A Muslim's Romantic Journey

“That’s life. We can’t do anything about it so don’t let it get to you.” We got off thebus and walked home.1“I wish I met your grandma. She sounds awesome.”“She was from what I can remember. And in’sha’allah we’ll all reunite in Jannah.”1“In’sha’allah.” I realized that I did give arrogant strangers too much value.3As long as I know I’m not doing anything wrong, I will not care about what peoplethink. It was easy to say but hard to do. Nonetheless, I was fully motivated to actupon it.

Chapter 49.Yusuf’s POV1I knew I was going to be thickly involved in this. Safia almost begged me toaccompany her to see Amy’s dad with Hamza.1“He’s so scary!” She said about Amy’s dad. “Please come. I need you there.”“Hamza’s going to be there.”“He’s a bigger wimp than me!” I chuckled.12“He’s not a wimp. Believe me, you’ll be fine.”“He’s a wimp around Amy so he’ll probably be a wimp around her dad. Please come,for me?” She said batting her eyelashes.“No, I don’t want too! There will be too many people!”2“As your wife, I demand you accompany me!”“You can’t demand me! But okay.” I said unwillingly giving in. “I’ll come.” She wasn’tgoing to stop until I gave in so I decided to just save us some time.9“Yay!” She screeched happily. “Just don’t tell Mr Faber that you’re related to Javedthough.”“What if he figures it out? Apparently we have some similarities.”“Not enough to figure it out. You both have brown hair, but his is darker.” Sheanalysed my face. “That’s about it. He looks like your mum and you look a bit likedad. He won’t be able to tell. I hope so anyway.”“Are you having second thoughts about me coming?” I asked hopefully.“No, you’re coming.” I sighed in defeat.4Safia found a day when all of us were free to go to Amy’s house. I really didn’tunderstand why I had to be there. But for Safia’s sake I was. Safia and I met up withHamza and he drove us to Amy’s house. He didn’t look so nervous. Safia, however,looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there.

We got to the house and Hamza stayed cool until we actually entered and he wasface to face with Amy. He dropped his head and wouldn’t lift his eyes off the floor.2“Dad will be down in a moment. Come through, my mum’s been waiting to meetyou. Even you, Yusuf.” She said and I followed her behind Safia. That was weird andflattering, Amy’s mum wanted to meet me. I didn’t think she even knew I existed.1We walked over to a bed which had a delicate figure lying down facing the window.Amy told us all to sit so we squashed ourselves on a nearby sofa. Amy took a chairout and put it near the bed.“Sit here Safia.” For some odd reason, Safia looked like she didn’t want to move. Shepractically forced herself to get up and sit on the chair Amy put out for her. “Ma,Safia, Yusuf and Hamza are here.” Amy said to her mum. Her mum said something Icouldn’t understand and Amy helped her turn to face us. “Safia, you introduce themand I’ll just go get my dad.” The discomfort was clear on Safia’s face and Amy gaveher an apologetic smile. This was outside of Safia’s comfort zone. Usually, she hadsomeone else do the talking for her.2“Mrs Faber, this is Hamza.” She said pointing to Hamza. “And that’s my husbandYusuf.” Then she became quiet. She didn’t know what to say as Mrs Faber couldn’trespond. Mrs Faber said something and Safia just stared back at her blankly. Thenshe smiled awkwardly.1Soon enough, Amy came in with a tray of drinks. She told us her dad was coming andSafia jumped out of her seat and sat next to me, squeezing my hand. Mr Faberentered the room and gave us a nod before taking the seat Safia was in.2“I’m assuming you’re Hamza.” He said to Hamza.“Yes sir, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said sticking his hand out for Mr Faber toshake. I don’t think anyone noticed how he quickly wiped his hands on his jeansbefore he held it up for a handshake. Mr Faber looked at his hand and for a moment,I thought he would ignore it. But he shook Hamza’s hand and then told him to havesome juice.1Surprisingly, Hamza was fine. He spoke to Mr Faber confidently and Mr Faberseemed to be almost warming to him. Then Mr Faber bluntly asked,“Who’s he?” Pointing at me.

“I’m… Safia’s husband.” Oh great, now I was the one stuttering. I knew I shouldn’thave come. This was so embarrassing. I knew Mr Faber was thinking, why is hehere?3“You look familiar.” Mr Faber narrowed his eyes at me. I didn’t look like my mum orJaved, but people somehow saw some weird resemblances between us. I’d evenbeen asked before if I was Javed’s identical twin. I really hoped Mr Faber wasn’t oneof those few people that saw those similarities which I couldn’t see.2“I do? You don’t look very familiar.” I replied.“Hmm. Do you have a brother?” My breathing hitched and I could feel Safia’s nailsdigging into my skin.3“Yes I do, why?”“Is his name Talha?” Thank Allah he didn’t say Javed.22“No.” I sincerely hoped he wouldn’t ask me for my brother’s name. Much to myrelief he didn’t. Instead, he turned back to Hamza.“So what do you see in my daughter?” Mr Faber asked directly and Amy slowly slidout of the room. I wanted to telepathically communicate with Hamza at thatmoment, and let him know it was a trick question. Mr Faber didn’t want answersthat sounded like they were coming from a hormonal teenage boy. He didn’t wantto hear ‘your daughter is beautiful.’5“To begin, I like how she has such solid faith. And I know that through how much I’veseen her and everything Safia says about her. I completely trust everything Safia hasto say about Amy.” He was doing well. I silently prayed he carried on with his sensibleanswers.“Right…” I don’t think that’s what Mr Faber expected to hear.“Also, she’s a strong woman and I know about some of her past experiences. Thoseexperiences, good and bad, have shaped her to become an admirable woman. I thinkshe would make a splendid wife and definitely a good mother in the future,in’sha’allah, if Allah wills it.” Hamza rubbed his hands together nervously waiting forMr Faber to respond.“So you want to marry my daughter because she’s religious, strong and will be agood mother?”

“There are obviously many other factors which have aided my decision. Ones thataren’t needed to be pointed out because we know of her kindness and caring naturewhich is being proved now by the way she’s taking care of her mother. And yourdaughter is beautiful.” Hearing that, I wondered if I was going to be going to awedding or a funeral. It was clear Mr Faber was kind of overprotective of Amy whenit suited him.18“You think she’s beautiful?”“From what I’ve seen, yes. And again, Safia told me she is. This decision was notbased merely on looks though. Another thing I wanted to say was, in Islam we’retaught that a husband should honour his wife and I feel your daughter deservesthat.” He was beginning to sound unsure now. He was sort of losing what his pointwas. I didn’t blame him. Safia was right; Mr Faber was an intimidating man.“So you believe that you can give Amy what she deserves?” Mr Faber asked.“Yes. Yes, I believe so.”“How do I know that you’re not lying? How can I be sure you’re not like the rest ofthem?”“Rest of whom?” I asked interrupting. I hoped he wasn’t saying anything againstMuslims.“Nothing.” Mr Faber replied but I was annoyed now.“If you meant Muslims, you should hope he is like them. Because the true Muslimsare the best husbands. We’re loyal to our wives and we love them and protect them.There’s a hadith which states, the best among you who are best to their wives.” Isaid trying to stay calm.2“He’s right. In fact, study that aspect of Islam yourself. You’ll see how a man isactually advised to be so loving and caring towards his wife. He should fulfill herneeds and that is how I plan to live by. If you don’t believe me because I’m Muslim,then go ahead. Keep your daughter single because she won’t marry a man ofanother faith only for you. But know that she won’t be happy and it will be yourfault.” I was wondering whether Mr Faber even cared. He kicked his daughter outonce, who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again.6“Don’t tell me how to be a father to my child.”3

“I don’t doubt your skills as a father.” Hamza said. “Maybe you are one of thereasons Amy is who she is today. But I’m pointing out the truth to you. If you wantto deny it and continue like this, know that you’re stubbornness is costing yourdaughter her happiness.” Mr Faber got up from his seat and left the room. Butbefore he completely went away, we heard him say to Amy,1“Do what you want. You want to marry him? Marry him. I don’t want anything to dowith it though.” Amy came in and took a seat far from us. He must have beenfrustrated at how he wasn’t able to refute us intelligently. I was quite proud ofHamza, and myself.4“I am so sorry.” Amy said shakily. “On behalf of my father, I apologize. If you don’twish to go any further with this, that’s fine. Mum and I understand, don’t we ma?”“Are you talking about not going ahead with the wedding? That’s nonsense! Right,Hamza?”“She’s right Amy. We’ll give you some more time to convince him. I’ll leave thechoice in your hands. If he doesn’t approve and you don’t want to marry without hisapproval then it’s okay. But if you would like to get married, then I’m ready for it.” Itsounded like Hamza just officially approved of Amy.“I’ll talk to him about it. In’sha’allah he’ll come around.” Amy was so hopeful. Itmarveled me how Amy was so considerate of what her dad’s thoughts after hekicked her out of his house. I was beginning to appreciate my parents who wantedme in the house rather than moving away. After a very long time, I was genuinelymissing my mum. No matter what she said about Safia and no matter how much shefavoured Javed, she had still done a lot for me.1We made some small talk before we finally left.“Wow, you didn’t even stutter!” Safia said as soon as we got into the car. “You didn’tmess up a single sentence and you got your name right! I’m proud of you brotherHamja.”21“Shut up Safia. I’m not in the mood. I’m frustrated at Amy’s dad.”“On the bright side, Amy said she wants to marry you. It sounds like it’s confirmed.”Safia beamed.

“Yeah. I guess you’re right. Yeah, I didn’t take too much notice of that. Hey, thatmeans I’m getting married!” He said, beaming back at Safia as it processed in hismind.“In’sha’allah.” I said to make an input, but my mind was elsewhere. I was still thinkingabout mum. I wanted to set things straight, make them okay. I didn’t know how. Ifelt torn. I could never be the son she wanted me to be, nor could I make her treatme equal to Javed. I tried so hard but I always failed. I was thinking about giving up.Mum was too set in her ways to change now. It was too late to change how she feltand acted towards me. It wasn’t so bad. It could have been a lot worse.Safia had so many parental figures in her life. Not only did she have her mum anddad but Uncle Yahya and Aunty Asma too. I hope she knew how lucky she was. Shedidn’t have to worry about her relationship with her parents. It was so easy for herto love them and be loved by them. I could only pray that one day I was able to havea similar relationship but I feared it may never be like that.

Chapter 50.Safia’s POVYusuf thought I couldn’t sense when he was thinking about something depressing.But I could. So that day when we came back from Amy’s house, I cheered him up inmy own charming ways.12I was already planning out Amy and Hamza’s wedding in my head even though it wasthem getting married and not me. It wasn’t even confirmed when the planning inmy head begun but it was confirmed now. I wasn’t there to see Hamza tell the wholefamily about his trip to Amy’s house which made me quite sad. I wanted to be there.But I did my part by passing messages through Amy and Hamza. I used Hamza’s trickand made a whatsapp group chat but it didn’t work too well because they both sentme messages separately beginning with ‘tell Amy’ or ‘tell Hamza.’10Thank Allah for that motivation I had earlier to do well in my degree. I had alreadyfinished my dissertation and I had completed the essays they had set so far. I onlyhad to submit them now. The year was coming to an end and that meant I had thewhole month off for Christmas. It was all spent with wedding preparations.Amy’s dad agreed to marriage. Well, sort of. Amy told me he said, in these exactwords,“You have my blessings if you want to marry that man but I will not attend yourwedding nor accept him as my son in law.” What sort of blessing was that? Amy alsoadded that he only gave in because Mrs Faber was so keen on Hamza. He may nothave agreed if Mrs Faber wasn’t so sick. Her speech was getting a little better butshe would have to attend the wedding in a wheelchair.8Due to her health, she asked Amy to hurry with the wedding. Amy said Mrs Faberwas scared of dying before she could see her daughter settle with Hamza. Amy gotreally annoyed with her mum for saying that. Mrs Faber had survived the stroke; shewas going to get better. But Amy gave in anyway. She also said she had her weddingcompletely planned out which meant that all my planning had gone to waste. It wasfun to daydream about it though.15I so badly wanted a flowing peach coloured dress! But I couldn’t afford it. Instead, Ibought a peach coloured fabric which had a beautiful dark peach lace design on anice lighter peach cloth. I was going to sew my dress.9

It had been a while since I sewed clothes. It became a hobby when I was in schooland I sewed many clothes for myself. But I grew out of that phase. I only hoped I wasstill able to sew clothes decently. I cut up the pieces of cloth using my favouriteabaya as an outline. I was going to make an abaya styled dress.7After a few days, I put all the pieces of cloth into a carrier bag and went to myparents’ house to use the sewing machine. I was of course questioned about why Iwouldn’t just buy a dress and I responded saying I couldn’t find one that was exactlyhow I liked. It was sort of true. I found one but it was sleeveless. There was another,but it was too tight around the waist.10Getting out the old sewing machine, I cleaned it up and sat down to sew. I tested itout first on some spare cloth, getting used to how it worked. When I felt like I couldsew a straight line, I began working.It took me hours but I finished it. The first time I tried it on, it was too long so I hadto cut it from the bottom. It was also way too loose so I tightened it a bit too, nottoo much so it showed my figure. Then it was too tight and I had to loosen it again.Finally, it fit okay.4“What do you think?” I said wearing it and walking to the living room whereeveryone was seated. Everyone spoke over each other giving me flatteringcompliments.1“Ooh, that’s nice! Sew me one!” Hafsa said.“Go sew yourself one.” I gave a little twirl and it flowed out. Not as much as I wantedto but enough to satisfy me.“I just remembered! I have a matching scarf with that.” Faiza told me. She had everycoloured scarf there was. She was the one who we turned to when we needed ascarf to match our outfit. “I’ll bring it when I’m bothered to get up and walk.” But Iwas becoming impatient again. I wanted to see the complete outfit with the scarf.4“Tell me where it is and I’ll take Zidan with me and go.” Zidan wasn’t a baby anymore.I found it crazy how on such a short space of time he grew so much. The chubbinessof his cheeks was going down as he grew taller and he could now run properlywithout falling over. I missed him as a baby. I missed having a baby to hold ingeneral.15

Faiza told me exactly where it was. It was the drawer where she kept all her scarves.It wouldn’t be too hard to find because she always had them folded neatly and inorder according to the colours. Dark ones on one side and light ones on the other. Ireached there and in no time, I found the scarf. I kept hold of Zidan’s hand so hewouldn’t go off and break something else. My trust in him had wavered when hebroke my phone. But I still loved him to bits.2I went back to my parents’ house and wore the scarf along with the dress.“Perfect! Now please sew me something similar!” Hafsa pleaded.“No! Go buy your own dress.” I was really pleased she was so insistent on having herdress sewn by me. It meant it turned out well. But I had too much going on to sewher dress too. It was a lot of hard work to sew only mine.3“It’s really a nice colour.” Faiza complimented.“Yeah, I want peaches now. Mum, do we have any peaches?” We didn’t have anypeaches so I changed to go out again, this time dragging my nephew Musa with meto the local supermarket for peaches. I didn’t get to spend any time with the kidsanymore, I missed them so much. We bought the peaches and when we got home,I didn’t wait to bite into one. I put a peach next to my dress. The colours didn’t evenmatch, the fruit was reddish yellowish and the dress was sort of faded pink.7“It doesn’t taste that good. Do you want the rest?” I asked holding it out to Hafsa.She shook her head and I held it out to mum. “Please take it, I don’t want it.” Mumate the rest of the bitten peach. Ever since I could remember, whenever I left food,I handed it to mum. She said it was more satisfying to eat something of good qualitythat would otherwise be thrown away. My mum and I both hated wasting food.30Stuffing the dress and scarf into a carrier bag, I got ready to head home. Hamza hadbeen at work all day and although I had fun with everyone else, I kind of missed him.I couldn’t believe he was actually getting married soon. My older brother wasgrowing up!12When I got home, I still had to wait for Yusuf. I couldn’t be bothered to cook so Ibrought some of mum’s food again. I don’t think Yusuf could tell the difference. Afterall, I did learn from mum. So I put the food away and put my dress on. The more Istared at it, the more I fell in love with it. It was perfect and so simple. There wereno irritating beads and sequins which sometimes left scratch marks. I couldn’t waitto show it to Yusuf!1











“Lower your gaze man!” I said disturbed by his behaviour. I was also a little relievedthat he wasn’t so adamant on getting Amy. Sometimes Javed would just set out toget something because he made up his mind and was too proud to change it.2“But she was cute. And she was checking me out too.”“You’re disgusting.” I said with a scowl and he just laughed it off.1“So I have absolutely no chance with Amy?” He asked and I could have sworn he wasattempting a puppy dog face.1“Sorry bro, that ship has sailed.”11“So what about Hafsa?” It really didn’t take him long to get from one girl to the next.9“No. No way. She’s around six years younger than you I think.”2“Age is just a number.” I could see Javed was now deliberately making me feeluncomfortable.17“Safia told me Hafsa doesn’t want to get married yet. When she does want to getmarried, it will preferably be to a man who hasn’t had as many girlfriends as you,probably none at all, and someone who doesn’t check out other women.”“Oh well, I tried.” He said finishing his tea. “Well I must be off. Remember, if you findanyone, let me know.”5“If it’s okay for me to advise you, I still think you have quite a few rooms forimprovement. If you want a righteous wife, you must be righteous yourself.”9“Whatever pious brother.” He said with sarcasm that I didn’t appreciate. “I’ll see youlater.”2“Wait! I’m going too.” Again, I hadn’t bought anything for myself. Picking up my bagI left. We said salaam to each other and parted ways.Seeing as I still had some time before I had to get back to work, I decided to phoneSafia. We had recently made a little joke about terms of endearment. She found ithilariously cheesy and although I thought they were okay, we both began using themas a joke. I dialed her number and waited.1

“Aslamu’alaykum babe.” I said as soon as she picked up. She had something againstthat specific word and I found that funny. There was laughter on the other end andit wasn’t Safia’s.45“Oh my gosh! He calls you babe?” I heard someone say.1“Give me the phone.” That was definitely Safia. I could recognize her voiceanywhere. There was something distinctive about it.“Who was that?” I asked feeling extremely embarrassed.2“Don’t worry, it was just Hafsa. So babe, what’s up.”7“I hate that word too now.” She giggled.5“Join the club babe.”2“Stop calling me that!”“But it’s a term of endearment, dear.” The laughter was clear in her voice.“Whatever honey.”“So why did you call, darling?”“Just to listen to your voice, sweetheart.”“Aww, you’re such a sweetie pie!”9“Anything for my little angel.”43“Are you cringing as much as I am?” She asked and I burst out laughing in the middleof the road.14“Probably more.”“Shall we stop now?”“I think so.” We spoke a little more. I asked what she was doing and she asked aboutexactly when I would get home. I felt so happy for the rest of the day. I liked thepositive effect Safia had on me.

Chapter 52.Safia’s POV“Wake up! Wake up! Hamza and Amy are getting married!” I said to Yusuf as soonas I woke up and remembered what day it was.5“Okay, I’m awake now. You can stop shaking me.”“I don’t think I was this excited for my own wedding! Have you noticed that sinceI’ve been married, I’ve been finding it easier to wake up earlier?” I asked thinkingabout how I was refusing to wake up early on my own wedding day.“I don’t know. I never knew you before we got married.”13“Oh yeah!” I sometimes forgot that I only met Yusuf less than a year ago. I felt likeI’d known him my entire life.With great enthusiasm, I pushed the blanket off me, only to wrap it around me again.It was so cold. Yusuf sat up rubbing his eyes and face. He checked the time.“It’s 10 o’clock! That’s not early.”14“Earlier than when I used to wake up.” I said and wrapped my night gown aroundme, forcing myself to get out of bed.2Once we were ready, we didn’t waste any time going to my parents’ house. All of usgirls were going to meet there and get dressed up. Yusuf wore his thobe and thatwas it, he was ready. And he looked good. When we arrived at my parents’ house, Ifelt so thrilled that I was Yusuf’s wife. It was one of those days where he was justlooking much more handsome than usual. Maybe it was because life was nowgetting much better. We were finding the ease after the hardship. That wasphysically evident from Yusuf’s glow.10The men were all downstairs and the women were upstairs getting ready. It waschaotic but I found it strangely peaceful.“Hafsa! Where did you put my mascara?” Aisha shouted to Hafsa who was in thenext room.4

“I wasn’t using it!” She shouted back. Maybe peaceful wasn’t the right word. But Iwas just so happy that we were all together on this special occasion. I went into eachroom saying salaam to everyone. There were girls getting ready in my old roomwhich was taken over by Zayna, in Aisha’s room and even in Amaan’s room. The onlydoor that was closed was mum’s. We had a third floor with one large room whereAisha used to sleep during her visits before but the rooms were swapped withHamza so Hamza and Amy could have their privacy as a new married couple.1Hamza was close to getting a house of his own but because of Mrs Faber’s health,they were getting married before he could get one. For this reason, Amy had tomove in with our family. Everyone was more than happy to have her move in withthem.“Where’s the bride?” I asked no one in particular.“I texted her, she said she’s on her way.” Hafsa told me. I thought my wedding wassort of simple. We hired a hall for the purpose of space, it wasn’t decoratedextravagantly. But this wedding was the true definition of simple. The wholewedding was going to take place at home for the girls and at the mosque for theguys. Amy hadn’t even hired anyone for makeup and hair. She was going to do herown make up and Faiza was going to do her hair.10I delayed getting dressed up even though everyone kept asking me to. There was nopoint. The wedding was in the evening after Isha because Isha finished so early. Itwould be a hassle to pray all my prayers while dressed up. Instead, I went aroundhelping everyone else by ironing clothes or maybe fixing their makeup.When Amy came, I ran outside and we crashed into each other with a hug.“You’re getting married!” I squealed. She just smiled before she pushed Mrs Faber’swheelchair into the house. Mum and Aunty Asma were downstairs so we took MrsFaber to them. They welcomed her and Amy asked if it was okay for her to leave andgo upstairs. They all said in unison that it was fine. I noticed Mrs Faber’s speech wasmuch better.We went upstairs and everyone greeted Amy. Nearly everyone was ready now. I leftthem to go and pray in my parents’ room. When I returned, everyone was just sattogether laughing. The sight warmed my heart. It was one of those special momentsI wanted to last forever. Amy had taken her abaya and hijab off and sat in asweatshirt and jogging bottoms.4

“Oh Amy! You look so beautiful! Every bit the perfect bride!” I said and Amy replied,“And look at you! Such a gorgeous maid of honour!” I was removing my abaya toreveal my pyjamas. Well, I was going to change out of them later and they weresuper comfortable. I also had an abaya on top so it didn’t matter much.1“I know right! I feel like I’m outshining the bride here.”“I think so too.” Then Amy got out all her makeup from her bag. “Can somebodypass me a mirror please?” I did so while everyone began their own conversations asAmy applied some makeup on herself. I sat next to her and stared as she put ondifferent products.“How do you keep your hands so steady? I find it impossible.” Amy looked over atme and then said excitedly,“Let me finish mine and then I’ll do yours, okay?”“I can’t let you do mine, you’re the bride!”“Those are just stupid made up rules. I want to do your make up.” Amy, for someodd reason, loved doing my makeup. Apparently I had the eyes for it. I didn’t reallyknow what that meant.1After Asr, everyone kept pushing me to get ready. So finally, I redid my wudhu andput my dress on. By now, Faiza had finished with Amy’s hair.“Time for me to do your makeup!” Amy said. I preferred Amy as a makeup artist.She didn’t tell me off for moving like that woman on my wedding day. I observed myface once I was done.1“Hey, I look good! If I may say so myself.” Well it was a drastic improvement.“You do, masha’allah.” Amy complimented. “It’s my makeup skills. They’reawesome.”“I would deny it but I really can’t. I like how my eyes look.” I said. It was subtle tooso my face didn’t feel so heavy.“Can I do your hair?” Faiza asked.“I’m going to wear my scarf. There’s no point.”1

“Oh come on, it’s just girls.” Giving in, I let her do my hair. Then I was completelyready. We all prayed Maghrib and then sat down together.“Time to get into the wedding mood! Wedding nasheeds!” Hafsa said getting outthe iPad.“Does it have to be wedding nasheeds? Can’t we do any other nice ones?” I asked,internally groaning. I had my set of nasheeds I liked. I didn’t like trying out any newones.10“It’s not your wedding, you don’t get to dictate. Amy, you’re okay with weddingnasheeds aren’t you?” Amy nodded. I narrowed my eyes at her and she just smiledback with fake innocence. The first few nasheeds were okay. They weren’t to mytaste. “Time for Maher Zain!”9“No, please. My ears are ringing.” I moaned. I heard one of his nasheeds and itsounded like a pop song. I couldn’t find the meaning in it. Ignoring me, Hafsa put ona nasheed called ‘Barak’allah.’ It was lyrics only, which I preferred. Listening to thewords, I found it so sweet!47“Play it again!” I said after it finished. It recited the du’a for the married couple. Iquickly learnt the words and with it, the du’a. “Why didn’t I play that on wedding?Why didn’t you play it on my wedding Hafsa?”4“Safia, I was this close to playing it but then you started whining about how youwanted to listen to Dawud Wharnsbey.” Hafsa said.7“Why do you even listen to me? This would have been the perfect nasheed for mywedding. Oh I’m imagining it now! The time Yusuf and I first met as husband andwife. It should have been playing in the background! I want to marry Yusuf again!” Isaid losing myself in the most amazing daydream. It was a mixture of that memoryand my imagination. I was meeting Yusuf for the first time with that nasheed playingin the background and Yusuf wearing the white thobe that he was wearing today.3Nobody even bothered to break me out of that daydream. When I looked around,Amy was missing. She came back into the room, her makeup washed off.“What happened?” I asked concerned.

“I had to go toilet, therefore I had to do my wudhu again for Isha.” She wiped herface with a tissue and began applying makeup again. Makeup was a hassle, I don’tunderstand why girls, me included, enjoyed wearing it. Well, it did make us feelprettier. But there were exceptions like my cousin Samiya who hated makeup.39When we all finished praying Isha, Amy finally put her bridal dress on. It was soexciting. We all left my old room for Amy to get ready. She told us when we couldcome in and when we did, we all gasped. She looked amazingly stunning! I may havebeen an emotional girl, but never had I gotten teary over a bride.“You look so beautiful masha’allah!” I said giving her a light hug.3“Thank you.” She said, looking at herself in the mirror. “I want to show my mum.”This was a job for the maid in honour. That meant me. I nodded and put my hijab onagain. I went downstairs and called Yusuf out. All the men were in the living roomand dining room.“Wow, look at you! Gorgeous masha’allah!” He said when he saw me. It was one ofthose moments when I couldn’t help but blush. Ignoring his compliment, I told himwhat needed to be done.“You need to get all the men in the living room and close the door. Make sure noone leaves because Amy’s going to go to the kitchen and meet her mum. She’s notwearing her hijab and make sure no man can see her. We can’t take her mumupstairs because of the wheelchair. So let everyone know and stay inside the roomuntil I tell you it’s okay to come out. Understood?”“Yes sir.” He said. I went back up and five minutes later, I received a text from Yusufsaying Amy could come down now. She did and headed to the kitchen to see hermum. When Mrs Faber saw her, she began to cry. Amy and Mrs Faber hugged oneanother and I had to walk out of the kitchen to stop myself from crying. When Amycame out a little while after me, she was wiping away her tears.7“You go. I’ll be up in a second.” I said. Amy went and when I was satisfied she couldn’tbe seen, I knocked on the door and told the guys she was gone.It wasn’t much later when Amy’s friends started arriving and the room was evenmore packed. Then it was time for Amy to get married. She put her hijab and abayaon and we went to the next room with Hafsa and Faiza only. Uncle Yahya came asher wali (guardian) and before I knew it, Amy was married.3

This time, I couldn’t hold my tears in. I let myself cry and I hugged Amy. She beganto console me and I laughed through my tears.3“I’m happy! Why are you comforting me?” I said. I had no idea why I was soemotional.2A while later, we received a phone call telling us Amy was officially married. Amywas finally married to my brother. It was later in the evening when I saw them standtogether for the first time. They were so perfect. When Amy was away talking to herfriends, I got a moment to sneak over to Hamza.“Congratulations! How do you feel?”“I can’t describe it to you. She’s so hilarious, not to mention absolutely stunning!”He said looking over at her admirably.5“Did you stutter when you were alone for the first time today?”1“A little. You can’t blame me.” I grinned at him, about to make a teasing commentwhen he spoke up. “I owe you for this. Seriously Safia, you’ve been the most amazingsister. You’ve been like an older sister rather than my younger one at times. You’vehelped me stay on the right path and now you found me the perfect wife. As muchas I annoy you, you should know that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”Oh here came the tears again! What is it with everyone making me cry?37I was so happy that when they served the food, I couldn’t even eat. My brother andmy best friend were married! And I helped!

Chapter 53.Yusuf’s POVIt was a small wedding. So small that my family weren’t even invited. Or maybe therewas a different reason for that. Overall I enjoyed it though. I gave Hamza a little peptalk when I got a chance to speak to him.3“In my experience, what a woman wants most is to be cherished. Everyone’sdifferent but I think women would like if their husband was head over heels forthem. Not that I need to tell you, you’re already heads over heels for Amy.”1“No I’m not!” Hamza said, but I could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced himself.6“Sure.” I said sarcastically, and then continued. “From how Safia goes on and onabout Amy, she sounds like a very different girl to Safia and, according to Safia, she’sdifferent most girls. So don’t go to her thinking you know her. Learn about her alittle. Having expectations and thinking you know what a person is like can bedangerous. Imagine getting married thinking, this person is so simple and innocent,only to find out they’re actually smart and cunning. It can cause problems becauseyou already had an image of them which is being shattered.”3“I hope you’re not speaking from experience.”“I’m not talking about my experience with Safia. But just people in general. Youconvince yourself they’re a certain way and they go and shatter the image you hadof them.” Before, I was giving general advice, but slowly my mind was turning backto my mum. Regardless of anything that had happened before I got married, I wasreally convinced that my mum was not capable of being the reason for some of theseproblems in my life. I didn’t like the same thoughts whirling through my mind all thetime but I couldn’t seem to shake them.“I know. I don’t know how married life will be but I’ll try my best to make sure she’shappy. She deserves it after everything she’s been through.” I had faith that this wasgoing to be a good marriage. I prayed that they stayed together in Jannah too.1A week or so later, I went to see my family. Maryam was really happy for Amy andHamza even though she barely knew them. She kept asking me for the details of thewedding. I didn’t even know what she wanted me to tell her.4“They got married, we ate food. What more do you want to know?” I asked, fed up.4

“How did the bride look?”“Pretty I guess... I don’t know. I was trying not to look at her. My wife was presentyou know.”1“Oh so you would have looked at her if Safia wasn’t there?” She asked covering hermouth as if she was shocked.“No! Allah is always present. I don’t lower my gaze for my wife, I do it for my Lord.”1“Ooh look at you Mr I-am-so-pious.”“Well excuse me for trying to follow my religion. Have you got a problem with that?”That made her shut up. I loved winning these little arguments.4I had come to the conclusion that I could never completely fix things with mum. Icould only fulfill my duties as a son. But that mother and son relationship Javed andmum had, I wouldn’t be able to achieve that. As much as it bugged me before, I wascoming to terms with it. Somehow, after I’d spent nearly my whole life craving forit, Allah was giving me strength to deal with it.I bought mum a little present to make her happy. It was earrings because mum lovedjewelry. I knew I shouldn’t have been spending money but it was half price and itreminded me of mum. I had shown it to Safia and she thought it was a wonderfulidea and gave me a little gift bag to put it in. I gave it to mum feeling like an excitedchild.“Aww, they’re pretty.” She said taking it out of the bag. “Javed, didn’t you get meones similar to these? But those were gold ones. And it was real gold wasn’t it? Ohthey were beautiful with those little crystals.”63“I can’t afford that mum.” I said sighing. I was disheartened but I should haveexpected this.“I know, I’m just saying. They’re pretty though.” She said putting them back in thebag. For the first time ever, Javed spoke up in my defense.“Mum, Yusuf’s got hardly any money at the moment. He has a house to run and ajob which doesn’t pay too well. Show some more appreciation.”21“I did! I said they were pretty, what more do you want me to say?”

“You hug me every time I get you something. Why don’t you hug Yusuf too?” Icouldn’t believe what I was hearing. My brother was actually trying to help me. Thesame Javed who I had spent my life envying and somewhat disliking was now tellingmy mum to hug me and appreciate me. It was mind blowing!14“Fine.” Mum huffed. She came and gave me a hug. “Happy now?” She asked Javed.2“Better.”“And you?” She asked me. I just nodded, still in amazement at the scene that tookplace in front of me.When I went home that day, I couldn’t wait to tell Safia what happened. I had fixedmy relationship with Javed. I was on good terms with dad and Maryam. Only mumwas left now but I wondered if this change in Javed would rub off on mum too. Ihoped so.14I went to Safia’s house later to see how Hamza was doing. The entire atmosphere ofthe place had changed. Everyone was so happy. When Safia got married, it wasdifferent because they had to say goodbye to her. But now Amy was living with themand everyone was so delighted to welcome someone new.I said my salaam to everyone and sat next to Hamza. His joy could be felt by everyonearound him. I’d never seen him so happy.7“So, Hamja, how has married life been so far?”9“Don’t you start calling me that! But yeah, it’s been great. She gets on with everyonereally well. She goes home to see her mum every day. I went once with her but dadwasn’t too happy about it. He kept murmuring things under his breath and once Iwas out of earshot, he told Amy he didn’t want me to come to his house. Amy toldme later.” I felt so bad for him.“He’ll come around in’sha’allah.”“To be honest, I couldn’t care less if he accepted me or not. But I don’t like that Amyhas to go through this.” I didn’t know what to say so I just sat quietly until someonecalled me and started discussing some Islamic matters with me. This family askedme loads of Islamic questions but I didn’t mind. In fact I enjoyed it.

When we went home, Safia was quiet the whole journey. She was replying to mebut there was something on her mind. All her answers were as short as she couldmake them. I didn’t waste any time to confront her when we reached home.“Now don’t hide anything from me and tell me you’re fine. There’s something you’rethinking about and you’re going to tell me.” I said once she was sat down.“Okay.” She mumbled. She took a breath and loosened her hijab. I was becomingvery concerned. I sat down next to her, taking her in my arms.1“Is everything okay?”“I don’t know. It’s been three weeks since…”27“Since?”“But it can’t be.” She sounded like she was talking to herself.3“What can’t be?”“I haven’t been puking or anything.”15“Do you mean three weeks since you were due your monthly gift from mothernature?” I asked, now slowly understanding where Safia was going with this.22“Yeah. I spoke to Hafsa and Amy about it today.”“Well? What did they say?” I asked.“I denied it, telling them it’s nothing. But they went and bought me a pregnancy testanyway.” My heart started beating louder.2“Did you take it?” Is that why she was acting like this?“Not yet. It’s in my bag.” I pushed her back lightly.“What are you waiting for? Go take the test!”4“I’m scared!”“Of what?”“What if I am pregnant? What are we going to do? I don’t want to raise a child here.And we don’t have enough to feed another mouth. I’m so scared Yusuf.” She saidgripping my arm.9

“If you are, it’ll be okay. We’ll work something out, don’t worry, Allah won’t burdenus with more than we can bear. And this baby, if there is one, will be the best thingever. Imagine Safia, a mini version of you. Or maybe even a mini version of me. Thenyou’ll finally know how I look without a beard. Not nice, I tell you.” Safia cracked asmall smile.35“I’ve seen your pictures before you beardy days. Yeah, you look much better withfacial hair!” I smiled widely back at her and kissed her head.“Now go and check. Will we be having a small person joining us soon?” Safia tookthe test out of her bag and went to the bathroom. While I waited, I wonderedwhether I was ready to be a father. I was nearly 24, so I was definitely at a suitableage in my opinion. Times were tough but I sort of longed to hold a child of my own.If Safia was pregnant, by the time the baby would come, I would have finished myplumbing course and I’d hopefully be earning enough for all three of us.Safia came out with the test in her hand.“I’m not pregnant. I read the instructions before. If the line stays like a minus sign,I’m not pregnant. If it turns into a cross, I am pregnant.” I couldn’t believe it so justto make sure, I took the test out of her hand.1“Safia, this has a cross.”13“What?!”“You didn’t wait long enough for the results. Safia, we’re having a baby. We’re goingto be parents!” I said then I dropped the test and hugged Safia, squeezing her.“We’re going to be parents!” I said, grinning from ear to ear. I was going to be afather!

Chapter 54.Safia’s POVI was going to be a mother. Was I ready for this? Was it all real? Yusuf was holdingme and I buried my face into his chest. But we were both quite young. I was still inuniversity and he hadn’t finished his training. Well if we were so young, why did weget married?These questions were stupid. Yes, we were kind of young but I wanted to getmarried. I was completely ready for it. I knew life wasn’t going to be some sort offairytale. I sometimes found myself rolling my eyes at people who were older thanme talking about their expectations for marriage. I sometimes thought to myself,what if they were in my situation? The kind of people they were, they would haverun a thousand miles!1I once went to a lecture and there were women from all ages. Before the lecturestarted, everyone was talking about marriage. I was around 18 at the time and therewere a few girls much older than me. I think they were in their mid-twenties. Theyall spoke about how they wanted to live independently with their religious husbandin a big spacious house. They expected him to be handsome and fit with differentcoloured eyes and a six pack. It was like they were describing some perfect characterfrom an Islamic Wattpad novel.108Some of those women claimed they liked damaged bad boys! Their taste in guysreminded me of Javed. He wasn't damaged, but he did give off a bad boy vibe whichI personally found quite unattractive.1Even at that age I thought to myself, no wonder they’re not married yet! Not that Ihad any right to judge. But I couldn’t help it. Judging was in the human nature. Wehad to use ration and reason to understand that things may not have been the waywe perceived them. I understood then that not everything was about age. It wasabout a person’s mind. That’s when I was determined that I was ready.Pulling back from Yusuf, I looked up at him. There wasn’t any regret. I wanted to getmarried and I did to someone who I loved with my whole heart. I didn’t care aboutwhere we lived and what we had. None of that mattered to me. We were happy.And now there was going to be someone joining us in’sha’allah. I hoped everythingwent okay. It all happened by Allah’s will. He had a plan for us; I just had to trustHim.

“You and I are having a baby.” Yusuf said again.8“I know.” I smiled widely. “Imagine tiny little hands and feet.”10“And a cute little nose and chubby cheeks.”“I hope it’s chubby. So chubby that it gets those cute dimples on its elbows andknees.” I said thinking of Zidan when he was a baby.“Babies get dimples on their elbows and knees?” Yusuf asked.“You really haven’t seen many babies have you?”“There was Maryam but I was around 8 and I have to admit, I cared more aboutfootball than I did about her. That was until she was a toddler and started liking me.”“Well I hope you don’t like football more than our children.”1“We’ll see.” He said, his eyes shining brighter than ever. Then they dimmed a littleas he put his hand over my stomach. “I sometimes think about this but I don’t talkabout it much. I’m not going to be able to play with my kids properly. I’ve alwayswanted to teach my son how to play football and run around in the park with mykids. You know, be like a friend or a fun dad. But I might not be able to do that. Myankle’s constantly sore and when I walk a little further than usual, it gets worse.Sometimes, much worse.”19“You’re worrying too much. When that time comes, we’ll see then. Let’s just praythat the time does come when our kids will be running around.”“In’sha’allah.” He said and I repeated after him. Then something struck my mindagain, properly this time.“I’m still in uni! Oh no! What am I going to do? I can’t drop out now! Yusuf, what amI going to do?”“It’ll be okay.” He said pushing a strand of hair away from my face. “Look, its Januarynow. Your exams will be in May. That’s four months. You can finish uni in’sha’allah.It won’t be as easy but it isn’t that bad.” I took a deep breath to calm myself.“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”“Now, do you want to tell your family?”

“No. Not yet. I want to confirm it properly from the doctors.” I was still doubtful. Iwasn’t puking or anything! I was a little more emotional than usual but maybe that’sbecause Hamza got married to Amy and everything was going good again.3So that’s what I did. I booked an appointment with the doctors to confirm it. It tookaround a week to get the appointment. A nurse checked me and told me I wasdefinitely having a baby. Yusuf was with me. The nurse told me the baby was thesize of a sesame seed and I couldn’t help but say,7“Aww! That’s so cute!” The nurse laughed while Yusuf just gave me a weird look.11It was then time to break the news to my family. Yusuf and I went straight from thehospital to my parents’ house. I was going to tell my mum first. I dragged mum intothe dining room and closed the door.“I have something to tell you!” I sang.“You’re pregnant.” My mum said and my jaw dropped.3“How did you know?”“I can tell. I knew it before Amy and Hafsa even told me what you discussed withthem. I had a dream.” She said. “My father came and gave me sweets telling me Iwas going to hear some good news very soon.” Her father had passed away longago. I gave my mum a hug and couldn’t help but feel teary again. My mum held ontome. “And don’t you think I’d be able to notice with the way you’ve been acting. Youwere crying every two minutes at Hamza and Amy’s wedding.”6“I wasn’t crying that much.” I said, sniffing. When I took a step back, I saw that mumwas crying too. “Are you sure you’re not having a baby too mum?” I said laughingand mum jokingly pushed me.3“Have some shame.” She said and I hugged her again. “You’ve grown up so fast. Itfeels like yesterday when I first held you and you had the largest nose I’d ever seenon a baby.”28“I was premature! And I grew into it didn’t I?”“Yes you did. And then you kept growing right in front of my eyes. Now I’m about tosee you have a child of your own in’sha’allah. Time just flies.” I wiped away mum’stears.1“I better go and tell Hafsa and Amy now.” I said and mum nodded.

I waited for Hafsa to come and then when she arrived, I dragged her into the diningroom with Amy.“So we were right?” Amy asked.“Is our Safia with child?” Hafsa asked Amy.“It’s the size of a sesame seed!” I told them and they squealed crashing into me witha hug. “Wait, watch the baby!”“Believe me, it doesn’t make a difference.” Amy said.“But why don’t I have morning sickness? I feel nauseas from time to time but Ithought that was because it’s cold and you were getting married to Hamza. I haveto add the ‘to Hamza’ part. It was double the feelings for me. I also suspected I mighthave caught that bug again that I caught a few months ago from Yusuf.”2“Not everyone has morning sickness you know! You should be grateful.” Amy toldme.3“You’re right. I thank Allah I don’t have to suffer that.” I said, mumbling‘alhamdulillah’ under my breath.“You might get it later though. Remember when Aisha was having Musa. Hersickness started a few weeks later.” Hafsa reminded me.“I hope I don’t get that. She couldn’t keep anything down!” I said, shuddering at thememory.“That’s why mothers have such a high status in Islam.” Amy repeated what wealready knew but from time to time, we needed to hear it again. “It’s not just thesuper painful birth. It’s everything around it. From the sickness, back pains andsleepless nights before the child is born, to the back pains, sleepless nights and fulldevotion of time and energy after the baby is born.”10“I feel lucky that I’m going to a mother in’sha’allah. It’s painful and exhausting butits sure earns a lot of reward.” I said stroking my stomach tenderly. “It’ll be my baby,my responsibility. It will grow up to love me, hopefully, like the way I love mum. I cando everything my own way. I can be its best friend and raise it how I want. It’s scarybut it’s so beautiful. I’m feeling emotional again.”1

“Oh please, I’m going to be the one puking now.” Hafsa said ruining the moment.When I looked up at her, I could see she was covering up how she was feeling withher jokey comment. Amy heard Hamza’s voice as he entered the house and ran off.“If I have a girl, I really hope she somehow ends up looking like you.” I would lovefor my daughter to look like Hafsa.“Thanks, but I hope she looks like you. By the way, I’m so happy for you I can’t evenbegin to explain. It feels like I’m the one having the baby, that’s how happy I am.”Hafsa wasn’t one to say many sweet things so the words coming from her meant alot.8“Thank you.” We hugged each other again.As usual, news spread like wildfire in the house. Some people had actually guessedI was pregnant. One by one, people congratulated me personally. A few minutesbefore I was going to go, Hamza called me away from everyone.“Is there something you want to tell me?” He asked.“Did someone say something?”“Well this one beautiful woman gave me some news but I wanted to confirm it.”17“Aww, are you talking about Amy?”“Nope. Mum. But is it true?” I nodded shyly. For the first time, I couldn’t speak toHamza properly. I could speak to him about anything but this was a little out of mycomfort zone. “I’m going to be an uncle again?” I nodded again. Then he gave me ahug.15Hamza gave me a hug!36It was an awkward hug and I found it so strange! But it made me cry again. Hamzanever ever hugged me. I didn’t even hug him back. I just stood there quite shocked.“If it’s a boy, I hope it’s cute like me.” He said. Instead of replying, I just smiled, gavea little nod and walked away.19Dad quickly approached me and congratulated me. He kissed my head but he didn’tsay much. Then he walked Yusuf and me to the door.“Take care of her Yusuf.” He said and Yusuf assured him he would.2

I didn’t care what anyone else thought now. I was happy, Yusuf was happy and myfamily was happy. I was ready for this baby.

Chapter 55.Yusuf’s POVIt was time to tell my mother. I had no idea how she would react. Deep down, Ihoped and sort of expected this news to make everything magically better. Myfamily wasn’t like Safia’s. We didn’t speak about these things so openly. I wasn’teven sure if Maryam knew what pregnancy was. She probably did but I’d never reallyspoke about these things with her properly.7I was waiting for some time to pass before I broke the news to mum. With everypassing moment, my excitement and anticipation for her reaction grew. When Icouldn’t take it anymore, I took mum to the side and told her.“Safia and I are having a baby.” I played with my fingers nervously, waiting for her tosay something.“You mean she’s…?” She rubbed her stomach and I grinned, nodding. “Oh.” Shelooked like she got lost in some thoughts.“Mum?”“I’m going to be a grandmother.” She finally said.“Yeah!”“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.” Mum looked like she was in a state of awe. I felt itwas a good thing. But just to confirm, I asked,“How do you feel?”“Old,” She replied. I felt my excitement die down as it always did when I told mumsomething good. “But I’m quite pleased with that news. I haven’t held a little childin ages. Now there will be a child who will be my flesh and blood.” She smiled toherself and I beamed at her.4“So you’re happy?”“Of course! When is it due?”“We’re only five or six weeks in yet. In’sha’allah it will be in our arms aroundSeptember.”9

“I’ve got to tell everyone. At least Safia’s good for something!” I wanted to say, she’sgood for a lot of things but I restrained myself from doing so. I didn’t want to ruinthis rare happy moment I was sharing with mum.10“Who do you mean by everyone?”“Javed, Suleiman, Maryam and maybe some of my friends.”“I’d prefer if you didn’t tell any of your friends yet. I want to keep it in the family fornow.” Although mum looked disappointed, she nodded understandingly.As expected, a few minutes later, Maryam came running into the room. She stoodin front of me hopping from foot to foot.“Congratulations?” She was obviously wondering whether this was something wecould discuss. And I could tell she was desperate to talk about it.1“Thank you.” I said, not knowing what to reply.“Erm… How’s Safia?”“She’s doing well alhamdulillah. She’s a little emotional but that’s about it.”“Have you seen it yet?” She asked eagerly.“How on earth am I going to see it?”“Ultrasound?”“Maryam! You’re like 6 years old. How do you know that stuff?” We had a big agedifference so I always saw her as a kid.30“I’m 16! Of course I know that stuff. I learnt it on school!” She said defensively.“Well you can discuss this with Safia. I don’t want to talk about this with you.” I knewthere was no harm in it but it just felt weird. It was scary seeing Maryam growingup. I wanted to play pranks on her and listen to her boring stories about her friends.Not have a conversation about my unborn child. “Just for the record, we have anappointment in about two months. We can see it then.”“I can’t wait!” She said skipping away.The encounter with Javed was even more awkward. He came, congratulated me andthen made a rude joke.

“Your wife’s going to go fat soon.” Javed teased.44“I don’t care. For now, she’s just getting more and more beautiful. It’s weird.”“Or maybe your eyesight is getting weaker.”10“Or maybe you’re just getting uglier.” I didn’t know what else to say to him.1“Yep, your eyesight’s definitely getting weaker. I have a friend who’s an optician.Want me to book an appointment?”3“I have a friend who’s a plastic surgeon. Would you like me to book anappointment?” I felt proud of my comeback.60“One, you’re lying. Most your friends are people you say hi to at the mosque. Two,plastic surgery for no reason is haraam. And you’re supposed to be the religiousone.” He said, shaking his head sadly.28“I never claimed myself as the religious one. On a serious note though, she does lookprettier now.”“Are you really a man? Are you sure you’re not a woman under that beard?” Javedwouldn’t understand. But I prayed that he would one day when he had a wife of hisown.2“Yes, I’m a woman. That is why I have a wife who I’m praising in her absence.” I saidsarcastically.2“That’s likely since they’re changing the laws so a woman and woman can marry.” Igave him a blank look before I got up.61“Must go home now.” I needed to escape this uncomfortable conversation withJaved.“Wait until dad gets home.” I sat back down. It wasn’t long before dad came. Mumtold him the good news. Dad disappeared and a little while later, he came back. Hetook me aside and took out a load of cash from his pocket.7

“This is for my future grandchild, not you. You can’t reject.” I pushed his hand andopened my mouth in protest but he spoke before I could say anything. “Please Yusuf.Take this. It’s not for you. Take it so it will make me feel better. I want to dosomething for my family but I can’t think of anything else to do. This is all I can thinkof.” He looked so sad so I took the money. For so long I blamed my dad for how mymum was but my view as changing now. Dad looked so helpless. There was only somuch he could do.4“This means a lot to me, jazak’allah. May Allah reward you for this.” I said, feelinggenuinely grateful.“In’sha’allah he will, in the form of a grandchild.” He may have looked calm, but hiseyes showed how thrilled he was by this bit of news.“In’sha’allah.” I repeated. I left after that and headed toward Safia’s parents’ house.3I didn’t stop there for long. I just entered and said salaam to everyone. Hamza wasn’thome so I sat for a while, talking to Safia’s younger brother, Amaan. I noticed he hadlost weight since I first saw him. His voice was deeper too. And he’d had a growthspurt. The boy was growing up. Time was flying.It was then that I remembered mine and Safia’s one year anniversary. It was aroundthe time of our baby’s scan. Things were changing rapidly. A year ago, I would neverhave thought I’d be where I was now.1Snapping away from my thoughts, I told Safia to get ready to leave. She put her hijabon and we left.While we were sitting on the bus, Safia began complaining.“I think I ate too much or something. I feel sick.”“Maybe it’s because of… You know…” She shook her head.“No, don’t say that! It’s not morning sickness. Please don’t tell me I’m going to sufferlike this for the next nine months.”“It’s eight now.”“Eight sounds longer than nine.” I felt so sorry for her.7“Isn’t morning sickness in the morning?” I asked.9

“Please don’t tell me you’re serious. You can’t be that clueless.” I put my head downin embarrassment.4“I guess no one told me.”“Morning sickness can be any time of the day.”6“Why is it called morning sickness?”“Because it’s more likely to be in the morning but it’s not specifically for the morningonly. Aisha was vomiting all day every day when she was having Zidan. You’re soinnocent, Yusuf.” She said amused. But then she looked away, covering her mouthwith her hand. She really was feeling sick. She kept a brave face on. When it gotreally bad, she told me not to talk to her. In silence, we reached home.Immediately, she ran to the bathroom. It sounded horrible.4“Safia, are you okay?” I asked, standing at the door. She didn’t respond andcontinued making sounds I didn’t want to be hearing. I wanted to help, but I didn’tknow what to do. After a while, she brushed her teeth and came out.“I feel like all my insides have been shaken. I definitely ate too much I think. Mumkept feeding me food. My stomach couldn’t handle it. My body got used to smallportions and fasting.” I always told her to eat more. I used to divide the food intotwo equal portions for us to eat but she’d leave half of her food and give it to me,threatening me that she’d throw it away if I didn’t eat it.“If you had listened to me before, this wouldn’t have been happening.” I said andSafia groaned as she sat next to me.“Well, at that time, I didn’t know I was going to be expecting a baby so soon.” I putmy arm around her.“I know you hate it when I say this, but you’ve gone so skinny.” I said feeling herbones. I missed the time when Safia had a little bit more weigh on her.“I am not skinny!” She was one of the very few girls I knew, even though I didn’tknow many, who didn’t take that as a compliment. It wasn’t intended as acompliment either.“What do you want to eat? I’ll go make you something.” I offered.

“I feel empty but I’m too scared to eat. I don’t want to go through that again. Pleasedon’t let me go through that again.”“Is it that bad?”“It’s really bad.”“Well… Let me make food for my little one then. What would he or she like to eat?”I asked getting up.“He or she is not hungry at the moment, I hope. It can wait a little longer.”“What sort of mother are you? You should put your child’s needs before yours.Seriously, please eat something.”1“No.” She moaned.After a long argument, I finally convinced Safia to have one piece of toast with onlybutter spread on it. When she finished, I took out the money dad had given me. Ihanded it to her.“Dad gave me this for the baby. You take it and buy supplies or whatever.”“Oh, thank you. Why am I thanking you? I should thank him.” Taking out her phone,she dialed my dad’s number and thanked him. I stared at her admirably as she spoketo my dad. She hung up and stretched out on the sofa, leaning into me.4“You’re so beautiful.” I said stroking her hair. It was amazing how her condition wasmaking her glow.“Oh please, I feel like a mess.”“You certainly don’t look it.” I couldn’t see her face, but I could feel her smiling.I was kind of right. This baby was bringing my family and me closer. For the first time,my mother gave me a reaction I had wanted. I prayed this baby would bring them,specifically my mum, closer to Safia too. Or maybe things would take a turn for theworst like how they usually did. I couldn’t be too hopeful. I tried to prepare myselffor what was to come. But there was only so much one could prepare forcircumstances which were never thought of.

Chapter 56.Safia’s POV3The morning sickness was getting worse and worse. It was so hard to try and keepanything down. Yusuf didn’t make it much easier for me. He kept forcing food downmy throat. I know he was being thoughtful and he was thinking of our child but itwas annoying. And I’d end up puking out most of what I ate.Sometimes I’d puke on an empty stomach. That meant that all that would come outwas bile. It was gross. I hadn’t even become a mother yet but I was already startingto feel indebted to my mum. Did she have to go through all this too? Not only her,but all mothers!2However, my sickness got better when I was at university. I thought of it as Allahmaking my life a little easier. It was sort of like a miracle to me. I hadn’t told any ofmy classmates about my pregnancy, but a few people had said I seemed different.Two months after I found out the news that I was having a baby, it was time for myultrasound. For the first time, I was going to see an image of my child! Yusuf wasreally excited about it too.8The wait in the waiting room felt even longer than the last two months. Finally theycalled us in.“I can’t wait to see it! If you don’t mind me asking, when can we know the gender?”I asked the nurse. I was a lot more chatty than usual. It must have been my eagernessto see my baby.14“That will be in another couple of months I think.” She replied. Then she told me tolie down on a bed. She went through a process which included some cold gel beingapplied where the baby was.5The nurse was talking to me but I was spacing out, staring at the screen, waiting toget a glimpse of my child. An image came but it was all blurred. Trying to work outwhat was on the screen, I hadn’t realized the sound I was hearing. It was my child’sheartbeat.“Yusuf! Do you hear that?” I gripped his hand.

“It sounds weird.” He replied. It kind of did. Why was it irregular and so fast? Then aclearer image came up in the screen. I stopped talking and stared at it in awe,ignoring what the nurse was saying. But then I caught the words ‘congratulations’and ‘twins’ and suddenly, nothing else the nurse said made any sense.73I was having twins?8“I’ll leave you alone for a moment.” The nurse said, exiting the room. When she left,I looked over at Yusuf whose mouth was hanging wide as he stared at the screen.“Twins.” He said. He stared harder at the screen. “How can she even tell?”“Never mind that, how on earth are we having twins? Isn’t there like a twin genethat runs through a family to get twins. I haven’t got any twins in my family.” I asked,starting to make out the images on the screen.5“I’m pretty sure that’s a myth. Besides, didn’t you once tell me your mum had auntswho were twins?”2“Oh yeah.” I looked back at the screen. “That’s a head! That’s definitely one of theirheads! Then that’s probably a hand or something.” I pointed to different parts of theimage.2“And there’s the other one. I’m pretty sure. The thing that looks like a peanut,” Yusufsaid making me giggle.3“I’m having twins.” I couldn’t believe it.2“We are having twins.” He corrected.1“No, I am. You’re not the one suffering like I am and you’re not the one that has togo through labour. Therefore, only I’m the one having the twins.”28“That’s not fair! I’m not completely useless. After all, I had something to do with thattoo.” He said, pointing to the image of our babies. There was a knock on the doorbefore the nurse entered again. She gave us some information and told us about ournext appointment. I wasn’t listening properly. I was too busy thinking about therebeing two children. I’m sure Yusuf was listening for me.22Then we got a picture of our two peanut looking babies! I wanted to wave themaround and show everyone but instead, I sensibly put it into my bag.21

We thanked the nurse and left the hospital. I was so happy about the twins untilreality sunk in. We were living in a tiny little place with just about enough money toget us by. I was going to leave work when the babies came so there would only beone income. And now, there would be two more mouths to feed.5What sort of life was that going to be for the children? No, I couldn’t let them growup in poverty. I could borrow money from my family, even if Yusuf disliked the idea.Even then, it wouldn’t be enough for a house to raise two children. My familyweren’t so rich. They were just an average family.“So there are going to be two.” Yusuf didn’t look so thrilled.“Aren’t you happy about that?”“It’s going to be hard.” He admitted. He was probably thinking the same thing as me.“I’m just shocked more than anything. But I feel like everything’s getting moreexciting now. There’s going to be two.” His face was slowly transforming into anexpression of glee. Yusuf’s joy comforted me and gave me joy too. We had our faithin Allah, things would get better.16We got to the bus stop and Yusuf went into the first bus that came.“Why on earth are you getting in that bus?” I asked. Yusuf pulled me by my handand dragged me in. “This doesn’t take us home.” Yusuf didn’t say anything as hetapped his travel card and took a seat. “Are you kidnapping me?” I whispered.6“Maybe. I’m taking you somewhere, it’s a surprise.”2“What for?”1“It’s a surprise.”“I asked what it’s for, not what it is.”“It’s a surprise.”“Will you stop saying that?” I asked getting irritated.“It’s a surprise.” Why was annoying someone so enjoyable? I ignored him after that.When he got bored of my silence, he told me, “It’s for our anniversary.”“It’s our anniversary?” I wasn’t so good with dates.“No, that’s in four days. By the looks of it, you’ve forgotten the date.”

“No I haven’t. It’s on the 25th of February.”9“You just worked that out now. I saw you counting on your fingers.” Why did he haveto be so observant?6“Why are you taking me somewhere today then?”“Because we’re already out. And I’m in the mood.”1A few stops later, we got off. Yusuf and I went to the nearest mosque to pray first. Iwas grateful they had a side for the sisters, not enough mosques did. When we weredone, Yusuf took me to a dessert shop and told me to choose what I liked.1“No, I’m going to feel sick.” I wanted something but I was afraid I won’t be able tokeep it down.“She’ll have a Kinder Bueno milkshake please.” Well that sounded really nice. I knowI said I didn’t want anything but I took a sip as soon as the milkshake came into myhands. It tasted amazing.18“That’s my treat?” I asked. “I’m satisfied with it but we didn’t have to come all thisway.” There were plenty of dessert shops around home.“Just follow me.” I wrapped my coat around myself tighter and walked with Yusuf,talking and occasionally sipping on my milkshake. He led us to the entrance of a park.I guessed it was a park because of the playground.1“This is nice,” I said, although we had a park not so far from us. But when we walkedfurther inside, I understood why he brought me here. There was a playground, butfurther down, it was a farm!“Look! A horse!” I said, spotting one in the distance. “And cows!” I was about to runforward when Yusuf stopped me.“I advise you to finish your milkshake. It might be a little smelly.” I went to theplayground and sat down on a bench. While I loved animals, they did sometimessmell. Waiting for me to finish my milkshake, Yusuf and I talked about everythingand nothing. Yusuf put his arm around my shoulder and as expected, theconversation turned towards the twins.

“I want to hold them already,” I said, taking out the picture and staring at it. “If Ihave any more of this, I’m going to be sick. Finish it please.” I said handing Yusuf themilkshake. I knew he was going to ask me to have a little more so before he could, Isaid, “Finish it or it’s going in the bin.” He took it.“The sound of their heartbeats was magical.” So Yusuf felt the same way I did. “If it’stwo daughters, we’re naming them Maria and Yusra right?”9“Yeah. And if it’s two sons, I want your mum to choose a name.” Yusuf’s eyessnapped towards me in surprise.“Why?”“Because she’ll be their grandma. No matter how bad our relationship is, I don’twant it to affect how she is with them. I want her to know that, so I want her tochoose our son’s name. That’s if we have one. The other reason is that I haven’treally chosen a name. Besides, she did a good job naming you.”17“Actually dad named me. Mum named Javed. Javed named Maryam.” I felt a tiny bitembarrassed having made a false assumption. Time to change the topic.1“I don’t mean to rush you, but can you drink that a little faster please?” I pointed atthe milkshake.“Let me enjoy it at my own pace.” Five long minutes later, the empty cup was throwninto the bin, which meant it was time to see the animals!We went to see each animal and I took my time analyzing each one. There weresome I was allowed to feed and stroke. It was so much fun! We had to rush throughseeing the last few animals because the next prayer was coming up. We went to thatsame mosque to pray again. Then we left to go home.1“This was one of the best days ever!” I said when we entered through the door toour home.“Really? Better than our wedding? Better than our days in Turkey?”“I said one of the best days, so it’s alongside those days. Today, we saw our childrenfor the first time and then we had milkshake and went to see a bunch of animals. Itwas perfect.” Before Yusuf even fully got his jacket off, I gave him a tight hug. “You’rethe best.”

“I know.” He said, not being able to move and hug me back as his arms were stuckin his sleeves that were half way down. When I let go, He let his jacket fall to theground and he hugged me properly, placing a kiss on my forehead.3Even though we were delighted with having twins, deep down, we were bothworried. Were these children going to be a blessing, or a test? Or maybe both.

Chapter 57.Yusuf’s POV2It was after Safia fell asleep that night that I stayed awake and let myself really thinkabout the twins. They would be born around the time I finished my training. But thenit would take me time to join a plumbing agency and settle with a solid job that paidwell. Then I’d have to save up for the future so I could buy a house. All of that whilesupporting my wife and two children.1It wasn’t only the finance that worried me. I wondered how Safia would take care ofboth the babies on her own. If there wasn’t a problem between Safia and my mum,Safia would have a lot of help. I could have moved back and it would have beeneasier for Safia to take care of them. I wanted to do as much as I could but I’d be atwork all day. But I believed Safia would be fine. How difficult could raising childrenreally be?40I know Safia’s family would be willing to help. They were all too nice. Whenever Safiamentioned her family could help, it made me drown in guilt. I married Safia with theintention of taking good care of her and making sure she had no worries. Instead,here I was, causing nearly all of her worries.2I really had to stop feeling sorry for myself. As I usually did in these situations, I satup from on my bed and raised my hands to make a supplication, asking Allah to makethings easy. I asked Allah to help me financially and help me be the best husband Icould be right now. I also prayed that my children were born healthy and that I couldbe a good father to them. I prayed I could give them a good upbringing and that theygrow up not feeling deprived of anything.7I lay down again and turned back to Safia who was fast asleep. I put my hand overhers, feeling grateful for her existence. She slid her hand away from mine before shehugged my whole arm as if she was a child holding her teddy. If only she knew howmuch strength she gave me. I could never be able to explain it to her in words.Somewhere in the midst of these thoughts I fell asleep.3

I woke up the next morning and went to work as usual. I was going to meet Javedagain too. I was still frustrated at his behaviour from when he found out about theSafia’s pregnancy. He didn’t know about the twins yet, no one did. Safia and I bothwanted to tell our families in person. Safia and I agreed that we would visit ourfamilies in the evening to tell them. I wasn’t going to accompany Safia and it upsetme a little. I wanted to be there when she told her parents and the others. I wantedto see their reaction as much as I wanted to see my family’s reaction. Unlike myparents, Safia’s didn’t disappoint. They were a lot more supportive.Javed told me he would pick me up from work in his car. He was late but he came tomy workplace, as promised.“Asalamu’alaykum,” I said getting in.“Wa’alaykumsalaam,” He mumbled, turning the engine on. There was an awkwardsilence. I thought we were getting over this awkward phase. I guess I was wrong.“What’s up with all this?” I asked.“What?”“Picking me up in your car. I could have taken the train.”“I needed to talk to you.” I could never get used to that phrase coming out of hismouth. I waited for him to continue. “I wanted to apologise for what I said to youthat day. I know, it was two months ago and my apology’s really late but I’ve beenfeeling a bit bad. You’ve also been sulking around me.”1“I have not been sulking!”“The point is, I’m sorry. I was just joking. I forgot what a girl you are.”8“Great apology,” I said sarcastically.“Thank you. I thought so too.” He struck up another conversation and soon, I foundthat I had forgiven him. It was going to take time for him to change completely.We got to the house and I settled down before telling my family the good news. Itwent by pleasant. I asked my mum if she wanted to see Safia. Surprisingly sheagreed, but only after the babies were born. I took that as being one step closer touniting them again.

Of course, when I went to see Safia, her family was over the moon! They allcongratulated me. Uncle Dawud was quiet and only said a couple of words like hedid last time.“Is everything okay?” I actually wanted to ask, did I do anything wrong? He was afrightening father in law due to his overprotectiveness for his daughter.3“I worry for Safia. She’s still so young, how will she cope with this responsibility. Tobe honest with you, I didn’t want her to get married yet. I was strongly against it butYahya convinced me she was ready. I know you take care of her. I know because Ican see she’s happy. That’s why I haven’t said anything. I just… I want to bring herhome.”1“She has a home with me. If she’s happy then what’s the problem? Safia’s changed,she’s much stronger now. She’ll cope just fine in’sha’allah. I’m with her all the way;she just needs your support and prayers.” He nodded slowly, trying to comprehendwhat I was saying.5“Do you need any help?” Well it was about time he asked. I denied any help though.He was already doing enough with the little pocket money he was giving Safia. Itwasn’t enough to make a big difference with our situation, nonetheless I appreciatedhis help. I couldn’t expect much from Uncle Dawud as he had a whole household totake care of.3Not long after we found out about the twins, I received some bad news. It wasirrational, but I was angry at Javed for this. No, it wasn’t that irrational. He told meto leave my last job and because of him I was here.I was told the company was closing down. That meant I was going to lose my job. Ata sensitive time like this, I was going to become jobless.10I sat down in the storage room behind the shop with my head in my hands. Thiscouldn’t be happening. My wife was pregnant with twins. We were nearly poor andnow I had lost my job. My most important role was to take care of my family, whichmeant being able to provide for them. Just when things were getting slightly better,they came crashing down again.I should have expected this. It always happened. Life would get better and thenthings would go completely wrong again. Fury built up inside of me. This wasn’t fair.It wasn’t fair on Safia!

All her problems, every single one of them was because of me! I, the man who wassupposed to be her husband, was the cause of her worries. I got up from my chairand threw an empty box against the wall. Some things fell from the shelf. I realizedif anything broke, I’d have to pay for it.2Slumping back down into my chair, I tried to control my anger. Shutting my eyestightly and putting my hand over my ears, I prayed whatever du’as and surahs(Qur’anic chapters) that came into mind. In Arabic, I recited the following phraseover and over, ‘I seek refuge with Allah from Shaytan, the outcast.’ The Prophet saidthis sentence would relax a man. Anger came from Shaytan so I had to pray for Allahto protect me from the cause of this anger. It took a while but finally, I calmed down.I let myself open my eyes. A colleague of mine stood in front of me.8“Are you okay?” She enquired. I looked down at my hands and shook my head. Shewent away and came back shortly after with my manager.“You don’t look well. You can go home if you want to. We have enough staff coveringfor today.” I thanked him and went to get my jacket.On the way home, I willed myself to keep calm and optimistic. I couldn’t show Safiahow I felt. It would only make her stress and that wasn’t good for our babies. Ithought about how I would tell her without making her feel bad.When I got home, she wasn’t there. I remembered she was at university and felt myfrustration rise again. I needed her now! I checked the time. It would be three hoursbefore she returned. I restrained my urge to punch something. Instead I drank aglass of water and lay down hoping that my anger would subside.I still felt restless so I got up to make wudhu. The prophet stated, ‘Anger comes fromthe devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; sowhen one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.’ After I finished, I feltmuch better.16I sat down again and this time, I tried to think clearly. I had to control my emotionsbetter instead of letting them control me. Allah gave me this power, I had to use it.Taking a deep breath, I thought about what to say and what to do.In the end, I decided I would make dinner for Safia. I would tell her how everythingwas fine. I would point out all the positives in life and make her feel satisfied nomatter what sort of issues we were facing.