A Muslim's Romantic Journey

And that was how Yusuf and I began reconnecting. Unfortunately, it wasn't verypleasant. Adam's eczema wasn't anything like I had imagined it to be. Especiallybecause Adam had it severe.

Chapter 72.Yusuf’s POV5Everything happens for a reason. We’ve heard it so many times. But what are thereasons for everything going wrong in mine and Safia's life? This wasanything but what I imagined it to be like.I was losing Safia, I could feel it. I didn’t know if she knew or could feel it too. Shewas locked inside her own mind. It frightened me how she was isolating herself. Yes,she had the support of her family, but I had to do my bit and I just didn’t know whatto do.I first felt sorry for myself. Both cots had been dissembled and Hamza and I movedthem to his parents’ house. The absence of them made the room feel larger andemptier. But I got over feeling wronged after the first few visits to see Adam andMaria.I wasn’t angry at Safia anymore. It was sad and sudden to suddenly take my childrenand walk away, but I’d come to terms with it. It was only temporary. During the visits,I saw a different side of Safia. I hadn’t realized she was like this just before she left.In fact, she was worse. I only understood her situation when I thought back to thatlast week with her at home. She wasn’t being her normal self. This introvert quietattitude around her loved ones wasn’t normal.9Aunt Hajra told me she was suffering from postnatal depression and was takingantidepressants. I felt so helpless. I was starting to feel depressed myself. I got dadto move in with me because being alone was horrible. I wasn’t used to it.1Maybe what made it worse were my expectations. I once said to Safia that the birthof a child would be my ease after hardship. It wasn’t so simple. It wasn’t the case of‘we had babies and lived happily ever after.’ It’s rarely that simple.5But there was a reason this was happening. There was a reason why Safia movedout, a reason why my parents divorced, a reason why I was living with my dad. It wasunclear to me at the time.I had made changes in my life, changes Safia didn’t have any say in. I began my careeras a full time plumber, finally. I was starting to save more money. For the first time,I fully expressed my worries to dad who advised me on how to act with Safia.“Communication,” he said. “That’s the key.” It wasn’t so easy at first.2

When I went to visit I was usually occupied with the children. I didn’t want to missanything in their lives. I tried to forget about how I dreamed of putting them to sleepand awakening from their cries. I tried to appreciate that I went to sleep in silenceand woke up in silence. Some people with children would have loved that peace. Ididn’t but I tried.4Then uncle Yahya suggested staying the night once every now and then. I found myopportunity and tried to talk to Safia. It was strange. It almost hurt how I wasstruggling to talk to her. It was Safia! How could I struggle to talk to my wife? Thewoman who I had been with for nearly two years! She had been with me through somuch, why was it becoming difficult now?Nonetheless, we made a deal that we would talk more and tell each other whateverwas on our minds. We tried. We talked when we could. We had awkwardconversations on the phone which became less frequent and shorter. Then I tried tomake the phone calls last longer and be more frequent. The whole process of worryand distance only lasted two months but it felt much longer.Then things started getting slightly better. By that, I mean Safia was getting slightlybetter. She may not have known it, but she was my biggest concern. That’s why Ididn’t want to put any pressure on her to move back just yet.And then we learnt about Adam’s eczema. Safia told me it wasn’t so bad. She saidher nephew had eczema and he got a rash sometimes which went away with creamand he slowly grew out of it.I wish. I so wish it was as easy as that. We tried a few creams but as soon as hestarted getting better, he only got worse again. We were referred over to a dietitianto see if Adam was allergic to anything. It was likely he was.4I was keeping mum and Javed informed of all this. Safia’s family was fine withMaryam and my dad visiting, which they did every now and then, but mum and Javedweren’t so welcome. Safia’s family didn’t outright say it, but I knew. Mum thought itwas unfair she couldn’t see Adam and Maria. I agreed but I didn’t know what to doabout it.“So my grandson is suffering and I’ve only seen him a total of three times. Yet hisother grandmother gets to see him every day!” While mum was ranting again, Iproposed a solution.2“Why don’t you go there and apologise? Make things right with your old friend.”

“Why should-““Please mum, no arguing. Just think about it. I’m stressed as it is and I don’t want tohear about the so-called injustices you face,” I said tiredly.“I think you should apologise too. Make up with them if you can,” Javed added witha tinge of sadness. “I think I did too much damage to be able to undo it with anapology.” I could see now, he truly regretted his treatment of Amy. He was becominga better person in my opinion.“Hey Javed, I haven’t asked you in so long, how are your prayers coming along?”“I went up to full five times a day,” He said enthusiastically and I prepared myself tocongratulate him, feeling my heart swell only for the joy to deflate. “But, I kind oflost the routine. I prayed the Friday prayers last week.” He scratched the back of hishead awkwardly and looked guilty while he avoided eye contact.“I hope you try again.”“Maybe.” He mumbled. But at least his character was improving. I hoped I could saythe same for mum.My visits to the babies increased, as did my worry. Any time I wasn’t at work orsleeping, I was at Safia’s parents’ house. I might as well have lived there. But Iunderstood why uncle Dawud was refusing to let me actually move in. I was usuallyin the dining room anyway so I didn’t disturb anyone. Only Safia, her mum and themen in the family gave me company.Adam’s news of eczema was still fairly new when Safia finally spoke up for me. Icould feel a bit of the old Safia coming back. Uncle Dawud, Safia, the babies and Iwere in the dining room discussing immigration. It was just one of those randomconversations.“Dad,” Safia said rather nervously. “Can Yusuf kind of move in with us?”1“Kind of?” Uncle Dawud asked, confused.“I’ll see to it that he’s not in anyone’s way and he won’t walk into every room like heowns the place, right?” She asked me. I stared back in a bit of shock. She hadn’tmentioned anything about me moving in all the time she had been here. “You see,things with Adam and Maria get tough at night. It would be great if I had some help.”“Safia, we talked about this before.” Uncle Dawud sighed.

“But we didn’t know of Adam’s eczema before. I’m awake most of the night worryingabout him, trying to get him to stop scratching. I feel it’s getting worse every night.”2“That’s quite a selfish reason, don’t you think?” Uncle Dawud asked bluntly.“Besides, you can get Zayna or someone to help you if help is what you need.”5“That’s not fair on Zayna. And I want Yusuf’s help. He’s their father. Please dad, onlyfor a little while? Until Adam gets better?” Safia asked looking very hopeful. Her dadshrugged and didn’t say much more about it. It left us puzzled. He didn’t approve,nor disapprove.9The next day when I visited, Safia had told me that aunt Hajra talked to uncle Dawudand he had approved. I could actually move in. Well, kind of, as Safia put it.In such a rush, without even realizing, I had left the small flat to dad and ‘kind of’moved in with Safia’s family. Safia had been asking me to move in for three daysbefore she came to take me away herself. She had phoned me and told me she wascoming with Hamza.I waited for her by the door, feeling weirdly anxious. Then I heard her voice beforeshe could even knock and I opened the door.“Asalamu’alaykum,” I said with a smile.“Wa’alaykumsalaam,” Hamza and Safia both replied. Safia handed me the car seatwith Maria. “Take her, she’s heavy.” I placed the car seat in the living room and tookMaria out. Dad took Adam. After getting a good look at my children, I shifted mygaze to Safia. There was a small glint in her eyes like there used to be. She wasexcited about this.She had a nice conversation with my dad, all the while I could feel she was itching todo something. As soon as she found the opportunity, she headed to the bedroom. Ihanded Maria to Hamza and followed her. I went inside my room to see Safia packingmy things.2“What are you doing?” I asked.“I know if I left it to you, you’d delay coming. I meant it when I said I’m taking youwith me. Everyone knows already you’re coming today so you can’t delay it.” I closedthe bedroom door shut behind me, draining out Hamza and my dad’s voices.“And if I don’t go?” I teased.

“I will drag you by your beard,” She replied. I walked across the room to stand nearher. It was so long since we were in a room together, alone. There was somethingabout us being in that specific room, the one we shared for so long. It was the lasttime we were alone there.5I was reaching for a shirt when Safia threw her arms around me and nearly chokedme in a bear hug.9“What’s that for?” I asked, grinning as I moved back to look at her face. I put myhand on her cheek, feeling the soft texture under my thumb. She certainly lookedbetter than the last time she was in that room.“Yusuf, listen to me carefully and don’t interrupt.” I nodded and waited for her tocontinue. “I know I’ve apologized already for just leaving without much warning butI wanted to say I really am sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. I shouldn’t have goneabout it the way I did. I would move back but I’m still kind of struggling. I just needone person to do little things such as look over them while I go to the bathroom orpray or something. I know other women are raising children alone and I sound likea spoilt brat-“9“You don’t.” I didn’t want her to feel guilty for struggling. Not everyone coped withsituations the same way.6“I said don’t interrupt me,” She scolded playfully. “But I can’t properly explain whatit’s like. What I went through and what I’m going through still. According to mum,I’m making a speedy recovery. But I still…” Safia took in a deep breath while her eyeswelled up. I held her close, kissing the top of her head. “I’m trying though. I reallyneed you. I know I’ve been selfish but…” She began to shake a little as she cried intomy shoulder. “I wasn’t meant to cry!”“It’s okay. I understand. It must be tough for you.”5“It is,” Safia mumbled. “I really missed you though. A lot. I wish you didn’t have towork. I would have been happy if you were my only support if you were around allthe time.”“I would have liked that. But we both know that it can’t be like that. Don’t worrythough. You always used to say to me, keep strong faith in Allah and everything willwork out. Well Safia, keep strong faith in Allah and you’ll see, in’sha’allah everythingwill work out fine. Besides, things aren’t so bad now.”“Yeah. We’re finally going to live together again.”

“Kind of,” I added.“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”“Of course I want to. I’d live anywhere as long as it’s with my little family.” I kissedher forehead and she leaned against me. A knock on the door brought us out of ourspell.“If you lot have finished-“ Hamza stopped midsentence. I think he was going to makea rude joke but stopped remembering my dad’s presence. “If you’ve finishedwhatever you’re doing, can we get going please? Adam’s beginning to cry.” I let goof Safia and finished packing. I was only planning on taking half of my belongings.14Once I was done, I had a brief chat with dad.“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” He wasn’t used to living by himself, similarto me.“I’ll be fine. You go.”“I’ll visit often,” I promised.“And you’re welcome to come by any time you want,” Safia said and dad’s eyescrinkled as he smiled gratefully. The area around his eyes had gained more wrinkles.He was aging fast.3“We’ll see you soon I hope.” Hamza held out his hand and dad shook it.“In’sha’allah,” He replied. I also shook dad’s hand and left. I felt bad leaving himalone. But since I had told him about moving, he encouraged it. He said Safia and Ineeded to be together and talk to each other. Dad was determined to keep me andSafia together. He feared for my future to be similar to his.I wasn’t going to let that happen. And it seemed unlikely for that to be the case.That night was my second night with Safia and the babies after finding out Adamhad eczema. She told me Maria usually falls asleep herself but she had to pat Adamto sleep. He was starting to scratch himself which worried her. She applied someprescribed Aveeno cream all over Adam and put him in the cot, leaning over to pathim to sleep.9“Safia, I’ll do that. You put Maria to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” I nodded and we swapped places. “Make sure he doesn’t startscratching.” I held Adam’s hands and lightly patted his arm. Maria fell asleep quickly.Adam, on the other hand, would cry every time I’d think he was asleep and let go.“How long does it usually take him to fall asleep?” I asked after an hour of pattinghim.“It varies. I have a feeling tonight’s a bad night for him. Some nights are good, othersare bad. I’ll take over, you get some sleep. You have work tomorrow.”3“No, it’s fine,” I said, shifting into a different position. My muscles were beginning toget sore.“No, I’ll take over.”“I told you it’s fine. I want to put him to sleep.” Safia seemed unsure but eventuallygave in. Another hour passed and I was about to just collapse from exhaustion. Ididn’t know how tiring leaning over a cot could be. I let go and luckily, Adamremained asleep. I didn’t wait to fall back into bed, ready to close my eyes. I turnedaround to give Safia a quick goodnight kiss, expecting her to be sleeping. Her openeyes shone in the dark, startling me.1“What?” She asked when I stopped to stare at her.“Why aren’t you asleep?”“Can’t sleep.” I began to pat her arm.2“I guess I’ll have to put you to sleep too.” She shoved my arm off and I could see afaint smile.8“Goodnight Yusuf,” Safia said nestling into my side.“Goodnight Safia.” I put my arm around her and instantly fell asleep.I awoke for Fajr with a panicking Safia and a crying baby.“What’s wrong?” I asked as she stood at the side of the bed.“Look.” I sat up and peered into the cot and saw blood. I jumped up to get a closerlook. “His mitten came off and he scratched his face and he’s bleeding,” Safia toldme, close to tears.11

“It’s okay. He’ll be okay.” I picked Adam up and placed him on the bed. “We justneed to clean this up.” He had scratched himself quite badly. “I’ll get some wettissue. Hold him down while I clean him.” I ran to wet some tissue and winced as Itried to clean him. He struggled and cried. I had left the door open and Hamza cameinto the room, his eyes drooping.“Why’s she crying?” After blinking a few times, his vision became clear and heunderstood what was going on. “Oh it’s Adam. I’ll… I’ll get clean blankets.” He helpedwith getting clean clothes and blankets and soon, we had changed Adam and putthe blood stained blanket and clothes in the wash. By this time, everyone washuddled around Adam asking what was wrong.I had to tell them all to leave so Safia could feed Adam. They left and after he wasfed, he was asleep again. Safia put him in his cot and things were quiet, but she wasstill shaken. I put my arm around her.“Look, he’s all better now.”“I can’t stand the sight of anyone’s blood, let alone a baby’s blood. And this is myson,” Safia said weakly.“You’re going to have to be tougher than this. Besides, it’s over for now. Don’tworry.”“I’m really glad you’re here.” She said squeezing my hand.I left to pray Fajr shortly after I calmed Safia down. I spent some time after Fajr hadfinished, just praying things get better. I prayed Adam’s eczema didn’t prolongSafia’s recovery from depression. I prayed our living arrangements got better,although I had no idea how that would happen any time soon if other things didn’tget better. But I also remembered to thank Allah. It felt wrong to put out a list ofdemands and not be grateful for the prayers which got accepted. Mine and Safia’srapidly breaking relationship took a turn and we were getting better. I thanked Allahlots for that.

Chapter 73.Safia’s POVDay by day Adam was getting bigger and stronger. I began to wrap him so his armswere trapped in his blanket so he wouldn’t scratch himself but mum said that theheat would make him feel warm and worsen his eczema and make his skin itchier.The results came from his allergy tests and I wanted to scream seeing how much hewas allergic to. Everything I was eating and drinking was going into him through meand making his eczema worse. At first, the dietitian advised I cut those foods out ofmy diet. I did for a couple of weeks. I stayed away from anything containing cow’smilk, nuts, wheat, lentils and other foods too. The results of that weren’t good. BothAdam and Maria were beginning to lack nutrition.53The dietitian then prescribed Adam special milk instead but I was advised to resumefeeding Maria like normal and go back to eating everything I used to eat. Thedownside was that the milk smelt like cat food. At first Adam refused to drink it andI didn’t blame him. But slowly he got used to it.The babies were growing so quickly. Before we knew it, they were sitting; withsupport of course but sitting nonetheless. It was such a lovely sight. They recognizedpeople too now. Adam would stop crying if Yusuf picked him up. Maria, on the otherhand, was more attached to Hamza. That only inflated his ego.27“She just proves how irresistible I am,” He commented one day, while he picked herup and she stopped crying.16“You’re disgusting,” I replied.2“I agree,” Amy added.“Oh please. You’re the other living proof of how irresistible I am,” Hamza said toAmy.26“I think it’s time for me to confess. Hamza, I married you out of pity. Surely deepdown you knew that the whole time.” I grinned, feeling very entertained by Hamzaand Amy’s jokey argument.6“It’s okay Amy. I know you feel outshined with such a magnificent husband, but Idon’t mind. You don’t need to make stuff up to feel better about yourself.”1“That was a good one,” I said, turning to Amy, waiting for a response.2

“Safia, you’re such a stirrer. Stop stirring trouble.”“Me? Stirring trouble? I brought you two together.”“Safia, Amy’s words are those of a loser’s because she doesn’t have a comeback.Don’t take it to heart.” Hamza said, making Maria stand on his lap. “She’s strongmasha’allah.”“Who me? I know.” Amy flexed her muscles.“Don’t flatter yourself. I was talking about Maria. Isn’t that right, little princess.”4“You’ve got to admit, I am strong though. I singlehandedly moved the entire hugewardrobe to the other side of the room.” Hamza replied to her but I was starting tozone out of Hamza and Amy’s conversation. My mind slowly wandered elsewhere.I was really feeling better now. I felt like I was coming out of that enclosed walls ofdepression. Every day, it was breaking down more and more. I was noticing thingsbetter. I had been too self-absorbed to have seen Amy’s improvement from hermourning state. She was returning to her normal self, although, the mention of amother made her quite sad.Someone threw a little ball on me and snapped me out of my thoughts.“And you say your honeymoon period was over,” Hafsa said strolling in.“Actually, I wasn’t thinking about Yusuf.”“Sure you weren’t,” Amy said, wiggling her eyebrows.1“You’re one to talk,” Hafsa replied and then cleared her throat to do an impressionof Amy. “Oh Hamza, I love you so much. You did all the dishes! Thank so much babe,”Hafsa said in a high pitched voice.14“Replace Hamza with Yusuf in that sentence and that is the most accurateimpression of Safia. Although, it would be even more accurate if you added: Yusuf,my darling, take Adam and Maria please,” Amy said, matching Hafsa’s high pitchedvoice. They both laughed as I tried my best to narrow my eyes at them, but failedbecause of the smile on my face.“I do not tell Yusuf to take Adam and Maria. I tell him to take Adam orMaria. Andeven that’s only when I need his help.”

“Where is Adam? I miss him.” Hafsa pouted.“He’s sleeping upstairs. I put him in Zayna’s room.”“On his own? What if he scratches himself or cries or something?”“He won’t scratch, I hope. I wrapped him tightly, only around the arms so he won’tget too hot. And the baby monitor’s on so we’ll know if he cries.”“Wake him up. Please?” Hafsa pleaded.“No.”“Please?”“No.”“Please?”“I said no, but if you wake him up, I’m not going to console his cries. You take careof him then.”“Okay,” Hafsa said happily jumping up and heading towards the door. When she gotout, the doorbell rang and she went to see who it was first. Then she ran back in.“Safia, the love of your life is here,” Hafsa whispered cheekily and ran off. There wasa knock on the half open door.1“Come in,” I said, knowing it was going to be Yusuf. He walked in, and greeted us all.“What did Hafsa say?” He asked suspiciously.2“Nothing.”“She stinks,” Hamza said, making a disgusted face.“Who? Amy? We’ve established that long ago,” I said, laughing at my own joke.1“You’ve taken after your mummy, haven’t you?” Hamza said to Maria. Then hehanded her over to me. “Change her.” I looked towards Yusuf, fluttering myeyelashes.3“That’s not fair, I just came from work.” I heard Adam’s cry and sighed, getting upwith Maria in my arms. Yusuf grabbed my arm.2

“Fine, I’ll take her and you tend to Adam.”1“It was all Hafsa’s fault anyway.” I muttered under my breath, giving Maria to Yusuf.“If she hadn’t woken him up, he wouldn’t be crying.” I continued muttering angrilyuntil I got to Zayna’s room where Adam lay on Hafsa’s lap.“Oops,” She said, looking up at me. I stretched my arms out to hold Adam. Hafsa putAdam down. “This is weird but okay.” She said hugging me.26“Get off me.” I pushed her away while she giggled.“I am so funny.” I moved past Hafsa and picked Adam up. I rocked him gently for alittle while. “Sorry for waking him. But he’s just so adorable and I missed him. Ihaven’t seen him since yesterday. Even when I came this morning, he was sleeping.”“He’s nocturnal that’s why. Sleeps during the day and stays awake at night. You’re anaughty baby, aren’t you Adam?” Adam laughed, melting my heart. But then hebegan to cry again. “He actually naps twice a day. Maria does too but for somereason, she ends up sleeping and waking up an hour earlier than this little fatty.”“He’s not fat. You need to feed him more. He’s losing his chubbiness too early.”Hafsa lightly pinched his arm. “Hardly anything left.”“It was that phase he went through. When I cut out all the foods he’s allergic to.Maria lost a little weight too but she seems okay now. She was drinking normally butit took Adam nearly a week to get used to his milk.” I started walking up and downthe room, making Adam stop his cries. Hafsa’s expression changed as she watchedme and she looked unusually serious.“Safia, do you ever reminisce the old days. Remember how stupid we were and howfun it was,” I froze for a moment, wondering where that random comment camefrom.“I tell Yusuf about it all the time,” I replied honestly.“Do you remember the kiddy movie re-enactments?” Hafsa said with a sad smile.“How can I forget? We were so lame.”1“It was so fun. We don’t spend that much time together anymore.” We both lookeddown sadly.“So much has changed.”

“I know you’ve been going through a tough time but I just wanted you to know I missyou. I know those times won’t come back, but we can still get together and have alaugh like old times.”2“I’d love that. And you know, I’m still here for you if you need me,” I said.“I know.” There was a pause before Hafsa continued. “Now let’s stop this soppy stuffand go downstairs. I feel like snacking.” As she always did, she ruined the emotionalmoment.4“Do we have any chocolate? I’ve still got two weeks’ worth of no chocolate to makeup for.”“Yeah, I’m sure there’s some in the cupboards.” Putting Adam on my shoulder, Ifollowed Hafsa downstairs.Yusuf had Maria’s nappy changed and a bottle of Adam’s milk cooling down.9“Adam just woke up so thought he might be hungry.”“Aww,” Hafsa said, nudging me.“Hafsa, I’m not a newlywed that I’m going to stand here and blush thinking that thislittle act makes my husband so great. It’s his job to do this.”10“And that’s the thanks I get?” Yusuf asked, biting the inside of his lip to stop himselffrom smiling.“Be nice Safia,” Hafsa said before leaving the dining room in which Yusuf was sitting.“I was only joking you know. I really appreciate all that you do.” I meant it. Yusuf didso much for me and the babies. He was an amazing father, and an amazing husband.I felt his closeness and his support more than ever before. And I needed him nowmore than I ever had done previously.“I know. I’m awesome.”34“Stop hanging around with Hamza please.” I sat down and checked if the milk hadcooled down. It was still a little too warm.1

“Safia, I wanted to ask…” Yusuf hesitated before he took a deep breath and spokeagain. “Adam and Maria are now five months old, nearly six. You’ve practicallyrecovered, except for the odd few emotional moments. I was thinking, shall we goback? Or if not, shall we start looking for another place to live. How much longer canI stay here?” I disliked this conversation and every time he brought up the topic ofmoving, I felt my mood go sour.“Not yet. Try and understand. I know it’s hard for you but, it’s hard for me too. Ifthere was only one, I would definitely have moved. I would have been able to cope.But two’s too much for me to handle alone.”48“Maybe you’re just scared. Maybe if we take that step, it will be alright.”“It could be. But I don’t want to go back to how the first couple of months were.”“I understand but-““I’ve been praying for a solution. I’ve been asking for Allah’s help and I’m suresomething will happen.”2“Safia, remember that talk you once showed me…?” Yusuf asked, knotting his browsthinking.“You’re going to have to be a little more specific. I’ve shown you many.”“The one about how a father should look for a spouse for their child and stop waitingfor a man to come to them for their daughter’s hand in marriage. I forgot who it’sby.”5“Ah yes, I remember. I think it was Mufti Menk. Might have to double check that.”12“Yeah, and he gave that example of a man sitting in a car, praying for the car to startand take him to the mosque. He was fully capable of driving the car but he relied onhis prayers. But his prayer was already answered with the ability Allah gave him todrive.”11“Yes?”“If we relate that to this situation, don’t you see? Allah has given us solutions but wehave to work a little too. We have the ability to do something about this.”1“Well tell me, what’s the solution then?”

“We could try and find some place close. So if the need arises, you can comewhenever you want.” I considered it.“Hmm. I guess we could give it a try.” Yusuf looked surprised.“Really? So I should start searching?”“If you think you have the money.” His face fell.1“I’m saving up but, I don’t know if I can afford a house and all there is in this area ishouses. Maybe someone might be renting one. Keep an eye out for a ‘to let’ sign.”“That sign always reminds me of toilet.” I said, breaking the serious atmosphere.Yusuf raised an eyebrow and then shook his head, grinning. He reached out andchecked Adam’s bottle of milk.53“It’s fine now. Do you want me to feed him?”“No, I’ve got it. But thank you.” Yusuf smiled warmly, cuddling Maria. He really hadsurpassed all my expectations of him as a father.2It was only three days when my prayers were answered and our solution came. Andit wasn’t in the form of a rented house. It was something I didn’t expect but I shouldhave. It made sense.

Chapter 74.Yusuf’s POVI rubbed my tired eyes for the hundredth time, sitting on the train. I was on my wayto mum’s house after work. Adam had scratched himself and caused a wound atnight again, so I'd woken up much earlier than intended. Now I had a leaking tap tofix in the upstairs bathroom at mum’s house.We were still using different creams to control Adam’s eczema. The doctorprescribed some strong steroid creams which helped but every now and then, hiseczema would flare up and he’d scratch and cry. It was tough but we were managingwith everyone’s help.5I still wanted to move. I just didn’t feel right there. I understood it was tough to takecare of two children, especially with one who had eczema and needed to be watchedover at all times. But I really believed they were at a stage where it was easier forSafia to take care of them. And she had me to help, when I wasn’t at work.At least now with my new job, I was getting better pay. I was beginning to save upagain and I could see a brighter future.Only three times since my parents’ divorce had I brought the babies for mum to see.She was still being too stubborn to come to see them and possibly apologise toSafia’s family. Dad drove Safia and I with the babies to see mum and Javed. I onlytook the children in the house for a little while. Mum was incredibly pleased to seethem and Javed surprised me every time he held them and played with them.I was limping slightly as I walked from the station to mum’s house. I was too tired tocare about my ankle. I sent Maryam a text telling her to open the door so I wouldn’thave to stand around and wait for the door to open.“Asalamu’alaykum,” Maryam said eagerly, standing at the door.“Wa’alaykumsalaam.”“Where are Adam and Maria?” She asked disappointed.“Good to see you too.”“You didn’t bring them?”“I told you already, I’m coming from work.”

“But I thought you were just saying that and you were going to surprise us bybringing them.”“And why were you thinking that?”“Wishful thinking?”5“Sorry. Maybe next time. Or next time you’re with dad, come around. Now will youlet me inside even though I didn’t bring Adam and Maria?” Maryam thought for amoment.“If I let you in, can you buy me a cheeseburger?”14“What?” I frowned at her unusual request. Maryam wasn’t a huge fan of junk food.“Yes or no?”“Fine. I’ll buy you one now can I come in?”5“Sure.” She moved to the side and I went in to greet mum. Dad wasn’t the only oneaging. Mum was aging too. She wasn’t taking care of herself like she used to either.I could see the white roots of her hair more apparent than ever. She wasn’t dyingher hair as often. Her skin was becoming rough too, not soft and moisturized like itused to be.“Are you not taking care of yourself?” I asked and mum just shrugged.“How are Adam and Maria?”“Good alhamdulillah.”1“Show us the latest pictures,” Maryam said, sitting next to me.“I sent you the latest pictures already.”“Really?” Mum asked. “I didn’t see them.” I took my phone out and carefully wentthrough the pictures. There were a few in there which Safia probably wouldn’t wantothers to see. But as careful as I was, I accidentally slid the screen onto the nextpicture which was of Safia sleeping. She looked cute so I took the picture but shehated it.10“That’s enough pictures for today,” I said putting the phone back in my pocket.

“They’re growing so quickly,” Mum stated, sounding quite sad. She wasn’t veryhappy these days.“Right, I’m off. I have some homework to finish. Just a few months and then I’m offto uni. Can’t wait to have my own dorm room.” I raised my eyebrows.“You’re moving out?”“Yep. In’sha’allah.” I looked over at mum.“You’re letting her move out?” Mum just shrugged.“It’s what she wants.”“I’ll help you with your homework,” I said and stood up to follow Maryam up thestairs to her room. Once we got there, Maryam turned around with a questioninglook. She knew what I was going to say to her.“Maryam, you can’t just leave like that. It’s not good. And you’re going to be livingalone? No, that’s unacceptable.”19“Why? I can manage on my own. And I’ll be back every weekend.1“You can’t leave mum alone like this. She needs you,” I explained making Maryamscoff.12“The only thing she needs is Javed.”“Maryam, you’ve got to change your attitude. Things are different now. Can you notsee how mum is? This divorce has left her distraught.”“Well if dad can live alone, why can’t mum live with Javed?”“Dad is coping much better.” It hurt for me to admit it, but he seemed to be gettingon a lot better than when he was with mum. It was hard for him at first but he hadsettled in the flat Safia and I lived in before.“So this is a good thing? Mum and dad’s divorce I mean.” I thought for a momentand then replied,“If we look at it positively, yes it is. Dad’s happy, I think. And you know, if it weren’tfor their divorce and dad coming to live with me, maybe I wouldn’t have fixed thingswith Safia.”

“What was wrong between you and Safia?” Maryam asked, alarmed.“Yes, I’d like to know too,” Mum said, coming into Maryam’s room. “I was curious asto what you two were discussing so I came up.”“Well, it’s sort of complicated. Safia had postnatal depression and I’m pretty sureit’s over now. But she was just really tough to talk to and things between us changedfor a little while. It was only a short time.”“So how are things now?”“Well…” I started and Maryam’s face became alarmed again.“Why? What’s wrong now?”“You know that I’m living with her family, right?” Mum had already made it clear shedisapproved of me living there but she didn’t object. She nodded for me to continue.“I want to move but Safia’s not so keen on leaving that place any time soon. She saidwe can move if we find a place close enough but I know she’s not happy with theidea. She claims she’s fearful of falling back into that depression and she doesn’twant to take care of Adam and Maria on her own.”“I don’t blame her much this time,” Mum said. Maryam and I stared at mum wideeyed. My mum was defending Safia! “Stop looking at me like that. I still don’t likeher but I understand her fears. I had postnatal depression after I had you.” Mumpointed at me. “I remember it. Yusuf, don’t take it too lightly. It’s not just a constantfeeling of sadness, it’s a little more. You feel worthless, tired, you find it hard to cope,hard to sleep. It changes you for a while. I don’t know how severe hers was but Iknow it’s horrible.”14“Oh.” This was all I managed to say. Postnatal depression must have been reallytough if my mum was defending her.1“Bear with her a little longer. And be good to her no matter how mean she is to you.Hostility towards your partner can be one of the signs of postnatal depression.” Ithought about how Safia suddenly left. I had forgiven her but deep down, the hurtwas still there. I wanted our own space back. “This time will pass.” Mum finishedwith and turned to leave.7“Whoa,” Maryam commented when mum was out of sight.

“Yeah,” I said dazed. Then I snapped out of it. “Back to what we were discussingbefore. You see, mum needs you.”“One tiny act of good can’t cancel out everything else.”“It’s a start.” Maryam wasn’t convinced.“I want to move out. Mum gave in and approved so I’m going. It’s final.” Maryamcrossed her arms and I sighed in defeat.6“Fine. I can’t force you to stay or anything but I still think you should.” We stood insilence before I cleared my throat. “I’ll go and fix the tap now.”9“Okay.” It didn’t take me long. I finished, cleaned up a little and then I went to saysalaam to mum before I left.“Mum, can I bring Safia inside with me next time I bring Adam and Maria around?”I asked, my hope rising.“No. Just because I sympathized with her, it doesn’t mean I want to start seeing heragain. If it weren’t for her, you’d still be in this house and I’d be living with mygrandchildren.” So she still blamed Safia for that. I didn’t feel too disheartened.Change took time and that was ifmum was going to change. One could hopethough.17“Okay, I’m going. Asalamu’alaykum.”“Stay for dinner.”5“I can’t, I need to get back.”“Okay, Wa’alaykumsalaam.”By the time I got home, my ankle was throbbing. Amaan opened the door and Igreeted him before I walked past and went into the dining room, falling into a chair.Amaan went to call Safia for me. She came holding a crying Adam. I took him off herand he calmed down. Safia smiled tiredly seeing Adam quieten as I held him.2“Come into the living room. Dad’s still at work and the girls have gone over to UncleYahya’s house,” Safia said. I followed Safia to the living room. Amaan was theresitting next to a happy Maria who was lying down on the sofa waving her hands inthe air.7

“Hello princess.” I put Adam down and picked Maria up. Adam began crying againso I had to put Maria down. “Sorry princess.” I gave her a kiss and picked Adam up.“Are you getting jealous? You’re a jealous baby aren’t you?” Adam began laughing.I grinned and hugged him. I loved my babies so much.15Safia came in and put a table in front of me and then walked out again to bring mesome food.“I could’ve done that myself.”“Your ankle’s hurting, I can tell. You rest it.” Safia and I held our eye contact for afew seconds. Amaan looked at both of us and then slid out of the room. He was asweet kid but he got uncomfortable way too easily. Safia smiled amusedly watchinghim leave. “Let me hold him.” She took Adam and I dug into my food, only realizinghow hungry I was after the first bite.1A little while later, Amy and Hamza came into the room.“Where were you?” Safia asked.“We were cleaning our room,” Amy replied.4“I thought you went to uncle Yahya’s house with Zayna.”“Well you thought wrong. Let me hold Maria.” Safia picked Maria up and handedher to Amy. My phone started ringing so I left the room to answer it. It was Javedthanking me for fixing the tap.3“You could have just sent me a text saying thank you,” I told him. My ankle hurtwhen I stood.“Well sorry for trying to be nice!”“Apology accepted.”“Whatever dude. I have to go now. I have food waiting to be eaten.”“Okay, salaam.” Javed hung up and as I was about to enter the living room againwhen I heard Amy say,“I want my own little babies too now.”1“Just wait until we get our own place,” Hamza replied.

“You’ve been house hunting for like a year now. How long does it take?” I askedwalking in and taking a seat.“We put it off for a little while. I’m looking for the perfect place. Not too small butnot too big either. I went to see a house a couple of days ago. It was four bedrooms,two at the bottom and two at the top. What’s the point of a house that big? And I’mnot sure if I can afford it yet.”13“Rent half of it out,” I said and Safia’s eyes widened and began to shine.5“Oh my Allah! I just had the best idea ever!” She actually stood up from her seat, herfeatures lit up. “Why don’t we buy a house together? You can have half, we can havehalf. I mean, we only need a two bedroom place, right Yusuf? And if you can’t affordit… We can pay it together. We can divide it into two but… Oh my gosh, it would beso cool.” She said, not forming her sentences properly because of excitement.31“That’s actually a really good idea,” Hamza said. “What do you think Amy?”5“Live just above Adam and Maria? Perfect!”“Yusuf?” Safia asked me her eyes full of hope that I’d agree.“Sounds good.” It would keep us set for a good few years.“Yes!” She said punching the air. “And then we can make a kitchen upstairs and onedownstairs and maybe have a door where the stairs are so you lot can have yourprivacy and we can have ours,” Safia added. “And we can pay for all expensestogether.”“Do you want to go and see the house tomorrow?” Hamza asked me and I nodded.“It will still need a lot of work though, especially if we’re going to make a kitchenupstairs.” Safia was bubbling with excitement.“Before you get your hopes up,” I said to Safia. “Let us see the house, see the priceand work everything out. It’s still possible we might not be able to afford it orsomething could be wrong with that house.” I tried to lower my expectations butthis news was making me really hopeful. I’d already made up my mind about whichbuilder I wanted to phone and started working out how long it would take for us tomove.

“You’re right. There’s still a possibility things could go wrong,” Safia agreed andHamza and Amy nodded. But I knew that in our hearts, we all knew that this was theperfect plan. If only it would play out like we imagined, this would be a solution tomany issues.9---Author's Note: Three chapters left :)

Chapter 75.Safia’s POV“Hamza, this isn’t a four bedroom house,” I said, shaking my head at him.“But that’s what the guy who’s selling it said.”“This house has such a similar layout to ours, minus the attic conversion that wehave. How can you not tell?” I asked. Hamza had driven us to Yusuf’s mum’s houseso that his family could see Adam and Maria. We dropped them and Yusuf off andcame to see our possible future house.Due to the lack of space, Amy offered to travel on the bus and we met her at thehouse. Currently, Amy, Hamza and I were exploring the building while my childrenwere with their father at their grandma’s.4“Did the guy live in this house or did he rent it out?” Amy asked, coming down fromthe dusty stairs.“I think he rented it out.” I rolled my eyes at Hamza. I doubt he even talked to thenearly previous owner properly.“He probably rented it out to two families. One must have used two rooms upstairsas bedrooms and the other family probably used two rooms downstairs asbedrooms. Much like how we’re planning to do so.”“How can you tell?”“The middle room upstairs has some kitchen counters.”“That’s perfect for us. Although, I think I owe you an explanation, Hamza. This so-called bedroom is like our equivalent of a living room.”“But it’s tiny for a living room,” Hamza said peeking inside again. I elbowed him forbeing stupid.“Please act a little smarter for your wife. I’m so sorry about him Amy. Anyway, thisroom is small because the kitchen is big. Well, the kitchen slash dining room slashliving room. And I’m wondering if we should put a wall up to divide it into a livingroom and kitchen instead of having them both together.” I tapped my chin with myfinger, wondering about what adjustments could be made.

“Stop getting ahead of yourself, Saf.”“Ia.”9“What?”“I just completed my name.”4“Can we get back to discussing the house please?” Amy asked, looking between bothof us. “I like it,” She commented.“I like it too. It’s perfect. Well, it has potential to be perfect.”“Are you sure two bedrooms each will be enough?”“It will be for now. In’sha’allah when the kids get older and you have your own littleones, we’ll have enough to buy our own house. What if the neighbours put theirhouse on sale! And we could buy it and be neighbours!” I squealed in delight at thethought.“And I thought you getting married will help me get rid of you forever,” Hamza said,pouting slightly to show how sad he was.11“That’s not the impression I got when I married you,” Amy said, receiving a glarefrom Hamza.1“Ooh, do tell. What did he say?”“I said you were fat and crusty.”10“He said he missed you and it used to be fun when you were home. Aww.”6“Aww! I knew it!”“Back to the house! So you both definitely like it, right?”2“Yes, I like the layout.” I replied.2“So do I,” Amy agreed.“Okay, I’m just going upstairs to check how much work needs to be done again.”Hamza left and I turned to Amy with a huge grin which she returned.“So, roomie, isn’t this exciting?”

“I do have one concern though,” Amy said, her grin faltering.“What is it?”“I know we’re going to have a door to separate upstairs from downstairs so I canroam around upstairs without my hijab on. But say I wear my hijab and walk down,open the door and Yusuf’s about to leave for work and I see you two, you know,saying ‘bye’ to each other at the door, if you know what I mean?” She put air quotesaround the word bye and gave a slight wink.4“I’m sure we have enough sense not to say ‘bye’ too each other at the door.” I copiedher air quote gesture. “That can be done elsewhere.” I pointed towards the livingroom kitchen thing.2“Ooh I see the flame hasn’t died.” Amy nudged me playfully.4“Be quiet, Hamza might hear. I don’t want you to make inappropriate jokes in frontof my brother.” I turned my back towards Amy so she couldn’t see my smile. Justthen, my phone started ringing.2“My psychic abilities tell me that’s Yusuf,” Amy said, closing her eyes and rubbingher forehead as if she was using her ‘abilities’ to guess.“And my motherly psychic abilities tell me one of my babies is crying.” I picked upthe phone and sure enough, I heard a cry.“Can you and Hamza come and pick us up now? Adam’s starting to scratch himself,”Yusuf said, trying not to sound as uncomfortable as he was.“Sure. I’ll let Hamza know.\"“Quickly please.” I put the phone down and called Hamza. Amy took a bus homewhile Hamza and I left in the car straight away and it only took five minutes to getto Yusuf’s mum’s house.Yusuf was standing outside with Adam, rocking him from side to side in the cool air.The cold helped his skin feel less itchy. As soon as the car parked, I jumped out andran to him. I took Adam in my arms, cuddling him and hoping to soothe his cries.“It’s okay baby. I’m here now. I was only gone for twenty minutes.” I looked up atYusuf. “Where’s Maria? And call Maryam out please.”

“Maryam! Come out with Maria.” Yusuf yelled inside. Maryam emerged with ahappy looking Maria.“Safia! Asalamu’alaykum.”“Wa’alaykumsalaam. Yusuf, take the bottle of milk out of my bag. I think Adam’shungry.”“Come inside and feed him,” Yusuf said then there was an awkward pause.“I’ll feed him in the car.”“Let me go and ask mum. I’m sure she’ll agree that you can come inside.”“But Hamza’s waiting…” He left before hearing what I had to say. “Oh dear.”“Oh dear indeed. He remains so hopeful,” Maryam whispered sadly.“Don’t be dramatic. Yes he’s hopeful that his mum would accept me, but even if shedoesn’t, it could be worse. What if he had to choose between me and her? As in,choose to remain a son or a husband. Sadly there are people going through that andmy heart cries out to them. Even though your mum and I don’t get on, at least Yusufcan be a son and a husband, right?”“All that went right over my head because Adam was smiling at me,” Maryam saidstaring down at Adam who had cheered up.5“My epic wise speeches are wasted on you.”1“But he’s smiling at me. I think that counts as a valid excuse.” I was about to replywhen Yusuf came out looking like a storm. He picked Maria up and demanded,“Let’s go.” Seeing Yusuf’s reddening face, Maryam waved and crept inside herhouse. I walked down the road, leading Yusuf to the car.“You didn’t shout at her, did you?”“Of course not. That’s partially why I’m irritated. Do you reckon stubbornness hassomething to do with pride?”“I think it does in some cases.” Wanting to change the topic and extinguish Yusuf’sanger, I began talking about the house. “The house is perfect. It still needs a lot ofwork, but I honestly think it’s great. With you and Hamza buying it together, it’sdefinitely affordable. Amy and I want to decorate though, so leave that to us.”

“So, you’re completely okay with moving out of your parents’ house?” Yusuf askedas we reached the car. We opened the car doors and Hamza straight away begancomplaining about the lack of parking spaces.“The whole road is packed with parked cars. It’s annoying!” Ignoring him, I answeredYusuf’s previous question.2“Moving out with Hamza and Amy was my idea.” I reminded him as I strapped Adaminto his car seat.“You’ll still be alone at times, you know that, right?” Yusuf said, checking if Mariawas strapped into her car seat securely.“I know, but I’m sure I’ll manage with a couple of other people.” Looking at the carseats, I realized I didn’t have any space to get inside. Feeling too lazy to pull Adam’scar seat out, I asked Yusuf to do so instead. “My dear, strong, muscular husband,can you take one of the car seats out so I can sit in the middle of these two, please?”Yusuf cracked a smile at that and pulled Maria’s car seat out and I got in.2“Ignore me. It’s fine. I’m used to it now.” Hamza said looking out the window.10“Well we’re doing more important things here. I think police in Britain are a little toostrict with children’s car seat rules. I mean, giving fines up to hundreds of pounds?That sounds a bit extreme.” I said, disliking the lack of space in the back of the car. Itook the bottle of milk out of its small bag which kept it warm and put it in Adam’smouth.5“It’s for safety. I think the law’s good,” Hamza replied. Yusuf agreed with him and Iargued for the sake of keeping a conversation. And because I found it fun.3When we got home, I was told to ‘talk some sense’ into Hafsa. Yusuf took Adam andwent up to our room to put some cream on his skin. We were told by the doctors toapply it regularly. Maria was starting to get a little hungry so I made her milk. I wasslowly switching her onto powdered milk now.I sat in the living room and Hafsa offered to feed Maria. I handed Maria and thebottle of milk over before I went straight into the issue.“So what’s this whole problem with marriage and you?” I asked folding my arms.“Whatever it is, it’s not my fault.”“What happened?”

“There’s a proposal coming tomorrow and I told dad to tell them not to come. I don’twant to get married yet.” I’d known Hafsa my whole life so I knew this was herattitude to marriage. First she wanted to complete her studying, and then shewanted to start thinking about marriage. I thought her parents understood that.1“Are they pressurizing you to get married?” I asked, shocked. Uncle Yahya and AuntAsma would never do that.2“No. It’s mum’s inability to say no to people. So this dude told his mum to ask for myhand in marriage and his mum phoned my mum. She asked if they could come andsee me and my mum gave in. Mum and dad just said to let this guy come and then Ican reject.”1“So? What’s the problem? If you don’t want to marry him, reject him.”“I don’t want any proposals to come yet. I want to study. I’m not interested in thosethings.” Hafsa scowled at me, probably getting annoyed at how I wasn’t immediatelytaking her side.“Just because a guy is coming, that doesn’t mean you have to get married rightnow.”“But if I don’t want to get married yet, why are guys coming? Why can’t mum anddad say I’m off limits?”“Off limits?”“Yes. I don’t want to marry early like everyone else. I have other dreams.” Hafsa said,looking away as if distracted in her dreams.4“And we don’t have dreams? I want to become a teacher. I have my degree and Iwill be a teacher, in’sha’allah, as soon as my babies grow up a little.”“I didn’t say you don’t have dreams,” Hafsa sighed. “I said I have other dreams. Onesthat don’t include getting married any time soon. I’m only still twenty. And don’tthink just because you got married at twenty that I have to as well.”7“You’re nearly twenty one. It’s young but not that young.”“It is that young! For me, anyway.” Hafsa and I had differing views on what age wasconsidered young for marriage but we never tried to change the other’s view.9

“That’s what you think. Anyway, don’t worry about this. I understand what you’resaying and I’ll talk to Uncle Yahya and Aunt Asma about it.” Hafsa smiled at megratefully. “Did you even tell them how you feel?”“I was planning on doing so but I find it awkward.”“You have the coolest most understanding parents ever! How can you find itawkward talking to them?”“You’re their niece, I’m their daughter. Believe it or not, it is a little different.”15“I truly believe you could have just sorted this out yourself, but I’ll speak for youanyway. Only this time though. I can’t believe you haven’t told how you feel. Youmust communicate to keep a relationship healthy.”“Okay, stop lecturing me now,” Hafsa said frowning at me. “You sound old.” Thenshe smiled mischievously. “From now on, I’m going to call you granny Safia.”1“At least come up with a more original name. Now back to what we were saying.Promise me you’ll try and talk to your parents if an issue arises in the future. Believeme; they’ll understand you just fine. Promise?”1“I promise I’ll try,” Hafsa said giving in.That evening I spoke to Aunt Asma and Uncle Yahya. We came to a conclusion thattomorrow’s family would come with their proposal but after that, no more for atleast two years. That was Hafsa’s wish.Aunt Asma and Uncle Yahya gave me a very motherly and fatherly look after wecame to the conclusion and Hafsa left. They proceeded to praise me and pray forme. It was really flattering and slightly weird. Looking at their faces, I felt so lucky.The amount of people who loved me and supported me was amazing. I wasn’t sureif I even deserved that much but Allah had blessed me with this.That was when I was sure my depression days were over. And to make things better,in a matter of days, Yusuf and Hamza bought that house and began working on it.We were going to have our own home with our small family. Our dreams werebecoming reality.

Chapter 76.Yusuf’s POV2When we bought the house, we began working on it straight away. I called thebuilder who I’d already talked to before we bought the house and he worked reallyquickly. It was hard to communicate with him because his English was kind of awfulbut after drawing everything out and somehow communicating, he did exactly whatwe wanted and he did it perfectly.2Within two months, we’d had nearly everything done and we were ready to movesome furniture in. Safia had picked everything out so I didn’t really need to do muchthere. I didn’t really care much for how the place looked as long as I had my spaceand my family with me.My mum’s house was only a five minutes’ drive away from this house so I could takethe children to see their grandma, uncle and aunt often. The walk was aroundtwenty minutes which would have been fine if it weren’t for my ankle which had itsdays when I couldn’t even walk for ten minutes without getting a pain.8The day we officially moved in was when we moved in the beds. The place was cleanbut still quite bland and Safia said she would decorate it later. I think she understoodhow I didn’t want to live with her family and day by day it was only getting harder.There really wasn’t enough space for me.“Safia, I told you to let Yusuf do this,” I heard Hamza say while I was feeding Mariaher bottled milk.“I got this! Now lift it higher.” I went from the end of the house to the stairs whereHamza and Safia had a huge sofa lodged on the stairs.“Safia, are you crazy? You’re fasting today too. Here, take Maria, I’ll help Hamza withthe sofa.” I tried to hide my amusement at how flustered and angry Safia looked.5“I’m fine! It’s Hamza who’s not lifting it properly.”“Let’s swap sides. I’m putting it down and you hold it so it doesn’t slide down.”“No, don’t let go yet. Safia, please take Maria. I know you’re more than capable ofdoing this but please let me do it. You’re fasting and you might get thirsty andhungry,” I pleaded. I had a bad feeling she might fall, or worse, the sofa might fall onher.

“No,” She said stubbornly. “Okay Hamza, I’m holding it, how are you going to comedown?” The sofa was sort of stuck in the door on the stairs. Maybe it would havebeen wiser to put that door there after we had everything Amy and Hamza needed,moved upstairs. Hamza held the little part above the door and jumped out, swinginglike a monkey. He landed beside Safia on his bottom and I didn’t hold back mylaughter.2“Smooth dude, that was real smooth,” I said as Hamza took the sofa, ignoring me.Safia climbed up the sofa to get to the other side of it.“Watch it Safia, you’re making it dirty,” Hamza complained.“It doesn’t matter. If it gets dirty, Amy will make you clean it. I’m here now and I’mlifting it up.” I watched as they struggled their way up the stairs. “We’re at a hardpart now. Pivot. Pivot! Pivot!” Safia started shouting.36“Stop making me laugh, I’m going to drop it,” Hamza replied and I just stared at themconfused. They made jokes which I failed to understand, let alone find funny.4Leaving them with the sofa, I went to put Maria’s empty milk bottle away and puther over my shoulder to burp her. She put her arms around my neck and fell asleep.Feeling relieved, I took her to the first bedroom and put her next to Adam who wassleeping with a pile of pillows around him. I felt relief wash through me. My armswere aching holding this chubby baby who just seemed to be getting chubbier bythe day.9I was about to leave when Safia walked into the room.“Maria’s asleep?” She asked and I nodded. “Yusuf, Adam’s scratching his cheekagain,” She said rushing to him. She grabbed his hand and he started squirming. “Hischeek’s gone so red now. Weren’t you looking? He could have made himself bleedagain.”“I’m sorry! I didn’t see.”“You should have.”1“I was putting Maria down. I missed it by accident.”“But Adam’s right next to her, how could you not see?” She asked shaking herhead.21“Well I’m sorry I’m not as observant as you,” I replied sulkily.

“You have kids now so you should be.”5“Will you stop making me feel like I don’t know anything about kids? You always dothis, you make yourself sound like an expert and make me feel like I’m a badfather.”13“When did I ever say you were a bad father?”“You don’t need to.”“I cannot believe we’re having this conversation,” She said, patting Adam so he’d goback to sleep.“You started it.”“You sound like a kid.”“See. You’re trying to say I’m a bad father.”“How did you get that from what I said? You’re not a bad father. You’re a goodunobservant father.” There was a moment of awkward silence. “I’m sorry if I madeyou feel bad.”“Okay.”“I guess I just sort of panic often when It comes to Adam and I take it out on you.”“Yeah, you’ve got to stop doing that,” I told her.“Okay, I will. I’m really sorry.” I knew what she was expecting so I walked over to herand sat down, holding her close. “Ooh, our first ever proper hug in our new home,”She said, her tone suddenly changing to a more upbeat one.3“Yeah, and you just ruined it.”1“I did not! You’re ruining it now.”1“I’m going to get Amy!” We heard Hamza say as he ran past the room and out thedoor, shutting it with a bang behind him.“Ooh we’re alone now,” I said and Safia replied,“And I’m fasting.” A husband and wife’s physical interaction was limited when onewas fasting.6

“Oh yeah. Only a few hours left. By the way, how many fasts do you have left tomake up?”1“Four more.” Safia was fasting for the days she missed during Ramadan when shewas pregnant with Adam and Maria. “How many days do you have off?” She asked,referring to my work.2“Only today and tomorrow.” Safia sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.“We didn’t sleep well again last night.”“When do we ever do?”“I’m taking a nap.”“Okay. I’ll just go and see if there’s anything that needs to be done.”“I was planning on having a nap with you, but okay.” Safia lay down next to thebabies and I kissed her forehead before walking away. I stopped for a moment andlooked back. These moments were rare now, where I’d hold her and softly kiss herforehead. We barely got any time to ourselves. I hoped now that we had our ownhouse, we would have much more time together, just the two of us.10I went around the house again. We decided to put up a wall between the living roomand the kitchen. There was a small bathroom next to the kitchen and a decent sizedback yard where I could imagine Adam and Maria playing.1I couldn’t believe everything was ready. We were moving in. We had half of ourclothes over and I needed to go to dad’s place to get the rest of my clothes. I wentto a half asleep Safia and told her I was going to get my things. There was no pointin delaying it.Sitting on the train, on my way to my dad’s flat, the one Safia and I used to live in, Iworked out how much I would need for a car and how long it would take me to saveup for one. I wasn’t going to share Hamza’s car, I needed my own for when I wentto work and other places.I got to my dad’s house and he opened the door looking cheerful. We greeted eachother and I saw he had redecorated the place. Everything actually matched andlooked a lot more pleasant than when Safia and I lived here.“I like what you done with the place,” I commented, looking around.

“Thank you. I didn’t touch your things. They’re still where you left them.” I went tothe drawer beneath the wardrobe which I cleared for my dad. I opened the drawerand all my clothes that I had left behind were stuffed there exactly like I had leftthem. I took them out and saw how they were all creased and crumpled.“They smell.”“Do you want me to wash them for you?”“No, I’ll wash them at home. There’s not that many.” I had a few thobes, some shirtsand a couple of jeans. “Do you have a bag? Dad gave me two carrier bags which Istuffed my clothes into.1“I made some food, stay a while.” I was going to protest when I remembered howdad was alone here. He liked it that way but he must have wanted some companyfrom time to time.“Sure.” I put my carrier bags down and sat, talking to dad until the next prayer. Javedunexpectedly turned up as we were getting ready to go to the mosque. I came outof the bathroom to see him seated. I asked if he wanted to pray with us and hereplied,“I don’t have my wudhu.”“That’s what a bathroom is for,” I said, pointing behind me.1“Come on Yusuf, we’re getting late.” I followed dad out. So Javed was reallybecoming distant from Islam again. I guess the scare he had from when he thoughthe had cancer wore off. But I couldn’t deny that there was an improvement. He nolonger argued with me or at least, annoyed me enough so I reacted and argued.8Once we were done, I went back to dad’s place to get my bags of clothes. Javed saidhe’d drop me home in his car and although I felt embarrassed, I agreed. I didn’t wantto be carrying two big bags on the train.The car journey on the way back was a pleasant one.“So, did you get anywhere with your plan of getting married? Found anyone?” Iasked Javed on the way home.

“No. All these girls are just too easy. And all the practicing ones are too religious andintimidating. I want something in the middle. Someone not too practicing but nottoo… What’s the word? Modernized? I mean, I don’t want a wife who’ll have loadsof guy friends and be too friendly with them and wear tiny clothes. I’m not lookingfor a trophy wife, that’s for sure.”2“Admit it, you want a girl who’ll love you and take care of you and be spoilt by you,”I said in a way which made Javed roll his eyes.“You don’t need to put it like that. It makes me sound like a cheesy person. I’m notyou.”“I’m not cheesy. I’m honest.”“Please be less honest then. I’m more comfortable if these things are said in somesort of code.”“Shall I try a different language?” I repeated what I said earlier but in Arabic.2“I’m really tempted to throw you out of the car,” Javed said, not taking his eyes offthe road.“I’d like to see you try,” I pulled on my seat belt to make it tighter.“Stop tempting me more,” Javed said with a smile and a shake of his head. “You’reannoying, you know that?”“Now you know how I feel around you.”“I’m not annoying!” Javed shouted, looking back and forth between me and theroad.“Have you forgotten how much you’ve annoyed me since the day I was born?” Iasked.“I’m not annoying, I’m funny.” He sounded like Hamza for a second.5“Yeah, I never found it funny.”“You’re lame, that’s why. You take everything too seriously.”“You don’t take anything seriously enough. Take a right here,” I directed him to myhouse. When we reached outside, I was about to leave when Javed stopped me.

“These things I say to you, you don’t really mind, do you?”“What? This joking around? No, I don’t mind but sometimes you go a bit far.”“Let me know when I do. I’ll stop.” I nodded, smiled and left his car. We coulddefinitely communicate a lot better now than ever before.5I went inside my new house and saw Safia was in the kitchen, holding Adam andmaking herself a sandwich.“Why are you holding him while making a sandwich now?”“Because it’s going to be Maghrib in an hour and I’m hungry so I thought I’ll make asandwich before Maria starts crying or something. And Adam keeps crying when Iput him down.”“I’ll order you some better food than a sandwich. Give Adam to me and just relax.”“Really? Okay!” She said happily.“By the way, haven’t Hamza and Amy returned yet?” I asked curiously.“Hamza texted me saying they’re out. I think they’re on a date to celebrate thehouse and stuff. I want to go on a date,” Safia said, turning to me. It struck me withan idea. I just shrugged in a careless way.“We’ll see.” My mind was forming some sort of vision of a date we could have. Ithought about how to put my plan in action. After a while, I figured it out. “Safia, I’vegot some things to do and I’d prefer if you kept Adam and Maria in the bedroom.”Safia agreed without asking about anything. She probably assumed my work wasgoing to involve dust or paint which wasn’t good for the babies.Once Safia was gone, I got to work. I cleaned the room and pulled the small diningtable into the center of the room. I put two chairs in the kitchen and left two chairson opposite sides of the table. Then I cleaned the table so it didn’t have any marks.I would have preferred if I had a table cloth, but I didn’t. I thought about going andgetting one, and some fancy drinks too, but decided against it when I rememberedSafia was only in the next room and I had to keep her there for an hour.9I had to improvise on a lot of things. I got a glass which we drank from and cut someflowers from the garden and put them in. I left that at the center of the table and itdidn’t look too bad. I heard Safia opening the door of her room and ran to whereshe was, blocking her view.

“What do you need?”2“I need to make Adam’s milk.”“You can’t leave them alone. I’ll do it,” I told her. I waited until Safia went back intothe room. I made Adam his milk and gave it to Safia. Then I ordered some food fromthe internet.I had nothing else to do after that. That was until I remembered we had the babies’high chairs in their boxes, waiting to be made. I got the boxes from the first bedroomwhich was the spare one. We were planning on using it for when the babies nappedlike earlier today.It took a while to make both but I found it fun. Once they were done, I put the highchairs on either side of the dining table and threw the boxes out, giving the room aclean again. Finally, the food arrived and I paid the man at the door. I brought thefood inside and set it in plates, making it look as nice as I could. I put the plates onthe table and left a small plate with dates in it for Safia too.23I was quite proud of what I had accomplished once I was finished. I snapped a pictureof it and saw that it was nearly time for Safia to break her fast. I went into thebedroom to call Safia out. She was playing with Adam and Maria, making them laugh.I picked Maria up and went into the living room.“For you, ma’am,” I said, stepping aside and watching Safia walk into the room.“That looks so cute!” She said, first looking shocked and then grinning.“Thank you. You like it?”“I love it! This can be a date!” She said, squealing.2“That’s the whole idea.” I put Maria in her high chair and Safia put Adam in his.“When did you put these together? This is so cool!”“Just now. You’ve got two minutes until you can break your fast.” I took Safia’s seatout for her and watched her sit down. I bent down and kissed her head. “Are youhappy now?”“More than happy.” She jumped out of her seat before I could walk away and threwher arms around me. “I love you! You’re the best.”

“I know. One minute left until your fast opens.” Safia sat back down, eager to eat.And eat she did. As soon as it was Maghrib, she began eating and didn’t stop untilher plate was empty.“That was so delicious. Thank you Yusuf,” She said, smiling gratefully.“And you were planning on having a sandwich.”“Maybe that would have been a better idea. I’m so full.”“I ordered dessert too,” I told her.“No, not yet. Let’s pray first and hopefully I’ll have space for dessert.” The mosquewas only down the road and I made it just in time to pray. Although there was asmall women’s side, Safia preferred to pray at home. When I got back, Safia wasfeeding the babies their baby food.4“Got any space for dessert?”“Not yet,” Safia replied. And we waited a whole hour until Safia said she could eatdessert. We continued our ‘date’ and ate chocolate cake. This time we spoke moreand laughed instead of concentrating on the food.9It was an amazing start to our new life in our new house. Things weren’t perfect. Mymother still disliked Safia, Javed wasn’t practicing Islam like I wished he was, Maryamwas still adamant on moving out and living on her own when she started universityand that had me worry about her, I got the impression Safia’s dad didn’t like memuch, especially with the lack of communication when I lived with him for so manymonths and Adam still had eczema.7But Safia and I were happy with each other and that was what was most important.We had a strong bond and we were raising our children together. Things were nevergoing to be perfect, but we were happy.

Chapter 77.Safia’s POV1I wanted to do something for Yusuf. Something big and major to show how much Iappreciated him. But I had no idea what to do. Yusuf was out with his old alim coursefriends which I never knew existed and I wanted him to come home to a nicesurprise. Amy had gone to see her dad so I couldn’t ask for her help. I was left withHamza.6“Dearest brother, I have a question. If you had the choice to receive any surprisefrom Amy, what would you choose?” I asked. Hamza didn’t even have to think beforereplying.1“Food followed by… Never mind.” There was a moment of awkwardness before Iasked,96“Anything else? Anything at all? Something that doesn’t involve food and… Nevermind.”39“Why do you want to know?” Hamza asked.2“I want to do something nice for Yusuf.”2“Well, you could get him a ticket to watch a football match. But you wouldn’t wantto go so you could get me one and I’ll go for you. How does that sound?”17“No,” I replied narrowing my eyes. “Ooh how about a poem!”1“Lame.”15“It’s not lame! It’s romantic. I can write a love poem.”7“Please don’t. Your writing’s awful.” He put his hands together and begged me notto write.1“I can type it and print it.”“I didn’t mean your handwriting although that’s awful too. I meant your poetry. Ionce read something you wrote in school about Romeo and Juliet, it was appalling.It was actually agonizing to read.” Hamza could be so dramatic.7“Okay, fine! No need to insult me that badly. And my writing can’t be that bad. I havea degree.”3

“Your essays are fine but when it comes to poetry and prose, you’re rubbish at it,”Hamza stated bluntly. “I should know. I have a degree in English.”3“Well, I do need my little flaws. I can’t be perfect.”“True. No need to worry, you have plenty of flaws to stop yourself from reachingperfection.”10“I got an idea! I can get Hafsa to help me!” I said ignoring him.2“So you’re sticking with the idea of giving him a poem? Oh dear. Want me to teachYusuf how to fake appreciation?” I sighed frustrated at Hamza.19“Well you’re not being any help so yes, I’m going to write a poem with the help ofHafsa. That’s final no matter how much you tease me.” I said getting up. “Drop me,Adam and Maria off to mum’s house, please.”4“Fine. I’ll just change my clothes and phone Amy to let her know I’m going.” Hamzawent up to his part of the house while I changed into an abaya and hijab. Hamzacame down and we put Adam and Maria into their car seats before I quickly wentaround the house to make sure the doors were locked and the windows were closedbefore we left.11When I got to mum’s house, Hafsa wasn’t there. I waited impatiently for a little whilebefore I got the twin buggy out of the boot of Hamza’s car and put Adam and Mariainto it. I went to Hafsa’s house and rang the doorbell. Hafsa’s youngest sister,Samiya, opened the door. We greeted each other and I asked for Hafsa. Samiya toldme she wanted to take care of the babies while I talked to Hafsa. I was hesitant atfirst but I saw Aunt Asma was there too. Reluctantly, I left Adam and Mariadownstairs and went to Hafsa’s room.Hafsa was sitting there with a book in one hand, a laptop on her lap and her phonein the other hand.10“You call this studying?” I asked, catching her staring intently on the screen of herphone.5“I’m taking a tiny break. You just caught me at the wrong time.” I sat next to her,taking the phone from her hand.12“So your tiny break is reading a story on Wattpad. Ah I miss my days reading forhours on Wattpad. I feel like I don’t get the time anymore.”64

“Sorry to hear that. Can I just finish this chapter? It’s intense.” Frowning, I handedthe phone back and sent Yusuf a text letting him know where I was. Then I beganplaying a game while lying across Hafsa’s bed. “Okay, I’m done.” Hafsa put her phoneaway.17“Good. Now then, I need your help. I want to write Yusuf a poem but my poetry’sawful. You’re good at that stuff so I need you to help me.”“Okay, but why are you writing a poem?”“To show my appreciation. I’ve been thinking lately, Yusuf’s put up with quite a lotand recently, I’ve been feeling like I owe him. He stuck with me through everything.He moved out to stay with me because dad told him to, then he tried his best tofinancially provide for me and then he was so supportive throughout my pregnancy.And he’s still so loving and caring after things went completely wrong after Adamand Maria were born. I’ve really not done much for him and I want to.”11“I don’t think Yusuf sees it that way. I mean, you were with him through his arthritis;you gave him hope when things were tough and you had hardly any money. I neveronce heard you complain about that whereas if any other woman was in a situationwhere she couldn’t buy a bar of chocolate, things would have been very different.You are a good wife Safia.”“I pray Yusuf thinks the same.”“He does, I’m sure of it. If we can all see it, then he must do too.” There was a smallsilence before I remembered why I was here.“I still want to write a poem. Where shall we start? I’ve thought of the first two lines.My husband you are, just like a star.” I put my hand over my heart to make it soundbetter.37“No!” Hafsa shook her head. “I think you need to leave the rhymes for now. Tell meabout your marriage to Yusuf, we’ll start from there. So Safia, what is marriage like?”Hafsa opened up a new word document on her laptop. I began saying anythingwhich came to my mind.

“I can’t tell you what marriage is like because everyone’s marriages are different.People are different which makes marriages different. Take my friend Layla forexample. By the way, she just had a baby girl! Anyway, she's always been the typeof girl that wants to be completely herself around people she loves. I'm not like that.I'm different with you than I am with Yusuf. I can pull faces in front of you but I reallycan't pull faces in front of Yusuf, that's embarrassing! And I’m still myself but I’mmore comfortable being different versions of myself. But Layla’s the opposite. Sheand Sufyaan are like best friends. She's quite... What's the word I'm looking for?Unfeminine? Yeah, I’ll go with that. So she can be quite unfeminine around him andhe's still crazy about her. If I sat like a man wearing sweats in front of Yusuf, like Layladoes in front of Sufyaan, Yusuf would probably frown at me and tell me in the nicestpossible way to at least sit properly.\" I thought about the scene and smiled to myself.He was so polite when he was serious.45\"There we go. Your mind's trailed off into la la land with Yusuf.\"\"It has not! As I was saying, people are different and relationships are different. So Ican’t define marriage as a universal thing. That’s my opinion anyway.\"1“None of this is helping with the poem, but it’s an interesting conversation so let’sjust carry on for now.” Hafsa said, putting her laptop aside. “I wonder sometimes,do you ever regret getting married early and have kids early? I wanted to ask youbefore but you were in a sensitive state.\"1\"Good question. The answer is definitely no. I have regrets, but the age I got marriedand had children is not any of them. Well, Yusuf and I didn't even plan any childrenany time soon. We were planning on waiting until I was twenty three and he wastwenty six. Well, that plan failed. But look where we are now! You see, we judgeevents as good or bad but the truth is, Allah knows its consequences and we don't.Every little thing that has happened, every bad thing and every good thing has ledme into this moment.\"3\"So you wouldn't change a thing?\"\"Nope. Well, I want to change some things I've said but... Actually that's a toughone.” I thought about it. I would have loved to go into the past and change thingsI’ve said and done. But if I had never said them or done them, I wouldn’t be in thishappy moment of my life right now. “I made mistakes that were sinful and wrong. Iask Allah to forgive me and I pray these mistakes don’t outweigh my good deeds onthe Day of Judgment. At the same time, I’m here because of them.”4

“So is that a yes or a no?”1“It isn’t as simple as yes or no. All I know is that this was the will of Allah, for me tobe where I am now. I’m in control of my actions so I pray I don’t do anything silly inthe future. But I believe Yusuf and I are now going stronger than ever. I have nodoubt that he loves me and that’s all I really wanted.”“We can put that in the poem! Come on Safia, think of a line,” Hafsa said and I beganthinking hard.5“Well, I always prayed that I be loved the way I am. Although, I did sometimes thinkI wouldn’t be so lucky. So you can write, I prayed to Allah that I get married… Whatrhymes with married?”“Buried? Sort of rhymes. Like a half rhyme.”“How romantic,” I said sarcastically. “I‘m stuck already.”“Okay, let me put a word at the end which has a nice word which rhymes with it.”Hafsa tapped her chin and then wrote down, I prayed with tears to Allah that I bemarried to a man,“I don’t think I did pray that I be married to a man because I always assumed whenI prayed about marriage, that I’m talking about a man,” I said, raising an eyebrow atthe sentence she wrote.21“That’s just the first line, it doesn’t mean the sentence is finished. Now we describethe man. Someone who loves you right? How about, who can love me with his wholeheart, so deep and true.”“That’s cute. And someone who loves Islam too. But what rhymes with man? Okay,I’m stuck again,” Poetry was hard! Hafsa sighed and wrote down another line withease. “And someone who loves Islam and the Qur’an.” I read out. “Hafsa, that’sgenius! And the fourth line can be, And Allah gave me you.”5“This sounds better.” Hafsa wrote down the next line. And Allah rewarded me withtons better because he gave me you.3“Aww that is so cute!” The next stanza wasn’t as easy but we managed. After that, Ifelt like the poem wasn’t from me so I said I’d attempt to write it. We decided towrite a sonnet which had fourteen lines. I wrote the third stanza, followed by thelast two lines. Hafsa went down to bring up an agitated Adam.

“Are you done?” She asked, bouncing Adam on her knee so he would stop crying.“Yes and it’ll have to do. I think Adam’s a little hungry. Let’s go downstairs so I canfeed him. You have bananas right?” Hafsa nodded and I saved the word documentbefore heading down.While feeding Adam and Maria and talking to everyone, I forgot about the poemuntil Hamza phoned telling me to get ready to go.“The poem! We need to print it!” I said panicking.“It’s okay, I’ll do it,” Hafsa said before running up the stairs. She returned shortlywith a paper in her hand, laughing.“What’s so funny?” I asked.“That poem is epic!” I didn’t want to think about what I wrote because I knew if Ithought about it too much, I’d end up throwing it away. And I worked too hard on itto throw it away.6Hamza came to get me and on the way home, I asked him to stop by at a shop withframes. I went inside and picked out a really cute frame to go with my poem. I boughtit and came back to the car. Once I was sat inside, I folded the edges of the paper soit would fit in the frame. After many adjustments, I managed to make it fit perfectly.I still refused to read over it.When I got home, Yusuf sent me a text asking where I was and telling me he’d behome in half an hour. I replied to him and started patting Adam to sleep. I didn’twant to put him to sleep because he kept us up at night. These past few nights hadbeen particularly bad but he was feeling really sleepy.The food was already made in the morning so it only needed to be heated up. Thehouse was clean so there really wasn’t much to do. It meant I could relax for a while.That relaxation got boring and I began to count the minutes until Yusuf came home.Once a full half an hour passed, I couldn’t keep myself from reading my poemanymore. I had to read over it just once. I picked it up and went through it.I prayed with tears to Allah that I be married to a man,1Who can love me with his whole heart, so deep and true,And someone who loves Islam and the Qur’an,

And Allah rewarded me with tons better because he gave me you.We haven’t led a fantasy and been happy all the time,We’ve had our moments of doubts and despair,But we came through it all and the results are sublime,Because I know I have a future which with you I will share.6You’re so freaking handsome and it makes me so happy,42Because now I like to show you off to the world,And you’re useful because you can change a nappy,20And you have a cute beard which is slightly curled.10I thank Allah every night at how blessed I am,To have a husband that’s even cuter than a lamb.115I cringed when I got to the end. The poem was going so well until I ended up havingcomplete control over it. Cuter than a lamb? What was I thinking?12“Asalamu’alaykum,” Yusuf said, appearing out of nowhere and making me jump.“Wa’alaykumsalaam,” I replied with a smile. Yusuf picked up Maria who was sittingnext to me playing with her toys.“What’s that?” Oh no, he’d seen it. Maybe I should make an excuse, call it trash andthrow it away. But I wanted to give Yusuf a nice surprise. This wasn’t what I hadplanned. Before I could talk myself out of it, I forced myself to hand the poem overto Yusuf.“This is for you,” I said biting my lip nervously. He took it with a questioning look.“I prayed with tears-“ He began.5

“Read it in your head!” I shouted. Yusuf cracked a little smile as if figuring out whatthis was. He continued reading. I rubbed my hands together waiting for him to finish.When he started chuckling, I knew he’d reached the part when I began writing onmy own. By the end of it, he threw back his head laughing.19“Cuter than a lamb?” He said, sitting next to me.10“Well excuse me for not being a poet. Don’t laugh, I tried my best.”“It’s perfect.” Yusuf put an arm around me and kissed my forehead. “So, you likeshowing me off to the world?”7“How long will I have to bear you quoting this poem to me?”11“A long, long time. It’s by far my favourite poem. I, your freaking handsomehusband, will display it here.” Yusuf put it on his bedside drawer.18“No, people might see it!”“Exactly. You know, forget your future as a teacher. You should just become a poet.”6“This is what I get for trying to be nice? You’re going to tease me now?” I pouted.Yusuf grinned and kissed me.6“I mean it when I say this is the best present I have ever received from anyone.”4“Well, as long as it made you happy. By the way, Maria’s fallen asleep in your lap.”He hadn’t even been holding her for two minutes and she had fallen asleep. Yusufpicked her up and carefully placed her next to sleeping Adam on the other side ofthe bed.I watched Yusuf stare at Adam and Maria sleep. Then his eyes turned towards meand he smiled with a hint of mischief in his eyes.17“Man who’s cuter than a lamb is hungry. I’m going to heat up some food, do youwant any?”20“If man who’s cuter than a lamb is bringing it then yes, I would like some food.” I laynext to babies waiting for Yusuf to come back with food.