The Collection:The Struggles of Young Women_PDF Version

in the magazines. He developed a tough skin over the years, he'd hear what they said about him then brush off. But I didn't have that. Each time they brought me down, it struck deep, chipping away at what little self-esteem and confidence I was able to build over the years. \"You can't fight every battle that comes your way! I can't do anything to all those people who call you ugly or call you names or do anything online Julia. I wish I could, but I can't! They are cowards, all of them! They would never say something like that to your face or mine!\" he said pointing at his chest. \"I respect your choice to stay out of social media, I really do but respect my choice to be on it. Respect my choice to post what I want. I like sharing my life with my fans, I like keeping them updated on what's been happening.\" By his life, he means everything. He posted all our dates, stripping them of their intimateness by sharing it with the world. He posted a picture of us when we just got engaged and by just I mean about five minutes after. He posted some of our wedding pictures. Even if you weren't there, you would have thought you were by the way each photo outlined

every moment. There was me walking down the aisle, both of us saying I do, the kiss, our first dance, and more. People had fun that day, offering to be his bride for the day or getting him a better-looking bride than the one he had. \"They are the whole reason I'm here, the reason why I—we have all this stuff.\" He said. \"I can't just ignore them. I give them what they want which is nothing more than a couple of pictures here and there.\" What about what I want? \"I didn't marry you and your fans, nor did I marry you for all the pretty stuff you have.\" I said slipping the ring off my finger. \"But since that's what's important to you, keep it.\" I said throwing the ring at him.

57. Married To A Doctor I was desperately hoping tonight would be the night. I can't remember the last time I've had dinner with him and the kids. That says a lot since I had the memory of an elephant. I still remember when Madison White purposely tripped me on the playground in first grade because I called her out on picking her nose. The house was cleaned, well as clean as it could be when you had kids in their terrible twos. The tiled floor was free of juice stains and clear of toys. The table was all set with plates for all of us. Now all he had to do was come home. But he didn't. Alone, I had unset the table. Alone, I brushed the kids' teeth. Alone, I had to shower the kids. Alone, I read them a bedtime story before kissing their foreheads gently and wishing them a good night. Alone, I was always alone.

The last time I've had my husband's full attention was when I was pregnant with the twins. During those nine months, he doted on me and never wanted to leave my side. I would purposely get pregnant again just to have him hold me the way he did, kiss me the way he did, and pay attention to me the way he did. Just to have him here. This is what has come of our marriage after only three years! I've loved this man for years there were days when I wondered if I knew him at all. Michael proposed during our third year of college, but we didn't get married until he officially became a doctor, his wish not mine. He came from a family of doctors and it's always been his dream. His older brother became a pediatrician like their parents. His older sister is a cardiologist. His grandma used to be a dermatologist and his grandpa used to be a gynecologist. It was his passion for wanting to help people that drew me to him, a young woman going to school to become a teacher. It was a passion we both shared. He didn't come home until eleven. We were supposed to have dinner a six. \"You had one job.\" I said as soon as he walked through the front door. I've been watching the clock with my legs tucked in as I sat on the couch and a

glass of wine. It was filled to the brim to help keep my insanity intact for a little while longer. \"Christina, I'm sorry. I was coming home but then there was this patient—\" \"There's always a patient Michael and there's always going to be a patient. You can't fix them all.\" \"But that doesn't mean I can't try!\" \"It doesn't mean you have to neglect your family!\" \"You think I've been neglecting you?\" he asked shocked. \"Look around you Christina, you have everything! You have what people wish they could! You have a nice home, a place to lay your head, food, a family, and healthcare. What more do you want?\" he asked incredulously. \"I'm glad you asked,\" I said sarcastically. \"I want my husband to be home!\" \"I am!\" \"At a reasonable hour!\"

\"Well, it's probably seven am somewhere in the world.\" He said crossing his arms. His failure to see the problem was making my blood boil. \"But we're not there, we're here Michael. This is where the problem is, right here in this home. You're never around to be with us. We need you as much as your patients do!\" More than they do. \"When's the last time you played with Christopher, huh? When's the last time you lifted Carla and twirled her around? When was the last time we crawled into bed together, at the same time? When was the last time we did something as a family like going to the park or on vacation?\" \"People's lives are in my hands Christina, what do you suppose I do with that? Ignore it? This is what I went to school to do. My patients count on me to take care of them and get them back out there.\" \"That makes two of us! What about us, huh? It's your duty to take care of us too! You see this ring, you vowed to take care of me and to love me! I'm not seeing either of those things.\"

\"Then maybe you need to open your eyes for once and see what's right in front of you.\" He said clenching his teeth. \"Trust me, I am and it's not much!\" He shook his head, \"I come home after a long day of work and this is what I come to.\" \"At least you come home to something! I come home to an empty house every day. A house that doesn't get filled until I walk in with the twins, the groceries, their prescriptions and anything else I had to do after work!\" I yelled. \"I do all these things alone with no one to help me! I'm not a single mother but it sure does feel like I am!\" \"You knew this was what you were signing up for when you married a doctor!\" He said angrily. \"I didn't marry a doctor! I married you!\" \"What's the difference?\" He asked. \"One I love, one I don't. Care to guess which is which?\"

58. The Black Cheerleader \"You're still on this,\" groaned my stepbrother. \"Yes.\" I said crossing my arms. \"And I don't want to hear anything about it.\" \"Just don't come crying to me when you don't make it.\" \"You two clowns ready to go, I have a ten o'clock class to make it to after dropping you two off,” said my older sister as she walked out the house. Being a black cheerleader at our school was unheard of. Why? I don't know but it just was. Every year my friends and my stepbrother discouraged me from trying out. But not this year! It's only my senior of high school once and I wasn't leaving with regrets! If I didn't make it fine but to not have tried would go against everything, I believed in. \"You're smiling.\" Said Amanda. That was the first thing she noticed walking up to my locker. \"I'm smiling.\" I said. It was nothing new, I was always smiling.

\"That's not a good sign.\" \"When am I not smiling?\" I asked. She sighed, \"You're actually going try out this year. You know we love you, but this is a bad idea.\" \"A really bad idea,” said Imani appearing from thin air. \"Wait, what's a bad idea again?\" she asked. \"Joining the cheerleading team.\" \"That's a deplorable idea!\" she said spitting out her coffee. \"I'm mad you guys don't believe in me.\" I said rolling my eyes. \"First my family and now you too, I can't even—\" \"We do, we've seen what you can do. You're great but they,\" she said pointing towards the spot where the cheer team hung out before school started. \"Aren't.\" \"Stop pointing Amanda.\" Imani said putting her hand down. \"We both know what a great cheerleader you would be. You've got the cute face,

the muscled legs, the pep, the perky attitude, and everything.\" \"Except the skin color.\" said Amanda. \"I'm ashamed to say this, but our squad is all white. They are not going to allow you to ruin that.\" \"They will when they see what I've got.\" I said walking away. I understood their concern, but this was something I had to do. I was doing it for me and right now all I wanted was their support. But since that seemed too much to ask, I was going to be my own support. For now, that was going to suffice. It had to. ~•~ The other girls eyed me like I was a threat as I changed in the locker room, but I wasn't going to let them bother me. \"Are you sure about this?\" asked one of the girls. I didn't even know who she was. \"Mhm.\" 

\"You do know a black cheerleader at our school is unheard of, right? If you don't believe me check the yearbooks.\" \"I know.\" I said lacing up my shoes. I tightened my ponytail and tucked in my shirt before heading out. I was surprised when I came out to see Imani and Amanda sitting on the bleachers with posters saying \"We Believe In You! You're Going To Be Great!\" On the bottom, Imani drew a tiger. Seeing them there supporting me made me feel good and gave me renewed confidence. I could do this. There were about fifteen of us trying out, there was room for only five. I was going to be one of the chosen five. Tryouts began with us doing some cheers, some that we created on our own and some that have been done in the past by the current cheerleaders. I made sure I was loud yet clear. I made sure I looked happy and excited yet focused. Next came learning several counts of dance, I've learned all the ones they performed during our halftime shows, so it was easy for me. I followed the captain with ease, not once did I miss a beat. The jumping, tumbling, and stunting were my favorite! That's where I could show them exactly what I could

do. When it was my turn, I did an assortment of practiced somersaults, cartwheels, and handstands. \"Good job girls!\" yelled the captain looking at every one of the girls except for me. Three days later, I walked to the board nervously, not that I let it show. People around here saw nerves as weakness and would exploit it. I walked around the school with smiles of pure joy until I came up to the board. I was confused when I saw I didn't make the team! I thought I did excellent. I did better than half of the girls who tried out! Delilah couldn't count to save her life. Amy had trouble distinguishing left and right. Her sister Allie had the same problem but with up and down. And the rest of them were just awful, I'm sorry but it was the truth. They lacked pep. They lacked energy. They lacked a real desire to be on the team. Most of them only wanted to be a cheerleader to climb up the high school social ladder. What kind of team were they going to be? They would rather have a sorry team than break some stupid tradition? I was going to have to talk to Hannah, the captain about this after school. Practice began in the gym immediately after school. That's where I found her starting to set up. Everyone looked at me awkwardly.

\"I want to know why I didn't make the team.\" I said standing before her with my arms crossed. \"I'm sorry, Kayla, isn't it?\" \"Don't worry about my name, just answer the question.\" I snapped. \"I was good! You know I was good, so why aren't I on the team?\" \"My team, my decision.\" She said losing her perky attitude and synthetic smile. Mom always did tell me fake never lasts for long. \"What team?\" I asked. \"You can't call this a team—\" \"Look Kammie, go back to whatever ghetto town you came from.\" She said. \"Face it, you're just not as good as you thought you were. I'm sorry, but someone had to tell you.\" Angrily, I turned myself around and went on my way. She wasn't worth it. \"Kayla!\" I heard someone yell from behind me. I looked back angrily to see it was Tina. I had Spanish with her. She wasn't the object of my anger so there was no reason to take out on her. \"Yea?\"

\"I'm sorry you didn't make it, You were really good.\" She said. \"And I mean amazing, better than Hannah even.\" \"Thanks...\" Too bad that wasn't good enough. \"If only you weren't...\" She said trailing off. \"Black?\" I asked filing in the blank space. Embarrassedly her face turned bright red, \"I should go. I'll see you around.\" When I got home my oldest brother was waiting for me with open arms and a box of tissues. \"Come here sis.\" And there I went to bawl my eyes out. That's what I get for hoping. That's what I get for trying to break tradition.

59. Married To A Celebrity II \"You can't keep hiding out here forever, that man is your husband and you're going to have to get back to him.\" said my mom as she folded dad's laundry and mine. \"I understand you were angry—\" \"Angry doesn't begin to explain how I felt—” \"Okay, then maybe enraged and betrayed but baby we both know he didn't do it with the intention of hurting you.\" \"When do people ever have the intention of purposely hurting you unless they’re some murderer or criminal out for revenge?\" I asked. \"I know he wasn't trying to hurt me, but he did it anyway knowing what the consequences would be.\" I slumped against the chair. \"Mom, I don't want my entire life plastered on some billboard for everyone driving by so see.\" I said tearing up. \"I don't want—\" \"Baby trust me, Andrew isn't them. He would never do what they did!\" \"And how do you know?\"

\"It doesn't matter how I know, what matters is that you come to know and believe or else this ship you're on, you know the big yacht, won't keep sailing for long.\" She said. \"And is that what you want,\" \"I—\" \"Think about it.\" I was wondering whose side she was on. Sometimes it felt like my side and other times it was. Andrew's been stopping by every other day, a tiring task since we lived about five hours away from my parents. Knowing how much he avoided using a plane as much as possible, he was scared of them, I'm guessing he drove. I would hear his voice from upstairs in my old bedroom. I told mom to send away, I didn't want to see him. He'd ask a few questions about how she was and my dad then he'd ask what he really wanted to know which was how me and the baby were doing. My mom would offer him something to eat on the ride home, he'd kindly decline saying he already ate and then he'd be on his way.

Dad wouldn't have let him in. He never did like Andrew, he said he wasn't good enough for me. But then again, no man was ever good enough for me. The same way no girl was good for my brother in my mother's eyes. I was busy watching divorce court when I heard the door open and shut. Mom has been walking back and forth, in and out of the house, as she tended to her garden. She was planting a farm with veggies and fruits outback and in the front, she was planting flowers. I helped her out a bit but then she sent me inside when the sun came out and turned up the heat. \"Andrew would never forgive me if something happened to you two, neither would your dad and neither would I.\" \"I'm not a baby mom.\" I groaned as I got up and took a sip from the cold raspberry lemonade. \"But you're carrying one. Once you have a baby Juju, you can't just think about yourself. You're no longer a priority, she is.\" She said pointing at my baby girl. \"I know.\" I said ashamedly. I grabbed my phone on the patio table headed towards the sliding door. When I went upstairs, I took a nap. I was more tired

than I thought then I started painting my nails, I always loved doing them myself. When my bedroom door opened, I thought it was my mom coming to talk some sense into me. \"Not you.\" I said when I saw Andrew. All those feelings from three weeks ago came rushing back with full force. I wanted to cry because and I missed him so much! I wanted to yell at him for being so stupid and inconsiderate! I wanted to be angry at him because he hurt me! \"I'm not here to fight Jules.\" He said putting his hands up. \"How are you and Addie?\" \"Why? So, you can just go post it on Instagram or Twitter?\" I asked bitterly. \"No thanks.\" Andrew took a seat on the edge of the bed next to me. So, I did what any sane pregnant woman would do? I moved off the bed and stood to the side with my arms crossed. \"I've done a lot of thinking these past few days.\" He said somberly. \"I kept thinking about what made you go from one to one hundred so quick. I've never seen you so angry.\"

\"I've haven't been that angry in a long time.\" \"I know and it's my fault and I'm sorry. I went behind your back and did something I knew would upset you. I should've taken our past into consideration, but I didn't. I was just so happy and acted selfishly.\" I was exactly three months when I lost our first child, it was a boy. We were going to name him Simon after his grandpa. Andrew was so excited and that time, the first time, I let him post the good news, I had nothing to lose. But I did. My loss was one shared with the entire world and I felt like a naked woman in the streets. I was so ashamed and felt like a failure. It was all everyone talked about for weeks until the next big thing came around. To have him post that picture on his Instagram was like a stab in the back. All those feelings of anger and hurt came rushing back and my thoughts of Simon resurfaced. \"And I came to another conclusion—\" \"That you're an idiot?\" I asked. And I'm a bigger idiot for marrying him. \"No, that's true but that wasn't what I realized.\"

\"Do you know what it was I realized?\" Obviously not. \"What was it?\" I asked curiously eyeing the way he got up and walked closer to me. \"You're punishing me for what those girls did to you back in high school.\" He said wrapping his arms around me. Those arms made me feel so secure, so protected. That's the biggest thing that drew me to Andrew, he was a protector. There was never a day when I didn't feel safe with him. \"Julia, I would never use social media to hurt you! I would never use anything to purposely hurt you not even my own words. Because hurting you means hurting me. When you hurt, I do too,\" he said softly. \"I feel it right here,\" he said bringing my hand up to his heart. I could feel his heart beating nice and strong, it would kill me too if it ever stopped. “I think it's about time you've seen someone to help you properly deal with that part of your life because it still haunts you.\" \"How can it not?\" I said softly. \"It was one of the worst times of my life.\" I said tearing up. \"I know baby, trust me I do.\"

When I was in high school, I used to do some minor modeling. I had a great body; it wasn't one I was blessed with, but I worked for it. I spent my fair amount of time at the gym, I took care of my body and my face. The only thing that came naturally was my height. I thought Susan, May, and Ashely were my friends. But they were far from it. They were jealous of all the attention I was getting at school. But I didn't let it go to my head, I promise I didn't. I was still me, Julia White. At first, they started teasing me, I'd laugh it off, ignoring the tears it brought to my eyes and the pain in my chest. Then they started being rude and soon it escalated to shunning me. Three months later and they were offering me to come to their sleepover. I thought they had forgiven me for whatever it was I had done wrong. But I was wrong. I made a lot of wrong conclusions back in high school. My mom warned me about those girls, but I ignored her warning. They've been my friends since pre-k. I never saw them as being lethal but as I soon learned it's always the simplest organisms that seem to be

the most vicious. So, I went over Susan's house and found the others there. I had a fun time. We laughed as we used to, joked around as we used, and had a good time. I went to sleep happy and I felt part of a group again. I was the first to wake up and shower because I had a meeting to get to with my agent and I didn't want to be late. By the time, I met with my agent around one. My phone was buzzing like crazy with texts and notifications. And when I looked, I was all over Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. The same sites I used to promote myself and further my modeling career. With the photo collages were the titles, \"Ms. Perfects Body isn't so perfect after all.\" I've taken many pictures as an amateur model but one of me unclothed was off-limits, not working talking about ever. And makeup was always used to cover up my ugly scars. The ones no one knew about except my mom and me, not even dad knew.  But now here they were out and the open. My agent was worried when I burst into tears and wouldn't stop sobbing. He called my mom and she was in the small restaurant in seconds with her arms around me. I didn't stop crying for days. I still haven't stopped crying.

Mom made sure they were all prosecuted, an easy thing to do since I was the youngest of the group. They were all eighteen already, something they used to tease me about. They were charged for the taking pictures of me without me knowing, they had cameras in the bathroom, and posting them online without having my consent. A few years later, they each sent me letters. Andrew was the one who found them, I had him burn them all. If social media was the only place they posted it, it wouldn't have better, but knowing all those other places they sent it to killed a part of me that I've had to bury. And just like that my modeling career was over before it really began. And just like that my love for social media transformed into hate. And just like that, I let my past once again interfere with my future. If that doesn't tell me I need help, then I don't know what does.

60. All You Had To Do Was Wait Every year, on the anniversary of my mother's death, I would call my brother only to be met with bitter disappointment. I'm surprised he hasn't blocked me yet. It was always on these days I felt alone and compelled to do something stupid. Even when I was with Brian, the loneliness and emptiness I felt never subsided. But he tried to fill the gaping hole. He would cancel all his plans for the day and stay with me for the entire day. We didn't have to say much but having him there meant the world to me. I felt like taking him up on his offer and calling him up. He would understand but his girlfriend might not. The last thing I needed was a jealous girlfriend on my back. \"What are you doing here?\" I asked opening my front door. I didn't even know he knew where I lived. He was the last person I wanted to see me in my desperate and low state. Ever since his rejection and admittance that he knew of my crush, I haven't stopped by the guys’ favorite hangout. I was still

formulating a game plan when it comes to him. He was definitely a tough nut to crack. \"Brian sent me.\" His hands were comfortably shoved in his pockets. With hands as big as his, I was surprised there was room in there for his keys too. \"That's nice of him but I'm fine.\" I said leaning against the doorway. \"You don't look fine.\" Was it that obvious? \"Appearances can be deceiving.\" \"The only thing you’re deceiving is yourself. We both know you're better than that.\" I shrugged not having the energy to battle it out with words. \"Can I come in?\" he asked. \"I'm not exactly in the mood for visitors.\" \"I'm not a visitor.\" \"What are you then?\"

\"A friend.\" I stepped back to let him walk into the small place I called home. \"Make yourself at home.\" \"I don't think you want me to do that.\" He said settling on my comfy couch. He leaned backward, resting his arm on the back of the couch. \"Why not?\" I asked. \"I'm barely ever home.\" \"Why not?\" \"Because I'm usually working, with my mom and sisters, in class, at the gym, with the guys or somewhere else.\" \"Why?\" \"Is that all you know how to say?\" he asked chuckling. \"Answer my question.\" I said rolling my eyes. I said settling on the opposite side of my comfy couch. I turned towards him tucking my legs in.

\"Because it's lonely there, it reminds me of how alone I really am.\" You could always trust Ricardo to be honest with you about anything. You just have to be brave enough to ask. \"You're lonely?\" I asked. \"Mhm.\" \"You don't look like it.\" \"How does one look lonely?\" I stood up and turned around. \"You look like this.\" I said motioning at myself. \"You could have anyone as a companion Ricardo, all you have to do is ask.\" I said plopping back down. \"I could say the same to you, but we both know it's not that easy.\" He sighed. \"No one can eliminate a certain loneliness you feel except for the person you want to the most.\" \"Who's your person?\" \"You.\" With Ricardo I learned to expect the unexpected, so hearing him say that didn't catch me

off guard. But I didn't really know how to feel hearing him saying that. \"Who's yours?\" he asked. \"It would be really awkward if I didn't say you right now.\" I said leaving the couch to get us both something to drink. I was feeling thirsty all of a sudden. \"It would be, but I just want to know the truth just like you.\" he said, following me into the kitchen. I handed him a bottle of water. \"You.” I said. “You are the person I want to get rid of my loneliness.\" \"Then why did you date Brian?\" he asked crossing his arms. \"I never saw you as being the type of girl to easily move from one guy to the next... Unless you didn't care for the first guy at all.\" \"Is that what you think?\" I asked him angrily. \"Do you think I didn't love him? That I was just trying to make you jealous?\"

\"I'm just asking questions. It's hard to believe you really like me beyond what you saw on the outside if you go and date another guy.\" \"Believe what you want Ricardo, I loved Brian, and no one can tell me different. We loved each other. There are some emotions you can't fake or force. I chose Brian because Brian chose me.\" I said. \"Who did you choose?\" I asked. I wasn’t going to wait all day for someone who may not even be interested in me, someone who may or may not want to be with me. I wasn’t looking forward to dating my entire life. I dated to find someone worth dating and marrying in the future. I wanted a family. He ashamedly looked at his feet, staring at anywhere but me because he would see the hurt there as clear as day. \"I think you should go.\" I said softly feeling myself tearing up. I wanted someone to talk to but not like this. Not about this. I walked him to the door, it only took about seven steps. My apartment was pretty small which was fine because there's only me and it meant cheaper rent. \"All you had to do was wait.\" He said in almost a whisper. I could always hear what he had to say or didn't have to say. \"I wasn't ready.\"

\"I can't wait if I don't know what I'm waiting for.\" I said before closing the door behind him. I just can't. Time is short and precious.

61. The Three A's Approval. Acceptance. Admiration Three simple things I was looking for in a man. Although it took years, I found him. Kamden Wilde was the man made for me. Every day I'm thankful for trying out Delilah’s, a coffee shop on the corner of 3rd street. Only a few footsteps from my doorstep. He sat on one side, although I didn't know it then, and I sat on the other. \"Excuse me, but I just have to say that you're a very beautiful woman.\" I heard someone say. At that point in my life, I was feeling lonely. I could only imagine how gorgeous the lady he was speaking to looked like. She was probably a woman with long blond hair, smooth shaved legs, and a dazzling smile. Why couldn't I have great looks too? I didn't exactly know what I looked like, but I could only assume I wasn't a looker. If I was, wouldn't I be taken already? When I didn't answer, I remember him saying, \"Usually people say thank you once you compliment them.”

I thought to myself she must be a woman who knows she's beautiful and expects you to kiss the ground she walks on. Compliments to her are like pennies to a rich man: pointless and worthless. \"Jerk.\" I muttered under my breath. \"I was thinking the same thing about you.\"  And that's when we both were surprised. He was surprised to know that I was blind. And I was surprised that he thought I was beautiful. From that point on, the surprises only got better. I was surprised when right then and there he offered to take me out on a date to excuse himself for being a jerk. I wasn't the type of girl to take risks, but I accepted the offer and I've never regretted it. His Approval Kamden approved me of me the moment he asked me to marry him. His approval was officially official when he slipped that ring onto my finger and kissed me in front of our three hundred and some guests. Him asking to marry me only showed me that I was

the one he wanted. I was good enough for him even if I didn't have blond hair. I was a brunette. Even if I didn't have perfectly skinny shaved legs. Even I didn't have the ability to see. And even if I wasn't all that perfect. His stamp of approval made me indescribably happy! His Acceptance My biggest worry was that no man would want me because I was blind. I wouldn't be able to stroke his ego with compliments on how handsome I thought he was. I guess I could, but it wouldn't be the truth because I wouldn't know. But Kamden accepted me as I was. He didn't try to force me into getting a surgery that could possibly allow me to gain back the eyesight I lost a few months after I was born.  He accepted me the way I was, not wanting to change anything that was beyond my control. He accepted my preferences; he didn't mind that I didn't like camping or loud music. He accepted the fact that I love going to the library weekly. I loved reading to the kids at the children's hospital, most days he came with me saying it made him realize just how fortunate he was. He accepted my past for it what was knowing it's how I became the woman he fell in love with today.

His admiration Kamden's admiration went beyond words. It was more than him telling me he loves me every day. It was him showing me with his out of tune songs in which he proclaimed everything he loved about me. It was the way he held my hands when I was scared, he said he always admired my strength, but even the strong have their moments of weakness. And it was the-- \"Babe, are you coming?\" he asked, yelling from downstairs. \"We're going to miss our own baby shower if we don't leave in the next ten seconds.\" \"Coming!\" I yelled as I saved the document, closed my laptop, and placed it on the nightstand before slipping on my sandals. Having an online diary was safer than a book one and harder to find. \"What took you so long?\" he asked. \"Do you see this?\" I said pointing at my belly. \"I'm not as light as I used to be, it takes me time to move.\" He chuckled, \"Have I told you how much I love you?\"

\"Only about twice a day.\" I said smiling as he helped me slip my arms into my jacket. \"Let's make it three, I really love you Vanessa.\" And I love you.

62. Welcome To Our Small Town \"Hey, my name is Sarah. Welcome to Huckleberry, home of the best ham around.\" I said smiling. I've been part of the welcoming committee since I was twelve years old. As part of the welcoming committee, you had to look and act the part. My worn-out floral embroidered western books were the finishing touch to my country girl uniform. I didn’t consider us as being out in the country but it’s what the city folks liked to call us. I didn’t try too hard. A denim top, a white skirt, and a large tan belt did the job. \"I've heard a lot about you,\" he said shaking my hand. His look was one of confidence. He seemed to know something that I didn't. \"Have you now?\" I asked suspiciously. \"Mhm.\" My eyes narrowed at this stranger. \"What exactly have you heard?\" I asked. Knowing this town, it was all of my darkest secrets.

\"When you were five years old, you peed in a little blue bucket at the county fair.\" \"That was an accident!\" I groaned feeling my face turned bright red. \"No one was supposed to know about that.\" \"And you cheated on your ex-boyfriend Chad—\" \"I didn't cheat!” I said appalled at his accusation. “And we weren’t dating!” I said wanting to clear up his muddy facts. “Jonah and I were practicing for the play! Mr. Soinelli made it very clear that if we didn't ignite some kind of fire between us, we were both getting the boot!\" I worked too hard memorizing and practicing my lines to be kicked out. \"That's not what Karina said—\" \"His sister? Of course, she'll listen to her brother's version instead of mine.” I was never fan a of that girl. She purposely threw my corndog on the ground after I pointed out a stain on her pageant dress. “She can't be trusted either! Everyone knows their family is full of pathological liars—\" \"And I've heard you've got a bad temper, that's why you pushed Jacob Allen off the swings back in first

grade.\" He said making a tsk sound with his big mouth. \"I didn't push him, well maybe I did,” I said thinking back to that time, “but it's only because he shoved me into mud dirtying my new overalls! Everyone called me Do Do Sarah for weeks!\" The name wasn’t creative, but it caught on. He leaned in closer. \"Is it really true that you got bitten by a rattlesnake twice?\" \"Yes, my cousins put them in my bed as a joke!\" \"The same cousins who dared you to jump off the diving board—\" \"You know them?\" I asked. \"Raine and Kylie? Of course, I do, they're everyone's source of entertainment! There's never a dull moment with those two around.\" I was embarrassed to be related to them. \"That’s exactly why they do what they do, this town eats it up like it's reality tv—\" \"I heard you used to dream of being a reality tv star.\"

\"I've dreamed of being a lot of things.\" \"Like a wife, a doctor, a vet, a teacher, and a therapist?” he asked. “That last one was surprising.\" He scoffed at the idea. \"And why is that?\" I asked grimacing. \"You don't like listening to people talk about their problems. Joy said she came to you when her boyfriend dumped her, and you fell asleep.\" \"I didn't sleep a wink the night before because I was cramming for a test! Listening to Joy rant about her on and off boyfriend won't get me into a good college.\" \"Talking about colleges, they say you're trying to get into one far away because you think you're too good for this town.\" \"I think a lot of things—\" \"Like how you think the softball coach at the community center is cute—\" \"I'm going to hurt Raine!\" I muttered under my teeth. \"You can't tell that girl nothing!\" I should’ve known better.

\"Yet you tell her everything like how you tried to convince your parents to let you sleep over your friends Tina's house, but they didn't because she's got like four brothers.\" He with a laugh. \"I've heard the youngest one is in love with and has been since you were freshmen.\" Ben didn’t know what the word love means if it didn’t involve sports and food. He was infatuated with the idea. \"Ben doesn't like me—\" \"That's not what Franky told me.\" \"Franky tells people a lot of things.\" Frank was the local grapevine; it didn’t help that his dad was the owner of the only newspaper in town. \"He also told me you two kissed in his backyard during his pool party after a big win from the football team.\" \"It was a brief kiss on the cheek!” A detail that never wormed its way into the story he loved to share with everyone. “And it was a dare.\" \"Do you do all dares or just the stupid ones? How could you accept a dare to eat a can of dog food—\"

\"I didn't finish it.\" \"My grandma told me that you're just as spunky as your grandma, she was like you back in high school. She said you’re both boyfriend stealers too.\" My mouth dropped wide in surprise. \"I did not steal her sister's daughter’s boyfriend. Jonathan never even liked her, he told me himself, and that's not my fault.” I said innocently raising my hands. “Trust me, I was rooting for her.\" I said. \"I've also been told that your first kiss was done up in the maple tree on Grover's farm—\" \"How do you even know that!” I yelled. Was it possible to tear your hair out? If so, I was on the verge of doing it. This entire encounter was the strangest in my life. I’ve welcomed hundreds of people, but no one has been like him. I didn’t even know his name. “How do you even know all of these things? You've been in town for like what? A day?\" \"Not quite, about eighteen hours.\" He said happily. \"So, you see Sarah Nolan, there's no need to introduce yourself. I already know all about you.\"

I stared at him. Nothing was spectacular. A regular guy with faded freckles on his face, pale skin, and brown hair that he constantly flipped. Behind his façade of normalcy was a snooping creep. \"Yup, sounds like you sure do.\" I said awkwardly walking away from this guy who seems to have known me his whole life.  \"Two more months until I'm out of this town for good.\" I muttered under my breath as I kicked the pebbles on the paved street. Don't get me wrong, I loved this town with all my heart, but it could you suffocate you if you don't get out on time! And my time was quickly running out. Welcome to our small town where everyone knows everything that there is to know about you and your family for generations to come.

63. I'll Be Back Later \"I'll be back later!” yelled my younger brother Jamal. The door slammed shut behind him. And then there was only one. Mae, my older sister, headed out with her friends to celebrate acing their midterms exam. Nathan, my older brother was hanging out with his buds real quick before meeting his girlfriend Carina. They were celebrating their first year of being a couple. Jamal, my younger brother just got invited over Bart’s house which means he and his friends were going to play video games all night long. I was always here to listen to their plans but never had any of my own. I never had anyone to call up and say, \"Hey, want to do something tonight?\" Just because I wasn't part of a club or a team didn't mean I didn't deserve friends too. I wanted someone to talk about hair with, do makeup with and watch chick flicks with. All the friends I used to have were back in California, on the west coast when I was here in the east. We kept in touch, but it wasn't the same. We couldn’t go out as we used too, do things as we used to or talk as we used to. My siblings were able to adjust to the move and make new friends. I was still having trouble and it’s been a year already.

I sighed as I looked through the window to watch Jamal reverse the car and speed away to joy and merriment. The house was so empty without everyone. There wasn't the sound of Nathan sucking food into his mouth the same way that vacuum does in Teletubbies. There wasn't the sound of Nathan and Mae arguing because he ate her chewy granola bar, her goldfish, her Welch’s gummies, and Cracker Jack. Jamal wasn't here to bug me about doing his homework for him. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I make friends? I felt so lonely sometimes. I angrily ransacked my brain for answers. Was it because I chose to go to school in plain clothes, jeans, and a tee? Was it because the only makeup I wore was Chapstick? Was it because my hair was always up in a ponytail? I never did anything special. Like every Saturday, I took a seat on my favorite recliner, the big red one in between the two couches and turned the tv on. \"I guess it's just you and me old friend.\" I said softly when Netflix showed on the screen. Loneliness had become my only companion, a trusty yet unwanted sidekick.

\"I'll be back later.\" I muttered under my breathe. When would those words come out of my mouth? When would I have a chance to go somewhere and find people to go out with?

64. Hit N Run \"You should really focus on the road.\" My heart was beating faster at the prospect of hitting someone or something. It was getting dark making it hard to see already. Having a cellphone in front of your face only added to the low visibility. \"You should really focus on the road.\" He mimicked making fun of me. \"You worry too much Natasha.\" He laughed placing his phone in his lap and returning both hands on the steering wheel. I sighed and leaned back into the seat thinking another crisis has been averted. My brother could be an idiot at times, what would he do without me? When mom called, I eased her worries saying we were on our way. If we hadn't stop for a bathroom break earlier and if we hadn't stop for him to have an hour-long conversation with his clingy and annoying girlfriend, we would've already made it home. We were coming home for break and decided it would save us some money by driving down together. And when you're in college, any dollar you save is a blessing! Jacob was pretty mad once he learned I was going to the same college as him. He was a year older than me, already knowing the place

for a year longer than I did. He established a reputation there; one he didn't want me ruining. The last thing he wanted was his little sister around. But I didn't go there for him, I went for me. They had a great law program there. \"What did I just say?\" I asked once I saw he was back at it again with the texting and driving. \"What did I just sa—\" he repeated as he looked up and saw a dog directly in our path. At the speed he was going there wouldn't be time to slow down, so he did what he thought was the next best thing. He swerved near the edge of the road which was great, absolutely great because he hit a grown man! He hit a living breathing person. He hit someone with dreams. He hit a father, a son, a friend, a co-worker. \"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!\" I repeated hysterically. \"You hit someone!\" I yelled. I was already unbuckling my seatbelt so I could get out to help the man. 

He was in more shock than I was in at that moment. \"S-stay here,\" he said unbuckling his seatbelt. \"I'll g- go check.\" He was gone for a minute, 75 seconds tops. \"What's wrong?\" I asked frantically wanting answers. \"Is he okay?\" \"Is he okay?\" he repeated. \"Is he okay? We hit him going about fifty miles an hour! Do you think he's okay? Would you be okay?\" he asked angrily. \"Stop yelling at me!\" I said crying. I felt bad for the man. I felt angry at myself for not doing more. \"Shh, stop crying Nat.\" He said softly. \"He's d-dead. There's nothing we can do for him.\" \"We've got to call the police.\" I said sniffling. \"We have to!\" It was the right thing to do! \"We can't!\" he said forcibly. \"Think about it Nat. We could go to jail. I could lose my scholarship and you can kiss law school goodbye.\" He said. \"There's nothing we can do. He's dead.\" He said stoically. He took the car out of the parking gear and switched it

to drive. And off we went, away from one of the greatest crimes committed in our lives. ~•~ \"My babies!\" yelled mom opening the door. She pulled us both into her arms for a warm embrace, him first then me. Nothing ever got past her. \"Have you two been arguing again?\" she asked looking at our off behaviors. \"Jacob, have you been making your sister cry again?\" she asked. My brother has been making me cry since we were babies. He would tug my hair, steal my cookies, and tease me to tears. But now our problems were bigger than that. \"Dinner is already on the table.\" she called out from the kitchen. \"Listen Nat, you've got to act like nothing happened! Stop looking like—\" \"Like we killed a man?\" I whispered. \"Because that's exactly what we did! We took a life and we ran! Do you know much jail time that is?\" \"What are you two whispering about me?\" asked mom with a smile on her face.

\"Nothing.\" We both said jumping away from each other. After freshening up, I just splashed my face with water, we were settled at the dinner table. Mom filled us in on her life, not that we weren't privy to every bit of it despite being two hours away. And all I could think about is how I would die a lonely life in prison. I was going to rot in a cell all alone. Jacob offered to wash the dishes, signing me to come along too to get the job done. He just wanted to get me far away from mom before the truth spill right out of my guts. She sat on her favorite recliner, stretching her legs as she put her feet up. The first thing on the news was the report of a hit and run. My hands stopped moving. Jacob slowed the water coming out of the faucet. The man was barely breathing and barely living when they found him. It was a miracle he was still alive. They've yet to identify him. \"And it looks like another case of a hit and run.\" One of the reporters said sighing. \"We're seeing too many of these too often. “I felt like I was going to be sick.