The Collection:The Struggles of Young Women_PDF Version

50. His Ex \"Hey, that's Brian's ex, Laylah.\" Sighing I made my way over to the guys. It's been eight months already, almost nine, yet people were still referring to me as Brian's girlfriend! It made me angry because I was Laylah Jackson before him and I'm still Laylah Jackson after him. Whether he's still in the picture or not, I'm forever going to be me, no more and no less. \"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?\" I said rolling my eyes as I hugged Briyon, his older brother. We developed a bond during the time Brian and I dated. Although we broke up, his brother and I wanted to keep that bond. \"About a thousand times but I just can't shake it, you'll forever be his ex to me.\" He shrugged. \"I'm sorry.\" He didn’t sound sorry and he didn’t sound like he was going to make an effort to change. \"It's whatever.\" Moving along the line, I hugged Tony, Ricardo, and Lucas; All guys I met and developed a friendship with through my relationship with Brian.

If I didn't end up with Brian, I probably would've ended up with Ricardo. He was serious and focused on his future. He knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. He was talented but showed it to a select few. Judging by his quietness and observing nature, you might think he was boring, but he was far from it. His love for his family was shown through everything he did, it all went back to them. To outsiders, he was a man of few words but to those who mattered to him, he was a completely different man, one I could see myself with not for one day or two but for life. \"You look Laylah good.\" said Tony. \"Don't I always?\" \"Mhm, you look better than Brian's new girlfriend by a long shot.\" \"It's not nice to call people ugly Tony.\" I said pointing my finger at him. \"I never said she was.\" \"It was implied.\" I said crossing my arms. \"Well, it's not nice to lie to people's faces either yet we see that all the time especially on television, now don't we?\" he asked cocking his head to the side.

\"Look at her,\" Tony said moving those slender fingers quickly to find a picture on Instagram. I slapped him upside his head for lying to me. The girl was beautiful, I felt like I was staring at the next Miss America! \"So much for trying to cheer you up.\" He mumbled, rubbing the back of his head like I did real damage. He had too much of a thick skull for that. \"Thanks for trying, but I'm fine. This breakup won't break me.\" I said rolling my eyes. \"You didn't have to lie to boost my self-esteem, it's already at a healthy level.\" \"You know you still got us, right?\" he asked. \"You two broke up but we,\" he said pointing at me then the entire group, \"are still going two years and some months strong. Alright?\" I nodded returning to his warm embrace one more time. He reminded me so much of my older brother Hakeem... I haven't seen him since my mom died. Tony completed part of me that Hakeem left empty. \"I'll meet up with y'all later.\" Ricardo said as he got and walked towards his car.

\"Yeah, I think I'm about to head out too.\" I said seconds after. He and Briyon did a head nod thing and unheard words were said. He waited for me to catch up before starting to walk again. Now that I wasn't with Brian, this might be my chance to see where things could go with him. \"Always the silent one.\" I said catching up. He turned to look at me, granting me a lopsided grin that always had girls under a spell. \"What have you been up to?\" I asked adjusting my purse’s strap tighter on my shoulder. People down here would steal anything from you in a bat of an eyelash. \"Nothing different than before, you know me.\" But I want to know so much more. \"I work most nights and go to school in the mornings.\" \"You still see your sisters?\" I asked. \"Yeah, I see them every week at least once.\" He said smiling at the mere mention of them. Marianna and Makayla were his everything, besides his mother.

\"Now that mom has given them a phone, they're texting me constantly about the weirdest stuff.\" \"That's cute.\" I chuckled. \"It's annoying. Most days the guys think I'm texting my girlfriend and have been using my sisters as a cover-up.\" He said rolling his eyes. \"Are you?\" I asked curiously. I truly wanted to know. \"You know me better than that,\" he said. \"And I'm single anyway, I've got nothing to cover up.\" So now was my chance. I could see my car up ahead and knew it was now or never. \"Are you doing anything Saturday night?\" I asked out of the blue. \"Nothing special,\" he said shrugging. \"Why?\" \"I was wondering if you wanted to catch a show with me, I heard it's supposed to be really good.\" \"Lay.\" He said softly. \"Yeah?\"

\"I know you've had a crush on me even before you dated Brian.\" He knew? Was I that obvious? \"I know where this is going, and I can't do it. I can't do that you.\" \"Why?\" \"Because you're Brian's ex, I can't be with you.\" He said seriously. \"Even if I want to.\" he added softly.

51. Names \"You're next Ms. Whitfield.\" One thing I loved about this class was the freedom we had when it came to research topics. We could choose anything we wanted, as long as it was school appropriate, and we had enough information to talk about respectfully and intellectually. We could present anyway we wanted, with a song or a dance or a regular PowerPoint. I stood in front of the room and nervously placed my hair behind my ear. \"Names,\" I said. \"We all have them. Some like'em, others love'em and some hate'em.\" I added. \"According to Google, our trusty advisable friend, names are words or a set of words by which a person is known, addressed, or referred to.\" \"A sufficient yet superficial description. Today, you can't help but be judged by the way you dress, talk, laugh or by anything that you do.\" I said making eye contact with everyone in the room. \"Names are just another thing people use to do just that. The first thing we do when we meet someone is tell them our names and ask them for theirs. From that point onward, they'll form their own beliefs or

expectations, sometimes subconsciously, of how we're supposed to act, dress, or who we're supposed to be.\" \"Don't believe me?\" I asked looking at their now interested faces. \"Then let me illustrate.\" I placed seven pictures on the whiteboard of Caucasian women using magnets.        \"Emily.\" I said. \"A pretty common name. What do you think about Emily?\" I gave them time to think. \"Most you thought of a nice white girl who has never had to work a day in her life because mommy and daddy takes care of it all.\" \"Natalie.\" I said. \"She must have great hair but has to be a bad influence. She'll turn any good girl back in a matter of seconds. She's just that good at what she does.\" \"Olivia, she's chill which might just be why boys love her but us girls want to desperately hate her but can't.\" \"Anna, she has to be a Southern farm girl with nothing to look forward to but a life where she'll stay at home with three kids. She isn't the brightest but those pigtails of hers sure are cute. One day she'll

find a simple husband who prefers a woman with a sweet smile and innocent nature.\" \"Erika, she's emotionally unstable and guys hate dating her. One minute she's crying and the next she's smiling at you but it's her pretty oval-shaped face that keeps them coming back for more.\" \"Charlotte, watch out for that one girls. She's as sweet as a cookie and her country accent will have you wanting to be her best friend, but she'll just get one step closer to what's she really after: your boyfriend.\" \"Sam, the neighborhood tomboy who grew up refusing to wear a dress or anything that would possibly make her girly like makeup and jewelry.\"  I placed five more pictures on the whiteboard. This time they were of Hispanic women. \"Sophia, knows no other food but tacos, rice, and beans. Her plump cheeks and plump figures are considered to be a sign of health by her family. But everyone else sees it as disgusting. That's why they push her away, not knowing that each time they do, they push her closer to her only source of comfort: food.\"

\"Valentina, her hoop earrings are so big it makes you want to throw a ball through them. But don't you dare try or she just might stab you with her signature red pumps. She doesn't leave the house without them, her red lipstick and fitted jeans.\" \"Sofía, her bad temper is like a raging flame. If you dare contradict anything she says, you risk being burned. Her mom has two jobs and both of them include being a maid. It's all she has to look forward to in the future.\" \"Izabela, she must live in a three-bedroom apartment with her mother, father, two older sisters and two younger brothers. At night while sleeping on the rough carpeted floor, she dreams of changing their conditions. She dreams of being the one to get her family out of poverty. She'll dance her way to the top.\" \"Marisol, her family is here illegally. They must have crossed the border. How else could they get here? Her abuela prays daily with her knees on the ground, eyes firmly closed, and hands tightly clasped. She fears that one day they will find them and send them back.\"

\"María, everyone knows her. She's strictly Christian. You can tell because she wears long shirts to school and long-sleeved shirts. Showing knees, elbows and shoulders would be scandalous.\" I placed seven more photos on the whiteboard of black women. \"Keesha, we can assume she had her first baby when she was fifteen and her second when she was eighteen. \"Jada, the only person who can stand her bad attitude is her boyfriend whose attitude is almost her bad as hers. But that's to be expected when you're in \"the business\". \"Ebony, she's blacker than night yet you wonder why she's still single. Guys only date girls of a lighter color. Girls who don't blend in with the night. Girls who don't keep to themselves and try to change the impossible.\" \"Diamond, the only thing she cares about is her face, her hair, her nails and everything related to her. If a man doesn't have enough money to take care of her and provide for her upkeep, she will not want him.\"

\"Precious, she's too independent to have a man. She doesn't want to get married. She doesn't want a man. Her career is her life. No one will change that.\" \"Aaliyah, she's well-liked by all the guys because she's pretty and light-skinned all because she's mixed. She has the best of both worlds; both black and white men think she’s stunning. \" \"Deja, it's her love of sports that led her to her \"true love\". He loved to hit her as much as he loved to hit the balls on and off the court. But she doesn't see herself leaving him any time soon. Her mom didn't, so why should she?\" \"Latoya, we all knew where she would end up. She's from the most ghetto part of town, the place everyone is ashamed to talk about. Her father's in jail and so are her brothers. It isn't any surprise that her boyfriends have been there too more than once. I bet her two sons, DeShawn and Demetrius will soon be too.\"  I placed four more pictures on the whiteboard. This time they were of Haitian women. \"Fabiola has never worn anything that wasn't from Goodwill or a thrift store. She's never had something new and that was first hers before it was anyone else's.\"

\"Manoucheka, barely knows a word of English. She sits in class every day not understanding a single word we say. Wouldn't it be best if she went back to her country?\" \"Islande, she must live with only her mother who's desperately trying to bring the family over. Her mother still has to bring over her own mother, her husband, and her older daughter. She's going to make it happen even if it means working in the Floridian tomato fields all day long in the scorching sun.\" \"Nadia, she must be dark-skinned. I've heard the sun in Haiti can be brutal. Knowing how rough and tough the economic conditions could be, don't be surprised by her short black unruly hair.\" \"Lovelie, her husband has probably cheated on her twice, but she stays. She stays not for herself but for them. She stays for her two little girls. They deserve to have a father in their lives. She would know.\" I placed seven more pictures on the whiteboard of Indian women. \"Mohini practices the violin dusk to dawn. Her trophies are the reason her parents are proud of her. Failing to do good would mean losing the pride and have faith they have in her.\"

\"Kavita, shockingly she's been walking around with short hair for years. How dare she! Doesn't she know beauty lies within the length of your hair? It's not a surprise that her parents disowned her.  What men will she attract with skin as dark as hers, hair as short as hers and intellect as vast as hers.\" \"Deepika, she competes with the guys athletically and intellectually, choosing to play them on the courts and in their minds. She doesn't accept commonly held beliefs, but she challenges them. There's no need to wonder why she's been single all this time.\" \"Jyoti, she was bright yet shy one, blushing whenever someone noticed her, complimented her, or said a single word to her.\" \"Anita, she must have a heavily accented English making it hard for her to be understood. I hope she doesn't become my doctor in the future.\" \"Barkha, she must be overweight, and it has to be because of all that spicy masalas she eats, and thick gravies dipped in spices and oils. That's what she eats every day. Ask her to stop and she'll show you some attitude... lots of it.\"

\"Sonia, she has to be colder than winter itself. She's aloof and condescending. Why did her husband marry her? The world will never know. She's a busy woman with a lot to do. Her child she calls the offspring, not caring what happens to the little thing until she does something worth being proud of.\" I placed four more pictures on the whiteboard of Chinese women. \"Mei, she's as gentle as a flower. Her soft-spoken voice causes you to strain your neck just hear every word that comes out of her mouth. One day a man will love her for that.\" \"Liu, she's a gifted as a musician as we all know. Her voice is enough to make you cry. The way her small delicate fingers move across an instrument will leave you in awe.\" \"Jiao, the only word she knows is yes. The only movement she knows is the nodding of her head. Her husband's words are commands given at any time and to which she must submit to. She has to give birth to a son soon, it's what her husband demands.\" \"Jiayi, the smartest girl in our school perhaps even in our state. She's never seen anything less than a

hundred on each one of her graded papers. We secretly think it's because of all the kimchi she eats.\" I placed three more pictures of Japanese women.  \"Areum, she won't date just any guy. Her high standards strip away the weak, the worthless and the poor. Any guy she dates must be someone she will be proud to introduce to her parents.\" \"Jong, silent and chaste, no man will touch her until marriage.\" \"Nari, her makeup is the same as every other girl. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference between her and her sisters or her and her friends.\" \"And Victoria,\" I said trying to muster all the courage I had. \"Would you like to take this one Michael?\" I asked looking at the boy whose face and words have been tormenting me for the past couple of days. His eyes widen and his mouth closed shut as if he was afraid a fly would fly in there and make his mouth its permanent home. \"No?\" I asked shocked. \"Then I'll guess I'll have to see if I can remember what you said verbatim.\" It's not like I forgot or could forget. Those words have been playing through my mind over and over like a broken record.

\"Victoria, your typical school wanton who'd give it up to anyone willing to offer her a dollar, a penny even. The only thing she has to look forward to is a life on a very crowded street corner.\" He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. \"Names, they tell you how to call someone or how to refer to them. But they do not tell you who people are.\" \"And that concludes my presentation.\"

52. Married To A Criminal \"Isn't he cute?\" If this was a cartoon there would be hearts where my eyes should be. That baby sleeping soundly in his mother's arm was just beautiful. She smiled softly, \"Thank you.\" She had another one coming; I could tell by the way her stomach was protruding. \"Congratulations.\" I said softly not knowing if others knew. \"Thanks, how did you know?\" she asked surprised. \"Just a hunch.\" Liam made sure to pull me far away from her. \"Nope.\" He said. \"What do you mean nope?\" \"I know how this goes Amber.\" \"And how does it go?\" I asked resting my hands on my hips. \"You see a baby. You think it's cute and start wanting one of your own. Then you turn to me and say,

'Don't you want one too Liam' with your eyelashes batting a hundred miles a minute.\" He explained. \"To which I say nope.\" Knowing a lost battle when I saw one, I said nothing. I scanned the menu trying to figure out what I wanted to eat. \"Why do you do that?\" he asked. \"Do what?\" \"Scan the menu as if you were going to get something different when you know you're going to get the same thing as always.\" \"The same reason I always ask, 'Don't you want one too Liam'.\" I said. \"I'm hoping for something different.\" \"To Albert Einstein, that’s called insanity.\" \"He's dead and I'm not, says a lot doesn't it?\" I said. \"I'll go find somewhere for us to sit.\" The food court wasn’t crowded but we both know I was just trying to put some distance between us. \"I don't want to fight about this.\" I said when he came back to the table.

\"Neither do I.\" He said handing me my order. Two large slices of pepperoni pizza accompanied by four buffalo wings. I was going to pay for this later. \"It's our first night out in like forever and I just want us to enjoy it.\" We were constantly busy with our jobs. I was a middle school teacher, but my job didn't end when I got home. If anything, the real work began when I got home. It's when I had to start grading papers and reading essays. If you've ever seen the handwriting of a twelve or thirteen-year-old then you understand my struggle. Liam worked in construction, it was the only job willingly to overlook his record and give him a second chance... besides me of course. Mayfield was a small town where everyone knew each other down to the smallest details. They knew your grandparents, your parents, your siblings, your aunts and uncles, and your cousins. They knew if you ever broke a bone, where you had your first kiss, if you talked back to your parents, what stores you shopped at and how much you made. So, it's really no surprise at all that they'd know if you went to jail too. Liam's parents were good people, it's not their fault when it comes to his record and he knows that.

But like your typical story, he got mixed in with the wrong crowd and ultimately it got him locked up. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were college juniors, counting the days until we'd walk across the stage again for good this time. That summer we officially broke up for good (everyone knew we broke up as often as it shines in Florida). I was fed up with his new rebellious spirit and bad boy facade. That year we just so happened to have a world history class together, I was ready to walk out as soon as he came in the first day. But soon I got over it, he had his life and I had mine. He had his friends and I had mine. He had a new dumb witted girlfriend with an annoying laugh, and I had my dog Halo. Anyway, that day was December 15th, a week away from winter break. Ms. Jones was ranting about some revolution around the world and I was doodling the way his hair stuck out in every direction like a sea urchin. It was all that stupid gel he used. I stopped staring when his eyes caught mine and turned to look out the window instead. That's when I saw them, two cop cars. There was no way they were here to give a career day presentation because my friend Yolanda had that class. They were having a doctor come talk to them about potential medical career paths. Everyone knows doctors don't

drive cop cars! They drive Lamborghinis, Camaros, convertibles and other fancy cars whose name I don't know and don't care to know. The first thought that came to my head was that he really did it this time. And he did. When I looked at him, I saw two distinct emotions swirling in his eyes: guilt and regret. The officers walked right into our classroom. They called for Liam Walker. And they arrested him. He was locked up for three and a half years. He was a big boy now and they prosecuted him as one. During that time, I cried for him some days. To avoid the rumors and being connected to him, I transferred to an all-black college out of state, far from the town of Mayfield which never shut up about Liam's arrest. I would visit my parents during the breaks. I dated here and there to find a suitable marriage mate but there was no connection. There wasn't a spark. Not once did I visit him. Not once did I pick one of his phone calls. Not once did I read one of the many letters, he sent me, choosing to store them in shoeboxes which slowly took over my closet. Not once did I stop loving him or missing him. The year I graduated, I returned to Mayfield. Both of my parents' health were taking a turn for the worse.

They needed me. That same year, he was released. The first place he came was home. He used to always say I was home. He knocked on my parents’ front door. Him and the door knew each other quite well. He knocked on it too often to count back in the day. I opened it, saw it was him, then shut it. When my parents asked who it was, my only answer was that it was no one important. And it was true. I strongly believed Liam was the same one who got himself locked up. The Liam who believed he was big and bad. The Liam who believed rules were meant to be broken. The Liam who believed it was alright to stay out all night, scaring his parents to death. The Liam who believed making me a priority in his life was optional and that showing up on time to our dates wasn't necessary. The Liam who believed his friends cared more than his parents did... more than I did. But he wasn't. He did the whole knocking on the door thing for six months until I finally was ready and willing to hear what he had to say. It was a lot. Two years later and we're happily married except for a few arguments here and there. We were happy together and we were planning on being that way for a long time, despite what Mayfield and its gossipers might think.\"I do too, but I don't want you

thinking I don't want kids with you Amber because I do.\" \"You don't act like you do.\" I mumbled. \"It's complicated. I do and I don't.\" He sighed. \"When I hear the guys talking about their sons growing up or throwing a football with their sons, I can't help but want that too. I can't help but want to experience that too. I want to have a daughter and hear her call me daddy. I want to see your stomach, that small thing, grow day by day carrying our small child.\" He explained. \"I want that with you, I really do.\" \"But?\" I asked. I knew it was coming, it's what his entire monologue has been leading up to. \"What if I mess up again? What if he or she has to pay for my transgressions in school and in the community? You know how these people are, they will hold something like this over their heads. They will never be able to escape my past.\" Once again, his past was coming to bite him in the butt. \"Fathers won't let their daughters date our son because he'll be the criminal's son. Mothers won't let their sons date our daughters because she'll be the criminal's

daughter. I don't want that kind of life for our children.\" \"Children?\" I asked smiling softly. \"You want more than one?\" \"Of course, I do.\" He said taking the first bite out his burger. It was a huge chunk; half of his burger was already gone! \"You know I love kids.\" \"Then we've got to think of something Liam. We've got to think of something fast because I'm already pregnant.\" I said taking his hand and laying it on my flat belly that wouldn't be for long.

53. The Criminals' Daughter's Best Friend Charlie Fuller was as messed up as I was. As horrible as it sounds, I was happy to know I wasn't alone. Unlike me who had both parents, he only had his dad who was constantly in and out of jail. He wasn't your typical criminal's son. He didn't have tattoos. He didn't have long shaggy hair or dark sunglasses. He didn't have a bad attitude and a bad boy look going for him. He was the complete opposite of what you would expect. Charlie Fuller was an avid reader, sometimes it seemed like an obsession. He was a comedian. He was a brown-eyed boy with a sensitive heart and little muscle. I couldn't help but tease him about his lack of muscles. He usually said that muscles wouldn't help get into Princeton. Everything his father hated. He's been coming longer than I have. \"I can't wait to graduate in a couple of months.\" He said looking up at the stars. When he looked up there, he saw endless possibilities. When I looked up, I saw bright star-shaped things that would forever be out of reach.

\"What are you going to do first?\" I was planning on going home right away to treat myself to a tub of rocky road ice cream accompanied with reruns of my favorite show. \"We're going to celebrate!\" he said smiling. \"You only graduate once, you know?\" His face was lit up like the Northern Lights. \"How do you do it?\" I asked him genuinely wanting to know. \"Do what?\" he asked munching on his plain potato chips, the only kind he ate. \"Stay so happy, upbeat, and positive.\" He was someone I was fortunate to have in my life because he brought a bit of those things into mine. \"Because if I don't, I'll just turn into my dad.\" He said causing his eyebrows to bunch together. \"And trust me, the last thing the world needs is two versions of him.\" Charlie hinted a bit at his father’s crimes but has never disclosed the whole story. I had a feeling he was ashamed of what his father did, he took his father's crimes to heart. They were crimes not only against society but against him too.

\"You know that's impossible, right?\" I asked. \"We aren't our parents and we'll never be unless we choose that path.\" I said squeezing his hand. \"Is it really a path we choose Alex or is it the path that chooses us?\" he asked sighing. He already had his mind made up. \"You and your philosophical way of thinking,\" I muttered. \"I don't care whether it chooses me or not, it's my life and if I say I don't want to go down that one then I won't. I know who I am, what I stand for and where I want to go in life. I'm not letting my parents’ actions ruin that for me or hold me back from my full potential.\" \"Mhm, if that's true then how come you don't take your art seriously?\" he asked. \"I knew showing you was a mistake,\" I sighed. \"That's nothing, it's just me playing around.\" \"No, it's how you express yourself and it just so happens you do so in a beautiful manner that is profitable. You put your heart and soul in each one of those drawings Alex. I know because it's the same when I used to play the piano. Yet, you don't want to

pursue it professionally because of your mom... And you don't want to end up like her.\" A pencil in my mother's hand was like a knife in the hand of a skilled chef. With it, she created beautiful works of art that touched you deeply. When I was young, she encouraged me to explore my creative side. It just so happened that I was great at it, but I haven't used a pencil for drawing purposes from the first day they were locked up. It hurt too much, the memories and thoughts of what could have been. \"Let's talk about something else.\" I said softly. Charlie and I were respectful of each other and knew when to back off. For me, it was my art and for him, it was his piano. We drifted into safer subjects like the teachers that were piling on the homework and the school activities which we never participated in although we secretly wanted to. \"I'll see you soon, okay?\" He said hugging me tightly against him. \"And Alex?\" \"Yea?\" \"I'm always going to be here for you.\" \"And I'm always going to be here for you.\"

~•~ People always seem to want to ruin your happiness, one way or another they'll find out how. They'll hit you where it'll hurt the most. I was counting the days until I would graduate, crossing them off my calendar one by one. Each day that passes, the closer I was to the day that really mattered. But of course, there had to be an incident. They had no way to reach me or talk to me other than at school so that's where they hit. I had a few things in my locker. A couple of textbooks and that was it. I chose not to decorate my locker, finding it a long and boring process. At his school, Charlie told me they didn't allow that but if they did, he would take advantage of it to the fullest. Knowing him, he really would. He'd find a way to combine all his passions into one. Inside there was a newspaper article, one I looked at immediately fearing it had to do with my parents’ arrest, imprisonment, crimes or anything related to them. But the article didn't talk to me about my parents. It was about Charlie's. There was an internal conflict that waged on inside me. Reading it would be an invasion of his privacy. It was a story that he hasn't yet shared with me. Did he not trust me? On the other hand, this was public knowledge, everyone had the right to know. Including me. Curiosity won in

the end and my eyes devoured the words on the paper, reading each one faster than the next. What I found out could possibly change our friendship forever. Me Our spot @ 4 Sent 2:45 pm Charlie Miss me already? ������ It's only been two days.  Received 2:50 pm Not knowing how to respond, I chose to say nothing at all. I knew he'd be there. I was jittery for the entire afternoon; I was like an addict in need of a fix. I just couldn't stand still, neither my body nor my mind could. With his backpack slung over his shoulder, he made his way over to me. \"Rough day?\" he asked. There were days when we met up here just because one of us had a really bad day. We could count on each other to be there and just listen. And when you don't have parents in your life to listen to you, you really need someone who will. \"Yea.\"

\"What's wrong?\" I showed him the newspaper. He was a faster reader than me, so he finished in seconds. His face which was once full of natural color turned ashen then immediately red. \"How did you get this? How could you Alex?\" he asked angrily. \"You're just like everyone one else!\" \"I didn't go searching for this! It was left in my locker!\" \"So, you decided to read it? You decided to catch up on the latest gossip!\" \"I was just curious, I just wanted to know! Maybe if you would have told, I wouldn't have been so curious, but you haven't. And you probably never would have.\" I said shaking my head disappointedly. “You never would have told me that your dad is the reason why my parents are in jail.\" I said in nearly a whisper. It was the first time I said it aloud, but it was still shocking to me. \"They did that of their own accord! They didn't have to accept! They didn't have to agree—\" \"They wouldn't have had to if your father didn't put the offer on the table. We were starving Charlie! We

were broke! They did what they thought they had to in order to keep us alive!\" Was I condoning my parents’ actions? I couldn’t be. It was wrong. No matter how you look at it or why they chose to agree, what they planned to do was wrong. \"Don't act like you have more of a reason to be angry than I do! Your parents agreed to kidnap my mom! They agreed to take the life of an innocent person!\" \"The only person you have to angry at is your dad! He's a monster! He gave my parents the drugs and money. He turned them into murders and now they're facing life in jail and I'll never ever be able to be with them again!\" \"You can't blame me for your parents’ decisions or downfall and I can't blame you for mine! They all chose what they chose! I have nothing to do with anything!\" \"But you knew and didn't tell me!\" \"When and how was I supposed to do that! Huh Alex? Was I supposed to say 'Hey, I'm Charlie Fuller. My dad hired your parents to kidnap my mom in

exchange for money and drugs'. Was I supposed to say that?\" he asked angrily. \"Was I supposed to tell you how they failed so he tried again until he was successful?\" \"Face it Alex, our parents and our lives are both messed up.\" He said sadly. \"I didn't tell you because I didn't want it to change how you see me. I didn't do anything. I didn't sell drugs to anyone. I didn't try to kill anyone. I didn't do anything!\" He said pleading with me to understand. \"I don't deserve to be punished for what my parents did and neither do you.\" He said sighing. He chuckled dryly. “I should've seen this coming. My dad always finds a way to ruin something good for me even when he's locked away behind bars.\" He said bitterly. He grabbed his stuff and left the same way he came.

54. Not One To Give Up Easily \"Out of everyone you know, you call me to come help you move.\" Right after my class in the morning, I went home to change then drove straight here. \"What can I say?\" he chuckled. \"I need all the help I can get.\" He wrapped an arm around my neck as we walked inside his apartment. If you didn't know us, you'd think we were dating. But then again, if you didn't know me you'd think I was dating them all. \"Didn't you say you guys have been here since eight?\" \"Yea.\" \"It's noon now and your apartment doesn't look any different than before.\" Briyon did two years at a state college and was now transferring to do the next two years at a university. Wanting to be closer to there than here, he was moving about two hours away from all of us. I was seriously going to miss him. He and Tony especially were the ones I called when I

was feeling alone, depressed, in my feelings, and when I just needed advice from a male perspective. \"That's because we've been messing around instead of doing any real work.\" said Brian coming out of his brother's bedroom with a box in hand. His girlfriend walked right behind him empty-handed. \"Hey Lay.\" \"Hey.\" I said nodding my head towards him. I was thankful for the heads up Briyon gave me. It's not like I didn't know he was going to be here but having Briyon confirm was comforting.  \"Lay my lady!\" Tony shouted. \"Please tell me you got some food on you. I'm starving.\" I threw him the pack of crackers I always kept in my purse. \"Have I told you how much I love you?\" he asked munching on them hungrily. \"Only about twice every day.\" I said smiling. \"Alright guys, let's get to work! No more messing around.\" They always listened to me. I don't why but they did. I didn't have to threaten them, yell at them, or do much. Brian used to say it was because I was a natural-born leader, they couldn't help but follow my directions.

Being captain of the volleyball did help me be a level- headed leader who is calm and collected. Ricardo came walking in ten minutes after I came with a tank top showing his muscled arms. His backward cap and dimpled smile only added to his attractiveness. \"Hey, I didn't know you were coming.\" He said. \"Yea,\" I said smiling softly. \"Here I am.\" \"Lay, please don't tell me you're mad at me.\" \"I'm not,\" I said shrugging. \"I used to be mad because I never took a chance. But this time I did. Yeah, I got shot down but at least I tried.\" I said smiling softly. I moved past him with a box in hand. I was starting to wonder where Briyon got all this stuff. I could see a hoarding life in his future. Now that I was here, there was less talking and more working. I was in the kitchen packing things when I felt someone walked in. \"Can I talk to you for a minute?\" asked Brian gently touching my arm. When he saw my hesitation, he added in a please. \"How have you—\" he began to say once we were outside. There were too many eyes and ears inside. In addition to Brian's friends, who were also friends

of Briyon's, Briyon invited some of his college buddies to give him a hand. \"You know I hate that kind of talk.\" He chuckled, \"The kind of talk to buy time or fill up an empty space. Yeah... I know.\" He sighed before speaking again. \"I think you'd be good together.\" I raised my eyebrows. \"Don't think I don't know, we all do. We just never called you out on it.\" Before I dated Brian, I had a crush on the both of them. But since Brian was the one to openly share his feelings for me, I went with him. Once we officially dated, it's like I turned off any feeling I had for Ricardo. If not, I would be plagued by guilt and feel like I was emotionally cheating. He deserved all of me and I gave that to him. But the breakup allowed all those submerged feelings to float back to the surface. Even though Brian was the one who broke us up. I had no hard feelings and only wished him the best with his girlfriend. He was a good guy and deserved happiness even if it may not be with me. \"It's not like it matters, he's clearly not interested. The last thing I would do is force a guy to be interested in me. I'm just not that type of girl.\"

\"But you are the type of girl to never stop going after what you want. That's something you both have in common.\" \"I think he'd be good for you.\" I think he would too, but he obviously doesn't agree.  \"And Lay?\" \"Yeah?\" \"I'm always here for you... I might not be the first person you call and maybe not the second or third but know that you can.\" \"Thanks.\" I said softly really appreciating it. He knew how much the relationships I formed with people meant a lot to me. I valued them and gave them my all. That's why it hurt when Hakeem broke all ties with me, besides the fact he was my brother. Our breakup hurt, there's no denying that. I came to love him, depend on him, and see a future with him. I gave him a quick hug before returning inside. I never was one to give up. When I didn't make the volleyball team the first year, I practiced during the entire summer. I tried again the following year,

earning a spot on varsity and soon earning the role of captain. When my dog Scruffie ran away, I spent the whole afternoon looking for him around the neighborhood all by myself until I found him messing with some dead animal near the playground. When I got into a terrible car accident, three months after getting my license, I never gave up during my physical therapy sessions. There were days when I cried and there were days when I was in so much pain, but I never let that stop me. When my mom was sick, I never gave up on her because she never gave up on herself. That's the kind of women we are. But I did know when to call it quits. And now wasn't it.

55. The Misunderstood Misfits Jake laughed at the tv screen finding it hilarious. He always found it funny when he saw how the television portrayed us. Jennifer rolled her eyes at his stupidity and switched the television to something else, starting another battle between the two. The troubled. The deranged. The misfits. Whatever you want to call it, it all means the same. We had nothing to look forward to but trouble. Maybe it's because trouble is all we've ever known. Take Jake as example, everyone assumes he skips school to smoke or do drugs. Would you believe me if I told you he has never touched either substance in his entire life? Would you have ever guessed it's because he's in too much pain to move? Would you ever guess that there were times his father missed the parts of him he could cover with jeans or a t- shirt? How could he possibly explain a black eye over and over without an investigation being necessary? If there's one thing I knew for sure, it's that he didn't want to be the one to put his old man behind bars.

Jennifer, sweet Jennifer, at least she used to be. All it took was one man to change her life forever. That man was her dear uncle who took her in once her mom, the parent she's ever known, died. She had no one to turn to except us. But what about the police you ask? He was the chief of police at our station downtown, the only one for miles. It would be her word against his. The words of a supposed wanton, a delinquent against a good man, a protector, a law enforcer, a prized possession of our community. She loathed her body with a passion, often claiming it all damaged good anyways... with an I don't care at all laugh. But we know different. It kills her inside. Wanting to share the truth yet knowing no one would believe you was torture. Adam, his grades plummet further and further each year. Everyone calls him dumb, an idiot, and stupid. But they do that behind his back of course. They're scared he'll use his muscles to beat them into his pulp. Little do they know he's a big softie. He couldn't hurt a fly even if he wanted to. Those big muscles he has, the ones everyone fears aren't used to beat people up. They're used to carry boxes and shipments. They're used to make money for his family. Now, do you see why his grades plummet?

He spends all day at school then heads to work. The remainder of the day is used to make money. Not so he can but fancy clothes or buy cigarettes. But it's so his family can survive. It's so Bella, his younger sister, can have two pairs of school to start the school year instead of one. It's so his mom can afford at least one of her medications although there's so many more. It's so they can have a decent meal once in a while. It's just so they can survive, is that so wrong? Are you judging him for trying to live? You do it with ease. He works for it. Destiny. We don't like to talk about her because it's just too hard. She was like the mother of our wayward group, our guide if you want to call it. She's the only one who saw us for who we really were, kids who received the bad end of the stick. Kids left to fend for themselves, provide for themselves and protect themselves the only way they knew how. Because if we don't, who will? You? The ones who judge us? The ones who plan out our futures, granting us three choices if we're fortunate: jail, streets, or the grave.

Society? The ones who portray us all as smokers, gangsters, criminals, druggies, and idiots? And then there's me, I don't know how I fit into this crowd at all. I was the normal one of them all, at least that's what they tell me. My parents were both living, loving and working. Neither of them has ever laid a hand on me. I was the one with a needle and thread trying to patch their lives back together. I was the one who bandaged Jake's cuts and bruises, the one to reposition his broken arm not once or twice but too many times to count. I was the one who held Jennifer when she cried herself to the point of hysteria and incoherency. I was the one to remind her she was beautiful even if she couldn't, even if the pain of it all blinded her from the truth. I was the one who occasionally gave Adam money, the only way he'd take it was by doing the odd jobs I'd find for him to do like grabbing our mail or taking dog Kingster for a walk.

So, when you see us huddled around Jake's old mustang after school, don't be quick to label us as misfits. You know the one. Because in reality, we're kids trying to survive with the cards we've been dealt with. Yes, we may go about it the wrong way at times... most of the time if you will. Yes, some of us end up as criminals, killers, or worse. But not all of us, before you judge us all as one big bad crowd of failure and corruption get to know our story first. And you just might begin to understand where the rest of us are coming from. Most likely you won't because it's easier to believe an image or an idea that you've been fed your whole life because whether you want to believe it not, it's easier to swallow than the cold hard truth. 

56. Married To A Celebrity \"Andrew Moore's wife was spotted yesterday in a long line of Starbuck coffee lovers. You'd think with the money she now has she could just pay someone to make her coffee or buy it. Someone needs to remind her that this isn't Kansas anymore.\" Accompanying the short blurb was unflattering pictures of me itching my nose, blowing bubbles with my gum and digging out a hardcore wedgie. There were days, like this one, when I wondered if I chose the right life. Sure, it had its glamour and its perks, but it also has its thorns and its poisons. We couldn't go anywhere without being mobbed by his eager fans hoping to get his autograph. We couldn't go anywhere without cameras lurking somewhere. I was starting to develop paranoia. \"What are you reading this early in the morning beautiful?\" he asked opening the door. He just came home from his morning jog, most days I went with him, but Addison wasn't feeling up to it today.  I've been throwing up since the moment he walked out the door, purposefully holding it in until he was gone, or he'd be finding a picture-perfect moment to post it on his Instagram. He posted hourly on that

thing. I hated social media with a passion. It's what ruined my entire high school existence. Ever since the incident, I delete all my platforms. I’ve never looked back. My life is my life. You don't need a snapshot of every second of it. He kissed my cheek before rubbing my belly. \"And good morning to you baby girl.\" We were the only ones who knew that I was expecting. And I wanted to keep it that way for a long time. \"Nothing important, how was your run?\" I asked throwing the magazine in the trash. That's what they all were anyway: trash, trash, and more trash. \"Refreshing but I did miss you out there today...Hey, where's your phone?\" he asked. \"Upstairs why?\" \"Just wondering, I'm going to head up and shower before your doctor's appointment.\" \"Alright, just don't take an hour this time.\" I groaned. He took longer showers than I did. \"You see all this?\" he asked grinning. \"It takes time.\"

\"Whatever,\" I laughed. \"Just hurry, I'm not trying to be late.\" He did a mock salute before running up the stairs. Like I knew he would, he took longer than an hour. I knew if I didn't go get him, we were going to be late for our appointment. When I finally made my way up to our room, the sound of my phone beeping caught my attention. It was filled with notifications, text messages, missed calls and voice mails. Mom How could you tell the world you're pregnant before your own mother! Grr! Congratulations though baby girl! She's going to be a beauty just like her mommy! Veronica  So happy for you sister from another mister! Can't wait to spoil her when she comes out. Definitely throwing you a baby shower! Jamie You're pregnant! I'm going to be an auntie! Eric and Simon are going to be ecstatic to have a cousin! Congratulations sis!

How did they know? I checked the message from my sister, enclosed was a link to Andrew's public Instagram page. \"One of the best things in the world is knowing you’re going to be a father. Can't wait to meet you baby Addison Moore! 4 months in counting!\" Next were the voicemails from the selfish media and paparazzi wanting to get the inside story and promises of getting their hands on her picture first the moment she came out. I was seething after I read all the messages people sent me, good and bad. There were those congratulating me and wishing me a safe pregnancy then there were those doing the exact opposite. Unknown Number  You're not even pretty enough to carry his child. Unknown Number  Just cause your having his baby doesn't mean you're going to be sticking around. Unknown Number  Of all people, why you?

\"Is everything just a publicity stunt to you?\" I asked angrily once he walked out of the shower and into the room. He sighed knowing exactly what I was angry about. \"Julia, don't be mad—\" \"Don't be mad?\" I asked hysterically. \"Don't be mad!\" I repeated louder. \"I'm not mad, I'm enraged!\" How could he be so insensitive? \"You can't just put stuff like that on Instagram without telling me! We weren't going to tell anyone yet—\" \"You're already four months along Julia, you've passed the safe zone. What exactly are we waiting for?\" he asked throwing his hands up in the air. \"Are we waiting for them to accept that you're the one I married, you're the one I love, you're the one I'm having a child with?\" he asked. \"You're never going to get acceptance from all of them, I don't see why it matters.\" \"Of course, you don't! They don't come after you!\" I yelled. \"And even if they do, your PR people are all over it, making all the mean words and mean people go away!\"  I said angrily! He didn't know the ton of hate mail I got daily in my email and my phone. He never paid attention to what they were saying to me