A Muslim's Romantic Journey

Chapter 1.Safia's POVI was stuck in the kitchen all day again. When did I start doing kitchen work? MaybeI was going through another phase. Maybe it was my uncle's sudden mention of aproposal. It wasn't just any old someone, it was someone from school. He was agood guy, popular for all the right reasons. He was confident and practising. Not theguy that flirted and loved the attention. A boy that was liked for being himself. I sawhim walking his little sister to school once and found it adorable. Was I reallypreparing my marriage with him without even realizing? But imagine what everyonefrom school would say. 'Did you hear? Safia's getting married to Abubakar!' 'He'sway too good for her! She was that extremist lecturer.' I smiled at the thought of myreputation as an extremist. All because I refused to be friendly with boys. Oh, whocares about them? I'll just sit back and enjoy the attention. Maybe I shouldn't thinkabout it too much. My uncle hadn't even talked to him yet.251I decided to take a break and let my sister Zayna take over for a little while. We weregetting random guests. Ones we'd never even heard of. Well all of us except mymum. It was her long lost friend who was coming to visit. I think her name was auntieJerry. Weird.233I went to my room and sat in front of the mirror analysing myself. Abubakar washandsome from what I can remember. I never really noticed him though. Maybebecause I had a crush on his friend by the end of school days. That was all thanks toa certain friend who said 'I think you'd like him, he's cute and practising and lowershis gaze.' The lowering of gaze caught my attention so throughout my 2 years ofcollege* I had a crush on him. Now I felt guilty. What if I do marry Abubakar and hefinds out about it? Why would he marry me? I stared at the girl in the mirror. Okayso I know most girls say they're average but they're pretty, but I really was average.I could prove it! 20 years old, all my friends had their little stories about 'he said thisto me and he said that to me.' Well... Once someone said I was sweet... But thencalled my friend an angel that night. Someone said I was fair... But I like olive skintones. Ooh! Someone said I evolved from cats! That was a compliment I liked. Butthat's the closest I've been to love. I guess it was good. It helped me stay strong inmy faith. 69

*(If you're in a different country, college may be different to what you're thinkingof. I don’t know how to match the systems but college in the UK is 2 years (usually)between high school (which we call secondary school) and university. You qualify withA Levels and go into uni for another 3 years (or more, depending on the course) tograduate with a degree.)136I'd been staring at my face for far too long now. I suddenly remembered someonetelling me 'staring into mirrors either makes you fall in love with yourself or hateyourself.' Those were truly insightful words... That came from a 7 year old. In mycase, I was beginning to criticize what Allah had blessed me with. I felt guilty andsilently recited 'astaghfirullah.' (I ask forgiveness from Allah)161\"Get your butt down here NOW!\" Aisha screamed from the bottom of the stairs. 69\"I'm coming! So rude!\" Aisha was my other sister. 15\"Are you in one of your depressed moods again?\" Asked Hamza, my older brother. Ijust gave him a dirty look and turned around. \"I take it as a yes.\" I turned to give himanother dirty look as I climbed down the stairs.34\"Where's Amaan?\" I moaned. Amaan was my younger brother, the youngest out ofall of us. I felt more like his mother than sister although he was turning 14 soon. Theygrow so fast. \"Where's Musa? Where's Zidan? Where's Sara?\" They were all Aisha'schildren, aka, my nephews and niece.102\"Don't think you can get Amaan and take care of all the children so you can get outof kitchen work.\" Aisha hissed at me. She knew me too well, \"Safia! Don't you wantto get married.\"17\"Aisha... Can you read my mind?\"\"No. I spoke to uncle Yahya and I went through your yearbook and saw Abubakar.\"She gave me a wink. I blushed.36\"Stop it. I'm coming.\" I said through a slight smile.I walked into the kitchen to see Zidan sitting there, playing with his hands. I couldn'tresist as I swept him up and gave him a big sloppy kiss.21\"Didn't Aisha say you have to finish this rice you're making?\" Zayna asked pointingto the stove.1

\"It's practically done! Chill. I got it under contr- OW!\" Zidan had just smacked me onmy nose. It actually hurt. 13\"They're here!\" Hamza screamed. The doorbell hadn't rung but we had Hamza tostand upstairs and give us a shout when he saw poeple approaching our door. Iquickly put Zidan down and fixed my hijab. While Hamza stomped down the stairs,the doorbell rang. \"Wait! Let me run to the kitchen!\" Hamza shouted as he camerunning to us.67\"You're such a girl Hamza.\" I said as he quickly closed the door. He looked at me andfluttered his eyelashes.9\"Am I pretty?\" He asked.104\"Gorgeous.\" I replied making a disgusted face. My mum came into the kitchendragging Hamza out saying something about a guy being there and Hamza had tosocialize with him. I gave Hamza a sympathetic look as he walked away. I turned thestove off for the rice and started custard for dessert.70\"Start putting the food on the dining table. Mum's about to call them into the diningroom.\" Aisha informed Zayna and I as I finished the custard. We did as we were told.Only the cups were left. As I left the kitchen, I saw that there were only two guests.A woman, probably aunt Jerry, and a man who I assumed was her son. He trailedbehind her with a little limp. He was looking down so I couldn't see his face. I saw hehad a brown beard! I liked beards in general but when they were brown they wereeven more attractive... I felt as if Shaytan began whispering things in my ears. I ranback and waited for them to go in. When they did, I stood outside the dining roomand tried to call Hamza.144\"Hamza.\" I whispered. \"Hamza!\" I whispered a little louder. \"Hamzooo!\" He stillhadn't heard me. It meant that I had to go in. But there was a brown beard in theroom. And the brown beard lowered its' gaze. I took a deep breath and walked in,trying my best to not look at the brown beard.97\"Asalamu'alaykum.\" (Peace be upon you - Islamic greeting) I said as I placed the cupson the table.65\"Wa'alaykumsalaam.\" (Peace be upon you too) Aunt Jerry answered.8\"This is my middle daughter.\" My mum informed her.41\"Oh okay. How are you?\" She asked me. I had finished putting the cups down.

\"Alhamdulillah good.\" (Praise be to Allah) I wondered if it would have been rude tojust run out of the room.17\"So, do you study?\" Okay, she wants a full conversation.30\"Yes.\"\"Where?\"\"I'm in university now.\" I realized that in my attempts to lower my gaze from brownbeard, I was lowering my gaze from Aunt Jerry. I looked up at her. She didn't have ahijab and she was wearing a lot of make up. Not what I expected but I shouldn'tjudge. She seemed nice.38\"Oh, which university?\" I despised that question. I didn't go Oxford or Cambridge sohow would anyone know the university I went to. I told her and she gave me a blanklook. 11\"What are you studying?\"\"Islamic Studies combined with Arabic.\" I replied. I was hurt she didn't saymasha'allah. I was so used to hearing that. Oh well. She was nice. After theinterrogation was over, I finally escaped without looking at brown beard. I was soproud of my accomplishment I gave myself a pat on my back.

Chapter 2.Yusuf's POV64The scent of the food made my stomach grumble. I was patiently waiting forsomeone to ask me to start eating. No one had touched the food yet.51\"Hamzooo.\" Came a female's voice from the door. Hamza didn't hear her. He waslooking down at his phone. I was about to tell him someone was calling him when agirl walked into the room. Immediately I looked down. She began speaking to mymum while I wondered about why my mum asked me to drive her here and notJaved, my brother. She usually asked him to drive her everywhere. I didn't mind herasking me. In fact, I was flattered. My ankle was beginning to hurt again. I was afraidthis would happen. Maybe this was the reason my mum never asked me to take heranywhere. My thoughts were interrupted by the mention of the uni this girl wentto. That was fantastic! People from all over Europe moved to London just to studythere.76\"What do you study?\" My mother asked.\"Islamic Studies combined with Arabic.\" Masha'allah. (God has willed it. - Said as acompliment) This girl was smart. She was so polite and respectful in the way shespoke. I hadn't seen her yet, but it was beginning to get hard not to look at her. Idecided to let the pain of my ankle distract me. As I heard her leave the room, Ibreathed a sigh of relief.27\"Start pouring some food. We have to eat before Asr.\" Hamza told me. I mentallycheered as I filled my plate. It was all so amazing.1\"So, you said earlier that you did an Alim course.\" (An Islamic course) I nodded a yes.\"So, what are you planning on doing with that?\" The same question again.2\"Go Jannah in'sha'allah.\" (If Allah wills) I replied. Hamza smiled.110\"I mean in this world.\"\"Becoming a plumber in'sha'allah.\" I didn't like talking about this. I could feel mostpeople were judging me because I didn't have a degree and wasn't planning ongetting one. But Hamza just seemed to be curious.104\"That's really good masha'allah.\" Yeah, he was a good guy. I checked my phone afterI finished eating.5

\"We better get going.\" I told Hamza.“We still have 15 minutes. Have dessert.\" I scanned the table. There wasn't anydessert. \"Zayna! Bring the dessert so we can go.\" A girl came in with a deliciouslooking cake. I was sure that wasn't the smart girl. She looked too young to bestudying in uni. 16 I was guessing. She went back and brought some clean plates andcustard. Oh, how I loved drowning cake in custard. I really liked this family. Theywere noisy, but I liked them. The doorbell rang and I heard someone yell 'Safia! It'sHafsa!' followed by 'HAFSA!' and 'SAFIA!' I was sure then that smart girl's name wasSafia. It sounded like her voice. I then dismissed the thought of her. I finished thelast bit of the cake, savouring it.\"Shall we go now?\" I asked Hamza. We got up getting ready to leave. Just then,another man came into the room.1\"This is my Uncle Yahya. Uncle, this is Yusuf.\" We said salaam to each other. Iwouldn't have guessed this man was their uncle. He looked quite young, in his midthirties I'd say.15\"Going masjid?\" (mosque) He asked. Hamza nodded. \"Good. I was just coming to callyou.\" On the way to masjid we all began speaking about football (Soccer). Theyseemed pleased that I supported the same team as them. It was a little awkward atfirst but by the time we reached the masjid, we were really good friends. We finishedpraying Salaah and walked outside. For some odd reason, Safia was still at the backof my head. I wanted to know more about her. Uncle Yahya was looking around forsomeone. \"Have you seen Abubakar?\" Uncle asked Hamza.\"No, why?\"+\"I'll tell you later. You know, I might actually go to his house.\"\"Abubakar's? That skinny guy with rich parents?\" Uncle looked disappointed withHamza'a description of him.

\"Yeah. You go home. I'm going to pop by later on.\" As uncle said salaam and walkedaway, I thought about asking Hamza more about Safia. But I was scared. I had beenrejected too many times. The first time, I was rejected for looking like an extremist.Second time, I asked if the girl would wear a niqab (face veil) and she rejected me.Then I read into this hijab/niqab issue and came to a personal conclusion, that niqabisn't fardh (compulsory). Then my mum found me a hijabi barbie. I was unsure aboutthe amount of make up on her face and the wig style hijab she wore. I personallyfound she adorned her hijab so much that the concept of hijab was taken away. Iasked her about this and she rejected me for judging her when I really didn't. Thenmy mum found a girl who I thought was okay. She rejected me for having a limp. Itried telling her my ankle could be treated and the limp wasn't there all the time,but she just said no. This had all made me quite insecure. But I decided to ask anywaywith the help of Allah.142\"So...\" I tried to think of how to start this conversation. \"Is all your family as smart asSafia?\" I asked. Hamza gave me a questioning look. Of course, he must have beenwondering how I knew her name. I began preparing an explanation when Hamzathankfully answered.4\"I guess so. But none of us aimed as high. I just settled into the local uni because Idon't like travelling. Uncle and Aisha really pushed Safia. They say she has a lot ofpotential. Uncle Yahya had gotten married early and dropped out of uni. He triedpushing Aisha but she was adamant about getting married and focusing on hermarriage. She says she doesn't have regrets but she's pushing Safia to become ateacher. That's what Aisha says she would have done. Safia took their advice andshe's now doing very well, masha'allah.\" That sounded good. I tried coming up witha question to find out more about Safia.11\"Seems like your family marry early. How come Safia didn't get married?\" Hamzagave me another questioning look.4

\"Why? Do you want to marry her?\" I felt my heart drop. I know what brothers arelike, I was one myself! We were overprotective creatures ready to poke out the eyesthat laid on our sisters. I looked away, silent. In reply to my silence, Hamza said, \"It'scool if you want to. Safia's looking to get married anyway.\" I looked over at him tosee if he was joking. He was serious. \"I spoke about it with her around a year ago.She told me to look for her. I said I would, but I haven't been true to my word. Andshe's searching for me too. Makes me feel a little guilty.\" I must say I was pleasantlysurprised by his attitude. I remained silent, trying to think of an answer. I wanted toget to know her before marrying her. How was I thinking about marrying a girl I onlyheard speak less than an hour ago? \"Helloo?\"15\"Erm...\" I cleared my throat. \"I'd like to get to know her.\" I said honestly. It was tooearly to talk about marriage. Hamza looked thoughtful.\"Take my number. I wanna get to know you first, before I let you anywhere near mysister.\" That sounded more brotherly. And it sounded like something I wascomfortable with. I gave him my number and we avoided the topic of Safia from thatmoment onwards. We approached the house and I was hoping to catch a glance ofSafia before we went home. We sat in the room we were in before. A girl came incarrying tea. I saw a hijab from the corner of my eye and I began feeling nervous. Ilooked up to see it was Zayna. To hide my disappointment, I began a conversationwith Hamza again.22\"The food was delicious.\" I told him.\"Safia made it.\" He said glaring at me.79\"Don't look at me like that. I didn't know. I thought your mum made it.\" He smiledand changed the topic to my Alim course again. Then it hit me then that Hamza wasprobably interrogating me for Safia. He was trying to get to know me. I tried makingmyself sound the best I could without lying.\"You're trying too hard. It's okay, calm down. I won't judge you. I'm just getting toknow you.\" Hamza told me. Although I should have felt embarrassed, I was humbledby what he said.6\"Yeah, I know. I guess I've just been judged a lot in the past. You know, having nodegree but having long beard,\" I confessed.20

\"I know what you mean. It's like society expects everyone to be the same,\" Hamzareplied and I nodded in agreement. We got into an interesting conversation and justas I was getting comfortable, my mum called out my name.\"Yusi, let's go.\" I got up from my seat and Hamza and his mum walked us to the door.We said our goodbyes and left. I met uncle Yahya outside before I got into the car.We briefly said salaam to each other before he went running in calling after Safia. Istill hadn't seen her. It was then I realized that I had just agreed to get to know a girlwho I had never seen for the prospect of marriage. I began to worry. Before I couldquestion what I was doing, I remembered, whatever happens, happens for areason. If I ended up marrying this girl and she was hideous, I will still love her andfind her beautiful with the help of Allah. And I was sure it wouldn't be too hardbecause she makes delicious food.

Chapter 3.Safia's POV\"Safia!\" Uncle Yahya, Hafsa's dad, called as Hafsa and I were acting out Rapunzel inmy room. I had my long hair dangling down the side of the bed whilst Hafsapretended to climb up. These were the kinds of things Hafsa and I did. At least ithelped us refrain from backbiting. The first time uncle Yahya asked me aboutAbubakar and not Hafsa, I was really surprised. Hafsa was only a year younger thanme. It was probably because Hafsa had made it clear that she didn't want to getmarried until I did. So far, only Hafsa, Aisha and I knew about uncle's suggestion ofmarrying Abubakar. That was about to change.21\"Come in!\" I said to my uncle while Hafsa and I quickly sat up on the bed andpretended to talk like normal adults should.\"Guess what?\" He said looking very pleased. My uncle may have been my father'sbrother and best friend's dad, approaching the age of 40, but he felt more like abrother to me. Hamza walked in behind him. \"I talked to Abubakar.\" He said. Myeyes widened. Uncle had talked to Abubakar already? So he was really serious?\"Well, Abubakar's family but same thing, right?\" His family? That was even moreserious. I froze trying to process what my uncle was saying. Although I had beenfantasizing about this marriage suggestion, I thought my uncle was bluffing. Ithought he was making plans that he wouldn't keep, like he always does.7\"You spoke to Abubakar's family about what?\" Hamza asked.\"About Safia's marriage. What do you think?\"\"Abubakar and Safia?” Hamza asked, astonished. “Uh oh.” That didn’t sound good.\"Er, Safia... I need to talk to you.\" I looked over at Hafsa who looked very confused.Hamza motioned for me to follow him. I had a bad feeling. Maybe he was going totell me something bad about Abubakar. I hope not. I followed him to his room.4\"What's wrong?\" I asked.1\"Why didn't anyone tell me about Abubakar?\" He asked angrily.\"I'm sorry, I didn't even know it was this serious.\"\"I can't believe you didn't tell me.\" I could see Hamza was hurt. I felt guilty.\"I really wasn't hiding it or anything, I just didn't think it was worth mentioning.\"

\"Oh so Uncle goes to speak to someone's family about marrying you off to their sonand you think it's not worth mentioning?\" Now I was getting a little frustrated.7\"Look, I didn't think it was serious! You know what uncle's like. He said he was goingto take me ice skating two weeks ago and now he's forgotten.\"\"Yeah, ice skating and marriage are the same thing.\" He said sarcastically. I glared athim.18\"Whatever. Why did you say uh oh?\" Hamza stood silent for a while. Then he smiledand I knew our argument was over.\"Okay, I'll tell you even though you didn't tell me about Abubakar.\" He pouted. Icould tell he was just joking now. \"You know that guy that came today... Mum’sfriend’s son…\"2\"The guy with the brown beard?\"8\"Yeah. His name's Yusuf.\"2\"Yeah?\"\"And you know, ages ago, you told me to look for a husband for you...\"2\"Yeah...?\" I think I knew where this conversation was leading to.5\"He kinda expressed some interest in you...\" What? Brown beard, I mean Yusuf,expressed interest in me? \"And I gave him my number. I thought he'd be good foryou.\" I was speechless. \"I didn't know about Abubakar.\" He sounded defensive. \"I'msorry.\"10\"Why?\" I asked shocked that someone was interested in me. Me!13\"I dunno. I... don't know.\"\"So you have no idea why he sounded interest in me.\"\"Oh that! I thought you were asking why I was sorry.\" I smiled a little. A lot of thetime, I felt like I was older than Hamza's. \"He was impressed by what you're studyingand the uni you go to and he liked your food.\" I felt so flattered! I asked Hamza forevery detail on what happened and every word he said.10\"Is he cute?\" I asked him when he finished.13

\"Didn't you see him?\"\"No, I'm not a perv... Unless it's a celebrity...\" I started to feel guilty about how inThe Vampire Diaries, my eyes were always on Damon. Unless he was shirtless, thenI closed my eyes to avoid the fitnah (temptation). I'm not that much of a pervert.Hamza gave me a suspicious look.254\"Yeah, he's good looking, I guess.\"\"But does he know that?\" I couldn't stand it when people were full of themselves.3\"What about Abubakar?\" Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about him.\"Erm... That's not final so... This is all too much! I need Hafsa.\" I ran into my roomwhere Hafsa was waiting for me. Uncle had gone. I quickly shut the door.5\"Hafsa! You won't believe it! You know brown beard guy? His name's Yusuf. Wait,we need a code name that's not too obvious.\" I thought for a while. We gave guyscode names and referred to them as 'she' so our parents wouldn't suspect anythingwhilst we talked about them. Hafsa's parents were leniant because they werebrought up the west but mine were more cultural. My dad was a lot older than UncleYahya and was brought up in an Asian country. They thought it was illegal for a youngwoman to mention a non-mahram man. \"Pirate!\" I suddenly shouted151\"What? How does that even relate?\"\"Brown beard... Black beard... Captain Blackbeard the pirate!\" I said as if it was soobvious. Hafsa made an understanding face. \"So pirate asked Hamza if he could getto know me to marry me.\" I said in one breath.18\"What?! Oh my Lord! This is so exciting!\" Hafsa squealed. I told her the whole storythat Hamza had told me.4\"Can you believe it! He's an alim!\" That was one of my dreams, to marry an alim.48\"That sounds amazing! But...\" I knew she was about to bring up Abubakar again.\"Dad said Cake's family are coming around on Sunday.\" We called Abubakar Cakebecause some people pronounced his name as Abu baker.165

\"Whoa! They must be eager to get him married.\" Sunday was only 4 days away. NowI felt torn. It would have been easy to say yes to Abubakar but I had so many doubts.5 years we went to the same school and he never even saw me. It seemed that allof my friends had spoken to him, except me. He didn't like me. He barely knew me.But Yusuf didn't know me either. But at least I knew he actually liked somethingabout me.6\"Hafsa this is too hard. Shall I flip a coin?\"28\"It's not that hard. Safia, Abubakar's family are coming to see you on Sunday.\" Hafsatold me again. She used Abubakar's real name. That just emphasized how real thissituation was.2\"6 years I've been waiting for someone to propose,\" The idea of marriage enteredmy head when I was 14, I mentally matured very early. \"And now two people on thesame day.\" I smiled to myself. It felt kinda nice, like I was special. \"I'll see how Sundaygoes. I'll tell Hamza to just... I don't know... Not mention me? Besides, Pirate,\" I saidsmirking at the silly name he now had. \"won't be heartbroken. He doesn't know me!\"Hafsa nodded in agreement. \"Hafsa, we're growing up.\" I wiped away a fake tear asHafsa gave me a big hug.104\"Don't worry, we'll sneak behind our husbands' backs and re-enact movies forever.\"She assured me. I felt so happy but a little sad at the same time. I knew now thatthings were starting to change.

Chapter 4.Safia's POV14My family was big and complicated. It was two families sort of mixed into one. AuntieAsma, uncle Yahya's wife, became very ill about a month after she gave birth toHafsa. My mum had to take care of Hafsa whilst auntie Asma was rushed to hospital.Hafsa was crying because she was hungry so my mum, who had me about 11 monthsearlier, fed Hafsa her own breast milk. Islamically, this made Hafsa our sister. Later,after auntie Asma's third daughter, Samiya, the doctor told her that she shouldn'thave any more children as it was too much of a risk to her health. Auntie washeartbroken realizing she wouldn't have a son. Not having had a brother herself, shedesired for her daughters to have a brother. So then my mother told her to feedAmaan, who was 14 months old, her breast milk so she could Islamically have a son.It all sounds really bizarre, but that's why our families were really close.154That was why Uncle Yahya had found me a potential spouse without having myparents involved. My parents kind of knew what was going on, but like me, theywere unsure whether uncle was serious. Nonetheless, my parents trusted him fully.In fact, when Tariq, my brother in law, approached Aisha towards the end of hercollege days, it was Uncle Yahya's number that Aisha had given Tariq. And it wasuncle Yahya who scrutinized Tariq before he concluded he'd be fit for Aisha. I guessmy family was dysfunctional, but in a good way.28So here I was, sitting between my mum and dad who both looked very sad, waitingfor Abubakar's family to come. I wondered how they felt when uncle Yahya had toldthem 'Abubakar's family are coming to see your daughter in 4 days.'\"If you don't want me to go through with this, it's okay.\" I said, hoping to make themfeel better.

\"Safia,\" My dad said turning towards me. \"You know if it were up to me, I'd neverget you married and keep you here forever. But I have to let you go one day. Youknow what they say, daughters are like guests, destined to get married and leavehome as soon as they become adults so we have to take special care of them.\" Mydad smiled at me sadly, as if I was about to leave so soon. Suddenly I didn't want toget married anymore. Noticing the expression on my face, my dad changed thesubject and tried to ease my worried mind. \"I've heard a lot of praises aboutAbubakar from Yahya and I've met him a couple of times myself. I have absolutelyno reason to stop his family from coming over today because if I do, I'm beingselfish.\" That was so sweet. Before I could think of a response, my mum beganspeaking.37\"But if I don't like what I see today, I'm not going to let you marry him, okay?\" Thatsounded a little harsh and made me nervous. \"Safia, you're really mature and you'llmake a great wife in'sha'allah but you're so innocent. You can't tell when someone'sputting on an act.\" That was true; I'd been such a pushover through my teenageyears for this reason. It was one of the things that made my mum worry about me.11\"I trust you completely.\" I said to my mum and dad. The thing I loved about theelders in my family was their love of Islam over culture. This meant I didn't have toworry about having secretly been engaged when I was 1 or not being allowed tomarry someone who wasn't the same race as us.44\"They're leaving; Yaqub just gave me a text.\" Uncle Yahya told me. Yaqub wasAbubakar's dad. I quickly got up and run upstairs where I could hear Amaan andHafsa arguing with Hamza.3\"Safia! Finally. Tell them they have to wait their turn!\" Hamza said as he was playingon the Wii.\"But he's been on it for ages!\" Hafsa whined.\"It's not my fault I'm just so good.\"\"Excuse me!\" I shouted and they stopped to look up at me. \"My possible future inlaws are on their way here and I'm this close\" I put my index finger and thumb acentimeter away from each other. \"to having some sort of panic attack!\" Hamza putthe Wii down and Hafsa motioned for me to sit on Amaan's bed. Amaan's room waswhere we all hung out to play the Wii. 16\"We're sorry. Calm down. Nothing's final.\"

\"Yeah but Aisha got married like 2 months after Tariq's family came over. If that'swhat happens to me, I'll be married in 2 months! No more staying up on Wattpaduntil late at night or messing up when I'm cooking or having someone to clean upafter me.\" Hafsa told Hamza and Amaan to leave the room. As they did, Hafsa pulledmy shoulders to make me face her.4\"But you'll have what you've been dreaming of.\" Hafsa wasn't so great at comforting.I wasn't so great at receiving comfort either. I preferred someone distracting mewith something funny. Hafsa knew this so she started singing the song fromEnchanted, \"I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss! And a handsome... Abubakarto come with this!\"1\"Hafsa! Astaghfirullah!\" Hafsa began laughing and it cheered me up too.1\"Look, just stay calm. I know it's easier said than done but remember, you have allof us.\"3\"Exactly!\" Faiza, Hafsa's sister, said coming into the room. This whole situation withAbubakar was kind of Faiza's doing. Hafsa and I let Faiza be part of our conversation.Hafsa had told me she had seen Abubakar recently and he had a beard. So I foolishlyadmitted he was handsome and began making comments on how he was soconfident in school. Faiza, trying to act older than her age of 17, went and told uncleYahya about what I had said. We all knew that Abubakar taught weekend classes atthe Masjid uncle and dad prayed at. Little did I know that I was going to end up inthis situation. I still couldn't quite believe it.\"Do you think he'll like me?\" I asked them for the millionth time. Hafsa slapped theback of my head. Looking at my stressed face, Faiza went out of the room. A littlewhile later, she came back with Samiya and Amaan.9\"DOG PILE!\" She shouted and they all jumped on me. That was so completelyrandom but it definitely stopped me from thinking about Abubakar. I was sodistracted from being unable to breathe that when the doorbell rang, I thought itwas Aisha. A little while later I heard Hamza's voice.3\"They're here.\" Everyone climbed off me and I sat, frozen. \"You look a mess!\" Iquickly ran to my room with Hafsa following. The abaya and scarf I'd chosen to wearwere lying on my bed. I quickly put it on, making sure I look okay.6\"No makeup?\"

\"No, I want him to see me exactly as I am. Besides, this is how I look normallyanyway.\" Hafsa gave me an encouraging smile. Fidgeting with my hijab once moreto make sure it was symmetrical, I ran down the stairs.6\"Hamza said you have to wait in the dining room till they call you in.\" Amaan toldme. I walked into the dining room and slumped into a chair. The wait seemed to taketoo long. With every second, the nerves in my stomach got worse. By the end, I wasbeginning to feel sick. \"They're calling you in now.\" I looked at my hand which wasshaking so much that it looked as if it had a life of its own. 6\"I'm not ready.\" I whispered.\"Shall I go tell them that?\" Amaan asked.3\"No! Don't be silly. You go, she's coming.\" Hafsa pulled me up. \"I don't say this oftenbut Safia, you are beautiful and they will love you! Believe me. I don't lie and I don'tdo white lies either.\" I nodded my head with my face down. \"Head up, smile, beconfident.\" I attempted to do as she said. She gave me a reassuring smile and I mademy way to the door of the room in which Abubakar and his family sat. With a deepbreath, I pushed the door open and went inside. I looked at the unfamiliar facesgazing at me smiling. Then I saw that familiar face, Abubakar's. Our eyes lockedbefore I quickly put my head down again.

Chapter 5.Yusuf's POVI sat in my living room, bored out of my mind. I looked down at my phone, nothinginteresting. I flicked through the TV channels, nothing interesting there either.\"I'm going to Aliya's house now. Tell mum. She knows.\" Maryam told me. I lookedup at my dear sister. She noticed a look of disapproval on my face. Maryam was now15 but didn't wear a hijab. She was a good girl though, and I trusted her. I understoodhow it could be hard to wear a hijab in a western society. I decided to help her onestep at a time to wearing the hijab. \"What's wrong with me now?\" She asked with ahint off annoyance in her voice.51\"Can you not wear something slightly longer? Your jeans are a bit tight.\" I always feltguilty when saying things like this to Maryam. After all, she was a lot better thanother girls her age, whether they had a hijab or not.\"I'm only going to Aliya's house.\" She reasoned.\"Okay. Just know I'm saying this for your benefit. Do you want me to drive you?\"Maryam was silent; I could tell she was thinking. She then went back upstairs and Iput my head in my hands hoping I hadn't just angered her. That wasn't my intent. Alittle while later, Maryam came down having changed her top into a dress.52\"Yes you can drive me.\" I smiled as I got up. I was glad she listened to me. It mademy boring day a little better.910 minutes later, I was back where I started, sitting on the sofa looking into thin air.My mum came and sat on the other sofa. I wish she had come and sit next to me. Ipushed the thought away; I was being such a baby. I had been contemplating onwhether I should tell my mum about Safia. Hamza hadn't been talking to me muchregarding the Safia topic. Our conversations were mostly on Islamic matters andfootball. I then decided I should tell my mum. She was my mother, she deserved toknow the life decisions I was thinking about making. After building up enoughcourage, I called her.6\"Mum,\" Mum turned to face me. Swallowing my spit, I continued. \"You know Safia,auntie Hajra's daughter...?\" My mum raised her eyebrow at me. I'd said this much,not knowing what to say next.12\"What about her?\"

\"Well, erm... Well, as I’m looking for a wife, I thought it’d be good to get to knowher.\" My mum rolled her eyes.18\"I talked to Hajra this morning over the phone. She said there's a proposal for Safiaand the family are coming today. She may even get engaged today.\" I sat up shocked.Why hadn't Hamza told me this? \"Besides, she's not exactly someone I want as mydaughter in law. I want someone who knows how to dress and look nice. If you askme, she's a bit-\"37\"Stop mum. It's not good to speak ill of people.\" I got up and ran to my room. I wasangry. I couldn't say I was heartbroken, that would be irrational and illogical, I barelyknew her! But I'd just lost another potential partner. Finding a wife was becomingway too hard. I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I knew the reason forall this anger and frustration. I knew what it all came down to.39I was still unsure whether it was paranoia but I felt my mother loved my brothermore. She looked at him with such pride. Whenever we had guests around, she'dcall Javed to show him off. I wished she would look at me the same way. But Javedwas the one with a degree, a good job and he was the handsome one. He dressedaccording to the latest fashion and always looked good. I, on the other hand, wasskinny and tall which made me look lanky, I had a little limp most of the time whichwas caused by an injury which I didn't treat soon enough, and I had a beard. I didn'tthink it was that much of an issue; it was the size of my fist, as I had read it wassupposed to be Islamically. And I thought I kept it quite neat. But my mum didn't likeit. Nor did she like the jubbahs (Arab dresses for men) I wore. But I did so anywaybecause I wanted to please my Lord. I felt she didn't accept me but I couldn't changebecause my life was after all for my creator.130I rolled over to bury my face in my pillow. I'd given up yearning for my mum to loveme like she loved Javed. I knew she loved me, and I should have been content andgrateful but I couldn't help wanting more. I wanted someone to look at me withpride and joy, not disappointment. I had decided marriage was my best choice theday I bumped into a friend of mine who was out with his wife. She clung to him as ifshe was afraid of letting him go. She had pulled him down to whisper something inhis ear. Then they looked at each other with their eyes twinkling and it hit me. Thatwas what I wanted. If my mother was never going to be happy with whom I was,then maybe my wife will. But who knew who my future wife was and where she washiding. Only Allah knew. 45

A little while after feeling sorry for myself, I picked up my phone to call Hamza. Iwanted to know why he hadn't told me about Safia's proposal.\"Asalamu'alaykum.\" I said as he picked up. I must have sounded as depressed as Ifelt because he responded,\"Wa'alaykumslaam. Is everything okay?\" I felt stupid asking but asked anyway.\"Why didn't you tell me about Safia's possible engagement?\" I think I sounded moreupset than I actually was.\"Oh, wait a second.\" I heard some shuffling so I assumed he was moving to the nextroom where he could give me an explanation without someone overhearing.\"I'm sorry. I only found out about this after you left. She's not getting engaged today;don't know where you got that from. There's just a family over to see her. To behonest, I'm shipping my sister with you. I have a bad feeling about the other guy.\"This made me smile. 81\"We're not in some story that you can 'ship' us.\" I replied.105\"Yeah yeah, you know what I mean.\"\"Just pray everything goes smooth, in'sha'allah whatever will happen will happen forthe best.\" I was kind of reminding myself too. I had to be patient. My future wife wastaking her sweet time getting to me for a reason.26\"Hmm, yeah you're right.\" Before the awkward silence could commence, Hamzachanged the topic. \"Hey, Sheikh Khalid Yasin's coming to my local Dar Ul-loom(Islamic school) to give a lecture. Wanna come?\" Through the magic of texting,Hamza and I became really close, really quick.16\"When?\"\"Next week, Saturday.\"\"Sounds good. I'll be there in'sha'allah. By the way, you have stop using me for everyquestion you have related to Islam. There's something called books you know.\" Iadded to lighten the mood. I was still a little uncomfortable about the reason for thephone call.\"What books do you recommend?\"

\"Is that another question?\"\"So I should pick up a book to find a book to read?\"24\"Yeah, they have references to other books. One book can lead you onto a wholelibrary of other books.\" I then heard that familiar voice in the distance.\"I was so nervous! I was scared I might shout poop or fart cos you know like whenyou try to stop yourself from doing something so much that you end up doing itanyway...\" That made me chuckle. 85\"Safia you're not making any sense and I'm on the phone, can't you see?\" I heardSafia gasp.\"Please tell me that's not a Maulana or Shaykh!\" (A qualified person with a lot ofIslamic knowledge)\"Tell her it's a Mufti!\" (Another term for a person with Islamic knowledge) I toldHamza. I bit my lip with anticipation of how she would react.9\"It's a Mufti.\" Hamza told her and I heard another gasp.\"A Mufti just heard me say fart and poop?!\" She sounded like she was about to cry.By now I was actually laughing.50\"He can still hear you.\" Hamza teased.3\"I'm just... I'm just gonna go now.\" I barely heard that through my laughing.9\"I'm kidding Safia! It's Yusuf.\" I could hear Hamza laughing too.\"That's even worse!\" She exclaimed.19\"She's gone now, someone was calling her.\" My laughing died down but there wasstill a smile etched on my face.6\"She's funny.\" I gathered my thoughts before adding, \"Don't take that the wrongway!\" Hamza started snickering.\"You've completed your Alim course, doesn't that make you a Maulana?\" Hamzaasked curiously.7\"I guess so, but I don't want to classify myself as one. I've still got lots more to learn.\"2

\"Cool. Do you know-\" Hamza suddenly stopped as I began to hear distant shoutingthrough the phone. \"What the...? Forget what I was going to say. I have to go.Salaam.\" He quickly said and hung up before I had the chance to ask what washappening. This worried me. After thinking for a while, I decided to take out myprayer mat and bow down to my Lord and ask for his help. I prayed everything wasokay in Safia and Hamza's house. Then I prayed for Allah to help me and make mehappy. Then I prayed that I'd get married to a pious woman who I will love, and whowill love me back, very soon. Who better to turn to in your time of need than theone who created you?

Chapter 6.Safia's POVI sat in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought everything was goingwell. I had gone in, sat down. His mother and I made polite conversation. Hafsawalked in after me as I had asked her to for support. After Hamza left for a phonecall, my mum made those eyes, indicating for me to leave. When I left the room Iwas buzzing with excitement. Abubakar seemed like a really nice guy. His parentswere amazing. I was ready to say yes until they called me into the dining room andbroke the news to me.9\"Er... He... Erm... Well... Do you like him Safia?\" Uncle Yahya asked.\"Yeah. Why? Why do you sound so nervous? They rejected me didn't they?\" Theway uncle spoke gave it away. My throat tightened.\"Not exactly... He's now asking for Hafsa's hand in marriage.\" I completely froze.142\"WHAT?\" Hafsa shouted. She was sitting next to me as I held onto her arm. Sheyanked her arm away from mine and marched into the next room. Uncle Yahyashould have known this was going to happen. Hafsa lost her temper. \"YOU DID NOTJUST DO THAT!\" She screamed at Abubakar. There were gasps and murmurs.57Different voices were saying similar things such as ‘Hafsa!’ ‘Stop!’ ‘What are youdoing?’ But Hafsa continued\"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? SAFIA'S WAY TOO GOOD FOR YOU ANYWAY!\" Iwould have been flattered that Hafsa was standing up for me, but I was just upset.It happened again. I pushed past everyone coming in my way trying to calm medown. They knew of my insecurities, they knew what affect this would have on me.I nearly knocked Samiya over as I made my way to my room and slammed the doorshut. I liked him, but I wasn't in love with him. What was really making me upset wasthat he had chosen Hafsa over me. Well of course he would have. I faced the mirror,disgusted at my reflection. 27

\"Why? Why are you so ugly?\" I asked myself. \"Why can't you be like Hafsa?\" I couldfeel myself getting angry. \"Why are you so pathetic and useless?\" I knew I shouldn'tbe saying this but I carried on. \"You thought he'd say yes to you? Just accept it! Noone will ever love you!\" I walked away from the mirror and curled up unto the cornerof my room and began to sob. I could faintly hear people talking downstairs. I couldhear Hafsa getting told off. Then I heard people leave. A while after the front doorshut, the house went silent. Then I heard Hafsa coming into my room.18\"Safia, I'm so sorry.\" She said putting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched.\"It's not your fault you're beautiful and I'm a troll.\"7\"Don't say that!\"\"It's true though! It's like the whole Talha thing all over but on a much larger scale.\"In my college days with Hafsa, there was a boy named Talha. He was handsome andreligious. We had spoken a couple of times regarding charity events. I ended uphaving a crush on him, being the hormonal teenager I was. One day he approachedus with his friend. I began getting butterflies and a smile formed on my face. It turnedout; he had approached us in order to propose to Hafsa. Hafsa then gave him a pieceof her mind, like she had done so again today.31\"Talha and Abubakar are blind and stupid. You can't let them affect you.\"\"They're not blind and stupid; I'm just hideous and worthless.\"15\"Safia! Get up, look at me.\"\"The last thing I want to see is your beautiful face compared to mine.\" I moaned.1\"Stop being so silly, sit up and look at me.\" I did as I was told. I looked at Hafsa. Ireally couldn't blame Abubakar. Hafsa had a flawless skin, a cute little nose, plumppink lips and these beautiful big eyes which looked pinched at the ends to make itlook as if she was wearing eyeliner. I wasn't jealous. With jealousy comes hatred andI could never hate Hafsa. I just wished I was more like her. Hafsa took her phone outand began typing something.3

\"Watch this!\" She said as she put her phone in front of my face. It was a talk I hadmade everyone watch about a year ago. It was a short speech by Mufti Ismail Menkand Nouman Ali Khan. (The Youtube video -->) Both were educated men who gaveinspirational talks. I silently watched it as they spoke about how Allah molded eachhuman being and Allah does not make a mistake. Allah loves the way we look sowhat right do we have in hating ourselves? I began to feel very guilty. I began cryingeven more out of guilt.44\"I'm such a bad Muslim. I'm so ungrateful.\" I cried.23\"Allah is all forgiving, it's okay.\" I hugged my knees and hid my face. \"Remember thatstory of the man who asked his father to find him a wife.\"2\"No.\"\"You know! You told me it. He asked his dad to find him a wife and he trusted hisdad so much that he married her without having seen her. His dad had found him avery pious wife but one that most people thought was ugly. When he saw her, hewas so disappointed and upset. Then, while he was sleeping, his wife sprinkled coldwater on him. When he woke up, she told him that she had a lifelong dream offulfilling the sunnah of the prophet and awaken her husband by sprinkling cold wateron him and then read salaah behind him. She asked him to lead the prayer and hedid so. Now the man swears by Allah that when he finished his salaah and turnedaround, his wife was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.\" I smiledremembering that story. I absolutely loved it. 101\"And now they're old and have lots of grandkids.\" I added.\"Beauty is a matter of perception. For example, I think Channing Tatum is so hot butyou...\" Hafsa said waiting for me to finish of the sentence.31\"Can't seem to understand what the big deal about him is.\" My smile grew widerand I gave Hafsa a hug.44\"Are you feeling better?\" She asked.\"Yeah. Jazaka'allah.\" (May Allah reward you. Said as a thanks) “By the way, what elsedid you say to him?” Hafsa had that cheeky look on her face.5“I said, you’re an arrogant little punk, Safia deserves way better.”1“Hafsa! That’s so mean!” I held back my laugh.5

“I was angry.” She shrugged. “His parents started saying ‘We accept Safia.’ And I said‘Well I don’t accept you!” I began to laugh. Hafsa bit her lip, “Did I do the right thing?Do you still want to marry him?”13“No way! Not after that!”4\"Good, now let's go down. Aisha's on her way with the little ones.\" I got up and wasabout to make my way down when I remembered something.1\"Hafsa, you go, I'll come down in a little while.\" She went and I shut the door again.I felt so guilty for the things I had said to myself. I got down on my knees and beganrepenting. Allah created me, Allah loved me and Allah does not make mistakes. Iasked Allah to forgive me for being ungrateful. I thanked him for the way he hadcreated me. After a lot of praying, there was a knock on my door. I opened it and inran Musa and Sarah, my nephew and niece.20\"Safia! I missed you!\" Musa said giving me a hug. Sara also gave me hug but thenturned back to look at my face.\"Thafia?\" She asked with her cute little lisp. \"Were you cwying?\" I wrapped her inmy arms.30\"Let's go downstairs and have some ice cream!\" I quickly said before they couldquestion me further. When I got down, there was a tense atmosphere. Everyonewas looking awkward and concerned. I held Musa and Sara's hands and draggedthem to the kitchen.\"Which flavour?\" I asked.1\"Musa, Sara, go to the living room. Your mum's calling you.\" Uncle Yahya told themas he walked in. When they went, uncle turned to me. \"I am so sorry Safia.\"\"It's fine uncle, honestly. I'm fine.\" Uncle nodded and then gave me a hug. Unclehadn't hugged me properly since I was about 10.6\"Hafsa's right. You're way too good for him.\" Uncle said. I hugged uncle back.\"It's not your fault. This is the qadr of Allah.\" (Destiny). Uncle let go of me and I couldtell he was feeling very guilty. He smiled at me.4

\"You're so mature and strong.\" I felt like scoffing and saying 'as if.' He should've seenme 10 minutes ago curled into a ball crying my eyes out. But I didn't say anything. Ijust nodded. Uncle patted my head and walked away. I called Musa and Sara back.Their innocent faces held expressions of confusion and fear. They could sensesomething had just happened.5\"Which flavours did you want?\" I asked again.\"Chocolate!\" Musa said, his face breaking into an excited grin.\"Chocolate!\" Sara copied. I scooped some chocolate flavoured ice cream into bowlsand took them to the dining room. Sara and Musa followed me. We sat down, thenHamza came in.3\"Probably not the best time to mention this... But don't worry about Abu-\"\"Cake! There's kids here.\" We didn't like to talk about marriage and things in frontof the little ones because they were blabber mouths and took things out of context.5\"Where?\" Musa asked.11\"Nowhere, you just carry on eating your ice cream.\" Musa looked a littledisappointed.\"Don't worry about cake.\" Hamza said rolling his eyes. \"Because there's still Yus-\"\"Pirate! Gosh you're slow today.\" I smiled thinking of him. \"Besides, not anymore.He heard me say fart and poop.\" I responded3\"He thought that was funny.\"14\"I've had too much of boy drama today. Let's talk about something else.\"\"But I'm just saying, I think he quite likes you.\"\"He hasn't seen Hafsa yet. Anyway, how's work?\" I wanted to take my mind off thiswhole issue of marriage.10\"You never ask me about work.\" A moment later, Hamza said, \"Safia, give yourselfmore credit. You're not that bad.\" Hamza was trying to compliment me. I wasflattered at his attempts.22\"Thanks.\" I replied. There was no mention of marriage or proposals for the rest ofthe day. I was glad for that.

Chapter 7.Yusuf POVI was in the car, on my way to Sheikh Khalid Yasin's lecture with Hamza. He had askedme earlier in the week if it was okay for Safia and Hafsa to come with us and I toldhim it was fine. He called me later and told me Safia doesn't want a non Mahram todrive them so she was going to take a bus with Hafsa, Samiya and Sara. I'd seen Sara;it was Hamza and Safia's niece. When I visited Hamza's house, she had come up tome and began asking questions like, 'are you my uncle?' 'Why have I never seenyou?' 'What's your cat's name?' She was adorable.47I still hadn't found out what happened the day I had called Hamza. I'd asked him acouple of times and he just replied 'everything's fine.' I decided to ask once more. Ididn't even know if Safia was marrying this guy whose family had come to see her.\"What happened on Saturday then? You still haven't told me.\"\"Doesn't matter what happened. What matters is that I was right. I had a bad feelingabout Abubakar and I turned out to be right.\" He looked a bit smug about that.\"So that guy's not marrying Safia?\" I asked. I must have sounded hopeful becauseHamza gave me a strange look. It was ridiculous to have sounded hopeful. I barelyknew the girl! I had told myself this hundreds of times already.\"No, he's not coming anywhere near her.\" This invoked my curiosity but I didn'tquestion him further. There was a silence again. It then occurred to me that Safiaand I would be in the same place. I might see her. I'd tried to stop thinking about herover the week. I was convinced she would be getting married to that man, whosename I had just learnt was Abubakar. All I knew about Safia was she was practicing,polite, smart and a little crazy. Kind of the attributes I associated with my future wifeeven before I knew of her existence. 1\"Do you even think my sister is pretty?\" Hamza asked. I didn’t expect him to ask methat. I was actually hoping he wouldn't ask me this question. Now I had to tell him Ihadn't even seen her.3\"I don't know.\" I replied, feeling uncomfortable.\"What do you mean you don't know?\"

\"Well, when she walked into the room, I think I may have just seen a bit of her hijab.I then looked down without having even really seen her. So I don't really know howshe looks.\" I kind of shuffled in my seat feeling stupid. I abruptly changed the subject.\"Great! We're here. Where do we park up?\" I asked as we approached the Dar UlLoom. Now Safia should have been the last thing I wanted to talk about. I was aboutto see the great Sheikh Khalid Yasin. He had flown over all the way from the US.12\"There's a parking space there.\" Hamza pointed to an empty space and I parked up.“So you never even saw Safia?” I nodded an awkward no. “She hasn’t seen youeither. She said she was also looking down when she came in the room. You guysare like a match made in heaven.” I raised my eyebrow at Hamza.35“Why are you so keen on the idea of your sister marrying me?” It was rather unusual.“Because she asked me to look for a husband for her so long ago. She said shewanted him to be an alim, respect his mother and have a brown beard as a bonus.You seem to be ticking all the boxes. She said a bunch of other stuff and I’m sure youhave those qualities too. I’m a good judge of character. Besides, I’m so grateful thatshe’s a good girl. She could have easily turned out rude and weird like most of theseother girls in society but she didn’t. And I get on really well with her. She says I’mmore like a sister to her.” He said laughing. There was seriousness in his toneshowing genuine gratitude. I admired their closeness. Their brother sisterrelationship was sort of the relationship I aimed to have with Maryam. At themoment we were like big kids, playing pranks and teasing each other. But Maryamwas growing up. My mum and brother weren’t the most practicing people. It was upto me and my dad to guide Maryam. She was still young and could go either way.This is why I was so careful when giving her dawah. I wanted to maintain our bond.So far, things were going well.21We got out of the car and went inside, exchanging salaams with many brothersstanding around. Hamza knew most of the people there. I didn't really knowanyone; I lived on the other side of the city. He introduced me to many brothers andwe quickly became acquainted. We prayed Asr then settled down when the imamannounced Sheikh Khalid Yasin was about to begin his lecture.2

The lecture was truly inspirational. The topic was about marriage. (Youtube video -->). It certainly felt like this was a sign from Allah. Sheikh Khalid Yasin spoke abouthow a husband should be with his wife and the wife's role in the home. By the end,I had made a vow to myself that I would try to be the best husband I could. I alreadyhad great respect for women. I was taught during my Alim course about all the thingsa woman had to go through. It sounded quite horrific. Their times of the month,giving birth and losing control of their emotions. Yet they tried to be ‘equal’ to men.How could they be equal to men when their status was so high that Jannah lay undertheir feet after they became mothers? I felt as if this talk was that extra boost Ineeded in order to be ready for marriage. Every time a woman rejected me in thepast, I felt frustrated. I thought Allah might have been punishing me. But it occurredto me, Allah knows best. Allah knew when I would be ready for marriage and thingswill happen when the time is right.148We got up stretching our stiff legs. I was still in a state of awe. Somehow life had ledme to this moment. Life was funny like that. I really felt much closer to Allah. Wemade our way out with everyone discussing their views on the talk. I, on the otherhand, was still speechless. Not at the talk, but at my realization. All these doubtskept coming into my head but everything that happened was happening for the best.My life was leading to something only Allah knew of. All I had to do was trust Him.\"There's Safia and Hafsa with Sara. Why isn't Samiya with them?\" I think Hamza waskind of talking to himself as we stood outside. I looked towards the women entranceon my right. I recognized Sara right away. She was between two women who Iassumed were Safia and Hafsa. Wait, one of them was Safia! I looked between thetwo. One of the girls was wearing a floral scarf and the other was wearing a navyblue scarf. I immediately knew which one I wanted to be Safia. Both were pretty butthe girl in the navy blue scarf had something about her. It wasn’t just her beauty. Itwas some sort of unexplainable attraction. I quickly turned around. Never had Ilooked at a girl and felt that way.45\"I'm going to get my car.\" I told Hamza knowing he was going to call them.\"Okay, I'm just going to go ask when they're coming home. And where Samiya is.\" Inodded and walked away. I sat down in my car and tried to work out which of thosegirls was Safia. I shook away the thought. This was bad. I'd just come out of gettingsome sort of religious awakening and I was thinking about girls. I looked up towardsthe sky. I'd leave it with Allah. I'd stop thinking about Safia and the girl in the navyblue scarf, whether that was her or not. That's what I told myself. Besides,personality mattered more than looks. Just then, Hamza jumped in.

\"They're coming home just before maghrib. Safia said she wanted to take Sara tothe park and have ice cream. Samiya was inside looking for her shoes.\" I thoughtabout asking which one Safia was but stopped myself. I had just told myself not tothink about it. \"Wanna come around my house?\"\"I can't. I've got to take my sister Maryam to buy paint for her room. We had cousinsover a month ago and they drew all over her walls.\" I smiled remembering that I hadtold them to do that. It was revenge for when she put slime on my pillow. Maryamwanted to paint her walls a different colour anyway.4I dropped Hamza to his house and went home. I tried to distract myself but theimage of the girl with the navy blue scarf was still in my head. Was that Hafsa orSafia?

Chapter 8.Safia’s POVAfter the whole embarrassing Abubakar incident, I was in no rush to get married. I’dresolved to enjoy my single life a little more. When we were making plans to go tosee Sheikh Khalid Yasin’s talk, Hamza had told me his friend could drive us. Iimmediately knew there was something fishy going on by the tone of his voice. Aftermuch inquiring, he admitted it was Yusuf who he had asked to drive us. I told himno. I didn’t feel comfortable enough with a non-mahram driving us let alone Yusuf!He was the first person to ever have shown interest in me and I didn’t want to ruinthat. Also, I knew myself too well. If Yusuf drove us, all my attention would be onhim and that’s just Islamically wrong, isn’t it?59I had gone to the lecture and as always, I was so moved and inspired by Sheikh KhalidYasin’s words. I was afraid to take Sara with me in fear that she would causedisruption. Aisha wasn’t feeling well so I thought I’d help her with the kids. Luckily,Sara was very well behaved so Hafsa and I took her for a treat to the park after thetalk ended.When Hafsa and I got home, we were so tired. As usual I had dropped a bit of icecream on my hijab. I left the bathroom door open as I washed the stain out.19“This scene is all too familiar. When are you going to start eating like a human?”“The day my brother learns to act like one.”2“Who? Amaan? I’m gonna tell him!” Hamza put on a fake shocked face.9“What do you want?” I asked after failing to think of a comeback.“I need a word with you.”“Proceed.” I told him.4“Stop trying to be intellectual.”“If one is highly intellectual then one should express their intellect.” Hamza rolledhis eyes. “Fine, go downstairs, I’m coming.” I left my hijab on the radiator to dry,taking a fresh one out of my wardrobe. I loosely wrapped it around my head. Thereweren’t any non-mahrams in the house but this was just a habit of mine. I walkedinto our spacious living room to find Hamza wasn’t there. “Where’s Hamza?” I askedout loud to no one in particular1

“In here.” He replied from the dining room. We called it the ‘dining room’ but wehardly ate there. We either sat on table in the kitchen or sat in the living room toeat. The dining room was just a room where we sat to discuss matters away fromour parents. Only guests ate dinners there.7“Why doth thou summon me?” I asked.36“Take a seat Shakespeare.” I sat down across from Hamza. I knew he was going tobe talking to me about something serious. I wasn’t in the mood.8“So what’s this about?”“You know Yusuf hasn’t seen you either yet? He was lowering his gaze too.” Hamzasmiled at me as if this would make me like Yusuf more. I didn’t smile back. Nor wasI happy. Yeah it was great that the guy was practicing but why would he ask to getto know me if he hadn’t seen me? “He thinks you’re smart and funny.” Hamza saidas if he was reading my mind. I felt my thoughts leading to negativity as it processedin my mind that Yusuf hadn't seen me yet. I tried to stop it but they jumped into myhead. Of course, Yusuf didn’t like me because of my looks. That sounds like a goodthing but I so wished he thought I was pretty. He probably wouldn’t want to get toknow me if he’d seen me.“Cool.” I replied forcing a smile. ‘Allah moulded you, Allah loves the way you look,Allah will grant your wish of a loving husband, be patient.’ I kept saying over andover in my head. I didn’t like this feeling of insecurity. It literally made me feel slightlysick.11“What’s wrong? I thought that’s a great thing. He lowers his gaze and he’s notsuperficial.”“Nothing’s wrong. That’s great.” Hamza looked unconvinced but carried onregardless.“So, do you want to get to know him?” I’d be lying if I said no. I had just persuadedmyself that I was in no rush to get married. It felt logical to say no but I knew I’dregret it later if I didn’t seize this opportunity and take the risk. I knew no matterwhat I told myself, the desire for marriage was always present.“Let me think about it.” I replied and went to my room.

For the rest of the evening all I could do was think about it. I wasn’t even sure whatI was thinking. I was imagining all sorts of scenarios. What if he was really hot but hehad a horrible personality? Definitely wouldn’t accept that. But what if he was reallyugly but had the most amazing personality. Ugly people with good personalitiesbecome better looking in loved ones eyes over time. I’d consider that. I guess I’d behappiest with average looks and a humble personality. I strangely didn’t find the ideaof a really hot husband that appealing. That is unless he happened to look likeMichael Scofield from Prison Break. But what were the chances of that? Finally,when I was about to sleep, I had come to a conclusion of what I’d do. I’d make a listof questions and I’d make a judgment on whether I want to get to know him basedon that.60Morning came and I looked at the time, 11.00am. Everyone was awake except me,again. I forced myself out of bed. I dragged my legs to the bathroom rubbing myeyes. I really wasn’t a morning person. Then I remembered I had to make questionsfor Yusuf and I suddenly felt more awake. I was quite excited about this. After gettingready, having breakfast and praying Zuhr, I finally sat down on my bed with anotebook and pen in my hand.8Questions for YusufI wrote and then I began to think. What would I want to know about a guy? Whatwould be a sensible first question?1) Have you had any past relationships with women?10If I had kept myself pure, then he should be pure too. ‘Men of purity are for womenof purity, women of purity are for men of purity.’ (Qur’an 24:26). But Hamza mightread this. I guess I should make it more subtle. And maybe it shouldn’t be the firstquestion. I crossed it out.311) What are your views on women working? For example, a woman becoming ateacher.5I wanted to become a teacher so I had to know what he thought about that. Itseemed like a reasonable first question.22) Do you get along well with children?Children were a huge part of my life. He needed to be fond of Musa, Sara and Zidan.And this question would give me an idea of what kind of father he may be.

3) What sort of humour do you have? Are you a serious person or fun?That was an awkward question but I didn’t know how to word it. I wouldn’t be ableto survive someone who was really serious and disapproved of my sarcasm andteasing.94) What are your views on watching TV? Like, watching films and TV shows.I wondered if he’d let me continue watching The Vampire Diaries and Once Upon aTime. Also, I had daydreamed about watching movies with my husband late at nightmunching on snacks.1005) What are your hobbies?Sensible question.6) Do you want to continue living with your family after marriage or move out? Idon’t mind either option, just wanted to know what you would prefer.3I added the last part so he wouldn’t get scared and think I wanted to tear him awayfrom his family.27) Have you previously been affiliated with any person of the opposite gender?34That’s a nice way of asking whether he’s ever had a girlfriend.18) How would you describe yourself?One thing I cannot stand is when someone was big headed and arrogant. This wouldgive me a nice inkling on how he sees himself.19) How is your relationship with your family?This would give me a good idea of how he will interact with my family. I was glad hewas friends with Hamza.10) How is your relationship with your mother?If he has a good relationship with his mother, he most likely respects women. And ifhe respects women, he would be a good husband to his wife.32

I ended there. I looked at the page, it was really messy. I rewrote it in the besthandwriting I could. It took me a long time to write it presentably. My handwritingwasn’t the greatest. After using up 3 sheets of paper with attempts to make thequestions look neat, I was finally satisfied. I went back down the stairs.4“Where’s Hamza?” I asked Zayna who was watching Spongebob Squarepants.1“He’s gone to pray with your dad. He’ll be back in about five minutes, why?” Mymum replied instead.“I just need to speak to him.”“What’s that?” My mum asked motioning to the sheet in my hand. Oh no. How wasI going to reply? I couldn’t lie to my mum, that’s just wrong. Would silence count aslying. The doorbell rang. Saved by the bell! I went to the door and saw Hafsa andFaiza standing there.5“Hafsa! Faiza!” I screamed.“Safia!” They both screamed back at me.“Close the door, the house is getting cold.” My mum told us. I closed the door andtold Hafsa I needed to show her something.4“What about me?” Faiza asked. I gave her a sceptic look. “I know. This is because Itold dad about Abubakar isn’t it?” She asked. I nodded. “I promise I won’t tellwhatever it is you wanna tell Hafsa.” Faiza pleaded. “You know I only told dadto help you.” I smiled at her hopeful face.“Come along then.” When we got to my room, I asked Hafsa and Faiza what theythought about asking Yusuf questions. They agreed it was a good idea. I showedthem the question sheet I prepared.2“It’s good, but you spelt affiliated wrong. You put two l’s.”“What?” I asked taking the sheet out of her hand. I got a pen and tried joining thel’s to make it looks like one l. It just made it messy. “Now I have to write this all overagain.” I moaned, annoyed. Faiza handed me my pen and notepad. “Can’t you writeit instead?” I asked trying to muster a puppy dog look on my face.5

“Eulgh, not with a face like that.” Hafsa said laughing. I slapped her jokingly on thearm. “Write it yourself. Don’t you want to make it more personal?” She asked raisingher eyebrows mockingly. I huffed but eventually agreed. I took a very long timewriting it out again. A while after admiring my neat writing and perfect spelling,Hamza came.“Zayna said you were calling me?” He asked standing at the door. I got up andhanded him the sheet.“I need you to give this to Yusuf. If he passes this test, then it’s a yes from me. As in,a yes to get to know him. Not a yes to marry him. And you can tell him to write outsome questions for me too if he wants.” Hamza took the sheet.“Why didn’t you just email him? That would have been easier. Now you have to waittill I see him again.” I hadn’t thought of that. I gave him a blank look.11“Just give him the sheet.” I told him. He nodded, going through the paper. I saw himfrowning at one of the questions. Oh well. “When’s the next time you see him?” Iasked.“Don’t know. I’ll invite him for football next week and give this to him then.”“Next week?” I moaned. “You’re playing football today evening. Why don’t youinvite him today?”“Some people have lives you know. Not everyone has a lot of free time like you.”3“Just ask him please?” Hamza let out an annoyed sigh.1“Fine.” He huffed going to his room. I went back to Hafsa and Faiza. We intended tohave a girly chat but ended up drawing things on each other’s faces with eyeliner.

Chapter 9.Safia’s POV“Well I’ve found a flaw in Yusuf.” Hamza said after I let him into my room.“What do you mean?” I asked, unable to work out whether he was serious or not.“He’s so stupid. He’s this crazy football fanatic. He came to play after I invited himeven though the guy has this ankle injury and the doctor told him he shouldn’t playbut he came anyway because he finds Sundays boring. He was pretty good though,I’ll admit that, but by the end I could tell his was in agony. He was clenching his teethand pretending to smile telling us he’s fine. He actually limped all the way to hiscar.”13“So, the guy has a passion. How’s that a flaw?” Although, he should take better careof his health but I guess it’s hard to sometimes give up something you enjoyed somuch. If the doctors told me to stop reading stories, I’d go into depression.33“It’s not bad but it was just a little stupid. Anyway, he stopped playing a little whileafter half time and filled this out for you.” He replied handing me a piece of paper.Already? I thought to myself. I thought he’d take the questions home, write theanswers and then hand it back to Hamza next week. Looking down at the foldedpaper, I gulped nervously. What was written on this sheet could possibly determinemy future. “Oh, I forgot to tell you! I took a picture of him slyly for you. Wanna see?”Hamza took his phone out.37“No!” I didn’t want to judge him by the way he looked. I had made up my mindearlier today. I had locked myself in my room and lost myself deep in thought. I didn’twant to be stupid and think things emotionally. I had to use logic and reason. Ithought back to Talha and Abubakar, and even Abubakar’s friend. I thought I likedthem because of their personalities, but I had no idea what sort of personalities theyhad. I figured that may have been a justification for finding their looks attractive. Iclaimed I wasn’t shallow and superficial but my past crushes made me realize, I kindof was. All three of them were good looking. I had no idea who they were yet I hadthese stupid feelings for them, even if the feelings were tiny. “If he’s a good guy, if Iget to know him a little better and we both agree, I don’t wanna see him before theNikah.” I told Hamza. This was the decision all my thoughts led to. If I married him, Iwould love him. I was sure of that. I had full faith in Allah that I would love myhusband. Also, he had a brown beard, so surely he wasn’t too bad.57

“You what? Are you crazy?” Hamza sounded alarmed.3“Look, I thought very hard about this. Trust me.”“What if he doesn’t agree to this?” I had thought about that. I had no idea what he’dthink of me if he saw me. Maybe if the first time he saw me, as his wife, he’d findme attractive. That’s what I was hoping for. That’s what I was praying to Allah for.“I’m not sure. Let’s just go with the flow.” Hamza looked very unsure. “Can I readthis alone please?” He nodded and walked away, shutting the door behind him. Itook a deep breath and opened the piece of paper, feeling slightly excited that mypossible future husband wrote on it.111) What are your views on women working? For example, a woman becoming ateacher. I have no problem with women working. I think a teacher is a good occupation.However, I don’t believe women should be career orientated. Neither should men.Family comes first.47I was so tempted to just marry him then and there. That was the perfect answer! Itwas like he wrote down my thoughts.2) Do you get along well with children? I don’t have much experience with children but I do like them. They’re amusing andcute, like your niece Sara.5He mentioned my little Sara! Another good answer.3) What sort of humour do you have? Are you a serious person or fun? I may be considered as boring, but I wouldn’t like to call myself serious. I do like tohave fun. My fun consists of playing pranks on my sister. I haven’t travelled much,but I’d like to. Does that count as fun?Rereading my question, I cringed. I sounded so childish. But I was happy with hisanswer. I wanted to travel too because I found travelling so exciting.13

4) What are your views on watching TV? Like, watching films and TV shows. It depends. I’m not against TV but I don’t think people should get obsessed with ashow. For example, I watched Lost and although I was disappointed with the ending,it didn’t really bother me. I knew people who wouldn’t stop talking about it and Ithought that was a bit ridiculous. I don’t think someone should get caught up in afictional story and forget the purpose of their life.54I understood what he was saying. I agreed with him. But I was one of those peoplewho couldn’t stop talking about the ending of Lost. This one made me a little nervousbut nonetheless, another good answer.5) What are your hobbies? Tough question. I like watching and playing football. I like to fix things; hence I’mbecoming a plumber. I like to read. There’s other things I can’t think of at themoment.2Sounds good. I was half way through the questions and so far he sounded amazing.196) Do you want to continue living with your family after marriage or move out? Idon’t mind either option, just wanted to know what you wanted. I think it would be sensible to live with my mum for a little while. I would like tomove out after earning enough money and before starting a family.8That sounded reasonable. It was nerve wracking living with in laws but I guess itwould be good to bond with them. Another good answer. Four more to go.7) Have you previously been affiliated with any person of the opposite gender?2 If you’re asking if I’ve ever been in a relationship, no I haven’t.56Now the question sounded stupid. His answer made my question sound even morestupid. But I was thrilled he hadn’t ever been with anyone.28) How would you describe yourself? I’m not entirely sure. Just a normal person striving to please Allah and aiming forJannah?15That was an even better answer than the ideal answer I had come up with. Twoquestions left.

9) How is your relationship with your family? I get on with them well, especially my dad and sister. My brother and I don’t seeeach other much because neither of us has much time off. When we do see eachother, it’s okay I guess.I immediately knew there was something wrong. He wasn’t so sure about hisbrother. This sparked some curiosity in me, but I dismissed it.10) How is your relationship with your mother? It’s okay. She’s an amazing mother and I respect and love her a lot.1That didn’t sound too good either. I thought he would say ‘amazing! She’s my bestfriend!’ The last two questions startled me. At the bottom of the page, it said,2 Could you answer all your own questions for me please? I’m not lazy, they’re justgood questions.50That brought a smile on my face. But before I began writing my answers, I neededto come to a conclusion about whether I want to know him further. He seemed likea good guy, but the part about his family made me anxious. Was he happy withthem? If not, whose fault is it? I sent Hamza a text asking him to come upstairs.2“Yeah?” He asked entering the room.“What do you make of all this?”“You’re worried about the last two questions aren’t you?” I nodded. “Well I spoketo him about it. His mum and his brother aren’t that practicing. He says they’re goodpeople, but their different ideologies cause a strain on their relationships. He saysit’s nothing bad, just not great either. But he gets on really well with his dad and hissister.” That eased my troubled mind a little.“I think he’s a really good guy. If he would agree to it, I think it’s about time we tellthe elders.” The elders meant my mum, dad, uncle Yahya and aunty Asma.2“Don’t you have to answer those questions first?” Hamza asked pointing to the sheetin my hand.2“Yeah.” I sighed. How could I have written honestly and sound good? “You may gonow.” I told Hamza, grabbing my notebook from my drawer.5

“Good luck.” Hamza left closing the door on his way out.“Allah help me.” I responded worriedly before I began answering my own questions.At the end, I wrote another question for him. Would you agree to marry me without seeing me before the Nikah? If this goesfurther that is, obviously.39The rest of the day, Yusuf’s answers to my questions kept floating around in myhead. By the time I was in bed, I already felt like I kind of liked him. I shook my headfeeling stupid. I was Safia, I was not so easily charmed. I was Safia the sceptic. Evenif I liked someone, I would not let it affect me. I kept repeating the words in my head,but I knew I was just lying to myself. I was Safia, the girl who’s every decision wasaffected by her emotions. But I was smart enough to know I did that. That was whyI tried to rationalize and reason before making decisions. I hadn’t had a chance toreason with my feelings when uncle told me about Abubakar. That was all in uncle’scontrol and I preferred it that way. I was so prone to making mistakes that Isometimes depended on others opinions rather than my own. But uncle was wrongabout Abubakar, which was strangely comforting. At least I wasn’t the only one whomade mistakes. But was I right about Yusuf? I buried my head in my pillow beggingAllah to help me. It was all in his control. Whatever happens, it will be okay, Withthat thought, I fell asleep.

Chapter 10.Yusuf’s POVThings were going fast. I’d received an invitation to play football with Hamza onSunday. I was supposed to have been painting Maryam’s room but she brought afriend around and told me we could paint her room next week. So, with nothing todo, I took up Hamza’s offer. Bad idea. For two days my ankle was in pain. It was onlywhen I got there I understood the real reason why Hamza had invited me. I wasimpressed with Safia’s attitude. She didn’t just reject me, well that would have beenunfair, so she wrote out questions to get to know me. I tried to be as honest andopen as possible. It was quite unexpected. I thought she’d ask for my family to comearound to her house. But I assumed she didn’t because of the incident with the otherguy which took place only a week before. I still had no idea what had happened butI’m guessing it wasn’t good.Only the day after I went to play football with Hamza, he gave me text telling me hehad Safia’s ‘answers.’ I told him I’d drive down to his local mosque to collect them. Ifound Safia’s questions amusing and they made me smile. Some sounded intelligentlike the smart girl I knew she was whereas others sounded like she was a little kid.She seemed to have a very good idea of what she was looking for. This made meslightly nervous.2I drove down straight after work for Isha salaah. After we prayed, I was standing bythe gates waiting for Hamza.“Asalamu’alaykum bro.” I heard him say.“Wa’alaykumsalaam.” I replied shaking his hand.“How’s the ankle?”“Better now Alhamdulillah.” We briefly spoke about life before he cut to the chase.6“Here’s what you came for.” He told me, taking a piece of paper out of his pocket. Ithanked him and took the paper. I wondered whether I should read it on front ofhim or take it home. “Why don’t you open it and read it instead of staring at thefolded sheet.” So, I was to read it in front of him. I opened it slowly, wondering whatit said. Then I read through the answers.2

1) What are your views on women working? For example, a woman becoming ateacher.Maybe I should have reworded the questions. Great, now I felt stupid. That shouldhave said ‘what are your views on working?’ By the time I had finished answeringher questions on Sunday, the match had ended so I had to rush. I did think herquestions were good and I wasn’t being too lazy to write my own, but maybe I shouldhave reworded them. Well I’m sure it wouldn’t make any difference. It was okay aslong as I could get to know her a little better. As you may have figured, I’m aiming to become a teacher. But I completely agreewith you. A woman’s priority is her home and her family.262) Do you get along well with children? My life is revolved around children. My niece Sara and my nephews Musa and Zidanare currently some of the most important people in my life.3) What sort of humour do you have? Are you a serious person or fun? I really find it awkward to speak to serious people. I know Islamically life isn’tsupposed to always be fun and filled with laughter but I don’t think that means weshould be serious all the time. The Prophet (peace be upon him) wasn’t completelyserious. I love the stories about him and Aisha, for example, when they were racingeach other. That’s the relationship most Muslim girls’ dream of having. I do enjoyserious conversations though, but not all the time. I prefer to just talk about funnynonsense. My humour’s a bit strange. It’s a bit like Hamza’s.33I think that was indicating she liked teasing people and annoying them. Hamza kindof did that. But I found it kind of funny.4) What are your views on watching TV? Like, watching films and TV shows. I must embarrassingly admit that sometimes I really get caught up in shows. I’lltake your example of Lost; I was one of those people who couldn’t stop complainingafter watching the finale. But you’re right; I shouldn’t get caught up in shows likethat.

5) What are your hobbies? Babysitting? Is that a hobby? I like reading, writing, drawing, talking to my friendsand doing art.66) Do you want to continue living with your family after marriage or move out?I’ll rephrase this question if you want an answer. Do I mind living with your familyafter marriage if we do get married?That was the question that was giving me a bad feeling. I knew there was onequestion that Safia wouldn’t be able to answer but I’d forgotten which one it was.But she rephrased the question to something that would benefit me. I was gratefulfor that.I don’t mind. I think your plan is good, to move out when we have enough money andwish to start a family.197) Have you previously been affiliated with any person of the opposite gender? Never ever. Not in a haraam way.8) How would you describe yourself? A completely average girl yearning to become a better Muslim, in’sha’allah.8I thought back to the girl in the navy blue hijab, still unsure whether that was Safiaor Hafsa. I’d consider her above average. Not amazingly beautiful but she hadsomething so striking. I still had an image of her in my head. Unfortunately I forgotwhat the girl in the floral scarf looked like. That girl in the floral hijab could havebeen Safia and I had forgotten how she looked. Instead I could have beenremembering her cousin, this was so bad. I had to get that image out of my head.9) How is your relationship with your family? Fantastic! I have a huge complicated family which can be irritating at times but Icouldn’t have asked for anything better. Allah has truly blessed me.

10) How is your relationship with your mother? Amazing! After Allah, my mother’s love is sometimes the only love I cannot doubt.I may have many people in my family and each and every one hold a special place inmy heart, but I love and respect my mum the most. She’s cool alhamdulillah.5I smiled at the last sentence. Safia sounded even better now. She was ticking all theboxes, some boxes which weren’t even there to begin with. I admired her love forher family and how she remembered to be grateful to Allah. But then my eyes wentfurther down the page. Would you agree to marry me without seeing me before the Nikah? If this goesfurther that is, obviously.I raised my eyebrows in surprise.“Dude, what’s wrong?” Hamza asked.“Your sister asked me a very… unusual question.”“Oh, about the not seeing you thing? Yeah, it’s got something to do with marryingfor compatibility in personalities and not looks.”5“Hmm.” Is all I replied to that. This meant, if I married her, I wouldn’t know whetherthis was the girl in the navy blue hijab or the girl in the floral hijab. I contemplatedon this while scratching my beard. That’s something I unconsciously did when I wasdeep in thought. I was feeling an immense amount of guilt for thinking about the girlin the navy blue hijab. It felt wrong. Safia was right, personality was much moreimportant. I liked what I knew of Safia so far. It didn’t matter how she looked, if shewas really as good as she sounded, then I’m sure I would find her pretty. I don’t recallthinking anything negative of the girl in the floral hijab, so she definitely wasn’tugly. 7“Hellooo?” Hamza snapped his fingers in front of my face.“Tell her the answer of the last question is a yes.”

“Really?” Hamza asked taken aback.“Yeah, I think it’s a good idea. I think I may have another couple of questions forher.”“I’m not an owl that you can use me to send messages back and forth.” Hamzahuffed. He was so kiddy sometimes. I wondered if it was this behaviour which Safiawas referring to when talking about her humour being similar to Hamza’s.48“Don’t you mean pigeons?” Hamza thought for a second.“I meant like Hedwig.”70“What’s that?” Hamza’s eyes widened as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying.4“Hedwig, the owl from Harry Potter!” He said in a ‘duh’ tone. Hedwig… It soundedfamiliar. “Anyway, he brought Harry his letters.” I nodded.40“So Hedwig, will you pass on my message and my questions?” He nodded a no witha gleam in his eye. I gave him a questioning glare. I had a feeling he was going to dosomething stupid.“I have a better idea.” He told me and took out his phone. A few seconds later, Iheard a sound on my phone meaning I had a whatsapp message. I took out myphone, clicked on the whatsapp logo which now had a red start next to it.10“Hamza!” I said annoyed. He had made a group chat with me, him and Safia.21“What? It’s the 21st century! Who sends letters these days?” I guess his idea wasn’tso bad. Actually it was pretty good. “So, what do you think of her?”15“Safia?” I think I may have blushed a little. Just a tiny bit, which was stupidconsidering I barely knew her. Or maybe I did know her now. “I think she’s good.” Iresponded. Hamza did that weird teasing thing with his eyebrows and I just shot hima dirty look. But I smiled; I liked how he was being supportive of Safia and me.“Does that mean we can finally let the whole family know and that you can bringyour family around our house?” Hamza asked excitedly.“You can tell your family, but I have to speak to mine first before I can bring them.”I began to scratch my beard again thinking of my mum. The last time she spoke aboutSafia, it didn’t sound like she approved of her much. But maybe I could convince her.

Chapter 11.Safia’s POVI yawned for what felt like the billionth time reading a chapter on the OttomanEmpire. The topic itself was so interesting but this book just used unnecessarycomplicated English to make it harder for me to read. I hadn’t checked my phone inabout three hours. I decided to take a break from working and see if I had any newmessages. Sometimes I felt like the main purpose of my phone was to maintain aclose friendship with my two friends from college. They were both a year older thanme and I met them in my first year of college. Hafsa, being a year younger than me,didn’t know them too well but they were like sisters to me.12We had a strong bond but after they’d left college, we all went our separate ways.Amy was the mature one, Layla was the one we teased and they referred to me asthe innocent one. I liked that title. I had grown very distant with Amy after I starteduniversity. She was caught up in her life, whereas I was lost in mine. She hadn’t madethe effort to contact me and I was angry at her at the time. It was only later I foundout the reason and I felt like the worst friend in the world. I could not express myguilt for not being by her side. Amy was a convert and like many converts, she wasdiscriminated against by her fiancé’s family. Although she never really told me thefull story, I knew it was the reason she moved back to Germany. The thought ofsomeone hurting Amy made me so mad! She was such a strong person, a quality Iadmired and lacked. I hated these people. I didn’t know who they were but I hatedthem. Amy completely avoided the topic; I didn’t even know her fiancé’s real name.Before leaving, she came to see me and promised she will stay in contact. She kepttrue to her promise, and I felt as close as ever to her even though we mostly spokein our group chat on whatsapp. I rarely met Layla either, after she, much to oursurprise, got married and moved to Manchester.33Expecting to read what they both cooked for dinner, I unlocked my phone andclicked on the whatsapp icon. It said I had four messages. I felt a little excited; I didn’treally have many people message me. First message was of Layla telling us herhusband brought her a bouquet of flowers. I smiled and prayed to Allah to keep theirmarriage happy and blissful. I responded to her writing ‘how cheesy.’ The next wasa broadcast message about how you will get bad luck if you don’t tell 10 people youlove Allah. I ignored that. Then there was a message from Hamza saying ‘Please don’tkill me.’ I was confused but it made sense when I clicked on the last message. I hadbeen added to a group chat with Hamza and I number I didn’t recognize. But then Ijumped when I read the messages in the chat:25

Hamza: I guess I shall formally introduce u 2. Safia, Yusuf. Yusuf, Safia.13 Yusuf: Asalamu’alaykum Hamza: Now u can tell her ur answer is yes to the last question she asked u and ucan ask those questions u wanted to ask.18 Yusuf: I’ll wait for Safia to reply2A feeling of nervousness and excitement mixed with fear erupted in my stomach. Ialso felt like there was something stuck in my throat. Sounds like an overexaggeration? Not when this was the first time you were communicating withsomeone who expressed an interest in you and it was totally unexpected. I reallywas inexperienced. After sending a message saying ‘I am going to kill you’ to Hamza,I replied to Yusuf. Safia: Wa’alaykumsalaamI read over the conversation again to think of what to say. Then it processed thatYusuf said he was okay with not seeing me before the Nikah. I was really surprised.I had begun to form arguments in my head as to why I thought we shouldn’t seeeach other. That was all for nothing then. A smile crept up on my face. This man wasjust getting better! I went back to my task of thinking about what to write. My mindwas blank as I felt myself become paranoid. How was I going to write anything tohim? I was now starting to sweat and I felt hot although my hands were still cold.7 Hamza: Now ask ur questions. I’m quite curious.10 Yusuf: Is that okay with you Safia?I began sweating even more. He said my name! Well, he technically wrote it. But itstill made me feel weird. Why was I feeling all weird, sweaty and happy? I knew Iliked him but surely I hadn’t developed feelings for him. I hadn’t even seen Yusufyet! Did I need to see him to get feelings for him? I put that thought aside andfocused my attention on the conversation. I wondered whether I should write ‘yes,’‘yep,’ or ‘yeah.’23