better with liquor. It relaxes my brain. That could explain why I’m so good at beer pong. If I played for money, I’d easily make it rain. My estimated angle of elevation is rarely wrong. There’s math all around us. Anything can be quantified. You just hafta examine it from the right point of view. I feel betrayed. But, I speak from a biased side. (audible sigh) must I ransack my notes to find something new?! “Friends forever,” isn’t that what you said?! …I’m just hurt. I’m not dead. 6

MENTAL >> PHYSICAL I may LACK decent leg power. I feel that I have a SEMI-legitimate reason. From my uncanny WIT & MATH, y’all WILL cower. AGAINST my sacred BODY of WORK, my nerves committed TREASON! … EEEHHH! I’ll forgive ‘em. It wasn’t their doing. C’est la vie. They weren’t to blame. ‘Tis just their inconsistency that’s causin’ the screwing … Of the little patience I still have. So, I aim. … To increase that in my cognitive realm. Strangely, some talents of mine have just stuck! My right brainedness has taken the helm. I mustn’t get angry, ‘cuz often my left hand does suck! My numbers & logic are more than just fine. … As coping mechanisms, … those are mine. 7

EMOTIONAL > PHYSICAL Can I walk strong, if … I’m not in a good mood? Emotional actions win, ‘cuz they’re in the head. … I’ve always prided myself on being a highly intellectual dude! … I left my entire high school class sobbing in my stead. … now, however, my emotions have—nonviolently—run amuck. But, I’ve gotta think happy, when I go to the gym. I know I will succeed. … that helps me to not suck! I just laugh, when I must compensate for a left limb. I was almost always psychologically stable. … plus, I was extremely geeky! Now, I’m nowhere near as physically able. … my walking can be rather streaky. When my legs fail, I just think long-term. I will my legs to stand firm. 8

I NEED HUMOR With so many incidents’ happening in my mid-20s that are bad, … I’m not sure how or why I keep my hopes up. I am determined to REVERSE my fortunes … just a tad. I’d love to greet some o’ my college chums … with a ‘SUP! For some reason, I just cannot laugh out loud. I cannot even muster up much more than a giggle. Perhaps I’d do better in front of a crowd. Sometimes I YEARN for leg movement … just a wiggle. My mom thinks I’m uber weird, when I just see numbers. Sooo, I’ll make fun of myself, & go with the flow. Hopefully, I’ll be so comedic to a girl, she’ll just seek slumbers. Do I constantly tease myself about my effort? … whoa! Do I ever laugh so hard I piss my pants? … um, nooo! It’s more about the good of the show! 9

SLEEP?! I start my day before the rooster’s crow. I end my day at a late hour. My mind’s tellin’ me “yes”. But, my body’s screamin’, “hell no!” … My mind wins. … so, my walking’s not sweet. ‘tis sour. … Even as I write this, it’s after 1 am. And, I’ve been up to pee. So, I’m wide awake. Since I’m up, hhhmmm, how could I cause mayhem? Jeez, A.J.! I’m such a troublemaker, for goodness sake! There’s a gargantuan difference between bein’ sleepy & just feelin’ tired: … One’s the desire of an extensive nap, Which I’d gladly skip, if there were spawn to be sired! … If I told a girl this, I’m sure I’d get a slap! ‘Tis not cool to tell a girl you’re stiffer. (audible sigh) ‘Tis one way in which the genders differ. 10

EMBRACE YOUR STRANGENESS When people FIRST experience something, They could ALL sense it DIFFERENT-lee. Some folks see COLORS or SHAPES or some loving FLING. …MY life’s FILLED with NUMBERS, … which is what I SEE. During ALL of my … OVER 32 PLUS years, I’ve treasured being FAR from … just a cookie-CUTTER. When IGNORANT people DISMISS me, it [ALMOST] brings me to TEARS. … Then, I smile & think how I’m SMOOTH like BUTTER! I know numerous movie quotes, math facts & sports stats. Biophysics principles are just INGRAINED in my head. Unknowing people consider Me, Myself & I BRATS. … I am NOT cocky! … That’s NOT what I said! I’m just CONFIDENT in the CORE of MY ways. … If HOPE is a sickness, … then (AUDIBLE sigh) I’ve got a CRAZE. 11

MARTIAL ARTS MAGNIFICENCE After approximately 24 years of studies, … I’ve applied my knowledge of karate and jujitsu … To many a task & made lotsa buddies. I’m so skilled, y’all should watch my tapes from a pew. … That’s not blasphemy! … I’m just great. Not to brag, but how many students have accomplished all I did?! I still taught classes even in my legicapped-state. To stand & spar, of my chair I’ll hafta get rid. I’m oh so close to my third black belt! … I can’t perform all the moves. But I still teach & create! My current frustration is greater than I’ve ever felt. I’ve learned to cognitively feel sate. After all my time there, I’ve earned much respect. Since I cannot now show, I merely inspect! 12

MISINTERPRETATIONS Since I can’t really talk, I struggle conveying my tone. When using my board, ‘tis tough to describe moody. There are inappropriate times. But, overall, I’ll own Up to my liking a girl’s booty. My T.B.I.’s damaged my judgment & timing. I’m sorry to say, that I don’t often realize … to whom I’m speaking. If I were on Nick Kids, I’d deserve a sliming. There’s no pain … just discomfort, when my left knee starts creaking. I do not like to say it as an excuse. … but sometimes there’s nothing I can do. My main goal at the gym is to get loose. I know that people make mistakes. But, ‘twas right to sue. My recent history’s bad. But, I’m a great guy. … I love to joke by actually saying, “audible sigh.” 13

TRY FOR SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE Unfortunately, I’ve lost my charisma & charm. I didn’t realize how dependent they are on tone. … As frustrating as it is, … I will bring no one any harm! I do seek sympathy. But the problems are only my own. I tried charting others’ responses. But I can’t understand the graph. Discussing the wonders of math doesn’t work. … Thankfully, I still know how to cause a laugh. It’ll bring smiles, when I giggle … & twerk. I have no problems with being the butt of my own joke. I shan’t lie: I am a funny dude! (audible sigh) with my “friends” ignoring me, it’s as if I did croak. … to quote Full House’s Stephanie Tanner: “How rude!” Don’t be scared of me. … I won’t bite … Hard, unless you instigate a fight! 14

DISPERSE THE WEALTH I’m sure to share what I’ve got: … I math tutor, ‘cuz I’m still brainy. I host pool parties, & make sure the water is hot. My generosity may seem zany! Not only am I alive, But I—slowly yet steadily—continue to excel. Just the facts that I brush doubt aside, & continue to strive … For progress is priceless. There’s no way I’d sell! I’ve got many DVDs … for others to borrow. I don’t have good legs. Mine are damaged & sore. I dare not try to give others my sorrow. (I motion my head downward.) I have a lot. But, I’m tryin’ for more. Personality wise, I’m a natural giver. I can no longer drink. So, that’s a thanks from my liver. 15

DISTRACTIONS My brain’s always thinkin’. So, I constantly multi-function. My vigor’s no longer sinkin’. … it’d no longer make sense at this junction. For my primary source of … fun, … I use my laptop. I can only watch so much TV. Once I start doin’ math, I find it tough to stop. … When my mom needs to balance her checkbook, she asks me. I constantly exercise … to stay [somewhat] healthy. I research sports stats to stay in the know. I check my finances to make sure I stay quasi-wealthy. I was a studly wrestler. But, now that seems rather faux. I’ve always been social, so I love to talk. If I ever get any visitors, … I’ll show ‘em my walk. 16

SPORTS?! Since I can no longer play any sports, I am very sad. … Hopefully, my injuries won’t last forever. … Contrary to most of my athletic life, … that would be bad. Should I just give up & quit? … uuuuum, … never! I used to play football, basketball, ping pong & soccer. I did martial arts too. But, that’s not a game I play. When I try to email my ex-beau, she’s put up a spam-blocker. Now, I’d rather watch a sport from my bed for free, than attend as a spectator & pay. However, if I hafta choose a show to watch, … I’d select laughs. It’s okay; I have my laptop. ‘Cuz I mainly need stats. I’m sooo strikingly odd, that I chart said stats on mental graphs. I know I wanna seem taller. But, I’ve gotta trade my heels for flats. I used to be a gift to the sports community. I was a splendor for the eyes to see. 17

SUBSTITUTED MATH … FOR ME Since there’s only so much mathematics … around me, … I’ve been writing novels & literature more. If anyone would ever visit, … you’d see: … I’ve already authored three books … maybe four. While creating, many people see colors or shapes. I see numbers in almost all I do! It kinda distracts me at the gym, … which has led to scrapes. … But, exercise injuries are nothing new. Now, I write books, when I used to run around. (audible sigh) I’ve finally accepted that that’s the way it must be. Since I cannot yet jump, I’m always very near to the ground. … If I were less determined, I’d just say, ‘’C’est la vie.’’ I was very flexible. now, all my muscles are tight. I use my writings to describe my ongoing fight. 18

MY OPINION MATTERS! Just ‘cuz I cannot yet talk doesn’t mean I don’t have a [metaphorical] voice! I am so insightful, you can’t help but utter, “whoa!” One math tutoree from da ‘hood even exclaimed, “Noice!” Watch for head shakes, ‘cuz I don’t always say, “Um, no.” I’m a smart businessman & a proud homeowner. I make sure my employees at work stay happy, After my death, I just might be … an organ donor. For the first … four years after this, I thought my life was crappy. But, now that I’m devoting my time to helpin’ people, Whether it’s by tutor or karate or book or by hire, In my fortress of life, my writing serves as my steeple! With my tenacious work, I hope to inspire. I’m not often audible, so I write. … It’s hardly an enviable plight. 19

MARVELS OF MODERN MEDICINE After my catastrophic accident, … somehow I’m not dead! Just got alotta metal on my [left] shoulder, hip & knee. … I don’t think (?!) There’s any … titanium … in my head. Thanks to my great docs, my damage you can’t see, … Unless I were shirtless by the pool. Jutting out from my stomach is my feeding tube. The body of A.J. Kaynatma should be a bio class in school. I am determined to not … just sit around like a boob. Strewn hideously on my left shoulder is a surgical scar. My injuries all attack nerves not muscles. … My neurokinetic messages they do mar. … Thus, I encounter countless everyday tussles. My inner sadness should make me mad! … Instead, writing—more specifically, typing—makes me glad. 20

NUMBERS > WORDS Since they’re universally understood, digits are known more … Than actual words. To recognize ‘em, you can just write ‘em down. To normees I may seem like a bore. But, in actuality I’m the smartest dude in town. … scratch that. Need not specify gender. If I get one large enough, my face could be hidden by my jewels. … for I am the King of the Mind-Bender! The one & only House Law: A.J. Rules! As a result of my accident, I can’t speak that well. I’ve been trying to say [English] words for … over ten years. But my numerical fluency is more than swell! … To a lesser mortal, such frustration would bring tears. Americans are dumb. We should use metric. … It applies in so many countries, … you might say it’s eclectic. 21

DON’T DOUBT ME There are few things I enjoy more … Than that inner feeling of joy … I get from success. I’ll likely be added to lore. Without much flexibility, I talk trash as a ploy. Disproving haters is like additional drive To achieve unlikely success. If I land in two comas, would I still be alive? … Considering that’s already happened, … I’m goin’ with “yes.” Have y’all heard? I tend to accomplish what only a select few do. … I have a distinguished track record. … It’ll make y’all gasp, & question, “how?” … “who?!” I use criticism as fuel. … I’m workin’ as hard as a mule! 22

MY [NON] SLEEPING HABITS My snoozing habits have changed greatly, as I’ve grown older. If I wake up in the middle of the night, And walk to my toilet, ‘cuz my bladder’s a’smolder, … I’ll wander with my eye-crusty-plagued sight. Upon returning to bed, after my urinary deposit, I struggle to regain my desire for zzzs. My brain doesn’t quit! Neurohypergenesis, … is that a disease?! I really don’t get sleepy. But my muscles do tire. I arise very early. I fall asleep really late. with this wording, … I do not like to … expire. I wonder if … it’s ‘cuz of my subpar neurologic state. (?!) … In any case, I just play alotta minesweeper. … How could that not block the grim reaper?! 23

ZERO EATING MOTIVATION Since I can neither smell nor taste (ever?!), … I never really want food. With no talking or tasting, my mouth seems like a waste. … Hope in my eventual recovery puts me in a better mood. When considering my rehab, I can’t worry ‘bout time. … I’m only concerned with my health. I wanna taste a Gatorade, … even boring lemon lime. I have a financial team … to monitor my wealth. I used to cook, decorate food & eat a lot. I’m very attentive to others’ likes. I still do all that. … Just taste my work … I do not. Karate & wrestling made sure I didn’t get fat. My main goal of my eating is … muscle memoree. … When I actually tasted my eggs, … I was overflowing with glee! 24

ACADEMICALLY MOTIVATED I’ve always taken the most pride in my smarts. Grades were the easiest way for me to prosper in school. I was a scholar-athlete. But, I avoided the arts. I took great pleasure from making the teacher seem like … a fool! English, Spanish, Science, History, P.E. & math I was a jack of all trades but a master of … one. They were the subjects along my valedictory path. I preferred to stay in, & study the angles of indoor wrestling … over playing out in the sun. With my school now done, I kinda feel jaded. I just audibly sigh, shut my eyes & tell myself, “I am the one.” With school awards my bedroom walls are decorated. I know the physics. But, my leg nerves won’t let me run. Despite my countless obstacles, I will prevail. I slowly glide to success like a boat with a sail. 25

TOUGH … BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE When the goin’ gets tough, … the tough get goin’. Since I know I can take a lot, I must press on. I treasure praise. Compliments really get my juices flowin’! I’ve been earning little progress for too long! When the WORK is HARD, … the WIN feels all the BETTER! I take a while to prep for important tasks … to make sure I’m right. With pensive planning, my underarms get a tad wetter. … All my concocting doesn’t fall into sight. Hey! If this were easy, then everyone would do it. … It’s like tryin’ to wade through manure. But, sometimes, I’ve just gotta bite down & chew it. I never stop, ‘cuz once I ditch one burden, i get another one newer. Don’t judge me … ‘til the last mile. … You’d better grab a book, … ‘cuz it’s gonna be awhile. 26

THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY COIN Pre-accident, I thought almost entirely with my left brain. … Now, I’m way more balanced, as I think with both views. If I were to ever frequent a gentleman’s club, … I’d make it rain. With my bad memory, … everything to me … is new news. Yes, I’ve always liked numbers. But, I love that I now write! I used to look down on folks who didn’t get math. … Now, I do my best work, once I’ve drunk a bud lite. … Ha ha, naw! I’m kidding. … my nurse would show me her wrath! As a scholar-athlete, i prefer brains over brawn. Now, I kinda hafta cherish my mind over my legs. Strangely, post-accident, I’ve second-guessed some conclusions I’d drawn. “Strengthen up,” to my nerves my brain earnestly begs! Sooooo, I now think with my brain’s other side. … My psychotic ex-fiancee took me on an up & down ride. 27

TIME IS RELATIVE I apologize to anyone I’ve recently rushed. My insensitivity makes me seem crass. My T.B.I. To my patience—it crushed! Most ‘o my day … involves … my chillin’ on my ass. I exercise frequently … in my bed or at my gym. With nearly everything I do, I tend to lack speed. Pre-accident A.J. Was different. … but, I lost him. … I used to do things for want. Now, tasks are more need. Nearly a third of my life … has required a chair. Almost a sixth of my life … was with my ex-beau. More hirsute? I frequently need to cut my hair. Can I wait … another ten years?! … uuummm, … no! I feel rather productive, considering all my hurdles. Throughout my 32+ years, I’ve never needed girdles. 28

ADAPTATION I spent my first ~23 & a quarter years Of my non-legicapped1 life, … Squashing public speaking & other typical fears. Now I’m terrified … I won’t find a wife. I’ll still do motivational talks. … My audience had better pay extra attention. I just convey my message via my DynaVox. As a non-speaking speaker, I’ll do stuff that … I won’t mention. (hahaha!) I won’t even seem mean. But I can’t audibly laugh. … Ergo, I’ve gotta choose my words wise. I’ll gauge their reaction on my internal graph. Ever the looker, I’d better see all their eyes! The fact that I now really like writing brings me amaze! … It’s a far cry from the misnomer that I suffer a craze. 1 (Play on WORDS:) I’m NOT HANDicapped. I AM LEGicapped. 29

SOME THINGS … JUST STICK After two comas … & a looong stint of rest, … Strangely, I still know some subjects. I know sports & cooking. But math has always been my best. Surprisingly supportive … was my ex. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. I maintain my handsome face. My gym trip is always quite the antic! I’m still very physical. So, gimme my space! Since I think more, my strategy’s maybe slicker. Efficiency’s big on my to-do list. With minimal wasted movement, I may seeeem quicker. … Maybe I’ve somehow decreased my neural cyst. My metabolism’s still very high! I always have a Plan B, … if plans go awry. 30

.... BUT, SOME THINGS … JUST DON’T My T.B.I. made an asymptotic line for my skills. Unfortunately, I couldn’t have it all … back. For some subjects, I had piles of knowledge—no, big hills. Less familiar data I still lack. (audible sigh) I overestimated my ex-belle’s devotion. … We got too tough. She wanted the easy way … out. … Her sudden departure caused quite the commotion. She left me to just [mentally] pout. My muscle memory’s still there. … But my mental recall is shot. I’m grasping at a straw, … as thin as a hair. My hand-eye coordination was fabulous. … now, it’s not. (audible sigh) A.J. 3.0 must start anew. … if you’re not careful, I might get better than you. 31

MENTAL EXERCISE(S) … NEEDED I could—and do—just make up random math. Since I don’t need to try often, … I don’t write leh-jib-lee. … Thus, I almost beg for my speech therapist’s wrath. … Hhhmmm, should I give in?! … no, ‘tis just not me. Often, I watch … cooking shows, … Like Iron Chef & Beat Bobby Flay, … To see—since I can’t taste—what my palate just knows. These shows keep my desire for … like a fish filet. With almost all my physical virtues gone, My mental gifts hafta stand out under even more pressure. To any jeopardy challengers of me, I say, “bring it on!” For multi-variable calculus, I need no refresher. Yes, my brain lacks the ability to store … Info. But I always try to push it mooore! 32

OTHERS CANNOT KEEP UP WITH ME Pardon meee … for lacking em-pah-thee. I’m not trying to be a jerk. … It’s caused by my damn brain in-jur-ee. I represent … textbook efficient work. Since I cannot really talk, I can’t explain my side. … It’s just science. So, it’s not complicated. I try to not brag of my genius. I think it’s implied. Actually, after editing my work, … it’s been overstated. Yes, my mental math is still quite amazing! I feel underappreciated (audible sigh), because … I’ve gotten through enough hazing. … As a result, my intelligence is a minute fraction of what it once was. Sometimes … my movements imply that I have a spinal. … My work’s not about the process. It’s the final. 33

AMBIVALENCE With just about all of my motions, I’m confident with my choices. But, spectators tend to have mixed emotions. Plus, there are both my audible & internal voices. I hate that I’m like Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde … Pre-decision versus post. I’d like if most o’ my picks are on the better side. Then, I could truly boast. I may not outwardly show … All the instances I am hap-pee. But, just so y’all know: … I have extreme inner glee! My hindsight’s so much better than my fore! Thus, my optimistic ego is rather sore. 34

KNOWING BUT NOT SAYING It’s incredibly frustrating, When I spell a request on my letterboard, But my employee doesn’t understand what I’m stating. It’s a repeated instruction. Isn’t there a memory stored?! My oddities are made even more visible … By my [temporary] inability to talk. When people ignore me … often, I feel invisible. I’d appreciate even a mock. If I were mean, … I’d refer to myself as the silent killer. I just think of my umpteen paybacks in my head. My ex-belle lost her [expensive] ring. So, I could bill her. In hindsight, she did nothing of what she said. I sleep very little, ‘cuz I never stop thinkin’. At least I recognize that my IQ’s … aSINKIN’. 35

EAT, DRINK & BE MERRY The saying says that we are to … do all three. Technically, I’m only physically able to do two. Sadly, my insides are not up to me. A large portion of my amusement … comes from you. My innards do not process the foods I eat. Swallowing liquids is too tough for my throat. I’m slightly saddened when my sports teams get beat. I used to eat so much random crap, … I was known as a goat. … I’m still kinda thee G.O.A.T. After my epic climb. Granted, I’m biased & not trying to brag, But I am the greatest of all time! After my accident, my logic doesn’t lag. To truly be happy, … I need my friends. … Especially now, before my T.B.I. ends. 36

REALISTIC GOALS While growing up, I set outlandish intents. … They were all attainable, just seemingly insane. … To achieve said goals, my ferocity must remain intense. I will achieve ‘em, even with my damaged brain. I set my goals high. But, they’re certainly doable. I’m aiming to walk again & maybe even jump. When I defeat this T.B.I., I’ll ponder which titanium’s renewable. I wonder if—on an x-ray—my T.B.I. appears as a lump. Just ’cuz o’ my dreams, dopes say I live in fan-ta-see. … They claim all my goals are a matter of fiction. But who knows my skills better than me?! One tough objective was to give a kickass valediction. Altan 2.0 already accomplished so much! … A.J. 2.0 kept me alive. A.J. 3.0’s gonna do such! 37

HOW DO I FIND FRIENDS?! Why is it … that no one seems to check his or her email?! We’d hafta meet in person, ‘cuz … I just wanna talk! I’m not picky! … But, I guess I’d prefer a female. If I had a social business, … there’d be worthless stock. Have no idea where, so I don’t go out. … Needing to be in person, I can’t talk … on the phone. Eventually, I will win my T.B.I.-bout! Essentially, I do all the neurologic work … on my own. Parties & swimming pool & movies & what not … Are all fun stuff I can supply. Of my friends, I thought I had a lot. But, … sonofagun! That is a lie! If only peeps would see me, I’d show off my charm. … People would witness … that I really do … no harm! 38

GIRLS! ALL I REALLY WANT IS GIRLS! I am only like the Beastie Boys in that my main priority … Is … a beauty of the female gender. She won’t know of a more generous man than me. I’ll constantly compliment her unique splendor! My T.B.I. Somehow stimulated my damn amygdala. I’m doing all that I can! I wanna meet a … woman … for whom I go gaga! I know trust. So, I’m a one-lady man. We’ve gotta have shared likes. She has to admire that I kicked ass in school. For outside fun, we could ride bikes. … And, we’ll lounge by the pool. I’m not gonna wait … for me to talk. … Plus, … I can’t wait … for me to walk! 39

WRITING IS MORE A NEED-TO THAN A LIKE I write as an outlet … to release a … cascade of my emotions. … Since I cannot yet cry, my books are a [metaphorical] tantrum. In everything, … I never just … go through the motions. As a result of my hip surgery, I’ve prolly got … like … an antrum. Calling myself a writer is pretty damn cool! Honestly, I’d rather be a mathematician than a writer. … That wasn’t even on my to-do list back when I was in school. I’d sooner be … an MMA fighter! Before I discovered writing, I watched too much TV. … I wasn’t content with how it made my mind feel. I wanna describe what it’s like to … be me. ‘Tis something productive to do as I heal, As I sit (audible sigh) in bed & yearn for a plate of Gyro meat, … I’ll just hafta be more creative. 40