Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book

MirrorinMirroring happens among friends orsame status and it is common to seestand, sit and move in identical waysthat people who are strangers studiouspositions.Matching VoicesIntonation, voice inflection, speedaccents also synchronise during thefurther establish mutual attitudes andknown as 'pacing' and it can almost seare singing in tune. You will often seewith his hands while the listener mahead nods. As a relationship grows ovthe main body language positions becobegins to anticipate the other's attitwith the other person becomes a maiing rapport. Never speak at a faster rate than threveal that others describe feeling 'prspeaks more quickly than they do. A pshows the rate at which their braininformation. Speak at the same rate orother person and mirror their inflPacing is critical when attempting totelephone because voice is your only cIntentionally Creating RappoThe significance of mirroring is onebody language lessons you can learn bwhich others tell us that they agree wita way for us to tell others that we likeing their body language.

ng - How We Build Rapportr between people of the e married couples walk, s. Albert Scheflen found sly avoid holding mirror of speaking and even e mirroring process to d build rapport. This is eem as if the two people e a speaker beating time atches the rhythm withver time, the mirroring of omes less as each persontudes, and vocal pacingin medium for maintain- he other person. Studiesressured' when someone person's speed of speech can consciously analyse r slightly slower than the lection and intonation. make appointments bycommunication medium.ort of the most importantbecause it's a clear way in th us or like us. It is also them, by simply mirror- 259

The Definitive Book of Body La If a boss wants to develoatmosphere with a nervouemployee's posture to achiecoming employee may be seeattempt to show agreemeopinion. Using this knowlothers by mirroring their phas the effect of putting threlaxed frame of mind, becstand his point of view.Before you mirror someone'stake into consideration yoursay, for example, the junior efor a pay rise and is calleemployee enters the managesit down and assumes the Cathe employee a superior, dohappen if the junior then coplanguage while discussing th260

anguage op a rapport and create a relaxedus employee, he could copy theeve this end. Similarly, an up-and- en copying his boss's gestures in anent when the boss is giving his ledge, it is possible to influencepositive gestures and posture. Thishe other person in a receptive andcause he can 'see' that you under- Mirroring the other person's body language to gain acceptances body language, however, you must relationship with that person. Let'semployee of a corporation has askeded into the manager's office. Theer's office, the manager asks him to atapult with a Figure-Four showingominant attitude. But what wouldopied the manager's dominant bodyhe potential salary rise? A boss would perceive a subordinate's mirroring behaviour as arrogance

MirrorinEven if the employee's talk was onmanager could feel affronted by theguage and his job could be in jeopeffective for intimidating or disarmin try to take control. Accountants, lawnotorious for using superiority body lpeople they consider inferior. By mirrothem and force a change of positithe boss. They have the same posture and b the close distance between them sho going about business in the same wayWho Mirrors Whom?Research shows that when the leader ofgestures and positions, subordinatespecking order. Leaders also tend to bwalk through a doorway and they like ttable or bench seat rather than in theexecutives walks into a room, the persousually goes first. When executives are

ng - How We Build Rapport a subordinate level, thee employee's body lan-pardy. Mirroring is alsong 'superior' types whowyers and managers arelanguage clusters aroundoring, you can disconcert on. But never do it tobody language andows they are friends y with similar goals.f a group assumes certains will copy, usually inbe the first of a group toto sit on the end of a sofa, centre. When a group ofon with the highest status seated in the boardroom, 261

The Definitive Book of Body the boss usually sits at the the door. If the boss sits likely to copy in order of You can see this in a me others by mirroring their b will vote with you and wh Mirroring is a good stra entation team. Decide, spokesperson makes a ges ing, the entire team will m the powerful appearance o hell out of competitors w though they can't quite fig Bill Clinton may have man but when Hillary they walk hand-in-hand,When presenting ideas, pwatching who mirrors whoor final decision-making abinitial movements, howevelacing her fingers or using aman copies, there is little phe doesn't have the authori262

Languagee head of the table, often furthest from in the Catapult, his subordinates are f their importance within the groupeeting where people 'take sides' with body language. This lets you see whoho will vote against you. ategy to use if you are part of a pres- in advance, that when the teamsture or takes a posture when speak-mirror. This not only gives your teamof being cohesive, it can frighten thewho suspect something is up, evengure out what it is. e been the world's most powerful y gestured, he copied - and when she often has the front-hold positionproducts and services to couples,om reveals where the ultimate powerbility lies. If the woman makes theer small, such as crossing her feet,a Critical Evaluation cluster and thepoint in asking him for a decision - ty to make it.

Mirror Walking in step - Charles leads, Camil after the beginning of the Iraqi conflict to mirror George Bush's ThumSummaryMirroring someone's body languageand creates a bond and is a phenomebetween friends and people of equmake a point of not mirroring thosesuch as those riding with us in a liftat the cinema. Mirroring the other person's bodyterns is one of the most powerfuquickly. In a new meeting with somposition, posture, body angle, gestuof voice. Before long, they'll start toabout you they like - they'll describeThis is because they see themselves rWarning, however: don't do it too eamany people have become aware of

ring - How We Build Rapport lla follows slightly behind; in 2003, Tony Blair beganmbs-in-Belt gesture makes them feel accepted enon that occurs naturallyual status. Conversely, we we don't like or strangers, t or standing in the queuey language and speech pat-ul ways to build rapportmeone, mirror his seatingures, expressions and tone feel that there's somethinge you as 'easy to be with'.reflected in you. A word ofarly in a new encounter as mirroring strategies since 263

The Definitive Book of Body Laour original book Body Langmillion people watched theWhen someone takes a posit- ignore it, do something elsdividends. But never mirror264

anguageguage was published and over 100e television series that followed.tion you have one of three choicesse or mirror it. Mirroring pays big a person's negative signals.

Chapter 13 THE SECRET S OF CIGARE GLASSES ANDSmoking is an outward signal of innemost smoking has less to do with nicoto do with the need for reassurance. Iment activities that people use in todato release the tensions that build up fencounters. For example, most ptension while waiting outside the detooth removed. While a smoker mighsneaking out for a smoke, non-smokesuch as grooming, gum-chewing, naitapping, cufflink-adjusting, head-scsomething, or other gestures that tell uJewellery is also popular for exactly

3 SIGNALSETTES, MAKE-UP er turmoil or conflict and otine addiction and more It is one of the displace- ay's high-pressure society from social and business people experience inner entist's surgery to have a ht cover up his anxiety by ers perform other rituals il-biting, finger-and foot- cratching, playing with us they need reassurance. the same reason - it has 265

The Definitive Book of Body Lahigh fondle value and allowcurity, fear, impatience or la Studies now show a clearinfant was breast-fed and itsas an adult. It was found thfed represent the majority osmokers, while the longerchance there was that it woubreast-fed babies receive comthat is unattainable from a bthe bottle-fed babies, ascomfort by sucking things. Ssame reason as the child wh Bottle-fed babies a to become smokerNot only were smokers threthumb-suckers as children,more neurotic than non-smotions such as sucking thepen-munching, lip-bitingembarrass an average beaverthe urge to suck and feel sbabies but not in bottle-fedThe Two Types of SmoThere are two basic types osocial smokers. Studies show that smaller,ulate the brain, giving a heiglonger, slower puffs act asdependent on the sedative efwith stress and they take lo266

anguagews its owner to displace their inse-ack of confidence onto the item. r relationship between whether ans likelihood of becoming a smokerhat babies who were largely bottle- of adult smokers and the heaviest a baby was breast-fed, the lessuld become a smoker. It seems that mfort and bonding from the breast bottle, the consequence being that adults, continue the search for Smokers use their cigarettes for theho sucks his blanket or thumb.are three times more likely rs than breast-fed babies. ee times more likely to have been they have also been shown to be okers and to experience oral fixa- arm of their glasses, nail-biting, and enough pencil-chewing toer. Clearly, many desires, includingsecure, were satisfied in breast-fed babies.okersof smokers - addicted smokers and , quicker puffs on a cigarette stim-ghtened level of awareness whereas a sedative. Addicted smokers areffects of nicotine to help them deal onger, deeper puffs and will also

The Secret Signals of Cigasmoke alone. Social smokers usuallyence of others or 'when I have a fewthis smoking is a social display to con others. In social smoking, from thuntil it's extinguished it's being smoktime in shorter, quicker puffs while tto a series of special body language g Most social smoking is part oA study conducted by Andy Parrot oLondon reports that 80% of smokerswhen they smoke. However, the stresare only slightly higher than thoseand stress levels increase as the smsmoking habit. Parrot also found thaally leads to a reduction of stress.smoking is not an aid for mood cdependency heightens stress levels.effect of smoking only reflects the revirritability that develops during a smoIn other words, the smoker's mood isand stressed when not smoking. Thatto feel normal, the smoker must alwahis mouth! Furthermore, when smogradually become less stressed over tireversal effect of the tension and strenicotine in the blood. Studies show poor moods occur duafter quitting, but there is dramaticnicotine is completely gone from thefor the drug and the stress that result Smoking is similar to hitting yourse a hammer because, when you s

arettes, Glasses and Make-upy smoke only in the pres- drinks'. This means thatcreate certain impressionshe time the cigarette is litoked for only 20% of the the other 80% is devoted gestures and rituals. of a social ritual. of the University of East say they feel less stressedss levels of adult smokers of non-smokers anyway,mokers develop a regularat stopping smoking actu- Science now shows that control because nicotine The supposed relaxing versal of the tension and oker's nicotine depletion.s normal during smoking, t means that for a smoker ays have a lit cigarette inokers quit smoking, they ime. Smoking reflects theess caused by the lack of uring the first few weeks c improvement once the e body, reducing craving ts from it. elf over the head withstop, you feel better. 267

The Definitive Book of Body LEven though smoking is ntexts, it's an advantage tosmoking body languageSmoking gestures play antional states as they are uritualistic manner thatsmoker's state of mind orThe cigarette ritual involveand other mini-gestures inencing more tension than mDifferences BetweenWhen women smoke theywith their wrist bent backthe front of the body openwrist straight to avoid lsmoking hand down belowthe front of the body prote Twice as many womenthe same number of puffsmoke in their lungs longelung cancer than women. Women use the to open the body and bodies when they sm268

Languagenow banned in many places and con- understand the connection between signals and a person's attitude.n important part in assessing emo- usually performed in a predictable can give important clues to ther to what they are trying to achieve.es tapping, twisting, flicking, wavingndicating that the person is experi- may be normal.n Men and Womeny will often hold the cigarette highk in a wrist display gesture, leavingn. When men smoke they keep theirlooking effeminate and drop theirw chest level after they puff, keepingected at all times. smoke as men and both sexes takefs per cigarette, but men hold theer, making them more susceptible to cigarette as a social display display the wrist; men close their moke and prefer secretive holds