A Muslim's Romantic Journey

“I’m sorry but your daughter-““Mum, not another word about her.” I said before my mum said anything to makeeverything worse.“About time you speak up.” Hamza murmured.21“I’m only pointing out that their daughter is not the one you should have married.She has no class, no charisma-“2“Mum stop! Please!” I begged. But Uncle Dawud was already offended.“What do you mean my daughter has no class or charisma? My daughter is one of akind! No other girl can even compare to her.”6“Not even Hafsa?” Mum looked at Uncle Yahya challengingly.3“Hafsa and Safia are equals to me. I love them both and I will not stand anyone sayinganything against them.”8“Either way, she doesn’t belong in this family.”2“She doesn’t deserve this stupid family anyway!” Hamza shouted.4“We’re stupid? Look at you lot! There’s a hundred of you, can’t even tell who’s who!”Javed said.36“Hamza, stop.” Uncle Yahya said.“There are 16 of us and we still function better than the five of you!”46“Good, then go back to your perfect family and take your sister with you. We don’tneed her here.”“Time for Taraweeh!” I quickly shouted. I didn’t even know what time it was. I justwanted everyone to be quiet. I looked up at the clock and saw there were still 15minutes. “Better get there early so we can be in the front rows.” My eyes were onUncle Yahya, hoping he’d help me. He seemed like the most sensible one in theroom.5“I say we discuss this after Ramadan.” He said and I felt relieved. Uncle Dawud, UncleYahya, Hamza and I got up to leave for the masjid.3“You coming?” I asked Javed. He just looked at me blankly. “Of course not.”29

When we got outside, I was walking behind the three of them.“Hamza.” I whispered. He paused for a second so I could catch up to him.“What?” He said, obviously still unhappy with me.1“How is she?”1“Safia? How do you think? I fear she’s going mad, she says some of the weirdestthings. She stays in her room most of the day. She hasn’t had a proper meal sinceshe’s come and judging by the bags under her eyes, I don’t think she sleeps either.I’ve never seen her like this before.” I thought my heart couldn’t break more buthearing that, it did. My Safia was suffering and it was my fault. “To be fair, you lookterrible too.”22“I feel worse.” Much like Safia, I hadn’t been eating or sleeping properly either.“When you go home, tell Safia I’ll try and make everything okay.”“How? Because let me just tell you, I am not letting her stay in that house of yours.”“I don’t know.” I couldn’t leave home just yet, I didn’t have the money. But I neededto be with Safia. “I have no idea what I’m going to do.”34---Author's Note:1I reached a MILLION reads! Crazy right?18And for that I want to thank you all sooooooooooooooooo much! Yes you, readingthis. I appreciate it very much! Thank you! I honestly do wish I could hug all you sistersand say thank you to each individual person. Brothers, I give you a grateful nod ofmy head and a thank you.

Chapter 34.Safia’s POV4I tried to stop dad, Uncle Yahya and Hamza from leaving but they wouldn’t listen. Isat down pulling my hijab over my face as if it would help me hide from my problems.“Hafsa, Faiza, you both go upstairs where Samiya, Zayna and Amaan are with Musaand Sara.”“But-“ Hafsa began to protest.“Hafsa. I said go.’ Hafsa and Faiza reluctantly left the room. Mum, Aunty Asma andAisha remained. There was Zidan too but of course he didn’t understand anything. Iwas envious of how simple life was for him. If only I could be a baby or a toddleragain, I thought to myself.“Safia, Yusuf may have made a mistake but so did you.” Were they going to makeme feel guilty even though I was already drowning in tons of guilt? “You shouldn’thave spoken to him in that way. But it looks like you already know that.” I took myhijab off my face and nodded.“What are they going to say to him?” I asked weakly.“Don’t worry.” Aunty Asma said. “I’m sure they have it under control. Yahya won’tlet anything get out of hand.” She spoke of her husband so fondly.15“Did you ever have any problems?” I asked her.“Yahya and I had our little ups and downs. How do I explain it? Marriage and love issort of like a drug. It has its extreme highs and extreme lows.” That sounded veryrelatable. I was having a very extreme low right now.8“Did you have any extreme lows?”“Of course, that’s unfortunately life. But the important thing is we got through it.”“Will Yusuf and I get through it?” Aunty Asma looked at me thoughtfully. Why wasn’tshe saying yes right away?

“I don’t want to get your hopes up because this isn’t a normal issue. This is differentfrom the things couples usually fight about.” My heart, my stomach, my throat andmy head had weird painful feeling which swirled even stronger as Aunty Asmadoubted mine and Yusuf’s reconciliation. It made me sick. “But I pray that you doget through this. Remember to pray at iftar time every day of Ramadan Safia. That’swhen your prayers are more likely to get accepted.”11“Thank you.” I said. We made small talk as we patiently waited for the guys to comehome. Zidan started to cry while Aisha just stared at him for a while. Every Ramadansince Aisha and Tariq got their own house; she came around after iftar everydaywhile Tariq went to the mosque for Taraweeh.6“I’ve been picking him up all day, I’m so tired. Could you hold him Safia? Please?”Aisha asked. I was now noticing how Aisha always used this excuse and gave him tosomeone else to hold. Or she would say she was sick, or had a back ache. Then therest of the family would take care of Musa, Sara and Zidan.Look at Aisha, dumping her children on anyone every chance she gets.9Yusuf’s words came into my mind. I loved my nephews and niece and I didn’t mindtaking care of them at all. So why was I feeling so annoyed? It occurred to me that itwasn’t that I didn’t want to take care of Zidan. It was the way Aisha always madesomeone else supervise them while she escaped from the responsibilities. Theywere her children, her priority. Yet she treated them like a burden.5“Okay.” I agreed picking him up and putting him in my lap. Aisha ran off. I made aplane with my hand and crashed it into Zidan’s neck to make him laugh. I huggedhim tight, thinking about the conversation my family would be having with Yusuf.1Dreadful things went through my mind such as a fist fight. I discarded the thoughtand tried to think positively. Maybe dad, Uncle Yahya and Hamza would come backwith Yusuf! And Yusuf would cuddle me and tell me he was sorry and then take meaway. I imagined him holding me, his lips close to my ears as he spoke. I imaginedhim twirling my hair in his fingers as he gazed at me lovingly. It was only when Zidanpinched my face hard, did I snap out of that daydream.1“If you weren’t the size of an atom and so adorable, you’d be in serious trouble forthe amount you abuse me.” I said before giving him a big kiss on his chubby cheek.The innocence and purity of kids could sometimes make one forget of all that’swrong with the world. I looked up to see mum and aunty Asma with smiles on theirfaces.4

“Why do you both have creepy smiles?”4“It’s good to see you smiling again.” Mum said and with that my smile vanished. Whydid people say that? It only reminded me that I hadn’t been happy lately and why Ihadn’t been happy lately.While I waited for the men to come home, I was trying to make Zidan say ‘Safia’ butthe closest he got was, ‘Fa.’ But the whole time my mind was playing different waysof how the conversation would go. When I had enough, I took out my phone to textHamza and ask him what was happening. As soon as Zidan saw my phone, hesnatched it out of my hands. When I tried to get it back, he started crying. I let himtake it. After fiddling around with the buttons, he threw it on the floor and my phonefinally came to its end.17I put Zidan down and picked up my phone, the battery and the back cover. When Iput it together it wouldn’t turn on. I tried taking the battery out and put it in againbut it wouldn’t work. In the end I threw it down in frustration.“Here, give it to me.” Aunty Asma said. I gave her my phone and she fiddled aroundwith it. “Don’t worry, I’ll ask Yahya to get you a new one.”3“What perfect timing for my phone to break.” I muttered under my breath. “Aunty,can I borrow your phone please?” She handed it to me, and I texted Hamza. Asma: This is Safia, my phone broke (completely gone this time). What’shappening?Then I sat staring at the phone waiting for a reply. First the doorbell rang and Igrabbed the phone thinking that it was the phone making the sound. It was Tariq atthe door and he took Amaan with him to pray Taraweeh. A few minutes later thephone really started ringing and I jumped. I looked at the caller ID and it said Esha.“Aunty, your friend’s calling.” I said handing her phone back to her.“Aslamu’alaykum Esha, how’s Isa?” Aunty Asma greeted as she always did. That wasthe only way I remembered Aunty’s friend’s name. Her and her husband’s namessounded a lot alike. Then aunty gasped. A few seconds later she squealed.12“Masha’allah!” They talked happily as I impatiently waited for their call to end.Finally aunty cut the call and handed her phone back to me. “She’s pregnant.”10“Masha’allah.” I replied and continued staring at the phone. Finally Hamza sent atext.

Hamza: About to pray Taraweeh. Talk when I come home.“They’re about to pray Taraweeh. I think we should too.” My stress levels went downa bit, knowing whatever happened was now over. I was getting sick and tired of allthe thoughts in my head. I went and drank a glass of water hoping it would help calmthe nerves I felt at the pit of my stomach.All of us girls gathered in the living room and prayed together. 40 minutes later, weall finished and sat down in a circle. I used to love this moment of Ramadan. Everyevening all us girls would sit together and talk until the boys came home. I alwayswanted them to take really long but this time it was different. I couldn’t wait forthem to come. What news were they going to bring of Yusuf?8Amaan and Tariq came back and Aisha left to go home with Tariq but dad, UncleYahya and Hamza still weren’t back. I was pacing the room impatiently when I finallyheard the sound of keys rattling in the lock.“Asalamu’alaykum.” They all said coming inside.“Wa’alaykumsalaam, what happened? What did they say?”“I am never letting you go back there Safia.” My dad said. Hamza looked up at himand nodded in approval. Like father like son. My mum sent Faiza and everyoneyounger than her upstairs.“Why?” Something definitely happened.“Hajra.” My dad said turning to my mum. “How could you let our daughter marryinto a family like that?” This sounded bad. “Do you know what she said about Safia?This was supposed to be your friend. We all trusted you. If you knew she was likethis, then why didn’t you object before they got married?” I had never heard my dadspeak to my mum like this. Mum frowned at dad. Although she didn’t speak, herconfident posture and facial expression showed she didn’t welcome that tone ofvoice.“Dad what happened?” I asked him.“Look Dawud, don’t speak to her like that in front of the kids. Sit down and relax.”My dad sat down but he looked on the verge of tears.1

“Safia, come here.” I sat down next to him and he put his hand on my shoulder.“We’re so sorry.”“What happened?” I asked again, feeling like throat was closing up. When dad didn’trespond, Hamza did.“Let’s just say that Amy described Aunt Jerry and Javed really well. We got toexperience a bit of what Amy was talking about.”“Oh no. Was it really bad?”“Safia, Yusuf’s okay. He’s a good kid but his family… I don’t even know what to saywithout being rude.” Uncle Yahya said. He was open minded and honest. From whathe was saying, it must have been awful.“Except for Maryam.” I added feeling the need to defend her.“I don’t want you to be with Yusuf.” My dad said. “We made a big mistake.”27“No! You can’t do that!”“Dawud, what are you talking about?” Uncle Yahya asked.“You’re right Yahya, Yusuf is okay but he’s not good enough for my daughter. Shedeserves someone better. She should have a mother in law who appreciates her.And even if Yusuf’s a great guy, so what? He can’t even provide for his wife properly.He has a rubbish job in retail, he’s still training and he can’t walk properly to get adecent job. Who’s going to hire him?”14“Dad, stop! I’m not leaving Yusuf! And please don’t talk about him like that.”“Then what are you going to do? Stay at home for the next year or two? Because Iam not letting you go back there. I’m saying this for your sake.”“So you’d rather have a divorced daughter at home for who knows how long? Is thatwhat you’re saying? Why can’t he move in with us?”“I’m not having him live here. That would be unfair on Zayna. She shouldn’t have tocover up all the time in her own home. And what about Hafsa, she’s here all the timewithout her hijab. She’d have to start covering too. It’s not fair on them.”12“I had to cover up in Yusuf’s house.” I said.

“Even more of a reason for you not to go back. I’m not having him live here. That’sfinal.” Dad said leaning back on the sofa.5“Uncle Yahya! Tell dad he’s being unfair. Surely you can’t wish for me to have adivorce.”“Of course we don’t want you to have a divorce. I disagree with what Dawud is sayingbut I understand where he’s coming from.” Dad just stared up at the ceiling. “Wejust can’t seem to find another solution just yet. Until we can find one, you’re stayinghere.”“So can I not at least see Yusuf?” I asked, confused by the situation. So dad wassaying he didn’t want me to be with Yusuf and Uncle Yahya was saying I couldn’t bewith Yusuf until we figured out a solution.“No. Yahya, this is my daughter. I know what’s best for her. She should be withsomeone better than Yusuf. Look at his family. He’s probably just like them. I don’ttrust him.” Dad said.“He’s nothing like them!”“I think you need to wait a while and cool off before you start to make life decisionsfor your daughter. We should at least try and find a way out of this.” Uncle Yahyasaid ignoring me.“Wait wait wait!” I said getting up. “This is my life. You’re all a part of it so of courseyou can help me but you can’t just make such huge decisions without even lettingme have a say. The decision should ultimately be mine!”1“What is it that you want Safia?” Uncle Yahya asked.“Marriage is not a joke! So I am not leaving Yusuf! Unless he wants to leave me. Doeshe want to leave me? That’s all I want to know. That’s all I care about. Does he?”“Well he said he was sorry.” Uncle Yahya said looking at dad. They looked at eachother questioningly. They didn’t know. How could they not know?“He said he didn’t mean it when he told you to go home.” Hamza said and I felt alittle relieved. “And he told me to tell you he’ll try and make everything okay.” ThenI grinned, all that anxiety and worry leaving me.10“Fine. But he has until the end of Ramadan to find a way out.” Dad said. That worryhadn’t even left me fully before it made its way back in.

“Or what dad?” I asked hesitantly.2“Or else I’m not letting you get back with him. I can’t see my daughter being pushedaround like this.” Dad had determination in his eyes and I knew there was no pointin arguing with him. That’s why not even Uncle Yahya spoke up this time. Sometimes,love could be a really dangerous thing.16---Author's note:Some people asked me to make a facebook. You can send me covers there and I mightadd images of how I imagine the characters on the facebook page soon.

Chapter 35.Yusuf's POVOne month. That's what Hamza had told me. Safia's dad had given me until Eid tofind a solution to this problem. That was even less than a month! Then I had to knockoff another ten days I was planning on using for I'tikaf. Ten days where I wouldseclude myself from the world.This was a test from Allah. I had to be patient. I had to put my trust in Him. I put mytrust in Him before and he blessed me with Safia. I had to do that again.9At least I knew now Safia wanted to be with me. Hamza told me what went on intheir house and everything Safia said. That provided me with great comfort anddetermination to win her back. Hamza also told me his whole family were trying tochange his father's opinion but he was being stubborn. Being the eldest in his houseand the patriarch, his opinion counted the most.3My first plan was to talk to my mum and get her to apologize. Maybe if she toldSafia's family she was really sorry for what she said, Uncle Dawud would let Safiacome home.I got back from work just before iftar and was helping Maryam with the food. Mumhad become lazy after Safia came and even though Safia was gone, mum continueddoing hardly anything.3\"We've got half an hour to go. Could you just stay here and keep an eye on the foodin the oven?\" I asked Maryam.\"If you want me out of the way while you talk to mum, just say so.\" She replied.1\"Well I would but you have a bad habit of eavesdropping.\" Maryam looked awayembarrassed.\"Sorry, I won't eavesdrop again. I've learnt my lesson.\"\"You have? How?\" I said raising an eyebrow. Maryam wouldn't meet my eye and Iknew something had happened. \"What are you not telling me?\" Maryam shook herhead. \"What is it with women and keeping secrets?\" I said leaving the kitchen andwalking over to where mum was sitting.2

Mum was watching a drama and I waited until it finished. It reminded me of the timeI was getting to know Safia before we got married and I was going to ask mum to goaround their house to ask for her hand in marriage. I was so full of hope then, and Iwas full of hope now. It was weird how I thought once mum accepted everythingwould be okay. But here I was practically repeating what I went through earlier inthe year.8Finally mum's drama finished. I wasn't going to advise her on cutting down on TV atleast for Ramadan because the last time I did that, she made me feel like I was a badguy.\"Mum, I need to talk to you.\"\"If it's about Safia, there's no point. You know what I'm going to say.\" She saidwithout even looking at me.\"Can you at least apologize to her dad?\"\"Why should I? I didn't say anything wrong!\" She shrugged.\"Mum, you insulted his daughter!\"\"You're just overreacting.\"\"You're forgetting that she's my wife. When you insulted her, I was severelyoffended so I can only imagine how her father felt.\" Mum was getting irritated.\"Please! Just apologize!\" I begged. \"It's Ramadan!\"\"I would apologize if I thought there was a need for me to apologize. I just statedfacts, no need for anyone to get offended.\"2\"I've had enough.\" I said falling back on the sofa. \"What do you want from me mum?Safia's a good girl and I would be so happy with her. Why won't you let it be?\"\"I'm not stopping you from being happy. I'm doing this for your happiness.\"1\"For my happiness? You think tearing me away from my wife will make me happy?You think insulting her in front of me will make me happy?\"\"You won't understand yet. You're too young. I'm doing what's best for you.\"\"Explain that to me, please.\" I forced myself to sit up and face my mum.

\"You think you love this girl. What is there to love? I told you before you could havedone so much better. But no, you insisted. So I gave in and then she has this hugeargument with you and storms off. She's bringing up things from the past betweenAmy and Javed and breaking this family apart.\"1\"It's not like that. Amy's her best friend, she was only defending her. It's natural. Wegot into an argument because we were both defending people we love.\" Mum's eyeswondered upwards as she shook her head.\"You're blind Yusi.\" Clearly mum wasn't going to listen. That meant I had to gothrough my second and more risky plan. But before that, I just wanted to ask mumone more thing.\"What exactly happened with Amy? What did you say to her?\"\"I exaggerated what she told me previously so that she wouldn't be with Javedanymore.\" The image I had of mum in my head was breaking down, along with apiece of my heart.2\"Why?\" I managed to whisper.\"Because Javed wasn't right for her. I heard him at night speaking to other girls onthe phone. I thought it was unfair on Amy but I didn't want Javed to get into trouble.He said he wanted to marry her but he wasn't ready for marriage. He still isn't. I wastrying to protect Amy without making Javed look bad. I would rather play the villainto stop anyone thinking badly of Javed.\" Now it made so much more sense. \"I woulddo the same for you Yusuf. I am doing the same for you. My sons deserve the bestof the best.\" I smiled and hugged my mum.29\"I still think what you did was wrong mum, but I understand now.\" I said movingback.1\"I was protecting my son, how was that wrong?\"3\"You told her dad horrible things about her in a manner which made him think thatwe as Muslims were aggressive people. We're not. We're supposed to be kind andgentle. Her dad disowned her because of this. But I understand you now. You didn'tmean for those consequences, right?\"\"Right. So now you understand why I don't want you to be with Safia?\"

\"No. That, I still don't understand. Sure, we had a little argument but it wasn't so badthat we can't continue with this marriage. She is a wonderful person.\"\"That girl has barely spoken to me since she's come barging into my house.\"\"She didn't come barging. This is her house.\"\"Was.\" Mum interrupted.\"She's shy. She finds it hard to open up to someone who doesn't talk to her. Behonest mum, did you even try and talk to her?\" Mum didn't reply. \"Every time I camehome from work, you were in your room watching TV there or talking on thephone.\"1\"Those weren't the only things I did.\"\"I know, you did facials, a bit of pampering and maybe some cleaning but that's notthe point. You didn't even try to bond with Safia. You didn't try to see the amazingperson I see when I look at her.\" As mum remained silent, I felt as if my first planwould work after all. Mum would say she was sorry and convince Safia's parents ofletting her return here. But that wasn't to be.\"I don't want to know her. If I wanted to, I would have spoken to her often. I didn'twant to nor do I want to now.\"\"Why?\"\"Will you stop asking me that? I told you many times before so just listen carefullyagain. I want a daughter in law who is outstandingly beautiful. Someone confident,someone I can show off to my friends. Your wife is incapable of making aconversation. My friends come and all she does is smile politely. Like I said to herfather, she has no charisma and no character.\" I took a deep breath. I couldn't getangry at my mum. I had to fight any anger like feelings inside of me.3\"She has a wonderful character if you got to know her properly-\"\"I said I don't want to.\" So that was it. Mum didn't want to accept Safia. I would haveto stick with my risky plan.2The next day, was Saturday. I was at home sitting on my laptop. I had just ordered agood phone for Safia. I knew Safia wasn't materialistic but I had to show her dad thatI was able to provide her with materialistic needs. Maryam sat next to me clearingher throat to get my attention.

\"What's up?\"\"I have something to tell you.\" She said nervously.\"Go on.\"\"I wasn't going to tell you but I felt like I was lying. Please don't get angry.\"\"Maryam, just tell me what you're trying to say properly.\"\"It's my fault Safia left. I heard some of the argument and I thought you were reallyangry at her. I thought you didn't want to see her when you came back. I was upsetat her too for what she said to you. So I told her it was best for her to go home. Shemight have stayed if I hadn't said that.\"\"Maryam!\" I said putting my hand on my head. \"Why do you try to act older thanyour age? You're not even 16 yet and you're interfering in a married couple'sargument?\"8\"I'm sorry.\" She whimpered. Maryam looked like she was about to cry. Maryamnever cried. She must have been feeling really guilty.\"It's okay. What's done is done.\" I said trying to calm the frustration growing insideof me. She had no right to say that to Safia! But then again, I had no right to say whatI said to Safia.2\"I promise I'll help you get her back if I can. Tell me, what do I have to do?\" Maryamsaid.\"Just pray for me. I need all the prayers I can get.\"\"Of course! If you need anything else just let me know.\" I gave her a weak smile andwent back to my laptop. Maryam sat there for a while examining her hands and theends of her hair. When she got really bored, she leaned over to see what I was doing.Then she let out a little gasp.\"Are you doing what I think you're doing?\" She asked. I nodded. \"You didn't tell me!Have you told anyone?\"\"Nope, and I don't want you to tell anyone either.\"\"Not even mum?\"\"No.\"

\"But how? I thought you couldn't!\"8\"That's why I need your prayers Maryam.\" This plan was likely to have a badoutcome. But it would be worth it to be with Safia.5The rest of days of Ramadan passed fairly quickly. When I left home for I'tikaf, Idecided to leave all my problems behind and all my worries for the future. I had tofocus on my Lord. Only He could help me now. I spent those ten days prayingcontinuously. I prayed for everything and everyone I could think of. I prayed for Safia,I asked Allah to help me overcome my anger and most of all, I prayed for Javed andmum. I hadn't spoken to Javed for the whole of Ramadan. I wanted to but I couldn'tbring myself to do so.4On the last day of I'tikaf, I didn't want to leave the masjid. I felt comfortable there,protected by Allah. I wanted to see Safia but I was scared. I told one of my teachersthis and he said to me,\"If you keep Allah in your heart, you will feel protected anywhere.\" So with thosewords I left.2All I could think about when I got home was tomorrow. Tomorrow was Eid.Tomorrow I would see Safia. Tomorrow I would have to face her parents. I hopedthey accepted what little I had to offer. Tomorrow was the day that would determinemy future with or without Safia.

Chapter 36.Safia’s POV15Throughout Ramadan, I prayed every day at iftar time that Yusuf and I would betogether soon. Now that I knew he wanted to be with me, made me feel a lot better.However, my dad’s idea frightened me. Not even mum could change his mind. Shewasn’t one to counter someone’s opinion in public; she would always take theperson aside and express her opinion. The gentle manner in which she spoke usuallymade one change their mind if they were in the wrong. But my dad wouldn’t budge.5Uncle Yahya had convinced him Yusuf was a good man and my dad agreed, especiallywhen that parcel arrived with my name on it. It was an iPhone. I asked my familywho bought it and Hamza told us it was Yusuf. I showed it to my dad, telling him howamazing Yusuf was. Even then, there was no way dad was letting me go back toYusuf’s house because of Aunt Jerry and Javed.13I couldn’t deny I disliked them a lot. But even then I tried to forgive them. I neededforgiveness from Allah, especially after the things I’d said to Yusuf. Maybe byforgiving them, I myself would be forgiven. I wasn’t sure if Yusuf had forgiven meeven though he said he would sort this problem out.14I’d learnt many things during Ramadan and I was glad it was during this month thatmy eyes opened up to reality. I realized my family wasn’t perfect. If it weren’t forthe holy month, this would have hit me hard and I don’t know what state I wouldhave been in. I loved my family and in my eyes they were always perfect. Seeingthose ideas that your mind created breakdown was painful.What Yusuf said was true about Aisha. She really did make everyone else take careof her kids any time she could. Also, the men in my family were lazy. It was alwaysthe women cooking and cleaning. They didn’t like it when I pointed it out to them.That annoyed me.3“Safia, get me my laptop from upstairs.” Hamza said to me a few days into Ramadan.“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your legs weren’t working.” I replied sarcastically. Hegave me an angry glare. The glare was more for my sarcasm than not getting hislaptop. I made a mental note to not be rude when trying to slowly change the waysof this house. I got his laptop for him just to make up for being disrespectful.8

But from that moment on, every time a male member of the family asked a womanto do something for them, I found it frustrating. That was why I had been talking alot about how the prophet helped with housework. Everyone just ignored me and Ibegan to think, what’s the point? I try and help people but they don’t listen. Then Ireminded myself, Allah listens and He would reward me for my effort.23I was sad to see Ramadan coming to an end. I felt like this every year. Towards theend of Ramadan I wanted to hold on to the blessed days and savor them. The lastfew days I increased the amount I prayed and before I knew it, Ramadan was over.18I was happy for Eid, but not excited and enthusiastic as I was for every Eid I previouslyhad. There was only one reason for that, Yusuf. I had spoken to my dad, asked himwhat he wanted from Yusuf, what he expected from him. His response was unclear.I don’t think he was so sure himself. He knew Yusuf didn’t have the money to buy usa place to stay. I concluded he just wanted to see Yusuf make an effort to show thathe was worthy of me. That made me feel special even though I strongly opposed thisidea of dad’s.7When Eid came, I dressed up with the help of Amy and Hafsa knowing that I wasgoing to see Yusuf. I felt nervous and happy, although I was worried about what myfather would say. Surely he wouldn’t want me to divorce. But I couldn’t see asolution to this dilemma.5Amy was spending Eid with us. She looked beautiful in her black abaya embroideredwith crystals. I suspected Hamza thought so too. When she was on her way to myroom, Hamza came out of his room and I think they had a moment. They looked intoeach other’s eyes a second too long. When Amy was in my room with Hafsa, I chasedHamza to ask him about it.7“Were you checking out Amy?”“Astaghfirullah, no!”51“The space around your nose is going pink. Oh my gosh, you’re blushing exactly theway I do!”“I’m not blushing!” He said looking down and playing with his hands.“Hamza and Amy sitting in a tree-“8“Shut up.” He said looking like he couldn’t believe what I was saying.

“I was going to say N-I-K-A-I-N-G.”87“What on earth is nikaing?”“Nikah-ing. Getting married. If you spell it with an ‘h’ at the end then it doesn’t soundgood with the song-“3“Okay, I’m going. Bye.”1“Where are you going?”“For Eid prayers.” He paused and shouted out, “Amaan, I’m going. Hurry up.” Amaancame running down the stairs. Before Hamza went out of the door, he turned andsaid, “Yusuf’s going to be there.” Then he said salaam and left with Amaan chasingafter him. Just hearing his name made me get butterflies in my tummy. The plan wasthat they would pray together and then discuss what Yusuf was planning to do. Inthe end, my father would make a decision.After getting ready, I picked up my phone and checked the time. Eid prayer was overso Yusuf was probably talking to my dad.7“Ooh you got an iPhone.” Amy said taking it out of my hand and examining it.“Careful with that!” I said taking it back and wiping the screen with my sleeve.10“She won’t let anyone touch it because Yusuf got it for her.” Hafsa explained in ateasing manner.1“I thought you hated touch screens?”“I did but this is from Yusuf so it’s special. And I’m getting used to it.”2“Hypocrite.” Amy said sticking her tongue out. “If you were an ancient Greek, yourname would be Hypocrates.”10“One, that was super lame. Two, Hippocrates was an ancient Greek physician.” I toldher. “It’s spelt like hippo crates. Like a crate full of hippos.”4“Nerd.” Amy replied.“You’re just jealous I’m smart and you’re not.”“Okay children,” Hafsa said breaking up our argument. “Let’s be nice to each other.”I was about to give a witty response when my phone buzzed.1

Hamza: We’re on our way back. Yusuf’s with us.“They’re on their way. Yusuf’s coming.” I said looking up worriedly.12“The amount of affect this guy has on you.” Hafsa shook her head.3“Excuse me? I’m about to see my husband after a month. I wonder what dad said tohim. I wonder what he’s done to prove his worth to dad. Do I look okay?” Amy andHafsa both began assuring me everything was going to be fine.1Sooner than I expected, there was a knock on the door.“Who is it?”“Hamza. Yusuf’s here.” Amy and Hafsa smiled as they got up to leave. If it weren’tfor the excitement of seeing Yusuf and the anxiety of hearing what my dad’s decisionwas, I would have winked at Amy. She looked down shyly as she opened the doorand walked past Hamza. I stood up and finally Yusuf walked in.2He stood at the door and then slowly closed it shut behind him. He stared at me,unblinking. I stared back, mixed emotions whirling in my mind and body. Then oneemotion took over, the need to be with Yusuf. That emotion conjured by love. It tookover my body and before I could control myself, I ran and crashed into Yusuf with ahug. His arms immediately wrapped around me tightly.78I buried my face into his chest and slowly started weeping. Only now it occurred tome how much I had missed this man. He had one hand tangled in my hair as herepeatedly kissed the side of my forehead, my ear and my cheek. That wasn’tenough for me so I moved back and kissed him properly. When I pulled away, I saidwhat I had been wanting to say for a long time.53“I’m sorry-”1“No, I’m sorry-““I shouldn’t have said what I said-““I was wrong to have said that-““I’m really sorry-“ I hadn’t finished my little speech I had prepared before he kissedme again. This time we both calmed down.3“I love you.” He whispered into my ear.35

“I love you too.” He pulled me closer and I stood leaning my head on his shoulder.We stayed like that for a while before I spoke again.4“What did dad say?” I asked tightening my grip around his waist.1“Put your abaya and hijab on and come with me, I have a surprise for you.” He saidstroking my cheek softly.16“You’re not answering my question.”“Just do as I say.” I didn’t want to let go of him. But I did so anyway. I tied mystraightened hair into a bun and put on my abaya and hijab. Yusuf’s eyes never leftme. Once I was done, I stood on front of him. He took my hand and we walked outof my room. Yusuf stopped by the kitchen and told my mum we’d be back in theevening.6He led me outside to an old second hand car. It looked slightly rusty.“This is our car. It was the cheapest I could get.”9“It looks like Mr Bean’s car!” I said suppressing a laugh.11“Well we need a car. I can’t walk around too much because of my ankle.” I gaveYusuf a sideward cuddle.“I love it.” I told him and he grinned.“She’s a thing of beauty, isn’t she?” He said and we both laughed. “Go on, get in.”“For a test drive or are we actually going somewhere?”“You’ll see!” He said stepping inside and turning the engine on. I was assuming hewas going to take me to a restaurant of some sort.“So tell me. What did dad say?”“Of course I won him over with my charms. I mean, you can’t deny I am onecharming man.”13“Really? He gave in? Yes! I knew it! I’m sure it had nothing to do with yournonexistent charms but I knew my dad would come around!”6“Nonexistent charms? I charmed you didn’t I?”9

“Oh please.” I said. I was over the moon with joy. My dad was okay with mine andYusuf’s relationship and Yusuf was back in my life! “What is it with men and cars?Even old rusty ones.”“What do you mean?”3“My dad gave in because you brought a car, right?” Yusuf didn’t reply. We weregoing in the opposite direction to Yusuf’s house. That made me kind of suspicious.“How’s Maryam?” I asked, changing the topic.“Oh I just remembered. She told me to tell you to phone her.”“She’s not going to tell me off, is she?”“You’re scared of a kid telling you off?” Yusuf asked looking amused.“Well she’s a very mature kid. In fact, she’s going to be 16 in a matter of days soshe’s not even really a kid!”3“Just call her. She won’t tell you off.” I called Maryam and she picked up right away.After greeting each other we began talking as if nothing had happened. It was soeasy to talk to Maryam. Then she apologized for what she had said and I told her Ihad already forgotten about it. We both knew I hadn’t but it was easier to avoid thetopic. We all made mistakes and were guilty. It was best to forgive and forget.I continued talking to Maryam on the phone the whole way. Then we came to a stopnear some flats (apartments).24“Where’s the restaurant?” I asked.“What?” Yusuf asked in confusion. “Hang up and let’s go.”2“I’ll talk too you later Maryam, Asalamu’alaykum.” I hung up and got out of the car.Yusuf locked it and took my hand, dragging me towards the flats. I followed himinside and when he took out a key, it finally registered in my brain. Yusuf bought usa flat.9We went inside and I looked around. We were standing in a small narrowpassageway. In front of me was a bathroom, on my left, a living room and kitchencombined and on my right, a bedroom.

“I know it’s tiny but it was the best I could do! Welcome home.” Yusuf stared intentlyinto my eyes. “I know you deserve better but this is all I have to give.” I hugged himagain, squeezing him.46“Thank you so much! I love this place! It’s more than enough!”“Good, because there was no way I was going to wait to have you back. I need youby my side.”11“And I need you!” There was a shine in his eyes, but it wasn’t as bright as it shouldhave been. “What does your family think about this?” I asked and Yusuf looked away.“Obviously they’re not very happy but…” He trailed off.“Yusuf?”“I had to do this. I just had to. Neither of my parents are happy but I’ll try and makeit up to them. Javed doesn’t care at all.”“Is there anything else?” I asked sensing something else was wrong. Yusuf pulled meinside the living room sitting on the only sofa in the flat. I sat next to him, lookingaround at the room. It may have been small and slightly mismatched but it wasclean. I turned back to Yusuf. “Well?”“You know all that money I had been saving up? There was money for the trip toMorocco, money for our future house, our future kids, money for emergencies andeven money for Maryam’s wedding.”20“What about it?” I asked already knowing the answer.“I spent it all. We don’t really have any money left.”2“You spent it all?” He nodded. “That’s okay. We’ll make more.”“You don’t understand. At home, Javed, dad and I paid for everything together. NowI have to pay for everything on my own and I’m afraid we’re going to have to cutdown on any sort of luxuries.”“Are you saying we don’t have any money? That, we’re poor?”1“I’m afraid so. I spent everything. Nearly every penny I had.” I didn’t know what tosay. I’d never thought that I would be in a financial crisis. I wasn’t too worried, dadwould help us.9

“My dad-““Won’t approve of you being with me if he knew I had no money. It took a lot toconvince him I was good enough for you. You can’t tell him. We’ll just have to find away to survive on our own.”3“Okay.” I replied.I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what it was like to have no money. Whatwas going to happen now? Whatever it was, at least I was with Yusuf. I just hopedthis issue with money didn’t affect our relationship. But I had once heard that afinancial crisis was one of the leading causes for divorces. But I wasn’t going to letany money, or lack of, get between mine and Yusuf’s relationship.

Chapter 37.Yusuf’s POV4Talking to Safia’s dad was frightening. I thought he would be bitter or rude towardsme but he was okay. I showed him the car which made him raise an eyebrow but heappreciated the fact that I was trying. He wasn’t too keen on the flat I was rentingeither. But I convinced him it was enough for Safia and I. I mean, how much spacedid we need? We sat at the flat and talked for a while before we separately droveback to Uncle Dawud’s house.1When I got there, Hamza led me to Safia’s room. I felt so excited and impatient tosee my wife again, to be with her again. I wanted to push everyone aside and run toher. But of course, no matter how I felt, I had to be civil, especially because of recentevents with Uncle Dawud. I had to prove I was good enough for Safia despite my lowincome and arthritis. He knocked and shortly, Hafsa and another girl came out.Hamza left too as I went in.When my eyes fell upon hers, I froze. I didn’t run to her and hold her like I plannedto. I just froze. She was dressed up and looked more than beautiful. I slowly shut thedoor behind me. For a moment I was lost just staring at her. There were so manyfeelings I didn’t know what to do. Then she ran into me and quickly wrapped myarms around her. I held her so close as if I was afraid of letting her go. She was silentlycrying so I kissed the side of her face to make her stop. I couldn’t stand tears fallingfrom Safia’s eyes. I inhaled her scent and treasured her touch as I thought abouthow long it had been since I last held her.8When Safia and I got to our flat, I was really grateful for how supportive she was.She didn’t complain about the car or the size of the flat. She told me she loved themboth. I was nervous about telling her our little problem regarding money. She askedme about my family but I didn’t want to talk too much about them.Mum obviously fussed over this telling me I was choosing my wife over her but I boreit with patience, promising I would visit her often. Dad, as usual, didn’t have muchto say. I really wondered what went through his head sometimes. He was becomingquieter and quieter over the years. Maryam was the only one who was truly happyfor me but she was upset that I was going. I worried about leaving her behind but Ihad no choice.4I built up the courage and told Safia about our current situation. She was obviouslyshocked. Then her face lit up.

“My dad-““Won’t approve of you being with me if he knew I had no money. It took a lot toconvince him I was good enough for you. You can’t tell him. We’ll just have to find away to survive on our own.” I said and her face fell.“Okay.” She replied. I put my arms around her.“It’ll be okay.” I kissed her forehead and she leaned into me. “Besides, we’retogether. Surely that’s worth this.” She moved her head back and looked up at me.“Yeah.” She smiled and pulled at my beard. “I haven’t done that in ages!” I pokedher sides knowing that she was very ticklish. She screamed and fell on the floor. Iwas holding my stomach laughing as she shouted at me. “That is not cute, funny orromantic. That is torture! Do not ever do that again!”9“You pulled my beard first!”1“Yeah well that’s nothing compared to this.” She got up and sat as far as she couldfrom me. I moved closer and she got up. “I don’t trust you.”4“I won’t tickle you again. Sit down.”“Promise me you won’t tickle me.”“Okay.”“No! You have to say you promise.”5“Okay, I promise!” She sat down awkwardly keeping an eye on my hands makingsure I don’t tickle her. She jumped as I grabbed her and pulled her close.“Don’t tickle me!” She said in a muffled voice with her face against my chest. I restedmy chin on her head.“I told you I won’t.” She shifted herself to get comfortable and be able to look aroundthe room.“No TV?” She asked.“Do you want us to be in debt?”13

“Sorry.” I felt so bad for doing this to her. Safia’s family wasn’t rich but they werewell off. She’d probably never experienced anything close to having no money. “I’mgoing to ask my workplace if I can work more days and extend my hours.” Safia said.She worked one day a week.“No, it’s okay. Just pray for me that I find a better job and can provide for the bothof us. Besides, this won’t last long, I hope. In less than a year I’ll be a fully qualifiedplumber and in’sha’allah then things will be okay.”3“I didn’t ask you Yusuf. I am going to work more days if I can.” The only thing thatfelt stronger than my guilt was the gratitude of having Safia with me again. I closedmy eyes and leaned my head back thanking Allah for everything I had.Materialistically, it may not have been much but it was a lot compared to others. Butnone of that even mattered because I had Safia.1“Safia, move back. My phone’s vibrating.”“It’s mine. I can feel it in my pocket.”“What pocket?”“My abaya has a pocket.” She said sitting up and taking her phone out.10“Oh. That’s cool.” She looked at the screen and I could tell she was having secondthoughts about answering it. But then after many rings, she did answer the phone.“Aslamu’alaykum Amy.” She said shooting me a sideward glance. She was worriedabout what I would say knowing Amy was one of the reasons for our argument. Ididn’t have any ill feelings towards Amy. I had to tell Safia how I felt but it was asensitive topic to approach. “Yeah, sorry about that. Yusuf wanted to show me ournew flat.” She said to Amy. “I haven’t left you alone. You have Hafsa. And Hamza.”She added with a smirk. That reminded me I had to talk to Hamza about Amy. “Yusufdoes not make me forget the rest of the world exists! We just saw each other aftera whole month! Give us a break.” I let out a little chuckle.2“I make you forget the rest of the world exists?” I asked and she rolled her eyes andturned away.“Apology accepted. Stay with Hafsa. I’ll be back in the evening in’sha’allah.Aslamu’alaykum.” She faced me again after hanging up. “Why are we going back solate?”

“Because I wanted to spend some quality time with you without anyone interfering.”“Aww, okay.” After a short silence, Safia spoke again. “Why don’t we get a loan?”“Interest.” I replied.18“Oh yeah.”“Can’t get a loan without it these days.”“So sad. But I’d rather be poor than do something haraam.”“Exactly.” We became silent again.“Can we go to see your family?” Safia asked.2“Why?” I didn’t think that was a good idea.“Because if we’ve made up then it’s rude for me not to go.” She explained.“It’s okay. No one will say anything.”“I still want to go. And I want to see Maryam!”“Are you sure? I mean, really think about it.”“I’m sure.” She said with certainty. “Why aren’t you sure?”“Some of the things you said when we were arguing turned out to be true. But whatyou said about what my mum said to Amy, you have to know my mum’s intentions.She was trying to help Amy because she knew Javed would break her heart.”“Help? You call that help?”1“Safia, I don’t want to get into this again.” I sighed.“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” Safia opened her mouth to speak again but then shutit.“If you have something to say, just say it.”“Some of the things you said,” She started. “They were true too. The things aboutmy family. I noticed it along with other things. It makes me feel so furious and sad. Idon’t know what to do.”1

“I’m really sorry about that. I had no right to say what I said about them. But nowthat you know, you have to accept it. You can’t let a person’s flaws cloud the loveyou have for them. Especially if they’re your family. You can advise people and prayfor them, but at the end of the day, there’s only so much you can do. We’ve just gotto love people along with their imperfections.”7“Yeah, I know. But the sudden revelation’s going to take a while to settle. I can’tbelieve my family members aren’t what I’ve been thinking of them all this time.” Istroked her hair not knowing what to say. She changed the topic.Safia and I talked some more as we caught up on everything. We had a lengthydiscussion about Hamza and Amy. We came to the conclusion that they bothdefinitely liked each other. I was going to make Hamza admit his feelings and Safiawas going to make Amy admit hers.5Time flew and before I knew it, it was time for Zuhr. I left Safia and went to the localmosque to pray. Luckily the walk was a short one. When I got back, Safia was halfway through her salaah. I waited for her to finish. She did so and got up, folding herprayer mat. I had brought all of Safia’s possessions she left behind to the flat.7“Let’s go to your parents’ house now.” She said.“If you insist.” She fixed her hijab and I took her hand as we walked out together.“Is your ankle hurting?” Safia asked. Sometimes Safia’s words still echoed in mymind. I ignored her. “Yusuf?” I didn’t reply. “Here, put your arm around myshoulder.”“I’m fine, okay?” We got to the car and sat inside. Safia faced the window so I knewshe was upset with me. “I really am fine Safia. It was only a little bit of pain.” Sheturned to me.“I’m really sorry about what I said. Know that there’s nothing about you that I don’tlove. You’re perfect for me exactly the way you are.”1“Weren’t we discussing earlier that no one’s perfect?”“Yeah well I didn’t say you were perfect. I said you’re perfect for me.” Her eyes werehonest. It gave me great relief that she thought that.10“Aww, look who’s turning cheesy.” I said poking her cheek.7“Yeah, you’re rubbing of on me.” She said slapping my hand away.1

It took over half an hour to get to home. Well, it wasn’t my home anymore so I hadto get used to calling it my parents’ house. I was really worried about how mum wasgoing to react. I prayed everything would go smoothly. But sometimes prayers don’tget answered and our minds are too limited to see the wisdom behind it straightaway.8We got to the door and I gripped Safia’s hand. I still had the keys but I rang thedoorbell anyway so that Safia and I wouldn’t enter unexpectedly. I was extremelyrelieved to see Maryam answer the door. She ran to Safia and Safia had to pull herhand away from mine to hug Maryam back. They spoke over each other so fast,sounding so happy.I left them and went inside. The house smelt of food so I assumed mum would be inthe kitchen. I found dad there instead. I told him Safia was here and he smiled. Hewas fond of his daughter in law. I came back out to the living room and came faceto face with an angry looking mum.4“What is she doing here?”“It’s Eid. She came to see you.”“Take her away.”46“Why? Just say hello. That’s all you need to do.”2“You want me pretend to be all nice and friendly to that sneaky little thing who hasmy son wrapped around her little finger? And she thinks she can just take my sonaway and show up here like everything’s fine?”14“Mum, she never mentioned moving out. That was my choice. She’s here to see youso just say hello.” It was then that Safia walked in.“Asalamu’alaykum.” She said shyly.“So you think you can just enter my son’s life and leave when you want? You thinkyou can toy with him? Not while I’m alive.” She said to Safia.12“Mum, please leave it.”“No Yusuf. Let me show her what I’m made of!” I knew something was going to gowrong. I stepped between mum and Safia but that wasn’t enough for mum to stopwith her verbal abuse. I looked back and saw Safia rooted to the ground, surprisedfrom my mum’s outburst and very scared.



Chapter 38.Safia’s POV“Let me show her what I’m made of.” Aunt Jerry said. At first I was scared, but thenI'd had enough. She began to insult me about the same stupid things! Before I couldspeak up, Yusuf said,“Mum, stop please! This isn’t like one of those dramas you watch. You’re not a poorvictim with an evil daughter in law who’s stealing your son away.” It probably wasn’tthe right moment to giggle. Instead, I calmly spoke up.18“I’m sorry if you feel this way but I’ll remind you, I’ve done nothing wrong!” I stoppedmyself from saying, this is your fault! You drove your son away! Yusuf wouldn’t haveliked me speaking to his mother like that.1“Because of you, my son is moving out. Because of you, he barely speaks to me.”She hissed.1“Safia,” Yusuf put his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go, this isn’t worth the trouble.”“No, let me speak. Just give me a few minutes to clear the air.” Yusuf motioned forMaryam to leave the room. Then, in a calm manner, I began letting out all the thingsI’d wanted to say to Aunt Jerry. “When did you ever attempt to speak to Yusuf?When did you ever fuss over him like you did with Javed?” I saw Yusuf turn awaywith pain evident on his face. He still had his hand on my shoulder, and I put myhand on his.“Don’t tell me what sort of mother I am! I do what’s best for my children.”“What’s best?” I said with an annoying sarcastic smile. “Look at your preciouschildren. Look at all the pain you’ve caused them. All the pain you are causing themnow.” I tried to stop myself from raising my voice. “I love Yusuf, Yusuf loves me. Wemake each other happy. If you wanted what was best for your children, you’d letthem be happy. But no, you want what’s best for yourself.”16“I want what’s best for my children! Yusuf could have done so much better thanyou!”1“Maybe, but I was written in his destiny. If you had any fear of Allah, you’d let it be.”5

“You’re preaching to me about religion? Who are you to tell me anything aboutreligion? You argue with my son and pack your things and leave, yet you think youhave the right to preach to me?”“That’s enough. Safia, let’s go.” Yusuf said, pulling me a little.“Fine, but let me say one last thing. Everyone is getting sick of this grudge you’reholding against me. Nothing good can come out of it.” With that, I turned aroundand walked away with my head held high. Yusuf stayed behind to have a word withhis mum.When I got to Yusuf’s car, I saw Javed coming down the road. He was still at adistance. I got into Yusuf’s car and put my head down so I won’t have to see him. I’dfaced one person who hated me already. I didn’t want to face anyone else.A little while later, there was knock on the car door. I looked up to see Javed. I rolleddown the window only a little to see what he wanted.“Hello sis.”7“What?” I was really confused. I looked behind to Javed’s house, hoping Yusuf wouldcome out soon.1“That’s a little rude.” I ignored him as I kept staring at the door, willing for Yusuf tostep through. “Yusuf said I’d never attempted a conversation with you, so I’mcommunicating. Isn’t that what he wanted?” I continued ignoring him. “You’re madat me for this whole Amy issue, huh? I bet she made a whole big deal out of it. Shehad a tendency to do that.”2“Right, that’s enough. Not another word about Amy! What is wrong with you andyour mother? A word of advice, one day you’re going to die. Could be in 50 years,could be today, could be tomorrow. Only a few days ago, I heard of a man aroundyour age unexpectedly dying. It’ll be dangerous for you to realize the error of yourways then, when you’ll have no way out. So maybe start to reevaluate your life whileyou still have time.” Javed glared at me before he stormed away. Of course it wasonly after he entered his house that Yusuf came out.11“Couldn’t deal with both of them at the same time.” Yusuf said when he got in thecar.“Can we bring Maryam? This whole Eid’s being ruined for her.”

“She’s getting ready to go to her friend’s house otherwise I would have brought heralong.”“I’m worried about her. Really worried.”“She’s tough. She’ll be fine.”“But you’re not there anymore. Who’s going to talk to her and laugh with her?” Myheart sank for Maryam.“I’m still planning on visiting often.”“Once a week you mean? That won’t be enough. What if she starts becoming likethem?” I said with my stomach flipping just with the idea of that happening.3“Safia, they’re like that because they’re psychologically damaged. Well mum isanyway, Javed’s just a consequence of that.”1“What do you mean?”“Mum’s had a rough past.”“What? With the baby? I’m sorry Yusuf, but as sad as that is, she can’t use that as anexcuse. A relative of mine had a baby who passed away and instead of losing faith,she said, Allah took away my child because He loves her more than I do.”10“That’s nice. But it was more than my little brother passing away.”“Are you going to tell me?” I asked.“My mum’s marriage isn’t a great one. No one was happy with it to begin with. Mydad’s sisters didn’t like her very much because she wasn’t quiet, shy and reserved.”9“Sounds so much like what I’m going through, yet the opposite. I hope I don’tbecome psychologically damaged.”8“Astaghfirullah, why would you say something like that?” Yusuf said and it made mefeel embarrassed.“Sorry, carry on.”

“They actually treated her much worse than you’ve been treated. And my fatherdidn’t do anything about it. So my mum had to take control of the situation and sheended up building this whole life out of nothing, singlehandedly. She didn’t reallyhave any support. Not like you do, with your huge family. She was alone. And thenwhen things were getting better, her son passes away.”“Is that really enough to make a person psychologically damaged?” I asked.10“Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. But that’s one of the reasons why she’s sort ofbitter. It’s no excuse but, that’s the reason. Well a part of it anyway.”1“Interesting.” If Yusuf was talking about anyone else, I would have felt reallysympathetic towards them. But seeing the amount Yusuf had to suffer because ofhis mum, I couldn’t find it in my heart to find that much sympathy. I did feel sorryfor her, but it wasn’t enough to justify what she was doing. I was wondering whetherI had gotten stronger or my heart had hardened. I was hoping I had just grownstronger.5When we got home, to our little flat, my emotions were still heightened. Speakingup today felt thrilling. It felt sort of good to have let that all out. I told Yusuf to sit onthe sofa as I explored the place.“We have everything we need, right? A fridge, cooker, oven, washing machine,microwave…”3“Don’t worry, we have everything.” He assured me.“How did you do it? Get everything so quickly. I mean, did you really have money forall of this? It is all very expensive when put together.”“Yes Safia, I’ve been saving for so long now. But we know that there isn’t muchmoney left. What I fear is that we’ll have more money going out than coming in.”“Don’t worry about the money. I said I’ll help. Now tell me, how did you geteverything so quickly?”

“Well, this place was going for cheaper than any other flat you could buy right awaybecause it had all these problems. Luckily, most of them could be fixed by a plumber.So, I brought the place and used a whole weekend to fix the place up. Then I’d comehere every day after work and clean it up, install things and decorate it. Most ofthese things I bought were the cheapest things I could buy off the internet so thequality may not be too good, I’m sorry about that. But it was the best I could do withall these limitations of time and money.”9“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”“But you should. You deserve much better! I wish, Safia, I wish I had more to giveyou.”6“Stop stressing so much Yusuf. I’m happy!” I sat sitting down and cuddling next tohim. “I like this, it’s nice. And we have privacy.”“I guess so.” Yusuf said stroking my hair. “Hey, did you get a haircut?”“Finally you notice! I dyed it too! It was supposed to come out a little more brownbut it only came out a shade lighter than the dark hair I had before.” I sat back andpulled my hair to the front, styling it.61“No wonder you look different. I thought it was just the light makeup and clothes.”“Do you like it?”“I love it, it looks beautiful.” He said running his fingers through my hair.2“You’re just saying that because you have to.”“I’m really not. I can’t be bothered to have this discussion. I find you beautiful; you’renot going to believe me.” I grinned as I hugged him again.“I missed you too much.”“I missed you too.” He said. “The amount of hugs you’ve given me today.”“I have a whole month worth of hugs to make up for. But if you don’t want me to,fine.” I started sliding away. He grabbed my waist and pulled me close.7“Can you believe that? We spent a whole month apart. It was supposed to be ourfirst Ramadan together.”1“Don’t remind me Yusuf. It hurts every time I think about it.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s fast for the sunnah 6 days of shawwal (Islamic month)together.”5“Yes! We should totally do that!” I said, suddenly feeling very excited. “Starting fromtomorrow!” I couldn’t wait. It was going to be so fun. It wasn’t going to be like Iplanned, but it would be nice to have a meal with Yusuf before dawn and after dusk.I thought meals were very romantic because of the presence of food. Food and aperson you love was an amazing combination. And eating food with a person youlove at a time when everyone else was sleeping was even better!21“Safia! How do you get so lost in your thoughts that you really can’t hear whensomeone’s calling you?” Yusuf said and I had to shake out of my vivid day dream ofus eating pizza for suhoor (time before dawn). It would probably give me a stomachache to eat that at suhoor, but the mental image was nice.21“Sorry, what were you saying?”“Are you ready to go home?”“It’s not evening yet.” I wanted to be alone with Yusuf for longer.“But I’m hungry and there’s no food in the fridge. And your house smelt delicious.”2“Should we go grocery shopping?”“Can we eat first?”“Okay, let’s go.” I said using his beard to pull myself up.25“If you pull my beard one more time I will tickle you again!”2“No! I’m sorry. I’ll never pull your beard again.” Then I pulled it and ran into outbedroom shutting the door behind me doing an evil laugh.4“Safia, come out. We’ve got to go to your parents’ house.”“No, you’re going to tickle me!”“Yes, but we’ve also got to go to your parents’ house.” I could feel him trying to openthe door but I was sitting with my back against it.1

“Hold on, let me put my abaya and hijab on.” Still keeping my foot against the door,I reached over to the bed to get my abaya and hijab. Then I awkwardly put it onbefore I prepared myself for what I was going to do next. Taking a few deep breaths,I opened the door and dashed past Yusuf to the door of the flat. I quickly opened itand ran down the stairs and out to the street as fast as I could. Yusuf followed meshortly.2“Where are you going to run?” He said with a cheeky smile.“If you dare tickle me, I will scream for help and you’ll look like a criminal.”“Would you really do that?”“When someone’s tickling me, yes I would.” I flinched thinking Yusuf was going totickle me as he took my hand and led me to the car. When we sat inside, Yusufbecame serious.“I’m really surprised you’re so full of energy after what happened with my mum.”“I’m surprised too. But I guess the joy of being with you after so long is outweighingthe bad feelings.” Yusuf grinned at me.“You’ve gotten stronger Safia.” That made me more certain that my heart hadn’thardened. It also made me see recent events with a new perspective. Maybe allthese crazy things that had happened were really for the best. It helped me developas a person. People’s words didn’t affect me as much as they used to.

Chapter 39.Yusuf’s POVSafia was spending a lot of time at her parents' house even though we were happilytogether again. On our first shopping trip, I didn’t have the heart to say no to Safiaso I let her get what she wanted. She went grocery shopping once with Hafsa afterwe did when we began running low on supplies. It was after the 6 days of fastingthat we went shopping again.Before we left for the supermarket, I had to explain everything to Safia. So I sat downon our bed with her next to me.“We can only get things we need.” I told her. “We seriously need to start savingagain which means we need to be really cautious with money. Besides, you’re atyour parents’ house most of the day so I don’t think this should be a problem.”“About that, I talked to my manager. I may start working more days, in’sha’allah.That means I won’t be at mum and dad’s house all the time.”“Okay, that’s up to you. But we still need to be careful. Please don’t pick out thingswe don’t really necessarily need, like muffins and cakes. I really don’t want to say noto you.”“Can I get ingredients for cakes?”16“What did I just say to you?” I asked sighing. Safia looked back at me blankly. “Don’tmake me say no.”2“I don’t get it. What are you suggesting? What are we supposed to eat? Why is foodsuch a problem?” I knew Safia didn’t understand the extent of this problem. She’dprobably never even thought of having such little money. At the moment, I was onthe verge of asking someone for help. But that was my very last option. My nextwages were going to come in two weeks’ time.“It’s not only food. It’s everything. I think you’re just more worried about the food.”“Stop making me feel like I’m fat.” She said putting her hands over her stomach self-consciously. I chuckled.“Loving food doesn’t make you fat. I love food too. But we need to-“

“I know. We need to be careful. Hence we barely switch the lights on.” She saidcounting it on her fingers. “Thank Allah it’s summer and the nights are short. Andwe can’t keep the fan on all night. And we have to use the least amount of water wecan, especially hot water. At least we don’t need heating just yet, that’s even moreexpensive. Winter’s going to be hard.”21“Right, anything else you have to say to make me feel worse?” Safia looked up at mewith panic.1“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m just trying to process everythingthat’s happening. I’m sorry. Besides, everything’s great! I can live without cakes,you’ll see.” The hot day was adding to my exhaustion. I didn’t know how I was goingto handle this. I had this constant worry that Safia would become distant with me. Icouldn’t fulfil all her wants and needs. But I was going to try to make it up to her inother ways. I didn’t know how but I would.1When we got to the supermarket, I whispered into Safia’s ear again,1“Don’t make me say no.” She nodded and we went further in. We stopped near thebakery section and got some bread. Near the bread, Safia saw some fancy lookingdoughnuts.“They look so delicious! Can we buy it just this once, please?” I looked at the price.It was expensive for a box of doughnuts! But I couldn’t resist. I held out the basketto let her put it in. She put the doughnuts back on the shelf. “Goodness graciousYusuf, you gave me a whole lecture yet you were going to let me buy that? It doesn’teven taste that good.” I raised an eyebrow at her.9“So you were testing me?” She nodded. “Now do you understand how hard it is forme to say no?”“Why? Just say it.”“It would be much easier if you weren’t so beautiful.” I said in a low voice so onlyshe could hear. She walked away from me with a big grin on her face. I followed herto where the milk was. She put one bottle into the basket and went over to get eggs.By now I was bored. She was going through the products and comparing their priceswhile I just stood, looking around hoping that we could get home soon. Then I sawa friend of mine. He saw me too and walked over.16“Asalamu’alaykum Abubakar! Haven’t seen you in a very long time.”100

“Wa’alaykumsalaam. Me neither! How have you been? I heard you got married!” Iloved telling people I got married.2“Yeah, alhamdulillah.”“So what are you doing here?”5“Just shopping with my wife.” I replied, standing in front of Safia. I didn’t want herto feel left out but I definitely didn’t want another man looking at my wife, judginghow she looked. Safia turned around and Abubakar froze. So did Safia. It made mefeel alarmed and uncomfortable. Then Safia slowly turned back to the shelvespicking out which washing powder she wanted.“That’s your wife?” Abubakar asked.5“Yes, do you know her?”“Yeah, we used to go to the same school. Small world.”11“Yeah.” I was debating with myself to see if it was reasonable for me to be annoyedat him. The way they looked at each other was not how old classmates looked ateach other. It was as if they had some bad history. Abubakar must have sensed myuneasiness as he walked off saying salaam.“That was awkward.” Safia mumbled to herself but I overheard.1“Safia, tell me honestly, what was that all about?”“You want me to be completely and utterly honest?” She asked. I waited for herresponse. “It was nothing. I don’t think this is a conversation that we should behaving here, in public.”2“No, you have to tell me!”2“Not here! Don’t worry, it’s not that bad.” Not that bad meant it was bad. But I didn’twant to get into an argument.“Fine. To be continued when we get home.” We began walking towards the counterwhen Safia got distracted.“Oh look at this huge bar of chocolate only 99p!” I rubbed my forehead forcingmyself to say the next words.

“A little adds to a lot.” Safia put the chocolate down and took a step towards thecounter when I stopped her. “You can get it of you like.”2“It’s okay. I’ll just get chocolates of mum.” She said giving me a sneaky smile. Icouldn’t help but smile back.3We finished the shopping and got home just before Asr. I dumped all the bags in thekitchen and left to pray. When I got back, Safia had finished praying too. It was a pitythere wasn’t a woman’s side of the mosque. I had to remember suggesting theymake one. I didn’t like leaving Safia at home alone. That wasn’t something she wasused to.10A part of me didn’t want to bring up the topic of Abubakar again but my curiositytook over. While we were putting all the things in their rightful places, I asked Safiato tell me about Abubakar.“Uncle Yahya once mentioned him for me to consider as a possible future spouse.Sort of.”“You were thinking about marrying Abubakar?” I asked, my jaw dropping. Safiadidn’t reply. “What happened?”“I’d rather not talk about it.” I went up to her and cupped her face with my hands.“Please tell me because I’m getting some really weird thoughts here.” I was thinkingabout them possibly having been engaged, betrothed, forbidden lovers, all sorts!7“I wanted to get married and Hafsa reminded me about Abubakar who used to goto the same school as us. I thought he was decent so Faiza went and told UncleYahya, then Uncle Yahya went to his house to talk about the proposal. They camearound and Abubakar said he preferred Hafsa.” In some ways I was relieved but inother ways I was even more disturbed. I put my hands on the counter behind Safia,leaning forward towards her.“When was this?”“Around the time when you first came around our house.”“So those people who came around,” I said, recalling things I had forgotten about.“And the shouting I heard through the phone call…”“Hafsa lost her temper. And everyone else was talking in shock and trying to consoleme.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”“I didn’t think it was relevant.”1“But that happened after I spoke to Hamza about you.”1“So? I didn’t know anything about you then. And you knew about them comingaround anyway. What is there to tell? I didn’t know you knew Abubakar.” She saidbut I wasn’t satisfied.“You didn’t tell me he chose Hafsa over you.”“Why does that even matter?” It didn’t but there was something about this annoyingme and I couldn’t figure it out. “I’m married to you now, so it all worked out for thebest.”“But why didn’t you tell me?” Something felt wrong.“Yusuf you’re not making sense.”“I just feel aggravated.”“Why? Because he chose Hafsa over me? You would have probably have done thesame if you saw us before we got married.”“No! I would have chosen you. I did choose you!”2“That’s because you hadn’t seen us.” I never told Safia that I had seen her that day.She had this whole idea in her head about how romantic it was to have seen eachother for the very first time on our wedding day. I had been planning on telling her,and this was the perfect opportunity.“I saw you that day, at Sheikh Khalid Yasin’s talk. You were with Hafsa and Sara. Youwere wearing a navy blue hijab and I remember thinking there was something aboutyou that drew me in. I wasn’t sure whether you were Hafsa or Safia but I went aheadwith marrying you because you had the most amazing personality.”5“Oh.” Then her lips formed into a grin. “You liked me over Hafsa?”4“Yeah.”“You’re blind!” She said happily. “Seriously, you’re blind! Everyone says Hafsa’sbeautiful!”11

“Well I think my Safia’s more beautiful.” I gave her a little peck on the nose and shelooked down. “Aww has my Safia gone shy?” I said putting my forehead againsthers.35“Stop it.” She said leaning into my shoulder. I secured my arms around her enjoyingthe moment of pure bliss. Then Safia moved back. “Let’s make dinner.”“Okay, what are we making?”“Brown rice with lentils.”3“We had that yesterday!”“We can have… Tea and toast?”“We had that this morning! Okay, I’ll boil the rice.”1We cooked and ate but there was still something at the back of my mind. It was asif I should be annoyed at something but I couldn’t figure it out. It was something todo with Abubakar. There was one thing for sure, I didn’t like him anymore.3When we went to bed after Isha, Safia asked how I knew him.“The way most Muslims brothers know each other. Met him at mosque a few times.He goes around to different mosques for activities and lectures. That’s probably howhe ended up here. I don’t want to see him again.”“You’re exaggerating Yusuf. You should be happy about what happened, otherwisewe might not be married today.” Then it clicked.1“If Abubakar didn’t choose Hafsa, would you have married him?” I asked although Ialready knew the answer. Safia became thoughtful before she replied,“Probably. But I’m glad I didn’t.”“Hmm.” She would have married Abubakar. “Did you like him?”“I’m going to go sleep now.” Of course she did. “I only considered him.” She saidafter a while. “I didn’t like him that much.” But she did like him.11

Of course she did. He was a really good guy. He was practicing, good looking, had agood heart, a good job and he was rich. He could have given Safia so much morethan I could. I think I was jealous of him. Jealous of the fact that he might have beena better husband than me. If only Safia knew how much I loved her and how guilty Ifelt for giving her this life when she deserved much better. She acted as if she washappy and everything was fine but I knew that she had her doubts. I saw her eyeslingering towards different snacks at the supermarket. I couldn’t even get hersomething so small and simple.25“I love you Safia.” I said giving her a kiss on the forehead before going to sleep. Thatwas the only thing I had to give. But as much as I wished it was enough, real lifewasn’t as easy as that. It was unfortunate that materialistic things could come in theway of love and marriage. I just prayed that wouldn’t happen.5“I love you too.” She mumbled into her pillow. That gave me some comfort.14---2Author's note:I reached 2 million reads!!! That means, in 26 days I got 1 Million reads. WOW!!!THANK YOU! Thank you all for reading! Thank you so much :)

Chapter 40.Safia’s POV7This was a lot harder than I expected. I guess I had really been living a very luxuriouslife before. I never had to think twice about buying something that had a price undera pound. But I didn’t need any of these things. They were all things I wanted. Butobviously, I had to put my needs before wants.5I never knew how Yusuf was so self-reliant. He disliked help from anyone. He refusedit every time I told him I could ask someone for help. Not dad, but Uncle Yahya oreven Hamza.I was due to start my third year of university soon. I had a conversation with mymanager and she said I couldn’t work more days if I was going to go back to one daya week when I was back at uni. So I had started applying at other places where Icould maybe work as a temp.3A week before Yusuf was to receive his monthly wages, he looked really stressed.“What’s up with you?” I asked, massaging his stiff shoulders.“Same old.”“It’s just money Yusuf.”“Safia, that would have been okay if we were living on a farm or something but we’reliving in a city where every little thing runs on money. You can’t even drink waterwithout money.”“But surely things aren’t that bad.” Or maybe I was just in denial. This whole thingseemed unreal to me.2“In three weeks we spent over one month’s wages. If we carry on like this, we’ll havenothing.”“I’m trying Yusuf. I’m not used to this, I’m sorry. I am trying though.”“It’s not your fault. I’m not saying that at all. ” He said comforting me. We hadconversations about finance too often. It struck me how little I knew. I just relied ondad to pay for everything. It never worried me at all. So now I didn’t know how toreact, I didn’t know what to do. “I need to find a better job.”1

“Same.” We sat and thought for a while before an idea struck me. “You said youfixed this place up, right?”2“Yeah.”“That means you must be good at plumbing even though you haven’t finished yourtraining. Why don’t you see if you can get any jobs on the side? If people need aplumber, instead of calling a plumbing agency, they can call you. You can do it for aslightly cheaper price but we’ll still have more money coming in.”“That’s not a bad idea.”1“Of course it’s not a bad idea. It’s my idea!” I said, initiating all my ideas were good.3“You’re smart, but not that smart.”“I know. I forgot to tell you the results I got for my second year. They were soaverage. I wanted to get a first! I blame you.”“Me? Why do you blame me?”“Because you distracted me from my exams. I found myself thinking about you halfway through an exam.” Yusuf laughed.6“Really? What were you thinking about?”“It started with an Arabic word you taught me a few days before the exam. Then Istarted thinking of the way you had your arm on my shoulder while you were helpingme. I nearly got lost in the daydream before I remembered that the clock was tickingand I had an exam to finish.”“Did you remember the word?”“Na’am (Yes). It was taht, meaning under.” I said proudly remembering it.“See, I didn’t distract you. I was helping you.”“I knew that word anyway. I learnt it in my first year. You only reminded me.”9“Reminding is helping.” Seeing I was losing this debate, I changed the topic.2“We’ve got to get Hamza and Amy together.”5