A Muslim's Romantic Journey

When Safia arrived, she was really surprised to see me. She began to bombard mewith questions about why I was at home early. I forced myself to smile and madeher sit down and get comfortable.I plated the dinner and served it to her. She refused it saying she felt sick.“I won’t tell you why I’m home early if you don’t eat.” After much debating, wesettled on an agreement that I would tell Safia the reason if she cleared at least halfher plate.“Done,” She said a while later, swallowing the last bite.“A little bit more?”“No more food. You have to tell me, I’m stressing here.”“Okay. Before I tell you, I want you to know that everything will be fine, okay? Youand I are together, we’re going to have beautiful children, you’re going to graduatefrom university, I’m going to become a plumber so things are going to get better.”“Yusuf you’re scaring me. What happened?”“I’m losing my job because the company’s closing down. But it’s okay. It’s nothing toworry about. I’ll apply elsewhere and in’sha’allah I’ll have a job again soon. Besides,we still have time till the babies come.” Safia sighed, as if in defeat.“Another problem?” She asked.“It doesn’t matter. I mean, something worse could have happened. This is only aminor issue. Mark my words, Safia. In the near future, this moment will beinsignificant and maybe even forgotten. Things will get better so don’t worry.” Safialeaned against my shoulder.“I understand. Allah won’t burden us with more that we can bear.” Safia’s expressiondidn’t match what she was saying. She looked so fed up and tired. I held her closeand softly kissed her cheek, hoping to relieve her of some anxiety.If only I could make it up to her. I knew that some of these things were out of mycontrol and I was trying my best but I hated seeing Safia frown. I hated being thecause of the frown. I hated this feeling of being a disappointment. I always tried mybest but ended up failing people.11

Maybe it was exactly this yearning of being someone who could be relied on,someone who meant a lot, someone who had some value, which made me end uplike this. Maybe I did rush into marriage without thinking. Now I was paying theconsequences along with my wife and possibly my future children.

Chapter 58.Hamza’s POVWhat first got me interested in Amy was how Safia spoke about her. Safia had manyfriends but none were as important to her as Hafsa and the rest of the girls in thefamily. They fulfilled the role of friends in Safia’s life. So it was strange to see Safiatalking so much about another girl. Amy became one of Safia’s closest friendsoutside the family.But sometimes, even those best friends can drift away. Gradually, Safia lost touchwith Amy and they moved on. I didn’t care for Amy much at that time, but I didwonder what happened to her. Safia didn’t socialize much and I wanted her to havefriends outside the family. There was Safia’s friend Layla but she wasn’t as close toSafia as Amy was. Safia didn’t speak about her as much.Then Safia and Amy became friends again even though Amy was moving toGermany. Safia started to talk about Amy again and I always found myself intrigued.Well, converts were quite intriguing. During this time, I grew a soft spot for Amywhich I thought was just some sympathy.Finally, Amy returned. It wasn’t her beauty or anything which made me want tomarry her. I had seen Amy before so I knew she was pretty. I was never interestedbecause she didn’t have the qualities I wished for. I also had high standards whichwere lowered as I matured. After she moved, I heard so much about Amy’sdevelopments and the person she was becoming. She was even better than all mystandards I had set as an immature kid.When I caught a glimpse of her, it just confirmed that the amazing person Safiaalways spoke of actually existed. I could see she was different. However, I was stillunsure due to her past. Especially after everything that happened with Javed. Herlife before she became a Muslim also troubled me but I put those thoughts aside.When she converted to Islam, Allah forgave all her previous sins so I felt it was justwrong of me to not be able to look past that.2I knew her past was something which haunted her. I couldn’t let something like thatprevent me from being with her. She was more than anything I had hoped for. I onlyrealized exactly how special she was after I married her.

I didn’t want to admit this to Amy. Although sometimes she would make me feel likethe luckiest man in the world, other times, I don’t feel so lucky. One of those timeswas right now.1“Get your lazy butt off the sofa and do something useful.” She said and I groaned.2“I’m tired! I just came back from work!”“You want to hear about my day? I went to work, where my manager decided toswamp a whole load of work on me only a few minutes before I was about to leaveand then I went to see mum and did some chores there to help her out and then Icame home and now I’m helping your mum out too. You should be doing the same!Guests are coming around tomorrow morning!” I couldn’t really argue with that. ButI tried anyway.“But I didn’t ask the guests to come…”15“Neither did I! But they’re coming. Moreover, they’re coming to see us andcongratulate us.” She forced a mop into my hand. “Get to work.”“Amy! You’re so mean!” I said forcing myself off the soft comfortable sofa whichlooked like it was calling out to me.1“I don’t understand why you’re not fat yet being such a lazy bum.”“Are you trying to call me fit?” I nudged her playfully. Hafsa cleared her throat.12“There are children present in this room.” She said pointing to my younger brotherAmaan.“I’m not a child anymore! I’m a man now. Look, my beard is beginning to grow.” Hestroked his chin fondly.19“So far, all I see are side burns. Looks good on you, Elvis.” Amaan glared at me,causing me to laugh at my own joke. Amy took my arm and pulled me out of theroom. Taking me to the front door, she ordered me,“Start mopping from here and work your way throughout the whole house.”5“Sometimes I really doubt you love me.” I pouted.2“When did I ever say I did love you?”21“That hurt, Amy. It hurt me right here.” I put my hand on my heart.10

“I know what you’re doing! Stop delaying your chores and get to work!” I gave inand did as she said. Starting from that one corner, I mopped up the entire floor. Atone point, some of the girls from my family sat there watching me as if I wasentertaining them. Hafsa even made popcorn.64I know men are supposed to help out with housework but I wasn’t used to it. I wasspoilt rotten. It was mainly the women in my house who did all the housework. ButAmy made it her goal to change that, starting with her easiest target. Me.12As lazy as I was and as much as I hated chores, this did make me admire her andquite possibly adore her. Well she was very adorable. And I loved her strongpersonality and the way she was passionate about everything. Once she was set ona goal, she would do all she could to achieve it. That’s why she stayed in Germanyfor around three years, practically on her own, and finished her degree. That musthave been hard.I was exhausted when I was done. I threw the mop in the corner and slumped intoa chair.1“The mop’s not going to wash itself.” Amy said handing it back to me.2“No, please. I’ve done enough for today.”1“All you have left to do is wash it!”2“Mum, Amy’s being so horrible to me!” I said complaining to my mum who washighly amused by the situation.2“Amy, why are you being horrible to my useless son who is incapable of washing amop?” She asked Amy with a smile on her face.20“I am not useless! I just cleaned the whole floor. Look, it’s sparkling clean! That’susefulness.”2“Just wash this,” Amy said. “I won’t ask you to do any more work… For today.” Mymum and wife had teamed up against me so I had no other option. I had to washthe mop.5

Although I was done after washing the mop, I was still eagerly awaiting Amy’sfreedom from all that cooking and cleaning. She wasn’t finished until it was time forbed. Things would get done a lot quicker if she wouldn’t have a conversation witheveryone while doing everything. Although I was planning on moaning about this toher, I was overjoyed knowing she got on with my family so well. She fit in perfectly.“You took your time.” I said, getting into bed.“I’ve just got to iron these clothes now.”“Why does this work never end?”1“It doesn’t end if you think of it as something you’d rather not be doing. It all has tobe done so embrace it and enjoy it. You’re giving minor things too muchsignificance.” I took out the ironing board.3“Let me do that.” I pulled her away from the pile of clothes she was going throughand sat her on the bed. Then, for possibly one of the first times in my life, I startedironing clothes. It wasn’t too bad. Actually, it wasn’t bad at all.6“How’s your mum doing?” I asked. I knew she was very slowly getting better. I mether sometimes and I often told Amy to bring her around. My father in law still wasn’tvery accepting of the situation so we couldn’t bring Mrs Faber around too often, norcould I visit unless it was a really special occasion, like my funeral.50“She’s a little better than when you last saw her. She can speak almost perfectlynow.”“That’s good, alhamdulillah.”“Have you heard from Safia yet?” Amy asked.“I actually haven’t. We spoke very briefly about the world cup and that’s all.”2“That’s weird. Maybe she’s just really busy.”“Yeah. Or maybe she’s being forced to do chores by her husband the way I’m beingforced to do chores by my wife. We’re a cursed brother and sister.” I shook my headsadly.16“Safia isn’t a lazy bum like you so I doubt she’s forced into doing anything. Ifanything, I’m cursed with a man who has all the energy to play football but none tohelp his poor little wife with just a tiny bit of work.”

“Excuse me? What am I doing right now?” I stepped back pointing at the one shirt Ihad been ironing the whole time.1“Let me see how well you’re doing.” Amy got up to inspect my shirt. “You’re slow,but you’re doing well. What do you think?”“I think I’m doing extremely well.”“Good. Now you can do the ironing from now on.” She said giving me a pat on theback.20“You sly, evil woman!” I exclaimed and Amy gave me a kiss on my cheek.“Sometimes I doubt you really love me.” She mimicked what I had said earlier.“Well then get rid of all those doubts.” A look of shock was rare on Amy’s face sowhen she was taken aback, I laughed a little causing her to slap me on my arm.5“I knew you were joking.”“Who said I was joking? I’m serious.” I looked into her eyes to show her that mystatement was genuine. She gave me a hug and I hugged her back. That hug turnedinto a little more and I forgot about my shirt and burnt it. It doesn’t matter, it wasold anyway.32Amy was making me a better person and I loved her for it. I loved Amy.8Amy’s POV5It took nearly a whole week for me to start seeing the Hamza that Safia so oftenspoke about. He was awfully quiet at first. But then he turned into a big flirt and hewas exactly how Safia had warned me.6I couldn’t have been happier about being married into this household. It was like Ihad a huge family now. I felt these people loved me more than some of my ownfamily, specifically my sister who still hadn’t come over to see mum.5I didn’t marry Hamza with any intention of changing him. I was prepared to accepthim exactly how he was. But I disliked the system in the household of the womendoing housework. I planned on changing that for the sake of the women in thehouse. They didn’t mind the chores but I knew they would be happy if the menhelped out a little more.

It was also really fun to boss Hamza about and watch him do some work. I think heenjoyed it too even though he moaned about every little task I set him.Hamza had sort of confessed his love for me and I was extremely flattered. I knewhe didn’t expect me to say it back. We weren’t the ‘I love you’ kind of couples. Thatwas more like Safia and Yusuf, really cheesy. But it suited them. Hamza, on the otherhand, would never be able to say a cheesy line with a straight face.4In fact, Hamza never had a straight face. He always looked mischievous, like his mindwas planning on a way to annoy his next victim. I pretended that I didn’t like thisabout him as I constantly told him off for annoying others. But we both knew thatthis was something I found so charming.7I found myself, every day, waiting impatiently to see Hamza, just to have him in frontof me, entertaining me with his silliness. When I was at work or mum’s house, I triedto hurry and rush home. When I was at home but Hamza was away, my eyes wereglued to the extremely slow clock.Although my dad still strongly disapproved of Hamza, my mum was really fond ofhim. I found out his nervousness when we first met was only around me. That mademe feel sort of special.“Asalamu’alaykum!” I said to everyone as I wheeled my mum into the house. Theguests left early and I asked Hamza’s mum whether it was okay to bring my mumaround. Her favourite food was made.“Wa’alaykumsalaam.” Everyone chorused.“Mama!” Hamza ran down the stairs towards my mum, taking her wheelchair awayfrom me. “How are you?” He asked.6“Getting better every day. What’s that word you say? Alhamudi…”19“Alhamdulillah.”“Praise be to Allah. Is it okay if I said it in English?”“That’s fine. Are you thinking of becoming Muslim now?” Hamza asked. It wassomething he asked often and my mum always replied the same,1

“I’m not sure.” I discussed this with mum. She really liked Islam and Muslims, butshe didn’t view Islam the way Muslims did. She saw it as a religion which peoplefollowed, like a small aspect of their life, not a way of life that made people who theywere. She said she would secretly become Muslim for my sake, to make me happy.But I wanted her to become a Muslim for the sake of Islam, not for me. She was alsoreally afraid of dad. I hadn’t given up though. I was continuously preaching to myparents through my actions as I knew the words annoyed them.1Everyone welcomed my mum, each person conversing with her about differentthings. I watched the beautiful scene from a distance and felt someone behind me.“I was thinking we should keep mum here. Look how happy she is.” Hamza said intomy ear.1“That’s a great idea but dad needs her. No matter what he says and does, he’shuman. Mum means the world to him and without her, he’d be really lonely. I don’twant to do that to him.” I heard Hamza mutter something under his breath. “Whatdid you say?”“Nothing.”“If it was something against my dad…” Hamza looked guilty. “I know you don’t likehim but you have to understand, he’s my dad. He’s a good person. He raised me; Iknow what kind of person he is. It’s this whole converting to Islam thing which haschanged him. But he’s still good, look how well he takes care of mum. I want to makethis clear. No matter what you think of dad, please don’t say anything bad abouthim.”“Okay. I’m sorry.” I gave a nod and turned my attention back on mum. “Aren’t yougoing to forgive me?” Just to see what he did, I ignored him. “Fine, let me make itup to you.” He said putting his hand over my shoulder.“How do you plan on doing that?” I asked and in response, Hamza wiggled hiseyebrows. “Get off me you weirdo.” I said pushing him away and he just chuckled. Iloved my weirdo.

Chapter 59.Safia’s POVIf I felt this awful now, I wondered how awful I would feel when the twins came. Iwas still suffering from sickness and Yusuf still hadn’t found a job. He becameofficially jobless shortly after his manager had told the workers the company wasclosing down. His pretense wasn’t working with me. I knew how he felt, I could telljust by his eyes and the stiffness in his fake smile.A couple of weeks before we could find out the gender of our babies, Yusuf had hisfourth interview. I had a good feeling that he would get a job soon. When he camehome, that hope sunk. He frowned as he shrugged off his jacket.1“What happened this time?”“The person interviewing me was female. She put out her hand for me to shake andI refused it. Her friendly expression changed into a scowl and the interview didn’t govery well.” Although I was upset to hear this, I was proud of Yusuf. He even kept hishands away from a formal greeting for the sake of Allah. And it made me feel specialthat every inch of him was only for me!50“Maybe the next interview will go well. Stay hopeful.” I said, taking a seat next tohim and stroking his arm reassuringly. That wall of pretense was gone. He wasn’tforcing himself to look happy and optimistic.“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll fail that one, and the one after, and the one after that. We’reat the point where we’re actually poor now. You’re pregnant and we don’t haveenough money for maternity clothes or those vitamins doctors advise for pregnantwomen to take.”10“You mean like folic acid? That’s not a must. I’m pretty sure my mum didn’t takeanything when any of us were born and we came out just fine. I think. As formaternity clothes, half my abayas are really baggy so it’s okay. I don’t need anythingnew.”3“Are you planning on wearing abayas all the time?”“I don’t mind. By the way, take a look at the size of my belly now. It’s getting biggerevery day. How cool is that?” I said, hoping to change the subject.1“That’s the whole point. Anyway, have you eaten today?”

“Of course!” I had a little breakfast in the morning. I was going to eat lunch but therewasn’t enough in the cupboards to eat lunch and have dinner for me and Yusuf. Ididn’t let it get to me though. It was bad enough that one of us wasn’t coping withthis situation well.10“Have you eaten since we had breakfast?” I didn’t answer him. “Safia, please eat, forour children’s sake. I don’t mind starving, as long as I know you and the childrenhave enough.”“I’m not going to let you starve! Stop exaggerating.”“What can we do though? I’m so close to asking someone from a loan and I reallydon’t want to do that.”“Why not? Is this some sort of ego or pride thing?” I asked feeling frustrated.“No! I want to earn my money. I don’t want to rely on someone else. I don’t want tofeel indebted.”3“Well the world doesn’t revolve around your wants and needs.” It may havesounded harsh but I thought Yusuf was being silly now. If he was so worried abouthis children and he thought he needed the money, why not ask? I was sure dad orHamza would be willing to help.“You think I don’t know that? If the world revolved around my wants, I wouldn’thave freaking arthritis. I wouldn’t be in this tiny flat! I wouldn’t be so useless!”“I don’t care about any of these things so I don’t understand why you’re getting soworked up. What is it that you want?”1“I want a wife and two children who are happy and taken care of.”“The children aren’t even born yet! And I am happy! I’m happy with everything. I’mhappy with his house, your arthritis. I mean, I’m not happy that you have arthritis, Imean, I don’t mind it. I want to help make the pain go but it doesn’t make me loveyou any less.”5“Lies,” He scoffed. “You admitted it yourself that you disliked it.”5“When?” I asked sitting up straight. I wish I hadn’t asked that question.“I recall you saying, I don’t want to stay with you and your stupid-“1

“Don’t you dare bring that up!” I shouted, flinching at those words being repeated.“It’s true though! You’re embarrassed of me. You hate that limp I get when thearthritis flares up. Admit it!”“Do you want to know the complete truth of how I see your limp? It makes me feela little better about myself. I don’t feel as inferior to you. I don’t want you to be inpain but I’m glad that you have at least one visible flaw which makes me look onlyslightly more suitable for you.” I barely admitted this to myself, yet I was blurtingthis out to Yusuf.3“So you think you’re not good enough for me so you’re happy about my arthritis?”He asked confused.“No! I mean, I don’t know. I’m obviously not happy! I don’t want you to suffer.” Ohlord, what had I got myself into? Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut the moment Igot a little angry? I shouldn’t have said what was on my mind. I thought it would helpthe situation though. I think it just got worse.5“I don’t know whether that’s an insult or what.” Yusuf thought about it.“It’s a tough one. I don’t want you to have arthritis and be in pain. Let’s just makethat clear. I hate to see you in any sort of pain. But when you limp a little, I don’t seeit as bad. I don’t think much of it. As for feeling inferior, people see you and they seeme, and they think we don’t make a good couple.” I just about saved myself fromsounding like a heartless person.“Who thinks that?”“Society.” I replied.“Does society really think that or do you just think society thinks that?”“One word being repeated too many times! It’s confusing me.”“You’re confusing me!”“Okay, let me give you an example. Javed said you could have done better.” Yusufrolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak but I interrupted. “No, listen to me.Javed said that. Your mum says the same thing. That friend of yours we met whenwe came back from our honeymoon, he thought so too. I see women sometimesglaring at me in the streets while I walk next to you.”10

“I think you’re paranoid. Mum doesn’t dislike you for your looks or whatever. Javedactually respects you now, kind of. He said he wanted a wife like you.” My jawactually dropped. Javed said that? “That friend used to be my classmate in schoolwho I once beat up so his opinion doesn’t count.” He said shrugging. “And who onearth glares at you for being with me? Do you know how many times I was rejectedbefore I married you? Alhamdulillah for every rejection though. It got me to you.”He was trying to be sweet and move on with this conversation but it just arousedmy curiosity.“You beat him up? Why?”6“That’s what you got from everything I just said?” I innocently smiled. I had quite alot of questions to ask and I didn’t know where to begin. “I can’t remember why Ibeat him up. I was always in fights back then. Let’s just say it was a beating in advancefor making you upset.” I grinned and I noticed how our heated argument just turnedinto a strangely nice conversation without us realizing.“And what did Javed mean by-““You want me to expand on everything I said, don’t you?”“You know me well.” So then Yusuf told me about a conversation he had with Javedabout marriage. He told me Javed considered Hafsa which made me feel uneasy. Iknow Javed was slowly changing but I wanted someone who was outstandinglyamazing for Hafsa. I feel that was what she deserved. Besides, she wasn’t looking toget married any time soon. Yusuf also told me about his rejections and although Idisliked those girls, I was grateful for their misfortune of missing out on being thewife of Yusuf.10I was grateful that we didn’t continue talking about how I oddly felt better aboutmyself because of Yusuf’s arthritis. I felt horrible feeling this way. He suffered somuch on some days. I wanted to take the pain away from him. If I could have, I wouldhave taken his arthritis for him so he could run around and play football, letting thechild inside of him free.5We went off topic, thanks to my brain which spiraled from one thought to anotherrapidly. Just before Yusuf was about to leave to go to the mosque, he decided toapologise.1“Safia, I know I can’t give you much but know that I’m sorry-“

“For the last time, stop apologizing!” I said forcefully. “Stop blaming yourself foreverything. It’s stupid! And it might even be sinful. This is the Qadr of Allah, this isthe fate Allah has destined for us. You need to change your mentality and see thisas something which was inevitable. You didn’t cause this issue so stop beatingyourself up over it.” He nodded and apologized again!15I think he had more insecurities than I did! But most of my insecurities were aboutmy looks which was stupid. Yusuf’s insecurities were worse, I was learning that now.It made him feel guilty in more ways than one. I had to help him get rid of them. Thiswas awful on so many levels.How I would do it? I had no idea. Maybe I should tell him more often about howhappy I was. Maybe I needed to appreciate him verbally so he knew what was in myheart. Communication was significant in marriage. I had to destroy any barriersbetween us. We were husband and wife; we should share things and seek comfortin each other.1I prayed myself while I waited for Yusuf to return. He was taking longer than usual.It had me worried and slowly bad thoughts were creeping into my mind. Why washe taking so long?When I was about to start panicking, I phoned Yusuf, praying he’d answer.“Asalamu’alaykum. Where are you?”“Wa’alaykumsalaam. I’ll be home soon.” He said and hung up. At least I had thesatisfaction he was okay. But why was he late?An hour after he left, he finally came back. He rushed in and grabbed me, picking meup. He put me down again, probably because he wasn’t strong enough to hold mefor too long, especially with the cheap diet and my bulging stomach. That gestureshowed he was really happy about something.3“What happened?” I asked.2“I love you so much.” He said and squeezed me in his arms.“I know that. But why were you gone for so long?”

“Well, I spent some time asking Allah to forgive me for being ungrateful. This wholetime I’ve been thinking about how unfair everything is. I was questioning why Allahwas doing this to me. And then you simply said a few words and it gave me a newperspective on this situation. I asked Allah to forgive me and when I was done withmy extra long prayers, I felt so relaxed. The tension was gone.”“That’s great!”“I haven’t finished yet!”“Go on.”“So I was at the masjid, sitting there feeling nice and peaceful when the Imamapproached me. We spoke a bit like we usually do and I told him about my situation.He offered me a job at the Islamic school he runs. He asked me to teach some youngstudents and he told me the pay. It’s quite good.”15“That’s amazing!” I said grinning widely. I thanked Allah over and over in my head.Not only for the job but the smile on Yusuf’s face.11“My Alim course came in useful.”2“Yes it did!”“And you know what else I’ve learnt, Safia? Sometimes horrible things happen onlyto make way for better things. We know this yet we never think it at the time.Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah that I lost that job! Even if the pay’s the same withthis job, it’s closer, less hours and it’s more satisfying. It’s beneficial for the afterlifetoo!” Yusuf looked so enthusiastic and it made my heart swell with joy seeing himlike this.13“I knew that from the beginning!” I said flicking his head. “Now you can teach ourchildren too in’sha’allah.”“Teaching’s good but not the career I’m aiming for. That’s more your forte.”“We can both teach them.” He nodded. With the change in Yusuf’s mood, the entireatmosphere was much better too.Once again, things were getting better.

Chapter 60.Yusuf's POVI shouldn't have had any doubt. Of course, everything happens for a reason. Iwouldn't have had this job as a teacher if it weren't for losing my old job. No matterhow much knowledge we had of Islam, faith varied. People thought that I, an alim,a student of knowledge who studied for seven years, would have more faith. Insteadmy wife had more faith and kept me going.Even Javed to some extent had more faith. He had a new idea that if he kept prayingfor a good pure wife, he would get one. I had no right to say whether he would getone, should get one, or deserved one. That was only for Allah to know.1I wasn't qualified to become an actual teacher who taught the national curriculum.My job was to teach the Qur'an to young students. I thought it would be easy until Iactually had my first day.\"Miss!\" I didn't realize the kids I would be teaching were this young.\"It's sir.\" I corrected the boy.\"Miss sir!\" I had to suppress my laughter.10\"You can call me Mr Suleiman or sir.\" I told him. He looked at me blankly before hebegan waving his hand around in the air. \"What is it?\" I asked him.\"I'm thirsty.\" I stared in confusion.\"Do you have any water with you?\"\"We're not allowed.\" Well that was a silly rule.\"Where can you drink water from?\" I asked.\"The fountain obviously.\" I bit my tongue to stop a sarcastic comment from leavingmy lips.\"Be back in five minutes. Not a second longer.\" I continued hearing the Arabicalphabet from the boy sitting in front of me.3\"Sir! Sir!\" A little girl on the other side of the class had her hand up, waving it aroundurgently.

\"Yes?\"\"Sir,\" She began. \"You know, yesterday I went to a wedding.\" What? She begantalking to me about a wedding. After what seemed like a long time, she cametowards the end of her story. \"And I said to them, a girl's not allowed to show herhair to men outside the family. I told them it was haraam.\" She looked at meexpectantly while I sat in silence. I was about to tell her that her story was nice andmove on but a better idea came to mind.2\"What's your name?\" I asked,\"Tahira,\" She replied back and I noticed then that she was seeking my approval.\"Thank you for sharing that Tahira, but next time, wait until the class is over to tellstories, okay?\" Her face fell and I felt bad.2\"Okay.\" She replied embarrassed. I wondered if I should give her a sticker to makeher happy. Yes, I would give her a sticker.When it was her turn to read to me, I praised her and gave her a sticker. It workedand she proudly stuck it on her little hijab, grinning up at me.4I had other classes with slightly older kids. They were a bit better but I alsoencountered a few troubled children. I hadn't lost my temper yet but I felt I wouldblow quite soon. Children were hard work!11I got home before Safia. I wanted to make us something nice for dinner but thecupboards were nearly empty. I had to wait for my first pay. Usually Safia and I wentshopping for necessities together but I decided I'd go without her. I really neededto.Every month, I put money aside for charity as the Prophet said charity does notdecrease wealth. Rather it aided wealth. Allah says 'O son of Adam, spend and I shallspend on you.' I had felt this being proven in the past. The more I gave, the more Ireceived. This time it was different because my trust was lacking. But as I wasbuilding on the belief that Allah will help me, I felt that I was to receive wealth soon.Just enough to get by a little easier.2This month, I donated the smallest amount of money in a long time but comparedto my total wealth, it was the most money I had donated.1

Quality of the things I bought didn't even matter anymore, as long as the productwas usable or the food was edible. I nearly reached home when I saw Safia standingat the door. I called after her and she waited so we could both enter together.\"How was your first day sir?\" Safia asked with a blocked nose. She had a cold. I wasalarmed when she first caught it but then we found out it was normal duringpregnancy and there wasn't any threat.\"Eventful.\" I replied. In all honesty, it had me thinking about fatherhood. I was sortof awkward when communicating with children. I didn't understand how their mindsworked. Sure, mine probably worked like that too once but I'd forgotten it. As cuteas they were, children were strange little creatures. How would I cope with my veryown strange little creatures?5I told her about my day and she kept laughing.\"Those children sound so cute!\" Safia squealed.\"They were but... They were really hard to take care of. They looked so sensitive soI couldn't even shout and sometimes they wouldn't even be doing anything wrongbut it was irritating.\"\"You're so mean!\" Safia gasped.\"I told you, teaching's not my thing.\"\"Then what is your thing?\"\"Plumbing.\"\"Oh yeah.\" The conversation about children led the scan which was coming up soon.I was really excited for it. I couldn't wait to see my children again.Time flies. I had received my first pay and it was time to see my children. We wouldget to know the gender this time too.2Safia sat next to me in the waiting room with a tissue in her hand. She hadn'trecovered from her cold yet. Apparently it had something to do with her immunesystem being low because of pregnancy or something. Luckily for her, she recentlybegan her university holidays. But in only a month, she would sit her final exams.2\"I have one essay left to do.\" Safia told me.

\"I'll help you. You start with your basic plan and I'll expand upon it, then you can addthe finishing touches.\"\"That's cheating.\"\"No one has to know. Plus, I'm doing it for your health. You shouldn't be stressing ata time like this.\" In the end she agreed to let me help her.\"What would you like?\" Safia asked me for the billionth time. She was asking mewhat genders I wanted the babies to be.\"I don't care, as long as they're healthy and obedient.\"2\"I want either two girls so they can be best friends and share clothes, or one girl andone boy so that I have a son and daughter in one go.\"\"What about two boys?\"\"That's too much naughtiness to handle.\"1\"Not necessarily. According to mum, I was a good child. Your mum says you werewild. I recall her telling me that you used to scream the place down if you didn't getyour way.\" Safia thought about how to respond.\"Well... I was a better teen than you. So we're even.\" She said, crossing her arms.After many long discussions, we were finally called in. The nurse went through asimilar process to the first time. When I saw the two babies, I was amazed! At first,it was really unclear because they were turned facing the other side. But then thenurse poked and prodded, making them turn so we could see them. They actuallylooked like babies. I could see their heads!\"Would you like to know the genders?\" The nurse asked after what felt like a reallylong time. Safia and I nodded eagerly while I gripped her hand.A boy and a girl.34That's what she told us. It was perfect. One boy and one girl. The nurse left us for amoment and I took the opportunity to embrace Safia.\"I can't believe it! This is the best news!\" She exclaimed.\"We're really truly blessed Safi.\" I said, kissing her head.

\"Indeed we are, Yusi.\" She hadn't called me that in forever, probably because thatwas my mum's name for me. It felt nice having heard that from Safia.7\"The girl's mine, the boy's yours.\" I whispered, not once tearing my eyes off thescreen. Their heartbeats sounded so soothing.1\"No! They're both mine. I can't give Maria to you; she and I are going to be bestfriends in the future, in'sha'allah. You can have the boy. Teach him football andstuff.\"\"Isn't there an unwritten rule that daughters are closer to their dads and sons arecloser to their mums?\"32\"I've heard of it but I don't believe it. I'm closest to mum. I'm pretty close to dad toothough.\"1\"You're close to everyone.\" It was a quality I admired in Safia. She was the perfectfamily member who kept everyone happy while remaining happy herself.4\"That's true. Did you just disown your son though?\" Safia asked, raising an eyebrow.\"No! I just merely said... Forget it. We'll have both the children equally.\"\"That's what I was saying first!\"\"Alright, I-\" I didn't finish my sentence when the nurse came back in.We left there not long after that. We were both overjoyed at this news. It couldn'thave been better. Through teaching, I was learning fatherhood wasn't going to beeasy but I couldn't wait to properly experience it with my own flesh and blood.

Chapter 61.Safia’s POVNot being able to keep the news in any longer, I dialed my parents’ telephonenumber. I’d been keeping this news in since yesterday. I was going to phone as soonas we came home but we got back late. Yusuf and I went for a stroll in the park. Itstarted nicely before I remembered Yusuf’s ankle and we decided to just sit andenjoy life.The fun thing about phoning the house phone was the anticipation of who was goingto answer.“Hello?” It was Amy.“Asalamu’alaykum!” I said a little too loudly. I was alone so it didn’t matter.“Wa’alaykumsalaam!” She turned the phone away a little. “It’s only Safia.”“I’m guessing Hamza took the phone and quickly handed it to you to answer.” I usedto do the same.“Yeah. He said he didn’t want to get into a long awkward conversation with a randomperson who claims to be his aunt or uncle.”25“I know the feeling. Tell him I sympathise with him. Why don’t you save my numberinto the phone though, so you know it’s me when I’m calling?”“I’ll do that when I’m bothered. So, what’s up?”“I found out the gender of my babies.” I said and Amy squealed.“Tell me, tell me, tell me!”“Okay but don’t tell anyone else yet. I want to tell them myself. I wanted to tell youall face to face but I can’t come over yet. I’m forcing myself to stay at home andrevise.”“Not to seem rude or anything but could you skip all that and tell me the gender ofyour babies?”“Fine. It’s a boy and a girl.”“Oh my gosh! I knew it! I told you Hamza! I was right! It’s a boy and girl!”

“Amaani! What did I just tell you?” I scolded.“It’s really strange when you call me Amaani. I know that’s my actual name now butcan you stick to Amy please? And I don’t know what you’re talking about.”11“I said not to tell anyone! I wanted to tell them myself.” There was silence before Iheard Amy say,“Oops.” As if on cue, I could hear people fighting for the phone, all congratulatingme and suggesting names.”1“Ilyas!”17“Jamal!”1“Alina!”20“Sabrina!”14“Harry!”114“Will you all calm down please?” I hushed them. I didn’t even know who was sayingwhat. “I’m sorry guys but you don’t get a say in the names.”“That is so mean!” Only Hamza would say something so dramatically.“Your face is mean!” I retorted.17“That doesn’t make sense.”2“You don’t make sense.”“Alright children, no more arguing.” Before either of us could give a lame typicalreply, Amy continued, “Can we come over?”“Sure. When?”“Today?” I thought about it. Yusuf had left for work but he was going to be backsoon. Well, it didn’t even matter if he was here or not.“Sure.” I hadn’t seen them in a while. The more I thought about it, the happier itmade me. They were coming around!

While I was doodling on the paper I was supposed to be writing my practice essayon, my phone rang. It was Hamza telling me they were outside. Putting everythingaside, I went to open the door. Amy and I greeted each other with hugs. Hamza andI greeted each other with insults.12“You’ve gone huge!”“I have an excuse, what’s yours?”3“I saw your face.”“That doesn’t make sense.” I said quoting him from earlier.“You don’t make sense.” And he used my own line against me.1“Can’t come up with anything original that you have to resort to stealing my lines?”2“I could say the same for you.” Now how do I get out of this one? I looked at Amyfor help while she waited for me to say something back. I made eyes at her to helpme. Hamza put his arm around her shoulders. “She’s going to take my side nowbecause she’s my wife.”“You traitor! What happened to girl power?”1“I was going to help you but you just called me a traitor,” She said crossing her arms.“Whatever dude.” I said, slumping back into a chair.“Seriously though Safia. Why do you look so big?” Hamza asked.1“I don’t look that big. Stop trying to act like you’ve never seen a pregnant womanbefore. Don’t you remember Aisha?”“Aisha didn’t go that big in 4 months.”“Stop making me feel self-conscious! She had one baby, I have two. Two growinghumans inside of me. I’d be worried if I weren’t big.” I said trying to cover mystomach with a scarf I had draped around me for comfort. When our conversationcame to an end and Amy was satisfied with the entertainment, she nudged Hamza.1“What?” He asked. She pointed at the bag in his hands. “Oh.” He took a box ofchocolates out from the bag. “This is to aid the growth of my nephew and niece andto aid the excessive weight of my sister,” He said cheekily.18











Ya Allah, forgive me for being ungrateful for all that you have blessed me with. HereI am, complaining about being ‘fat’ when there are women in the world who can’teven conceive children yet I have two on the way.13You’d think as humans, we’d use our rationality and learn our lessons but thesedoubts and insecurities could attack us at any time. But that was life. We continuallymake mistakes and repent for them.

Chapter 62.Yusuf’s POVOn a random normal day after Safia’s exams had finished, I got home from work andheard crying as soon as I opened the door. The first thing I thought was ‘Why is Safiacrying now?’ As I went into the living room, I saw Safia comforting Maryam.“What on earth are you doing here?” I asked. “And why are you crying?” This was arare scene, to see Maryam crying, especially in mine and Safia’s home. Somethingterrible must have happened.“Oh. Asalamu’alaykum, Yusuf.” Safia said looking up.“Wa’alaykumsalaam. What’s going on?”“I am never ever going back.” Maryam wiped her tears. I sat down next to her.“Tell me, what happened.”“I got into a fight with mum yesterday. She’s supposed to be my mother but shetreats me like I’m a burden. It started when I reached for the last piece of chickenand she told me to leave it for Javed.”21“Are you serious?” I asked in disbelief.6“I know it doesn’t sound like something worth fighting over but I got fed up. Do youhave any idea how life’s been since you’ve gone? Javed has gone a little better andI can talk to him but only a bit. Some days it gets so lonely.”“It sounds like you’ve been watching too many films.” Safia glared at me as I saidthis.“It’s not a jokey matter. I’m absolutely sick and tired of everyone! I don’t want tostay at home anymore. I don’t care where I have to go. Get me married off orsomething, just get me out of there!” She screamed.27“Maryam, calm down.”

“No! I hate everyone there. I told mum that she always favours Javed and do youknow what she said? She said, so what? Like that’s a completely fine thing to do. LikeI don’t matter! She doesn’t care about anyone but Javed. I tried to talk to her aboutyour children; she acts like she doesn’t care. I asked her what names she likes andshe just shrugs it off. No, she doesn’t act like she doesn’t care, she really doesn’tcare.”33“Okay, have you let it all out of your system?” I asked.“And then,““I guess not.”4“She has the nerve to say I’m the one causing trouble? Me? What the heck did I do?Javed tried to back me up at first but then he started taking her side too. The wholetime, dad just sat there saying nothing. Why won’t he just speak up for once?It’s so annoying!”“Now are you done?” Maryam nodded. “Good. Now tell me, how did you get here?”I asked.“I took a bus. After yesterday’s argument, I packed my stuff and made a plan that I’dcome here after college. So I did.”6“So, you’re running away from home?”“Yes.” I put my head in my hands. “What?”“Seriously, what books have you been reading?”4“This has nothing to do with books or whatever. I told you, I’ve had enough.”“Maryam, I had it much worse than you. The age gap between me and Javed issmaller and I was a boy. That meant I was constantly being compared to him. Heoutshined me in every way yet I stayed. I grit my teeth and soldiered on.”2“You had your own ways of dealing with it, like smoking,” Maryam replied and Safialooked up in shock.“You smoked?” She asked.23“That was only once! Or maybe twice, not sure. But it wasn’t a habit!”“And you stayed out till late, and you-“

“That’s enough Maryam. I know what I did. The point is, I didn’t leave home. Andwhile staying at home, I tried to become a better person.”7“You did run away in the end.” Maryam said. For a moment, I didn’t have aresponse.3“That’s different. I moved because I had to. Anyway, look at us. We’re in a tiny flatjust about earning enough to get by. Do you want to end up like this?”“You seem happy enough with each other. I’d rather have someone I’m happy withthan have a nice home. But no, I’m stuck with a dad who doesn’t speak, a mum whodoesn’t care about anything that’s not Javed and a brother which is always at workor out with his friends.”2“I think you’re overreacting Maryam.” I shook my head at how silly she was beingbut I tried to remain calm.“I think you’re underreacting!” I got up from my seat and picked up my travel card.6“Come on, I’ll drop you home.”“I told you, I’m not going back,” Maryam said, crossing her arms.2“Safia, tell her to get up.”“Maryam,” Safia said softly. “I would love for you to stay, you know I would. But youhave to go home, this isn’t right. Mum will be worried about you.” Maryam scoffedat this.“Let’s test that out. Can I stay here a night or two? We’ll see if she does care aboutme after all.”“Let me get this straight,” I said in a stern voice.” You want to put your own motherthrough unnecessary worry and misery to see if she cares about you? How selfishare you? After everything I taught you about the love and respect of a mother,you’re saying this?”“You’re one to talk-“5

“Shut up Maryam. I know I made mistakes. I tried to make mum worry about me,and failed too because she trusted me a lot. But those days, I had no one to guideme and knock some sense into me. If I could relive those years, believe me, it wouldhave been different. I would have done good for mum instead of trying to rebel.”Maybe then, there wouldn’t have been such a huge distance between me and mum.Maybe we would have understood each other better. There was no point in thinkingabout that now. The past was done, but I had the future which was in my control.1“What are you doing to make mum happy now?” Maryam asked and it caught meoff guard. There wasn’t really much I could do.“I’m keeping her away from Safia.” That was the only thing I could think off.“And we’re going to let her name her grandson.” Safia added for me.“What more can I do to make her happy?”“Come home. Please,” Maryam begged.“You know I can’t.” I sighed.“Then I’m not going home either!” I got Maryam’s jacket and handed it to her.“Put your jacket on. We’re going,” I said in the most threatening voice I couldmuster. “Now!” Maryam scowled as she put on her jacket.“Let her stay for a little while.” Safia spoke up. “She’s come all the way here andyou’re taking her back already?” I thought for a moment.“I’m going to pray Asr in a little while. I’m taking you back straight after,” I said toMaryam. She nodded.I felt I was being slightly harsh with Maryam for telling her off about trying to runaway, but I deep down sympathized with her. I know how it felt to have no one totalk to. It felt like the walls of the house were going to collapse on you. I always hadMaryam to talk to in those times. I looked to my left to see Maryam talking to Safia.She didn’t look as lively and happy as she used to.“Hey Maryam,” I said, nudging her.“Yeah?”

“In’sha’allah, when I get a house of my own, you can come and live with us. And thenyou can play with your nephew and niece all you want.” Maryam cracked a littlesmile.“You just want to dump the kids on me so you and Safia can spend some romantictime together.”2“Oh please, we’ve spent enough time with each other already. I’ll be glad when thekids come so I won’t have to tend to Safia’s needs all the time.”“You tend to my needs?” Safia asked with mock astonishment. “I’m the one who hasto do everything for you. You can’t even put your dirty socks in the laundry basket.”1“That’s only happened a few times!”“It happens around every month.” I was about to say something when Safia suddenlygasped.“What happened?” Maryam and I asked at the same time.“I think one of the babies just kicked.” I pushed Maryam aside and knelt before Safia.“Can I put my hands on…”2“Why are you even asking?” Safia grabbed my hand and put in on the left side of herstomach. Then she took Maryam’s hand and did the same. She started taking deepbreaths. “It stopped now.” Safia said giving up. Maryam removed her hand but I keptit on. I didn’t want to miss it if the babies kicked again.1“You look weird.” Maryam said as I tried to adjust myself on the floor to sit in acomfortable position while my hands never left Safia’s stomach.2“You’re not even supposed to be here. Not only are you too young for this but you’resupposed to be at home.”3“I am not too young! I know everything. A classmate of mine recently had a baby.”My eyes widened in shock. “It was an accident but she decided to keep the baby.But the point is, I’m old enough to know everything.” I just looked awkwardly as Safiagracefully changed the subject. We began talking about complete nonsense. Just asI was giving up hope, I thought I felt something. “What was that?”22“One of them kicked.” I sat in shock. I felt it again.

“Wow. They’re kicking. Safi, they’re growing!” Safia nodded and I just stared in awe.“I can’t wait until I can hold them!” I said. I imagined how they would look. I imaginedtheir tiny little feet and tiny hands. “Safia, I want to hold them now.”3“Too bad. You’ll have to wait. I, on the other hand, will feel every single one of theirmovements for the next four months.”“But then you’ll have to go through labour.” Maryam reminded me.“Let’s leave out the minor details for now,” Safia said.“Minor?” I raised an eyebrow.“Well, not minor but… I don’t want to think about it yet.” I leaned my back againstthe sofa contentedly. Safia ran her hand through my hair.“On second thoughts, I think I should go home now.” Maryam stood up.1“Why the sudden change of plan?” Safia asked.“Well, you and Yusuf have some whole chemistry thing going on and I feel like a thirdwheel. It’s sort of putting me off the idea of staying here.”5“What? How? We didn’t even do anything.” Safia looked at Maryam questioningly.“You’re stroking his hair in front of me. That’s weird.”3“It’s not out of love or anything. I’m stroking him like a pet because his hair’s like fur.Touch it.” Safia grabbed my head and offered it to Maryam for stroking.29“Ouch! Safia, what is wrong with you?”1“What is right with you?” She retorted.4“No thanks.” Maryam replied. “I suspect he has nits.”7“No I don’t! I wash my hair every day.”“Head lice like clean hair,” Safia said letting go of my head and wiping her hands onher dress. “Maybe that’s why you enjoy your head to be stroked.”3“I do not have nits! My head isn’t even itchy!” I replied defensively. “You’re bannedfrom touching my hair.” I told Safia.“That’s not fair! Ban Maryam, not me!”1

“It won’t make a difference if I ban her or not. Anyway, I’m off for Asr. Stay readyMaryam. When I get back, we’re going straight away.” Maryam nodded but shewasn’t happy about going back.After I finished my prayer, the imam approached me and took me aside. He thentold me that the women’s side of the masjid will be ready by next week. He alsothanked me for putting forward the idea. I was so happy to hear this.When I was about to leave with Maryam, Safia said she wanted to come too.“I won’t come inside. I’ll just wait outside for you. I need some fresh air and someexercise.” I was hesitant but Safia was being persistent so I gave in.When we got to my parents’ house, Safia stood outside while I took Maryam inside.At first, my mum looked at me with surprise, then with concern. Before she askedwhy I was here, I told her what happened.“Maryam came around so I decided to drop her off.”“You went without asking me?” Mum asked Maryam looking genuinely hurt. Imouthed ‘apologise’ to her.1“I’m sorry,” Maryam said weakly.“It’s okay. I’m sorry for our argument yesterday. Now come here.” Mum gaveMaryam a hug and it warmed my heart to see it. “Next time, if you want to go, atleast ask.”“But every time I ask, you say no.” Maryam frowned.“And there’s a good reason I say so.”1“But mum, she’s carrying your grandchildren!” Maryam said a little loudly.“Maryam, don’t be rude,” I said in a firm tone.“I know that very well Maryam, but I don’t want you going there.” I was hoping mumwould add ‘by yourself,’ but she didn’t. I didn’t know why I did what I did next. I wentto the front door and called Safia in. She refused to budge so I went out, got herhand and dragged her in.“Remember her?” I stopped in front of mum with Safia a little behind me. I pulledher to stand next to me.

“What is she doing here?” I had to quickly think of a response.“Let go of all your grudges now.” I started. Then ideas of why Safia should be herebegan to form in my mind. “Look at her, she’s expecting babies who will have yourblood running through them. Safia wants you to have a good relationship with them.How can you do that if you avoid her?”“Get her out of here.” Mum waved her hand dismissively.21“If she’s going, I’m going.” Maryam narrowed her eyes at mum.“Then go.”“Mum, what are you doing?” I asked.“If she wants to go with you, then I’m going to let her. Go on Maryam.” She saidchallengingly.“Fine!” Maryam shouted. “I’ll get my things.” Before I could even say anything,Maryam stomped up the stairs.“What are you doing?” I asked mum again.“She needs to learn her lesson. I know she’ll be back again soon.” I felt exhaustedwith this ongoing battle in my family. Every time things got better they wentdownhill again. The worst thing was, I had no power to control it. Maryam camedown a little while later with a packed suitcase.“Let’s go,” She said taking Safia’s hand and heading outside. I was about to saysomething to mum, tell her to change her mind but I was reminded of herstubbornness when she walked into the kitchen away from us. There was no pointin saying anything.Now we had Maryam living with us. Just as our financial situation was only gettingslightly better, it was about to get worse again. It was time to start applying for morejobs even if it meant I wouldn’t have much time to spend with Safia. At least she hadsome company now, even if it was at a price.

Chapter 63.Safia’s POVWhat on earth was wrong with that woman? And why on earth was my mother herfriend? Did she not know of our struggles? And knowing them, she let Maryam leavehome and live with us?I loved Maryam like a sister, almost as much as I loved my actual sister, Zayna. But Ireally didn’t think it was okay for her to be living with us. I thought Yusuf was beinga bit too kind. He even moved out of our bedroom and was sleeping on the sofa,letting Maryam sleep next to me. It was sort of weird at first, but I got used to it. Itwas like the times when I used to share a room with Zayna.Nonetheless, I remained quiet. There wasn’t much anyone could do. I went alongwith keeping Maryam with us. I just prayed that she’d go home soon. I didn’t meanit in a bad way, but we just didn’t have the means to keep her.7Javed and his dad had come around a couple of times to take Maryam home. Shesaid she refused to go until her mum came herself. I thought many times abouttelling Yusuf to convince Maryam but I didn’t want to stress him out more. He’d triedbut he failed. Maryam just didn’t understand the situation properly.26I didn’t try to do any convincing, it made me feel bad. She had been trying so hardto make it up to us for staying here. She was always asking me if I needed or wantedanything. Maryam even stayed through Hamza and Amy’s Walima which was amonth after her arrival.Of course Amy let Maryam come to the Walima too. It was similar to the Nikah,except a hall was hired for people to eat because the mosque didn’t have space. Ithad a partitioning in the middle and everyone just had a feast. As expected, Amylooked absolutely stunning. Hamza’s face when he saw her was priceless. It was likehe was so happy that he didn’t know how to express himself so he just stood theretrying to stop himself from grinning like a fool.19A day after the Walima, I was still around my parents’ house. I hadn’t stayed nightsthere in a long time. Maryam and I stayed the night but Yusuf was at home whichhad me worry about him. I wondered if he was feeling lonely so late at night, Icouldn’t help but call him. I woke him up from his sleep to ask if he was okay. Hemumbled a reply and then hung up. At least I knew he was fine.2

During the day, Maryam went out with some of the girls in my family. They askedme to come along too but I declined. I had to speak to mum about something veryimportant. As soon as I got the chance, I took mum aside.“What is it you need to talk about?” Mum asked.“Aunty Juweria.” Mum’s face changed and I immediately knew that she felt guilty.“Don’t blame this on yourself.”“Know this Safia, I didn’t accept you marrying Yusuf right away.”“What? You didn’t?”“There are a lot of things you don’t know.” I knew there was something I wasmissing!“Like?”“Lots of things.”“Tell me!” I pleaded.“Why?”“It might actually help with the situation I’m in.”“It won’t.” Mum tried to walk away but I held onto her.“How was Aunty Juweria’s childhood?” I asked. Maybe there was something majorthat happened to make her like the way she was.“Where do I begin?”“The beginning.”“Well,” Mum said. “I remember that life was always hard for Juweria. I knew her asa child. You probably know from Yusuf how Juweria’s father wasn’t the best offathers. He was always away and when he’d come home, he would ruin theatmosphere with his strict rules and orders.”“That doesn’t sound that bad.” Many people had strict fathers.

“He also beat them and occasionally hit their sick mother too.” Okay, that was bad.“Being the oldest out of her siblings, from a young age Juweria took care of them. Inthe last few years of Juweria’s mother’s life, she was completely bed ridden. Juweriahad to take care of her mother too from the age of nine along with her brothers andsister. Only nine years old, and she was taking care of a whole house.”22“Nobody told me any of this!” I exclaimed. All my hatred towards her was ever soslowly melting.1“She hates to talk about it. It only got worse after that. Her brother was playing withhis friends near the railway track. A train came and he didn’t move out of the wayfast enough. He got run over and passed away leaving his sick mother so distraught.Only months later, Juweria’s mother passed away too.” I tried to hold back the tearsin my eyes.20“That’s horrible.”“After that, she raised her siblings alone. Her father was only good for providing abit of money. He remarried and Juweria’s step mum was decent. But by this time,Juweria’s siblings were completely dependent on her and so attached to her. It wasa bond that I thought could never be broken. She had two brothers and a sister.”“I’ve met her sister. Yusuf said her brothers live far and they only talk sometimes.They couldn’t even make it to our wedding.”“I don’t think he knows the full story behind his uncles. Juweria began working afterthat, earning money for her siblings. Then she got married into a household whichdidn’t accept her as she was. They believed a woman should stay at home butJuweria was tough and independent. They treated her like trash. Finally she movedout. The little money she earned, she kept saving. In the end, her brothers stole themoney she had saved and ran away.” By now, the tears were flowing.37“And then she had a son who passed away.” I said, wiping my tears with the back ofmy sleeve.“She finds it hard to love and to trust. She does love her children, but after what herbrothers did to her… She treated them like they were her sons. I really think it hasleft some sort of psychological impact. It may not be an acceptable excuse for whatshe’s doing, but I can understand her.”“Her whole life has been one huge struggle.” I said shaking my head. “But then, whydoes she favour Javed?”

“Maybe because she had him before her brothers betrayed her. But I don’t think it’sonly that. We talk so much about how she treats Javed like royalty, but have youseen how he treats her. His every other word is mum. He cherishes her and spoilsher. He loves her more than any of her children. As wonderful as Yusuf is, even hedoesn’t treat her as well as Javed does.”3“Aunt Juweria’s not a bad person then, is she?”3“Not naturally, life did that to her. She was always feisty and bossy but she was kindtoo. Though, when I met her again recently, she had become a different person. Shelooked different and acted different. But when we started talking often,we almostbecame good friends again. Even so, I felt there was something not right when shespoke to me. I could sense a tinge of fakeness in the things she said. I let it go thinkingit might be paranoia.”“If she’s such good friends with you, why doesn’t she like me?” I asked. It alwaysbugged me that I couldn’t get on with her. I really wanted to.“It’s a complicated issue. It might be the whole thing about trust. Maybe she doesn’ttrust you.”“I’m not going to run away with her money,” I said, confused.“Some things are worth more than money, like children.”“She thinks I’m going to run away with Yusuf?”“In her head, you did run away with Yusuf.”“We didn’t run way. We moved.” I said baffled. I didn’t pack my bags and force Yusufout of the house. Maybe my dad sort of forced him to move, but that wasn’t myfault.“I said she thinks you ran away with him.” This was still confusing me.“But I thought she thought I was ugly and that’s why she doesn’t like me.”“I’m sure she doesn’t think you’re ugly. I feel that’s an excuse. She might havewanted to choose Yusuf a wife herself. Things didn’t go according to her plans andwell… She hates not getting her way.”“With a life like that, she never really did get her way.” Mum sighed at my comment.

“Look at the life she’s built for herself. In a way, she did get what she wanted. Afamily, wealth, comfort and some peace. She acquired this because she alwaysworked so hard to achieve her goals. I think she may be too independent for herown good.”“Independent? She doesn’t do any housework!”10“I don’t think that’s all there is to independence. She’s not completely capable ofaltering herself to fit in with everyone around her. Everyone has to alter themselvesto fit with her. Besides, her lack of helping around the house is because I think shethinks it’s time for her to relax. And don’t speak of her badly now. No backbiting.”“I wasn’t, I was just…” I thought about what I said. “Sorry mum.”“Ask forgiveness from the Lord, not me.” Mum told me and I nodded.3“Anything else you need to tell me?” Mum shook her head. “Do you still talk toaunty?”“I haven’t spoken to her since last Ramadan. It’s almost been a year now.”“Why?” I asked, surprised. It was kind of expected but I was still surprised. Mum wasa kind of person that no one can cut out of their life willingly.“I had an argument with her.”“You had an argument? When? Why don’t I know?”“Remember Asma’s friend Esha? The one who got pregnant? Well, when Asma wentto see her mother and sister to congratulate them, she dropped me off because Iwanted to pay Juweria a visit. Everyone thought I was going with Asma. I wanted tokeep it discreet because I was afraid of how your father would react, especially withthe decisions he made after his visit. Yusuf and Maryam both weren’t home that dayand I’m glad Juweria has enough decency to not have mentioned this to anyone.4“I went to her house and I asked her what exactly happened between you and Yusuf.She said you were driving him away from her. But I’m not stupid. I know whathappened and it was exactly what I feared. She had really changed and she failed toaccept you. This is why I told your father and Yahya to think twice about marryingyou to Yusuf. But they got on so well with Yusuf and his dad and they were happywith it. They convinced me it would be fine.”4“What did Aunt Jerry say?” Mum looked pained as she replied.

“She told me how badly you had broken Yusuf’s heart and how he deserved better.I reminded her that he broke your heart too and she said it’s because he’s alwayshad slight anger issues but she expected better from you. I told her that was noexcuse and we ended up arguing.”1“You actually argued? You? As in, my mum, argued?”12“Yes. And I think I just made everything worse. Because of me, she doesn’t evenwant to see you now. She thinks I’m betraying her too or something.”“That’s stupid.”“It’s because of me you’re in this situation. I can’t even come to your house becauseit breaks my heart so much to see you living there. Dawud told me how small theflat was. He doesn’t understand, he thinks it’s fine. He thinks Yusuf will buy a housesoon. But Hamza told me the real situation. We’re hiding it from Dawud so he won’tdo something stupid like he did last year. Safia, I’m so sorry.” My mum’s voicecracked and she began to cry.7“No, mum. Don’t be silly, it’s fine.” I hugged her and we both cried into each other’sshoulders. “I’m happy mum, I really am. Yusuf’s more than anything I could everhave asked for. It doesn’t matter that our flat is small, we’re coping fine. There’snothing I should forgive you for.”2I can’t explain how it felt to see my mother cry like that and see her asking for myforgiveness. It really tore me. I managed to console her and dry her tears. I cheeredmum up and tried to make her eyes less puffy. Unfortunately, when we left theroom, Hamza caught a glimpse of mum and his face fell.“You’ve been crying haven’t you?” He asked worried. “What happened?”4“It’s nothing, Hamza,” Mum said but Hamza didn’t believe her.“Forget it Hamza. We just had a talk and it’s fine now,” I said to him and instead ofpressing us for information or getting annoyed like he usually did, he just noddedand smiled at mum. For some reason, I felt I had Amy to thank for this.I didn’t know what to do with all this new information I had learnt about Aunt Jerry.I wondered how much Yusuf knew about his mother. I wasn’t going to ask him aboutit, I didn’t see the point. But at least it gave me some peace. I now understood thatAunt Jerry’s mind didn’t work like a normal person’s. Maybe when Yusuf said shewas psychologically damaged, he was quite accurate in that statement.11

The next day Maryam and I went home. I was glad to be back. I liked having Maryamaround when Yusuf wasn’t home. But when he came home, I didn’t get to spend anytime with him. He was also looking for another job which really annoyed me. He hadto understand that I needed him more than any money. He let the financial situationget to him too much. At least he stopped mentioning it to me.Maryam and I were talking one evening. Well, Maryam was talking. I was trying tolisten but my attention was on the clock, waiting it to hit the time Yusuf would comehome. Then I heard the melodious sound of the door creaking open, indicating Yusufwas home.2“Asalamu’alaykum. Safia, will you stop emailing me articles on birthing and how tobe a father!” He said looking down at his phone.1“Wa’alaykumsalaam. But you need to know these things.”3“I don’t think I need to know about- “He stopped when he realized Maryam wassitting there. He must have forgotten she was here.1“About?” I asked.“Nothing.\"“I’ll just, go for a little walk or something. I’ll be back in a minute.” Maryam said. Ittook a whole month, but I think Maryam finally felt a little out of place. She wasbeginning to comprehend that there just wasn’t enough space for her to stay withus.34---Author’s Note: I forgot to thank you all in my last chapter. I reached 5 million reads!Wow! 5 MILLION!4THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!16Thank you, you amazing people! It means more than you can imagine! I know a lotof people say this, but I’m sure I mean it more than them, hehe.

Chapter 64.Yusuf’s POV“And I’m sorry for being so inconsiderate. I realize now I was blinded by frustrationand ill feelings that I couldn’t see how difficult I was making life for you. I’m sorry forbeing selfish.” Maryam finished her speech, her gaze fixed on the ground in shame.4“It’s fine, Maryam. I’m glad you understand though. But we’ve got to admit, we hadsome fun together.” Safia attempted to console a guilt ridden Maryam.“I still can’t believe mum didn’t even come for me in the end.” Maryam said, crossingher arms. I could see she felt wounded.“Go easy on her Maryam. You can’t change her but you can change yourself. Whenyou go home, show her that you’re not bothered by her actions.”“Yeah, I agree.” I added on to Safia’s statement. “Don’t let her get to you. It will onlymake you unhappy.”“Is there any way of making her unhappy too?” Maryam asked.2“Maryam!” Maryam flinched at my stern tone. “Have you not been listening toanything I’ve been saying to you? She is your mother! No matter what she’s like, youhave to respect her! I don’t won’t to hear a single bad word about her again, youhear me?” Maryam nodded. “Good. By the way, Javed’s on his way to collect younow.”2I was disappointed in Maryam. I always thought she was mature above her age butshe’d proven me wrong. Or maybe she had changed in my absence. But I didn’t knowwhat to do. I didn’t know how to be there for her while taking care of my wife andmy soon to come children.6When I opened the door to let Javed in, he patted my back and walked over toMaryam. He put her in a friendly head lock.5“Dude, the house has been so empty without you.” He said, ruffling her hair. Safiawas in shock. She had never seen this side of Javed. Well, this side of him only cameout recently.“Like you’re ever even home.” Maryam struggled and tried to push Javed away.

“Get your stuff and let’s go. This place makes me feel claustrophobic.” Maryamobliged to Javed’s demand. Javed was still in the process of changing. That’s what Ihoped anyway, that it was a long slow journey to becoming a better man. Safialooked slightly offended by his remark. Her eyes connected with mine and sheunderstood that I wanted her to not be affected by what he said. She shrugged itoff. We could actually communicate with our eyes now.16Soon Maryam left and the house became very quiet.“I’m missing her now,” Safia said.“Hmm. At least I’ll be able to sleep in my own bed.”“Oh yes! Ooh I can’t wait! Let’s sleep early. I haven’t cuddled you at night in toolong.”14“Oh dear, don’t squish me. I think I’ve gotten quite used to the sofa though. I’ll stayhere tonight.” I lay my head down on the armrest.“No you will not!” She said trying to pull me off the sofa.“I’ve still got to pray Isha.” I reminded her.“When is Isha?”“In half an hour.”“Remind me 10 minutes before we leave. I would do wudhu now but I keep onneeding to pee.”3“Did I really have to know that?” I asked“Yes. It’s because of the babies.”“Please, I beg of you, don’t give me another lecture on pregnancy. I’m never goingto get pregnant so I don’t want to know.”17“You have to know if I’m going through it. You’re such an inconsiderate husband.”Safia pouted.“Do I really have to? Like, really?” I asked poking her cheek.2

“Stop that! Even if you don’t want to know, I’m going to tell you why I keep on goingto the toilet. I think the babies are pressed against my bladder or something, that’swhy.”“My brain is officially crammed with too much information about pregnancies. I’mscarred for life. I mean, why do I even need to know the physical aftermath of havinga child?” I asked, referring to that article she sent me about a woman bleeding for amonth after giving birth. Just thinking about it made me feel uneasy.24“Because I’ll be going through it!” Safia countered. “You’re saying you’ll be scarredjust knowing this stuff, what about me? I have to live it.”“It’s okay, I’ll be with you ever single step of the way. But I just don’t want to knowall the gory details.”1“I like you a little less for not wanting the details.”“That’s not fair! I’m so hurt!” I said, getting up from my lazy position on the sofa.2“I’m more hurt than you. Sometimes, I don’t think you even care about me.”1“Are you serious Safia?” I asked in a bored tone. “I don’t care about you? You’reright. I don’t. Not one bit. That is exactly why I’m sitting here, talking to you. It’s whyI brought this place. It’s why I do everything thinking of you. It’s why I’m constantlythinking of your happiness. It’s why I’m stressed most of the time. Because I don’tcare.”11“I don’t like your sarcasm.”“Then don’t make me use it.”2“I’m going to go and do some ironing.” Safia got up and I knew I’d won our littleargument. That only left me feeling bad. I’d have to make it up to her somehow.Being a husband was tough, but completely worth it.9That night, I had the most peaceful sleep in bed after so long. I didn’t even careabout Safia repeatedly tossing and turning. A mattress was so much morecomfortable than a sofa.4Only a few weeks after Maryam left, Ramadan started. It was going to be mine andSafia’s first Ramadan together as the previous year didn’t work out as planned. Safiacouldn’t fast though because she needed to be hydrated and eating regularly for thebabies. Summer fasts were so long.40

I came home after Maghrib prayer to tell Safia the news about Ramadan startingtoday when I heard Safia crying, again.“Good Lord, Safia! Get a grip!” Since the pregnancy, this girl became a bit tooemotional. “What’s making you weep now?” Safia was sat on the bed with the laptopin front of her. Unable to speak, she turned the laptop to show me the screen. Therewere young children covered in blood.“They were just children.” She said, crying a fresh set of tears.“Are these kids Palestinian?” Safia nodded. I sat next to Safia, trying to comfort her.“Just pray for them and their families. Crying’s not going to get you anywhere.”118“They’re the same age as Sara and even Zidan. They’re not even the only ones. Whatabout the children in Syria? And the ones in Bosnia? And the ones in Burma? Andthe ones in Afghanistan? And the ones who are starving and have no clean water inAfrica? What about the orphans that are still homeless from the floods andearthquakes in Pakistan? There are just too many.” Safia put her head on myshoulder and very quickly, my shoulder was soaked in her tears.75“I know Safia. The world’s a cruel and horrible place. But there’s no need for you tocry so much. It’s Ramadan now, so pray for them and we can send some money.Where would you like your Zakat (compulsory charity) to go?”3“I don’t know. I feel money’s not enough. I want to go there and help them.”2“I know but that’s not possible, especially with our own little ones on their way.”“I choose… Sudan. I want my Zakat to go there. I mean, look at this picture.” Safiaclicked on another page on the laptop where it showed a small child whose face wassunken in and it had its ribs sticking out. I had to close the laptop.38“We’ve been seeing these images all our lives yet, every time I see it, it causes mepain. But before we decide on Sudan, are you sure you don’t have any family whoare suffering from severe poverty?”“We’ve got the least amount of money from all my extended family and theneighbours.”“We’re doing much better now. At least we have enough to give charity.” We weredue to give rent in two weeks. Then I would work out 2.5% of all money we have leftover and that would be the money we would send to Sudan.

I wanted to spend as much time with Safia as I could before the children came. Safiawarned me about how busy we would both be when the babies came. Safia knew alot about having a child which was good for me. Only now was I realizing that I knewnearly nothing. I was slowly learning though and I felt as if soon, I’d be an expert onpregnancy and childbirth.3On my way back from taraweeh, I checked my phone to see another email from Safiawith a link to an article about how to treat your partner when she had somethingcalled ‘baby blues.’ It meant that a woman’s hormones could make her randomlycry or something along those lines. I prayed Safia didn’t get baby blues. She was toomuch to deal with in the state she was already in.I was getting used to these emails. Every other day, I would get an article to readand Safia would make sure I read them. She questioned me about it later. I skimmedthrough it so if Safia asked, I could say I read a bit of it. It was becoming a routinenow. I rarely read a full article but I got away with it for reading some.1Sometimes she would just send pictures of babies and asked me, ‘isn’t this one socute?’ That was very weird. I ignored those.35I fell asleep soon after taraweeh. I was awoken a few hours later by a delicious scentwafting into our room. My hand searched around next to me for Safia but she wasn’tthere. When my mind started working properly, I remembered it was Ramadan andI panicked. Safia wasn’t fasting so she must have been making breakfast for herself.I missed suhoor! (meal before dawn)I went into the kitchen in a bad mood.“Why didn’t you wake me up for suhoor?” I asked, even though I knew she wasprobably sleeping.“Yusuf, look outside.” I pulled the curtain back. It was still dark. I looked up at thetime and saw that it was suhoor.“Why are you awake at this time?”“I’m awake to party,” She said sarcastically. “I’m making food for you obviously.”31“Oh. Thank you Safi!” I said going behind her and hugging her from her waist. “Youdidn’t have to. I could have made something for myself.”8“But I wanted to. Anyway, sit down. Let me bring your food to you.”

“I can do it myself.” I said, taking the plate out of her hands.Besides the severe emotions and tears, my wife was the best!