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\"True, you've studied the Torah diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!\" said the Rabbi. “Dad, I’ve been thinking, Samson had long hair. So did Abraham, Noah, and even Moses! ” To which rabbi replied, “Aha! And they also walked everywhere!”He was sitting in front of a heap of papers, covered with mathematical formulae. Writing with his right hand and holding his younger son in his left he kept replying to questions from his elder son who was playing with his bricks. A student.—Who was this 21st. century-style hands-on dad? The greatest mind of the 20th century Albert –Einstein! In the early 1900's, the genius frequently walked a baby carriage bearing sons Hans Albert or Eduard, then stopped to write an equation. E=MC2 could have been easily misread, for the baby spittle!A LITTLE COMMON SENSE?One of the many things that makes Jews well, Jews is our unique perspective on just ––about everything. Whether it involves creative reasoning or humor, our viewpoint has a Yiddishe spin:Benjamin, unlike his immigrant father, had the benefit of higher education and was a regular “intellectual” at home, always spouting philosophy.“Papa, I accept the universe as it is,” stated the “intellectual” pompously.Papa thought for a while before answering. “Nu, Benjy,” he countered, “and if you didn’t?”A TRIBUTE TO THE GENTLE COMEDIAN, SAM LEVINSON:Momma and Poppa got no joy from us kids. They raised us to the point where we could produce grandchildren. We were dopes. These are smart. Smart? GENIUSES. If we went to the park, they called us loafers. The baby is dragged because it’s good for him. He can’t walk yet but there’s a bicycle waiting for him. We missed the best things in life.We should have been grandchildren . . . Excerpt from Sam Levinson’s “Meet the Folks.”KREPLACHAPHOBIAAdele’s 10-year-old son, Joey, panicked whenever she served kreplach. So Joey’s parents who took him to a psychiatrist, who suggested the boy watch mom prepare the dish, and once he saw the ingredients, problem solved. That night, Adele showed her son the dough and chopped meat, as they all watched, fingers crossed.“See darling? Is there anything to worry about?” “No,” said Joey.

“Now I’m putting meat in the center of the dough and folding one corner.” Joey was smiling. She folded a second and third corner. All was going terrifically.Then, she folded the final corner. Suddenly, Joey started running! “Kreplach!”Since my little son is only half-Jewish, would it be all right if he went into the pool only up to his waist? Groucho Marx, addressing a country club that would not admit his son.–PICK ONE!Sheldon excitedly told his parents he fell in love and was getting married.“Just for fun, I'm going to bring over three women and you guess which one I'm going to marry.\" Mama and Papa agreed.The next day he brought three beauties who sat on the sofa and chatted with Mama and Papa over a little cake. After they left, he challenged, \"Okay! Guess which one I'm going to marry?\"“The one in the middle with the red hair,” they replied together instantly. \"You're right! But ... how did you know?\" asked Sheldon, amazed. \"Simple. Her, we don't like.\"SENATOR JOSEPH LIEBERMANThe first Jew to run for VP from a major party was Senator Joseph Lieberman (2000)But more: Marcia “Baba” Lieberman, his Yiddishe mama, played matchmaker for “machers” –and sent food. “Baba” invited Al Gore over for a little cake and coffee, and sent reporters care packages with bagel chips, postcards (to write their mothers ), with the following handwritten note: \"Please be kind to my son! Enjoy. Marcia Lieberman (Joe's mom!). \"ALRIGHTNIKSMorty made a killing in the stock market, so he bought a yacht and all the fittings. Then he invited mama and papa to take a look.“Some yacht, huh, Mama? So, what do you think of your boychick now?” “Nice,” murmured Mama.“Right,” added Papa.“See?” Morty said, pointing to his epaulets. “I’m a regular Captain now.” His parents rolled their eyes.“Well,” said Morty, indignant. “You don’t seem very impressed.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.“Morty, darling” said papa. “By me you’re a captain, by the neighbors you’re a captain — but believe me sonny, by a captain, you’re no captain!”ISAAC ASIMOVScience fiction legend Isaac Asimov related this story about his Jewish mother in “It's Been a Good Life.”“My mother, who came from Russian, decided to go to night school and learn how to write English. One of the teachers finally asked her, ‘Pardon me, Mrs. Asimov, are you by any chance a relation of the brilliant Isaac Asimov?’”“My mother, who was four feet, ten inches tall, drew herself up to her full height and said, proudly, ‘Yes. He is my dear son.’”“‘Aha,’ said the teacher, ‘no wonder you’re such a good writer.’”“‘I beg your pardon,' said my mother, freezingly. ‘No wonder he’s such a good writer.’”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jumping-the-Gefilte.htmlJumping the GefilteMar 17, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyE ver e rhad h t e e prexssio n “J um np ig t h eSha r k ” ?N o w tinrod u c in g…”J um np ig the Gefilte!”For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Jumped the Shark phenomenon, several years ago some genius got the brilliant idea to pinpoint the exact moment a television show went from terrific (or at least okay) to … enough already with the gimmicks! Cancel! The expression comes from the fifth season premiere of the show Happy Days when character Fonzie (played by the Jewish Henry Winkler) went water skiing and jumped over a confined shark in a cartoonish desperate ratings stunt. Those were Sad Days.Jumped the gefilte: “cutsie” Jewishy pet naming.There are other examples as well. Whether it was a change in “Darrins” (Bewitched), a change in storylines (think sudden alien abductions), a change in ideas (“let’s bring in a precocious kid with a pisk”),or no ideas, good shows that were once hits don’t necessarily ripen with age like cheese. Sometimes they just stink.We Jews, always at the forefront, have been known on occasion to either start trends, or take the heat anyway. Some stick, like Bloomingdale's, Ben & Jerry's, and Kosher vending machines (good things), while others, like celeb Kabbalah bling, “Too Jewish” and Jew T’s -stick in our throats after a few seasons too many.Here are my personal picks for those ideas/trends/fads that have …JUMPED THE GEFILTE!1 – “Cutsie” Jewishy Pet Naming –For a while, some Jews thought it was adorable to give their pets, cutsie-but-obnoxious Jewishy monikers like Pepe Le Jew. I ask you, what can you expect from a Sheepdog you’ve shamed with “Shlepper?” Trust me, he won’t guard a sock. Or, by the time he does, your cat, “Chalaria,” will have fed it to your prized Macaw, “Meshu”

(short for “Meshugener”). People they’re not, but personalities they have. Who can say with 100% certainty that a farshtinkener name can’t ruffle their little coats and feathers? Better to stick to nice normal names like Rocky.2 Waspy Moms Based On the Jewish Mommy (JM) Stereotype ––From Ida Morgenstern (Rhoda) to Bobbi Adler (Will & Grace) to both of “Fran’s” TV moms (The Nanny and Happily Divorced), We Jews can take dubious credit for creating JMs who were Queens at feeling for lumps, capturing capable basherts, criticizing your Kleenex, and adjusting crowns on their “princesses.” Is it meshugge? Absolutely. But it’s our meshuggas! OK, there’s Marie Barone, another ethnic, but now Waspy Moms have started up.When Mad Men’s Betty Draper tells her mazik Bobby to go bang his head against a wall; when Jane Forrest (The New Normal, played by Jewish actress Ellen Barkin), carves her grand- daughter’s heart out; when we root for Jack (\"30 Rock\") to run over his mother, or when a Housewife of Beverly Hills (pick any) throws a Birthday bash whose cost rivals the GNP of Uruguay for a whiny 4-year-old … they’ve Jumped our Gefilte! Gentiles of the world, it’s us, and it’s over. Find your own rotten stereotypes –– like Martinis and migraines.3 DIY Chuppahs –Yes, I know making your own chuppah is a lovely, sentimental thought (much like “instead of that cruise, let’s give Tanta Zelda a belt buckle with all our names laser engraved.”) A few years ago DIY, or going back a few millennia to grind your own matzo, was forward thinking. But huge chuppahs? I read pamphlets with obscene words like: “sew,” “construct,” “quilt,” “twine,” “pattern,” “string,” “thatch,” “stencil,” “tie die.” What I -didn’t see was “shlep,” “take down,” “put up.” A few years ago I was at a wedding where the bride brought her own DIY chuppah. By the time the Rabbi put hers up and took his down, the groom took off. When it comes to weddings, you DIY’ed it enough. You found your bashert.You want to feed him gefilte, not have him run off to catch one while you’re Chuppa-weaving.4 The Big Oreo vs. Hydrox Tsimmis. –Let’s get it straight already. Hydrox came first! Oreos became kosher in 1998. Boom! This debate between the Oreonians and the Hydroxians is … stale. Besides, who would prefer a cookie with a name that sounds like a sump pump (“Marvin… the basement’s flooded! Get out the Hydrox”)! Worse, their farshtinkener ad people tried a comeback and named it … “Droxies” in 1999, going from “sump pump” to a debilitating “medical condition” only suffered by old men in Russia who retain too much Stolichnaya. Arewe surprised it lasted just four years? Face it. When it comes to Hydrox, it’s Gefilte has not only jumped, it’s gone fartik! If We Jews need to hock each other, better to make it about something important such as the Latke vs. the Hamantash.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.5 Jews Run Hollywood. –Was it just me, or were you also sitting, mouths open (think audience during “Springtime For Hitler”) when at the 2013 Oscars hosted by Seth MacFarlane, his animated teddy bear Ted told the world that to advance his career, his real name is “Theodore Shapiro” saying: “I would like to donate money to Israel and continue to work in Hollywood forever. “ Oh … and he riffed those “secret synagogue meetings.” Now that’s a knee-slapper. And the winners of the Biggies? Day-Lewis, Clooney, Hathaway Ang Lee, Waltz, Terrio, Tarantino, Jennifer Lawrence (and no, she’s not), Affleck (and no he’s not). Ok, true, Grant Hezlov an Argo producer, is. But, even Jews for Jesus couldn’t get a Minyan here. Hey, MacFarlane! Goldwyn and Mayer are dead. The affront? Not only is this stereotype older than “The Jazz Singer,” not only do We Jews have enough meshugas cliches to worry about … but -worse – the joke laid such an egg, you’d couldn’t make a gefilte, never mind jump one.So, if you, my dear readers, know a Jewish trend that now looks like those dried out spots on your gefilte … share, mamalas!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/48969541.htmlJunk CheerDec 27, 2008by Marnie Winston-MacauleyI ufn w a nt e dm ai il s \"J u n kM a il, \"I 've o ecind ap r e orha sfu n w a nt ed ho lid a y c a r d s--\"J u n k Cheer. \"I recently got a \"Holiday\" Card in the mail. It was from my plumber. It read, \"May Your Holiday be filled with Cheer and bring you toilets that are clear ... BUT IF NOT, CALL VITO AT 555- CLOG.\" What's worse, Vito didn't even send me a calendar this year.Which brings me to a seasonal gripe. Junk cheer.This year we received 57 missives. Eight were from people we actually know, and 49 were from people who want to know us -- through the magic of medical plans, aluminum siding, or debt consolidation. My family insists we hang them so we look popular, even though a card from Mutual of Medicare isn't quite a Hallmark moment.A card from Mutual of Medicare isn't quite a Hallmark moment.Worse, are the family portrait-hyphen-biography \"cards.\" Don't get me wrong. I like \"catching up\" with friends, and those with whom I share a strand of DNA. I'm glad to read that Cousin Freda's finallygot those braces off and can eat solids for the first time in three years. Ditto for any pal whose year involved either an audience with Barbra Streisand or a jail sentence. A short snappy \"biopic\" of up to four lines from people I actually know, are fine.Five? You're a bore or an ego-maniac.The Bibbikins (I'm disguising their real name) are both. I met them at a 1989 lecture on Israeli archeology. Yet every year, I get a photo documentary on \"The Bibbikins.\" I've seen shorter travel logs. This year I was treated to their tour of a dairy farm in Vilnius.\"How could you possibly be bored?!\" asks my son, incredulous the one who thinks–Innovations in Butter Churning should be on the check-out line next to the Inquirer.\"Maybe I'm shallow,\" I say, as I shove \"The Bibbikins\" into my \"special\" file folder. No, not the round one with the little mustard packets and string.–

Then, there are the ones that come from Ira. He's a writer pal who can actually pay his bills and have enough left over to send these evil cards. I call him \"Itinerary Ira\" because I know (and see) where he's been for the last 51 weeks, and where's he's going for the next 51. None of which involves dropping in on me.\"Wow! Looks like Ira's got a meeting with Speilberg on the 25th!\"\"Big deal. I've got one with my plumber on the fifth,\" I answer. \"You're just jealous!\"\"True. My plumber's harder to reach than Speilberg.\"To their credit, at least \"The Bibbikens\" and Ira limit their pictorials to the immediate family.The Messling's missive looks like the Zoa tribe.The Messling's missive looks like the Zoa tribe. My college anthropology professor studied fewer generations than they send on their holiday cards. To make matters worse, there's a summary of everyMessling's accomplishments on the back of their photo-journal. First up, Martin Messling (named CEO by old man Messling), sitting next to step-sister Myrna Messling (who just –launched Messlingers magazine), who is holding grand-twins, Morganna and Malthus (who just learned to burp themselves), who are the children of -- but you get my point.Sadly, I have more photos of the Messlings than I have of my own son.Now, you could say, \"C'mon, just toss the itineraries, the biographies, and the photo libraries into that \"circular file folder.\" Ah...But therein lies my problem.I can't.My Jewish guilt has made me shredding-challenged. Believe me, I've tried. Oh yes. I've rounded up all these families of strangers, cut them in two, stuck them in a baggie, and deposited these bores and their heirs in the bin.But then, in the middle of the night, I got up, sweating, and tiptoed into the garbage to –scotch tape little Morganna and Malthus Messling back together.Why? Because they were nice enough to send them? Wrong.Because maybe they'll call -- or some terrible curse shall befall them. Two little Messlings ... gone! Zapped into the Twilight Zone because I ripped them up!So, I've finally given in.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Instead of stashing the holiday cards and biopics this year, I've decided they're \"art.\" That empty wall in the hall I was saving for a Chagall (OK, print) is now filled. With 11 pictures of \"us\" and 89 of \"them.\" As for the rest? I bought color-coordinated albums. I'm going with –mahogany for \"The Bibbikens,\" and I was thinking deep purple with a gold border for the Messlings.I've even forgiven my plumber for not sending a calendar. The way I see it, at least he didn't send a fruitcake.Or a holiday pictorial of 20 VITOS \"unclogging\" on their way through Sicily.FOR THE PERFECT HOLIDAY GIFT(S) DON'T SEND A CARD. Send instead, A CALENDAR!Marnie Winston-Macauley's award-winning \"A Little Joy, A Little Oy\" calendar (2009), and \"Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother.\" Both of which can be purchased at your bookstore or online on Amazon.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Kronks-List-The-Jewish-Craigslist.htmlKronk’s List: The Jewish CraigslistJan 21, 2017by Marnie Winston-MacauleyTwo side-by-side elite cemetery plots in the Maimonides Memorial Cemetery in Beverly Hills, not far from Rodeo!Who doesn’t have a love/hate relationship with Craigslist? Personally, I find the variety of stuff and species relaxing to look through when going through the stress of deciding “Should I or Shouldn’t I” finish the last piece of (OK the whole) strudel.Fascinating, but should I find something, say a bookcase, oy vey. First I have to make an appointment, then shlep. I’m no Magellan, so I usually have to go around Utah to find the house down the street. Finally I arrive. The case that looked in the picture like it came from Glick’s in person was more “Gluck’s.” Oh, and I forgot I had to hire an 18-wheeler and two Sumo wrestlers to move it.Once I found a gorgeous photo of a pair of my shoes on the list that I figured a nasty visitor stole from me. More, she had the chutzpa to use her real name on the email.That’s not to say I haven’t found bargains. One bargain guy, however, gave me counterfeit change. Let’s just say, the Justice Department is involved.So aside from the trust issue, the “stuff,” isn’t, face it – for We Jews. When did you hear your rebbe ask for say, a Kawasaki ZX6 636 Wiring Harness, or “good as new batteries?” A re-made U-Haul engine?? An assortment of used tires?Which is how I came upon Yidtown. It’s the newest “Jewish” Craigslist. So I called their macher, Ardy Zara, a lovely man, who explained to me that Yidtown is completely free with the goal of bringing Jews closer together. Plus, the way I figure, I won’t have to flip through

any nativity scenes for sale.So, I thought … what kinds of things would We Jews want to see, sell, and buy that truly reflects ? After all, we were born with many special attributes. One, which has mutated –usover thousands of years, is our keen gene for shopping. True, it started from starvation and running, which required us to develop superior observational powers. “Look! There’s a berry.” We invented that.I kept thinking and also searched Yidtown. I named mine Kronk’s List, so I shouldn’t plagiarize.KRONK’S LIST: ALLTOPIC: BUSINESS DIRECTORYShark Tank Partner! Looking for a not too busy Jewish genius in Miami to help me invent a thingy that when you press your keys, an antennae goes up on the top of your car so you can find your 1999 Caddy in the parking lot during The Early Bird. I supply the idea. You, get some of the gelt. It’s perfect for Shark Tank. [email protected]: TCHOTCHKES FOR SALEHanukkah Candles: A lot. Make Your Hanukkah Distinctive. Semi-used.Last year, while on a tour of Israel, I was so overcome, I bought 36 boxes of authentic Israeli Hanukkah Candles. Who knew our next stop would be Kibbutz Tirat Tzvi, where, at 130 degrees, the Arctic Sea would become the Dead Sea in two minutes flat? The candles, nebuch, got a little bent. I tried one and it did mostly stand in a non-electric Menorah. In fact the effect is … like candles having a conversation. My husband isn’t a talker. So, I’ll let the 36 boxes go for half … five dollars a box.TOPIC: RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTSBar Mitzvah Kippahs! For When Your Mazik Becomes a Man: Available: 150. Used.Melvin and I are downsizing. We’re moving from a 2500 square foot in Riverdale to a tiny Bungalow in a Box in Spring Valley. We saw it on “Shtetls & Gardens” on the Jewish Channel. Meanwhile, we have to choose, toss, and decide. When we opened the room in which we raised our beloved son, we found 275 Bar Mitzvah kippahs. (He was very popular.) We measured the bungalow and we can keep 125 – if we don’t add a sink. We’re only asking$325 … so we can afford a tiny custom-made hidden medicine holder. (Note: Just tell guests the different names are a tribute to former Bar Mitzvahs boys. We Jews never forget!) [email protected] Side-by-side Elite Cemetery Plots in the Maimonides Memorial Cemetery in Beverly Hills, not far from Rodeo!!

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Mazel. My rotten is your good. The “get” came through. Shlomo and I are no longer a couple, nebuch. For Hanukkah last year my parents bought us two plots you can die from with everything included: Endowment care opening/closing, prime granite stone marker installation, outer burial container – you name it. You can. A nice place to visit, plus you’ll be the envy of all who knew you. [email protected]: POLITICAL CHAZZERAIClinton vs. Trump “None of The Above” Button. Very Rare. Used.I can get my hands on another 500,000. Specify language. [email protected]: THE KASHER KONNECTION: FOODOriginal Hydrox Unopened. New-ish. Year: 1999.For those of you, like me, who would kill for a Hydrox over an Oreo, have I got for you! Hydroxophiles know the greatest cookie was discontinued in 1999 after Keebler bought … and then Kellogg came along. Oy, our cookie was resourced so many times, would you trust the new one that came out again 16 years later?? Would it have the tang, the not so sweet white stuff, the stiffness? Well I saved 15 boxes. OK, I ate 14. There’s one left. It could be the only one on the planet from 1999! (You may want to plate and hang, instead of eat it.) [email protected]: JEWISH BOOKS AND CALENDARS BY MARNIE MACAULEY!If you want the best in Jewish humor books and calendars I have just the thing(s). Mom’s … wait, Marnie Macauley’s books and calendars! She tells me they’re the funniest things I never read. Better, each one is personally autographed!! I have 150. New, opened only once so she could write the autograph. On Amazon, some are worth $2500, but most go at $60. I don’t know why. I’ll let the lot go for only $3000!! [email protected]

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Like_Totally_Awesome.htmlLike Totally AwesomeSep 10, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyMillennial-Speak: Totally awesome ways to butcher an already totally awesome language.Last week I was in the local college cafeteria and struck up a “conversation” with a student. He was telling me about choosing a major.“So the padre wants me to be a doctor. Chem? O-M-G. I mean I was like freaking! I literally had to take a moment, ya’ know? OK, so I met this dude and him and me connected! I’m so over medicine. He gave me this awesome idea – to major in English.”“He gave me this totally awesome idea major in English.”-- “Later,” he added, leaving with his Smoothie. What “later?” I missed out on the present.This week I found myself e-mailing a young client who “lol’s” and “IMHOs” a lot. When I re-read it, tomy horror, noticed I wrote “kewl” and “totally” twice, then inserted three Smiley faces, and used :) or): seven times. I have no idea if they mean happy, sad, laughing, screaming, yet here I was “talking” tweenie toon ’n text.-True, each generation undergoes a period of linguistic rebellion that fortunately fades around the legal drinking age (to help us forget “groovy,” “splitsville,” “Daddy O!” and 23 skidoo”).-And true, some of these words have remained with us. But today, in our attention deficit digital world, are 80 million \"millennials\" or Gen-Yers attempting to add new concepts to the lexicon? No. Their entire mission is to a: shorten, b) lengthen to buy time to shorten, c) create hysteria to make themselves reality-TV-worthy In this new short-speak who has time to say a . whole word, or think of more than three adjectives? I mean really, , did Elizabeth B. Browning need to count like, all the ways she “Loved Thee” when she could’ve written: “UR Awesome?”I’m offended. Yes, I’m offended as an American, as a writer, and mostly as a literate Boomer, who thought I was suffering from a small aneurism when I accidentally tuned in to Snooki on Jersey Shore. For those similarly offended, I bring you …

THE MOST OBNOXIOUS MILLENNIAL-SPEAKFillers, head-splitters, or “so nu, say something nu already! Nu?”Joining the always fascinating “ …ummmm” and “uhhh ...” which have no place in a sentence unless you’re conducting a séance or in the lotus position, the millennials have created new ways to say absolutely nothing … repeatedly.Most likely to make you dizzy: They were like at my door and said, ‘like … wanna hang’ and … well, so I was … like ‘Ya’ know … I mean … UGH! … So anyways …Unless of course there’s an impediment involved, this selective verbal tourette is catching and capable of creating seizures in the listener.Adjverbs & “Nounsense” Anyone?Wordsmiths have played with parts of speech with “amazing” results. Dr. Seuss alone created a generation of creative grammarians who have managed to Hyper-size, thereby elevating the simplest feeling to “diva worthy.”-*“Those jeans are awesome! Amazing!” The discovery of Black Holes was amazing, awesome. The discovery of designer holes in your black jeans –not.*“I am soo done with/soo over her.” This redundancy suggests you’re soo not done that it will take another 17 “soo overs” till it’s “soo done.”*“When he asked me out I actually/literally died.” In which case, you’ll be a cheap date.Literally.* “Dude, that was one fierce mint.” Unless it was made of plutonium, “minty” (along with anything that doesn’t involve tigers or a tsunami) isn’t mighty, and you’re a wuss.*“I’ll sooo freak out if I can’t get those Nike Air Force 1’s!” If the inability to afford Presidential plane sneakers is a “bummer” capable of sending tweenies spewing pea soup, their parents should be “freaking.”*“That hair cut makes you look totally amazing. All you need is Acne-Be-Gone, and a retainer to look awesome, totally.” May I suggest the new term for the not totally “totally” be “wholly totally.”*“Stop Barack-ing.” “He’s totally Mubarak-ing.” Turning VIPPYS into “adjverbs” may be kewl, assuming you read enough news to know who you’re talking about with whom, which you don’t if you’re busy turning people into parts of speech.“Obnoxiacon”

The millennials have shown genius in creating sarcastic speedy “nasty isms.” My pick for the -four most obnoxious:“Ya' think …?” “Hel-o-oooo?!” “Duh!” “Whatever.”Translation: “You’re wayyy too stupid to live.”“Whatever whateva” () has achieved the rarefied status of being the most noxious in some polls. If you’re too stupid to live, they’re too stupid to care.“We got bin Laden!” “Whatever.”“I need brain surgery.” “Whatever.”“Your girlfriend’s chatting on “Singles & Looking.” “ DUH! Whatever.”Teeth Grinders: The Pompous, Ponderous, PlatitudesNot all ear-bleeders are caused or used by Gen-Yers. Here is my list of the totally annoying we hear from news people and colleagues.*“It is what it is.” Mamalas you’re no Gertrude Stein.*“Closure.” Achieved only when they lower the coffin.*“Toxic” If people are –pui-- poisoning you? Move!*“Agree to Disagree” He’s an idiot altogether.*“The Bottom Line” You couldn’t have started at the top?*“Going Forward …” And I was looking to go backwards?*“Think Outside the Box” Why were you inside a furshlugginer box in the first place!?* “Empowered” Head straight to OA (Oprah Anonymous). It’s the highest rated show on OWN–after the “empowerment” of Fergie and the O’Neals.So…my solution to this hideous lingo butchering is simple. Say it right in English, and for those “opinion” moments, say it in Yiddish. Yes! Every word, every expression in glorious Mama-loshen is a thesaurus!All you have to know are: “Oy,” “oy-oy-oy,” “Ai-ai-ai!” “Aha!” and “Hoo ha!”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.“When he asked me out I literally died” “Ai ai ai!” “That dude is so kewl.” “Hoo ha!”“You threw me under the bus” “Aha!” “I am sooo freaked.” “Oy-oy-oy!!!!”That’s it. We Jews may not be big “hummers or mumblers” but passion? Making a magnificent tsimmis over everything from a good flanken to a bad one, is a linguistic specialty. And with a little inflection and fine-tuning, you can make Yiddish-speak suitable to all occasions!

https://www.aish.com/ho/i/Little-known_facts_about_The_Third_Reich.htmlLittle-known facts about The Third ReichApr 30, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyS ome esselr - k n o w n fa c t s ,odda a llin ces,a nd da r in gresc u esd u r in g th eh i rd Reich.There is testimony. There are libraries, institutions, memorials, dedications, films, documentaries. Thousands of historians, economists, film-makers, researchers, sociologists, and psychologists have spent lifetimes attempting to make sense of the singular, targeted inhumanity of the Holocaust. And the search for answers will continue. It must continue to not only remember and honor its victims, but through trying to grapple with the incomprehensible -- how a civilized culture fell into in the abyss of evil there are critical –lessons for the future of all who value justice, truth, and the value of a single human life.Over the course of the last 20 years my own research has turned up some lesser-known facts, odd alliances, and daring rescues during the Third Reich, some you may know, and some may be new. I present them to you now.The Mischlinge: Hitler’s \"Jewish\" Soldiers“Mischlinge” was the Nazi term for people who did not have full Aryan ancestry according to the Nuremberg Laws. According to Bryan Mark Rigg’s, Hitler's Jewish Soldiers: The Untold Story of Nazi Racial Laws and Men of Jewish Descent in the German Military, as Hitler was moving toward the extermination of Jews, approximately 150,000 mishchlinge, many of them with Jewish blood, served even in the upper echelons of the Germany military via exemptions in Aryan law. Former chancellor Helmut Schmidt, for example, was in the Luftwaffe. Another, was field marshal Erhard Milch.The question of their knowledge of Hitler’s mission and helplessness is a prominent theme. For example, the mischling soldier who visited Jewish relatives before they were deported to a camp, not knowing then that \"deportation\" meant death. By 1944, racial purity laws were tightened and many mischlinge died in the camps. Survivors were often rejected by the Jewish community.

General Patton’s Myth?In late June, 1999, California’s Huntington Library revealed it had Hitler’s infamous Nuremburg Racial Laws. Yet where was the document for 54 years? In Bloodlines, author Tony Platt explodes the story of General Patton blazing into Nuremburg and finding the papers in a safe. Platt found it was Martin Dannenberg, a Jewish man, who actually unearthed the document.At age 90, Dannenberg reported that his three-man counter-intelligence team found it in Eichstatt, not Nuremburg, then gave it to Patton’s intelligence chief with the understanding it would be sent to Supreme Headquarters, Allied Expeditionary Force. Instead, it wound up in Patton’s trophy case, then into Huntington’s vault. Platt believes it was not Patton’s anti- Semitism but his desire for glory and loot that led him to grab the document. Subsequently, it was sent to the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles, where the photo of Patton has been replaced in their exhibition with one of a young Dannenberg.Berlin’s Jewish Hospital SurvivedBerlin’s Jewish Hospital remained opened in Nazi Germany, as horror poured down on Europe’s Jews. Staffed by Jews treating Jews, it survived Kristallnacht, the “Final Solution” and remains to this day. This remarkable story is told by Daniel Silver in Refuge in Hell, even as many don’t believe it. Silver himself was dumbstruck when he heard of the hospital’s existence, also known to Adolph Eichmann who overrode orders to close it down. In interviewing survivors, he alleges that under Dr. Walter Lustig (a Prussian Jew), the staff made the \"best\" of a worsening situation. Once a top Berlin facility, it became a clearinghouse for Jews facing transport to the camps. The Nazis wanted the Jews “healthy” before murdering them. Also, as many patients and staff came from mixed backgrounds the Nazis hesitated to anger “Aryan” relatives. Lustig, part villain, part hero, was shot at war’s end by the Russians.Odd Alliances: The Fuhrer’s DoctorDr. Eduard Bloch treated Adolph Hitler’s family during Hitler’s childhood and figured prominently in Adolph’s mother, Klara Hitler’s battle with breast cancer. According to an interview with Dr. Bloch in 1941, at a Nazi party conference in 1937, Hitler inquired as to news of Bloch, referring to him as an “Edlejude” -- a noble Jew. He reportedly stated aloud, “If all Jews were like him, there would be no Jewish question.” In 1938, after Hitler annexed Austria, he assisted in the immigration of Bloch to the U.S.The Strange Case of Abraham Reuel, a.k.a. Ex-Nazi, Karl Heinz Schneider

Trained as a member of the Hitler youth, German Karl Heinz Schneider joined the Nazi air force at age 18, intending to do his duty. Until he saw Nazi storm troopers killing a group of Jews, as a rabbi clutched a Torah tightly as while dying. The true horror of the Nazis revealed, he started to disobey orders and sabotage bombs. Deeply affected by the atrocities, after the war he worked for 20 years as a penance, giving two-thirds of his salary to groups that helped Jewish orphaned survivors. He also began attending synagogue services. After the 20 years, he sold everything and bought a farm in Israel.Finally, he approached rabbinical authorities in Haifa and asked to be converted. Astonished by his claims, the rabbis investigated. When they verified his story, he was allowed to study and ultimately became Jewish and a citizen of Israel.Himmler’s “Magician”A most unusual story is that of Felix Kersten, a Finn of Baltic German origin, who became Heinrich Himmler’s medical “magician,” treating the Nazi’s abdominal problems – and manipulating him into saving thousands of Jewish lives He not only talked Himmler into . refraining from demanding the Finnish government turn Jews over to the Nazis, but arranged a meeting between Himmler and Swedish World Jewish Congress member Norbert Masur.This resulted in Himmler’s agreement to decline Hitler’s order to murder the 60,000 Jews remaining in camps, days before liberation. In 1953, Kersten was granted Swedish citizenship. The Dutch heaped honors upon him including a nomination for a Nobel Peace prize.Lubavitcher rebbe Saved by German OfficersOne of the most unusual rescues is that of Lubavitcher Rebbe, Joseph Isaac Schneersohn and his family who escaped from Warsaw to the U.S., thanks to German officers Ernest Bloch, a mischlinge, and Admiral Wilhelm Canaris, head of Nazi intelligence. They were assigned the rescue task by Helmut Wohlthat (head of Goring's Four-Year Plan) upon urging of the American Lubavitcher community, and the intervention of the American consul general in Berlin. Despite close calls, the rebbe made it to New York. As for his rescuers, in 1944, Bloch, as all Mischlinges, was dismissed from duty, but stayed to defend Berlin, and was killed in April, 1945. Canaris continued his intelligence work, while helping Jews and opposing Hitler. After an assassination attempt on the Fuhrer, Canaris was convicted of treason and hanged by the SS in April, 1945.The SS Man and The Jew1944, St. Julien, France: A surviving victim of Himmler’s SS murderous rampage was Kurt Keiser-Blueth. He was hiding in a haystack. Walter Berndt, the SS man who woke him with his bayonet, was shocked to discover the identity of the hiding Jew.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.In Walter's youth, he was Kurt’s best friend, protector and defender of democracy. “What happened to your love of freedom?” asked Kurt.“I had to choose between freedom and security. I chose security, for myself and for my nation.”The voices of more SS men grew close.Kurt turned pale. “Deliver me to the other murderers. This is your duty.” “Yes ... my duty,” Walter repeated slowly.He offered his hand to Kurt who refused to take it. Walter went outside and told his comrades, “There’s no one here. ... Let’s go.”A country isn’t a rock, and it isn’t an extension of one’s self. It’s what it stands for, when standing for something is the most difficult. Before the people of the world, let it now be noted in our decision here that this is what we stand for: Justice, Truth. and the value of a single human being. Excerpted from Judgment at Nuremberg

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/ManSpeak-Vs-WomanSpeak-2.htmlManSpeak Vs. WomanSpeak 2Feb 21, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyMen whatever you do, never tell your wife that her clothes look, or her food tastes “fine.”In Part I, we looked at those “little” things that divide men and women. Despite any psychobabble hogwash, trust me, these gender differences are in the DNA, so unless you’ve cracked some secret code, men and woman are not the same. After having been married for over 30 years, with a son and a brother, you learn a little something about the sexes. Not only are our hormones different, we’re wired differently for sound. We think we speak same language. We don’t.Women see truth in black and white. Men see more shades that the Dutch Boy.Before you pelt me with PC pamphlets, unlike sitcoms, I do not believe in the “Men-Are-Too- Stupid-To-Live” stereotype. I adore the male. I was blessed with a gifted, loving father, and have knownand worked with remarkable men … even if theydidn’t want to spend an hour watching me act out the antics of the vilda chaya with 30 bottles of diet soda and matzo ball soup on the “Ten items” check out counter, or listen to my hour treatise on why I cry during “Terms of -Endearment”.It’s biology. Most males are not tuned-in to the female’s talents for circular, continuous debate; understanding why we adore chick flicks like “Thelma and Louise,” need a companion to go to a restaurant bathroom, or why when they just split checks, we suddenly become The

Department of the Treasury. (“Okay, I had the tuna melt ... that’s $3.48; Rachel had the diet seltzer and the pickle ... $1.36. Bambi had the 4 vodkas ... that’s 8.15.-= 12.99. We can split the penny 4 ways”).So, once again, mamalas, I wrote a few of these differences. If I’m wrong, it might at least account for why the deli man puts at least two papers in between my pastrami when weighing.MANSPEAK VS. WOMANSPEAKTOTAL TRUTH:FEMALE: “So, Irving. Where exactly did you go for lunch today?”MALE: “Esther, with such a day, do you expect me to remember? Maybe I ate in. Or out.” ANALYSIS: Women see truth in two colors: black or white. (Now, that doesn’t mean we never exaggerate or bend the truth a bissel. The difference is we know we’re “bending.” We say to ourselves, “God don’t punish me, but I told Irving my sister can stand him, when she really said, ‘OK, I can stand your Irving – on Pesach.’” The male, on the other hand generally has more shades of truth than Dutch Boy. I call it “Crayola Truth.” However, they don’t think of it -as lying. No. They omit, delete, or forgot because they claim it’s a “minor detail.” For a female, a “minor detail” is say, forgetting to mention his good shirt is at the cleaners. For a male, it could be forgetting to mention his entire family is flying in for Pesach. Watch:(The day before Pesach):Irving: “Oh by the way Esther, did I mention we should set more places for Pesach?” Esther: “Who, and how many?”Irving: “Em … my cousins, the Luftmentches are all coming … maybe 27.” Esther: “Wha!? Why didn’t you tell me?!”Irving: (SWEATING) “Listen, so I ‘forgot?’ What’s a few more people? A minor detail, right?”KETCHUP KONNECTION:FEMALE: “Irving darling … I have another bottle of Heinz – from Costco. We also have 50 packets in a baggie, so I threw out the five empty bottles you put upside down in the fridge.” MALE: “You did what?! Esther they were not empty altogether. If you had patience and let –them drip, we could consolidate and we’d have enough for spaghetti.”ANALYSIS: True, we women will stash stuff in packets. Tying them all up in a baggie makes sense to a person in case of ketchup emergency. But waiting to get the last drop from five upside down bottles? First, by the time that happens, we’ll all be living in New Israel – on Mars. (Show me one person who ever got the-very-last drop.) Yet many males consider tossing a bottle with a milliliter of red a wasteful shanda, and the throwee, a spendthrift. In

more extreme cases they’re waiting for a universal ketchup shortage, and will they clean up?! Of course some are working on this as a project in a sanitarium, next to their lanyards on which they’ll also make a killing.APPEARANCE 1: WEIGHTFEMALE: “Listen Irving, I didn’t want to mention, but maybe I should as I care about your health. You’ve gained a few pounds, figure 30 over the last few years.”MALE: “You’re meshugge Esther! I just measured yesterday and I’m the same around as I was when we got married!”ANALYSIS: True, he measured. Around his knees. For many females a weight gain of five pounds has us running (OK, shuffling), bending, and eating seaweed. The average male, however, looks in the mirror and sees Prince Charmingsky. The fact that his belt has gone up five sizes is, he will explain in great political detail, a plot by the garment manufacturing industry who make up new sizes to corner the belt market which is part of the great clothing conspiracy against the Jews.APPEARANCE 2: HAIRFEMALE: “So Irving … you’re losing a little hair. Big deal. Will you stop already with the chemicals, and wrapping onion and garlic juice around your head! I feel like I’m sleeping with a leftover brisket! More, those chemicals you turned in your IRA to buy made your feet swell like cantaloupes.”MALE: “AHA! So you think I’m bald too! Esther tell me. Has my hairline receded since yesterday? Look. No. Get the magnifying glass! Could it be my forehead is increasing?! I read things get bigger as you age?!”ANALYSIS: True, we women want nice, shiny hair and will get a convenient, attractive cut that suits us and is natural looking (if we’re over 40). Many sane, competent men, however, will not only geshrei should they see a “thinning,” but try to “fix” it by:growing one hair long enough to circle their bald spot like linguini. spray on phony “hair” for that ever popular patent leather effect.attach an auburn rug on their head with Crazy Glue that rolls under on top, and flaps should someone blow on them. Undetectable, right? Millions of men walking around looking like a Shih Tzu landed on them. These same men look in the mirror and say: “Perfect.” God forbid they should be air traffic controllers.All of this is why, in addition to a sign of deep respect, the yarmulke should always be worn as a fashion statement.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.“FINE”:FEMALE: “So Irving, I slaved like a dog over this brisket, wasn’t it delicious?”MALE: “It was fine, Esther.”ANALYSIS: If there’s one word most women loathe, it’s when a man says “fine” about us. To the male, “fine” is a safe word. It’s not too dramatic in case they’re not sure what you’re asking. For example, if we hate our hair cut, and he says, “Nice” – this is not a good thing. To a female, “fine” is used when the plumber installs a new sump pump and says: “Lady, you want it here?” We say “Fine.” If we’re in the hospital and the nurse fluffs our pillow, “fine” is also okay. But when we’ve just prepared a 12 course meal or had a complete make-over and a male says “fine,” it means we don’t have spinach hanging from our teeth or are trailing bathroom tissue on the heel of our shoe. Trust me. It’s much better to risk it. The words “gorgeous,” “beautiful,” “stunning,” “WOW” and “There never was, nor will there ever be, a brisket as succulent as the one you made” are acceptable.Should you have your own faves, by all means add to this list and share in comments below. All answers are … fine.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/ManSpeak-Vs-WomanSpeak.htmlManSpeak Vs. WomanSpeakFeb 14, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyMen and women think we speak the same language. We don’t.V-Day has come and gone. As a Jew I didn’t “celebrate” it. This “holiday” has been forced down our throats like a feeding tube. It starts at age five when in public school the kindergarten teacher tells the kids to bring in cards and you’re always the one who gets only two: one from the class nerd, the other from the teacher.“One block away” to a man really means one block on Pluto which is actually equivalent to seven earth miles.Aside from the emotional scarring, February 14 , thdid make me think of men and woman. After having been married for over 30 years, with a son and a brother, you learn a little something about the sexes.Not only are our hormones different, we’re wireddifferently for sound. We think we speak samelanguage. We don’t.I first noticed it while writing “soap opera” guys on As the World Turns. Think Ken dolls. On an anniversary, they actually made a plan, went to a store, wrapped something. A “soap” doctor would walk out during heart surgery if his wife texted him: “We need to talk.” Not only did they have a meaningful conversation, they noticed if their wives had a cavity filled. “Oh darling … thank heavens they could save your third molar!”Then I looked at my husband and realized, I could walk into the room in a full body cast and he might say: ”You changed?”

Soap husbands and wives were always meeting for lunch. When was the last time you met your husband for “lunch” on a Tuesday? Ah yes. When they were pouring me into the body cast. My husband ate my Jell-O. All of which explains why most soap writers are female.I love the differences between the sexes, as perplexing as they may be. But I’d much prefer “You changed?” to a so called “metrosexual” male who get all -ferklempt over a new Swiffer.So, for you mamalas, I wrote a few of these differences down. True it may not be PC, but chances are at least all will be offended equally.MANSPEAK VS. WOMANSPEAKFIXING THINGS:FEMALE: “Oy Irving. Enough already with your head under the boiler. Call someone who might not blow us up.”MALE: “Esther, please. I know what I’m doing! Why should I spend $100 on a service call when all I have to do is light a match?” (Oy.)ANALYSIS: Females know things break. It’s one of the universe’s natural laws. It’s not my fault or your fault, but a 30 year old boiler that hasn’t been serviced since the Clinton era will eventually spit out evil stuff. Males on the other hand, not only think they’re Bob Vila, but take things breaking down as a personal act of terrorism. Many have resorted to hitting, banging, and clopping the item so it will apologize, admit it was thoughtless, and start working again, despite the fact that everything they try to fix explodes and shuts down traffic lights in three counties.LONG DISTANCES:FEMALE: “Irving! We’re in a monsoon here. Let’s get a taxi already?”MALE: “A taxi?! Esther are you meshuggah? The theater’s only a block away!ANALYSIS: Right. On Pluto. It’s a Pluto block which on Earth equals seven miles. If you ask a male how far it is from Brooklyn to Miami? A block and a half, tops. This of course is why the male has trouble with directions. If he divides what the GPS tells him into seven and drives through alleys, he thinks he can turn a 60 mile trip into eight. Of course it will take three hours as he’s in the wrong state.SHOPPING:FEMALE: “Here Irving darling. I knew you wanted that Yiddish app made in Israel. So a month ago I ordered it. Happy Anniversary!”MALE: “Esther, I know you like Jean Nate so I bought you a vat, like last year.”ANALYSIS: This strange inability to shop comes from their hunter days when the only thing the male shopped for were bows, arrows, and bison. Higher order shopping is very complicated. It requires paying attention and noticing, which many can’t do. I found it’s best

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.to send a man to stores followed by “‘R Us” or “City” as in “Gems ‘R Us” or “Cashmere City.” This way, even if they don’t know what they came for they can’t make a mistake. TIP FOR FEMALES: Don’t get overly enthused if he gets you dusting powder or from that day forward, you’ll get enough Jean Nate to blanket the Dead Sea.MAIL/E-MAIL:FEMALE: “Irving, we got a nice card from Tante Bessie in Boca. Her hip replacement went very well.MALE: “Nice. So did we get anything from the Publishers Clearing House yet?!”ANALYSIS: For the average male, mail takes on a mystical significance real, in cyberspace or –someone else’s. Many have a relationship with the mailperson that come in second to their honeymoon. If heaven forbid they don’t get something, my neighbor, Blanche’s husband would phone the Post Master General and geshrai. Mine swooned over things for “Occupant.” He loved waiting for AL, our postman to bring in 10 catalogs on things like “The Life of the Blowfish” and a million dollars from the 4000 sweepstakes he entered. He actually waited for the Prize Patrol to pull up, even when I explained he had a better chance of being struck by lightning in the Gobi. We didn’t come up exactly empty. We got a $2 cubic zirconia, for which he paid 500 for an aluminum setting, an invite to tour a vacation home in Bosnia, and maroon luggage made of saran wrap.Now, this is all not to say we women don’t have our quirks, our little obsessions, our tiny hormonal moments, but in fairness, we don’t usually get a thrill seeing four bottles of empty ketchup upside down in the fridge. Far more logical to take a few or 20 from a fast-food place and tie them neatly in a baggie with the 200 Kikkoman soy sauces.

https://www.aish.com/j/as/Marilyn_Michaels_Jewish_Show_Biz_Royalty.htmlMarilyn Michaels: Jewish Show Biz RoyaltyJun 18, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyAn interview with a star of stage and screen with real \"yichus” -- lineage.Award-winning comedienne, singer, impressionist, actress, and artist, Marilyn Michaels, knew she was “different” early. Voden? After all, Marilyn comes from major Yiddish show biz yichus with the DNA to prove it. She’s the daughter of the late feisty cantoress Fraydele Oysher, and Metropolitan Opera basso, Harold Sternberg. Her uncle was the legendary Moishe Oysher. If others were “born in a trunk,” Marilyn was born somewhere between the Yiddish Theater and the Derma Road (the Catskills).Marilyn was born somewhere between Yiddish Theater at the Catskills.Says Marilyn: “Different? When I was three, we were vacationing in a kuchalayn (a cottage in the Catskills). While my family was out playing cards, thinking I was tucked safely in my crib, I climbedout, and walked outside onto the dark road. A carcame careening around a curve. What did I do when I saw the headlights coming toward me? Did I run? No. I sang and danced! To me they were spotlights! Voden?“Different?” Yes. And that difference has won her awards for Catskills On Broadway, the starring role in the national company of Funny Girl, an Emmy winning TV series, The Kopykats, and countless guest appearances from Lifestyles with Robin Leach to The Tonight Show.Marilyn has performed in virtually every major venue from Town Hall, to Harrahs, singing in no less than five languages.Marilyn is also an accomplished painter whose artworks are shown in fine galleries. Her famous art poster, The Fabulous Blondes, depicts a mural consisting of movie goddesses.I recently asked Marilyn to talk about her life, her work, and of course, her legacy.Q#1. Marilyn, what was it like being “different” – wildly talented and part of a special family?

MM: I was always a strange kid. Always singing … from birth. I walked on stage in my diapers! I was sent to sleep away camp at age five. I hated it. The counselors particularly hated me because they had to braid my pigtails every morning. But, they recognized that I had talent or whatever, because I was always starring in the camp shows… ya know? Like “Tick Tock” or whatever. What a little ham I was (This is a Jewish site, but I was still a “ham!”) After one show, I parted the curtain and took a solo curtain call for myself! Such chutzpah!–My mother prided herself in keeping me a “normal” child by sending me to “regular” school… like they thought maybe I’d become a what? Nurse? Or a physicist? I didn’t fit in. I felt like a pariah. There was a group of good looking girls, who ignored me. I was an outsider, and, as many successful people was not part of the “IN group. Then, one holiday, the teacher asked if anyone could “do” something for the class. Like, ahem, perform? So, of course I marched up there and blew them away. The kids ran up to give me their Christmas stockings filled with candy! At that moment I realized what power I really had. And it had to do with performing.When I grew up, those girls who ignored me back then came to my shows and were all over me.Q#2. What was it like being raised by these icons and how did it affect your career choice?MM: Well, from the time I was one, I lived in the theater. Watching my mother on stage, that glamorous figure, her beauty, power, and grace, I was transfixed. The rest of the time I’d spend at the Metropolitan Opera where my father was a basso profundo. As a kid, I would sit in on the dress rehearsals of Lucia with Sutherland … and eat my bagel, lox and cream cheese– and finish it off with a Snicker’s Bar. I think the press wanted to kill me because I made noise. But it was a great time, meeting Lily Pons and Roberta Peters. They smelled of perfume, with jangling jewelry, and were so gracious to this little 9-year-old kid. It all seemed normal because I was born into it. My Uncle Moishe (Oysher) would sing at the Pines during the High Holy Days, and he knew I had “it” – or whatever you call “it” today. I was a soloist at 14. He was so phenomenal, such a blazing master of song and liturgical music. And here I was, doing solos with him. There is no word to describe that experience except, “transcendent.”Q#3. What is your earliest memory of performing “professionally?”MM: My mother called me up on stage. It was at the National Theater on Houston and Second Avenue. I was seven, in the theater as usual, wearing my little dress … blue with a rainbow design on the skirt. And she said, ‘Is my daughter Marilyn in the audience? Marilyn will you come up here?’ We sang a duet in Hebrew. That was the beginning because then she took me on stage with her on the holidays and vacations from school.Q#4: You experienced the Yiddish Theater first-hand. What stands out in your memory about those times?

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.MM: Oh, it was wonderful! I was back stage all the time with Molly Picon, Henrietta Jacobsen (Bruce Adler’s mother), Dinah Goldberg. They held me as a tiny baby while my mother was on stage. As a child, they treated me with respect, never with a disregard or with the attitude that children should be seen and not heard. They were genuinely warm. Then, when I began to perform they were duly proud. They were terrific comediennes and I absorbed that from them as well as from my mother.Q#5: Turning to the Catskills, you were a headliner at a very young age. What do you remember best about “The Derma Road?”MM: The casino, the shows, the morning with the Cream of Wheat. The smell of the musty rooms, the swimming pool and the cute busboys! It was very much like the film –Dirty Dancing. But it became a true training ground for me when I began to work. Today, there’s no place to fail … no place to learn anymoreQ#6: What are your thoughts on how being Jewish informs you and other artists?MM: I come from a Jewish heritage that is indeed “Royal.” Jewish Music when done the way my family did it, is great indeed. Moishe was the greatest Cantor, actor, film star… he did it all. Many of today’s Cantors… I don't know, they cannot compare to their predecessors. (A lot of them need to lay off the brisket.) Part of being a Cantor is being a great performer as well.Many Jewish cantors were often opera singers who came straight out of the Metropolitan Opera, such as Jan Peerce and Richard Tucker.Jewish comedy writers are without a doubt, the state of the art globally, from Woody Allen to Mel Brooks to Aaron Sorkin who just won the Oscar for best screenplay. Jews are brilliant in so many of the creative arts, comedy and music heading the list. The entire American Songbook is almost exclusively a Jewish Boys Club except for a few guys like Cole Porter, and of course the tremendous African American influence.Q#8: How would you summarize your remarkable life?MM: I hope it's not over yet! I’ve just entered a phase where I’m writing music, and it’s such an exciting thing. The creative part of my life, aside from performing is painting because art is a huge part of who I am. But being creative as a composer is a thrill, and I hope to get the show mounted. I’d be on Cloud 9! And indeed, I’ve been up there … sharing the stage with Moishe, Mom, Sammy Davis, Dean Martin, Orson Welles, and the list goes on and on. There’s the thrill of being part of that … part of the best!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Marnies-Guide-to-Hypochondria.htmlMarnie’s Guide to HypochondriaDec 14, 2013by Marnie Winston-Macauleyh in k y o u ’r eahypo oc hn d r ia c ?C om ea n dlea r n f r om th em as etr .I admit it. I am a hypochondriac. And I suspect that I’m some of my co-religionists are too. Believe me, I’ve studied it.We worry! A cough, a greps, an eye floater, and we make out a will. Most of us don’t feel particularly good, ever.Even if we did, pui! We’ll rarely admit it. At best we’re “coming along.”So, for all my readers to whom this rings true, I’ve provided you with a handy-dandy guide to hypochondria.MARNIE’S GUIDE TO HYPOCHONDRIA1. EXPLORE ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF ANY SYMPTOM & PICK THE WORSTExplore all the possibilities of any symptom and pick the worst.A stomach ache? Okay, we start. It could be: you ate too much kugel; you ate a leftover with shmutz on it; you stuffed too fast; you’re nervous (who isn’t?); you’re allergic (who isn’t?); you have a virus; you’re alittle stopped up. Then again, you could have major acid reflux tearing out your kishkes, or an incurable disease that usually only 90-year-old men in Guangdong, China, get. Start with that one! Think obsessively about when you’ve you been in contact with a Guangdongian, for example, all the chefs at the Chinese Kosher Connection where you ate a month ago.2. RESEARCH: ONLINE SYMPTOM CHECKER

Look up Guangdon under “Deadly Illnesses.” Memorize the symptoms, for example: “stomach ache,” CHECK! Fingers turn blue if stuck to ice. CHECK! Sweating after a buffet filled with MSG. CHECK! Slight headache after being hit by ball in head. CHECK! Dizzy after doing Hora five times. CHECK! OYYY.3. OPINION POLLCall your family and friends and ask them what they know about South Central Chinese diseases. Then go through every symptom and show them a print-out of what you’ve found. Next, show your plumber, people in the elevator, and the lady standing next to you in K-Mart then ask their opinion. Should some idiot say: “Who knows?” or “Why don’t you see a doctor?” Think: “What do they know?!”4. THE LAST RESORT: SHOULD YOUR SYMPTOMS PERSIST FOR MORE THAN TWO DAYSOK. Time to call your doctor. First you’ll have to talk to the receptionist. Get her name, then immediately establish an intimate tone by calling her “sweetie,” “darling” or “mamala.” Strike up a warm conversation about say, her name. “Mary! What a fascinating name. It goes with those gorgeous freckles.” If you’ve done anything interesting, tell her. “By the way, Mary … I used to write As the World Turns.” Chances are she’ll say “WOW. My grandmother watched that!” Before hanging up, mention: “I can’t wait to meet you already.” Then … ask the Big Question. “So mamala, do I sound like I’m dying to you?” She’ll think you’re a riot and assure you you’re not.5. THE DOCTOR’S OFFICEDress up to look like you’re not dying. Now that you and Mary are bfs, continue the shtick you started on the phone, asking “Do I LOOK like I’m dying?” If she says: “Well, you’ll have to ask the doctor that” – leave immediately and Unfriend her. If, however, she laughs and says “Of course not,” proceed to the outer-inner Waiting Room. If your blood pressure’s a little high, and she says, “That’s normal in a doctor’s office” proceed to the Inner-Inner Examination Room. When the doctor enters, smile sweetly, give a hug and ask how he/she is. Even though you don’t care, it’s a way of transitioning to: “So, am I dying?” If the answer is: “We’re all dying” run! He’s a yutz. Then demonstrate how strong your heart is, by touching a toe … if you raise a leg … while you’re lying down. Should he order tests, God forbid, tell him to sit.What is he looking for? What does it mean? What’s good vs. bad? And if it’s not good, what’s the cure rate? When you leave, run back again and say: “But … you CAN cure me no matter what, right?”6. THE TESTS: USING AND EXCUSING

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Your next door neighbor wants to borrow your car for two weeks. You’re on a line at the DMV that’s longer than the Amazon. A person you met twice in the elevator asks you to help her move. A third cousin once removed wants you to fly to New Jersey to write the eulogy for her daughter’s late pet hamster. You might as well make a little lemonade out of your ordeal.Adapt the Basic Tone and say: “I’d love to” or “Excuse me, but I’m going … for tests.” If they ask if it’s serious, just sigh and say: “Well … we don’t know yet, but it’s very … stressful.” Okay, it’s not entirely nice. But would you rather give blood or shlep to New Jersey to say the Shema for a rat?7. THE LABRemember, as with the doctor’s receptionist, you’re here to make friends. First, a friend won’t find something. Second, a friend will tell you what they didn’t find. Technically, the technician isn’t supposed to tell you anything. Feh! Example: You’re having a mammogram. By now, you know the technician’s birthplace, favorite reality show, and her problem getting her boyfriend to commit. Ask: “How long have you been doing this?” with a big smile. If it’s more than a month, say: “You know you probably have as much knowledge as the radiologist!” As she’s doing the test, ask your new friend, “So Angela, darling … see anything interesting yet?” Trust me, if nothing’s wrong, she’ll sing like a bird.At some point you should get the results. Cholesterol’s a little high. OK, bupkes. I’ll take it and cut down on the Oreos. BP could be lower, but OK, I’ll take the pills. More Vitamin D. Wouldn’t hurt. So, doctor, am I dying from this stomach ache because I may have eaten Chinese food prepared by a Guangdon chef?!”“Wha …?!” the doctor asks, mystified.“Then I’m not dying?” YES! Almost home free. “Well,” he says. “We’re all dying.”Oy.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Marnies-Guide-to-Unique-Jewish-Diseases-II.htmlMarnie’s Guide to Unique Jewish Diseases IIJul 26, 2014by Marnie Winston-MacauleyPart 2 of the abbreviated dictionary of Jewish diseases.In Part One, I gave you the results of my personal research into what could or might be a “Jew sease” that only occur among We Jews, given our unique background and biology.-Illness: Chazzeritis. An illness where the sufferer is obsessed with pathological cheapery.As a writer and a Jew, I like to be thorough. So I have more entries from my Jewish medical guide. Call it a public service.Look at it this way, God forbid, you have enemies, you can always say “May you make it big insoftware, have a digital mansion in Silicon Valley with 100 automated bathrooms, and then may you need every one of them because you’ve contracted a mild case of grepsophilia.”MARNIE’S ABBREVIATED JEWISH MEDICAL GUIDEIllness: Grepsophilia. Chronic belching in a variety of circumstances. True, we all do it from time to time. Attractive it isn’t, but after five or ten matzo balls, what’s a stomach to do? This is a normal Jewish reaction. The grepsophiliac, however, is a constant grepser in any and all situations. This condition exists in both kinder and their parents.Symptoms: Anything can trigger an attack from Cream of Wheat to a Little League game (where either father who’s watching, or son who’s playing, may be affected) to paying full price for say, a George Forman grill, even on the Shopping Network. Some grepsophiliacs hiccup or gurgle, while those seriously afflicted may belch with such force a B52 could take off from the gas alone. Gentiles may have acid reflux or Gerd. Upon testing, We Jews have

gornished. As others find them long-winded (among other things), many grepsophiliacs, as a secondary result, are forced to sit alone, clacking at HeebDate.com in a windowless room stocked with AirWick.Illness: Emmesophilosis. An underrated condition where the individual is positively forced to tell the truth no matter what, even if it could/might bring on an angina attack in others.Symptoms: Of course We Jews are bound to honesty. We’re expected to tell a clerk if we get too much change, admit we caused those little dings on our neighbor’s hybrid, stand up for what we believe, and without exception, talk truth to God and those on Facebook.Emmesophilics, however, are obsessed with expressing “their” truth – about everything, especially, you. They are incapable of telling a white lie, or even shutting up. Typical remarks may include, but are not limited to:“Your new baby. Not a beauty, but you can fix it later.” “Even after those treatments you still look 10 years older.”“Listen, your son Hymie would be better off applying to clown school than trying to get that online degree in dairy herd management.”“Your new house? I only pray the roof doesn’t cave in.” “The brisket you made? Darling, your dog will enjoy.”The condition is often confused with yenthimphilia, (but the yenthimphiliac opens a mouth about others). They may appear insensitive, but they’re very sensitive, should, God forbid, you mention their new haircut is chaloshes!Illness: Chaloshism. The chronic tendency to get nauseated or faint at the unexpected or expected.Symptoms: While We Jews are an emotional people capable of becoming nauseated or fainting at both good and mostly not so good news, say: a rotten corned beef sandwich for which we paid $14, the fact that our child is marrying a lobsterman, our fiancée is giving up law to study origami. These are all examples of good reasons to fall down. The chaloshist, however, finds a reason to throw up or fall down at most pieces of news. For example, should their husband use the good guest towel, they need a vat of Kaopectate. If their son gets a B plus in chemistry, they need it intravenously. Should their Shabbos challah not braid correctly, they’ll plotz altogether – especially if family and friends use the word “Overreacting.” Remember, it’s a condition. The only groups studying this phenomenon are Insurance companies. Fortunately the online Society for Chaloshism is fighting this as ethnic profiling.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Illness: Idiopathicpneumopollinosis. This is a highly under-rated condition known to Gentiles as “allergies.” The difference is, for We Jews we’re not just talking peanuts, but a plague that makes many of us break out into something at virtually everything around, in, or near us. One researcher, Shlomo Fliegel, feels an Egyptian sorcerer was getting us back for Passover. Then again, Shlomo also joined the Church of Ed Wood, and wears his toupee inside out.Symptoms: In addition to the usual toxins, such as all non-Kosher foods and pollen, those afflicted have a variety of symptoms which can occur spontaneously or not. The triggers –may include water, daylight, the moon, their mother, mechanical devices, exercising, the thought of exercising, touching, and their mates, among others. Upon exposure, the sufferer may experience coughing, sneezing, wheezing, unsightly rashes, and in more stubborn cases, tics and plotzing. Each of these can occur alone or together, but the one constant is chronic shnarfling. Trust me. It’s not “all in their mind” and this diagnosis should do away with any assumptions that the Jewish wife is “cold” toward her husband in you-know-where.Illness: Meshushugganicity. A general condition of lunacy which could be temporary, chronic, or triggered by unusual stress, for example, your mechutonim come for Shavout, and decide to stay till Rosh Hashana.Symptoms: Behavior varies in seriousness from odd bouts of wearing ones underwear inside out to becoming obsessed with inventing a square Hamentashen The diagnosis of meshushugganicity is highly generalizable. The only true test is through general observation by a group of Jews who say: “Hey, look at that meshuggena!”Illness: Chazzeritis. An illness where the sufferer is obsessed with pathological cheapery. Whether food or things, “junk” is the style of choice. Of course this does not include those addicted to a) bargain hunting; b) negotiating; c) a thing for kugel chips, all of which is healthy Jewish behavior.Symptoms: The chazzeritic, however, spends his or her day scouting the “Free” section on Craigslist or finding old people to take them to thrift shops on Wednesday and has them buy for him at a discount. As a result, they could be featured on “Hoarders” as their house is filled with truly ugly tchotchkes like free broken can openers, half a mattress, and used pillows made in fifth world countries. As a result, common secondary conditions are shlumperdikism which makes them look like hobos, and an assortment of unpleasant itchy rashes from infestation, or what’s breeding in their bargains.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Marnies-Guide-to-Unique-Jewish-Diseases.htmlMarnie’s Guide to Unique Jewish DiseasesJul 12, 2014by Marnie Winston-Macauleyh eabbr e v ia t ed di ic to n a r yo fJe sw hid ise sesa.Two acquaintances meet: Question: “How are you?” Gentile: (CHIPPER) “Fine.”Jew: (LIKE HE ATE BAD LIVER) “Oy, don’t ask. I’ll show you the X Rays.”-We Jews generally don’t feel too good … or if we say we do, wait. (It won’t be long before we “share” that odd lump with you.) Face it. We Jews carry 3,500 years of “eh, could be better” in our DNA. For many of us it’s normal to assume that a splinter of the toe could be an early warning sign (Sha!). If you’ve got headache, we’ve got a migraine – or maybe worse.I’ve done some research, and for the first time, I present you with a list of diseases, illnesses, and narishkeit that is quintessentially, totally Jewish. After all, why should I feel rotten and alone?Illness: Delicatessence an acute –fear of hanging meatMARNIE’S ABBREVIATED JEWISH MEDICAL GUIDEIllness: Delicatessence. A rare, yet under-reported illness, the sufferer has an acute fear of hanging meat, slicers, and long aprons with fish stains. It is believed it starts in childhood when the hyper-sensitive kinder, after waiting two hours with mom behind 40 Jewish women at the deli for her Sunday platter, may have connected the smell of lox and bagels with Aquanet. It’s considered psychological.

Symptoms: Intermittent screaming at the sight of whitefish, kosher salami, and strange men who wear aprons or smell like chopped liver.Illness: Challahtosis. A temporary but painful condition brought upon by the prolonged ingestion and exposure to challah, especially following Shabbat and Jewish holidays.While normal Jews adore this delicious, traditional treat, after over-exposure, challahtosics turn into challah-philes. Whether round, braided, stuffed or unstuffed, with seeds or chocolate chips, they live for French toast, sandwiches, onion soup, turnovers, and challette treats. Even sesame bagels and lox with cream cheese can’t tempt one who is challahvied.Symptoms: Blimpism. Goodyear has less gas. A secondary condition is JYS or Jewish Yeast Syndrome, from which they get permanent, degenerative, athlete’s foot. In the advances stage, some may even pull the challah apart and add a shmear of Nutella.Illness: Jewmonia. A frequent ailment which is akin to what Gentiles call “a cold.”Symptoms: We Jews know better! That so-called “cold” is just waiting to hear: “Take an aspirin” before the bacteria decide to throw a huge bash to which they invite every infection they know. It may start with a cough, a sneeze, a fever of 99, a little chill and hangs on for three whole days but a diligent Jew will take action. First she’ll ask her postman if he thinks it’s Jewmonia and should run get an X-ray. Should the postman say those words: “It’s a cold,” we then ask our plumber, the bag boy at K-Mart, the lady in the elevator at Bloomies, and should they, too, utter the same swaddle, we turn to our sister Ruthie, who recommends an MRI and CAT scan. Suddenly we feel better, proving once again, that one sick Jew can outsmart an enemy and also ruin a party.–Illness: Pupikpartem. A chronic ailment where the sufferer becomes instantly guilty and depressed when a) separated from parents or b) from their child.Symptoms: In both cases, the victim walks around in a general state of krechtsation, moaning and groaning, even at fun events. For example, at the Shul’s joyous production of Fiddler, one note into “Sunrise, Sunset” and you’ll hear a geshrai (a shout) of such catastrophic proportion, it could become a matter for Emergency Services. On the other hand, should the production include your child or parent, the pupikpartemic will go into such a manic state of euphoria, this, too could become a matter for Emergency Services -- even if our mother is playing a Russian constable. In extreme cases, such as separation by college or marriage, the two may link and signal by PupikApp, a small device worn in the belly-button, designed by Mrs. Rhoda Goldfarb and her son Meyer when in the Bahamas, her new daughter-in-law complained about sharing the honeymoon suite.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Illness: Monojewcleosis. A temporary ailment causing extreme exhaustion and bad mood due to years of trying to find a marriageable bashert. The condition has the unusual quality of affecting the victim’s mother and may last up to six months.Symptoms: Intermittent depression at the sight of a) a cruise ship; b) JewMate.com; c) Patti Stanger. Another symptom may be screaming at hearing the words “single,” “alone forever” and “knitting cat booties.” The exhaustion from the screaming makes the sufferer unable to attend any event where there may be prospects such as a JYA singles’ dance. It usually resolves itself within a month, especially when Aunt Sophie brings over that nice young Jewish doctor who removed her bunion.Illness: Mechutonium. An ailment that affects some newlyweds upon spending a prolonged period of time with their in-laws. If the mechutonim are particularly irksome, e.g.: they’re already naming your first-born, the condition can occur following five minutes of exposure.Symptoms: The most common resembles a type of catatonia, wherein, say, the daughter-in- law in the presence of the mechutonim, stares into nothing, becoming either a) completely unaware of voices, or b) says “Yes” a lot (even if his mother says he could’ve married an Ivanka.) Another symptom is eyelash pulling (her own). According to my research, one sufferer from Flatbush, the new Mrs. Hannah Greenbaum, invented Selective Hearing Lossers and limited Sight Lenses which she slips on when expecting a visit from the mechutonim.And there we have it: Jew-seases. Should you do your own research and come up with more, feel free to add to our Jewish Medical Guide. The life you save may be … your cousin Hershel’s, the one with the allergy to his socks.

https://www.aish.com/j/as/Mary-Tyler-Moores-Jewish-Characters.htmlMary Tyler Moore’s Jewish CharactersJan 28, 2017by Marnie Winston-MacauleyM a ry y Tl erMoore, w ho pa sse da a aw y t t h ea ge of8 0 , pro ev d h ta t J ew i sh characters could make it on their own.To many of us Boomers, the loss of Mary Tyler Moore is personal. Back in the 1970s, Saturday night was planned around “Mary.” To miss an episode was an unthinkable screw up in our schedule.While Mary Tyler Moore lived a discreet life, the personae she created in both Laura Petrie and especially The Mary Tyler Moore Show gave us a new way to look at ourselves and a –new way for all to look at Jewish characters.The year was 1970. From women’s rights to confronting government, today’s Boomers ushered in a culture of change, determined to “take on the world.” In media, for Jews, it also meant the start of coming out of the ethnic closet. Jewish imagination emerging through the talent of Jewish directors, writers and authors such as, Harold Pinter, Philip Roth, Elaine May and Mike Nichols. Jewish actors --George Segal, Richard Benjamin, Barbra Streisand, and Elliot Gould to name just a few, no longer turned to Main Street, U.S.A. for their ideas, names (or –noses).It was the right time for “Mary” … well, sort of. Network execs and producers, many of whom were Jews themselves were still echoing the TV “maxim: “Too Jewish.”Such was the case with The Dick Van Dyke Show in the 1960s. If it had aired as conceived, Mary would have been married to a Jewish writer played by Carl Reiner, the show’s creator and producer. Would it be a hit in Boise? Walla Walla? Mableville? Maybe with a little de-

Jewisizing. So the “Reiners” became the “Petries.” (Rob, played by Van Dyke, and Laura, played by Mary). While you can take the “Jewish” out of the crawl, you can’t take the “Jewish” out of the creators. The tone and sensibility was pure Reiner who also threw in one whole Jew (Buddy) who was Bar Mitzvahed (late in life) on air, two neighbors (The Helpers) who were Jewishy, and a song Rob Petrie co-wrote while in the Army called “Bupkis.”The following year, the start of the seventies, the “Too Jewish” worry continued when the world of the The Mary Tyler Moore Show included Jews “all around.” In addition to the legendary Jewish writers and producers, Ed Asner, who played her boss at WJM could be dressed in a Santa suit and still seem Jewish –with his looks, demeanor, and sarcastic senseof humor (to Mary on the premier show: “You’ve got spunk.” “I hate spunk.”) Ditto for Murray, the news writer. Although not a Jewishy character, his verbal antics were the essence of the Jewish come-back. And then of course, there was the first fully realized Jewish female since Molly Goldberg, Rhoda, Mary’s best friend (played by non-Jew Valerie Harper.) But the show went on air, despite cries of “too feisty, too much angst” (read Jewish) from the network. And for the first time, we Jewish girls saw ourselves up there. We understood Rhoda, we delighted in her (our) dilemmas, we were proud of her mouth, we adored her determination and this –Jewish New York character didn’t have to yell “Oy Vey!” to convey her heritage. If we admired and held Mary as a role model, it was Rhoda who personified who we were.“Living in New York, I knew more Yiddish than most of my (Jewish) friends.” – Valerie HarperIf Rhoda (and her mother Ida, played by another non-Jew, Nancy Walker) exhibited ethno- typical traits, their origin could also be considered “New Yawkese.” Brash, wildly and hysterically insecure, sarcastic, witty, Rhoda would often say the “unsayable” providing the perfect foil for the very proper Mary – who nevertheless “got it” even if she couldn’t say it. Gentile and Jew, as bffs, “yinned” to each other’s yang.MTM went full throttle on issues that were emerging and controversial. In one particular episode, “Some of My Best Friends Are Rhoda,” when a new pal enters Mary’s life and excludes Rhoda from playing tennis at her restricted country club, we see something highly unusual for the day. Mary from Minneapolis (actually Rosedale) comes upclose and very personal with anti-Semitism, kicking the “friend” out the door.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.The reasons this show is revered is impossibly simple. The key was “characters.” From the start, the show was about human beings instead of “one liners.” The humor, situations, and -pathos came from layered, complex characters who were fascinating, familiar, and flawed.MTM, the production company started by Mary and her then husband, Grant Tinker, armed with some of the most brilliant, mostly Jewish writers in the business, forged new territory with these intrinsically authentic characters who didn’t need to chew the scenery to get a laugh.This was critical in portraying a Jewish female. Rhoda was no one’s shtick character spouting Yiddishisms. She wasn’t wearing her ethnicity Borscht Belt style. Her flaws, her insecurities, her humor, her vulnerability, and her “let it all hang out” ‘tude resonated across ethnicities.And we fell in love with her.With MTM behind her, Valerie Harper as Rhoda became a spin-off, and the first modern-day Jewish Star Character of a sitcom.Under Mary Tyler Moore’s banner, Jews were uncloseted, and shown without fear, but rather joy over being a vital part of American culture.In the farewell episode, before exiting, Mary talks about her colleagues, ending with: “… last night, I thought, ‘What is a family, anyway?’ They’re just people who make you feel less alone and really loved. And that’s what you’ve done for me. Thank you for being my family.”And to Jewish boomers, thanks to Mary Tyler Moore and the team at MTM … we were finally fully realized as family.–We will miss you Mary.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Memories.htmlMemories?Nov 14, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyMy memory is turning into a soft boiled egg.We writers have unusual memories. With years of research findings tucked away, plus thousands of matchbook covers, gum wrappers, and critical drug instructions obliterated by “must-have-must-know” scribbled stuff, we’re determined to recall every scrap of minutia. In my case its Jewish minutia, from who invented the shopping cart, to the fact that the Lincoln penny was designed by a Russian-Jewish immigrant, Victor David Brenner (a fact that would’ve made me 250K richer on an episode of Who Wants to be A Millionaire. Oh, the ecstasy! Oy, the agony)!Why is it that can remember I things that happened in 1959, no problem?have the following conversation:Naturally, I assumed I’d never have to sweat the Big Stuff, like who was Nixon’s first Vice-President, or every episode of Seinfeld. And then it happened.A few years ago, my late husband and I were watching a Seinfeld re-run and we proceeded to

HIM: \"Look! Isn't that ... you know ... the one on Superman? ME: \"Lois Lane? What's she doing on a Seinfeld re-run?\"HIM: \"I don't think she's ‘Lois' here. So ... what's her name ...?\"ME: \"Noel Neill ... She played opposite George Reeves ... 1954 to '57. HIM: \"Not the movie. On TV.ME: \"Oh right! Wasn’t she on that show ‘Desperate’ somethings?” -HIM: \"So ... what's her name ...?ME: “... beats me.\"Feeling desperate, I taped it, then showed it to our son who was reluctantly visiting to do –his laundry. We both pointed. He gave us the \"glue factory\" look, mumbled \"Teri Hatcher,\" then disappeared, shaking his head, no doubt computing the relative cost of putting us in “the home” with or without indoor plumbing.Whoever said we lose a trillion brain cells a second should add we lose them all the day we turn forty. Face it. When you’re donning an umbrella and acting out \"Singing in the Rain\" because you can't remember the word for \"salt,\" you either have a tumor ... or you're getting older.No doubt about it, I am leaking more brain fluid than a two month old on Enfamil.Of course the uplifting news is, I can remember things that happened in 1959, no problem. Ask me the name of my kindergarten teacher, all the words to Venus, the entire cast list of Where the Boys Are and on which show Arnold Stang clucked, \"What a chunk a chocolate ...!\" But ask me to recall what I had for breakfast and I’ll play charades like a rabid mime or stare in a stupor until you lead me off pointing.–Take, for example, Liam Neesan and Ralph Fiennes. Now I know they must be different. Both were in Schindler's List and sometimes even in the same scenes. But you could hold me hostage and I couldn't pick out Liam from Ralph. (Of course I had the same problem telling Al Pacino from Dustin Hoffman 30 years ago.)As for the bad boys, I can’t tell a Sheen from a Sheen or a Baldwin from a Baldwin or a Sheen from a Baldwin and would throw them all in jail whenever one tosses a mini-bar (or a size 2 Q-Tip with hair) out of a hotel window.As for the good girls. Fortunately, we solved the problem. We \"simplified!\"

ME: \"Oh look Sleepless in Seattle is on tonight. Isn't that the one with ?\" –HIM: \"No. That's the other one.\"ME: \"The one married to one of the \" –HIM: \"Right. So...? \"ME: \"The Blonde One.\" HIM: \"Thanks hon.\"We simply reduced all the Megs, Sharons, Michelles, Kims, and Heathers to \"the blonde one.\"You see, this is no mere boomer-harangue. Many Gen-X-ers often wonder what could possibly keep two tired Boomers together for over 25 years after they’ve witnessed, said, smelled and heard things that would drive any sane person to a cave in Sri Lanka.This is why. I believe there’s a method to this biologically induced amnesia. The reason of course, has something to do with shared memories of labor rooms, diaper pails, ER's, spit-up, SAT's, death wishes – and yes, even loyalty and hopefully love. But there’s more.Another reason we stay together is who else are we going to get to finish our sentences for us?Do you have any idea how much work it would be to break in someone new? After my husband died, the problem has worsened.I am now at the “it happens to us all stage” according to my doctor. Of course he told me I lost weight but failed to remember they forgot to actually weigh me. (He and I are two months apart in age.) I have yet to find my keys, credit cards, remember the name of the mayor, and how to get to my house … and am ODing on Gingko Biloba. And now there’s no one to “cover” for me when I think a Kardashian is brand of Turkish Taffy.A few weeks ago I asked my friend if her one-and-a-half-year-old was talking yet, and she said no. “But he points.” That’s nice, I thought.These days, I find the only people I can commune with are Boomers who know that a mu mu isn’t the sound a cow makes – or my neighbor’s toddler – the Pointer.So, on behalf of all the Boomers whose memories are turning into soft-boiled eggs, I wrote a letter to Technion, Picture it. A Google microchip we can attach to our heads where all we have to say is: “You know the song. It’s got the word ‘love’ in the title.” And BOOM! A nice voice (think Dr. Ruth) a) asks for a more thorough description, taking you through the circuitous route of the mature brain, such as: “Was it before 1948 or after, darling?” “Does it rhyme with a household item?” b) then narrows it down like they narrow suspects in Criminal Minds and gives you a list, which you can then print out on a special device that can read the microchip.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Should there be any interest, put me down as the discoverer, at 50% of the net profits (I’m not paying for the company’s toilet paper) along with two dollars for every device sold, with a hold harmless clause (should some yutz glue it to themselves accidentally), and … Some things a Jewish maidel never forgets!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/More-Advice-from-a-Meshuggah-Jewish-Mom.htmlMore Advice from a Meshuggah Jewish MomJun 20, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyYou should get one of those Medic Alert thingies so you don’t lie on the oor screaming.I’m off the professional clock, and you, my dear readers know, when faced with personal angst, anxiety, questions, issues, I morph into Marnie, the slightly meshuggah Jewish mama with a pisk that reaches from here to Pinsk. Worry, preventing worry, creating worry, is a large part of it. Not that I don’t worry about my clients, I do. But usually they bring up the subject which is professional. They talk, I listen … and I calmly help them dig for roots and strategies that will move them forward. In personal matters, however, the Yiddishe Mama part of me usually brings up the subject. After all, what’s a mother for?NORMAL WORRY PREPARATION FOR THE WORST:ME: (TO MY SON) Darling, with your Smart thingy, send me pix of the taxi driver and his number, along with the cab company in case he’s wanted. Also, don’t discuss politics in the cab with a person named AbdulAmwarAhmed or anyone with a lot of “A’s” in his name. I researched and eight of the 36 wanted terrorists as of 2011 have names that start with “A.” That’s a huge percentage. No. I’m not paranoid. Check it yourself: #TERRORISTS THAT START WITH”A”ME: (TO A 25-YEAR-OLD SINGLE FEMALE COUSIN) Hi sweetie. Listen, I already told your mother, but I feel better telling you personally. When you go to England, stay away from lonely roads. For some reason, more young women go missing from furshluggener dirt roads in Upper South Kenwyckym than in New York, New Jersey and California combined! SO NO ROADS AT NIGHT.

ME: (TO MY SON): I CALLED YOU. I’M HOME, YOU’RE NOT. I DON’T LIKE THIS. CALL OR TEXT ASAP.ME: (TO MY FRIEND): Do you have Locksafe? I saw it on a commercial. I Googled it and found a whole list. Some are industrial, some are good for guns … and you have to be a mechanic with a memory like an elephant to remember what and where to turn it. A gun is easier. Let’s think it over. I’m also looking into those Medic Alert thingies, so I shouldn’t be lying the floor screaming. But then, if I can scream, who needs it, right? With my voice someone will hear, right? Awaiting your answer earnestly.ME: (TO MY COUSIN): I read in the New York papers, they’re tearing a building down in Lower New York. With your allergies darling … you could chalosh from the dust alone. I read dust travels even up to 72nd Street. So, close your windows and get a 1,500 Sq. Ft. Allergy Air Purifier. It’s got a HEPA filter, activated military carbon cloth and it gets rid of chemical gasses in your apartment. I found it online at Sharper Image. It’s about $600. Not cheap, but then you spent that much on that yutz herbal lady who had you hold your hands at right angles to tell you it isn’t good to eat raw sugar 10 times a day.ME: (TO MOTHER OF YOUNG NEPHEW) I know it’s his first eclipse so I sent him goggles and told him not to get too close. Don’t laugh. Watch “Delores Claiborne” on Netflix. I promise you won’t laugh.ME: (TO SON ON EMAIL) YOU’RE NOT WEARING YOUR SEATBELT … I CAN FEEL IT.ME: (TO ENGAGED CHILD OF FRIEND) Darling, I’ve known you since you were born, so you’re like my own. To my own I’d say: “Forget Niagara Falls for the honeymoon!” A) Haven’t you noticed how many honeymooners have been lost at sea recently? B) The boat, the Falls, are windy. Should someone fall overboard or choose to drown, remember … you only learned to float, not swim. Better you should visit me in Las Vegas where it’s much safer.MARRIAGE & KIDS:ME: (TO COUSIN) OK, calm down. So your son said he didn’t care if he had mustard of ketchup on his hot dog because we’ll all be dead in 6 gazillion years anyway. Stop worrying. It’s a perfectly normal question for a smart seven-year-old Jewish boy. Just tell him you’ll buy him a dirt bike for his bar mitzvah. Trust me, he’ll do the math and start eating again.ME: (TO A MARRIED OLD FRIEND) I just got this book to review its claims: “Marriage Makes You Fat.” Did you ever hear of such insanity? Having children makes you fat. Joining an exercise club makes you fat. (I figured I would lose so much weight I could double my carb intake. OK so math wasn’t my strong suit.) By the way, is “carb” a food group? It should be!According to Wikipedia water is sometimes a food group! So we’re not fat … we’re over bloated.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.ME: (TO A NEWLYWED FRIEND APARTMENT HUNTING) Get an apartment with at least two bathrooms! Take it from me, to a husband “bathroom” is a holy sacred word. Thirty years my late husband announced: “I’M GOING INTO THE BATHROOM” the way a surgeon says, “DON’T TOUCH ME, I’M STERILE.” To my husband it was like The Fortress of Solitude … he had magazines, water, his cell phone, a tiny TV … and I once found a jar of gefilte fish and borscht behind the cotton balls. It’s their version of Club Med.ME: (TO A GROUP OF WOMEN I WAS ADDRESSING AT A HADDASSAH MEETING) So …we have time for one more question. Yes, Becky. What? Your husband said he treats you the same exact way he treats his mother and is that a good thing? ........................................... So,–who’s up for some chopped liver or Danish?

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/More-Jewish-Traffic-Signs.htmlMore Jewish Traffi c SignsSep 24, 2016by Marnie Winston-MacauleySome traffi c signs that We Jews can understand, from my JTB (Jewish Traffi c Blog).Graphic Engineer: Jennifer BargielAfter I wrote Part One, we, at Jewlarious, got this response from a dear reader, Zvi. “About 50 years ago I was at an intersection in Hartford Connecticut with a one way street going to the right. There were two traffic signs. The one directly ahead said \"Do Not Enter\"; the one on the right hand corner said \"No Right Turn.\" Well, our brave Zvi did a U and looked for a bar that sold Manischewitz by the case (I’m paraphrasing).So, for those of you who may wonder “When I write to writers to they look, read, care?”Hello, Zvi!I asked, but my editor told me the shikker-liquor I wanted to send is over our budget.Now, in my never-ending attempt to end the meshugas in the world by turning everything into something We Jews can understand, here are more traffic signs for my JTB (Jewish Traffic Blog). Fortunately bicycles are not our business.WE CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ATE THE WHOLE THINGIn an effort to fight zaftignicity, the JHD (Jewish Highway Department) provides us with scale check every 15 miles. (They double the number of signs after the major “We Eat” holidays, such as Rosh Hashana and Pesach.) This effort is not only healthful, but helpful in eliminating minor spats. Listen …