Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book

Allan and Barbara Pease are theinternationally renowned experts inhuman relations and body language,whose 20 million book sales world-wide have turned them into householdnames.People's body language reveals thatwhat they say is often very differentfrom what they think or feel. It is ascientific fact that people's gesturesgive away their true intentions. Everyday we are confronted by hundredsof different signals that can meananything from 'That's a great idea' to'You must be kidding'. And we are allsending out these signals whether werealise it or not.Now, in this authoritative guidewritten with great humour and insight,you can learn the secrets of bodylanguage to give you more confidenceand control in any situation — fromnegotiating a deal to finding the rightpartner. Discover the techniquesthat will show you how to interpretgestures, read the underlying thoughtsand emotions — and reach the rightconclusions.Front cover photo supplied courtesy ofShufunotomo Co., Ltd. 2-9 Kanda Surugadai,Chiyoda-Ku, Tokyo, Japan

Allan Pease is the world's foremostexpert on body language. His bookWhy Men Don't Listen And WomenCan't Read Maps co-authored withwife Barbara, has sold over 10 millioncopies in 48 languages since its release.Allan travels the world lecturing onhuman communication, has written 8other bestselling books and appearedin his own television series whichattracted over 100 million viewers.Barbara Pease is CEO of PeaseInternational which produces videos,training courses and seminars forbusiness and governments world-wide. She is also the author of theinternational bestseller Why Men Lieand Women Cry, co-authored withhusband Allan. The Authors write ajoint monthly relationship column readby over 20 million people. Back cover photo's supplied courtesy of Orion Books Ltd, 5 Upper St Martins Lane, London

The DefinitiveBODY LANG

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ALSO BY ALLAN published by Why Men D Women C Why Men LiWhy Men Can O Time and Wome The Little BookRude and Politica Talk Write Questions

N & BARBARA PEASE Pease International Don't Listen andCan't Read Maps ie and Women CryOnly Do One Thing at a en Never Stop Talking k of Men and Womenally Incorrect Joke Book Language e Language Are the Answers

The DefinitiveBODY LAN Allan & Barb PEASE INTERNA www.peaseinternati

e Book ofNGUAGEbara Pease ATIONAL ional.com

This book is d who have good eye Published Pease PO Box QLD45 Tel: + 6 Fax: + 6 www.pease Copyright © All rig The right of Allan and Bar authors of this work has be with the Copyright, D Printed in Australia by Art direction by Santa Illustrations by PiCover design by Sarah Baron, www.o

dedicated to all people esight but who cannot see. d in Australia by International 1260, Buderim 556, Australia61 7 5445 560061 7 5445 5688 einternational.com© Allan Pease 2004 ghts reserved rbara Pease to be identified as theeen asserted by them in accordanceDesigns and Patents Act 1988.y McPherson's Printing Groupamaria www.santamaria.co.ukPiero and John Hepworth , Harper Collins Publishers Australia orionbooks.co.uk

CONTENAcknowledgements xivIntroduction 1 All Things Are Not What They Se How Well Do You Know the Back How Well Can You Spot Body Lan How We Wrote This Book Your Body Language Dictionary1. Understanding the Basics 7 In the Beginning ... Why It's Not What You Say How Body Language Reveals Emo Why Women are More Perceptive What Brain Scans Show How Fortune-Tellers Know So Mu Inborn, Genetic or Learned Cultu Some Basic Origins Universal Gestures Three Rules for Accurate Reading Why It Can be Easy to Misread Why Kids are Easier to Read Can You Fake it? True-Life Story: The Lying Job A How to Become a Great Reader2. The Power Is in Your Hands 31 How to Detect Openness Intentional Use of the Palms to D

NTS eemk of Your Hand? nguage Contradictions? otions and Thoughts uchurally? gApplicantDeceive

The Definitive Book of Body L The Law of Cause and E Our Audience Experimen An Analysis of Handshak Who Should Reach First? How Dominance and Co The Submissive Handsha How to Create Equality How to Create Rapport How to Disarm a Power The Cold, Clammy Hand Gaining the Left Side Ad When Men and Women S The Double-Hander The Blair—Bush Power G The Solution The World's Eight Worst The Arafat-Rabin Hands Summary3. The Magic of Smiles and Smiling Is a Submission S Why Smiling Is Contagio How a Smile Tricks the B Practising the Fake Smile Smugglers Smile Less Five Common Types of S Why Laughter Is the Best Why You Should Take La Why We Laugh and Talk How Humour Heals Laughing Till You Cry How Jokes Work The Laughter Room Smiles and Laughter Are Humour Sells The Permanent Down-MVI

Language Effect Palm Power nt ke Styles ? ontrol Are Communicated ake Player dshake dvantage Shake Hands ame t Handshakes shake d Laughter 66 Signal ous Brain e Smiles t Medicine aughter Seriously k, But Chimps Don't a Way of BondingMouth

Smiling Advice For Women Laughter In Love Summary4. Arm Signals 90 Arm Barrier Signals Why Crossed Arms Can be Detrim Yes...But I'm Just 'Comfortable' Gender Differences Crossed-Arms-on-Chest Solution Reinforced Arm-Crossing Arm-Gripping The Boss vs The Staff Getting the Thumbs-Up Hugging Yourself How the Rich and Famous Reveal The Coffee Cup Barrier The Power of Touch Touch their Hand Too Summary5. Cultural Differences 107 We Were Having Pizza at the Time Take the Cultural Test Why We're All Becoming America Cultural Basics are the Same Almo Greeting Differences When One Culture Encounters An The English Stiff-Upper-Lip The Japanese 'You Dirty, Disgusting Pig!' - Nose The Three Most Common Cross- To Touch or Not to Touch? How to Offend Other Cultures Summary

Contentsmentall their Insecurityeanost Everywherenothere BlowingCultural Gestures VII

The Definitive Book ofBody L6. Hand and Thumb Gestur How the Hands Talk On the One Hand... On the Other Hand, Ges Rubbing the Palms Toget Thumb and Finger Rub Hands Clenched Togethe The Steeple Summary The Face Platter Holding Hands Behind th Thumb Displays Thumbs-Protruding-from Summary7. Evaluation and Deceit Sig Lying Research The Three Wise Monkeys How the Face Reveals the Women Lie the Best and Why It's Hard to Lie Eight of the Most Comm Evaluation and Procrastin The Lying Interviewee Chin Stroking Stalling Clusters Head Rubbing and Slapp Why Bob Always Lost at The Double Meaning8. Eye Signals 165 The Dilating Pupils Take the Pupil Test Women Are Better at It, a Giving Them the Eye The Eyebrow FlashVIII

Language res 125 tures Improve Recall therer he Back -Coat-Pocket ignals 142 s e Truth That's the Truthmon Lying Gestures nation Gesturesping Gestures Chess as Usual

Eye Widening The 'Looking Up' Cluster How Men's Fires Get Lit Gaze Behaviour - Where Do You How to Keep Eye Contact in a Nu How to Grab a Man's Attention Most Liars Look You in the Eye How to Avoid being Attacked or The Sideways Glance Extended Blinking Darting Eyes The Geography of the Face The Politician's Story Look Deep Into My Eyes, Baby The First 20 Seconds of an Interv What Channel Are You Tuned to? How to Hold Eye Contact with a How to Present Visual Informatio The Power Lift Summary9. Space Invaders - Territories and P Personal Space Zone Distances Practical Applications of Zone D Who Is Moving In on Whom? Why We Hate Riding in Lifts Why Mobs Become Angry Spacing Rituals Try the Luncheon Test Cultural Factors Affecting Zone D Why Japanese Always Lead When Country vs. City Spatial Zones Territory and Ownership Car Territory Take the Test Summary

Contents Look? udist Colony Abusedview ?an Audience on Personal Space 192Distances Distances n They Waltz IX

The Definitive Book ofBody La10. How the Legs Reveal Wh Everybody's Talking Abo How Feet Tell the Truth The Purpose of the Legs The Four Main Standing Defensive, Cold or 'Just How We Move from Clos The European Leg Cross The American Figure Fou When the Body Closes, s Figure Four Leg Clamp The Ankle Lock The Short Skirt Syndrom The Leg Twine Parallel-Legs Put Your Right Foot In, P Summary11. The 13 Most Common G The Head Nod Why You Should Learn to How to Encourage Agree The Head Shake The Basic Head Positions The Head Shrug Picking Imaginary Lint How We Show We're Rea The Cowboy Stance Sizing Up the Competitio The Legs-Spread Leg-Over-the-Arm-of-Cha Straddling a Chair The Catapult Gestures That Show Whe The Starter's Position Summary

anguage hat the Mind Wants to Do 209out a New Way of Walking Positions Comfortable'? sed to Open ur o Does the Mindme Put Your Right Foot OutGestures You'll See Daily 229 o Nodement s ady for Actionon airen a Person is Ready

12. Mirroring - How We Build Rapp Creating the Right Vibes Mirroring on a Cellular Level Mirroring Differences Between M What to Do About It if You're Fe When Men and Women Start to L Do We Resemble Our Pets? Monkey See, Monkey Do Matching Voices Intentionally Creating Rapport Who Mirrors Whom? Summary13. The Secret Signals of Cigarettes, The Two Types of Smokers Differences Between Men and Wo Smoking as a Sexual Display How to Spot a Positive or Negativ Cigar Smokers How Smokers End a Session How to Read Glasses Stalling Tactics Peering-Over-the-Glasses Wearing Glasses on the Head The Power of Glasses and Make- A Little Lippy, Lady? Briefcase Signals Summary14. How the Body Points to Where th What Body Angles Say How We Exclude Others Seated Body Pointing Foot Pointing Summary

Contentsport 250Men and Women emale Look Alike Glasses and Make-up 265omenve Decision-uphe Mind Wants to Go 279 XI

The Definitive Book ofBody L15. Courtship Displays and The Emergence of the C Graham's Story Why Women Always Ca Differences Between Me The Attraction Process The 13 Most Common Signals How Beautiful People M What Men Look At in W Is He a Bum, Boobs or Male Courtship Signals Men's Bodies - What Tu Is She a Chest, Legs or Summary16. Ownership, Territory a Body Lowering and Stat He's a Big Man Around Why Some People Seem Try the Floor Test Body Lowering and Stat He's a Big Man Around , Why Some People Seem Try the Floor Test The Downsides of Heig How Body Lowering Ca How TV Politicians Can How to Placate Angry P What's Love Got To Do Some Strategies For Gai Summary17. Seating Arrangements - Take the Table Test It's Not What You Say, IXII

Languaged Attraction Gestures 286 Colourful Male all the Shots en and Women Female Courtship Gestures andMiss Out Women's Bodies Leg Man?s and Gestures urns Women On the Most Bum Gal?and Height Signals 317 tusd Townm Taller on TV tusd Townm Taller on TVght an Sometimes Raise Status n Win Votes Peopleo With It? ining Perceived Height- Where to Sit and Why 330 It's Where You Sit

King Arthur's Concept Keeping Two People Involved Rectangular Board Tables Why Teacher's Pet Sits On the Le Power Plays at Home How to Make an Audience Cry The Attention Zone An Experiment in Learning Getting a Decision Over Dinner Summary18. Interviews, Power Plays and Offi Why James Bond Looked Cool, C The Nine Golden Keys to Makin When Someone Keeps You Waiti Fake It Till You Make It? Seven Simple Strategies for Givin Summary Office Power Politics How to Switch Table Territories Seated Body Pointing How to Re-arrange an Office Summary19. Putting It All Together 364 How Well Can You Read Betwee How Did You Rate? Summary The Six Secrets of Attractive BodReferences 380

Contentseftice Politics 346 Calm and Collectedng Great First Impressionsingng You the Extra Edgeen the Lines?dy Language XIII

ACKNOWLThese are some of the people wto this book, whether they knewDr John Tickel, Dr Dennis WaHunsaker, Trevor Dolby, ArmRuth Pease, Malcolm EdwardsToby Hale, Darryl Whitby,Mehrtens, Deb Hinckesman,Hinch, Dana Reeves, Ronnie CJonathan Coleman, Trish GoddRoger Moore, Lenny Henry, RLesley, Anne Diamond, GerryDarrel Somers, Andres Kepes, LAndy McNab, John Howard, Nney, Tony & Cherie Blair, GreMike Stoller, Gerry & Kathy BHansen, Brian Tracy, Kerry PacGreig, Simon Townsend, DianPrince Charles, Dr DesmondGoodwin, Iven Frangi, VictoriRaoul Boielle, Matthew BraunRob Edmonds, Gerry HattonHuber, Ian McKillop, Delia MiPeter Opie, David Rose, AlanMarkoff, Christine Maher, Salli& Glenda Leonard Dorie Simmonds, whose drove us t

LEDGEMENTSwho have directly or indirectly contributed w it or not: aitley, Dr Andre Davril, Professor Phillipmin Gontermann, Lothar Menne, Ray & s, Ian Marshall, Laura Meehan, Ron 6c Susan Lamb, Sadaaki Hayashsi, Deb Doreen Carroll, Steve Wright, Derryn Corbett, Vanessa Feltz, Esther Rantzen,dard, Kerri-Anne Kennerley, Bert Newton,Ray Martin, Mike Walsh, Don Lane, Iany & Sherry Meadows, Stan Zermarnik, Leon Byner, Bob Geldof, Vladimir Putin, Nick & Katherine Greiner, Bryce Court- eg & Kathy Owen, Lindy Chamberlain, Bradbeer, Ty & Patti Boyd, Mark Victor cker, Ian Botham, Helen Richards, Tony na Spencer, Princes William and Harry, Morris, Princess Anne, David & Jan ia Singer, John Nevin, Richard Otton, nd, Doug Constable, George Deveraux,n, John Hepworth, Bob Heussler, Gay ills, Pamela Anderson, Wayne Mugridge, White, Rob Winch, Ron Tacchi, Barry ie & Geoff Burch, John Fenton, Norman and e encouragement and enthusiasm to write this book.

Introducti By a man's fingernails, by his coa by his trouser-knees, by the callus thumb, by his expression, by his s ments - by each of these things a revealed. That all united should fa petent enquirer in any case is a SHERLOCK HOLMAs a young boy, I was always awarenot always what they meant or wepossible to get others to do what Ifeelings and responded appropriatelyof eleven, I began my sales career seto-door after school to make poworked out how to tell if someoneor not. When I knocked on a door,away but their hands were open andI knew it was safe to persist withdespite how dismissive they may haaggressive. If someone told me to gused a pointed finger or closed hanleave. I loved being a salesperson anteenager, I became a pots and panight, and my ability to read peopleto buy my first piece of property. Senity to meet people and study theevaluate whether they would buy ortheir body language. This skill almeeting girls in discos. I could nwould say 'yes' to a dance with me

ion at-sleeve, by his boots, ses of his forefinger and shirt-cuffs, by his move- a man's calling is plainly ail to enlighten the com- almost inconceivable.MES, 1892e that what people said was ere feeling and that it was wanted if I read their real y to their needs. At the age elling rubber sponges door-ocket money and quickly was likely to buy from me if someone told me to go d they showed their palms, my presentation because, ave sounded, they weren't go away in a soft voice but nd, I knew it was time to nd was excellent at it. As aans salesperson, selling at e earnt me enough moneyelling gave me the opportu- em at close range and toor not, simply by watching lso proved a bonanza fornearly always predict who and who wouldn't.

The Definitive Book of Body L I joined the life insurancewent on to break several salbecoming the youngest perworth of business in my firme for the prestigious MilliAs a young man I was fortuas a boy in reading body lacould be transferred to thisto the success I could haveAll Things Are Not WThe ability to work out whais simple - not easy, but simsee and hear in the environdrawing probable conclusiothe things they think they a Here's a story to demons Two men were walking t across a big deep hole. 'Wow ... that looks deep in and see how deep it is.' They threw in a few peb sound. 'Gee - that is a really d big rocks in. That should m They picked up two foo into the hole and waited, b 'There's a railway sleepe 'If we toss that in, it's defi They dragged the heavy sle in, but not a sound came f Suddenly, out of the n running like the wind. It ru right between them, runnin

Language e business at the age of twenty, and les records for the firm I worked for, rson to sell over a million dollars' rst year. This achievement qualified ion Dollar Round Table in the USA. unate that the techniques I'd learned anguage while selling pots and pans s new area, and was directly related in any venture involving people.What They Seem at is really happening with a person mple. It's about matching what you nment in which it all happens and ons. Most people, however, only see are seeing. strate the point: through the woods when they came p,' says one. 'Let's toss a few pebbles bbles and waited, but there was no deep hole. Let's throw one of these make a noise.' otball-sized rocks and tossed them but still they heard nothing. er over here in the weeds,' said one. initely going to make some noise.' eeper over to the hole and heaved it from the hole. nearby woods, a goat appeared, ushed towards the two men and ran ng as fast as its legs could go. Then

it leaped into the air and disappeare men stood there, astonished at wha Out of the woods came a farmer guys see my goat?' 'You bet we did! It was the crazies came running like the wind out of into that hole!' 'Nah,' says the farmer. 'That cou My goat was chained to a railway sHow Well Do You Know theof Your Hand?Sometimes we say we know somethand' but experiments prove that leidentify the back of their handsresults of a simple experiment weprogramme showed that most peoplereading body language signals eitherat the end of a long hotel lobby, givientered the hotel, there was a long chotel and out the back of the lobby. Wthe ceiling to a distance of 5 feet aeach person entered the lobby, it lowas entering at the same time fromperson' was not readily recogniscovered their face, but you could cmovement. Each guest observed theseconds before turning left to the reif they had recognised the other 'gueno'. Most men had failed to recognone saying, 'You mean that fat, uglyof the women said it was a mirror'guest' looked 'familiar'.

Introduction ed into the hole. The twoat they'd just seen.r who said, 'Hey! Did you st thing we've ever seen! It f the woods and jumped uldn't have been my goat.sleeper!'e Backthing 'like the back of ouress than 5% of people can from a photograph. The conducted for a television e are generally not good at r. We set up a large mirror ing the illusion that, as you corridor going through the We hung large plants from above the floor so that, asooked as if another person the other end. The 'other sable because the plants clearly see their body and other 'guest' for five to sixeception desk. When askedest', 85% of men answerednise themselves in a mirror, guy?' Unsurprisingly, 58% r and 30% said the other

The Definitive Book of Body L Most men and don't know what theyHow Well Can You SpContradictions?People everywhere have devlanguage of politicians becians sometimes pretend tdon't believe in, or infer thathey really are. Politiciansdodging, avoiding, pretendand feelings, using smokeimaginary friends in the crothey will eventually be tripguage signals, so we love toof catching them out. What signal alerts y His lipFor another television showthe co-operation of a localbureau to ask for informaother tourist attractions.where they spoke with a thair, a moustache, wearingminutes discussing possibleof sight below the counteanother man with a clean-sa blue shirt appeared frombrochures. He continued thfirst man had left off. Remfailed to notice the change

Language nearly half of all women look like from the neck down. pot Body Language veloped a fascination with the bodyecause everyone knows that politi- to believe in something that they at they are someone other than who spend much of their time ducking, ding, lying, hiding their emotionsescreens or mirrors and waving to owd. But we instinctively know thatpped up by contradictory body lan-o watch them closely, in anticipation you that a politician is lying? ps are moving.w, we conducted an experiment with tourist bureau. Tourists entered the ation about local sightseeing and They were directed to a counter tourism officer, a man with blond g a white shirt and tie. After a fewe itineraries, the man bent down out er to get some brochures. Then, shaven face, dark hair and wearingm beneath the counter holding thehe discussion from exactly where the markably, around half the tourists e and men were twice as likely as

women to completely miss the changuage but in the appearance of aUnless you have an innate ability orlanguage, the chances are you're mbook will show you what you've beeHow We Wrote This BookBarbara and I have written The Defguage using my original book, BodNot only have we considerably expaalso introduced research from newas evolutionary biology and evolutas technologies such as Magnetic Rwhich shows what happens in the bra style that means it can be openedpage at random. We've kept the coment of the body, expressions and gthe things you need to learn to get tto-face encounter. The Definitive Bomake you more aware of your osignals, and will show you how toeffectively and how to get the reactio This book isolates and examineslanguage and gesture in simple termyou. Few gestures are made in isolawe have also, at the same time, triethings. There will always be those whohorror and claim that the study oanother means by which scientific kexploit or dominate others bythoughts. We feel however, that thigreater insight into communicationso that you can have a deeper undeand, therefore, of yourself. Under

Introduction nge, not only in body lan- a completely new person! r have learned to read bodymissing most of it too. This en missing. finitive Book of Body Lan- dy Language, as our base. anded on that one, we have scientific disciplines, such tionary psychology as well Resonance Imaging (MRI), rain. We have written it in d and read on almost anyontent mainly to the move- gestures, because these are the most out of every face- ook of Body Language will own non-verbal cues and use them to communicate ons you want. s each component of body ms to make it accessible to ation of others however, so ed to avoid oversimplifyingo throw up their hands in of body language is just knowledge can be used to reading their secrets or is book seeks to give you with your fellow humans, erstanding of other people rstanding how something

The Definitive Book of Bodyworks makes living with iof understanding promotemore critical of others. Athat he can shoot them dowsame way, the knowledgemake every encounter withence. For the purpose of simthe use of 'he' or 'him' wiYour Body LanguageThe original book was intpeople, managers, negotiabe used for any aspect of yat work. The Definitive Bof over 30 years of our cumin this field and we give yoread attitudes and emotionto some of the most puzzlwhy people use some ofchange forever your ownalways been in a dark roothe furnishings, the wall hactually seen what theyturning on the lights to seyou'll know exactly whatto do about them.

Language it easier, whereas ignorance and lack e fear and superstition and make usA birdwatcher doesn't study birds so wn and keep them as trophies. In the and skills in body language serve to h another person an exciting experi-mplicity, and unless otherwise stated, ill apply equally to both genders. e Dictionary tended as a working manual for sales ators and executives, but this one can your life, be it at home, on a date orBook of Body Language is the result mulative knowledge and involvement ou the basic 'vocabulary' you need to ns. This book will give you answers ling questions you've ever had about the behaviours they do, and it will behaviour. It will seem as if you've om and, while you could always feel hangings and the door, you've never look like. This book will be like ee what was always there. But now, things are, where they are and what Allan Pease

Chapter UNDERSTA THE BA This is 'good' to Westerner 'five' to Japanese and 'up yEveryone knows someone who capeople and, within minutes, give anthe relationships between thosefeeling. The ability to read a persby their behaviour was the origiused by humans before spoken lan Before radio was invented, mosin writing through books, lettermeant that ugly politicians andAbraham Lincoln, could be succeenough and wrote good print copyings to people who had a good comlike Winston Churchill, who spokestruggled to achieve as much in tod

r1ANDINGASICS rs, 'one' to Italians, yours' to the Greeks an walk into a room full of n accurate description about people and what they are son's attitudes and thoughts inal communication system nguage evolved. st communication was done rs and newspapers, which d poor speakers, such as essful if they persisted long y. The radio era gave open- mmand of the spoken word, e wonderfully but may have day's more visual era.

The Definitive Book of Body L Today's politicians undeand appearance and mostpersonal body language coas being sincere, caring anot. It seems almost incrediblof our evolution, body lanany scale only since the 19become aware of its existenguage was published in 1speech is still our main fobeen part of our commutimes in evolutionary termsand data. Speech probablyand 500,000 years ago, dursize. Before then, body lathroat were the main formings, and that is still the cathe words people speak, mabout body language, let al Our spoken language, hbody language is to our comthe phrases we use — Get it off your che Stay at arm's le Shoulder a b Put your best foSome of these phrases aregive us a big hand becaushere. As a rule of thumb, wfist until you either bucklethe whole idea. Hopefully,these phrases to lean towar

Languageerstand that politics is about image t high-profile politicians now haveonsultants to help them come acrossand honest, especially when they're le that, over the thousands of yearsnguage has been actively studied on960s and that most of the public has nce only since our book Body Lan-1978. Yet most people believe thatorm of communication. Speech hasunication repertoire only in recent s, and is mainly used to convey factsy first developed between 2 millionring which time our brain tripled its anguage and sounds made in thems of conveying emotions and feel- ase today. But because we focus on most of us are largely uninformed lone its importance in our lives.however, recognises how importantmmunication. Here are just a few of est. Keep a stiff upper lip.ength. Keep your chin up. burden. Face up to it.oot forward. Kiss my butt hard to swallow, but you've got to se there are some real eye-openerswe can keep them coming hand over at the knees or turn your back on , you'll be sufficiently touched byrds the concept.