“Can you give me some space to change please?” I think she was politely asking meto leave the room. I did so and waited until I was called back in. She walked past mewearing a long black bathrobe with a hood pulled over her head. “It works like anabaya.” She explained. I felt bad that she had to cover up inside when my brotherwas home.5I lay on the bed and waited for her to return. When she did, she tied her hair into abun and then removed the bathrobe. Seeing her in my shirt made me feel weird. Itfelt like she was mine because she was in my shirt. It was a creepy thought so I begantalking to her instead. She put on her abaya and hijab. She was signaling she wasready to pray our two rakat nafl (a prayer) that we were advised to pray on thewedding night.33Once we were done, I sat on the bed, waiting for her to join me. She awkwardlyslipped inside the covers on the opposite side of where I was. She seemed to be asfar away as she could be. It made me laugh. I came closer and put my arm aroundher. I spoke to her some more as she answered me with short replies. She hadwashed off most of her make up, but she still looked gorgeous. I told her that andshe hid her face with the duvet.15“Are you tired?” I asked. She shrugged. I bit my lip, restraining the desire that hadtaken over since I first saw her. But I couldn’t hold back anymore. I leaned in and weshared our first kiss. Her face had taken on a shocked expression and she wasblushing a lot. “Are you okay?”179“I’m fine.” She squeaked.“Do you want to go to sleep?”“Okay.” I gave her a big smile and kissed her head.2“Goodnight.” I said and I switched the lights off. Instead of sleeping, I lay awake,thanking Allah over and over. It was the most perfect day ever.
Chapter 19.Safia’s POVHe had called me beautiful! For the first time in my life I was called beautiful bysomeone who wasn’t family or a friend. It came from Yusuf. That alone, made meshiver in joy. Those words and the image of him saying them were on replay in mymind. All I could think about was Yusuf, the way he looked at me and the things hesaid. That was until the time came for me to leave home.5“No hugs, no crying, no goodbyes. I’ll be back soon.” I said taking a deep breath. Ilooked around at my home, my life. It was my comfort, my escape from the big scaryworld. I knew every corner of this house and every little piece of it provided me witha sense of protection. I looked around at my huge family around me. I couldn’t thinkabout leaving them, if I did, I’d break. I followed Yusuf out to the car telling myself Iwas going to be coming home very soon. I reminded myself of the deal that wasmade, that I would be allowed to spend a lot of time at home because of my studies.1Just as I was about to get in the car, my dad came and kissed me on my head. Iswallowed the lump in my throat and took another deep breath. Blinking fast,hoping my tears won’t fall, I climbed into the car.“I’ll be back soon.” I said more to myself than my family. The car started, causing apain in my chest. I closed my eyes as we pulled away. I didn’t want to speak andprayed to Allah that Yusuf wouldn’t try to talk to me yet. I was leaving my home, myfamily, my everything. In an attempt to calm my thoughts, I began to think aboutYusuf. He was brave. I had actually thought I would describe Yusuf as ‘my sweet, shy,awkward husband.’ But no, I was the shy awkward one.4Allah had listened to my prayers and we reached Yusuf’s house without speaking toeach other. As soon as he turned the engine off, I stepped out of the car, desperatefor fresh air. I felt a lot better. Then Yusuf took my hand and led me to his door,causing weird sensations in my tummy. This must be butterflies. I thought I had feltthem but not like this. This was a new feeling and I liked it.Maryam greeted us at the door and instantly my mood lightened up. She was oneof those people that just made me smile. She took my bag and my other hand andpulled me inside their house, which was now also my house. I had come here oncebefore, and it still looked just as small. That was probably because they had a normalsized family compared to mine. Technically only 6 people lived at my house buteveryone was around so often it didn’t feel that way.1
I chatted with Maryam, Yusuf and their dad for longer than I thought I would. I wassurprised how easy it felt for me to talk to his dad, he was a funny man. Their mumcame in and told Yusuf to show me our room. As I followed Yusuf up, my whole bodywas shaking and I was sweating again. I went into my new room that I would besharing with Yusuf. How was I going to share? My room in my house was mine onlywith my things. It was okay for people to take things out but I really disliked whensomething that wasn’t mine was placed in my room. Now I was going to have a roomwhere only half the things would be mine. I was grateful to see Maryam come in. Iwasn’t ready to be alone with Yusuf again. He made me feel too tingly, if that madesense. It felt good but it came with bad side effects, weird breathing, going red andfeeling very hot.6When Maryam left, the night turned into a disaster for me. There was that incidentwith the clothes in the suitcase, then I had no pajamas so I had to wear Yusuf’s shirt.I had to kick him out of his own room to change which made me feel bad. At first Ididn’t even want to wear his shirt but I felt I had no other choice. But then I wore itand it felt so comfortable and I wondered whether he’d let me keep it. Then I gotready for bed with my new bathrobe which I absolutely loved. It was like an abaya,up to my ankles and it had a hood. I had to share the house with Javed which meantI had to cover. I didn’t mind, I kind of did that already sometimes.24When we prayed together, it was so amazing. I felt refreshed and renewed after weprayed. I looked over at Yusuf who was giving me the look again. It made me so shyand stopped my tongue from uttering any words. Instead, all I could do was smileand look down. For a whole month, I had been preparing conversations in my headto avoid any sort of awkwardness and to get to know each other. I had imagined myreaction to anything that could possibly happen. But there I was, nothing washappening but yet I couldn’t do anything. Yusuf being next to me made all thoughtsleave my mind.5I got into bed as far as I could, not because I didn’t want to be near him, but becauseit just felt so strange. For years now, I slept alone and I liked it that way. OccasionallyI may have let Sara or Musa share my bed with me, even then I’d sleep in the farcorner afraid of squashing them. He scooted next to me and put his arm around me.I felt myself freeze again.
“You washed your make up off but you still look just as gorgeous. Maybe more.” Iquickly covered my face with the duvet, feeling myself blush more than I ever had. Ididn’t say anything. Yusuf had been trying to talk to me for a while now but I wasn’treplying properly. If he thought that coming this close and putting his arm aroundme was going to make me talk, he was seriously wrong. He uncovered my face whileI tried to think of something to say.1\"Are you tired?\" He asked. I just shrugged unable to speak. I made sentences in myhead but the words refused to come out. As if that wasn't bad enough, whathappened next made me forget how to form any words at all. I couldn't even think,all I could do was feel. Feel all my insides melt away.14I sat in complete shock.“Are you okay?” I didn’t even know what he was saying. Then I slowly pieced thewords together and remembered what they meant.“I’m fine.” My voice sounded so high pitched.“Do you want to go to sleep?”“Okay.” That was the only word I could think of. What was wrong with mycommunication skills? I was sure this was't normal. He took his arm off me, gave mea huge smile and kissed my head before turning around to sleep.9I couldn’t sleep and the thought of Yusuf sleeping next to me wasn’t helping. WhenI thought of him, my heartbeat went so fast I became afraid it might explode. Yusufwas not anything like I expected him to be. He was confident and alluring. When Ithought about the day’s events, the butterflies in my tummy would start havingsome sort of disco. I needed to stop thinking of Yusuf and sleep. I tried to direct mymind to think of something else. I concluded that the feeling of thinking of Yusuf waswhat was keeping me awake. I wanted to be fresh in the morning, not my normalcranky morning self so I needed a good night’s sleep.5I thought of the gifts I’d left at home. All the girls had given me a box which containeda book which they all signed, wishing me luck and giving me prayers. There was alsoa bracelet from Layla, a few Islamic books on marriage and other bits and bobs. I'dalso forgotten the hijabs they bought me
It only worked for a little while for my mind unwillingly went back to Yusuf. I hadthought he was shy and would lower his gaze when he saw me, then keep hisdistance for a while, but nope. I don't think he was fond of distance, and I was evenmore surprised at myself, welcoming him being so close to me. Did I know myself aswell as I thought I did? I thought I would faint or run away as soon as he came close,but I didn’t. I kind of enjoyed him being close to me. I whispered ‘astaghfirullah’ andthen had to stop myself from laughing. I was asking Allah to forgive me for beingclose to my husband. Well, it was going to take me a while to get used to thismarriage thing.21Somehow, I had managed to fall asleep. It did take me a long time though.I was being awakened by some light shaking.\"Safia, wake up.\" I heard a man saying close to my ears, so close I could feel his hotbreath. I jumped up in shock and accidentally hit him in the process. I saw Yusufsitting with a grey sweatshirt holding his nose.2\"I am so so sorry! Are you okay? Here, let me see.\" I had just hit him! I had just hurtYusuf!8\"I'm fine.\" He said rubbing his nose a little and taking his hands away. His nose wasa little red, because of me. \"It's time for Fajr.\" I was still worried about his nose whenI'd noticed his sweatshirt again.8\"Were you wearing that to bed?\" I asked. Do people even wear sweatshirts to bed?\"I got kind of cold because you stole the covers.\" I looked around me. I hadcompletely wrapped the duvet around myself not sparing any for Yusuf.28\"Again, I am so so SO sorry. I'm the worst wife ever.\" I put my head in my hands,completely embarrassed. He put his arms around me and did his deep manly laugh.16\"It's okay, you’re not the worst wife ever. I’m sure they may be a few that are worsethan you.” He teased. I couldn’t even glare at him because his face just made my lipstwitch into a smile. “I’m joking. Don’t worry, I'll teach you how to share. Besides,after putting this on, I wasn't cold anymore and I got a good night's sleep.\" Heassured me. \"Come on, time for Fajr.' He reminded me and I climbed out of bed.I came back from the bathroom to see Yusuf in a white Jubba and a black coat, readyto pray Fajr in the masjid.3
\"I'll be back soon.\" He kissed the top of my head and headed out. He looked good ina thobe, I thought to myself. Then I got ready to pray. I had to keep saying 'mustfocus' to myself because Yusuf was beginning to take over my mind.15Once I was done, I sat on the bed, awaiting Yusuf's return. I got my phone and repliedto all the messages my friends had sent me. The one from Amy scared me. She hadwritten 'I hope they treat you well.' I knew what that meant. She was referring toher own experiences and was praying I didn't get treated the same way. Themessage was sent at around 3am. She was probably suffering from insomnia again.That had started happening when she moved to Germany to live with her sister. Thehaunting memories of her ex fiance and his family, combined with the disapprovalof her own family, resulted in a big ongoing struggle in Amy's life. 14'I hope you marry Hamza.' I replied back to her. I had a sneaking suspicion that shemight have had the tiniest thing for Hamza. I constantly teased her but a part of mewished it was all true. If Amy was to marry Hamza, her life would improve drastically.She would have the support and love of a huge family, just like I did.34Yusuf came back and I put my phone away. He took his jubba off and reached for hissweatshirt.\"You don't have to wear that. I'll try and share.\" I threw most of the duvet onto hisside of the bed. He came and lay next to me. I was still sitting up.2\"Aren't you going back to sleep?\" He asked.\"Yeah, I will. What time do I have to get up?\"\"9 o'clock.\"\"Okay.\" It was okay as long it was for just one day. For me, 9 o'clock was too early.\"Is that the time we have to wake up every day?\" I asked hoping he'd say no.\"Usually we get up around 10.\" I let out a sigh of relief. I could live with that. Forothers, 10 o'clock was late whereas for me, my morning started no earlier than 11on a day I had off. But 10 o'clock sounded reasonable. “By the way, I got yousomething. Forgot to give it to you yesterday.” He reached down the side of the bedand pulled out a little gift bag. I took out a little box from the bag, opening it up. Itwas a locket with our names on it.13
“Thank you! Jazak’allah!” I said feeling teary. I held the precious locket in my hand,reading our names over and over again. “I’ll wear it tomorrow.” I told him, grinningas wide as I could to show my appreciation. He stroked the side of my cheek with hiseyes drooping. I could tell he was sleepy so I put my locket down and lay next to him.Yusuf soon dozed off.6I turned to face him. He looked so peaceful, slightly snoring, his arm covering half ofhis face. I looked at his hair again. Ever so slowly, I lifted my hand to stroke it. Withthe tips of my fingers, I smoothed down some strands. It was just as soft as it looked.The hair on his head was a shade darker than his beard but it looked good on him. Imoved my fingers to his beard, hoping he wouldn’t wake up. His beard was a littlewavy. I let my fingers run through them. They weren't as soft as his head hair; in factthey weren't that soft at all. But my fingers liked the slightly frizzy texture. Myrational mind was telling me to stop being stupid and pull away before he woke upand caught me, but my heart made me carry on. He stirred a little in his sleep and Isnapped my fingers away, freezing in case he opened his eyes. When he didn't, Iquietly turned around, relieved his didn't catch me.12I woke up and checked the time. 9:30! Why didn’t Yusuf wake me up? I jumped outof bed and rushed to get ready. It was nearly 9:50 when I rushed into my room toput my abaya on. I opened my bedroom door and saw a man there, someone who Ihadn’t seen before. He was coming from the room upstairs so I guessed that wasJaved. I remembered Hafsa saying he was ‘hot’ and was about to laugh. Steppingback into my room, I closed the door, waiting for him to go so I could make my waydown. He was okay. I could see why girls would find him good looking but I honestlythought Yusuf was better. Javed was just that typical image of the kind of guy themedia throw at you. He was tall, built, tanned. His eyes were hazel and his hair wasa dark brown mess. I didn’t find that appealing at all.45When I assumed the coast was clear, I went downstairs. Just before going into theliving room, I heard a man talking.“I’m just saying, I’m disappointed. I really thought you could do better Yusuf.”Disappointed about what?“I don’t care what you think. She’s my wife and I think she’s beautiful.” That wasYusuf speaking, I recognized his voice. What he just said made me so happy I wantedto run into the room and hug him.“You’ve got to be kidding me! Beautiful? Have you seen her face? She looks like a-“71
“Shut up!” Yusuf shouted which so much force, I nearly jumped out of my skin. Hestormed out of the room, his face red with anger. He stopped when he saw me.1“Safia.” He said with guilt after his shock wore off. “Did you hear any of that?”“Yes I heard you call me beautiful.” I said grinning. Normally, if someone said I wasugly or anything negative about my looks, I would have cried. But Yusuf found mebeautiful; he had said it when I wasn’t there. That meant he really truly believed it.I couldn’t help but be filled with joy, completely ignoring what Javed thought of me.He wasn’t my mahram, what he said shouldn’t affect me and it didn’t affect me.29Yusuf looked relieved and grinned back.“Come one, Maryam’s been waiting for you.” He took my hand and led me towardsthe kitchen. We had to pass the living room, where Javed was sitting, to get there. Iawkwardly looked away, hoping that I’d never have to be in the same room as himalone. When we got to the kitchen, I let out the breath I had been holding, feelingat ease.2“Asalamu’alaykum Maryam.”“Wa’alaykumsalaam! Yusuf and I made you breakfast!” Maryam said serving me aplate of fried eggs and a couple of pieces of toast. How did Maryam have so muchenergy all the time?“Jazak’allah.” I said feeling so grateful. We sat in the kitchen and ate breakfasttogether, talking and laughing. We only went back to the living room when we heardJaved leave. I think all three of us had noticed he wasn’t a big fan of me.
Chapter 20.Yusuf's POVI opened one of my eyes to see the sight of Safia on my phone. I checked the timeand saw I had been asleep for two hours.\"Safia...\" I began. She looked up at me guiltily.\"Sorry.\" She said, handing me back my phone.\"You said two games, not two hours. Please let me get you an iPhone.\"\"No, I don't want an iPhone only to play Flappy Bird.\" Safia had asked me after Fajrif she could borrow my phone to play Flappy Bird.11\"There are other things on an iPhone other than Flappy Bird. And you can't getFlappy Bird on a new iPhone anyway.\"\"I like my Blackberry.\"\"Fine, can I get you an S4?\"4\"Again, I like my Blackberry.\"\"The screen is full of scratches.\"\"Every precious scratch tells its own beautiful tale.\" Safia picked up her Blackberryand stroked it gently. I burst into a grin; Safia always had the most entertainingthings to say.1\"You didn't go back to sleep, you're going to be tired today. You said you weren't amorning person.\" It was the day of our Walima. \"All this because of Flappy Bird.\" Isaid shaking my head.\"Actually, I don't like sleeping with wet hair.\" She tossed some of her damp hairbehind her back. \"Besides, I got enough sleep. We went to bed at 9 yesterday,\" Shesaid with a secret smile. My grin grew wider.
We actually slept much later. The day before the Walima, Safia began to miss hermum. We had gone to see her earlier in the week but Safia had spent that time withher siblings. She was occupied with telling Hafsa off for forgetting to pack herpajamas and actually packing her pajamas too. Then, on our second visit which wasthe day before the Walima, Safia made everyone take a walk in the park during thecold. She claimed she was tired when we came home so we went to bed early. Butthen she didn't stay tired for long. 21\"Are you looking forward to today?\" I asked, shuffling closer to her.\"I'm looking forward to wearing my white dress. I can't wait.\"\"And I can't wait to see you in it.\" She frowned at me when I said this.\"So you don't like me how I am now? I have to dress up to impress you?\" I laughedas I took some of her hair and spread it across my face inhaling its scent.4\"I like you however you are.\" Safia blushed and turned away. \"You blush a lot.\"\"That actually never happened before you turned up.\" She said and got up, leavingme feeling cold without her beside me. I sat up and watched her comb her hair. Ireached for my phone.1\"My battery's nearly dead.\"\"Your fault for insisting I try out Flappy Bird.\" I liked how Safia started to speak to menow. In only five days, she'd started to open up and it felt, the more she opened up,the more she blossomed.1\"Remind me never to ask you to play a game again.\"\"I did warn you. You can't blame me.\" I got out from bed. As soon as I stood up, I felta pain in my ankle. This was because of the walk in the park from yesterday. I walkedto Safia, trying my best not to limp. When I got to her, I noticed how radiant shelooked. I stood close to her and she became kind of stiff.\"Do I make you uncomfortable?\" I asked.\"No. What makes you think that?\"\"You don't like me being close to you.\"\"Nonsense! I just have to get used to this. It's all very new.\"
\"It's new for me too.\"\"Yes, well we're both reacting to these new feelings differently.\"\"Did you just admit you have feelings for me?\" She didn't reply. \"I'll take that as ayes.\" She looked away. \"You're so cute.\" She rolled her eyes and tied her hair up.\"What would you like for breakfast?\" She asked me.\"You.\"46\"Do you even think before you speak?\"\"Not really.\" She put her hands on her hips.\"What would you like for breakfast?\" She asked again.\"I don't know. Let's make breakfast together.\"\"Okay.\" She put on her abaya and hijab.\"I'll join you soon.\" I said making my way to the bathroom.I walked into the kitchen after getting ready to find Safia searching all the drawers.\"What do you need?\" I asked.\"I'm looking for porridge oats.\" She was still struggling to remember whereeverything was. I took it out of one of the drawers and began making it. \"I can do it.\"She told me.\"I know you can.\"\"Then let me make it.\"\"No, because I can do it too.\" I said, sticking the plate in the microwave.\"Fine, you make my breakfast and I'll make yours. For the third time, what wouldyou like to eat?\" I stroked my beard thoughtfully.\"I don't know.\" Safia and I went through all the possibilities of a breakfast before Imade my decision. \"I'm just going to pour myself some cereal.\"\"You can't! As my husband, you must eat more than me.\"5
\"Okay, I'll pour myself lots of cereal.\" I got out some cornflakes and poured it into abig bowl Safia handed me. \"You have weird logic.\" I told her. I poured my cereal andsaw Safia was staring at the microwave. I put my arm around her waist and pulledher away. \"I've heard you shouldn't stand close to a microwave when it's on.Something about radiation and how that's dangerous.\"6\"Oh.\"\"Wouldn't want anything happening to you.\" She looked up at me and smiled.\"Your cereal's getting soggy.\"\"I don't care.\" She was so close to me with my arm still around her, when themicrowave let out that ping sound. We paused for a moment, but I decided to ignoreit.\"My porridge and your cereal.\" She reminded me.\"What about it?\" She just shrugged. We heard footsteps from outside the door. Ihad to let go and I let out a sad sigh as I did so. My mum came into the kitchen.\"You're up early.\" I stated, surprised. I had expected it to be Maryam. Mum usuallygot up around 10:30.\"Well it's my son's Walima! We have so much to do! Safia darling, could you makeme an omelette please?\"8\"Sure.\" Safia replied reaching for an egg.\"It's okay, I'll do it.\" I said taking the egg from her. Then a little argument started onwho would make mum's omelette. Mum had walked out.\"Fine, you make the toast, I'll make the omelette. Okay?\" Safia said. I nodded.Once we were done with breakfast, Maryam came down. She took Safia upstairs andI took the opportunity to massage my ankle.\"Is it hurting again?\" My mum looked concerned.\"It's okay.\" Then my mum started a long rant on all the people she couldn't invite. Inodded along with everything mum said, as if I was agreeing I was a horrible person.I had already tried to explain the Prophet's practice of simplicity but mum didn'tseem to grasp the concept of it.
Safia was getting ready in Maryam's room and I wasn't going to be able to see heruntil she was completely ready. I had to just wait, like I did on the Nikah. I kept myselfbusy by reading a book. When we got closer to the time of the Walima, I went to thehall just to make sure everything was okay. Then I went to the masjid to pray andcame back home, counting the minutes until I got to see my Safia. Soon enough, itwas time for me to put on my suit. My mum wouldn't let me wear a thobe on myNikah or my Walima. I got ready and stood outside Maryam's room.7It felt like the first time I was waiting to see her, but without the doubts andnervousness. My heart was beating louder and faster and I felt eager to see my wife.A dressed up Maryam came out with a woman, who was probably there to get Safiaready.\"You can go in.\" Maryam said to me, taking the lady downstairs. I rushed in andclosed the door behind me. I turned around to see Safia smiling at me. I stopped andjust stared, forgetting to breathe. She strode towards me.\"You look handsome.\" She told me, snapping me out of my daze.\"You look breathtaking!\" I said, letting out the breath I had been holding. \"Literally.\"We stood and stared at each other. Then I pulled her into a hug. Instead of goingrigid like she usually did, she hugged me back. She stroked my hair and I closed myeyes enjoying the sensation.\"You have really soft hair.\" She said.\"Thank you.\"\"It's like cat fur.\" I laughed and let go so I could see her.\"You're comparing my hair to cat fur?\"\"Yeah, it's brown and soft. It's a compliment. Any time I compare you to a cat, it's acompliment.\" Safia explained.5\"Okay, thanks.\" I said unsurely. We spent some more time together until my eyesfell upon the clock on Maryam's wall.\"Oh no! Put your hijab on quickly, we're going to be late! I think the guests have allprobably arrived!\" I told her getting up.2
My family had lost track of time too. There were about five minutes of chaos beforeeveryone was on their way to the hall. Safia and I were the only ones left. We gotinto our car and we began to make our way to the hall too. When I drove around thefirst corner, Safia spoke.\"I didn't want to ask but I'm worried. You're limping a little today, is your anklehurting?\"\"It's not that bad.\"\"Is it my fault for taking you to the park yesterday?\"\"No, I enjoyed that walk.\"\"But it is because of me isn't it?\" I could see her pulling at her fingers nervously.\"No Safia, you need to stop worrying.\" Safia pouted slightly.\"I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong and will do wrong.\"\"Safia, don't be silly. You've done nothing wrong!\"\"Yes I have, first of all, I steal the covers a lot at night, then I accidentally hit you onour first day, then I stepped on your foot on Tuesday, Wednesday I burnt the food Iwas making and now I made your ankle hurt.\" She said, close to tears.7\"Safia,\" I started, searching for the right words. \"That's what makes you beautiful tome.\"6\"Are you quoting a song?\"1\"No.\"10\"There's a song I know that goes like that.\" I laughed. Safia did this often, she wouldbegin a serious conversation and then go off topic and talk about somethingcompletely unrelated. I thought about whether I loved her. Sometimes I think I did,other times I thought it was an infatuation. I had only known her properly for aboutfive days, I didn't know whether that was enough to fall in love.\"Safia.\"\"Yes?\"\"You need to stop stressing. You do that too much.\"
\"How tall are you?\" She suddenly asked. I had no idea how her mind worked.\"The reply to your random question is 5 foot 10.\"15\"Really? You look taller.\"\"Yeah it's because I'm kind of skinny.\"\"I don't think you're skinny. You're fine.\"\"Thanks.\" We finally got to the hall. \"Let me open the car door for you this time,okay?\" I got out and ran to the other side of the car, opening the door for Safia. Iheld out my hand and closed the door behind her. As we began to walk, Safiastopped me.\"You're limping again. Hold onto my arm if it helps.\"1\"I'm fine.\"\"No, hold onto me.\" I did as she said and I held her arm. It made no difference to myankle but it made Safia feel better. The girls from Safia's family rushed over to heras we got closer to the doors. They all hugged her and began to compliment her. Istood on the side, wondering whether I should just walk away.\"Yusuf.\" Came Safia's voice. It felt good to hear her say my name. She was usuallytoo shy to say it.17\"Yes?\" The girls stepped back letting Safia come to me.\"I'm going inside now.\" All the girls were staring so I couldn't really do anything butnod.\"I'll see you soon in'sha'allah.\"\"In'sha'allah.\" I walked away towards the men's side of the hall, looking back at Safiaonce more. I still didn't know whether it was love, but I knew she filled me with joy.---Author's note:
Hello/Salaam! My story recently got featured and now there's a lot more peoplereading it than I expected. This is like a dream come true! (A dream since I was about10) People are actually reading my writing and giving positive feedback! I don't knowhow many times I've said this, and I'll probably continue saying it for the rest of thestory, but thank you for reading and voting and commenting!!!55And Yusuf is NOT a directioner. That line is from a 90s song I used to hear when I waslittle (before my sins started getting recorded - And before I knew... Anything)
Chapter 21.Safia’s POVMy white wedding dress was probably the best thing I had ever worn. It was tightaround my waist and flowed out just below. A lace design covered my arms abeautiful princess like tiara sat just over my fancy bun. It was all so wonderful. Tomatch the dress, I had a wonderful Walima. It went by without a glitch and wasprobably one of the best days, after my Nikah of course. No day would be betterthan the day I met Yusuf. I even managed to eat without dropping any food on mydress. My mother in law said she'd never seen a bride eat so much but with myfamily around me, making me laugh I didn't feel so much like a bride. I just felt like avery nicely dressed person having lots of fun.21The dress also made me feel confident around Yusuf. I wasn’t my usual self-conscious self. I loved the way he reacted when he saw me. I don’t know if it wasreal or just an act but it really made me happy.11The only thing that had me anxious was Yusuf's ankle. He said it was okay but I didn'tbelieve him. I made a mental note to ask him to make a doctor's appointment whenhe had the chance to.8I came back to my parents’ house the day after my Walima, which was good but Imissed Yusuf a lot. The first night home, I jumped into my bed feeling so relieved. Itwasn’t long before I began craving the sound of Yusuf’s light snoring beside me.Somehow, I’d managed to fall asleep without him.15University had started again, must to my distress. The week stretched by so slow. Icouldn’t wait till Friday. From Friday evening to Monday morning every week, I wasto stay at Yusuf’s house. That was until the summer. When summer came, I wouldhave to move in permanently. I thought living at home would be easy but I missedYusuf so much. Talking to him on the phone wasn’t enough. I wasn’t so good attalking to him anyway. My communication was improving but he still jumbled mymind up a little.4The first Friday I was staying with Yusuf, he came to get me from university and waswaiting outside my building until my lecture was over. I had a few friends teasing mewhen they saw me running to him, buzzing with excitement. Right away he reachedfor my hands causing an immature cheer from my classmates. As I walked with him,I wasn’t even listening to what he was saying. All I could do was thank Allah that Iwas finally with Yusuf again.17
When we got home, Maryam came running to me with open arms as soon as Istepped indoors.\"I missed you!\" She said hugging me.\"I missed you more!\" I said hugging her back.\"Okay, let Safia get inside now.\" Yusuf said.Soon enough, Maryam and I were in the kitchen preparing dinner. Yusuf keptpopping in asking if we needed help but we kept kicking him out so we could resumeour girly conversations about skincare.1“I am so glad I have someone older to talk to now.” Maryam said with genuinegratitude.“Don’t you talk to your mum?” I asked. I was able to talk to my mum about anything.In fact, some of the advice I was giving came from my mum.“I don’t think she can see anything past Javed.” Maryam said sadly. Then she froze.“Pretend I never said that!”6“Is that how you truly feel?”“No. I just… I don’t know. I guess it feels like that sometimes. Wait, no! You’ve noteven been here for two weeks. I can’t have this conversation with you. Just ignorewhat I’m saying; I just get a little emotional sometimes.” Maryam walked away fromme to the opposite counter, her head down.1“Maryam, I’m your friend.” I said following her. “You can talk to me about anything.I won’t judge. I’ve been judged too much myself to be able to judge others.”“I’m not afraid of you judging. It’s just that... You haven’t been here for long. Youshouldn’t have to cope with my stupid feelings.”“Your feelings aren’t stupid. I was once your age; I know what feelings are like. Thingscan sometimes be confusing and sometimes you have some unexplainable ragebuilding inside of you.”3“Yeah,” She said turning towards me. “And sometimes the weirdest things cantrigger that anger. Maybe I’m just looking for something to blame so that’s why I’mangry at mum.”
“That’s possible. Now cheer up.”“You really understand me.” She said and then gave me another hug. Her and herbrother sure liked hugs.11“Back to the food. All we have left now is the presentation.” I said chopping up thelast bit of salad. We plated the food and made everyone admire it before they coulddig in.Once we were done, I asked Yusuf if I could borrow his laptop to do some work. Iwas itching to get the work over and done with so I could enjoy my weekend. Hesaid I could go into our room to avoid any distractions. I sat down on my bed andstretched my fingers ready to fill the blank page with information about Islamic rule.I began to write when I remembered the new episode of The Vampire Diaries wasout. I told myself I’d only watch the trailer and then get back to my work. I watchedthe trailer and it looked so good. Then I told myself I’d watch only five minutes ofthe episode. Of course, soon enough I was twenty minutes into the episode,unaware of my surroundings until Yusuf came into the room. I immediately took thepage away going back to the page with my essay. Yusuf came and sat next to me.19“In nearly half an hour, you’ve only written three lines?”“Erm…”“Are you stuck?”“Erm…”“Do you need help?”“Yes please.” I must have looked very stupid to him. He took the laptop off my lapand studied the screen carefully. Soon enough, he was typing away whilst I just satstaring at the floor.“I know you weren’t doing your work. Whatever you were doing, you don’t need tohide it from me.”“I was watching Vampire Diaries.” I said honestly, feeling a little ashamed.“You watch that? I didn’t think you were a Twilight kind of person.”25“Twilight and Vampire Diaries are completely different!” I said defensively.28
“You can watch it if you want, but I think it’s kind of a waste of time. I mean, I watchTV too so I can’t say don’t watch it. But we’ve got to admit, it is a waste of time.”1“That’s true.” I’d been pondering over this thought for a while now. Ever since I readthe Prophet said ‘Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: youryouth, before you become old; and your health, before you fall sick; and yourrichness, before you become poor; and your free time before you become busy; andyour life, before your death.’37“Here, read over this.” Yusuf said handing me back his laptop. I read over what hewrote.“Wow! You’re a lot smarter than I thought you were.” His writing was reallyimpressive.“Not really. I mostly got Cs with a few Bs in school. I’m not as clever as you.” He saidpoking my cheek.“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Intellect is not based on grades.Wouldn’t you classify the Prophet as an intellectual man? Twenty percent of theworld follow him today and he couldn’t even read.” Yusuf was giving me some sortof intense look after I said this.40“You’re amazing Safia.” I was priding myself on being able to think properly for thefirst time around Yusuf but just one compliment affected my train of thought.1“So I was talking to Maryam today.” I said changing the subject. I felt I was going tomelt into a puddle under his gaze.“What about?” I was worried about Maryam so I had to speak to Yusuf about it.“I think she feels your mum is favouring Javed.” Yusuf’s face changed into one thatwas expressionless. There was a long silence and I felt the atmosphere in the roomdarken before Yusuf spoke.1“I don’t know why I’ve not told you yet. I guess it’s kind of hard for me to talk about.”Yusuf hunched over slightly. “I told you my mum’s not that religious. There’s areason for that. About three years after I was born, my mum had another son. Afterabout a year or so, he became sick.” My heart started beating faster. I knew wherethis story was leading to.
“I didn’t really understand what was going on at the time. My dad kept me in thedark. He would tell me my brother went to the park when he was really in hospital.Javed was older so he kind of understood. Unfortunately my little brother passedaway and that shook my mum’s faith a little. She didn’t know why Allah would dothis to her. My mum was already close to Javed because he was her first child but Ithink after that incident, they kind of bonded more. Javed was close to my littlebrother too. He was about six years old and he would go to the hospital with mymum. I think after the death, it was Javed who helped my mum recover. I rememberhim wiping mum’s tears and sitting in her lap holding her.3“It’s undeniable that she has a strong bond with Javed. It’s quite beautiful actually.But it’s natural for Maryam to get jealous. She’s not the only one. Sometimes I getjealous too. But I don’t get frustrated at mum the way Maryam does. That’s becausesometimes it feels like I remember my brother’s death more than I remember him.I was really young at the time. There’s some images embedded in my mind from mymum’s teary face and swollen eyes. When I think about that, knowing Javed got herthrough it is enough for me. At least now my mum’s happy.”8I was completely lost for words. I could see some pain on Yusuf’s face and tearsthreatened to spill from my eyes. I swallowed them back and I put my arms aroundYusuf, leaning my head against his back.3“I’m so sorry for everything that happened. I’m glad your mum’s better now.” That’sall I could say. I felt completely helpless. Yusuf put his hands on my arms and we juststayed like that for a while.“Hey, you want to go get some ice cream?” Yusuf asked moving back. I let go of him.“Ice cream at this time?”“Why not?” I rubbed my stomach a little indicating that I would get fat. “Oh comeon! I didn’t expect you to be like that!”“You really have too many expectations of me. It’s unnerving.” I told Yusuf, frowning.“Come on Safi!” Now, I hated being called Safi. But when it came from Yusuf's mouthit just sounded so cute. I knew Aisha would call me a hypocrite if she knew I let Yusufcall me Safi.4“Okay.” I said giving in. “But we have to take Maryam with us.” Yusuf made a face.1“You take her everywhere we go.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”“I want it to be just us two. I’ll buy her an ice cream on the way back.”“Are you asking me out on a date?”“No, I’m not asking. I’m taking you out on a date.” Yusuf put his coat on and heldmine out for me waiting for me to put my arms into the sleeves.33“I can put it on myself. I am an independent woman.” I said, taking it out of his hands.“I am an independent woman.” He said mocking me. Then he laughed and took myhand pulling me out of the door and down the stairs.25“Mum, we’re going out!” Yusuf shouted walking out the front door, still holding myhand.We got to the ice cream shop and sat down waiting for our orders to arrive. We weretalking about nonsense the whole time. I felt so happy that a fear started creepingthrough me.“Yusuf, I’m scared.” I told him. He raised an eyebrow at me.“Of?”“Of how happy I am.” Yusuf just stared at me for a while until his lips formed into alittle smirk. I could tell he was about to tease me again. “Listen!” I said before hecould beging speaking. “How can I be so happy in this temporary life? I’m scared I’mgetting rewarded for all my good deeds in this life instead of the next.” The smirkdisappeared when Yusuf understood what I was saying.21“So you want to be less happy?”“No. I don’t know. I think I’m just too happy and I don’t know how to react.” Yusuflaughed.“You seriously are a rather strange being.” I laughed too at his playful insult. “Savourthis happiness Safia. It won’t last.” I nodded feeling scared again but for differentreasons. I didn’t want things to become unhappy. Yusuf was right, I was a strangebeing. “By the way, we haven’t even discussed where we’re going for ourhoneymoon.” I had completely forgotten about that.10
“I’ll go anywhere. I just want to go somewhere.” I was going to say ‘with you’ but Ifelt too shy.“Pick a country.” Yusuf said to me.“Let’s just spin the globe and put a finger on a random place and go there!”7“Do you have a globe?” Yusuf asked.“Do people even have globes these days?”13“I’ve got a better idea. Let’s write down all the nice places we would like to visit, putthem in a bowl and pick one out.”2“Sounds good to me.” I said, excited to see which country we would pick out. I beganto make a list in my head of all the countries I wanted to visit. There was Egypt,Thailand, Turkey, Spain, Morocco, France, Italy… I wanted to go everywhere!93“I was thinking we should go somewhere for the summer too, when all your examsare out of the way and you can enjoy a holiday without any worries.”“That would be awesome!” I said a little louder than I intended to. A woman on thenext table gave me a dirty look. “Okay, let’s go.” I said much quieter to Yusuf. “Anddon’t forget Maryam’s ice cream.”2When we were on my way home, it occurred to me how close I’d become to Yusuf.I hadn’t even spent two full weeks with him yet I couldn’t imagine life without him.17---Author's note: For those who are wondering, I am Muslim. :)
Chapter 22.Yusuf’s POV4When I wasn’t working or training, I was most likely talking to Safia through text. Shewasn’t very good at holding phone conversations. I could feel myself changing as Ispent more and more time with her. Although we didn’t talk about Islam in depth,her character was making me feel closer to Allah. It wasn’t just her character either;my feelings for her were also bringing me closer to my Lord. The stronger I felt forher, the more love and gratefulness I felt towards Allah.2Fridays was already my favourite day of the week. It was Jummah (Islamic holy dayof the week) and the weekend started. To add to that, Fridays became the day Iwould see Safia. As soon as work finished, I had to restrain myself from runninghome. Safia knew the route from her university to our house now so I no longer hadto leave work early to collect her. As much as I loved doing so, it was affecting myincome. I was barely making any money to begin with and now I had Safia to takecare of too. Not that Safia needed taking care of, but it was my responsibility to makesure she was happy and had everything she needed.12I texted Safia as I turned the street corner and came onto my road. I hadn’t reachedmy house yet when I saw the door open and Safia come out.“Asalamu’alaykum.” She said with a shy smile on her face.“Wa’alaykumsalaam.” I replied. She walked back inside as I got closer.“Freshen up and be quick.” I think these days she wasn’t even shy anymore, she justliked to mess with my mind. I think she knew that I’d been waiting impatiently forthe last five days to at least hold her. She was making me wait longer. I went andchanged my clothes and redid my wudhu as fast as I could before making my wayback to my wife. She was doing Maryam’s hair as she explained to Maryam abouther interest in wearing the niqab (face veil).31“You want to wear a niqab?” She never mentioned this to me.
“I’ve been wanting to wear one for a while now. But it’s hard in this kind of society.You know, with the media bashing Islam and spreading lies every other day. It’sbecome so normal that it’s scary. I mean, nearly every day there’s an Islamophobicarticle in the newspaper. We can’t even do anything about it because they’re so slyand they justify it. They’ll have headlines like ‘Young Muslim Goes Syria For Jihad’and then it shows how Muslims are violent.” There was a silence as we ponderedupon this. Some people hated and spoke against Muslims with no consideration tohow Muslims felt.91“But not everyone’s like that. In fact, most people are tolerant.” I told her.“Yeah, you’re right. I will wear one in a few years when we move and have settleddown in’sha’allah.”“Why not now?” Maryam asked.“Well, I don’t mind wearing an abaya and hijab at home but a niqab will be too much.If I’m going to cover, I should cover in front of all people that aren’t my mahrams.” Iknew she was referring to covering in front of Javed. It made me feel so guilty. But Ihad been saving up for a while so I was hoping we would be able to move out aftermy training finished. That meant only one more year until I could buy us a place tolive.“Why do you want to cover your face anyway?” Maryam seemed intrigued by whatSafia was saying.“One, because we’re advised to do so in Islam. Two, I don’t like people staring. Notthat many people stare anyway but when the odd few blind ones do, it makes mereally uncomfortable. There’s only one person who I don’t mind staring at me andhe’s doing so right now.” I chuckled knowing she was talking about me. “He doesthat a lot.” She added.64“He’s not the only one who stares.” Maryam wiggled an eyebrow at Safia.1“What do you mean?” Safia questioned. Maryam just continued to wiggle hereyebrows and I watched in amusement. “I do not stare at him!” Safia said putting ahand on her hip.3“I didn’t say that. But you just admitted that you stare at Yusuf too.” Safia’s nosebecame pink as she looked down.“Why thank you Safia. I’m glad you like what you see.” I said.2
“Because I was stuck between some very good choices. But I like Turkey. Let’s goIstanbul!”19“Okay, three weeks in Turkey.” Safia’s smiled faded a little.“Three weeks? I was thinking about five days.”“Five days? Why?” I wanted my wife all to myself for a lot longer.“I have exams after the break.” That was true. There was the issue with work as well.I’d already taken a week off. But I wanted to spend time with Safia.“Two weeks honeymoon and two weeks revising.” That sounded like a really goodplan to me. But Safia disagreed.“Ten days. Including going there and coming back.” I stroked my beard thoughtfully.“Okay, as you wish.” I said giving in. “But you have to spend most of your break herewith me.” If only she knew how much I missed her when she wasn’t here.“I’ll think about it.” She said getting up. I grabbed her hand.“Where are you going?”“To get your food.”“Don’t worry, I can do that.” I said pressing my lips against the back of her hand. Igot up and put my hand against her cheek. “Have you got a temperature again?” Iasked and Safia let out a frustrated sigh. A lot of the time, when I came close to Safia,her cheeks would flame up and her skin would become warm. It gave me a thrillknowing I was the cause for that. The first time I’d inquired about why she felt sohot; she had lied saying she had a temperature. I knew she was lying and twominutes later she told me it was because I was too close to her. I loved how Safiaseemed incapable of telling a fib.She walked into the kitchen and I followed her.“Where’s mum?” I asked.“She’s in her room. She spends a lot of her time there. I go to check if she’s okayoften and she says she is. I’m worried though.”“Don’t be. She likes spending time in her room.” Safia still looked worried. Sheopened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. “What’s wrong?”
“I wanted to ask you to make a doctor’s appointment for your ankle.” I didn’t liketalking about my ankle. I felt like it was restricting me from doing so much. I couldn’tgo on long walks or play football or even run. But I had hope that it would get better.The doctor said it would.“It’s only a long term effect of an old, unknown injury. It will heal.”“Are you sure it’s not getting worse?” I don’t know how Safia knew. Sometimes myankle would start to hurt even if I didn’t walk long distances. It had me slightlyworried but I was happier being in denial.“Fine. I’ll make an appointment. But it will probably be a waste of time.” At least Ihoped it would be. If something was really wrong with my ankle, then what wouldSafia think of me? I didn’t want to disappoint her in any way.2“Good. In’sha’allah everything will be okay.” She said and gave me a peck on mycheek. I stared at her in shock. Then a huge grin took over my face.2“Well somebody’s coming out of their shell.” Safia turned away.2“Would you like me to go back in?” She asked. I put my arm around her waist.“No no, I want you to come out completely.”4“Then you must be prepared to meet a psycho.” I could never imagine Safia as apsycho. But that would be really cool.25“Good, I can’t wait.” She took her plate of food and removed my hands from herwaist. She walked away leaving me alone. She was driving me crazy with her distancebut I still couldn’t bring myself to be angry at her. Instead I followed her around likea lost puppy.15As we sat and ate, the conversation led to children. I liked children and I wanted tobe a father but it all sounded so scary. I couldn’t even hold a child younger than ayear old. But I didn’t tell Safia that. Instead I tried to match her enthusiasm.“You’re going to be a great mother one day, in’sha’allah.” I said after hearing severalstories about her nephews and niece.“And you’re going to be a great father one day in’sha’allah, just like your dad.” Myface fell when she said this. Safia still had so much to learn about my family. At firstI wasn’t going to tell her but then she asked, “What’s wrong?” She was my wife; shewas part of this family. She deserved to know how I felt.
“I don’t want to be like my dad.” I could tell by the way Safia clenched her jaws andmoved back, she didn’t want to hear anything else I had to say about my dad. “I lovehim and he’s a good father but… There are just some things that are… I don’t knowhow to explain it.” Safia didn’t say anything so I just carried on. “Have you notrealized that we don’t speak to my cousins from my father’s side of the family?”Safia shook her head. “Okay, well we don’t speak to my family from my father’s sidemuch. There was a bit of a problem between him and his siblings. Instead of tryingto fix the problem, he just… he kind of ran away. He does that. When he must facea problem, he just turns blind eye.”6There was so much more I wanted to tell her but she looked very uncomfortable.She wasn’t ready for me to pour my heart out to her. I changed the topic and sawSafia relax.Soon Maryam and mum came down. Mum began watching TV as Safia, Maryam andI played Snakes and Ladders. Dad came home from work and I saw a change in Safiaas she spoke to him. There was a strain in her voice. I began to regret telling herwhat I did. This marriage was still too new for her to get caught up in all the issues,even if they were only minor ones. Then Javed came and Safia got up to get readyfor bed. That was our Friday night routine. Javed would come and we’d go to bed.2I was laying down with Safia sitting next to me, lost in her thoughts.“What are you thinking about?” I asked, rolling closer to her.“Don’t tell me anything bad about your family. I like to have eyes that see the bestin people but that’s a lot harder than you think. When someone tells me somethingbad about someone else, it changes my perception of that person. I don’t likethat.”30“That’s really nice but doesn’t that mean you’re lying to yourself? You can’t blockout the truth. You need to see flaws in people and accept them, not deny them.”4“It’s just so hard.” Our conversation ended there but I was anxious at Safia’s way ofseeing the world. It was beautiful, yet dangerous.1---Authour's note:
Its been nearly 2 months since I released the first chapter! Exactly 60 days! Twoweeks ago, I said to my brother that if I reaach a 100,000 reads by 'the end of theyear' he has to get me a kindle. Only two weeks and I reached that goal! If I do getthat kindle, I have all of you guys to thank!4I have a little issue to address... Amongst all the amazing beautiful comments, thereare a very few not so nice ones. I just wanted to say a couple of things. First of all, ifyou can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. (Yes, I just quoted Thumperfrom Bambi) Also, I take out a lot of time to work on this story. If there's somethingyou don't like, please don't criticize it in a rude manner. I'm quite sensitive. However,I do accept constructive criticism in the form of personal messaging. 22Thank you all again for reading and I just love your comments! I do try to read themall and make prayers for you even if I don't reply. :)One last thing... I live in England that's why I write 'mum'' instead of 'mom' and'favourite' instead of 'favorite' and... Well there's lots of words but you get the point.
Chapter 23.Safia’s POV4It was strange how it happened. It was the Sunday, four weeks after our wedding.Yusuf came to my mum’s house with me because I was desperate to see Zidan. Hehad turned a year old. Aisha usually came around on the weekends so I barely gotto see my lovely little nephews and niece.It was that moment when I saw how easily Yusuf fit into my family. He sat with mecomfortably, like he belonged there. He smiled and laughed with everyone. Hamzacame and greeted him.“Asalamu’alaykum. What brings you here?” He asked.“Wa’alaykumsalaam. I’m here to return Safia. I’ve had enough of her.” Yusuf saidgrinning at me sheepishly. It was precisely then that I felt it; after I let out that giggle,and his elbow grazed my arm as he shuffled in his seat getting comfortable. I lovedhim. It had happened. I loved how he was so easy around me, how he made me feelspecial, how he looked at me. It cleared any doubts in my mind and I knew I hadfallen in love with him. An overwhelming emotion took over. I wanted to fall on theground and cry of joy thanking Allah for what I was blessed with. I loved my husband!I had a sudden urge to yell it out. I needed to tell someone.47“I’m sorry, we don’t take refunds.” Hamza replied to him. Trust Hamza to ruin themoment. Before I could get annoyed at Hamza, Yusuf chuckled and turned to mewith sparkly eyes. That brought out the urge to yell again, stronger than before. Ineeded to calm down. I literally bit my lip to stop myself from screaming orsquealing.14“Are you okay?” Yusuf asked leaning forward and taking a closer look at me. I feltlike I was seeing him for the first time. My family had said he was average looking. Itoo had once thought he wasn’t outstandingly handsome. What was I thinking? Thisman was gorgeous!52“I’m fine.” I said. Then I turned to Hamza. “Where’s Hafsa?” With every second thatwent by, my need to tell someone was growing.“She’s at home. She said she’s going to come later on.”“I need her now.” I moaned.
“Seriously Safia, are you okay?” Yusuf asked again. His whole body shifted towardsme. I wanted to tell him. One month was all it took for him to steal my heart. A desireto wrap my arms around him took over, but my dad was in the room along withHamza and Zayna. Instead I made an excuse to leave.15“Yeah, I’m just going to my room for something.” I said running out. Not knowingwhat to do, and too impatient for Hafsa to arrive, I ran to my room and phoned Amy.“Aslamu’alaykum.” She said after the second ring.“Wa’alaykumsalaam. I love Yusuf!” Well I didn’t waste any time to let it out. I wassort of dancing as I told her. This must be what people called a happy dance.17“Erm, that’s great… I’m good by the way, how are you?”1“No no no! That’s not the reaction I want. I want you to get out of your seat andjump with me. I just found out I love my husband.”1“I thought you loved him ages ago.”8“Ages ago? We’ve only been married a month. Not even a full month.” Our onemonth anniversary was going to be on Wednesday.“Oh. Well in that case, yaaay! You love your husband!”“Yeah!” I heard the doorbell ring. “Ooh, Hafsa’s here! Sorry but I must go. I need totell her.”“Okay, take care!”“Asalamu’alaykum.”“Wa’alaykum-“ I hung up before I heard her finish and went running down the stairs.It wasn’t Hafsa at the door; it was Aisha and the little ones. Sara and Musa ran intome, crashing me in a hug. I picked up little Zidan and smothered him in kisses. Hewas getting bigger and bigger every time I saw him. Seeing the children grow upreminded me of how fast time was going by.2“Is uncle Yusuf here?” Sara asked. I took her hand and led her into the living room.Upon seeing Yusuf, Sara ran to him at full speed jumping into his lap and hugginghim. I stared at her in shock. Sara hated new people. She would look at a new personfrom outside the family and begin to cry.
“Hey Sara. How are you?” Yusuf asked her.“Good. I went to the park yesterday. Daddy took me and Musa but then daddy didn’tlet us have ice cream because he said it was too cold.”“Erm, I guess your daddy’s right.” Yusuf looked a little awkward so I sat next to himand asked Sara to come to me.“No.” She said and snuggled up to Yusuf more. Then I decided to test exactly howmuch Sara liked Yusuf and annoy her in the process. Angry kids looked so cute. Thatwas before they started crying and being annoying.“This is my Yusuf.” I said putting my arms on Yusuf. I could see Yusuf smiling at myhand on his arm.21“No, it’s mine!” She was weirdly possessive of things she liked.14“I’m an ‘it’?” Yusuf asked. Sara looked up confused.13“At least be flattered.” I said pinching his arm.“Ow. Sara, your aunty Safia pinched me.” Yusuf said, exaggerating the pain. Saraleaned forward and pinched the hand I had on Yusuf.4“Sara! That’s really naughty.” I scolded her. “You don’t pinch others.”“But,” Sara said her lips trembling. “You pinched Yusuf.” She looked up at Yusuf forapproval.2“Just because aunty Safia was being naughty doesn’t mean you have to be naughty,okay? Don’t pinch anyone again.” He said softly. He stroked her head to stop herfrom crying and I was sure my heart was a little puddle in my chest because of howit was melting. I just continued to watch them until Yusuf turned to me and said,“Aisha’s calling you.” I turned my head to see Aisha holding back a smile.1“Yes?”“If you’re done with gawking at Yusuf, follow me.” I looked around myself at myfamily’s amused faces. I put my head down as I felt my body heat withembarrassment and walked out after Aisha.4“Thanks a lot for that.” I said with bitter sarcasm.“You’re welcome.” Hafsa was talking to Amaan in the kitchen when she spotted me.
“Safia!” She shouted.“Hafsa!” I shouted back. That was how we usually greeted each other.“So, Amaan was saying that Hamza was saying that you needed me.” She said afterwe exchanged salaams. I remembered what it was that I needed to tell her,“Let’s go to my room!”We sat down and began unwrapping chocolate Hafsa grabbed on the way upstairs.3“Hafsa, something happened today. It was so weird and so random. Just today, notso long ago, I understood what it feels like to feel really strongly for someone.” Nowthat I was calm, it felt weird to say ‘I love Yusuf.’ The word sounded foreign to mytongue. I’ve never said I loved anyone except Musa, Sara and Zidan.“You’re going to have to be clearer than that.” I was going to have to say it.“I fell in love with Yusuf.” I almost cried out the words as I dropped my head inHafsa’s lap.4“I would be over the moon right now if you didn’t sound so sad.”“I’m not sad. I’m ecstatic, really. You just missed the moment I was jumping anddancing. I love the man I married. I know that because all my bad unpleasantthoughts have gone. You know? Like how I worried he might become mean after awhile or that he might have some dark secret flaws that were really sinful and that Iwould suffer.”3“Yes yes, I remember all those ridiculous theories that your overactive imaginationcame up with.”“But he’s not like that at all. He really is sweet and loving and caring. And he’ssincere. I know he is because he does this thing, like after something good or badhappens; he looks upwards and whispers something under his breath. I think heprays to Allah. And that’s what makes me trust this love I have for him. I’m sure Ilove him because he loves Allah.”29“Aww. Little Safia’s in love.” Hafsa said.“Hey, I’m older than you. Another thing I like about Yusuf is how he’s so affectionate.I like how he holds me and makes me feel like I’m something so amazing when I’mnot.”
“I’m sure you’re something amazing to him.” Although I was completely doubtlessthat I loved him, I still had doubts about how he felt for me.5“I don’t know. By the way he acts, I guess so. I hope so. Hafsa I want him to love me.How do I do that?”“I think you’re asking the wrong person.”“Then who am I supposed to ask?”“Aisha? Layla? My mum? Your mum?”“Hold on, are you saying he doesn’t love me?” I asked panicking. Wasn’t Hafsasupposed to say ‘He does love you.’?2“What? Safia! One day I am going to seriously cause your paranoid brain somepermanent physical damage! Why do you take everything so out of context anddepress yourself?” This was the Hafsa I feared a little.“Sorry.” I stretched myself out on my bed lazily. “Hafsa, he’s just so… ahh. He washolding Sara today and all these feelings started going around inside me.”1“Here we go.” Hafsa said rolling her eyes. She knew that I was going to start talkingabout Yusuf and probably carry on talking about him until somebody called me away.Amy and Hafsa were the two people who wouldn’t get bored of me talking. Theyalways patiently listened and I did the same in return. That was why in any situation,I could always rely on Hafsa and Amy to talk to. In most situations I talked to Hafsamore because Amy was too far away.Whilst I ranted on about how amazing Yusuf was, the man himself sent me a textasking for me to come down. I apologized and left Hafsa to go to Yusuf. He motionedfor me to sit next to him so I did.“Your whole family’s here, why are you upstairs?” He asked.“Just talking to Hafsa.” I replied. Then he slipped his hands into mine. If we were athis parents’ house, I would have pulled my hand away. I had this feeling that hismum disapproved of couples being close. She barely spoke to her husband. I didn’tunderstand it but I respected what she believed. Although, the disappointed looksshe gave me when Yusuf leaned close were a little frightening. Even when Yusuf andI were alone, I was always paranoid she’d suddenly appear in the room when Yusufhad his arms around me or something.
I gripped his hand tighter. He looked a little surprised, probably because he was soused to seeing me squirm away. It made me feel a bit guilty. Yusuf’s face lit up, justwith that simple gesture. Did that mean he loved me? I wanted him to love me.How?10--Author’s note:3People have been asking, what are the character’s backgrounds? I didn’t give thema cultural background because I want to focus more on Islam and what Islamteaches. Also, I’m trying to distance the story from any culture. Saying that, I want toadd, culture is a part of life so the story does sound like its from an Arab/Asianbackground - Well that's what most people have told me. But I don’t want to givethem a random nationality because I wouldn’t be representing that nationalitycorrect. You can use your imagination and imagine them however you want. Youdon’t even have to imagine Yusuf as having a brown beard. It’s totally up to you.31Some people have asked for me to make a list of what certain Islamic/Arabic phrasemean. Here they are:Asalamu’alaykum – Peace be upon you. (Said as a greeting)Wa’alaykumsalaam – Peace be upon you too. (Response to the greeting)In’sha’allah - God wills. (Said like ‘hopefully’)3Masha’allah - God has willed it. (Said as a compliment)Alhamdulillah - Praise be to Allah.1Subhan'allah - Glory be to Allah.Astaghfirullah - I seek forgiveness from Allah.Mahram - Your husband or a man in your family (one that you cannot marry e.g.Father, uncle, brother, father in law, nephew etc)17Nikah - Wedding ceremony.Walima - A ceremony after the Nikah.6Sunnah - A practise of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)2
Fajr, Zuhr, Asr, Maghrib and Isha - The five daily prayers.Haraam - Forbidden.Halaal - Permissible.Wudhu - AblutionDo let me know if I’ve missed any.
Chapter 24.Yusuf’s POV8Javed and I hadn’t spoken properly since I got married. It didn’t trouble me muchuntil I left for my honeymoon with Safia. I had gone to his room for a farewell andhe looked completely uninterested. He didn’t even reply to me and kind of shut thedoor on my face. That opened my eyes up to how the rest of my family was reactingto me leaving.1When I had gone to Safia’s house, everyone hugged her and said a goodbyepersonally. They even came to me and said their goodbyes. And here was my family,not at all bothered that I was going away for nearly two weeks. All except Maryam.Even she seemed to be more upset over Safia leaving rather than me. I felt a tingeof jealousy towards Safia. Everyone loved her, including me. Yet I felt my own familyseemed bothered by my presence.5“Okay, you’re clearly not listening so I’ll just be quiet.” Safia said as we sat on theplane on our way to Istanbul.3“Sorry, what is it that you were saying?”“Never mind, the moment’s gone.” I apologized, as I went through all the films inthe little TV in front of me. “I don’t mean to put a dampener on things, but you seemunhappy. What’s wrong?” Safia asked. I couldn’t tell her what was wrong. It was silly.Besides, Safia didn’t like negativity from other people. She liked to be happy andoptimistic.7“Nothing.” I replied glumly. I leaned over Safia to get a view of the earth beneath us,hoping she would drop the topic.“Just tell me!” She said narrowing her eyes at me.“My wife is more concerned about her studies than me.” I said pointing to the bookin her hands.“Excuse me, this is for entertainment as well as education.” I took the book out ofher hands and shut it, making sure to fold the page she was on first.8“This is our time. You can study when we get back. I’ll help you best I can, just forgetit for a little while.”“Okay.” She said pouting.
“Cheer up.” I said poking her cheeks, something which I had started to do often.2“You’re the one who’s sad. You cheer up.” She said pulling my beard.“Ow! If you want to pull my beard, pull it all together. When you pull only a fewstrands, it hurts more.”10“Thank you for teaching me how to pull beards.” She said pulling at a few strands. Igrabbed her hand and pretended to bite it when the air hostess slowed down as shewalked past us. She looked at us as if asking if everything was okay. Safia grinnedback at her and the air hostess continued walking.37“I was the one being abused so why did she look worried for you? Besides, who bitestheir wives?”“You do.” She said yanking away her hand. Then Safia became thoughtful.“What are you thinking?”“Remember the friend I told you about? The revert who moved to Germany?” Inodded. Safia seemed to have a very close bond with that friend. “Her fiancé bit hertwo days before everything ended.”4“A serious bite?” I asked horrified.“Yeah, they were having a fight.”“So he bit her? How? Why?”53“Well, they were having a verbal argument, then it got physical and she slapped him.Then somehow he bit her on her arm. But she was still prepared to stay with him.But then everything got really bad and ended, thankfully.”7“But why would he bite her? That’s so weird! And haraam.”56“I know. I’m glad that’s over. She regrets it all now. But I think all that she wentthrough made her a stronger Muslim. Even before she met that dude, she wasn’tvery practicing. But now she’s amazing. I look up to her so much. She’s so inspiring.”“Still can’t believe a man would bite a woman. Who does he think he is? A vampire?”It was absolutely disgusting that a man would do something like that.29“Let’s talk about something else please.” Not knowing what to say, I started to pokeher cheeks again. “Will you stop doing that!”
“But you’re so cute.” Safia blushed. I began to talk about Istanbul and thatbrightened Safia's mood and had her feeling enthusiastic again.I didn’t usually like plane journeys, I found them boring. But it was so much fun withSafia. We didn’t even watch the little TV in front of us. We were enough for oneanother.14When we finally got to our hotel, I collapsed on the bed feeling worn out.“When can we go to the Aya Sofya?” That was one of the top things on Safia’s ‘todo’ list.13“Surely you're not thinking about going today?”“But it’s only noon and we have the whole day in front of us!” She complained. “Let’sdo something! When can we go to the Suleymaniye Mosque?” That was the othertop thing on her ‘to do’ list.12“We can go tomorrow. Let's settle down first.”“I want to go now. Did you know that the Suleymania Mosque was built by the orderof the Ottoman ruler Sultan Suleyman? I’m watching the Turkish series they madeabout him.” She began to talk about the series and all the knowledge she had aboutthe mosque. I listened trying to look as interested as I could. I knew most of thesethings anyway but Safia liked to teach people so I pretended I was learningsomething new. “Wow, my honeymoon is going to be educational.” She said onceshe was finished.42“Still thinking about university? At least you’re not worried about your examsanymore. See, everything works out for the best. Now let me relax for a little while.”But Safia wouldn’t let me.“Please get up! Let’s go somewhere. Let’s go out to eat!”4“Aren’t you tired?”“I was but then all of that tiredness went away in the taxi. Istanbul looks so amazing!I’m too excited to be tired. Come on! Let’s go somewhere!” Feeling defeated, I gotup and went to refresh myself in the bathroom. Safia went in after I came out.“Wow! It’s so beautiful!” She said as she looked around the bathroom.4“Then why don’t you spend the day in there while I just sleep?”20
“Stop being such a grump!” When Safia came out, we prayed before we headed offto explore the place.We stopped by a small café to have lunch. Safia still wasn’t comfortable eatingaround me. I knew that because her family teased her for it. Hamza told me that heand Safia once competed against each other to see who could eat the most slices ofpizza. Safia won. But when she was with me, she didn’t eat much. I awaited the daySafia could be completely comfortable around me.2As Safia sipped her tea, she dropped a little on her cardigan. She mutteredsomething under her breath as she began to wipe herself with a napkin. She wasavoiding eye contact with me.“Do you need any help?” She put her elbows on the table and dropped her head inher hands.“I need a miracle. I’m always so clumsy and stupid. I don’t know how you put up withme.”10“Not this again!” I had to try explain to Safia before that everything that she wasembarrassed about didn’t affect me one bit. I decided to tell her again. Maybe thewonderful atmosphere of Istanbul could help me get my message across to her.“Finish your tea and let’s go for a walk.”We found a nearby lake and walked next to it, holding hands. I was already relishingin the fact that Safia and I were together alone. It felt good to be away from homefor a while.4“I have to tell you something Safia and I need you to believe me, okay?” I began,preparing myself to say all that was in my mind without offending her. She was verysensitive and easily took things out of context.“Okay.” She said suspiciously.“I know everyone says you get stressed a lot and everyone teases you for it. Butinstead of teasing you, I want to help you. This isn’t good. When you’re happy,everything feels so great but then as soon as something so small happens, youbecome awkward and silent. There’s no need for that. Your mood affects me somuch. Be carefree, act however you want with me. I won't judge you or think badlyof you. I like you a lot, no matter what you do.” Safia looked flattered but I could tellshe was still unconvinced by my speech. I took a deep breath and continued.7
“Let’s just say, as an example, I…” I tried to think of an embarrassing situation. “Let’sjust say I slip on a banana peel and end up in that lake. Would you like me less?” Iwasn’t sure of what answer she would give me. I was hoping she would say nootherwise my whole argument would be ruined.3“No, I’d probably panic and realize I liked you more because I was panicking.\"“Really? I want to fall in that lake now.” I said and she lightly pushed me, giggling.“But do you understand what I’m saying? You don’t need to be worried aboutanything when you’re with me.”7“I understand.” She said nodding.We walked and talked, pausing a couple of times at local mosques for prayer. As theday dragged on, I saw Safia feeling more relaxed and content. We watched the sunset and went to a nearby restaurant to eat dinner. By the time we got back to thehotel, we were both exhausted.5I thought sleep would overtake me immediately. Instead, I couldn’t help but thinkabout how incredible the day spent alone with Safia was. I turned my body to lookingat her sleeping face. She had some drool coming out the side of her mouth and Ismiled as I got some tissue to wipe it. Safia was far from perfect, but she was mineand she was special. I fell asleep gazing at her, feeling completely at peace.58The alarm went off for Fajr and I woke up stretching my limbs. Safia was still fastasleep. It became a routine that I would wake up and get ready first. Then I wouldwake Safia up before leaving to go to the mosque. I slowly took the covers off myselfand stood up. Immediately I fell back down. My ankle hurt again. Frustrated, I stoodup with more force. I gasped feeling the shooting pain and fell back on the bedcausing a light thump. Safia got up.“What happened?” She croaked. She cleared her throat. “Did you fall?”“Nothing happened.” I said. For the first time, I was truly fearful for my health. Thepain had never been this much. I took a deep breath and stood again. Wincing, I putmy hand against the wall for support, taking all my weight off my ankle. I tried towalk towards the bathroom and lost my balance, falling on the bed once more.11“Yusuf!” Safia grabbed my arm. My heart rate increased with anxiety.“I can’t even stand, let alone walk.” I said looking up at an alarmed Safia. What waswrong with me?64
---Author's note:First of all, thank you to every single one of you reading this. I heard some mothersand daughters are reading this together, that's so beautiful!I gather from some comments that a few people are taking the story too literally.This story is not exactly what a Muslim must go through for marriage. Islam is a lotmore flexible. There are other ways to get married and live a married life.I love that I've inspired people, it's so rewarding to hear that! But I just wanted tosay, don't use this story as a guideline for your life. If you would like a guideline, turnto the Qur'an. The ultimate and best guide for life.17The story has not ended, don't worry about an ending yet. There's still some thingscoming up.11Lastly, this story is not based on anyone's life, it is something I made up.5Wonderful banner/poster/cover made by zlucyz1 -->
Chapter 25.Safia’s POVI switched on the bedside lamp to take a look. Yusuf's ankle was swollen.9“I’m so sorry.” I said to him.1“Huh? Why are you sorry?”“It's my fault. I made you walk around so much yesterday and now you're ankle'shurting because of me again!\"\"Safia! What did I tell you yesterday about stressing?\" I didn't say anything further. Ilightly pressed Yusuf's ankle and he bit his lip from the pain.\"Is it that bad?\" I asked, a lump forming in my throat with worry.“It’s okay.”\"No it's not! I told you to make an appointment but did you listen? Of course not!Now look at the situation you're in. Today, we're going to the hospital.\" I said firmly.1\"No! This is supposed to be our time together that we're supposed to enjoy! I'm notgoing to the hospital.\"4“Yes you are!”\"No I'm not; you can't force me to go.\" I crossed my arms and turned away from himangrily. \"Safia.\" He said pulling my arm. \"Hey Safia.\" I turned so my back was towardshim. He put his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulders. \"I'll make anappointment with a doctor as soon as we get back.\" When I didn't respond, he said,\"Come one Safia! First I have something wrong with my ankle and now you're nottalking to me.\" He knew exactly how to make me stop my silent treatment.5“Fine.” I huffed. I turned around to see Yusuf looking ashamed. With his head down,he spoke.“Safia, could you help me walk to the bathroom please?”“It’ll be my pleasure.” I got up and held out my hand for Yusuf to take. He put his leftarm around my shoulder and we moved together towards the bathroom. “Are yougoing to be okay in there?”4
“I’ll have to be. Don’t worry about me.” He closed the bathroom door. As I stayedrooted to that spot, I began the think about how the rest of our trip was going to go.There were so many places I was desperate to see. But Yusuf was more important.Would delaying going to a doctor make Yusuf’s ankle worse? But it was Yusuf’s ankle,he was the one in pain so the choice was ultimately his.4“You’re still standing here?” He asked when he opened the door. I took his right armand put it around my shoulder. “Wrong arm.” He said. Of course it was. When did Iever do anything right? I put his right arm down and went to the other side wherehe put his left arm around me. Pushing his weight down on me, we struggled to thecorner of the bed. He sat down, feeling relieved to take the weight off his ankle.1“You’re going to have to pray sitting down.” I told him.“Yeah.” He sighed unhappily. I went to do wudhu before I joined him and we prayedtogether.6Yusuf settled back into bed as I sat next to him stroking his hair. He had his eyesclosed but I knew he wasn’t asleep. I’d stared at his sleeping face enough to knowhow he looked when he was asleep. He would cover half of his face and snore alittle.5“I’ve got this day planned out Yusuf.” I said to him.“What are you planning on doing?”“We’re going to stay here, eat junk food, watch movies or something and stay in bedall day. We’re going to have a lazy day.”10“What about all those places you wanted to see?”“They’ve been there for centuries so I’m sure they’ll still be standing for the next tendays. We can go later. Besides, I like lazy days.” I was beginning to look forward tothe day.2“I guess it’s the only option we have.” Yusuf looked really upset and it was breakingmy heart.“Go to sleep. Have some rest and when you wake up, hopefully your ankle will be alittle better.” He was still in pain but he managed to nod off. I, on the other hand,was wide awake. I was too worried about Yusuf to sleep. If I couldn’t take his painaway, I could at least make him happier.
Before Yusuf woke up, I dressed up. I put on a lovely dress, styled my hair to the bestof my ability and put on some make up. I had experimented with make up before tosee what Yusuf liked and disliked. He wouldn’t say if he disliked anything but I knewhe liked red lipstick. He liked when I put thick eyeliner above my eye and thineyeliner underneath. I knew this because whenever I did his sort of make up, hewould complement me more than when I did it any other way.6Once I was done, I sat down where I was sitting before, stroking Yusuf’s hair again.It was so soft! I waited for him to wake up. After a little while, I got bored of waiting.Then I began to pull his hair a little, not so it hurt him but so he would wake up.Growing impatient, I called his name and shook him a little. That usually did the trick.But he was still sleeping. I pulled the hand he had tucked behind his head. He didn’tflinch. I was preparing for a panic attack when I saw that he was smiling. He wasawake.39“You scared me Yusuf! That is not funny! There is nothing funny about that!” Hissmile grew as he opened his eyes. “Stop smiling! You’re evil.” First he just stared atme. Then he said in a tired voice,“And you’re beautiful.” My lips twitched as I fought back the urge to return his smile.I had to stay angry to show him how much he scared me.5“Why would you do that?” I asked.“To see how much you care.”“Unlike you, I care a lot.”2“Unlike me?” He sat up. “What do you mean by that?” I didn’t mean anything by it.Instead of answering him, I got up and stood by him and held his hand.“See if you can stand now.” He stood up and winced a little. “Still hurting?”“It’s a slightly better than before.” I put my arm around his waist as he draped hisarm on my shoulders. I walked him to the bathroom again. He didn’t put as muchweight on me as he had earlier. That meant there was an improvement.2I ordered breakfast and some painkillers while waiting for Yusuf to come out.Breakfast came before Yusuf did which had me worried.“Yusuf?” I said knocking on the door.“I’m okay! Don’t worry about me.”
“Why are you taking so long?”“No reason.” I stood outside the door again, waiting some more. Finally he came outin his bathrobe. I helped him to the bed where sat stretching his legs out, reliefwashing over him.1“Why did you take so long?” I asked again.“It was kind of hard to shower.” He admitted. I rummaged through the suitcase toget his clothes. I threw them to him before making our tea.“Did you get breakfast from here?” He asked when he was dressed. I nodded. “That’sexpensive.”“Well I don’t want to go out. I might get lost.” I looked over at Yusuf who lookedthoughtful. I handed him the painkillers and a glass of water. He took it and thankedme. Yusuf looked like he wanted to say something so I positioned myself to face himand give him my full attention. “Speak.” I said.“Well, I have all the money divided between necessities, leisure and especially ourfuture. I know this is our honeymoon and we’re supposed to be able to spend asmuch as we want but we still have to be sensible. There is a budget and we have tostick to it. I want us to be able to move out as soon as we can but we have to saveup for that.” I must have looked freaked because Yusuf abruptly added, “In’sha’allahone day there will be no money worries. We must sacrifice a little now for a brighterfuture.” I started to feel guilty.“I’m sorry. I’ll go out to get lunch for us later.” I said.“No. I don’t want you to go out alone. Unless you want to.”“Not really.” I didn’t have a very good sense of direction. Also, I wanted to spend asmuch time as I could with Yusuf.2“Okay, today we make an exception.” He said. That comforted me. I nodded andleaned my head on Yusuf’s chest. He put his arms around me and I forgot aboutbreakfast as I closed my eyes and absorbed myself into the moment. He smelt andfelt so good. He rested his chin on my head as I nuzzled my way to his neck. I didn’tknow how I managed to live my entire life without Yusuf because I could no longerimagine a day going by without any contact with him. I loved him so much.16
“Safia. You know I care about you a lot.” He said in response to what I had said tohim earlier.“I know.” I giggled at his innocence. He took some of the things I said so literally. Iput my forehead against his and I could see him looking at my lips. The red lipstickalways did the trick. We both leaned in closer and all the worries in the worlddisappeared.45The day went a lot better than planned. We watched all the Ice Age movies on hislaptop. We filled ourselves up on snacks and I felt us bond physically andemotionally. I now felt more confident around him, possibly because of the sweetspeech he gave to me the day before. He said he liked me however I was. So I wasopening up to him even more than before, speaking my mind and acting on theemotions I had inside of me.3By the end of the day, neither of us regretted having stayed indoors.3The next day, Yusuf insisted he was feeling better. We took a taxi and went to seethe Blue Mosque. Although it wasn’t as blue as I thought it would be, it was sobeautiful. I didn’t want to leave! Yusuf made some jokes about how I love the colourblue; I didn’t know how he knew that.4The next day, Yusuf’s ankle hurt again. But then we had an excuse to enjoy anotherlazy day.1We had a few lazy days between our days out. Yusuf wouldn’t let his ankle restenough before he would convince me he was well enough to go out. I managed tosee all the places I wanted to see. We went to the Valide Sultan mosque andSuleymania mosque on the same day. I was jumping with excitement as we went tothe Aya Sofya. We had another day where we just went touring. Then there was theessential day where we had to buy everyone souvenirs.7Yusuf kept apologizing and promised we would go on another holiday in the summerwhen he was better. Although I told him there was absolutely no need for him toapologize, I did suggest we go Morocco for the summer. He said he would begin tosave for it and I was planning on helping him. I couldn’t let all the financial burdenfall upon him.27
When we did get back home, a part of me was happy but another part of me longedto go back to Istanbul, to that hotel room with Yusuf, isolated from everyone else.But it was great to see mine and Yusuf’s family again. I did miss everyone. It was alsogreat to see how everyone reacted to the presents we brought them. Yusuf and Iput a lot of thought into it. Even Javed showed some gratitude which I could seemade Yusuf very happy.13I didn’t waste any time in making Yusuf book a doctor’s appointment for himself. Istood over him during the entire phone conversation forcing him to negotiate withthem for an earlier date. We succeeded and he was given an appointment for thatsame day.2On our way to the doctor’s, Yusuf met a friend.“Asalamu’alaykum!” His friend said. “Long time, no see!”“Wa’alaykumsalaam. Yeah, just been busy.”“So what are you up to these days?” His friend asked. I was tempted to just dragYusuf away in case he got late for his appointment.“I got married. This is my wife.” Yusuf said. I sort of stood behind him, away from hisfriend. His friend craned his neck over to see me.“Oh.” He said, clearly disappointed. No, ‘Masha’allah, that’s great!’ or‘Alhamdulillah, I’m so happy for you.’ Instead, he just said an ‘oh.’ I knew I wasn’tthat pretty compared to other girls, but surely I wasn’t that bad. Yusuf said I waspretty! But the genuine disappointment from his friend’s voice had me realize howothers perceived Yusuf and I as a couple. Of course they all thought he was muchbetter than me. He was much better than me, in looks and in character. How was Iever going to match that? What if Yusuf one day realized he was too good for me?Yusuf said goodbye to his friend and we continued to walk to the doctor’s. As Yusufheld my hand, I couldn’t help but notice every eye that fell upon us. I felt like theythought the same thing. I wasn’t good enough for Yusuf.
Chapter 26.Yusuf’s POV6They had done several tests and scans on my ankle. The doctor had told me to restmy ankle and he gave me a date for when I could return to collect my results.We only had to wait a few days but each day seemed to stretch out longer than anormal day. In anticipation of what the doctor would say, I became a little distantwith everyone, even Safia.“Everything will be okay, in’sha’allah.” She kept saying.When we were finally sitting opposite the doctor a few days later, I took Safia’shands between mine to calm my nerves.“We have the results.” He said. I swallowed my spit and took a deep breath, readyto hear what the doctor had to say. “You have post-traumatic arthritis.” I took amoment for that to register in my brain.14“No, that can’t be right. Arthritis happens with old age. The previous doctor said itwas something to with a ligament injury.”3“That injury is the reason. From your medical history, I see your injury was leftuntreated. Am I right?”“For a while, yes because I don’t actually know when I hurt myself.”“Well that injury is most likely the cause for your arthritis. You see, what happenedis that your cartilage was damaged-““Is there a cure?” I asked, interrupting the doctor.“There isn’t a complete cure that I know of. However, there is treatment to helpreduce the symptoms you’re suffering. I will prescribe you some painkillers. You’regoing to be referred over to have some physiotherapy. Here is a brochure containingall the other ways to help with your arthritis such as shoe inserts or feet padding,etc. and other necessary information.” I just stared at the doctor and Safia took thebrochure for me.Safia did the rest of the talking for me during that appointment. As we walked out, Igripped Safia’s hand and without saying a word, I began walking towards home. Safiastopped me.
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