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captured a whopping 285 votes, so the question remains, will the “Korean Jewish” connection -ad campaign get his campaign to the July 12 general election, or leave Adler, VP at Walt Disney Imagineering – “imagining?”ONLY IN NEW YORK?One of my fave writers, Ron Kaplan (Kaplan’s Korner on Jews and Sports) reported an email he received from a fan regarding the May 19 Mets game. Once again, defeat, oy vey. In fact, so dejected was Mets play-by-play broadcaster, Howie Rose, that his listeners on WFAN heard him kibbitz: “as my people would say, “mah nishtana halaila hazeh.” Not your usual wrap up say, in Wild Horse, Colorado.ONLY IN SAN FRANCISCO: THE “UNKINDEST” CUT?If Lloyd Schofield and “pals” who call themselves “intactivists” have their way, circumcision on boys under 18 will be a crime in San Francisco! Shofield, citing circumcision as a cruel, unnecessary practice, spear-headed this campaign late last year. The ADL and other Jewish groups issued a joint statement expressing “great concern” about the proposed measure: \"The organized Jewish community is deeply troubled by this initiative, which would interfere with the rights of parents to make religious decisions for their own families.”But, as of now, Schofield and his followers have collected 12,000 signatures, way more than the 7,168 needed to put the ban on the ballot in San Francisco this November, making our ritual practice a misdemeanor, punishable by a $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail.The Forward has published two opposing essays on the issue. [See Aish.com's article here.] One was by film maker Eli Ungar Sargo, who wrote: \"By allowing parents to permanently alter the bodies of their children, the state is failing to protect its most vulnerable citizens from bodily harm.\" The other, by Dr. Melvin Konner states: \"This is a serious tradition, one for which Jews have fought and sacrificed throughout our long history. It is not harmful, and it may have medical benefits. The proposed ban should and will be opposed by all right-thinking people of any religious faith and by decent people without faith who recognize the rights of parents to decide, within broad limits, what is best for their own children.\"Even in the unlikely event voters pass the ban, opponents agree it would never hold up in court.Of course, a Jewish judge wouldn’t hoit.ON THE LIGHTER SIDE ........ A “ROSE” BY ANY OTHER NAME

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Haaretz reports that an Israeli couple in naming their new daughter decided against the current hot Israeli names for girls, such as Maya and Tamar. Instead, they turned to Facebook for their inspiration, and named her ... “Like.” Yes, you heart right. Said proud papa, Lior Adler: “If once people gave Biblical names and that was the icon, then today this is one of the most famous icons in the world,\" joking, that the name could be seen as a modern version of the traditional Jewish name Ahuva, which means \"beloved.\"Oy vey! It could’ve been worse! At least they didn’t name the poor child a diminutive of Twitter!

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew_Believe_28.htmlWouldJew Believe #28Aug 28, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyO u tr eoa gu s , odda n d tineres t in g fa ct , s su c h a s… F a ce oobk s a v e saJ ew i sh h cild’s life?YIPPIE AI OY! ONE OF THE LAST JEWISH GAUCHOSWhen we Jews think occupations, “cowboy” isn’t among our top ten. That is, unless you’re talking Argentina, circa 1890, where Jews roamed, roped, and steered on their cattle ranches. Now a footnote in the Diaspora, 50,000 Russian and Eastern European Jews, financed by eccentric German-Jewish millionaire Baron Maurice de Hirsch, got out of “Dodge” (The pogroms of Russia and Eastern Europe), and staked their claim of 123-acre plots. The move was encouraged by an 1881 Argentinean presidential decree, specifically to attract “Israelite” immigration, to populate the sparsely populated area.Picture it. Thousands of bearded men in black hats, their frum wives shlepping their belongings, stepping off a boat in Entre Rios to each become a Yiddishe Roy Rogers and Dale Evans while keeping things strictly Kosher. \"They were strict, I mean strict, about the Sabbath. We had to walk to the synagogue. You could not ride your horse,\" recalled Jose \"Tito\" Roimiser, 84, an ex-gaucho whose papa came to Argentina as an infant.The last of the immigrants arrived to escape the Holocaust in 1936. Ultimately, these Yiddishe cowboy families spread over 16 colonies, consisting of agricultural cooperatives and shtetl- like hamlets. But, the times have been a-changing. The kinder have turned in their saddles for suits and headed to Buenos Aires. Today, most of the once lively shuls and Jewish schools sit almost empty and dilapidated.Yet, there remain Jewish elders who staunchly hold fast to their Yiddishe roots on the Argentinean plains.Jaime Jruz, 65, one of the few remaining gauchos, feels an obligation to his ancestors to keep the old traditions alive. He’s joined by a handful, now mostly in their 80s. \"This is a story we have to treasure, that we have to keep alive for our grandchildren,\" says Jruz, from the same

farm his grandfather settled. Villa Dominguez's Museum of the Jewish Colonies holds the region's artifacts, including century-old prayer shawls, books, and farm machinery, along with a photo of Jruz’s grandfather, Moises Koselevich, with a bushy beard and fedora.These elders want to re-ignite the community with help from foreigners, but, with only 400 Jews remaining, revival isn’t promising. When Jruz looks at the photo of his zayde, he recalls the perilous hardships his forefathers endured. \"Our ancestors came from Russia with nothing and they made it,\" he said. \"You have to respect that.\"A CHEESY “TSIMMIS?”This summer Israelis have been “curdling”over the high price of ...... cottage cheese! And more, have been making their feelings known via a fierce Facebook protest. It seems that the cost for this simple dairy product, an Israeli diet staple, has risen 39% in the region since 2008! So Israelis have been geshrei-ing their outrage, garnering over 1,000,000 FB supporters since the page was inaugurated in June. And it’s only the tip of the cheeseburg, as organizers are also enraged at the overall cost of dairy and other food products, which are significantly higher than prices in Europe or the U.S.The FB campaign has been so successful that the Knesset held emergency meetings to investigate the problem. Finance Minister Yuval Steinitz called together food industry leaders, and David Gioil, to discuss the high cost of dairy products. David Gilo, chairman of the Antitrust Authority, suggested importing it, in order to lower prices (which, with the added tariffs, wouldn’t work, anyway). When he came up with the idea, however, Shraga Brosh, president of the Manufacturers Association suggested Israel import a new finance minister.Lately, the lowly cheese, dubbed “white gold” by the press, has been referred to as such a “luxury item,” that an opposition lawmaker presented PM Benjamin Netanyahu with a container of the “good stuff.”Some vendors are lowering prices, realizing the seriousness of the situation. Not only is the integrity of beloved blintzes and kugel in the Holy Land at risk (anyone into a chipotle blintz?), but badniks could, heaven forbid, (like US jeans in the USSR), start a black market by shlepping Breakstone’s in coolers, and maybe collapsing the entire Israeli currency system!Then again, I’ve been known on a rare occasion to overreact.AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT .........FACEBOOK, NOT JUST “HOW R U?\"

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Last Mother’s Day writer Deborah Kogan's son, Leo, awoke with a fever and rash. After visiting the doctor, mom posted photos of the four-year-old Jewish boy describing his symptoms.The next day she added new startling symptoms in updates. \"Baby getting sicker. Eyes swollen shut. Fever rising. Penicillin not working. Might be scarlet fever. Or roseola. Or...????” The comments started from her fellow Facebookers, including a call from a friend, whose own child had similar symptoms and was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease, a rare and potentially fatal auto-immune disorder that attacks the heart. Deborah, not wanting to overreact, waited. When Leo’s strep test came back negative, she re-considered, especially when a pediatrician also posted about the possibility of Kawasaki. Mom took her son to the hospital and it was confirmed. The boy was suffering from an enlarged heart and liver disease, triggered by disease.Thanks to Facebookers picking up on the serious symptoms the doctor’s office missed, young Leo is now on the mend. Should posters trump doctors? Of course not, but, despite criticisms of the new Social Media, it provided this family with many “second opinions,” that may well have saved a child’s life.A GRAIN IS A GRAIN IS A GRAIN. OR IS IT?You’re an observant Jew. You’re khaloshing for a piece of toast. You grab for the Kosher bread, and who do you see smiling at you? The Pope. While he’s certainly a righteous person, deserving of respect (and he even speaks fluent Hebrew), for some, it might be a little like seeing an oyster on a package of “oyster” crackers. Now, how you may be wondering, would a perfectly delicious, kosher, so-good Israeli bread be named for Pope Benedict XVI?Here’s the story. The bread, a hybrid of two Israeli wheat strains created by Uri Kushnir at the Volcani Center, was a rush job, to allow President Shimon Peres to present a little something when he met with the Pope in 2009. And so someone thought it was only natural to “christen” it “Benedict Wheat.” And therein started the problem.Frum farmers, whose fields are located near Beit She'an, refused to plant the wheat strain with the “Catholic” name. To end the tsimmis, according to Ynet, the bread has recently been officially re-named Binyamin Wheat.To these farmers, obviously, you are what you “wheat.” (I heard that!)

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew_Believe_29.htmlWouldJew Believe #29Nov 19, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyW o ul d y o u lb ie e evan no- J ews su eh i se pmloyer orfd i s co r uag ginh im from wearing a kippah at work?ONLY IN L.A.Now that the High Holy Days are well behind us, at least 20 Rabbis were ready for their close- ups. You think it’s easy for most Rabbis to write inspiring, wow-factor speeches week after week?Our covenant is saved, mohels are sharpening – and delis are making platters!So, this year, the Board of Rabbis of Southern California turned their annual seminar over to comedy writers to give the rabbis a bissel “high profile” Hollywood-speak. In early September, some20 rabbis received “comedic instruction” fromwriters who’ve penned shows such as Mad Men and3rd Rock from the Sun in a workshop titled (Ready?) \"Punching Up Your Holiday Sermons.\"The workshop was so popular that the Board may continue offering comedic wisdom in the future! So don’t be surprised if your Rabbi’s next speech opens with, “So a Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar…”“KIPPAH” YOUR YARMULKE TO YOURSELFA?Our innocent yarmulke made strange news when one Ciro Roselli filed a lawsuit in Manhattan federal court against McKinsey & Co. this summer; because the executive assistant claimed he was the victim of discrimination for wearing one. Aha! An example of anti-Semitism?Not exactly. You see, Roselli … isn’t Jewish. He claimed he wore the head covering as a proponent of \"theosophy,\" an obscure philosophy that’s into “truth.”Anyway, he said his boss compared him to Madonna, while another scolded that he wasn’t a “real Jew.” Some demanded he “take it off” as they were “creeped out.”

And so we have probably the first yarmulke suit, filed by a non-Jew yet, for damages inflicted upon him for kippah-ing.In his defense, non-Jews wear yarmulkes all the time in synagogues. And then there’s the Pope, right?AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT …The kippah has now joined the ranks of pop culture. Actors are now wearing yarmulkes all over the tube and in film. (For example: Jewish actors Jeffrey Tambor on Arrested Development, Jeremy Piven on Entourage, Ben Stiller in \"Keeping the Faith,\" or the Catholic Owen Wilson in Meet the Parents). Apparently the yarmulke is to “cue” the audience: “Hey, the guy’s a Jew.”THE MOHELS HAVE IT! UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!In the on-going nonsense tsimmis over circumcision, California’s Gov. Jerry Brown signed a bill in early October prohibiting all local bans on circumcision! The background: Anti- circumcision activists gathered 12,000 signatures to place the issue on the ballot in San Francisco. Voters would then decide if infant circumcision should be banned as an “unnecessary genital mutilation,” a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail and a$1,000 fine. A coalition of religious, medical and civil liberties groups sued to stop the proposal; a judge blocked the initiative in July, and this new statewide law prevents further banning efforts by localities. So, our covenant is saved, mohels are sharpening and delis are –making platters!COCO: HEELS OR “HEILS?” A THINK PIECE:How many of us were appalled at “buying German?” or listening to Wagner? Well, the next time you don your “classic” little Chanel black dress, douse yourself in No. 5, or pay a fortune for those shoes with the Interlocking double-C, you may want to think twice or not. In a new –book, Sleeping With The Enemy: Coco Chanel's Secret War, journalist Hal Vaughan claims that the designer, born Gabrielle, was not only a rabid anti-Semite and “companion” to German intelligence analyst Baron Hans Gunther von Dincklage during WWll (which is generally known), but more: she was a numbered Nazi agent ( number F-7124) and spy with the code name: “Westminster” who went on missions to Madrid and Berlin. Despite her well- documented Nazi collaboration, and questioning by a French judge, Chanel, using her typical flair, got through it unscathed after the war. The Chanel fashion house poured some weak doubt on the allegations. But the question remains, should persons of conscience, especially We Jews, 70 years after the war, “forgive” and “forget” the evils of its founder? How long after their death should their beliefs be tied to the art they created?

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.ON THE LIGHTEST SIDE ……Picture it! You’re a speaker of Hebrew only, and you’re trying to get to Manhattan from Great Neck on the Long Island Railroad. So, you go to the Hebrew menus on ticket machines and whoa! You wind up buying a ticket … to Great Neck? Ok, so I exaggerate, slightly. But this past summer, either a glitch or ignorance took over when the letters on the ticket machines went from left to right instead of right to left. One article offered “GnidaeR sdrawkcab si drah” for example. See if you can figure that one out…

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew_Believe_30.htmlWouldJew Believe #30Jan 28, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyW o ul dJ ew lb ie e evJ azz grea t L o u i sA rm s tron gwore t a asr ofD av d ia n d spo e kYiddish?SATCH-“MOT?”WouldJew Believe that the jazz legend who put the “Hello” in “Dolly” was heavily influenced by a family named Karnofksy? The King of cornet and trumpet (with voice and scat to match) Louis Armstrong was born on August 4, 1901 in New Orleans to “absent” parents. Enter the Lithuanian-Jewish immigrants. He worked for the Karnofskys in their junk biz. They became his surrogate family, offering bed, board, love, and spiritual nourishment. They also gave him his first instrument which sent him soaring as a jazz innovator and worldwide ambassador for humanity. He later wrote a memoir of this relationship (“Louis Armstrong and the Jewish Family in New Orleans, La., the Year of 1907) saying,” I was only seven years old but I could easily see the ungodly treatment that the White Folks were handing the poor Jewish family.\" From them, he wrote he learned \"how to live—real life and determination.\" Louis Armstrong not only spoke Yiddish, but wore a Star of David for the rest of his life!OBAMULKES FOR 2012?In 2007, Jews for Obama, a volunteer not for profit group in New York created “Obama 08” yarmulkes, to stump, head-first, for their guy. Though not officially endorsed, the future Prez was presented with one, showed it off to his Secret Service detail and got a really big kick out of it. The charge for the kippah in 2007? Five bucks plus five more for shipping.Well, they’re back just in time for the 2012 re-election campaign! The ivory suede yarmulkes are printed with “Obama 2012” in navy blue and red, and available through Obamulkes.com. The price? The website claims Ebay merchants are charging $25 plus tax for Obama yarmulkes, “but we’re offering our original 2012 Obamulkes at $9 each, plus a flat fee of $5 per order for shipping & handling anywhere in the US.”

Obamulkes, Mitt Menorahs, Ron’s Ram Horns, or Gingrich groggers!?Yes! The price has gone up! I guess they haven’t been following the economy. Now, I wonder what the price would be for say, a Mitt Menorah, Ron’s Ram Horn, or Gingrich grogger? Purim is around thecorner after all…THE ODDEST PEN PAL PAIRINGRemember when as kids, we had pen pals? These were compatible kinder at a distance with whom we shared thoughts, events, feelings?But the oddest “couple” in pen pal history? Louis Schlamowitz, a Jewish New York florist and…. Muammar Gaddafi!Louis and “Mu” exchanged letters, cards, even opinions about Israel from the time the dictator grabbed Libya in 1969 through 1988. Schlamowitz ended his 20-year \"pen pal\" relationship after the 1988 Pan Am bombing. \"[Gaddafi] committed crimes against humanity. I didn't want to get mixed up with him,\" he told the New York Post.Schlamowitz, an 81-year-old Brooklyn resident has a binder filled with 6,000 autographs from people as various as Yasser Arafat, Marilyn Monroe, and Barack Obama. He has even been investigated by the CIA, who concluded this was just a hobby, and not a threat to U.S. security.Gaddafi, who was killed in Libya on Oct. 20, was “a good pen pal,\" said Schlamowitz. “He didn't have to reply back to me, but he did.\"Yet, oddly, Gaddafi’s obituary didn’t read: “Libyan Dictator, criminal, terrorist, masochist, murderer … but he’s a one heck of a pen pal.”FROM UZIS TO SUSHI?Old soldiers never die … they make sushi! Or that’s the plan according to the Israeli Defense Ministry, the Industry, Trade and Labor Ministry and the Gross Foundation, which provides scholarships for discharged soldiers.Retiring soldiers will be trained as sushi chefs courtesy of the government. The idea is for Israelis to replace Asians now “sushi zing” in Israel. \"There is a lack of Israeli workers in this -area, and that is why we are building a program that allows them to learn, get a job, and has lots of 'treats' for those taking the course,\" said a Ministry official.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Along with cooking courses, some ex-soldiers may receive housing and living expenses for a few months. Graduates, who will be placed all over the country, will receive a large grant if they “roll” into the industry, classified as “priority work.”Although when we think sushi, Jews doesn’t jump to mind, Kosher sushi is gaining popularity. So next time you dip your sushi in a little soya sauce, make a bracha and say l’chaim!THE NAME GAME CONTINUES …As my dear readers know, I’ve written on “Names” as they are fascinating! In an earlier WJB, I reported that an Israeli couple, inspired by Facebook, named their child “Like”Well, they may have to “Like” something else. A new law proposed by MK Zvulun Orlev (Bayit Yehudi), chairman of the Knesset Children's Rights Committee, would prevent parents from giving their children “weird” or strange names that would “hurt their welfare or their feelings.”The law states that “a person's name has an important influence on how society and those around him look at him … Judaism places great importance on a person's name.”Israel is not alone. Sweden, Portugal, Norway, and Peru, to name a few, had laws preventing parents from giving their children “negative/difficult” names.Sadly, U.S. celebs have named their children Kal-El, Clyde Klotz, Banjo, Moxie CrimeFighter, Rebel, Rogue, Dweezil, Moon Unit, Diva Muffin, Spec Wildhorse, or Alcamy.So, the question remains, does this law strip mamas and papas of their rights or is it fair child protection from future torture, courtesy of their parents’ egos and meshugas?You be the judge!FAREWELL YITTAJoseph Aaron of the Chicago Jewish News reports the death of Yitta Schwartz, 94, a survivor of the Bergen Belsen concentration camp. Yitta Schwartz never gave up, and embraced her Judaism. She and her husband had 17 children, 170 grandchildren. When she died, she left behind 2,500 Jewish descendants because she “believed that whatever her past, her future could be bright.” Bright indeed. Thank you Yitta.

https://www.aish.com/j/as/WouldJew-Believe-31.htmlWouldJew Believe #31Aug 11, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyInteresting and odd Jewish facts including the first Jewish gold medalist of the 2012 London games.UBER CHUTZPAH!I’m sure you’re aware of the recent Cologne Germany court ruling that non-medical circumcision of a minor is a criminal act. While it doesn’t apply to other districts, Berlin hospitals have been turning away parents until legal clarity has been reachedNow mamalas, if you’ve ever read my columns you know I’m a sucker for irony. However, this particular irony isn’t in the least bit funny. The uber irony takes chutzpah to the 100 “Power.”th The nudnik handling German PR should be switched to sausage stuffi ng.Germany’s reasons? Holm Putzke, a professor of criminal law at the University of Passau who has argued for the ban said that he hoped the ruling would prompt a discussion about \"what should begiven more weight -- religious freedom or the right ofchildren not to have their genitals mutilated.\" Officials have also pointed to a young boy who had some bleeding after being circumsized. The chairman of the Secular Medical Forum, Dr. Antony Lempert, said \"We urge you not to let such emotional blackmail (petitions in opposition have been circulated worldwide, along with truly rotten press) persuade you to change the law or criticise the court's decision.” Still others have pointed to the psychic “trauma and harm to the child” of the ritual, and claim this is not anti-Semitism.Fortunately, due the outcry (and yes, more than a few references to the Holocaust) German Chancellor Angela Merkel has warned that Germany could become a laughing stock if it fails to overturn the ban.The ban probably won’t win, but the nudnik handling their PR should be switched to sausage stuffing.

NAZI NEWSFLASH!Infamous Nazi “alleged” war criminal, Laszlo Csatary, who served during World War II as a senior Hungarian police officer in Kosice, then under Hungarian rule, is accused of being complicit in deporting almost 16,000 Jews from Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia in early 1944to Auschwitz, which cost them their lives. In 1948, a Czech court condemned him to death after a trial held in his absence, as he had fled to Canada, working as an art dealer using a false identity before being unmasked in 1995 and forced to flee. Yet, hiding out in Budapest, the 97-year-old eluded justice for 70 years, and was finally “unmasked” by The Sun, acting on information released last September by the Weisenthal Centre. When its reporters confronted him on his doorstep, he denied any crimes and slammed the door in their faces, the paper reported.A Hungarian prosecutor said that investigating an aged Nazi war criminal found “alive and well” in Budapest was problematic because the events took place so long ago and in a different country.To the Sun reporter, however, time did not diminish Csatary’s guilt.KOSHER KAFFEINATIONHear “let’s go for coffee” and what you think of? Starbucks! It’s the mega-java miracle idea that’s turned what was once a humble brew into a five-star gourmet libation. But like good Jews the first question that we have to ask is “Is it kosher?” Well the leading amateur anywhere on the subject of Kosher Kaffeination (my term) is Uri Ort, a 26-year-old Orthodox Jew who lives on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, and runs kosherstarbucks.com. His site tells us what products Jews may consume at Starbucks without risking a treif mistake.Coffee beans and hot water are kosher. The kink here is that Starbucks offers other items, such as breakfast sandwiches with ham, and flavored coffees. So we have the “treif tainting” problem as kosher laws dictate that dishes can also obtain the status of non-kosher.To sort these complicated matters, Ort started a Web site to guide us through “treif vs. kosher” at America’s favorite coffee house by marking Starbucks products with a green or red light. The Frappuccinos-- red lights. The Tazo teas -- green lights. Hot chocolate -- green light (but white hot chocolate, red light.) The Vivanno smoothie? It depends on the flavor. Mocha drizzle on top — yes! Caramel drizzle, no. Yes to whipped cream.Surprisingly, the Eggnog Latte is okay, (though he recommends checking the eggnog certification).So caffeine addicts go, enjoy! But remember, Frappucinos are frum forbidden.

\"MISS HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR”Recently, Haifa played host to a controversial beauty pageant, the \"Miss Holocaust Survivor\" contest, featuring 14 Jewish women survivors (age 74-97) who were finalists out of 300 competitors. About 600 spectators attended, including two Israeli Cabinet ministers.The event, while billed as a \"celebration of life,\" drew criticism.Colette Avital, chairperson of Israel's leading Holocaust survivors' umbrella group and a former Member of Parliament thought it was “macabre.\" She said: “I am in favor of enriching lives, but a one-time pageant masquerading (survivors) with beautiful clothes is not what is going to make their lives more meaningful.\" She also took issue with the contest sponsor, a cosmetics company pushing its products. Other naysayers wondered what sort of precedent was being set by the pageant. \"This is one step short of 'Survivor-Holocaust' or 'Big Brother Auschwitz',\" wrote an influential Israeli blogger. Organizer Shimon Sabag, who heads a charity that helps Holocaust survivors in need, disagrees, pointing out that appearance was only about 10 percent of the overall score when compared with their stories of survival. Naysayers said “beauty” shouldn't have been considered at all.The finalists did share their survival stories as they were judged by of three former beauty queens and a geriatric psychiatrist. Taking home the tiara was 78-year-old Hava Hershkovitz, who suffered three years of severe hardship at a Soviet detention camp. “It puts us at the centre of attention so people will care,\" she said. \"It's not easy at this age to be in a beauty contest, but we're all doing it to show that we're still here.\"Uplifting or Upsetting? You Be the Judge.MAZEL TOV TO ALY RAISMAN! A JEWISH OLYMPIANAly Raisman, captain of The Fab Five in U.S. gymnastics, was the last competitor in the floor exercise, the final obstacle between them and gold!American and particularly Jewish Americans held their collective breath as Jewish gymnast, Raisman nailed it, with 75 seconds of an almost flawless performance that brought her team in first place for the all-around women’s gymnastics at the 2012 London Olympics.More, she won it to the tune of “Hava Nagila!” A song she chose because of its excitement and to show her Jewish pride. Said Raisman, “It’s a huge honor to be the first Jewish gold medalist of the 2012 London Games.” Her victory continued the Jewish Midas Touch established by Kerri Strug in the 1996 Atlanta Olympics.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.When I interviewed Kerri’s mom, Melanie, in my book “Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother” (shameful promotion), she strongly emphasized the fact that you can’t be an athlete your whole life: “School was always number one with us. Gymnastics was not going to be her future.” Kerri went on to get her MS Degree from Stanford. A Jewish kid who can run, jump, leap … and beat a strange horse with no head?So much for stereotypes!

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew-Believe-33.htmlWouldJew Believe #33Nov 18, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyA le a d in gA m eri c a nJ ew ttaen nd ig t he r fist h a n k s gi i vn g, ah o lid a ypossibly derived from Sukkot?!Gershom Mendes Seixas, cantor and spiritual leader of New York City’s Congregation Shearith Israel.A JEW AT THE FIRST OFFICIAL THANKSGIVING!Many Jews know that Thanksgiving is probably derived from Sukkot as both are autumn harvest festivals. While t>he pilgrims invited local Indians to the first Thanksgiving in 1621, most likely in earlyOctober, near Sukkot, the first >official> Thanksgiving Observance was held in 1789 by proclamation of George Washington. WouldJew Believe a leading Jew attended: Gershom Mendes Seixas, cantor and spiritual leader of New York City’s Congregation Shearith Israel. Seixas, a strong supporter of Washington, was one of the clergy when the President was inaugurated. More, at Shearith Israel, Seixas preached that Jews were “equal partakers of every benefit that results from this good government” and should try “to live as Jews ought to do in brotherhood and amity, to seek peace and pursue it.”So, this Thanksgiving feel free to pass the Kosher turkey … and add a bissel tsimmis.VERE DERE’S A VILL, DERE’S A NEW WAY?\"Spiritual\" estate planning, or passing down assets based on values has become a hot issue for Baby Boomers who want to keep their Yiddishkeit in the family. Aside from end-of-life health care and burial arrangements, some spiritual wills also leave heirs in or out by “affiliation,” for example they may disinherit children who marry outside the faith. In a 2009 case, the Illinois Supreme Court, overturning the decisions of lower courts, unanimously ruled that a Jewish man, Max Feinberg, and his wife could legally cut off their grandchildren who

chose to marry outside of the Jewish religion. Personally, while I’m adamant about marrying “in,” I wonder if it isn’t far better to instill our values, rather than “bribing,” which, even for a noble cause is a pyrrhic “victory” at best. What do you think?DOUBLE DUMMKOMPFS: THE KINDEST CUT, RE-VISITEDDespite German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s attempt to keep male circumcision legal warning they’ll look like dummkompfs to “touch” this sensitive area for Jews, the mishegoss in Germany continues! Now, they’ve added a new wrinkle. Over 50 MPs from three parties are proposing that parents must wait until their son is 14 so he can give his informed consent!These Uber Dummkompfs who have cited “trauma and harm to the child” (claiming this is not anti-Semitism), have now decided it’s OK to “traumatize and harm” a teenager. Someone please explain this to me. Angela?PRESIDENT TRUMAN & THE JEWSIn 1960, former President Harry Truman wagered a guess when at an Israel bond rally, predicting that \"50 years after I'm dead,\" a Jew might be elected President of the United States. \"I'd certainly like to see it,\" he said, \"but the figures are against me. The next thing you know, we’ll elect a Jew, then maybe a colored man for Vice President.\" Truman died at age 88 in 1972. As of 2012, We Jews are still waiting for President Truman’s predictions to come true. 10 years to go before the annual Easter egg hunt gets replaced with an Afikomen hunt…JEWS IN A HUFF OVER HUFFMany Jews are in a huff when, in a recent article, the Huffington Post offered up a poll asking “What is Judaism’s most unusual ritual?” This was accompanied by an article declaring the Lulav and Etrog ritual to be “Judaism’s closest thing to a rain dance.” The poll, which offers no total vote tally, has thus far placed circumcision at top (23.32%). Is the smell of anti-Semitism wafting or is this just a Huff Puff piece? Would they ever ask, “What is Islam’s most unusual ritual?” Hmmm.Would they ever ask, “What is Islam’s most unusual ritual?”NO LONGER AT OPPOSITE POLESFor many Polish gentiles, Jewish culture is nowbeing seen as part of their Polish heritage, andmany are eagerly seeking to revive, remember, and respect the Polish Yiddishkeit. Marek Tuszewicki, a non-Jew doing doctoral work at the Institute of Jewish Studies at Jagiellonian University in Krakow, also teaches Yiddish at the Krakow JCC, and co-founded Cwiszn, a quarterly that publishes articles and poems in Yiddish.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.“Many Poles are interested in Yiddish because it is the heritage of Poland,” Tuszewicki said. “Yiddish developed here and great Yiddish literature has been written here. Forgetting Yiddish we would forget an important part of our culture.”In Kielce (my late mother’s birthplace), Bogdan Bialek organized a ceremony commemorating the Jews murdered in a 1946 pogrom. The ceremony became annual memorial marches.Recently, he arranged for a sukkah in the town’s center, where locals heard stories and saw films about Kielce’s Jewish history.In Grodzisk, 2009, locals wanted to commemorate their town’s local Jewish heritage. They started “Jewish Street,” by lighting up the walls of the old Jewish cemetery one night. In 2010, Robert Augustyniak, one of the project’s initiators, excavated Jewish gravestones used to build a sidewalk and return them to the cemetery. “It was raining that day,” he said. “From the mud began to appear some symbols: hands, candles, ornaments, plants and finally the Hebrew inscriptions.” His group then organized Grodzisk’s first Jewish cultural festival. In 2011, the Israeli Embassy in Warsaw gave Jewish Street an award.“The memory of the Jews is now fashionable in the city,” Augustyniak said.I SCREAM YOU SCREAM … WE’LL ALL SCREAM FOR ISRAEL’S GOURMET ICE CREAM?Israel has joined the hip gourmet ice cream trade with new flavors that may well put a Jewish stamp (never mind taste) on the ooh soo good confection. But will Hummus Ice cream make you crave frozen chick peas? How about Eggplant Ice cream? Of course if you prefer these on pita, you can choose Halva ice cream. Another popular flavor is Mastik chewing gum ––sometimes also called Bazooka. Personally, given all the abuse our homeland receives, Rocky Road, should be the National Dish.

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew-Believe-37.htmlWouldJew Believe #37Jul 6, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyW e r id l w id a n dw a c k yJ ew i s h fa ct slik e… g ettin go ut t he e Jw i sh vo et in P a k i s ta n .MASTER RACE CAR?The new 2014 Chevy SS won’t be storming Israel. The car that made its debut at the Daytona Speedway on February 16 has been sharply criticized for its “SS” moniker, which also stood for the Schutzstaffel, the paramilitary unit headed by Heinrich Himmler in Hitler’s Nazi Germany.“Chevrolet has no plans to export the SS to Israel.”While the car’s “SS” sobriquet means “Super Sport” and is part of many GM cars with the SS suffix, this is the first time the initials are being used without “Super Sport” included in the branding. Accordingto the Hebrew daily Yedioth Ahronoth, Baruch Shuv, a manager of the Yad Vashem Holocaust memorial said: “the use of this name is very inappropriate… It is not a name that bring will them pride or success.”Chevrolet spokesperson Michael Albano told FoxNews.com that “Chevrolet has no plans to export the SS to Israel.”Always at the ready, I looked up “SS” and while of course one of its meanings refers to the Schutzstaffel, there are no less than 600 instances where the acronym stands for something else, especially in the digital age, from “Social Security” to “Screen Saver.”So, the question remains, does “SS” stand for “Super Stupid” on the part of GM, or “Super- Sensitivity” on the part of We Jews. You be the judge.STILL HAVE ANY LEFTOVER MATZAH?Admit it. You’ve done the matzah-brei-ing, built 12 matzah houses with the kids, grouted your tile, and you’re still stuck with 250 pounds of leftover Pesach matzo (which is no doubt why they call it the bread of affliction). Ah, but celebrity dermatologist Dr. Ava Shamban has a brilliant new way to use the stuff. She has recipes to make our skin gorgeous post-Pesach, even as our waistlines are increasing. Her Oliv-ing in the Desert Scrub includes matzo meal,

olive oil, and grapefruit juice. But there’s more … her Have A Berry Happy Seder Mask uses yogurt, blueberries, yogurt, and what else? Matzah meal. Now, if she could only come up with “The Thigh Matzah” count me in.EDUCATING OUTSIDE “THE BOX”While the Jewish Museum of Berlin has created a “unique,” never mind controversial way of educating visitors with their Jew in a Box exhibit, the Auschwitz Jewish Center kicked off a fundraising campaign on Yom HaShoah to save the house of Szymon Kluger (who died in 2000) the last Jewish resident of Oswiecim, Poland -- the town where Auschwitz was built. His house was next to the Center, which includes a restored synagogue, a museum, and educational facilities; however a retaining wall is so eroded, that a landslide could easily destroy both the house and the synagogue, according to Tomasz Kuncewicz, the Center’s Director.Plans include turning the house into a vegetarian cafe called Oshpitzin — the Yiddish name for Oswiecim — where guests from around the world can engage in intercultural dialogue. Said Kuncewicz, “We want to respect the town’s heritage by offering local products and promoting local artists in Cafe Oshpitzin. By reinforcing the Kluger house, the synagogue’s future will also be secured, so that visitors to Auschwitz can continue to have a Jewish haven for reflection.”Personally I’d much prefer sharing over hummus on pita than “performing” in a box and developing a mortal fear of flying peanuts.UBER CHUTZPAH!On March 30, 2013, Het Parool, a local Amsterdam daily reported that Amsterdam fined hundreds of Jewish Holocaust survivors for non-payment of city taxes, in absentia during the Holocaust. It seems they were elsewhere hiding or in concentration camps. A college –student, Charlotte van den Berg, found the archived documents while researching Jewish homeowners. The abandoned houses were grabbed up by the Dutch Nazi party, while the owners were “otherwise occupied.” About 75% of Holland’s Jews (140,000) were murdered during the Holocaust. Ronny Naftaniel, a top advisor for the Center for Information and Documentation on Israel, a Hague-based watchdog on anti-Semitism found the discovery “shocking” adding, \"The City of Amsterdam has never, to my knowledge, taken steps to correct its actions.” This even dwarfs “No taxation without representation!”GETTING OUT THE JEWISH VOTE?Pakistan’s English language paper, The News, recently cited the Election Commission of Pakistan’s report that “there are around 800 Jewish voters registered in Pakistan out of which 427 are women and 382 men.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Given the fact that there are virtually no Jews in Pakistan, my guess is politicians won’t be speechifying at Pakistani shuls, or handing out bagels on street corners to woo the Jewish vote, which trust me, they wouldn’t get anyway. But … WouldJew Believe we’re a “silent” minority … according to Pakistan?

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew-Believe-34-Hanukkah-Edition.htmlWouldJew Believe 34: Hanukkah EditionDec 9, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyIn the year 3031, there won’t be a Hanukkah?!Many of our holidays are a mixture of joys and oys, and The Festival of Lights is no exception.A Little Joy: “Can you guess, children, which is the best of all holidays? Hannukah, of course! Mother is in the kitchen rendering goose fat and frying pancakes. You eat pancakes every day.”--Sholom AleichemA Little Oy: “Arkady was the only Jew I ever shared a cell with in the gulag. We celebrated Hannukah together in Chistopol prison in 1980, lighting pieces of wax paper we had stashed away for months and hoping they would last long enough for us to say prayers over them.”-- Natan (Anatol) SharanskyIT’S THE EMMES! BIBLE SURPRISEHanukkah is one of the few Jewish festivals that commemorates an event not mentioned in the Hebrew Bible The story behind the celebration is related in the Talmud as well as the . Book of the Maccabees. The holiday represents Jewish determination to be radical in the defense of our religion against all odds.How did the Maccabees know that the small jar of oil they found was kosher?THE MAGICAL MENORAHThe eight-branched candelabrum, now associated with Hanukkah, was first described in Exodus 37 and detailed as a seven-branched gold candelabrum made by Bezalel, the artisan, for the Tabernacle inthe wilderness. The Menorah was later placed in the Temple in Jerusalem. The image of this Menorah can be seen in stone relief on the Arch of Tutus in Rome, depicting the vanquished Jews, now Roman slaves, holding the Temple Menorah, after the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 C.E. after which the seven-branched was never again used.

The Hanukkah Menorah technically called a Hanukkiah, has eight, plus the high center –candle. This recalls the time, in 165 B.C.E., when the Maccabees reclaimed the Holy Temple which had been defiled by the Greeks, finding only one small jar of kosher oil remaining, which miraculously burned for 8 days and night.Now how did they know that the oil was kosher, you ask? It bore the stamp of the High Priest. So the next time you are in the grocery store and see a kosher symbol on that snack food from one of the world’s many kosher certifiers, remember that this industry has been around for a long time. Even longer than latkes.TO BE A JEW REQUIRES THE EXTRAORDINARY … BECAUSE WE MUSTHanukkah was approaching. Fortunately, we had among us a man who was a wizard at handicraft [Valery Krijzak]. For Hanukkah, Krijzak made a wonderful dreidel out of bread, but it was the day before Hanukkah and we still didn’t have any candles. Then the miracle of Hanukkah took place in our cell! Krijzak moaned, “Doctor, I am having a terrible hemorrhoid attack. Please give me some suppositories.” Now we had the material from which to make candles ... enclosed behind thick steel doors. But we were still with our people.—Excerpted: Refusenik Yosef Begun, “Hanukkah in a Soviet Prison” (1998)TWICE IS NICE!Everyone knows that Hanukkah occurs once a year, right? Wrong. In the year 3031 of the Gregorian calendar, there will be no Hanukkah! Ah, but the following year, 3032, there will be two -- one in January, the other in December. That's, count 'em 16 gifts per! (And don't forget the latkes.) As We Jews are always on top of things, I suggest we each leave a time capsule to be opened in the Gregorian year 3000, with instructions to our loved ones that read: “Mamalas! Start saving your shekels, and store up on potatoes, should, God forbid, there be a famine! Much love and remember, we’re watching! Great-great-great-grand Tante Tillie.”SCHMALZ!According to John Cooper in Eat and Be Satisfied, the Jews in the Rhineland developed the breeding and fattening of geese, as far back as the Middle Ages. The slaughter of a duck or goose on Hanukkah provided the fat used for frying latkes, while the remaining fat and skin was rendered separately to be set aside for Passover, proving once again, We Jews love our leftovers!Did the Maccabees see Haley’s Comet?!WW l1: A PACIFIC HANUKKAH

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Jewish Marines had come back from the capture of Tarawa and encamped on an island in the Central Pacific, on a ridge 3,000 feet above sea level. Chaplain Jacob Philip Rudin traveled to the precarious quarters to celebrate another group of valiant soldiers The Maccabees. As –there were no chairs, electric lights and the wind whistled, flapping the tent-chapel, Chaplain Rudin filled the menorah with small orange candles as the men recited the prayers, and sang \"Maoz Tzur.\" Then he described a small miracle. “As we stood in the semi-gloom the wind set the flame flickering, the entire menorah was ablaze. I let it burn, as though we were sharing all the eight days in one miraculous moment. The lights of Hanukkah gleamed through the darkness and made it bright with their golden message of courage and faith and hope.”COMET SHEDS LIGHTIn Amazing Jewish Facts and Curiosities: Can You Believe It? Ronald H. Isaacs reports a novel astrological theory. When the events relating to Hanukkah were occurring (165 B.C.E.), Halley’s Comet was passing very close to Earth. Upon victory over the Greeks, the theory contends that when the Jews witnessed this miraculous light in the sky from the Comet’s tail, Hanukkah, was termed “Festival of lights.”AND SPEAKING OF OUTER SPACE ……..In December 1993, astronaut Jeffrey Hoffman, mission specialist on the Endeavor, made history when he became the first Jew to demonstrate to a live TV audience how to spin a dreidel in space! He even brought a small silver menorah with him, but couldn’t light it, as open flames could start a conflagration in space.Astronaut David Wolf lived on the Mir space station from September 1997 to January 1998. While orbiting during Hanukkah, he, too, couldn't light his menorah without blowing up the craft, but thanks to zero gravity, he probably holds the dreidel spinning record an hour and –a half. The dreidel went missing, but was later recovered after in an air filter after having traveled 25,000 miles! (Not recommended for small children!)

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew-Believe-High-Holiday-Edition.htmlWouldJew Believe: High Holiday EditionSep 8, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyNo eating pickles on Rosh Hashanah?Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, our High Holy Days, are revered by We Jews. On Rosh Hashanah, Jews the world over gather in synagogues to celebrate the day God created Adam and Eve, the first humans. Symbolic foods are eaten, such as apples dipped in honey and round challahs, for a sweet year; fish heads (so we can be \"like the head and not like the tail\"); pomegranates (for health, happiness, and plenty for the New Year); and carrots (the Yiddish is \"merren\" which also means “more,” and represents more of the good things in life.) For Sephardic Jews, carrots are symbolic of the phrase \"Yikaretu oyveynu\" or may our enemies fail to do us harm.How many of us know that on Rosh Hashanah 1963, Larry Yellen sat out what was to be his Major League debut for the Houston Colts.On Rosh Hashanah we wish each other “May you be written in for a good year.” But Rosh Hashanah is not the end of the judgment; it is only on Yom Kippur that our judgment is made final.AND FROM THESE SEEDSInterestingly, the pomegranate is believed to possess 613 seeds … the same number of Jewishmitzvot (commandments). The fruit then also serves as a reminder to God of how meritorious the eater has been during the previous year.DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ITIn Ashkenazi tradition, nuts are forbidden on Rosh Hashanah, since in Hebrew, the numerical value of “egoz” (nuts) is equivalent to the word “chet” meaning sin. Finally hold the pickles!Pickles, a great Jewish food favorite, are never served so as not to start anew with a sour taste.TAKE A BREAK TODAY

In order to prevent Yom Kippur from falling on the day before or after the Sabbath, a rabbinic calculation, insures that the first day of Rosh Hashanah can never fall on a Sunday, Wednesday, or Friday. This was a highly logical decision. The rabbis needed to make sure Jewish laws forbidding the preparation of food, or burial, could never occur on two consecutive days.A ROSE BY MANY OTHER NAMESWe call the start of the Jewish New Year, “Rosh Hashanah.” But the holiday has “nicknames:”The Book of Leviticus 23: Zichron teruah – a remembrance of sounding of the Ram’s horn. It’s also referred to as Yom teruah, the day of blowing.The Talmud: Yom HaZikkaron, or Day of Remembrance, and Yom Ha-Kaseh or the Day of Concealment, as it falls at the start of the month when the new moon may still be hidden.The Book of Leviticus 23:27: Yom ha-Kippurim (“Day of Atonements), and in 16:31: Shabbat Shabbaton (“Sabbath of solemn rest)In Babylon: Yoma Rabbah, (“Great Day”)The term “Trumpet Feast” was also used, according to Philo of Alexandria.FOR YOU SPORTS FAN: DENKS GOD THEY DIDN’T PLAY!Leave it to the Jews! We admire those athletes who didn’t play on the High Holy Days, as much we do their amazing records! I’ve written about Sandy Koufax, Ken Holtzman, “Hammer’n Hank” Greenberg, and Ron Blomberg, “The Sundown Kid.”But how many of us know that in 1963, Larry Yellen, in what was to be his debut for the Houston Colt .45s, listened to “mama” and sat out the game against the New York Mets? Unlike Koufax, there was little press, as Yellen’s career in the majors was short. It ended in 1964, after pitching in only 14 games.On the other hand …HALL OF FAMER…The “bomber from the Bronx,” Hank Greenberg, the first Jewish ball player elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame, who refused to play on Rosh Hashanah, inspired the Detroit Free Press to publish a special New Year’s greeting to him on its front page in 1934 — in HebrewFOILED AGAIN!

Lydia Hatoel-Zuckerman, one of Israel's top female fencers, competed in the foil event at the 1984, 1992, and 1996 Olympiads. In 1979, at the age of 16, Lydia became Israel's women's fencing champion, a title she would hold for many years. The Guinness Book of World Records listed her after she had won the title six straight times. However, she missed the 1988 Seoul Olympics because the fencing competition fell on Yom Kippur. She won the bronze at the 2001 Maccabiah Games in the individual foil competition. In 2002, the 39-year-old reached the semifinals of the European Championships only one-and-a-half months after giving birth to her third child.JEWISH NEW YEAR TIDBITS:1. At the beginning of the New Year, one should eat gourds, fenugreek, leeks, beets, and dates (Talmud, Keritut 6a), as some grow and ripen early, signifying increased merits, while others are sweet, representing a sweet year.2)A little like a Jewish Groundhog day, according to Rabbi Z’vid, if the first day of Rosh Hashanah is hot, so will be the entire year and vice versa.–3) Live or Die? According to Rabbi Ammi (Talmud, Horayot, 12a), to determine if one will live out the year, during ten days between Rosh Hash and Yom Kuppur, light a lamp in a house with no drafts. If light continues to burn, you’ll live.THE NEW YEAR IN THE WILDERNESSAccording to The Pictorial History of the Jewish People, one of the first Jews to arrive in the “wilderness” of Ohio was a watchmaker from Plymouth, England, Joseph Jonas. While friends tried to dissuade him from heading West, for fear he would forget his religion among non- Jews, Jonas, vowing never to forsake Judaism, was fascinated by the prospect of settling on the banks of the Ohio. It took him two difficult months to make the journey from New York to Cincinnati finally settling in 1817, where for two years, he prayed alone. Finally he persuaded his brothers and two others, also Jews, to join him. In 1819, prayers rang out in the wilderness as this tiny group of Jews celebrated Rosh Hashanah! Not only were the High Holidays celebrated, but Jonas and his group started the first Jewish Congregation in Cincinnati, Kahl aKodish Bene Israel.Le'shana Tova Tikoteiv Vetichoteim (Le'Alter LeChaim Tovim U'Leshalom) Tizku leshanim rabbotShalom with love, Marnie

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https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew_Believe_Israel_Edition.htmlWouldJew Believe: Israel EditionMay 28, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyRemarkable facts about our beloved homeland.Hill of SpringThe first modern Jewish city, founded 1909 on sand dunes north of Jaffa with the building of sixty homes was Tel Aviv. The following year it was named Tel Aviv which in translation means “Hill of Spring,” taken from a Babylonian city (Ezekiel 3:15) and used by Nahum Sokolow as the title for his translation of Herzl's book Altneuland.Bush wondered how Peres stayed in such good shape. “I run the Israeli cabinet,” replied Peres.Hebrew: A Re-BirthHebrew, the language of study, religion, formal and literary works, ceased to be a spoken language around 250 B.C.E. An early Zionist, Eliezer Ben- Yehuda (1858-1922), realized that a commonlanguage would be required for those returning to their homeland. Upon landing in Jaffa in 1881 (from Lithuania), he established the first only Hebrew-speaking household, worked tirelessly on modernizing Hebrew and on the first modern dictionary, completed by his wife and a son after his death. All 16 volumes were finally published in 1959.\"Dear God ...\"Hundreds of people a year write prayers and difficulties and mail them to, you guessed it -- God. The address? \"God, Jerusalem, Israel.\" So where does the mail go? Does God get them? Let us hope. First they go to the Israeli Post Office's Dead Letters Department, then each letter, collected in a velvet bag, is posted into a crack in the Western Wall. Perhaps more importantly, does God answer all the letters? Of course. (But a self-addressed stamped envelope wouldn’t hurt!)Israeli Diet?

According to author Tim Boxer, when Shimon Peres visited Vice President George Bush at the time, Bush inquired how the Prime Minister stayed so fit. It wasn’t a terrific secret. “I run the Israeli cabinet,” replied Peres.If You Will It“When I was 14 my father took us to meet Chaim Weizmann the day before he went to Washington to persuade President Truman to recognize the State of Israel. He asked me when I was going to Israel. ‘Next year if there's peace’ ... because that's what I'd been told to say. He chastised me: \"There will be peace.\"My father, a Zionist, sat at the kitchen table listening to the radio while the United Nations voted on partition. When [the vote] put it over the top, he just sat there and cried ...” Manny Azenberg, producerAmerican Jewry RespondsWe American Jews have been divided on many issues. But when it came to supporting the creation of the modern Jewish State, aid was there and wallets were open. The Haunted Smile reports a meeting with Golda Meyerson (Meir) at Eddie Cantor’s house in 1948 to raise funds for Israel. Jack Benny sent a signed blank check with instructions to “fill in whatever you need.” Cantor did, for $25, 000, the least he knew Benny would have contributed.Mother CourageI have taught my sons to be good Jews. To battle for that which is right until the last breath, for man is duty-bound to fight for what he holds dear in life. – Rivka GruberWhen the Israel-Egypt peace treaty was signed, Rivka Gruber was among the dignitaries. A pioneer settler in the Land of Israel, Rivka joined a Jewish Battalion. Her son Ephraim joined the Haganah and was killed two months before the establishment of Israel. Her other son, 16- year-old Zvi, was killed in battle against the Egyptians three months later. Rivka went on to teach others in a remote region of Israel, helping to transform the area into a thriving sector.Fear No EvilFive years ago, I submitted my application for exit to Israel. Now I'm further than ever from my dream. It would seem to be cause for regret. But it is absolutely otherwise. I am happy. I am happy that I lived honestly, in peace with my conscience. I never compromised my soul, even under the threat of death.---- Natan (Anatol) Sharansky in Moscow court before 1978 sentencing.

On February 11, 1986, Sharansky was freed, greeted in Germany by Israeli officials and given an Israeli passport. In March 2001, he became Minister of Housing and Deputy Prime Minister.Everyone’s Child“I was at the store when a woman started speaking to me in urgent, Hebrew, gesturing to my 14-month-old son who was happily sucking on his lollipop. Eventually I put it together...... herwords, like sakana [danger] and lo tov [not good]. No good, she was saying, for such a young child to have a lollipop. Why did [she] have to get involved? Lollipops can pop right off the stick, God forbid, and get stuck in the child's throat. This is Israel, where one's child is not simply one's child [but] belongs to everyone.”–Excerpt from Aish.com, Devora Talia GordonUnited States Presidents on IsraelLincoln: Shortly after delivering the Emancipation Proclamation, President Abraham Lincoln met a Canadian Christian Zionist, Henry Wentworth Monk, who expressed hope that Jews who were being oppressed in Russia and Turkey be emancipated \"by restoring them to their national home in Palestine.\" Lincoln replied this was \"a noble dream and one shared by many Americans.\"Truman: “I had faith in Israel before it was established, I have faith in it now.”President Harry Truman to Chaim Weizmann, granting de facto recognition of the new Jewish State eleven minutes after Israel's proclamation of independence.—Eisenhower: “I believe [Israel] has a glorious future before it—not just another sovereign nation, but as an embodiment of the great ideals of our civilization.” -- Dwight D. Eisenhower with David Ben-Gurion, May 26, 1952Lyndon Johnson: When Soviet Premier Aleksei Kosygin asked Lyndon Johnson why the United States supports Israel when there are 80 million Arabs and only three million Israelis, the President replied simply: \"Because it is right.\"Nixon: “I may not worry as much as Prime Minister Eshkol does about Israel, but I worry as deeply.” – President Richard M. Nixon in a Memorandum of Conversation with Israeli Ambassador Harman, February 7, 1968.Reagan: “The survival of Israel is not just a political issue, it is a moral imperative. That is my deeply held belief and it is the belief shared by the vast majority of the American people. A strong secure Israel is not just in Israel's interest. It's in the interest of the United States and in the interest of the entire free world.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Clinton: “The United States admires Israel for all that it has overcome and for all that it has accomplished. We are proud of the strong bond we have forged with Israel, based on our shared values and ideals. That unique relationship will endure just as Israel has endured.”Just a Few AchievementsIsrael accounts for less than 1/1000th of the world's population, and is the 150 smallest th country, yet is a world leader in many areas.Humanism, Politics, and Culture. Israel is the only liberal democracy in the Middle East where Muslims, Christians, and Jews may vote in free and fair representative parliamentary elections. It also has the highest average living standards in the Middle East. Israel's $100 billion economy is larger than all of its immediate neighbors combined.Innovation: Israel leads the world in the number of scientists and technicians in the workforce, with 145 per 10,000, as opposed to 85 per 10,000 in the U.S. More, it has the highest ratio of university degrees to its population, the highest per capita ratio of scientific publications and patents filed, and proportionally the largest number of startup companies in the world.Israelis among other things:*designed the most impenetrable flight security, and advise the U.S. re: airborne security threats.*developed the first fully no-radiation, diagnostic instrumentation for breast cancer treatment.And: *The cell phone, Windows NT software, voice mail technology, AOL’s instant messenger program, and the Pentium MMX Chip were designed in Israel.NOT BAD FOR 63 YEARS.

https://www.aish.com/j/f/WouldJew-Believe-The-Purim-Edition.htmlWouldJew Believe: The Purim EditionFeb 16, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyOutrageous, odd and interesting Jewish facts to get you into the Purim spirit.Many of our holidays are a mixture of joys and oys! Purim of course, commemorates the deliverance of the Jewish people in ancient Persia from destruction in the wake of a plot by the evil Haman. In the story, recorded in the Biblical Book of Esther (Megillat Esther), Haman, royal vizier to King Ahasuerus planned to kill the Jews, but his plans were foiled by Mordechai and Queen Esther. The day of deliverance for Jews is one of pure joy as we feast, rejoice (and have been known to drink a little or a lot). Here are some things you may or may not know–… but are ever fascinating about Purim.A BIT MEGILLAH OVER … “MAKING A MEGILLAH?”The Megillah, the Book of Esther, as we know, is a loong detailed account that’s read in the synagogue during Purim. From this came the expression \"the whole megillah,\" as in “… then he talked about his hernia operation and we had to hear the whole megillah,” meaning “oyyyy – every detail he tells us, for hours.” Over the years, the word has been expanded and embraced by Jews and Gentiles alike to describe a major drama or a big deal. Listen:\"Wheaties. ... It's the wholemegillah.\"Judy Woodruff used it during the 2000 Presidential race, saying: \"We're waiting for the vote from Florida. That's the big megillah.\"A White House spokesman said of Clinton’s secondinauguration, \"The President and First Lady wanted it to be less of a megillah.\" In 1965, a The New York Times reviewer said: \"This is a big megillah of a novel.\" A 1995, a Wheaties ad announced: \"Wheaties. ... It's the whole megillah.\"Not one of the above was dressed as Queen Esther at the time. Pity.ENTER RIGHT: THE YIDDISH THEATER

We Jews can credit Purim plays for giving birth to the modern Yiddish Theater, which began in Romania in 1876, notably through the work of producer, playwright, and manager, Abraham Goldfaden. It soon spread through Europe and the U.S., thriving for years in New York City. Great names and family dynasties dominated. Some of the most prominent were Sigmund Mogulesko who was the first great comedian of the genre in the late 1800s. Others included Aaron Lebedoff, Ludwig Satz, Max Bozyk, Michel Rosenberg, the Burstein family, Jacob Jacobs, Leo Fuchs, Henrietta Jacobson — and of course, Molly Picon, Menasha Skolnik and Muni Weisenfreund a.k.a. Paul Muni. Currently there are attempts to revive this art form, so … the next time you go see Der Yeshiva Bokher (a Yiddish version of Hamlet), take with you a bag of Hamentashen and maybe a bottle of Schnapps or two!–NICANOR IS NOT TO BE IGNORED!“What” you may ask is Nicanor, which I admit sounds like a salute to Santa in Rio de Janeiro.Actually, it’s Jewish. This long forgotten holiday, occurring the day before Purim, was originally observed as a festival. By the seventh century, it all but disappeared, replaced by the Fast of Esther. Nicanor Day marked the anniversary of Judah the Maccabee's defeat of Syrian general Nicanor in 161 BCE by beheading. Oy! If we Jews eat hamantashen (Haman's –ears) on Purim, I shudder to think what we’d be nibbling on Nicanor.THE FIRST PIONEER PURIM BALLJennie Migel-Drachman, born in 1859 in Russia, daughter of a Jewish merchant, married Samuel Drachman at age 17. They went to Tucson, where they resided for 37 years, raised four children and pioneered Jewish life in the region. Sam acted as lay rabbi and was the first president of congregation Emanu-El, while Jennie was active in the Hebrew Ladies Benevolent Society. In 1886, The “Tucson Citizen” described the first Purim Ball Jennie helped plan, as: “The most brilliant social event in the history of Tucson.”QUICKIE PURIM FACTSPurim is one of the few Jewish holidays that was instituted by the Sages. God's name isn't mentioned in the entire Scroll of Esther.Chickpeas are eaten by some on Purim reminding us of Queen Esther’s fare to avoid treif in the king’s palace by becoming a vegetarian.Purim challah is long and braided signifying the ropes that tied Haman.Mordechai was the first recorded person in history to be called a \"Jew\"? (Prior, Jews were called \"Hebrews\" or \"Israelites.\")The Hadassah organization is named after Esther, which is one of her names. And while we’re on the subject, Queen Esther Street is found in the heart of Tel Aviv. But it gets better, there are towns named Esther in Missouri and Louisiana!

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Achashverosh searched four years for a queen, looking over more than 1400 contestants, before choosing Esther! (And we worry about that poor group of “Batchelorettes!”)

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/48922377.htmlWouldJew Believe?Feb 16, 2008by Marnie Winston-MacauleyOutrageous, odd, fascinating Jewish facts and figures.HAIRDRESSER, TOP HEBREW FREEDOM FIGHTERQuick! When you think of the word \"hairdresser,\" what leaps to mind? \"Cream rinse?\" \"Blow dry?\" \"Oy dahling, who ‘did' you last? Edward Scissorhands?\" How about \"Hero?\" \"Soldier?\" \"Spy?\"The last three describe the recently revealed background of the most famous hairdresser, and hair products entrepreneur in the world, Vidal Sassoon. At age 17, while apprenticing for a hairdresser in London, life was happy for the young Jewish boy, until, after WWII, Oswald Mosley, founder of the British Union of Fascists was released from confinement, and again, stirred up virulent anti-Semitism. Saying \"Never again,\" Sassoon joined the paramilitary 43 Group that used organized violence to disrupt Mosley and his Blackshirts. Then, in 1948, he fought in the Israeli War of Independence. He wanted to remain in Israel, but his family's poverty forced him back to London and hairdressing, where he vowed to be the best he –could be. He succeeded. Sassoon amassed a 100 million dollar fortune, and funds the Vidal Sassoon Centre for the Study of Anti-Semitism and Xenophobia at the Hebrew University, Jerusalem. The lesson? Mamas, let your sons play with sharp instruments!HAVA NAGILA, BABYChristmas, 2007. Great Britain. Were Brits singing \"Silent Night?\" Nope. Try: \"Hava Nagila.\" Seventeen-year-old British pop singer, Lauren Rose, released the Jewish classic, which was probably written by Abraham Zvi Idelsohn at the end of WWI. \"Hava Nagila,\" (\"Let Us Rejoice\") was previously recorded by Bob Dylan, Neil Diamond, Harry Belafonte, and Julie Andrews among others. But none updated the lyrics to include refrains like: \"hava nagila, baby, let's dance.\" Oiy, Oy, kids today.YIDDISHE BASEBALL CARDS

We've all heard that old (ugh) joke: \"What's the world's ‘thinnest book?' Jewish athletes.\" Well, one frustrated Jewish baseball card collector wanted to change all that. In 1999, Martin Abramowitz wanted his set to include the \"gantseh\" all pro Jewish ball players. Sure, there's –Koufax, Greenberg, Green, Rosen, Yeager, and Lipman Pike the first Jew to play pro baseball in the 1870s. But Abramowitz found that many Hebrew Hitters like Phil Weintraub, Sid Gordon, Donald Fehr, Harry Danning, Larry Yellen, Norm and Larry Sherry, and Jose Bautista, weren't \"carded.\" So in 1993, Abramowitz unveiled the very first set of Jewish Baseball cards.Interestingly, he found that Jewish players historically have a higher collective batting average, and pitchers, a better win-loss record when compared with Gentile players. That doesn't include those Jewish athletes who opted out of baseball and decided to go into sports medicine instead.HISTORY'S SENSE OF HUMORUncle \"Adolph?\" The very thought could bring on a massive Eczema attack. It did and more, for at least some of Hitler's kin. William Patrick Hitler, a nephew of the fuehrer, spent his early years in England, then moved to the U.S. He's dead, but as of 2000, his three sons, Alex, Louis, and Brian were reportedly living in obscurity on Long Island, New York. They not only dropped the Hitler name, but made a pact never to marry or procreate keeping the world –\"racially pure\" of Uncle Adolph's evil DNA. Long Island's Jewish community however has experienced a population explosion in recent years. History has wonderful sense of irony, doesn't it?IT'S A MAD MAD MAD YIDDISHFrom its inception, the irreverent spoof mag, \"MAD,\" with its impressive stable of Jewish writers, made hysterical (if not subversive) use of fractured Yiddish and Yiddishisms. In addition to sprinkling their pages with words such as \"hoo-ha!\" and \"furshtunkener,\" a gem appeared in the premiere issue (1952) titled \"Ganefs (Thieves).\" The strip by Harvey Kurtzman and Bill Evans, that spoofed \"King Kong,\" had explorers asking the Ookabala-ponga natives, \"Vos machst du?\" (\"How're doing'?\"). A hit with junior America, \"MAD\" spread the Yiddish word. I wonder how many Iowa moms were \"famisht\" when they lovingly served pastrami on white, and their Beaver Cleavers cried, \"Bist meshugeh?!\"CHAI QJews are smart. But how smart is too smart? Appropriately enough, on April 1, 1898, William James Sidis, child prodigy, and perhaps the most brilliant human in history, was born to highly educated Russian Jewish immigrants. At 18 months, the boy genius could read The

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.New York Times, by eight, after mastering eight languages, he developed his own, \"Vendergood, then entered Harvard at eleven, and lectured at Harvard's Mathematical Club, at 12.So how come from him, there's no \"Sidis Theory of Black Holes?\" or \"The Sidis equation: E= (something)\"? The smartest human, may have also been the first slacker. In 1919, he did participate in a socialist May Day parade -- that turned into a riot. Daddy arranged for him to go to sanatorium instead of jail. Thereafter, he lived in relative solitude, writing (often under a pseudonym), original treatises on many subjects, including astrophysics, history, Native American studies, government, economics, and politics. He died at 46 of a cerebral hemorrhage. Perhaps the human brain, for now, isn't equipped to handle his IQ, estimated at between 250 and 300! So next time, papa says, \"Don't get smart with me,\" the dear man just wants to make sure you make a living and your head doesn't explode.–STAR OF DAVID: THE POWER OF TWO TRIANGLESA number of fact-hunters with keen powers of observation, have claimed that all 22 letters of the Hebrew Alphabet can be found and traced within the shape of the triangles in the Star of David. Try it! You might just make a fortune creating a new puzzle Jewdoku.–

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Yiddish_Curses_for_the_New_Millennium.htmlYiddish Curses for the New MillenniumOct 24, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyHe should grow like an onion with his head in the ground.We Jews have historically used our pisks instead of fists in dealing with others. If the old saw “words can kill” is accurate, we’ve refined the mission to: “maybe torture until your opponent, until his brain is farmisht and his tongue is hanging trying to best us.”In previous articles I’ve discussed the art of the Yiddish curse as prophecy (“May you …). As a child I heard my parents say: “Er zol vaksen vi a tsibeleh, mit dem kop in drerd.” I had no idea what it meant. All I knew was, when uttered, grown ups would gishrei (scream) or faint. Finally, when I was of legal age, my parents told me solemnly, “It means ‘He should grow like an ... onion with his head in the ground.’”The Yiddish curse has a baroque splendour in its intricate ability to prophesize.Wha …?! Now that’s raw Yiddish power! While Anglo-Saxon curses often deal with body parts, Catholic curses go for blasphemy, and the Middle and Far East do their version of “Yo Mama,” insultingancestors, the Yiddish curse has a baroquesplendour in its intricate ability to prophesize. The most spectacular lull the “victim” with a positive opening, which then turns into a juicy, literate, malediction that no mere obscene word could possibly convey. According to the Proverb: “A curse is not a telegram: it doesn’t arrive so fast.” Like Jewish caviar, the Jewish curse must be savored.But alas, as with far too much of our glorious heritage, JYAs (Jewish Young Adults) have lost the art. And why not? How many young Jews know from Czars, bedbugs, Mazurkas, Ukrainian regiments, tapeworms, trolley cars, delirium, outhouses, and “navel” onions?? So for you, my dear readers, I’m presenting the best Jewish Curses: old and new. I’ve written the New Jewish Curses that better “resonate” in the New Millenium. May you use them in good health, mein kind, and with noble purpose!Favorite Old Yiddish Curses

May you be a person of leisure, take a daily nap and may the lice in your shirt marry the –bedbugs in your mattress and may their offspring set up residence in your underwear.May you enjoy a good time with plenty of good Vodka and may your blood turn to whiskey, –so that 100 bedbugs get drunk on it and dance the mazurka in your belly button.May you get passage out of the old village safely, and when you settle, may you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer.May you be so enamored of good food that you turn into a blintz, and may your enemy turn into a cat, and may he eat you up and choke on you, so we can be rid of you both.May you have a hundred houses, and in every house a hundred rooms and in every room 20 beds, and may you come down with a delirious fever that drives you from bed to bed.May you turn into a centipede with ingrown toenails, may onions grow in your navel and may you lie in the earth and bake bagels.May your tapeworm develop constipation while trolley cars run through your intestine as thieves camp out in your belly and steal your guts one by one.May you eat chopped liver with onion, pickled herring, chicken soup with matzo balls,carp with horse radish, boiled beef with tsimmis, potato pancakes with applesauce -- and may you choke on every bite. ALT or may your wife eat matzoh in bed and may you roll in the crumbs.May your two sons grow up happy and strong. And may they become a doctor and a lawyer. And may each marry a wonderful women and have wealth. And may they each have many children and may they all name someone after you already!NEW Yiddish Curses For JYA’S in the New MillenniumMay your mother get you a fun new app that allows her to reach you more easily, and may you learn it also has a tracking device and “just knows” what you're up to, then repeats in her voice: “You're breaking my heart!”May the men in your family be blessed with luxurious hair that remains thick and curly well into their eighties, and may you be the only one to inherent great-zayde Yossel’s recessive gene for male pattern baldness which kicks in the day after your Bar Mitzvah!May you be approaching your 16 Birthday, and may you have been promised, your own car, th and may you have your heart set on that red 2012 MazdaSpeed Protege that revs to 170 mph on Craig’s List, and may your parents proudly hand you the keys to a 2002 beige Chrysler station wagon!

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.May you be texting on a Jewish social networking site and get the following message from Shaloma2: “DYHM” thinking it means “Do You 'Heart' Me” – and may you then learn Shaloma2 is your mother and “DYHM” stands for “Do Your Homework, Mamala!May you be a hot new Glatt Kosher chef, and may The Food Network challenge you to a televised Throwdown showdown, and may Irishman Bobby Flay beat you, in front of millions, with his gribenes!May it be Christmas Day, and while your gentile friends are eating ham, surrounded by red and green lights and holly boughs, sitting around a gezunta tree, opening presents, may the only Glatt Kosher Chinese restaurant within 50 miles be “closed for renovations!”May you write a series of brilliant proposals on your computer which will make you a young millionaire, and may your computer crash, but fortunately may you have backed-up with a fancy system your brother, the computer geek, installed -- and may you learn his brilliant system stopped functioning in 2010, as he was eager to get to his chess match!May you be a hard-working Jewish writer, and may you be studious, conscientious, and passionate in your work, and may you have wonderful readers who appreciate your humor, your research, and your dedication – and may every ethnic humor book publisher say, “too Jewish!”

https://www.aish.com/j/f/48960176.htmlYiddishe MammasDec 22, 2007by Marnie Winston-MacauleyAn excerpt from a book about Jewish mothers, and the jokes we tell about them.Like a good tsibeleh (onion) we Jews are a complex pastiche, layered with strands of oys running through the joys. We do know that suffering is involved. Imagine for a moment Jews without humor. We'd have jumped off that roof with the Fiddler.The Jewish joke is (obviously) about something Jewish and almost everything is fodder. It's democratic and yes, antiauthoritarian. Anyone, and anything, is treated with the same ironic wit.Jewish Mother: \"Hello, operator! Give me the manager from the fancy-dancy room service.\"Manager: \"Room Service.\"Jewish Mother: \"This is room 402, Mister Room Service. I vant to order breakfast.\" Manager: \"Certainly, madam. What would you like?\"Jewish Mother: \"For me, I vant a glass orange juice mit pits. The toast should be burned, and \"–Manager: \"Madam, I can't fill an order like that!\" Jewish Mother: \"Aha! You did yesterday!\"Jewish jokes often involve a canny, even convoluted or loony use of logic, irony, and surprise or the quick turn-around.

Sophie demanded of Hannah a pot which she claimed was never returned to her to make Sabbath dinner for her family.\"In the first place, I never took a pot from you!\" \"In the second place, it was an old pot!\"\"And in the third place, I gave it back to you in better condition than when I took it from you!\"The jokes we tell offer insight into how we see ourselves in society and in the world. It's been suggested that as outsiders, better to give ourselves a zetz (punch) first. Jews are in the unique position of having been persecuted, while feeling quite superior intellectually, which leads to humor over what we consider to be absurdities, unfairness, and pomposity.A rabbi in the hospital received a large vase of flowers with the following note: \"The congregation wishes you a full and speedy recovery by a vote of 212 to 74.\"–Attitudes and AttitudeJewish mothers have always been fodder for Jewish jokes. But, some feel that today, we've become a Jewish joke. And no matter how much truth there is in the ethno-type, many are still offended.A bus with 30 Hadassah Ladies turned over and were dispatched to heaven. Unfortunately the computers were down, so God had to ask Satan to provide temporary housing. Soon after, He received an urgent telephone call from Satan telling Him to take the women off his hands.\"What's the problem?\" asked God.Satan replied, \"Those Hadassah Ladies are ruining my whole set-up. Only two hours and already they raised $100,000 for an air conditioning system!\"Who's doing the telling makes a large difference to Jewish mothers, indeed most Jews. If a fellow Jew is the \"who\" we trust motive. If a non-Jew tells the same story, we get a shtikl (little) anxious. \"Why is he telling me this?\" we wonder. \"OK, it's because I'm Jewish and thought I'd find it funny but where did he hear it? From some anti-Semitic friend? Why ––does he know it?Personally, I've known very few non-Jews who actually tell a Jewish joke well. They lack the DNA to own it, tell it right, sell it, or even understand it because they lack a Yiddishe kop.Telling a Jewish joke is more than a set-up and punch line. It's an experience!So as my service to you, please enjoy the \"experience\" of some of my favorite Jewish jokes:

ASSISTANCERachel, Sheva and Rosalie visited their friend Gittel, mother of four, who was laid up with a bad back.\"Oy ... such a shame,\" exclaimed Rachel.\"I know,\" agreed Sheva. \"The pain, and now the operation ... such tsouris.\"\"Darling,\" said Rosalie. \"We'll pray for you every night!\" as the other women nodded. \"Every night, instead,\" said Gittel, \"wash my dishes. Praying I can do myself.\" BUSINESSSelma, Abie and their four children ran a dry goods store on the Lower East Side. Over forty years, they expanded and made a fortune so they decided to buy a department store Macy's. They toured the huge store with Mr. Macy himself. Afterward, Abie –wrote a check for the ten million down payment, when Selma tugged at his sleeve.\"Abie, don't buy!\" she whispered adamantly. \"Why not?\"\"You didn't notice? There's no apartment in the back!\"ENOUGHRivka tottered into a lawyer's office and told him she wanted a divorce. \"A divorce?\" asked the shocked lawyer. \"Tell me, how old are you?\" \"Ninety this July,\" answered Rivka.–\"Ninety! And how old is your husband?\" \"He's 92.\"\"And how long have you been married?\" he asked in disbelief. \"September will be 70 years.\"\"Children? \"Four. Gorgeous.\"Why would you want a divorce now?\" \"Because,\" said Rivka ... \"enough is enough.\" HINT

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Myrna and David dated five years, yet not once did David bring up the subject of marriage. Finally, Myrna's mama sat her down.\"Darling, I think you've waited long enough. The next time you're out, give him a little hint, OK, Mamala?\"The next Sunday, David took Myrna to their favorite Kosher Chinese Restaurant. As he read the menu, he casually asked her, \"So Myrna, how do you want your rice? White or fried?\"Without hesitating, Myrna looked up at him, and replied, \"Thrown.\"THE PRAYERA rabbi was talking to precocious six-year-old Mendel.\"So, you tell me that your mother says your prayers for you each night. That's very commendable. What does she actually say?\"Little Mendel replied, \"Thank God he's in bed!\"JEWISH SURVIVALA new flood was predicted and nothing could prevent it. In three days, the waters would wipe out the world.The Dalai Lama appeared on worldwide media and pleaded with humanity to follow Buddhist teachings to find nirvana in the wake of the disaster.The pope issued a similar message, saying, \"It is still not too late to accept Jesus as your Savior.\"The chief rabbi of Jerusalem took a slightly different approach: \"My people,\" he said, \"we have three days to learn how to live under water.\"You can buy Marnie's book by clicking here.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/You-Call-that-Funny.htmlYou Call that Funny?Jul 11, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyJewlarious is looking for contributors. Here are my 10 tips. Whether you want them or not.First, a little humility here. Mel Brooks I’m not. But I’ve had the great privilege and pleasure of writing for Jewlarious for some years now, along with other humor sites, so, for those of you out there who have said, thought, or been told: “You’re hysterical! You should write!” and want to give it a try, here are some pointers that might be, could be, helpful before you submit your work to our darling editor, who beneath that funny, tough exterior, is a funny tough judge. But I don’t mean to scare you.1.HUMOR IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. True, it’s not like developing a cure for polio (or for that matter, an allergy to gribenes), but writing funny is tougher than writing about say, “Places to Visit in Borneo.” The late funnyman Steve Allen once cited a study done of comics that found they had a significantly higher I.Q. than average. Think about it. Have you ever met a truly funny schnook who was –trying to be funny? Be prepared to take the work seriously.2. ARE YOU REALLY TRULY FUNNY? Just as we’re born with a nose, or a personality like Genghis Kahn, so are we born funny – or not. If one is an “or not”, don’t fret, you can still appreciate humor. My late husband for example, a Sr. Editor (The New York Times), had many skills. Humor wasn’t one of them. He told the same joke for 30 years – to the same people. Every Passover. It had to do with the Queen saying, why is this “knight” different from all other “knights?” Once I fainted when he started. He let me lay there … until the punchline.

3. HUMOR, WHAT ISN’T SO FUNNY. If your sense of humor is limited to two-liners (“Why is a Jewish mother like a Rottweiler?”) or you’re a pun nut (“Jewphoria is the way you feel when you realize Jew only live once”) you might consider a career in accounting. You may be a riot to your family, or at a Shul meeting with this shtick, but please mamalas, don’t give up the day job.4. WHAT IS FUNNY? Everyone has their own idea of what’s funny, but in general, truly funny people tend to be quirky. They notice, and their strange minds immediately pick up the humor or oddity. Instead of the doughnut, they think the person who said, “OY, Look! There’s a hole. Let’s sell it” is a genius. Even in unpleasant or neutral situations, they see the humor. I thought the sign on the Express aisle in the supermarket that read “ABOUT 15 items” was a riot. I am almost alone in that. Let me explain what went quickly through my mind: As no one pays attention to the number anyway, and wars have been started over “is 10 of the same thing ‘10’ or ‘1’?” the fact that the store “gave up” is to me, funny. The ability to look at everyday situations or habits and see the humor is a must, and made Seinfeld a fortune.5. ORIGINALITY/CREATIVITY. I have a friend who’s like a joke machine. He knows every old Jewish joke and tells them, over and over. I stare with a smile so frozen, I need a vat of Chap Stick and the Jaws of Life to feel my lips again. While few things are like discovering Black Holes, nevertheless, you’ve got to have a new angle, a different perspective. For example, Itook the DSM (psychological Disorder Manual) and turned it Jewish. Others have written brilliant satire. The point is, ask yourself (and this is for you, my late husband), “Why is this article different from all the other articles on the same topic?”6. MAKE A POINT WORTH MAKING SIMPLY. –Sure, jokes can be funny, and believe me, after writing scores of Jewish joke calendars, I’ve heard them all. Writing a funny article requires a point. We all do it differently. Personally, I get an idea and ask myself can this be expanded? For example. I’m fascinated by why there are more pinks than whites in Good & Plenty. I tell you, there are 33 pieces, and probably 25 are white. Why?! To me this is sort of funny. Even MORE funny is why I care. But is this an article I ask you? Not yet. On the other hand, Advice from a Meshuggah Jewish Mom is a concept. You can list examples, and from this get 1,000 words. You heard 1,000 words? Simple is harder but better. Don’t over write or become so in love with your brilliant metaphors that only you know what you’re saying. When I first starting writing for “As the World Turns,” I got a call from my boss, the late, constantly fascinating Doug Marland – at 7 am on a Sunday. He said: “Turn to Margo’s scene, Act A.” I did. I had written a metaphor so deep, so complex, so long, it made Hemingway look like a jingle writer. He then said: “Our audience is ironing. By the time they figure out what the heck Margo’s saying, we’ll be into ‘Guiding Light.’” I never did that again.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.7. KNOW WHO YOU’RE WRITING FOR. Let me actually bring you into the process. Right now I’m considering a piece on stupid anti-Semitic beliefs we only wish were true. I haven’t yet decided. Here’s why. AISH/Jewlarious is a fairly conservative Jewish site. Even though I’d be making fun of idiocy, I am asking myself, “Is this OK for the site?” Each outlet has its own policies and tone. Know you’re audience.8. RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. Even in humor, know thy facts. Trust me, one little mistake and your readers will be all over you. In fact, if you research and something doesn’t feel right … keep checking. I do thorough research, yet in one of my books I referred to “the late” Calvin Trillin. He was and is very much alive. OY VEY. Why? I misheard a newscast. I called and told him: “Mr. Trillin … I am SO sorry … but I killed you.” Then explained. The feisty, brilliant curmudgeon’s answer? “I’ve been called worse.” DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.9. FIND YOUR COMIC VOICE. Every writer, artist, actor, musician, has a “voice” – a distinctive style that is them. It takes a while to find your own, but do look at the writers you like and admire. Take notes. I did. As you continue to write, trust yourself more, and put more “you” into it. On Jewlarious we have some terrific writers, each with their own voice. I suggest you read them all.10. CAN YOU “WRITE” FUNNY? You may be a true riot in person. But can you –write it funny? This has a lot to do with instinct and timing. Ever hear a person tell a good joke, bad? Oy. As my friend Jackie Mason once told me: “A wrong word, an out of place word can ruin the whole piece.” He’s right. Ditto with logic. You’re building something. If there’s no order it’s like taking a wrong turn and you’ve detoured into oblivion, leaving your readers asking “Wha…? Where’d she go?”I’ll leave you with this bit of advice from my late husband. “A writer is someone who gets paid to write.” Simple. If you’ve sent your pieces to 30 humor sites over and over and don’t get a nibble, find your true passion and bask in the appreciation. You get a nibble? Someone might give you even a penny a word? Mazel tov. You’re on your way!Submissions to Jewlarious can be sent to: [email protected]

https://www.aish.com/ho/p/Zachor-We-Will-Never-Forget.htmlZachor: We Will Never ForgetApr 21, 2014by Marnie Winston-MacauleyBen Lesser a Holocaust survivor, on living a life that matters.Spry and handsome, Ben Lesser walks in looking much younger than his 85 years; a successful businessman who was blessed with a lucky life, perhaps even an easy one.Then you listen. And if you look carefully at his eyes, there is a place behind them … a place where we put those parts of our lives that can’t be fully expressed in words or even tears.Born in Krakow, Poland in 1928, one of five children, Ben Lesser went through and survived four concentration camps including Auschwitz-Birkenau, Buchenwald, Durnau, the Nazi Death March, and the loss of virtually his whole family. Ben arrived in Brooklyn, New York in 1947 to reunite with his only surviving family member, his sister, Lola. Grief and horror of this magnitude goes to “that” place. It will always be there. But according to Ben wehave the God-given choice to use that place for good, or let it use us for hatred, fear, and incapacity.Ben after the warIt is estimated there are only 350,000 Holocaust survivors remaining. The oldest, Alice Herz- Sommer, featured in the Oscar-nominated documentary The Lady in Number 6 passed away in late February at the age of 110. Thanks to many organizations, books, documentaries and films in Israel and worldwide, the stories, the names where possible, the feelings, the lives of victims and helpers have been duly recorded, and recognized.

At 85, Ben is one of the younger survivors and has his own story to tell not just of the –experience – but of “living a life that matters,” which is the title of his book that inspires determination, courage, tolerance, and survival during the darkest days the human mind and soul can imagine.After a successful business, a long, blissful marriage blessed with two beautiful children, “that place” within him where these atrocitiesBen at his sister’s weddingare felt, urged him to share his story, especially with young people, teachers and students. When he received a pin from a local Holocaust Survivors group with the Hebrew letters for Zachor (\"Remember\") he wore it during his talks. Suddenly he was inspired to offer pins to his audience. The response was tremendous and Zachor, the non-profit organization was officially born in 2009 to insure the story is told and the lessons of morality, tolerance, understanding and peace are taught.Zachor is supported by donations, and in part, a grant from the Jewish Federation of Las Vegas. Ben created another ingenious way to help his mission: Papa Ben’s Mandelbroyt (a bit similar to biscotti for the unfamiliar.) Ben’s father, Lazar owned a chocolate company famous for their chocolate covered wafers. Lazar shared his love of baking with his son, and during family holidays they made mandelbroyt, which became a special family tradition. Kosher, natural and in a variety of flavors, Papa Ben’s Mandelbroyt is simply the most mouth-watering treat one can imagine. You can now buy it in selected upscale markets in California, such as whole foods, as well as on the website.Papa Ben is busy. He’s busy with talking, writing, and mandelbroyt. Fortunately, his mission has extended to the second and soon third generation as his deeply loving wife, two children, son in-law and grandchildren are also at the helm and at his side, looking to the future.I recently asked Ben for a personal interview for Aish.com and he was graciously eager to do so.