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Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.she has at least 20 people guarding the kinder, so they shouldn’t scrape a knee, or swallow a royal jewel. Better, she doesn’t have to shvitz over entrance exams. Heaven forbid, they’re not Einsteins, at least they have a nice family business in which they’ll make a living.JPP8: Get Jewishly Organized: Properly organize and divide your soy sauce, ketchup, mustard, salt and pepper packets. Even the greatest balaboste I ever knew, my mother, once in a while reached into the soy baggie and put ketchup on her kosher egg roll. This is not good.JPP9: Be Jewishly Thrifty and Nifty: Look for nifty Jewishy gifts for the New Year or Hanukkah on Ebay. Best to start now before the season. Just yesterday look at what I found –and bought:1. Connie Francis Sings Jewish Favourites Original Vinyl Lp UK $1.56–2. Schmelvis: Searching for the King's Jewish Roots (DVD, 2007) $10.993. Moses Action Figure 10.99They also had: Henry Winkler The Fonz Happy Days Autographed Signed Celebrity Baseball$150.00. (Now this is meshuggah.)JJP10: Show caring! Ask every Jew you know: “How are you?”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/48944676.htmlJewfro DiariesDec 6, 2008by Marnie Winston-MacauleyH o w lIe r eand t lo o evm y c r az yJ ew i sh ha i r .Everyone has a bad hair day.Through a quirk of heredity (and several thousand years of Jewish in-breeding) I was doomed to a bad hair life.It started hopefully enough. I was born bald. But soon, little spirals appeared, which quickly sprouted into Brillo. \"I can't get a comb through it,\" chirped Mom-the-optimist. With visions of an aging Shirley Temple dancing in her head, she thought those coils could qualify me to sing On the Good Ship, Lollypop. But finally even she had to face it. Without the voice, the face, the talent, Shirley would've been just another kid with kink. In other words, me.Through a quirk of heredity was I doomed to a bad hair lifeIn the 1920's, excessive curl was \"allowed.\"Given my mazel, I grew up in the fifties, where I'm sure the infamous \"blacklisting\" extended to any person \"reported\" to having a hint of \"kink.\"High school was worse. Any human who couldn't torture her hair into bangs and a bubble was relegated to \"Jimmy-the-geek's\" table in the lunchroom. I spent three years choking down my tuna next to one kid whose nose was like the Trevi fountain, two mouth dribblers, and five other similarly hair-challenged sisters: Marci and Miriam Cohen, Shana Marcus, Angela Palmieri, and Tawanda Washington. The school told us we needed two more to start a support \"club.\"So, I gathered up my pluck and tried. No. I mean I really really tried. If I add it up, I spent more time \"trying\" than I spent finding a husband, building a career, and working for world peace. I went through more gelt, and used more \"weapons\" in the Holy Hair War than theU.S. spent seeking WMDs.I used way more effort \"training\" my locks, than training my brain. Was this to be my life's work?

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: \"So Marnie, in planning colleges, what job do you see yourself doing in five years?\"ME: \"Umm ... Hair De-frizzer?\"Every week, my poor father asked me the same two questions. \"What did you do this week in school?\" and \"What did you do with my toothpaste?!\"\"Uh ... the fridge, daddy,\" I'd say. Why?Because every week our medicine cabinet was exploding with yet new \"stuff\" -- \"Frizz Zapper\" \"Out Curl Out!,\" \"Tough On Tangles,\" \"Fifty Minute Manager\" and \"Miracle Cure\" containing ingredients like yak urine and rhinoceros placenta--not to mention blow dryers capable of hurling Toto back to Oz.I went to hairdressers who clucked, gave me diagnoses that would make Dr. Kevorkian shudder, then lopped (or \"layered\") my tresses like a tumor, murmuring words like \"hopeless,\" and \"last resort.\"I ripped-off empty beer cans from trash bins to use as rollers, ironed my locks (\"cotton: high\"), slept with enough barbed wire to keep illegal aliens from slipping through the entire Canadian border, applied chemicals, perfect for warfare (which caused half my frizz to decorate my sheets), and single-handedly turned the World of Wigs into a Fortune 500 company.Until the barometer climbed to \"five\" and, like wayward macaroni \"soldiers,\" my strands would break training, revolt, and go \"Boing!\"Ah! But then came the glorious sixties and seventies!But then came the glorious sixties and seventies!We wore love beads, cried \"Peace!\" and we \"corkscrew kids\" marched with our African- American sisters and signed treaties with our tresses. Free at last!Suddenly, my evil \"Frizz\" became the fashion. And it even had a name - A Jewfro!Oh, the joy when our modern queen, Barbra, boinged back to \"The Way (She) ‘Was'\" at film's end,My time had come! Hallelujah!From \"hair-challenged,\" I was \"in,\" \"trendy,\" \"cool,\" And now, my old critics were saying in wonderment: \"Is that natural ...?\"

\"Would I do this to myself on purpose?!\" I replied, in shock. (Old neuroses die hard.) \"Do you know how lucky you are?\" they added, launching into a blow-by-blow of all the fortunes and hours they spent on perms, hot rollers, \"Curl Is Me\" and \"Limp No More\" gels, mousses, and glop.\"Yes!\" I thought. Now it's your turn to spray and shpritz! Your turn to get migraines from wiglets, and scalp burn that rivals Three Mile Island, so you can \"look like everybody else!\"But, as with most things in life, the winds of change blew yet again.Starting in the 1980s, mini skirts morphed back to sleek designer dresses, and Fros, to sleek designer tresses. (Even our Barbra went \"straight.\")Well, I did have a 10-year ride, which, for us Jews, is a lifetime. What to do? Wait...I thought. Am I not the daughter of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah? Bold, Brave, and Courageous? A unique blend of matzoh and chutzpah?!Had my 10-year reprieve taught me nothing? That my kink, gave me quirk? My frizz, zest? My \"coils,\" confidence?Should I not be like the wandering Jew (the plant ... and us)? A hardy bloom that thrives and grows in shade or sun, is sometimes out of bounds, but wildly colorful, with strong roots -- and \"beautiful\" with just a little trim?That was it! I donated my glops, gels, pastes, and sheep intestines to medical science, recycled my 2,000 beer cans, shredded my wigs, and, along with my Mega curling irons and Mazi blowers, shipped them to a very cold third world nation.Now I stand short, loud, frizzy, and proud, singing the sixties showstopper \"I Gotta Be Me\" that became a hit for (who else?) Sammy Davis Jr.After a battle that's lasted a lifetime, my Jewfro and I are now one.DISCLAIMER: The author wishes to state that the above is not meant to imply that all Jews have frizz, or that only Jews have frizz. Nor is it meant to perpetuate any \"stereotypes\" of the Jewish people, as some studies suggest there is no ethnic truth to the stereotype. (But go tell that to half the Jewish girls I know, not to mention, Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan, Howard Stern, Gene Wilder, and Albert EinsteinHOLIDAY ALERT: Consider Marnie Winston-Macauley's, A Little Joy, A Little Oy 2009 Calendar, and Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother.\"Both can be found in find bookstores, Amazon, and other online outlets.

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https://www.aish.com/j/f/Jewish-Celebrities-who-Served-in-World-War-II.htmlJewish Celebrities who Served in World War IIMay 24, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyIn ho or onfMe ormia l D a y , w ea c k no e e ew ld gJw i s hc leeb i ir e tsw ho er esv din World War II.We’re coming to the end of an era. When I was young, WWll (1939 to 1945) was a fairly recent event, not quite yet “history.” The men and women who survived in defense of the Allies had come home. I remember that the vast majority, even those who suffered greatly, were proud, optimistic, and eager to create families, careers, and make America, now a super- power, a beacon of democracy and goodwill for the world to follow.Three things stood out in my young memory. The first … how these young families helped each other without question. Most had seen the ravages of war, and now prized peace among neighbors. The second was one neighbor who had lost an arm. As a young child, curious if not tactful, I asked him about it. He said “I lost it defending our country, Marnie. And this was a small price to pay.” The third was my late father who was many times decorated and served for over four years in the Pacific Theater, also as a Merrill’s Marauder, body guard to Lord Mountbatten, and with the Military Police. He often told “war” stories … from the hysterically funny, to the profound, to the tragic. One thing he didn’t do, until he was on his deathbed. He never called anyone “buddy.” He loved many and used words of love, but “buddy,” I learned, was reserved for his Army buddies, when he saw them through the years. I also noticed a special look they had when they met. It was indescribable, a comradery that could never quite be duplicated. (On his deathbed, he called my late husband “buddy.”)

Today, WWll, is “history” to our young people who didn’t often know the people, the feel of it, the sense of the times. And, as we lose more and more heroes of the Second World War, I was compelled to write a little about those men and women, known to us in a very different way, who served the allied cause. You may be surprised. Some are still with us, more are not.We honor those who are gone, and are deeply grateful for those who are with us today.1. Mel Brooks: Melvin James Kaminsky, born in 1926, is a legendary, multi-award- winning American film director, screenwriter, comedian, actor, producer, composer, and songwriter.\"I was a Combat Engineer. Isn’t that ridiculous? The two things I hate most in the world are combat and engineering.\" Mel Brooks–While attending Brooklyn College working on a degree in psychology, he was drafted, serving as a corporal in the 1104 Engineer Combat Battalion, 78th Infantry Division as a combat engineer. He diffused land mines, and fought in the Battle of the Bulge. It has been reported that when the Germans played propaganda recordings over loudspeakers, Brooks set up his own sound system mimicking Jewish Al Jolson singing \"Toot Toot Tootsie.\" In typical humor, when asked about that time, he said: \"War isn’t hell... War is loud. Much too noisy. All those shells and bombs going off all around you. Never mind death. A man could lose his hearing.\"2. Beatrice Arthur: Bernice Frankel born in 1922 and died in 2009, was an amazing, enterprising, everything but tranquilizing, star of television (“Maude” and “The Golden Girls”) and theater.She enlisted in the Marines in 1943 where she spent two and half years as one of the first members of the Women’s Reserve. She started basic training in March, 1943, was assigned to be a typist in Washington D.C. During the next two years, she was transferred to Marine and Navy air stations in Virginia and North Carolina. She reached the rank of staff sergeant upon being honorably discharged in 1945. Note: For reasons unknown, she didn’t discuss or acknowledge her military background.3. Peter Falk: Peter Michael Falk, born in 1927 and died in 2011, was a top TV star, with memorable films to his credit as well. He made history with his brilliant portrayal as the never-to-be-underestimated, Lt. Columbo. In 1996, TV Guide ranked Falk number 21 on its 50 Greatest TV Stars of All Time list.Falk fans know that as a result of a tumor at age three, he wore a glass eye throughout his life, which makes his War contribution, typically “Falkian.” Never afraid to step up, he tried to join the Marines, and even got as far as passing his first eye test, using “creativity.” A second

round rousted him out. Undaunted, several months later he joined the Merchant Marines as a cook. NOTE: He also tried to join the Israeli Irgun. The man was a definite mensch.4. Kirk Douglas: Issur Danielovitch, born in 1916, is the epitome of the great American actor, producer, director, and author. Not only did the superstar appear/star in 90 films, he was active in ending the Hollywood blacklist in 1960.He enlisted in the Navy in 1941, reaching the rank of Lieutenant. Despite his imperfect eyesight, he was a Communications Officer in antisubmarine warfare in the Pacific Theater. He received a medical discharge for war injuries in 1944. He is still haunted by these war images and has frequently expressed the true horrors of war vs. conscience, and that ultimately it’s about killing.5.Don Rickles: Donald Jay Rickles, born in 1926, is a comedy legend who turned “the insult” into not only a comedic form, but a source of pride and hysterical laughter from victims including the most celebrated.–The “Merchant of Venom” who gets away with it, because of both his talent – and his underlying love-ability, enlisted in the U.S Navy on Destroyer Duty. He was honorably discharged in 1946. With typical humor, he describes one deployment as follows: \"It was so hot and humid, the crew rotted.\"6. Carl Reiner: The Master of all crafts funny, the legendary creator, producer, director, writer, was born in 1922, and still going strong, wondering if there’s a future with “Elka” (Betty White, “Hot in Cleveland”)In 1942, he entered the army, and received training as a radio operator. He also studied French on the way to becoming an interpreter. He served in the Signal Corps. Ah, but on route to Iwo Jima, he was assigned to Maurice Evans’ Entertainment Unit, where he toured the South Pacific as a comic for almost two years.7. Henry Alfred Kissinger: The much decorated diplomat, high U.S. government official and political scientist was born Heinz Alfred Kissinger in Bavaria in 1923. Among his many roles, he was a Former, and one of the best known Secretary of State’s in U.S. history under both President Nixon and Ford. He received the Nobel Peace in 1973, and remains a force in high-level U.S. politics.After escaping the Nazi scourge at age 15, he underwent basic training in South Carolina. He became a naturalized citizen at age of 20. Ultimately, he was assigned to the 84th Infantry Division where, given his knowledge of German, Kissinger worked in the military intelligence division, where he saw both combat and dangerous intelligence work during the Battle of the

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Bulge. His assignment included tracking down Gestapo officers for which he earned the Bronze Star. At war’s end, in 1945, Kissinger was in charge of de-Nazification of the Bergstrasse district of Hesse.\"I look back at those years with great pride. World War II was a war without any moral ambiguity.\" Henry Kissinger.–Other Jewish celebrities who served during The Second World WarMartin Balsam (1919-1996): Jeff Chandler (1918-1961): Tony Curtis (1925-2010): Norman Fell (1924-1998): Lorne Greene (1915-1987): Shecky Greene born 1926: Buddy Hackett (1924-2003): Harvey Korman born 1927: Jack Klugman (1922-2012): Walter Matthau (1920-2000): Tony Randall (1920-2004): Soupy Sales (1926-2009): Larry Storch born 1923: Mike Wallace (1918-2012): Eli Wallach (1915-2014): Judge Joseph Wapner born 1919: Ephraim Zimbalist (1918-2014).

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish_Empty_Nesters.htmlJewish Empty NestersDec 10, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyYou know you're one when…Okay, yes. Our son “moved out” which officially makes us “empty nesters.” Am I thrilled? Running to Boca in my newfound freedom? Feh! Can my son take care of himself properly? Wash? Eat right? Brush his teeth regularly? Get enough fiber without me? Of course not. You know it, I know it. Only “they” don’t know it.So for all you Jewish parents out there going through the same trauma, I’ve crafted the list below. If I missed a few, feel free to add in your own in the comments section below.You Know You’re a Jewish Empty Nester When You:make doctors’ appointments on their behalf for regular “mole” inspections, even though you still can’t find your Medic Alert bracelet.have a full pantry of Oreos, U-Bet chocolate syrup, Twizzlers, jawbreakers, and Dum Dums, even if you have diabetes (G-d forbid).send them articles about people who were murdered on a deserted road in Great Britain, indicating what can happen when one moves away from home. Hey, if it can happen to a Mildred in Ravenstonedale, England, it can happen to your Miriam in Riverdale, New York.can’t bring yourself to cancel Netflix, the Platinum TV package, or that fancy Internet provider, even if the last film you saw was Schindler’s List, you think MTV is a “shanda,” and “SPAM” is treif chazzerai.make a key to their apartment, do their laundry, leave 10 bags of groceries and a –cooked flanken on their stove -- as a surprise. Hey, with them gone, there’s nothing to vacuum and why bother making from “scratch” for just two?

have them on speed dial, along with their friends, the fire and police departments, local Emergency Rooms, the National Guard -- and you can’t remember your own number!freeze “ready to go” doggie bags of brisket, knishes, kasha varnishkes, borscht, strudel, matzo balls, kreplach, and soup just in case they stop by and want a nosh.–leave weather messages on your children’s answering devices if it’s \"coolish,” “wettish,” or “warmish” – anywhere. For example: “Mamala, button up your neck. I heard the wind chill in the Rockies is going below zero” – and they live in Brooklyn Heights. You, however, leave your thermostat on “pneumonia” so those chazzers at the power company can’t rob you blind.call their teachers and anyone who they ever dated … just to “shmooze.” Make sure they know your daughter is still “available.” G-d only knows what will happen to her if you don’t intervene.E-mail or when you use your key, leave little reminder notes, tips, and affirmations, such as “Life is one big tsimmis,” “Your dad and I aren’t getting any younger,” “Call so we know you’re not lying in the street somewhere,” “One sneeze could lead to double pneumonia,” “Did you know a Sukkah could be turned into a bomb shelter?”keep their room(s) just as they left them, hang up their toddler clothes, and continue to buy ties and sweaters they hate – for when they finally “mature” and know what’s good for them.comment on how thin, tired, farklempt, they look when they visit, to gently “suggest” such wasn’t the case when they lived at home – with you.sign them up for the Fruit of the Month Club to make sure they’re eating healthy, even if your primary fruit group is prunes.slip them a few dollars when they visit, saying “Sha …” even while your husband has taken from his pension fund to pay for Medicare supplemental.ask them if they’re still “Jewish” since they’ve moved away, and insist on proof, such as attendance with you at the shul on Shabbos or reciting his bar mitzvah haftorah.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.blow-up your son’s Bar Mitzvah photo to wall size, and put it over the sofa in the living room, replacing your framed Chagall poster.listen to the cast recording of Sunise, Sunset every night, while drowning yourself in Manischewitz.warn them they’ll swallow their iPods accidentally without your supervision. After all, look at all those small pieces!Should any of the above happen to you … I suggest you adopt a third-world child by mail. Maybe in Biafra, you’ll get the appreciation you deserve!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish-Feng-Shui.htmlJewish Feng ShuiJul 20, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyL ot u sT o ut s s.vJ ew i sh To u ts.My dear readers have already gleaned that for a reasonably bright woman, I get confused a lot, especially by nouveau trending I don’t know from, care about … or makes my poor Yiddish keppie fling like the kid in The Exorcist.“Irving, you never tried a bok choy blintz?!”First, there’s faux painting. A little Jewish hall nook has to pretend to be a pompous bas relief of a Chagall Window? Feh! Put in a planter!Then there’s chipotle. Not only don’t I know what itis, who can pronounce it except Gordon Ramsey? Yet, suddenly the world has gone to “chi- pot-le.” With all that We Jews have endured to survive starvation have you ever once heard: “Oyyyy, what I’d give for a little chipotle on this cabbage?” Fusion’s another. Like faux painting it’s faux food. “Irving, you never tried a bok choy blintz?!”Today Feng Shui is raging hot … or cold. Or a balanced tepid. We’re feng shui-ing our personalities, our lives, our homes, our offices, our pets. God forbid our chakras are stuffed, we’re “wood” living like water, our yin is yanged, our chi poops out, or we fail to Facebook happy lotus touts around the world we’ll be so unbalanced we’ll need to harness ourselves to a pulley not to plop.That’s not to say I don’t respect the intention of a 4,000 year old Chinese concept of wind and water, energy magnets and positive vibes created to promote spiritual harmony. But maybe, just maybe we Westerners have gone a little overboard?Well, in service of you, my dear readers, I did a little research to get to the bottom of this Feng Shui business to find out of it is …well…. Jewishy?Are MOTs meant to live:without our piles of important papers, pictures, napkins, soy sauce packets and 200 photos of ultrasounds decorating our living rooms?

in perfect harmony with our children and machatanim, neighbors, doctors, and accountants –when we know better?looking at our cellulite in LED lighted, airy bathrooms?! From this we get chi? (Energy?) No. From this we get anti-depressants.worrying about aligning seven meshugge chakras, including a third eye? Not only do we have our own 4000 year-old “Chachmas” (Wisdom), show me one Jewish mother without five eyes including those in the bac–k of her head who “knows” what her loved ones are doing, 2,000 miles away … inside Area 54.When he mentions rice, tell him you want it thrown. You’re not getting any younger.More, Feng Shui involves something called “Lotus Touts.” What’s a “tout?” Who knows? But many feng shui-ers think they bring good luck. The following has allegedly been sent around the world 10 timesfrom Anthony Robbins. You have only six minutes tobug others with it or all the luck will strain like shmaltz from your chicken soup. Since even I can’t write Jewish vs. Lotus touts in six minutes, I’m doubling my insurance. So I’ve chosen to give you a sampling of ……….10 LOTUS TOUTS VS. JEWISH TOUTSLotus tout: Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.Jewish tout: Give people more than they expect cheerfully and they’ll move in.Lotus tout: Be engaged at least six months before you get married.Jewish tout: When he mentions rice, tell him you want it thrown. You’re not getting any younger.Lotus tout: Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.Jewish tout: Except the money they didn’t invest in the luftmensch’s dream involving toilet seats that sing “you’ve gained a few” in Yiddish.Lotus tout: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.Jewish tout: Prophesizing, however is another matter, such as: “Even though we both know you’re wrong may you enjoy sharing your victory on Facebook – until they all Unfriend you.”Lotus tout: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”Jewish tout: And the family will take up a collection to send you to a private Swiss clinic specializing in Identity Disorder.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Lotus tout: When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.Jewish tout: When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ roll your eyes. You and I both know they not only owe you an apology, but a place in their will.Lotus tout: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.Jewish tout: And you’ll wind up talking for an hour to a Kurdish rep from Stop Scam, who, for $500 a month can get you off cold call lists – and, with 5,000 “sharing partners” will follow up with daily e-mails.Lotus tout: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.Jewish tout: Unless: your brother-in-law, the yutz real estate broker insisted you to invest your savings in rental homes in 2005. A little family good news? He owned them.–Lotus tout: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.Jewish tout: If you’re not hurt, ignored, unappreciated, chances are you’re not loving passionately enough.Lotus tout: Spend some time alone.Jewish tout: Follow this Gentile’s Lotus Touts and believe me, you’ll be spending a lot of time alone!So mamalas, if you wish to de-clutter a little, I say “fine!” Go. Do. But trust me. Rent a huge storage unit for the next great trend: Vintage Vilna!

https://www.aish.com/j/f/Jewish-Firsts-2.htmlJewish Firsts 2Feb 22, 2014by Marnie Winston-MacauleyJewish firsts and ground breaking Jews.In Part One we looked at a sampling of Jews who not only gave to the world, but were recognized by the world in areas where Jews had not tread prior. In this series we look at those Jews who were “the first” among us to hold a position or be in one that broke ground for all Jews.The most important experiment that did not workAlbert Abraham Michelson: “The Most Important Experiment That Did Not Work in the Whole History of Science”This was how writer Isaac Asimov referred to the Michelson Morley –experiment, using rays of light to determine the extent of the “ether” – and proved no such substance was floating around. It was perhaps the most significant negative experiment in history. The results were paradoxical. Evidently, the speed of light plus any other added velocity was still equal only to the speed of light. To explain it, physics had to be recast, which resulted, eventually, in Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity in 1905. Michelson’s work helped begin the tale of atomic research. The Prussian scientist, born in 1882, came to America as a boy, became the first Jewish American scientist to be awarded the Nobel Prize in 1907 (Physics) for accurately –measuring the speed of light.First Female Jewish Supreme Court Justice

When Ruth Bader Ginsburg was sworn in as the 107th justice to the United States Supreme Court in 1993, she became the second woman to sit on the court and the first female Jewish Justice. Having felt the sting of discrimination, her body of legal work reflected her on going –mission to open up doors for all people. Ginsburg embarked on an academic career at Rutgers University, then at Columbia, where she became the first woman to be tenured on the law faculty. Ginsburg was also co director of the ACLU's Women's Rights Project. She –worked extensively on sex discrimination cases, especially those relating to employment, –arguing and establishing that Constitutional protections should apply to women. She married Martin Ginsburg, a well known tax lawyer and professor, in 1954. They have two children, –one of whom is a law professor at Columbia.The Seixas, A Family Of MenshenRabbi Gershom Mendes Seixas, (1745 1816): In late August, 1776, when news came that –the British were approaching New York, the Rabbi of Congregation Shearith Israel closed the synagogue and safeguarded its ceremonial objects, displayed to this day. He was also ...*the first native born Jewish clergy in the U.S.–*the first non Episcopalian to serve as a trustee of Columbia University (1787 to 1815).–*one of 14 clergymen who participated in Washington's first inaugural (1787)But that’s not all. His brother, Benjamin Mendes (1748 1817), was one of the founders of –the New York Stock Exchange and his son, David, established the Deaf and Dumb Institute in Philadelphia and was among the first to discover efficient ways of burning anthracite coal.Mama loshen: –Isaac Bashevis SingerThe high honor bestowed upon me by the Swedish Academy is also a recognition of the Yiddish language a language of exile, without a land, without frontiers, not supported by any –government, a language which possesses no words for weapons, ammunition, military exercises, war tactics; ... What the great religions preached, the Yiddish speaking people of the ghettos –practiced .... They were the people of the Book in the truest sense of the word.This is an excerpt from Isaac Bashevis Singer’s acceptance speech – in English and Yiddish –upon being the first Yiddish author to receive the Nobel Prize for Literature (1978). Singer was (probably) born on November 21, 1902. He came to America in 1935, and died on July 24, 1991.They Left Their StampThe only Jew (the author could find) to appear on a stamp issued by an Arab country was Dr. Philip Blaiberg, who was Dr. Christiaan Barnard’s second heart transplant patient. Dr. Blaiberg, a Jew, and Dr. Barnard were both portrayed on a stamp issued by the Yemen Arab republic on

January 10, 1969. For the record, Dr. Barnard’s first heart transplant patient (1967), Louis Washkansky, was also Jewish.Aloha LingleLinda Lingle, elected 6 governor of Hawaii from 2002 until 2010 was the first female th governor of Hawaii (Republican); first Jewish governor of Hawaii; first county mayor elected governor of Hawaii despite the fact that Jews comprise less than one percent of Aloha State. Prior to her gubernatorial administration, Lingle served as Maui County mayor, council member, and chair of the Hawaii Republican Party. In May 2004 Lingle led a delegation to Israel, paid for by the Israeli Government. In 2008, President George W. Bush appointed her to serve on the Honorary Delegation to accompany him to Jerusalem for the celebration of the 60th anniversary of the State of Israel. Lingle has said that her Jewish heritage helped her career by giving her a better understanding of diversity. Today Lingle is active in the Republican Jewish Coalition, serving as a speaker at events and otherwise using her role as the only Jewish Republican US governor.Sir HenryThe first Jew appointed U.S. Secretary of State in 1973, and the first American Jew to win the Nobel Peace Prize that same year, is also a Knight! On June 20, 1995, Queen Elizabeth II knighted Henry Kissinger for his contribution toward Anglo American relations. As an –American he does not get the title “Sir,” however he may add “KC” (Knight Commander) after his name.Famous Firsts Plus TzedakaOn December 2, 1735, the first white child and first Jew born in Savannah, Georgia was Mordecai Sheftall. A philanthropist, Sheftall helped found the Union Society which brought together Protestants, Catholics and Jews to promote social welfare. A revolutionary, he was appointed Commissioner General of Purchases and Issues of the Georgia and South Carolina militias and at times used personal funds for provisions. Captured by the British twice, he was released in a prisoner exchange and died on this date in 1797. Tourists can still see the old Jewish cemetery in Savannah Sheftall donated in 1773.More Famous U.S. Jewish Firsts: Quickies ...Navy Captain: Uriah P. Levy, served with distinction in War of 1812, advanced March 1844.Naval Chaplain: Rabbi David Goldberg, appointed lieutenant junior grade, October 30, 1917.Postage Stamp: Samuel Gompers on 3 cent stamp issued January 27, 1950.–Prayer book: Published, 1766 by John Holt in New York.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Pulitzer Prize for reporting: Herbert Bayard Swope (New York World), June 4, 1917Rabbi to lead the opening prayer for a session of Congress: Rabbi Morris Raphael, 1860Senator: David Levy Yulee, 7/1 1845 3/3, 1851; 3/5 1855 1/21, 1861, in Florida––West Point Woman Graduate: Donna Maller, June 4, 1980.

https://www.aish.com/j/f/Jewish-Firsts.htmlJewish FirstsFeb 8, 2014by Marnie Winston-MacauleyJewish firsts or ground-breaking Jews.We Jews came, we saw, we did. Throughout our remarkable history, most of us know we’ve given the world gifts way beyond our numbers in the form of medical breakthroughs, science, literature, entertainment, and inventions. Einstein, Baruch, Louis B. Meyer, Jonas Salk, Albert Sabin, Levi Strauss, Sigmund Freud, Edwin Land! Great names all. They got there/did that, first. Then they named it, and claimed it.Then there’s another kind of first. The first Jew “who!” Not only did these Jews excel, despite prejudice, wandering, running, they managed to “break through” and become the first Jew to be recognized by the public for his/her contribution.Lionel Nathan Rothschild was the first Jewish member of the British House of Commons.Here’s a sampling.Uncommon Men ... The RothschildsLionel Nathan Rothschild (1808-1879), son of Nathan Mayer and grandson of German financier Mayer Amschel Rothschild (1743-1812), became the first Jewish member of the British House of Commons. Yet, despite his election several times, he did not assume his seat for 11 years until Parliament let him take the oath in a manner acceptable to the Jewish faith.

Finally, in 1858, with head covered according to Jewish ritual, he took the oath on the Hebrew Bible! Lionel lived to see his son, Sir Nathan Mayer, the 1st Baron Rothschild (1840-1915), also a Member of Parliament become the first Jewish peer in Britain in 1855.He Blamed The Large Corporations For Being Morally \"Abnormal And Lawless\"; And \"Men ... Who Had Been Blinded By Privilege.\"Remarks in a recent paper? Hardly. They were made by Louis Dembitz Brandeis about the harrowing experience preceding his confirmation on June 1, 1916 to the Supreme Court the –first Jew to do be so honored. Withstanding great pressure, President Wilson stood behind Brandeis against thinly veiled anti-Semitism. The appointment made way for Jews to serve in high positions in government. Brandeis became a legendary advocate for social justice and remains a hero to Jews for his commitment to Jewish and Western values.Leonard Bernstein: A “departmentstore of music.” – StravinksyThe brilliantly versatile maestro who was “Laureate Conductor” of both the New York and Israeli Philharmonic orchestras, vaulted to fame when in 1943 he conducted at Carnegie Hall for the ailing Bruno Walter. Among his legendary achievements, he was the first American Jew (and the first American) conductor a La Scala Opera House (1953), and the first American- born Jewish musical director of the New York Philharmonic.“Duty, Honor, Country”: Simon M. Levy Graduates West PointHe was the second graduate of West Point – and the first Jew. Baltimore’s Simon Magruder Levy was a hero in the Indian Wars at Maumee Rapids, Ohio (1794). He was a sergeant in the 4th Infantry (1793 to 1801) and arrived at West Point on March 2, 1801. Following graduation on October 12, 1802, he performed administrative functions at the Point until his transfer to Fort Wilkinson, Georgia, as Assistant Engineer.This Land Is Made For You and Me: The Jewish Paul Revere of the South ...\"First Jew In South Carolina To Hold Public Office And To Die For American Independence” ... opens the inscription on a commemorative stone in honor of Francis Salvador, erected at the time of the bicentennial celebration of the Jewish community of Charleston, 1950.Salvador came to Charleston (Charles Town) from his native London in 1773, and served with distinction in the creation of his state and his new nation. In 1774, he was the first Jew elected to public office as delegate to the first South Carolina Provincial Congress. A patriot, participating as a volunteer in an expedition against Indians and Tories, he was killed in an ambush near the Keowee River in 1776, thus also becoming the first Jew to give his life in the Revolutionary War. Salvador’s commander described his death to South Carolina President, John Rutledge. With a savage head wound, he asked whether the enemy had been beaten.

He was glad ... and then said farewell. Such a large number of Southern Jews wanted to join the Revolutionary cause, Captain Richard Lushington of Charleston formed what was known as “the Jews’ Company.”A Nice Jewish Doctor!On January 24, 1656, Dr. Jacob Lumbrozo, a Portuguese physician arrived in Maryland, two years after the first Jews settled in New Amsterdam. Not only was he the first Jewish doctor to permanently settle in the New World, but the first Jew to reside in Maryland. Known as “Ye Jew doctor,” he was a country squire, until, in 1658, he was arrested in the Catholic colony.Saved by the 1659 general amnesty declared by Richard Cromwell, Dr. Lumbrozo remained in Maryland, securing land and civil rights.Dr. Jacob Lumbrozo was known as “Ye Jew doctor.”Rosalyn Sussman Yalow, A Medical GroundbreakerThe daughter of German and American Jews, neither of whom completed high school, Rosalyn, born in the Bronx in 1921, received her degree from Hunter College in physics and chemistry. Rejected from Purdue’s graduate program due to gender and religion, she got her Ph.D. in nuclear physics (1945) from the University of Illinois, becoming the first woman in their College of Engineering. At the VA Hospital in 1947, she and partner Dr. Solomon A. Berson created radioimmunoassay (RIA), allowing doctors to diagnose conditions caused by minute changes in hormone levels, useful in diabetes, screening for hepatitis in blood banks, determining effective dosages of antibiotics, and more in the field of endocrinology. Among her many honors, she was the first American woman to win the Nobel Prize in Medicine and Physiology in 1977. The Prize was one of many. Dr. Yalow, cooked kosher meals at home and never lost her passion for both career and family.Famous U.S. Jewish Firsts: Quickies ...Admiral: Adolph Marix: advanced to rear admiral by President Taft, July 4, 1908Ambassador from the U.S.: Oscar Solomon Straus, Ottoman Turkey, March 24, 1887Army Chaplain: Rabbi Jacob Frankel, September 10, 1862. (Michael M. Allen cited not ordained.)Cabinet Member: Oscar Solomon Straus, Secretary of Commerce and Labor, 1906. (See above)Chess (Youngest): Robert (Bobby) Fischer) In 1958, at age 14, youngest player to become Grand Master, and first American to be World Chess Champion (1972-75).

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.College (Jewish): Maimonides College, Philadelphia, October 28, 1867Congressional Representative: Israel Jacobs, Second Congress, March 4, 1791- March 3, 1793Congresswoman: Bella Abzug, 1970Doctor trained in America: Isaac Abraham, 1774.Hebrew Book (All): Abne Yehoshua Stones of Joshua(), published, 1860 in New York CityHebrew Grammar Book: Published, 1735 in Boston for use at Harvard CollegeKosher Butcher: Asser Levy, Brooklyn, 1660.Lawyer: Moses Levy qualified/admitted to Pennsylvania Bar in 1778.Medal of Honor: Sgt. Leopold Karpeles, Battle of the Wilderness, May 1864, issued April 30, 1870.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish-Legal-Dictionary-Jewish-Vs-Not-Jewish.htmlJewish Legal Dictionary: Jewish Vs. Not JewishJul 8, 2017by Marnie Winston-MacauleyIt’s time for We Jews to create our own legal system.We Jews love laws. We have a rule, an opinion, a right and a wrong for everything from the use of poison to picking from a salad bar. After 3,000 years of the most brilliant minds, rabbis, philosophers, tailors, sitting, studying, and geshrie-ing over each possibility, We Jews need some congressman named Billy Bob from Bazooka, population 37 to tell us what we can and can’t do?I say “Feh!” Especially, as U.S. law is mostly based on Roman Law, made by people who, in 70C.E. destroyed our Temple, stole our treasures and had the chutzpah to show them off to their neighbors. And they should make laws for us?!Having spent many years in the justice system, the fact that there are fewer Jews in jumpsuits than in law school, I asked myself, why don’t we create our own legal definitions? This we’re absolutely entitled to! Enjoy!Seven Legal terms: “Theirs” vs. “Ours.”1- Them: Abandonment: When a parent leaves a minor child without enough care, supervision, support, or contact for an excessive period of time. Examples might include:*failing to be present and supervise a minor, e.g. a parent who runs away*failing to feed or clothe a minor*failing to send said child to school*failing to provide schooling or medical care for a minor child.

Us: AbantonementOur law is a child leaving us without enough care, support, or contact for an excessive period of time. Minor or “major,” age is irrelevant. For this, they are expected to atone. Examples include but are not limited to the child’s:*failure to show up within 15 minutes of appointed time*failure to move no further than two delis away (Exceptions: an Ivy League college, a Jewish camp or a tour group going to Israel),*failure to notify us they haven’t been kidnapped by 8 pm daily2-Them: Burden Of Proof:When one person in a case has the responsibility to give more evidence than the other person.Us: Suspicion of Proof:Only a yutz would wait for a burden. A burden means tsouris has already happened. What? We’re going to let a nasty neighbor with shifty eyes maybe put a match to our house so we can hand the judge 5000 pounds of ash-“burdens”? Or be poisoned by that shmeggege deli man who opened around the corner we heard was thrown out of the Lower East Side for having a heavy thumb with the lox? No. Suspicion is proof enough for intention-prevention.3-Them: Caveat emptor:A theory that says you buy things at your own risk from the Latin for \"let the buyer beware.\" Simply, if you’re stupid enough to pay 3,000 dollars for an “antique” rug from a guy with a cart selling chazzerai you deserve to see that rug at Walmart for $15.65. It’s your fault.Us: Shlockemptor:It’s their fault. Period. We Jews don’t buy anything without looking, reading, researching, feeling, tasting, smelling, comparing. Allergy testing may be involved. The other day I got a full refund plus 10 coupons for pain and suffering from a supermarket because a piece of their rice got under my bridgework! Clearly, the rice was uneven. As We Jews are “aware,” the manufacturer should be “emptored” for trying to sell a Jew shoddy merchandise.4- Them: Opinion: A judge's written explanation of the court’s decision on appeal. Only the majority opinion can be used as binding precedent in future cases. For example: “It is the opinion of this court that the complainant has not shown sufficient evidence” etc. etc.Us: Matter of Opinion:

We Jews are masters of “the opinion.” Show me a Jew without one, whether a skirt is too short, or solving the Middle East crisis. We discuss, present oral arguments, holler, eat, walk out and then eat. We can turn anything into a debate of Talmudic proportion. Listen …<blockquote>“That, you call an opinion? I spit on your opinion!”“Your opinion doesn’t even rise to the level of ‘opinion.’”“Only a nudnik would have the chutzpah to actually offer that opinion!”</blockquote>Not only can’t a group of Jews get a majority, we can’t get a minority. Face it. The head of the shul has the only Jewpinion that matters. Right?5- Them: Statute of Limitations: A law that sets the deadline for parties to file suit to enforce their rights. For example, if a state has a 4-year statute of limitations for breach of a written contract, and \"John,\" the girl’s boyfriend took Susan’s apps on January 1, 1996, Susan must file her lawsuit by January 1, 2000. If the deadline passes, the \"statute of limitations has run out\" and \"Susan\" may not be allowed to sue.Us: Statute of Unlimitations:We Jews remember – and keep notes. We don’t know from time limits. On Pesach we’re still talking slavery! Does it become less an injury after 3000 years? Of course not. We Jews have learned never to forget. Face, it. People don’t change. If a distant cousin, Morty, called my daughter “zaftig,” spread the word, and my Sheila still can’t get a date with a respectable Jewish prospect, ten years later, may he Zol er krenken un gedenken. (Let him suffer and remember).6- Them: Will: A legal paper that lists a person's wishes about what will happen to his or her personal property after death. For example, the wife gets half, and the rest is divided equally among the children.Us: Maybe I Will:One terrific bartering tool that works better than guilt. “You don’t care to visit once a week? Where’s my will?” “You’re changing your major from law to miming? Oy. I’m calling cousin Myron to look at my will.” We Jews need adjustable wills written on a napkin, said in the –heat of the moment to make it truly a “living will.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.7-Them: Separate Property:Everything that a husband or wife owns separately.Us :Not familiar with this term.

https://www.aish.com/jw/s/Jewish_Mothers_in_the_Holocaust.htmlJewish Mothers in the HolocaustMay 12, 2012by Marnie Winston-Macauleyhere re o oranwd s t o e r eds cib the r iv a lor o, n lypr era ys.It was a time, unimaginable. Unthinkable. A time incomprehensible to any mother. Or to anyone human.Sitting here, almost 70 years later, I still hear the echoes of these mothers. I see the shadows and feel the horror of madness-let-loose. But I also feel unbridled love and admiration for these women who, shoulder-to-shoulder, bore this monstrous beast with courage, conviction, and faith unparalleled.So many suffered, but on this Mother's Day, we pay tribute to these special women.The Ultimate SacrificeWhen it came to protecting their children, there can be no greater heroes than these Jewish mothers. And no one better words to describe it, then their own words.When the Nazis rounded up the Jews of Piotrekow for deportation, Yisrael, age 4, was supposed to accompany his mother, Chaya, to Ravensbruck. This was Himmler's notorious \"women's\" camp where death by starvation, beating, torture, hanging, shooting and medical experiments were a part of the grotesquerie of daily life. Chaya pushed him away, allowing his older brother, bound for Buchenwald, a \"safer\" camp, could stash Yisrael in a duffel bag, where she believed he would have a better chance of survival.She didn't survive. But her son grew up to carry on the 38 generation of rabbis, becoming th Chief Rabbi of Israel and one of the most revered Jews in the world: Yisrael Meir Lau.In the book “Jewish Responses to Nazi Persecution,” by Isaiah Trunk, we see the following testimony from a Jewish mother about to be taken to a concentration camp, dated September 23, 1943:

Bronia... I beg you: take care of my son. Be a mother to him. I am afraid he will catch cold: he is so weak and sickly. He is very intelligent and has a very good heart. I am sure he will love you. Bronia, this letter is a cry from the heart. Michael must eat, become strong, be able to withstand sufferings. Please, it is necessary to dress him in warm clothes, that he wear socks. I cannot go on writing. Even my tears have dried up. May God protect you both. Genya.Eventually he was captured. Both mother and son died in the camps. Another from the same book, describing events in 1932Froh Golde Graucher burst into our home crying. She had gotten a pass to the Land of Israel, but what good was it, since two of her children were grabbed. I could hear my mother crying as they spoke: “Our days are numbered. But save my youngest child!Register him as the child they took from you.”They fell into each other's arms, sobbing. It was terrible to be the only one going, but my mother tried to make me believe she would follow.The train started moving. I had to keep forcing myself to call Froh Graucher, “mameh.” I fought back tears, as before my eyes I saw my dear mother. Who knows if I'll ever see [her] again.\"During August and September 1942, the Jews of Kowel, Poland were imprisoned in the synagogue, then 18,000 were executed. Knowing their fate, many wrote on the walls in Hebrew, Yiddish, and Polish, using anything, even their fingernails. Here are two:Reuven Atlas, know that your wife Gina and your son Imush perished here. Our child wept bitterly. He did not want to die. Go to war and avenge the blood of your wife and your only son. We are dying, although we did no wrong.Forgive me! Mother, I want you to know that they caught me when I went to bring water. If you come here, remember your daughter Yente Sofer, who was murdered on 14.9.1942.The following was written by Vladimir Shteinberg on November 14, 1944:

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.My dear sister, today is the anniversary of dear mother's death. She was killed by Nazi criminals on Nov. 14, 1941. On that day, at five o'clock in the morning, they began massacring the Jews in our town. By nightfall, 9,000 people had been killed men, –women, children. My dear mother's image is engraved in my mind. She thought of her children till the bitter end. A family friend, who was taken to the pit with our mother, later escaped and told us that our mother had talked about us all the way. Her last words were, “Thank God, my children are alive. They are not here.”Related Article: Breaking the Holocaust ChainsMaternal ProtectionRudolf Hoess, the brutal commandant of Auschwitz, noted in his autobiography that \"time and time again\" he \"witnessed mothers with laughing or crying children [who] went to the gas chambers.\" He recalled a young woman who, as she stood at the gas chamber, said: \"I deliberately avoided being chosen for labor because I wanted to take care of my children and go through this in full awareness of what was happening. I hope it won't take long.\"In the book Scrolls of Auschwitz, a tragic scene is described. In 1943, children were undressing in the anteroom of a gas chamber. When guards tried to hurry them, one 8-year-old girl resisted, crying: \"Go away, you Jewish murderer! Don't put your hand, covered in Jewish blood, on my sweet brother. I am his good mother now and he will die in my arms.\"On this Mother's Day as we celebrate with carnations, brunches, cards, and words of love ––may we all light a candle for these women, for whom there are no words to describe their valor, only prayers.This prayer is based on the words of Alexander Kimel, a Holocaust survivor:Almighty God, full of love, remember all the Jewish mothers, that carried their babies to their execution, led their children to the gas chambers, or witnessed their burning. Almighty God, let their anguish, pain and torture never be forgotten. In our memory they will live forever and ever.

https://www.aish.com/j/f/Jewish-Mothers-Who-Helped-Build-America.htmlJewish Mothers Who Helped Build AmericaMay 21, 2016by Marnie Winston-MacauleyMay is a month for Mothers, so in their honor, let’s look at a few Jewish mothers who helped build America.May is a month for Mothers, so in their honor, let’s look at a few Jewish mothers whose names are merely footnotes, but actually helped to build America.FIRST JEWISH WOMAN TO SERVE IN THE UNITED STATES CONGRESSIn the mid-1860s, the family moved When we think of Jewish to Salt Lake City, Utah, where her father became friendly with Brigham some of us may remember Young. Her mother, an educator, wrote My Life Among the Mormons. When Kahn married in 1899, she was a teacher. Upon her husband’s election to Congress, they moved from California to Washington D.C. Yet did you know it was When Florence Prag Kahn and her husband, Julius Kahn, were invited to dine with President McKinley, they walked there, as a carriage cost who in 1925 became the first Jewish woman to serve in one dollar to hire. “In what country,” asked Julius Kahn, “could two poor Jews be on their way to dine withfemale Congresswomen, the indefatigable, controversial, lady of the hats, “Battlin’” Bella Abzug who served three terms in Congress starting in 1971. Florence Prag Kahn (November 9, 1866 –November 16, 1948) an American teacher and politician the United States Congress. She was only the fifth

the head of state?” Upon his death, he left $4,430. After he died in 1924, California. Florence Prag Kahn was born November 9, a special election was held and –Florence took his seat, making herwoman to serve in Congress, and the second from 1866 to Polish Jews who were early settlers of California.the first Jewish woman to serve in the United States Congress, where she completed five terms. She was also the first woman to serve on the Military Affairs Committee. Prag traveled throughout California encouraging women to become involved in national politics.She remained dedicated to Judaism and was in involved in numerous Jewish organizations. Florence Prag Kahn died on November 16, 1948, of heart disease. Known as a brilliant, take- charge woman with great humor she was adored by influential San Francisco Jews.DESERT JEWISH MAMAWhen Jennie gave birth, the very next morning, Sam put her on a stage to California. Remember, in those days there were no paved roads, just rutted paths ... and Indians. This woman was on the stage with her newborn for seven days. Now that’s commitment!Throughout her life, Jennie played a major role in developing both Jewish and secular life in The Southwest. She would meet new stages, welcome and provide aid and help to newcomers, including caring for their children. During the 1877-78 smallpox epidemic, she wasJennie Migel-Drachman, born in 1859 in Russia, the daughter of a California Jewish merchant, married Samuel Drachman at age17. They came to Tucson in 1875, where they remained for 37 years, and raised four children. They both held very strong religious beliefs. With norabbi in the old West, Sam Drachman took the role of acting rabbi. In 1887, their son was the first male child in Tucson whose circumcision was performed by a mohel. Where would you find one in those days?California!a leader in caring for the sick. A lover of society and music, it was Jennie who organized the first Purim Ball in Tucson in 1886. The paper called it “the most brilliant social event in the history of the city.” To this day, the Drachman name appears on a street, school, and the Drachman Institute at the University of Arizona.Jennie died in 1927 at the age of 68. This brave, Jewish woman of faith was largely instrumental in keeping Judaism alive in the desert southwest. How many Jewish females walked in those giant moccasins?YE OLDE GARBAGE WOMAN? A TRUE RENNAISANCE MAMA

Following an elegant European honeymoon, the couple set out for educated in Germany inSanta Fe, New Mexico where Flora endured a grueling trip over rough German culture. Her country. The cuisine consisted of dried buffalo, bear meat, buffalo tongue, buffalo steaks, beans and chilies not exactly haute cuisine. –When the couple finally stopped at Spiegelberg in a hotel in Las Animas, Colorado, Flora was the first woman the males had seen in months. Under the gazeFlora Langerman, due to her mother’s efforts, was the fine arts and high father, William, lived in California during the 1849 Gold Rush. In 1874, 17- year old Flora married Willi Nuremberg, Germany.of cowboys at the ramshackle hotel, she had to climb a ladder to her bed while the men looked on. The anxious and teary-eyed Flora slept clothed.When the couple finally arrived in Santa Fe, they were greeted by the Spiegelberg brothers, wives, and children, and a band playing Lohengrin's “Wedding March.” The local people cheered the Willi and his tenderfoot bride. Instead of going into culture shock, she devoted herself to improving her new community. An avid lover of the cultured life, she organized literary and dramatic clubs. In 1879, Flora helped establish the first non-sectarian school in Santa Fe and funding for a three room school house, created the first children's playground and garden in the city, and conducted a Sabbath school on Saturdays.Among Flora's students was Hyman Lowitzy who became a member of Teddy Roosevelt's “Rough Riders” and Arthur Seligman who went on to become Governor of New Mexico in 1930. Flora also had her share of decidedly “frontier” experiences. Late one night in 1887, an angry mob pounded insisted that Willi join in lynching two Mexicans who allegedly murdered an Anglo physician. Flora convinced the mob to leave. She also met the infamous Billy the Kid when he came to the Spiegelberg’s store in 1876 to buy a new cowboy outfit.In the late 1880s she insisted her family join the other Spiegelbergs in New York City where their daughters, Betty and Rose, could eventually marry Jewish men.In New York, she organized the Boys Vocational Club and, in 1889, the first Jewish Working Girls Club. Flora was the leading force behind the creation of a modern system of garbage collection in New York City and Thomas Edison made a film about her plan. Flora was dubbed “The Old Garbage Woman of New York.” Sometimes criticized for her “unladylike” concerns with garbage, Flora explained that the health and cleanliness was “quite within the province of women.” Flora also served on the New York City Health Commission, the Street Cleaning Department, the Public Water Commission and the Daylight Savings Commission.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.In 1937, Flora published some of the stories from her own life in Reminiscences of a Jewish Bride of the Santa Fe Trail which appeared in the Jewish Spectator. Though her life beat any “made for TV” movie, history largely “forgot” the remarkable achievements of Flora Langerman Spiegelberg...until now.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish-Paraprosdokians-2.htmlJewish Paraprosdokians 2Apr 6, 2013by Marnie Winston-Macauley40 more paraprosdokians for the articulate Jew.“Para – what?” Is this even a word? More, is it only pronounceable in Cyrillic?While the word’s been around since the late 20th century, if you missed it in Grammar 101, we all did. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the first part of a phrase or sentence seems normal, even complimentary, while the second, or last part, does a 180 on the first.Here’s an example from humor writer and friend Shmuel Breban:“There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs… my favorite is Nestle.”The greats, from history to show business, have been using “paras” for years. Here are a few more corkers:“A modest man … who has much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill (of Clement Attlee)\"She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes … and forgot to say 'when'.\" —P. G. Wodehouse“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” –Groucho Marx\"On his feet he wore ... blisters.\" —AristotleAnd of course, Don Rickles has made a nice living “paraprosdokian izing,” right you “hockey -pucks?!”But We Jews, with our gift for humor and ingenious curses that lull the victim into a false sense of security, then prophesize the hideous consequences (“You should have nine children– and not ONE will friend you on Facebook”) have been doing this for centuries.In part one, I gave you 50. Here are 40 MORE Paraprosdokians for the Articulate Jew:

1-“You’re such an expert at catching more flies with honey than vinegar … but look around mamala, you’re surrounded by flies!”2-“Darling, you look so gorgeous in that dress … it takes off 30 pounds.”3-“Is this a perfect match? Such a fastidious couple … he's fast and she’s tedious.” 4- “Ai! What a voice! I can only imagine how you’d sound without the adenoids.”5- “Such luxurious lips! The last time I saw a mouth like yours ... there was a fish hook in it.” 6- “You deserve to be remembered … I’m naming my first ulcer after you.”7- “A beautiful outfit! Pssst -- there’s a new invention maybe you’ve heard of: Spanx?” 8- “A luscious spread you made … much better than your usual ‘mediocre.’”9-“You’re so lucky you’ve got a brain … so you don’t need to worry about men noticing you for your looks.”10-\"Darling, I admire you giving your assets to your husband. But … if you give a loaded gun to a chimp and it shoots somebody, you don't blame the chimp.\"11-“The food? Delicious! Only the portions are so small, the mice are hunchbacks.\"12-“Darling, when it comes to love, age doesn’t matter … even thought he's so old he still owes Moses 100 shekels.”13-“Thank God you found a bashert. I sent your photo to www. Lonely-hearts.com and they sent it back and said ‘we’re not that lonely!’”14-“That toupee looks so real. Only maybe next time, you’ll buy one with a brain in it.”15-“Listen mamala, so he’s a little feminine. Big deal. In a few months it wouldn’t matter anyway. Nice curtains can last a life time.”16-“Darling, it’s better that most people take an instant dislike to you. It saves time.” 17- “Sweetheart, walk in front of me … better than behind my back.”18-“Zelda, you look stunning! That dress didn’t fit you nearly as well at Tante Sheyna, or Cousin Chaya’s wedding!”19-“Mamala, don’t lose hope. If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, we can make something out of you.”20-“Ok, Adele, so you made another mistake. Listen, you're only young once. But darling, trust me, it’s time for a new excuse.”

21-“That figure! That hair! You must be so confident in your inner beauty.” 22- “You’re so dependable, mamala … just like Ex-Lax.”“I’d love to say it was a pleasure to be here…oy, would I love to say that.”23-“The décor in your new house? So creative what you can find at the Salvation Army.”24-“I’m so proud you admitted that fault! Now you have one less to admit!”25-“Of course you’re special! Sometimes I needwhat only you can provide … your absence.”26-“You look lovely … but to tell the truth, you look better on your driver’s license.”27-“Morton, it wasn’t your fault your father was a poor man. It was fate. But if your father-in- law is a poor man … you’re ashmegegge.”28-“Finally, you’re old enough to know your way around … too bad with the arthritis and the catheter, you're not going anywhere.”29-“Thank God you hear voices and see invisible people … at least they have better ideas than you do.”30-“You did some job with those flowers! This is the first affair I’ve been to where no one’s on the floor fighting for the centerpiece.”31-“You, are one useful person, mamala. We can use you as a bad example.” 32- “Darling, you look … lovely. That’s such a flattering shade of nail polish!”33-“Mamala, we took from our IRA to buy you Barbie and all her friends. So tell me, why is she more popular than you?”34-“ Such a nice suit, now if you could get the shmutz off your tie ... I could almost be proud of you.”35-“He comes from some yichus! If only there was a lifeguard in that gene pool.”36-“I know your Myron has a photographic memory … but would it hurt if he put in a little film?”37-“Those wine stains on the tablecloth prove your affair was a success – if this were an Italian wedding.”38-“Sweetie, the last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it's still on my list.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.39-“I’d love to say it was a pleasure to be here …… oy, would I love to say at.” th40- “When I go to Israel, for you … I’ll have a tree uprooted in your honor.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish_Paraprosdokians.htmlJewish ParaprosdokiansApr 21, 2012by Marnie Winston-Macauley50 paraprosdokians for the articulate Jew.“Para –what?” When I first heard the term I wondered if it was either an ancient Druid sect, or a small Jewish branch of the Kardashians tucked away in Haifa.The word (that no one one can pronounce) has actually been around since the late 20th century, but if you missed it in High School, trust me, we all did.Well, today it’s been dug up and flying everywhere, which is fascinating in a society that grunts no more than two words, and abbreviates “bye bye” to BIBI.Many different crunches affect the abs. My favorite is Nestle.So what then is a paraprosdokian? It’s a figure of speech in which the first part of a phrase or sentence seems normal, even complimentary … and the second, or last part, shocks and shakes the firstpart to its tenuous foundation. It can also extend the meaning of Part One.For example: “There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs… my favorite is Nestle.” — Shmuel BrebanOne of the most famous is Henny Youngman’s “Take my wife; PLEASE!”From Aristotle, Winston Churchill, Shakespeare, to Groucho Marx and Homer Simpson, comics and politicians have been using these “paras” for years. But the real masters of the art are, of course, We Jews who have been known, on occasion to flip and switch word order to make a point for drama, humor, and to conjure a well-turned curse on the deserved.So for you, dear readers, I’ve created and collected paraprosdokians that We Jews can use with a lot of impunity, never mind impudence.Enjoy, but use with caution. For example, in some situations it’s better to say the first part and think the second. This is recommended if you want to live anywhere except maybe Croatia, where trust me, even your 17 “neighbors” won’t invite you to shmooze.

50 Paraprosdokians for the Articulate Jew1― “Of course I agree with you… Now we’ll both be wrong.”2― “Knowledge is knowing a yutz when you see one. Wisdom is not making him your accountant (or your husband).”3― “Oy, the food here is terrible… and such small portions!”4― \"Ai, what a blessing these two met each other. He’s broke, and she’s a beast.”5― “Darling, for our anniversary let’s go eat someplace we’ve never been before… the kitchen.”6― “Mamala, this time you should have the last words. How about… ‘Yes dear.’”7― “Freida, I owe you thanks. I always saw the good in people till you taught me… there’s an exception to everything.”8― “Darling that outfit, the dress, the shoes, the hat, you wore to my David’s Bar Mitzvah, I never saw anything like it... and please God, I never will again.”9― “Mamala, there’s nothing wrong with you mentally… that a team of psychiatrists in Switzerland can’t cure.”10― “Oy, Bosovsky! There’s a price on your head? Take it!\"11― ”Sweetheart, they charged you for cutting your hair? Better they should charge you forfinding it.”12― “They made that suit to order? Oy, so the man never picked it up.”13― “A square you’re not, sweetie. Even if they did build a shtetl around you.” 14 ― “Thank God your daughter’s an Einstein… because a beauty she isn’t.”15― “She got her good looks from her father… the plastic surgeon.”16― “You have such a voice! So mamala, why spoil it by actually singing?”17― “Mamala, you’ve always had an open mind… so nu, isn’t it time you closed it for repairs?”18― “Of course I agree you’re a wit…even if you’re only half right.”19― “You don’t seem to be yourself lately. So tell me, what brought about such an improvement?”20― “Have I told you, you have that certain something…bupkes.”

21― “I know you’re hoping for a stroke of luck… your rich uncle’s retirement.”22― “Oy darling, mazel tov on your son’s B.A, M.A. and Ph.d… so when will he get a J.O.B.? 24 ― “Where there's a will, there are relatives.\"25― \"There are courts. I want to be in it.\"26― “Mamala, you’re a regular Snow White… who’s drifted a bit.”27― “Okay already. Your argument about the Middle East is sound… nothing but 'sound.'”28― “Going to a shul doesn't make you a Jew, anymore than standing in a bakery makes you a bobka.”29― “True, you can at times be humorously ironic… but the rest? I think you may suffer from ‘ironic’ deficiency.”30― “Darling, I’m glad you have a clear conscience after what you did… even if you forgot everything since the Nixon administration.”31― “That dress fits you perfectly… if you were dead for two weeks.”32― “Mamala, one thing you mustn't miss when you are in Eastern Europe ― the plane!” 32 ― ”Darling, did I say it was your fault? No. I said I was blaming you.”33― “I've had a wonderful night – unfortunately, this wasn't it.\"34― “It’s not God’s job to determine who’s right – only who’s left.”37― “Mamala, money can’t buy happiness… but trust me, it makes misery easier to live with.”38― “Hymie, we’ve married for years. Of course you’re never too old to learn…narishkeit(something stupid.)”39― “Laughter is the best medicine… since you don’t have health insurance.” 40 ― “A Friend In Need is usually something you don’t need.”41 ― “Mazel Tov! Your Rachel just got promoted! Let’s hope, this time she keeps it.” 42 ― “Darling, it looks lovely… on your daughter.”43― “Joshua, your girlfriend, words can’t express. So bring me the Tums.”44― “Mamala, your gift was such a lovely thought. You couldn’t have a better one?” 45 ― “Your belly is so tight from the crunches. May you crawl on it.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.46 ― “You should be on Mt. Rushmore… who else has so many stones in their head?” 47 ― “Have I ever told you how colorful you are? Mostly yellow and green.”48― “You’re head is so full of ideas: Go bang it against the wall.”49― “Mamala, you’re so full of advice… that I need like a hole in the head.”50― “You made a perfect Passover. May your wife eat matzah in bed and may you roll in the crumbs.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish-Royalty-The-Middlesteins.htmlJewish Royalty: The “Middlesteins?”Feb 10, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyWill the next prince or princess of England actually be Jewish?Who among us didn’t kvell when William and Kate vowed and cleaved on April 29, 2011. Okay, yes, it’s nice to see a happy couple unite and keep up the family business for at least the next two generations.Kate Middleton’s mama, Carol, is the daughter of Ronald and Dorothy Goldsmith.Ah, but for Jews around the world, there was even great nakhes when Alan Dershowitz told us that their future child … yes … the future King or Queen of England -- will be Jewish! According to theprominent lawyer, Kate’s mama, Carol, is thedaughter of Ronald and Dorothy Goldsmith who he claims were Jews. So, we’ll finally have an emmes Jewish Prince or Princess now that Kate is expecting a bundle of Royal joy.Before we do the Hora, I’m bound to report that royal ancestry-mavens whose job it is to ferret out blips (like a recent Catholic since Henry VIII), sort of deny any Jewish connection. I say “sort of” as no one seems really sure, or maybe wants to admit. However, many believe that given all the Jewish names on Katela’s side, chances are blu-ish Jewish blood runs through her veins somewhere.The Jewish line thickens with her hubby Wills. It’s been speculated that Princess Diana's mother, Frances Shand Kydd was born Frances Ruth Burke Roche, a Rothschild. If that weren’t enough, the London Daily Mail reported that Diana is actually the biological daughter of Sir James Goldschmidt, also a Jew.Between the two then, despite the churches, they probably should be saving for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, as their heir may well be DNA-deep in Jewish roots!And if so, what might Katela and Villy do with their Royal bubbeleh? After all, even one Jewish chromosome has the strength of a Samson, right? Of course right!

A JEWISH PRINCE OR PRINCESS: MY PERSONAL ADVICE TO KATELA1. The Naming: Darling, we all know that you Royal Brits turn to the traditional “James,” “Henry,” and “George.” Feh! Our little Jewish prince or princess should be named “David” (or “Davida”). Now, this could cause your bubbe-in-law to fling her purse off Buckingham’s balcony. Remember, it was her Uncle “David” who abdicated to marry that skinny vilde chaya Simpson person, thereby almost overthrowing the Monarchy. However, simply explain to her that your little bubbeleh isn’t named for that oysvorf (outcast) poo poo! but for the greatest –Jewish King of all! Trust me. “David–Aaron-Moses Middlestein-Wales” will trip well off the tongue of the most capable Royal Mohel.2. Symbols: First thing, you need to hang mezuzot on all the doors at Anmer Hall. Figure the “mains” -- front, west, east, north -- and maybe 457 more for each room. But face it, all that nailing could be “overdoing” when you’re expecting. So I suggest, starting now, you supervise say, 40 Gentile Royal butlers who know what to do with a screw driver and a ladder.Code name: “Shayna Maidel”3. Appearance: You’re gorgeous! Willy’s gorgeous. But between you and me, Katela … nebuch, there are a few genes in the Royal pool (on the Gentile side)that could pop up like algae. Should, God forbid, your bubbeleh inherit, say, teeth like King James, or The Habsburg Lip, unlike your predecessors … lop. Fix! I know it’s anti-British (and who’s got the chutzpah to bully a future monarch?) But darling, do you want your little one to pose with his stunning parents if he has ears that could wave in the RAF? (NOTE: Should you decide to leave meeskeit-ish flaws alone, at least insist the Royal Guards give your daughter with the buck teeth, the code name “Shayna Maidel” – and say it out loud to help her self- esteem).4. Dishes: Naturally your kinder will need two sets of Royal Melmac. For you, Katela, I’ve perused and evaluated your 753 choices and came up with White Doulton Melmac for milchig. Personally, I prefer the Red Wedgwood Beatrix Potter Melmac for meat.5. The Royal Nanny: Choosing the right nanny for your Royal Yiddishe babe is a daunting task. You must test each applicant thoroughly! Here’s a list of excellent sample nanny responses which will tell you she’s worthy:*“Darling … what are you doing in the royal potty for so long?” if he’s in there for over three minutes.*“Oy! Could it be pneumonia? Quick, the Royal surgeon!” if he sneezes.*“You’re too thin. Is the Royal mashgiach not feeding you enough, mamala?” if she’s under 100 pounds at age eight.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.*“Sweetheart, I know your parents are bringing you on their tour of DeathValley. Pssst … promise me you’ll wear a sweater?” Hot/cold! Who knows with this global mishegoss?*“I know you’ll be busy. But even a King can take a minute to call his old nannala once a week, mamala, right?”* Finally, she should come from the highest yichus! She should at least be related to a Loehmann, or better, a Bloomingdale!6. Athletics: Okay, you, Willy, and the mishpocheh fling and fly with the polo, football, rugby, hunting. Understand that your tatala will take one look, and swell up. With a 3,000 year history of allergies, he or she, God forbid, could go into Anaphylactic shock in the presence of a horse, never mind pigskin (pui)! But Katela, make sure he or she participates in healthy athletics. Getting out of the royal crib by himself by age five is nice. Also, lying by the royal pool maybe “dipping a toe,” or bouncing a wiffle ball is OK, too. As for toys, in additional to shopping at Genius ’R Us, encourage his innate desire to wear the black, fuzzy “bearskin” hats. Just borrow from a Royal guard who’s shlepping back and forth doing bupkes.7. Holidays: Okay, true. This could be a little touchy with the mishpocheh, so settle this now! Christmas at Sandringham? Feh! Better you should spend Hanukkah with your side: “the Middlesteins.” As your papa already wears costumes during the Season, this will help prepare your little one for Purim.So, Katela … mazel tov! And revel in the fact that your bubbeleh won’t hock you with meshugge dreams to become a tattoo artist, a Mini-Cooper salesperson, or a chimney sweep. No. He’ll follow you in the family business! And better still, your Jewish prince or princess will live in the castle with you until he’s employed -- at maybe age 60! Ai! Ai! Ai! Such nakhes!Enjoy, mamala!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewish-Traffic-Signs.htmlJewish Traffi c SignsAug 28, 2016by Marnie Winston-MacauleyLet’s make traffi c signs that we Jews can understand!Graphic Engineer: Robyn MorinI recently took a road test. They gave me sign and shapes: rounds, squares, octagons, broken lines, mammals with x’s. To prepare, a lovely friend made me flash cards. Here’s one she tried to teach me: Even the highway department wished me mazel.Face it. We Jews aren’t crazy about instructions – especially involving directions – written by governments. So, I feel like it’s high time to take a stand and create normal traffic signs that a Jew like me can understand. Is that so much to ask?! If you agree, by all means let’s start a JTB (Jewish Traffic Blog) and test them in Miami.–JEWISH TRAFFIC SIGNS CAUTION: TREIF AHEAD!What do you expect when your idiot neighbor tells you to visit Pretzelberg, Pa?! You thought they’d take you on a tour of their kugel factory in those farkakta wagons?MOT SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTNOTE: THIS IS NOT THE SPEED LIMIT! It’s something else. There’s one every mile. Don’t look or some idiot in the car will suggest you sing a round of “99 miles to Bubbe’s we go, 99 miles to go. If one of those signs just happens to fall, gevalt,

another babka could spoil! ONE MORE TIME.”AIRPORT 404: NOT FOUNDOy, you missed the airport. See the arrow! See the space! In that space they put an airport. You can tell because there are planes there. If you get lost again? Look up.EMPTYHEANDED… without cake or a marble rye? Stop at checkpoint “Marvin” for inspection and a tasting. Should you bring a regular rye you’ll be forced to detour.TO FOOL A JEWShould you see this sign DO NOT BE FOOLED. There is no “detour.” Anywhere. Should you take a right, you’ll wind up in the Bermuda Triangle and 30 goyim in the Traffic Department will faint from hysteria especially the yutz who won the–office pool. Instead take a left and when you feel it in your kishkes, TURN. If you see signs to Canada you’ve gone too far.SINGLE DOCTOR IN TOWNIf you have a daughter, a niece, a neighbor who is female and hasn’t found her bashert on JMeet … jump off the road at the little sprouty thingy, speed up to 28 mph and follow till you see a man with a stethoscope running from middle-aged women holding knishes. HURRY. (This sign is only temporary.)HALEVAIYou’ve heard of “I spy with my little eye …?” This means it’s time to play “Halevai” where each Jewish person says one thing that should only happen to them. Listen: “I Sigh with My Halevai … that with your father’s driving we should get to Tante Rose in one piece.”MISSING PEOPLE ALERT!124 people disappeared without a trace from this very spot since 1953. Be Proactive! Count your passengers. Don’t forget to include you.YEL: YIDDISH EXPRESS LANEFor two or more Jews, who when they’re cut off, tail gaited, or receive a rude gesture, have the class, the courtesy to use curses in mama-loshen! For example:“Yutz! Abi gezunt dos leben ken men zikh ale mol nemen!!” (Moron! Stay healthy, because you can kill yourself later!!)

“Shmendrick! A meshugenem zol men oysshraybn un dikh araynshraybn!!” (Idiot! A maniac should be crossed off the register of madmen and you should be inscribed in his place!!)“May deyn blut vendn tsu alkohol azoy ale di fleas aoyf eyer guf bakumen shiker aun tantsn di mazurka in deyn boykh knepl!!” (May your blood turn to alcohol so all the fleas on your body get drunk and dance the mazurka in your belly button!!)BEWARE: SHTARBING AHEADYou’ve been driving a whole half hour without even a sour ball. Force the designated fresser to pull out a few light snacks: an Empire chicken, the leftover brisket, matzo ball soup, knishes (potato and kasha), blintzes (assorted) … and a piece fruit.MIL ON BOARDListen, you got directions from your mother-in-law. Left at the statue … right at the monument … go back … go front. What to do? We, at Tel Aviv Traffic Control had a meeting and after much deliberation, weighing of consequences, and consulting with our head Rabbi we decided: We shouldn’t be involved.MEDICAL RECREATION AREAShould you, say, pass such a sign you know there’s a: a: hospital; b: clinic; c: rehab center; d: urgent care; e: ER nearby. Even if you haven’t found a new mole on you while driving, stop in! Trust me. You’ll know at least three people you haven’t seensince your Bar Mitzvah. Is this a fun reunion or what? You can even play “Guess the Disease” or “I Had It Worse.”WEATHER WARNINGThe Department of Jewish Highways spotted what could be a rain cloud over the Northeast Coast of Issaquena County, Mississippi. Stop at the first Winn Dixie, grab the nearest Gentile and ask him to check the engine on your Emergency Jewflatable Boat. Offer to buy him a family-sized Winn Dixie Lip Lickin Chicken if it takes more than two hours.ROAD OBSTRUCTIONSome shmeggege threw a McDonald’s French fry on the highway. Slow DOWN or the above could be you!!HAVE YOU QUESTIONED YOURSELF TODAY? A REMINDER

JUST DON’T HIT THE THING IN THE MIDDLECopyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Isn’t it time to dig deep and ask yourself why you’re shlepping 130 miles to visit your cousin, who you never liked in the first place, never mind the fact that she didn’t even call when you had that shingles attack on your 16th Birthday? Ask yourself, for example, “Do I need this?” “I need to visit a person who tells everyonemy brisket has skid marks meanwhile she can’t dial a telephone?” “Then again, maybe I should be the bigger person?” “On the other hand, would she even appreciate?” “Am I questioning too much?” “Then again, maybe I don’t question enough?” “Oy, did I forget where I’m going?”TOO ONGEPOTCHKET

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/48929732.htmlJewish Vs. GoyishJun 6, 2008by Marnie Winston-MacauleySome things just \"feel\" Jewish, while others don't.\"Dig... if you live in New York or any other big city you are Jewish. It doesn't matter if you are Catholic. If you live in New York you are Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.\" – Lenny BruceJewlarious has developed this hendy-dendy \"Hemishing test\" to see if you can spot Jewish vs.GoyishLenny Bruce started it, and David Kamp in his 1999 hysterical GQ article continued it, but face it, there are some things that \"feel\" Jewish Jewish or not, –while other things \"feel\" Goyish even if they're –Jewish. Why? Our theory is, that it has something to do with The Hamish Factor (HF), but we're not sure. So, to test our theory Jewlarious has developed thishendy-dendy \"Hemishing test\" to see if you can spot Jewish vs. Goyish. And by all means, feel free to add to it!JEWISH VS. GOYISHLandscaping is Jewish Gardening is Goyish Bittersweet chocolate is Jewish White chocolate is Goyish The Simpsons are Jewish King of the Hill is GoyishAllergies are Jewish Colds are GoyishMonk and Columbo are Jewish Steve McGarrett (Hawaii Five-O)and Joe Friday (Dragnet) are GoyishCucumbers are Jewish Cucumber sandwiches are GoyishDeal or No Deal is Jewish The Price is Right is GoyishRachael Ray is Jewish Martha Stewart is GoyishGoogle is Jewish Ask Jeeves is Goyish Buffet is Jewish Tapas is GoyishResorts are Jewish Country clubs are Goyish