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Today, in our attention deficit digital world 80 million \"Millennials\" have a mission: to shorten. Who has time to text a whole word or think of more than three adjectives beyond: “Really!” “Awesome,” and “Amazing. Totally!”True, e-mail is a marvel hurling bits of sparkless, soulless binary code around the world in an instant. It can also disappear in an instant into the ether … or to 1,500,000 other people with whom you unfortunately share a last name and middle initial.But a letter with the feel of the pen scratching against paper, the smell of ink, the distinctive hand-writing is a creative endeavor, whether it’s a simple “thanks for being there … you were a joy,” a bar mitzvah letter from Uncle Avram in Tel Aviv, or a missive from a soldier fighting terrorism, in fear and longing for connection. The letter opens windows, and not the kind sold by Microsoft.This is the stuff you put in that shoebox for safe keeping; the stuff, battered and yellowed, that you take out during the joys and the hard times; and what you grab when the oven blows up, so that your descendants will know and feel who you are; and who they are.Picture it. A wife during war, waiting to hear from her husband or son who is fighting in some dank hole thousands of miles away. There she is, waiting for her lifeline; waiting for the post daily for news, any news. And there are the soldiers recounting, Jewish and otherwise … some saying goodbye.Civil War Historical Document: Sullivan Ballou Letter, July 14, 1861, Camp Clark, Washington[Excerpted]My very dear Sarah: My love for you is deathless, it binds me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; Never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. If there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, my spirit passing by.Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run, July 21, 1861. There are the letters that have informed the world and supported We Jews.On August 17, 1790, Moses Seixas, warden of the Hebrew Congregation of Newport, Rhode Island, penned an epistle to George Washington. His letter expressed the Jewish community’s esteem for the first President Washington expressed its pleasure that the God of Israel, who had protected King David, had also protected General Washington. While the rest of world Jewry lived under despotic rule, as American citizens members of the congregation were part of a great experiment: to ensure their “invaluable rights as free citizens.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.President Washington replied with these immortal words: that are the foundation stone ofU.S. religious freedom. “May the Children of the Stock of Abraham, who dwell in this land, continue to merit and enjoy the good will of the other Inhabitants; while everyone shall sit under his own vine and fig tree, and there shall be none to make him afraid.” He signed it simply “G. Washington.”True, these days spreading the word doesn’t require the pony express. It would go viral in an instant. But the letters, written in their own hand can’t be captured in a tweet any more than those I’ve sent and received from loved ones, now gone, or those written by pen pals that have lasted through marriages, births, wars … until death.Audrey Sims of Australia, 83, and her pen pal Norma Frati, 87, of Texas have written more than 3,000 letters to one another since 1939. Over the course of 74 years, their letters chronicled their lives, the wars, and their friendship. Last August, the two lifelong pals met for the first time at the Corpus Christi International Airport. When asked by a reporter how she felt about the meeting, Frati, tears rolling, said, “a little overwhelmed.” As always, the two have continued their correspondence.But, I wonder what will be the legacy of the digital letter-writing age? In a 2009 poll by World Vision, only nine out of ten youngsters leave school having ever written a proper letter, yet half are busy texting weekly. Worse, some schools are no longer required to teach cursive writing!Will audiences line up to see a titled SWAKU911, perhaps a new Adam Sandler film? Will generations to come download the \"Collected Tweets of Ehud Havazelet” on to their e-reader. Future literary archivists will need to hack through hard drives and Smartphones to document the lives and thoughts of their subjects. Then, who among us has saved all that in a corrugated ribboned box?And will this generation be the last to write letters crafted by hand with writing that carries emotions rather than emoticons?Perhaps my dear JYAs (Jewish Young Adults), the next time you’re sitting in Hojos, give it a try. And I promise, you will feel the joy and the sounds of scratching pen onto paper … and the beauty of choosing intimacy over expediency.

https://www.aish.com/f/p/The_Manipulative_Child.htmlThe Manipulative ChildAug 13, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyRed flags and how to break the cycle.Ten-year-old Becca could play “Annie” with her bright red hair and freckles. But Becca’s too busy running the household. Whether it’s bedtime or a visit to bubbe, Becca makes the rules. “I’m not going and you can’t make me!” Her parents, afraid to upset her, fail to see this for what it is ... manipulation by “drama.”“If you make me go to school today, I’ll throw up!” says David, eight. His “nervous stomach” is perfectly tuned to his “don’t want-to-do” list. His parents let him “time off” watching Spongebob and learning to pronounce “gastroenteritis.” They fail to see this for what it is ... manipulation by “blackmail.”“If you don’t talk to Abby, I’ll let you have my very best glitter. BUT if you do, I’ll TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU .........” threatens Debby, 11. Abby was exiled, and her “friends” came to Debby’s pajama party – in glitter. Mom thinks she’s “popular,” failing to see this for what it is ... manipulation by “bribery.”The goal of manipulation is more often the attempt to gain control over anxiety through avoidance.Most of us think of manipulation as a method of getting something that’s denied us, whether it’s that vacation we want, or, the “upper hand.” -Yet, the goal of manipulation is more often the attempt togain control over anxiety through avoidance,especially in new or stressful situations. Even as ethical adults, who among us hasn’t cancelled that root canal due to “flu” or begged off an unpleasant hospital visit?With young children, every experience holds new anxiety-triggers. I’ve yet to meet a child who hasn’t tried some of the tricks above to avoid fear of failure, loss of face, or challenges –at least once or twice.

But, when I use the term “manipulative child,” I’m referring to those who routinely use devious devices. Tragically, while they may “win” through lying, whining, guilting, bullying or bribing in the short run, they’ll inevitably face failure, frustration, a lack of esteem, confidence–and ethics in the long run.After all, they’ve learned early that these avoidance tricks worked. As they head toward adulthood and find that life doesn’t always suit them, these “skills” get shakier. Unable to exercise honest, ethical, straightforward strategies to manage anxiety, they flail powerless, and fail time and time again, sometimes dropping out, or turning to other risky behaviors,bothered, bewildered, blaming – and remaining dependent “kids” until they’re on Medicare. Listen ...“My son’s 42 and he still lives with me, rent free, while I do his laundry and cook his meals.”-“My daughter, 32, can’t keep a husband or a job, and keeps demanding money. When I tell her I’m living on Social Security, she whines, begs, or argues!”“We’re sick of bailing our 25-year-old out! While other parents are worried about being ‘empty- nesters,’ we’re praying to join them!”As these “kids” continued on the path of subverting long term goals through opportunistic, deceptive behavior, they remained stunted; locked in infantile patterns that destroyed esteem and ethics, making true friendship and commitment to anything or anyone almost impossible.Related Article: Discipline 911Red Flags in Our ChildrenWe know we’re dealing with a manipulative child when he or she routinely:1. argues or whine incessantly over everything from rules to responsibilities.2.distorts or edits reality. Most popular is the circular “why” tactic. They’ll come up with endless reasons why they can’t/shouldn’t/needn’t do it, and why “it’s stupid, unfair, or “unnecessary.”3. wears us down like rabid trial lawyers until we give in.4. deceives us through promising, lying, making excuses, procrastinating or “negotiating” (like rabid trial lawyers).Parents as Manipulative PartnersFor these tricks to work, the child must have a willing partner – us! In a home where a child’s manipulation rules, we’ve abdicated our parental role to that of “appeasers” and “fixers.” Despite rationalizations, giving in is “easier” in the short term, even if we’re setting up-

disaster. The recipe for the care and feeding of little manipulators include parents who:1. Try to appease their children and avoid any unpleasantness. When we fail to teach them how to manage reality or “change the rules” to accommodate them, we create wormholes for them to creep through.2. Confuse boundaries between parent and child. When no one’s in charge, our little ones “step up.”3.Foster dependence. When children expect others to “make them feel good,” or solve their problems, failures becomes everyone else’sfault.4. Use manipulative discipline. False promises and bribing teach children how to play the game.5. Place material things over deeper, ethical core values.Breaking the Manipulation CycleIt starts by not letting it start or continue.1. We parents need to recognize our own “partnership.” It’s uncomfortable admitting we’re afraid of not being “loved” by our children, of setting limits, but owning up is essential in stopping the cycle. More, we need to ask ourselves, “Do we whine, kvetch, avoid, blame, bully?” If so, we’re teaching Manipulation 101.2. Close wormholes! With new principles in place, get family rules and expectations in place. Post them. Consequences must be predictable and don’t change with the decibel level of our child or our i–nconvenience. At first, the child will become ever more “creative.” Any exception is a set-back. The message: “It won’t work!” will only work with absolute consistency.3.Empathize and support without “fixing.” Instead of doing that report for your child, or letting her stay home, the new response? “I know it’s hard. I also know you can do it. Calm down and work.” When we let them know we have expectations and trust their ability, instead of “I can’t,” they’ll learn, “I can, and I must.”4. Reward truth, ethics, and yes, even failure. A successful adult owns it all honestly, then evaluates and persists.It’s our job to create successful adults. Adults who get what they want through straight- shooting, taking on challenges they fear, and accepting responsibility for themselves.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.More the non-manipulator will also be manipulation proof! A child who is sure-footed is , unlikely to be bullied, conned, or controlled. All it requires is getting them off the manipulative merry-go-round, by standing our ground. And that means that we, as parents, must stand on firm ground.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/51979537.htmlThe Name GameAug 2, 2009by Marnie Winston-MacauleyWhil e o e esmJw saren m naig the r ik id hs tin g slik e“J azz ”a n d “hor e o ern, t”hs are kicking it old school and getting biblical.So many of you good people have asked me the same question: “How did a nice Yiddishe maidel like you get a name like that?!”Here’s the short of it. I was to be named in honor of my deceased bubbe, Manya. But when September 1 brought me forth ... my parents didn’t have an “M” moniker that sent them swooning. Until my aunt heard “Marnie” on the street and so I was Jewishly dubbed.Winston was my surname, changed from Weinstein in Canada, changed from Malamud in Russia. I married into “Macauley” – an English Jewish convert, which is how I became Marnie Macauley a great name for a peppy Irish folk song.–I married a Jewish convert, which is how I became Marnie Macauley– a great name for a peppy Irish folk song.I loved the unusual. (Did I have a choice?) Sure, I had to endure being called, “Mimi,” “Moony,” “Mamie,” “Martin” – in my draft notice and my –elevation to “Marine. But there was compensation. I knew whenever “Marnie” was called, it was meant for me, and turned around. I couldn’t understand how the Bobbys and Lindas lived with “regular”names. I couldn’t fathom turning around that much.Except for that one time. A first cousin once removed named her daughter “Marnie.” At a family Bar Mitzvah, when “Marnie” was called to light a candle ... let’s say I still want to scratch my eyes out in embarrassment. The getting up ... the being told, “Not you” ... the titters during that long walk back to my “fringe relative” seat which should’ve been my tip--off –IF –I’d ever been in a room with more than one “Marnie.”Which I hadn’t. In the 1950s, I stood out in a sea of Jewish “Debbies,” “Lindas,” “Davids,” and “Lisas.” Ashkenazic traditional? No way. “Max,” “Sam,” “Sophie” were “glass tea” names for bubbes and zaydes whose greenhorn roots clashed with red, white, and blue.

Max, Sam, you vant a glass tea? “ Mit a sugar cube, Sophie! In the new false teeth, a sugar cube you need like a loch in kop!So, our “Shirley,” “Bea,” “Morty,” “Louis” parents gave us Vanilla Names, Visas to Wonderbread Land.Did we Boomers do better by our own broods? By the late 1970s and eighties of boom and crash economics, our little Gen-Xers’ given names were gelt-driven. Seven pound bundles of all stripes were saddled with “Power” monikers, some unisex, that were perfect for a future debutante, doctor, or dictator. Many were conjured by writers, well, like me, for soaps like As the world Turns. The trend hit Jews the hardest. Krystal Cohen? Thorne Twersky? Face it.Pretension doesn’t “work and play well” with Yiddishe surnames. Or in elder hostels and retirement “villas.” Fast forward 50 years ...“Krystal... get me a Ginki tea?” “Thorne Twersky! Double the Mega-Memory Smoothie! Your Ginki’s on your Hoveround MPV 30!” Not attractive.Yet, we persevered. Suddenly, places like Brooklyn and the Bronx saw an explosion of little “Ashleys,” “Lindsays,” “Jamies,” “Tiffanys,” “Justins,” “Logans,” “Heathers,” “Blakes,” “Courtneys,” “Addisons,” “Lances,” “Whitneys,” “Sydneys, “Drakes,” and “Yales.” But my out-of- the-park faves were the “Bretts” and “Brents.” When I handed out birthday card invites? I yelled, “Brett!” in my son’s “Boomer-kinder-Jewishy” school and Boom! No less than 50 kids appeared. All genders. My sympathy was boundless for the little Lipschitz twins, Brent and Brett.My sympathy was boundless for the little Lipschitz twins, Brent and Brett.So, what are the Brents, Tiffanys, and Krystals doing to their offspring? Some are getting even. Some are “out trending” with pl-ace names – “Montanas,” “Madisons,” and “Brooklyns.” Some have gone evenfurther into outer space.–Last year, when my cousin Judi (with an “I”) told me the stick turned blue, we rejoiced! A new little life despite the bloated ankles, stretch marks that resemble crop circles, and a desire to –wolf down a steer whole.–“And you want to hear the names we picked out?” I started shvitzing: Oh, no. No no no NO NO!Long ago, I learned never to play “The Name Game” with an expectant mother. Like “Do I look fatter?” there’s no good answer.

Unfortunately, Judi hadn’t mastered the above Marnie’s Maxim of Modern Maternity. Judi’s a bubbler. She started bubbling ... names.“ ... and the one we’ve settled on if it’s a girl is -- “ Please, please ... make her shut up ...” I prayed, “Jazz!”Boom! Spewed all over me like spit-up!And so we had ... a moment of silence. Knowing that I’m “rendered speechless” less often than I hit a treadmill, Judi said, “I ... guess you’re not too crazy about it –either.“ Apparently she’d already “spewed” upon half of Long Island. Her bubblies, now de-fizzled, threw her into defensive mode: “Well, we wanted something different.”Jazz ... Finkelman?! “Well, you got it.” I said, wondering where I could buy baby bling and stiletto booties for the naming ceremony.They had a boy. Ninety family members thanked Hashem for sparing a newborn daughter of Rachel from spending her life with the “blues.” Judi named him “Judge” for her husband, a District Attorney. At least he wasn’t a proctologist.Or a celebrity. Money and fame they have. So, I suppose they want to gift their bundle with something they don’t have. A “Kick Me” sign on their Burberry rompers. All it takes today is a little creative naming. Check these: Rachel Griffiths’ son? Banjo Patrick; Jason Lee’s? Pilot Inspektor; Shannyn Sossamon’s? Audio Science; Nick Cage’s? Kal-el ( Superman's birth name. Luckily his hero wasn’t Jughead.); Penn Jillette’s daughter? Moxie CrimeFighter; Lance Henriksen’s? Alcamy; Rob Morrow’s, an MOT’s little girl? Tu -- as in, Tu Morrow. Quick! Will these little “Bozos,” named for a dance craze, character flaw, machinery, quality of mercy, or a diagnosis, become:a) an astronaut; b) a successful politician (on second thought ...); c) a Looney Tune impersonatorAh ... but there are parents on our home planet, who’ve taken the most daring, most exotic, most unexpected route ever. A route that no one could have imagined only two generations ago.The Coolest-Jew-Hot names today? “ Sam!” “Max!” “Rose!” “Sophie!” “Jacob!” “Lily!” They’re back, and they’re not only Cool Jew-Hot. Little Maxes and Sams are flying out of Cool Gentile celeb bellies faster than they can say “tummy tuck!” It took two generations of assimilation, but “glass tea” images of great-bubbe and zayde have turned from shtetl-shandas to ethnic chic. Finally. Proving, of course, that “everything old is new again.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.But more, instead of shortening, lopping, and “mayonnaising,” many Jews, even young celebs-- from Mayim Bialik to Ethan Zohn -- are now wearing them with “kishka “ pride ! While the little “Sams” and “Sophies” have started this exodus back to our roots, we’ve still got a way to boldly go where we Jews have bravely gone before. Biblical!I can’t wait to coo upon my little grandchildren: Chizqiyahu, Shulammite, Yechezkel, Shlomo, and Mattithyahu. Different? Without question. Timeless? Of course. And do they go with “Cohen,” “Levy” or even Matuschanskayasky!* You bet!*Irony in reverse. This is the false name Walter Matthau (born Matthow) claimed in order to be more “exotic.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/48956956.htmlThe New Jewish CalendarMar 14, 2009by Marnie Winston-MacauleyIt's time we Jews added a few \"National Days\" of our own to the secular calendar.I'm a calendar maven. I conceive them. I write them. (Among other things.) Of course, don't ask me, \"When's Arbor Day?\" Or worse, \"What's up with Anzac Day?\" My mind detours around: 1) where something is; 2) when it is. Like Pesach. And I'm not alone.True. The Jewish calendar's been around officially for 5,000 years, give or take. But for ––many Jews, the task of knowing when is even more daunting. As my friend, Borscht Belt legend and Friar's Club Dean, Freddie Roman, joked in his hit show, Catskills on Broadway, many Jews have no idea when our holidays are. If we don't have the Manichewitz Seven Year Calendar, we're clueless. Who among us hasn't heard someone say, \"Isn't Chanukah early this year?\" We're always talking \"late\" or \"early.\" But on time? This you don't hear.Our holiday are either \"late\" or \"early.\" Never \"on time.\"That said, this year while writing A Little Joy, A Little Oy, and The 10 calendars for 2010, I noticed something after 15 years. The secular calendar –notes our Big Religious Holidays Passover, Yom–Kippur, Chanukah. But National holidays? Not one that's Jewish or –for a Jew! (Even though the Gentile kids in my neighborhood \"religiously\" saw Sukkot and Simchat Torah as \"National Skip School Days.\")Wait ... it gets more insulting. I learned that virtually every day of the year is assigned a \"something.\" Look at this month alone: March 1st is National Pig Day. (Definitely not \"us.\") March 3? I Want You to be Happy Day. (Better.) The closest I found were: Everything You Think is Wrong Day, National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day, National Doctor's Day.See it? Americans celebrate wrongs, raisins, pork, even. Yet, after all we've done, given,donated ... we get bupkes!So, as we prepare for Pesach, I felt it's time we Jews added a few \"National Days\" of our own to the secular calendar. (For those who would accuse me of stereotyping? I stand pelted with matzo balls.) Here are the first five.

Jewish Labor Day, or alternatively, Not My Business Day: That's right! For one day a year, we kick back, have a glass iced tea, and not get involved. Our daughter wants a piercing, our son sent an application to Hamburger U. Our mate of 20 years started building an Ark in the garage with his Ron Popeil knife set? We sip and say, Not My Business Day, I shouldn't mix in. I suggest it falls the Sunday before the High Holidays so \"they\" can atone.–Jewish Labor Day, or alternatively, Not My Business Day:Jewish Declarative Statement Day: On this day, every Jew must actually respond to a question with a declarative sentence. No repetition, no flip, no question marks. Sarcasm, however, need not besacrificed.Example:On all other days:DAUGHTER: \"So how was the food at the wedding in Dooberville?\"MOTHER: \"Have you ever seen an all Jell-O cake?\"On this day: DAUGHTER: \"How was the food at the wedding in Dooberville?\"MOTHER: \"Never in my life have I seen an all Jell-O cake. Not even a peach was clinging! \"This should fall on September 28 the day before –National Stupid Question Day to keep some of us from exploding. (Note: the date may be adjusted to occur before, never on, the Jewish holidays)!Jewish Benign Week: Starting the Monday following Cover the Uninsured Week (May 23-30), all Jews will feel good (even if they don't). And tell everybody we know. No answering, \"So how are you feeling?\" with \"Don't ask.\" No spitting, shushing, Keyn eynhores over a clogged sinus. No showing \"suspicious\" spots on us to our neighbors, plumbers, or supermarket check-out people. More sacred than the above holidays, it's our week to rejoice and show gratitude for each diagnosis that came back \"benign,\" along with hope for a Benign new year. On Erev, we will serve a traditional whitefish mold in the shape of Mount Sinai (the hospital) and recite, Ribbono shel oilam, let it be benign!National Jewish Reality Show Month : For 30 days, during February TV \"sweeps\" all \"reality\" shows will reflect ... reality. After all, who knows this concept better than us? Amazing Races?Hell's Kitchen? Survivor? Feh! From this we know. Starting Feb 1, a new slate of Jewish Reality Shows will occupy choice top-slots. Here are a few of my selected \"pitches.\"

*The Real Housewives of Pelham Parkway: From making beds, to building a New shul, to making brisket, this show follows the lives of five real Bronx women—who stayed on Pelham Parkway.*The Billionaire Bachelor(student) - He's filthy rich yet all the usual attempts to find him a Kallah (bride), from his family, his shul, to Hadassah-mates.com have failed. Why? A billionaire he is, but he's also seriously bulvan-challenged. Last stop? The Shadchan, whose job it is to either turn him into a mensch, or find a bulvanette who looks like –Britney Spears only Jewish, and younger.–*Are you Heavier than a 5th Grader?: celebrities clamor to have a BMI. Any BMI involving having a \"Body\" with a \"Mass\" while their supporters yell \"eat a little something. In rounds, competition heats up as competes as contestants, for example, are challenged to complete a whole carrot in under 20 minutes.*SUPERBUBBE! The kinder a little meshugge (or driving you there)? Forget \"Nannys.\" Time to call in ... SUPERBUBBE. \"Time-outs?\" \"Naughty mats?\" Chintzy gold stars? Feh! SUPERBUBBE uses the K'NOCK, KISS, and KNISH method -- and has had a 98% success rate for 5,000 years. So ... should your Hershel klop his sister Hannah, your Rachel –refuse to hug tante Bella, your Feivel insists surfing is his \"life,\" Call: 09 83949- 647 (or OY VEY IS MIR) for an audition, today!*Shtele-Swap Survivor: A group of Jews compete to see who can survive a job they've swapped with a non-Jew. For example, a doctor or lawyer must be a hit as a: pizza twirler, lumberjack, Navy Seal, juggler, mime, bull fighter, rodeo well anything.–Jewish Presidents Day: On this day, we should reflect upon all the Jews who should'vebecome President but didn't. I'll start.–*Bernard Baruch. The man advised every President since Washington. Never once a nomination for dog catcher!*Walter Annenberg. Media giant and philanthropist who advised Reagan and Nixon. He was appointed ambassador to the Court of St. James's but this is one guy who –would've had the sachel to be taped-not, or burn them.*Barbara Walters. Not only does she know world leaders, she can make them cry. Proven track record handling the mishegoss politics on The View. Two of her interns would find Bin Laden for a Babs Special, one, two, three. And make him cry.Next week, the final five. But ... by all means, if you've been chaloshing to commemorate, plotzing to praise, bursting to break out the Manischewitz, by all means, post a comment with you own suggestions! Remember, everybody's entitled to have their day ... no matter how ...

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https://www.aish.com/j/fs/48958976.htmlThe New Jewish Calendar: Part 2Mar 21, 2009by Marnie Winston-MacauleyF iv emore eJw i s h \"N a t io n a l H o lid a y s \" t t ohe e sc ularc lean d a r .Last week I did a bissel ranting about \"our\" times of the year that should be acknowledged, appreciated, and celebrated by the world at large and aren't. As a calendar maven (–A Little Joy, A Little Oy, The 10, 2010), how could we Jews not have at least one National Holiday –honoring us! OK, some of our religious holidays are given a \"mention.\" In March for –example, it's Purim and Ta'Anit Esther. But March 18th is also Forgive Mom and Dad Day, right after National Cheerleading Week (March 2-8). \"Us?\" Not so much. Then there's Saint Piran's Day (the 5th), St. Urho's Day (the 16th), St. Patrick's Day (the 17th). Even the the Athabascan Indians of Alaska get a week to do their Stickdance, and the Navajos, their Mountain Chant (in Arizona).The secular calendar could use a \"Yiddle\" more representation.As you can see, I think the secular calendar could use a \"Yiddle\" more representation. With that in mind, here are my picks for five more National Jewish holidays:*National Jewish I Couldn't Agree More Week: Your pregnant daughter, like her friends, the Meshugensterns, informs you she's trying a \"water birth\" in a lake, surrounded by nature–The Grand Canyon. \"Ai, ai, ai!\" you say excitedly. \"Darling, I couldn't agree more!\" This you repeat for a whole week from your bed in Mt. Sinai where they're checking the palpitations –until it ends on April Fool's Day. AND SPEAKING OF .........–*National Chutzpah Day: April Fool's Day? Feh! What ... ? We need more chazzers and chalerias in the world? There aren't enough shnooks, nudniks, and shmendriks? We're short shnooks, shmendriks, shlimazels, shmeggeges, and shlemiels? They need a holiday? We need a holiday from –them. Which brings me to my proposal. On April 1st, we replace April Fool's Day, with National Chutzpah Day! Yes. Right after I Couldn't Agree More Week, we can open a mouth. To our daughter with the water birth? We can now not only geshrei, but mix in: \"Are you meshugge? I've set you up with Dr. Feldstein, the Best, at Beth Israel. And the Nanny will

be there by the time the epidural wears off. *National Community College is Nice too, Week: For one week in April, (Community College Month), all Jewish people will consider, and, yes, donate to ... their community college of choice. During this period, we won't mention, or hock about any a) Ivy League Universities; b) Four-year schools. That means no \"I'm a Future Harvard Mom\" bumper stickers, hats, T-shirts, mugs when your 5-year-old enters Day School. During this special week, high school seniors will apply to at least one non-four-year college (OK, as their \"safe\" school). This new ritual shall be accompanied by special klezmer song in honor of Dustin Hoffman, Joan Lunden, Arthur Goldberg, and Billy Crystal ... all of whom were launched by a community college and made a nice living.–We can all practice the diffi cult art of the \"counter-kvetch flip\"National Jewish Satisfaction Day: Celebrated the day after Chanukah, all is \"hunkey-dorey\" by you.Contrary to the old stereotype, \"Is anything OK?\"everything will be OK (well, better). Starting now,we'll all practice the difficult art of the \"counter-kvetch flip\" to be ready. Example:–On every other day:\"Were you satisfied with the perfume I got you for Chanukah?\" \"It was cologne. And on the bottle, it said, \"Compare with Joy.\" On Satisfaction Day:\"Were you satisfied with the perfume I got you for Hanukkah?\"\"‘Satisfied?' I'm thrilled it was cologne, so you didn't overpay for a shlock imitation.\"Make the counter-kvetch your ringtone ... so every person will know how satisfied you are. For example: \"I want you should hear what a mechaya my life is – if this cheap phone my son- in-law got me works.\"*Let it Go, Let it Go, Let it Go Week: Falling on the first day of winter, for a whole week, we put away our spectacles, scissors, sewing baskets, thermometers, barometers, Cheer, tissues, and shmutz detectors. Because, on this day, we \"let our people go out.\" –However.Our mates' socks -- one black, one brown? Big deal. Our son departs without a jacket? It's Indian Autumn. The lights and rap music on high? You \"enjoy it,\" too. A Debra Winger film festival you want to see at six? What ... ? They can't defrost? Your daughter has a hem hanging? She'll notice when she trips on it. Underwear a little ripe? Inside out is nice. Should –these attempts trigger acid reflux, let our inner Jew recite \"Luz Mich Tsu Ru! (Leave Me Alone)\" as you make a list of \"Me\" time, citing all those things you've been shtarbing to do instead of saying, \"Run, bring me the scissors!\"

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.If you've been chaloshing to commemorate, plotzing to praise, bursting to break out the Manischewitz, by all means, post a comment with you own suggestions! Remember, everybody's entitled to have their day ... no matter how ... meshugge.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/The-New-Yiddish-Dictionary-II.htmlThe New Yiddish Dictionary IIDec 7, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyNew Jewish words for Jewish young adults like… “gefiltering.”A pop quiz for my JYA mamalas. Which one of following Yiddish words is right (or righter?) Pick up a pen, OK, a mouse and ask yourself, when it comes to Yiddish am I imbued with yichus … or am I talking like a yutz?When it comes to Yiddish am I imbued with yichus or am I talking like a yutz?Statement one:“My sister was so upset when her IDF bf unfriended her on Facebook, she’s all fapitzed?”Yes No Answer: NO. Unless to make herself feel better she bought Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses to hide her shame. Not to be confused with all our Yiddish words for miserable that start with “f”– “fapitzed” means dressed to the nines, not checking into a Swiss clinic for the Unfriended. Statement two:“Reva, I’m texting 2 tell u we R going to my aunt’s wedding. I’m wearing a blue tux, so getferkrimpted up!” Yes No Answer: NO. Often confused by JYAs for “fapitz” (you look gorgeous), “ferkrimpt” means you’re walking around with a twisted punim (face). So darlings, unless you want your gf to look like she’s got a cramp just say “wear the blue with the sequins.”

Statement three:“I was so verklempt with that virus in my computer, I’m buying a ticket to Kazapikiswan and put such a curse on those thieves … may their hard drive soften!”Yes No Answer: NO. Not good. Chances are you’re not “verklempting” over your lost files and a PC that spits in Serbian. You may, however, become verklempt , tears running with emotion, when you when the nice technician after 25 hours at $100 per, plus a new computer, tells you it’s covered by insurance.Statement four:“Yeah ma. I really enjoyed making a Sukkah. It was such a shandeh for the kinder!” Yes No Answer: NO. Unlike much of Yiddish that sounds like what it means (a schlemiel probably isn’t head of NASA), this happy sounding word is not a good deed, darlings. It’s a deed that makes you, your family, and the whole community want to hide from you in shame. Oy. Hopefully you didn’t “shame” the kinder by playing “Who’s going to be my bashert in 20 years?”If, God forbid, you said “YES” to any of the above, you’re guilty of Yiddiosity, causing our dear Leo Rosten to rise from the grave and yell “Shmegegges, go buy my book already!”The good news here is … you’re trying. Yes. Yiddish is making a comeback in schools, on the Net, writings, and conversations among those who think a muumuu is the sound a cow makes and our precious JYAs.But in this new digital world where millennials have invented a new “text” lingo: “Shortening”–even our magnificent, bawdy, emotional Yiddish may have to adjust a bissel. As Judaism has always insured our customs are adaptable, I’ve come up with new Yiddish words that our JYAs can say, text and make their point Jewish-y … or “Jewdilectable (JD!).”FIVE NEW YIDDISH WORDS FOR JYAS“Bupkiloshes”: The student with whom you share a microscope has a mouth like a broken faucet bupkes comes out. Like Norm on –Cheers, he knows nothing, talks about everything about which he knows nothing, and makes you meshugge! But he thinks he’s a genius.Should, God forbid anyone else say something, such as “Have you heard about the bitcoin?” He’s the yutz who’ll lecture the group about with how bitcoins were used by early Celtics to undermine the British economy, the Swiss used them to make cryptocuffs, and how they make unusual doggie accessories.

Text: “BPKshes” Usage: “Marvin, enough with the bupkiloshes already! I’m chaloshing from your verbal chazzerai. Who knows? Who cares? One more word and may your microbes invade your Facebook!“Amazzerei”: Ai ai ai! You just tasted that new treat chipotle cheese curls at the Kosher ––vending machine at Dodger Stadium and what a nosh! True, one serving is three curls. Also true, it could be there’s more salt in a bag than in the Dead Sea. But this is one amazing chazzerai! More you heard they’re experimenting with pesto pretzel bites. Already you’re salivating!Text: “aMZi!” Usage: “Listen, Becca … I know you’re on a diet, but a little amazerei wouldn’t kill us, especially if we give up the two extra corned beef sandwiches OK half a sandwich at –Wolfies later.“Farpitztalaria”: Molly’s been your bff since Hebrew school. You both love Logan Lerman, talking about your blogsherts (PART ONE), and touring Israel. All of a sudden, her convo’s changed. She now wants you to attend a “straightening” support group sponsored by Frizz- Ease, wear Magen David ear cuffs, and choose from the cutting edge Mayim Bialik line. When you suggested she might be getting a little superficial with the hair and the fashions, it took Season 7 of Project Runway on Netflix to scrape her off the ceiling.Text: “FPZ.” Usage: “Listen, Molly, I know you’re into fashion, but darling, another Heide Klum we need with the “Auf Wiedersehens?” Better to focus on MOTS like Bar Refaeli, Natalie Portmano nee Herschlag! But to get meshugge about looking like catwalk shikshes?! Lose your Jewfro? Bacon cuffs are not becoming. So calm down and love the exoticism that is JEWU.”“Gefiltering”: First there was Jewish Geography then bageling to fish for fellow Yiddkeisters. So say you should be in a Jewish chat room and, using both, come up with bupkiloshes. A Gentile secretly joined to find a gorgeous, brilliant, gelted maidel or husband (they heard they make the best, nu?) The final test is “gefiltering” which, if he or she flunks, you will filter out!Text: “GefX.” Usage: “So, Christopher, you say your people come from a small shtetl in Smorgasbordekkah. Tell me, do you prefer your gefilte sweet with soy sauce or sour with Spam?” Mamalas, if he a) sits in a stupor, or b) picks one … gefilter him!“Glickenspiel”: So your mieskeit cousin’s had a run of luck. Despite the acne and having theI.Q. of a speed bump, she was accepted into Brooklyn Law; and with that extra toe, she found a modeling job on the reality show: “Gem Tends for the Weird and Wacky where a Rothschild

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.texted her after she made a YouTube that went viral. Of course you’re happy for her. She’s happy for her. And now she’s making sure everyone, everywhere will be thrilled with her personal story of triumph including details.–Text: “Spielshnot.” Usage: “My darling cuz. For you, I couldn’t be more proud. But sweetie … an extra toe that turned lucky, between us, isn’t a Kardashian moment. Enjoy darling, but making a spiel isn’t kosher. Better you should write a nice article for aish.com, nu? As we know, glick can turn, so my advice is … have a plan B when next year five toes may be ‘back.’”More ideas? Send darlings! We must keep our Mamaloshen alive … and encourage our Millennials to understand the majesty our language, may we live so long! All ideas are welcome!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/The-New-Yiddish-Dictionary-Part-3.htmlThe New Yiddish Dictionary, Part 3Mar 16, 2014by Marnie Winston-MacauleyNew Jewish words for Jewish young adults like…the “Tsourisphere.”I am always happy to see Jewish Young Adults (JYA) using the “new Yiddish.” But my friends, I’d be proud if they don’t incorrectly “fapitz” when they’re “verklempted.” So, once again I’m adding a few new Yiddish words for the JYAs so when they post on Facebook/Twitter/Linked/YouTube/other new social media I’ve never heard of, they can sound right-ish, and not like a nebbish.So, in my third installment, here they are: JYA-friendly Yiddishisms. I ask you, are We Jews adaptable or what?FIVE NEW YIDDISH WORDS FOR JYAS“Minyata”: This new event at shuls will entice you JYAs to come, enjoy, and feel like a true MOT. True, it comes from the Spanish, but what, we can’t borrow? After the Kiddush, put up a Yiddishe piñata where adults and children alike can take a whack and boom! Gold chocolate coins, gorgeous yarmulkes, a free season of Jewish Shul Singles, and even leftover brisket will reign from your minyata! Never again will your Shul want for young Jews to form a minyan.You and your bfs will be so thrilled, you might even form a Minyata Committee, to make sure the prizes are kosher, inspiring, and expandable.Text: “JuYata.” Usage: “Zach, you want chocolate matzo in the minyata? What, we’re not bloated enough during finals?!”

“Pilotzes”: Time to admit it. I know you’ve joined every gym, stretched, toned, and you’re still “zaftig resistant.” Enough with the stretching! A normal Jewish woman does much better talking horizontally than moving vertically. Too much with the new exercises and we’re asking for a chromosome clash catastrophe that will make you feel chaloshes.Text: “PlotZ.” Usage: “Concentrate on my middle? Fuggetit! I’m concentrating on whether Adam was bageling me, or just shmearing. You expect me to “breath” when I haven’t got a text from Adam?! Now you’re hocking me with Powerhousing!. One more minute and I’ll plotz from the exertion!“Polypisker”: Your new boyfriend Jacob who just graduated N.Y.U. law could have been “the one.” Then, all of a sudden he starts with the stories! Each one is a little lie, which I know because I verified! All my bfs say he’s talking out of three sides of his mouth! I’ve had it with this polypisker!Text: “PPK.” Usage: “Jacob! You tell me you were at a meeting at Shul, which I personally know is closed for repairs because my Uncle Hymie is also personally making them! Then, you say you want us to be “exclusive” – so why are you texting Roberta Goldfein and what’s with the three “xoxos?” Sha! There’s more. You claim you’re ready for commitment, so how come you gave your 15 year old dog Shmooie to the pound to sign a “no pet” lease for a 300 square foot studio on Park Avenue? Enough! I’m breaking up you, you … polypisker (unless you want to meet my mother)!“Tsourisphere”: First there was the biosphere then the ecosphere, but you and I know that We Jews have own very own “sphere” made up of “tsouris,” trouble, and oy veys. Yes, even during the best of times, you’ve already learned that when We Jews get together … someone will create from a simcha, an atmosphere of “tsouris.”Text: “TSPH.” Usage: “Listen Marvin, when we go have dinner with my parents, take nothing personally. So you don’t stand straight, spittle a little, eat each food one at a time, and collect old photos of the Myrtle Avenue train. Do I mind? Of course not! To me this isn’t tsouris, it’s quirky ... for a podiatrist. But my parents can be a little picky. Not their fault. They live in a tsourisphere, which thank God I didn’t inherit.”“Zafticule”: My darling JYAs, it’s time we united against this egregious prejudice! Remember Camp Chief Zaftigkah in the Poconos? You thought those 12 hour nature hikes made you “tribal,” especially when you ate leaves and had a Hebrew blessing for broccoli? True, you lost 10 pounds for which mom and dad made a party and added tsourisphere by whispering to the guests: ‘Don’t mention to our Tamara the ten pounds. She’s a little sensitive.’ Remember your bffs saying you could lose a few? Enough ridicule young ladies! Spread the word.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Text: “ZCon.” Usage: “Patricia, I’m at the perfect Jewish weight for my perfect 5’2” height! We Jews were born to be a little zaftig! If you think Eve was a Q-Tip, look again darling. We were made in her image! Now this is a God-given gift. If you want to resemble a cotton swab for cleaning shmutsik ears … go, light a candle, and be gorgeous.”Mamalas, I’m only one person. How much can I think … without whitefish? By all means send your ideas (or whitefish) in the comments section below so we can continue our mission to keep Mamaloshen alive among our JYAs.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/The-New-Yiddish-Dictionary.htmlThe New Yiddish DictionaryJul 13, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyNew Yiddish words for Jewish young adults – like…blogshert!I’ve heard some people say that mama-loshen, or Yiddish is making a small but mighty comeback. Halevai! Is there a language that’s more expressive, passionate, hilarious, and bawdy, with words that are so spot-on, you “feel” both the sting and the love?I challenge you – find one English substitute for “Chutzpah!”that’s gall.”A test: Find one English substitute for “Chutzpah!” Ok, true, there’s “gall,” “nerve,” “courage,” but none deliver the same punch as our “chutzpah.”Listen: “ Yankel took home the leftover wine! Now“ Yankel took home the leftover wine?! He has some nerve.” Are those snoozers or what?Now, We Jews:“Yankel took home the leftover wine?! Oy, what chutzpah!”This my friends, is a true character evaluation (or assassination). And more, like many Yiddish words, it’s versatile.“It turns out Yankel took the wine back to the store to complain of rotten corkage! He not only got the gelt back, but a free bottle of Manischewitz! Now that’s chutzpah! (Good for Yankel!)Other words, from mensch to yutz also deliver levels of meaning for which there is no direct English translation. A “mensch” isn’t merely a “person,” but a person. He or she is a human with a heart, a soul, a generosity, a righteousness whose empathy will not only get him to heaven, but put him first on the heavenly lox and bagel buffet.

Our language is so rich, many words have become part of our Yinglish lexicon thanks in part to media. Even in Monkey Run, Missouri, a fair number will know “meshugge” means you’re one letter short of an M&M.Since Boomer days, JYAs (Jewish Young Adults) have “heard” the words, but some are a little farshimmelt about usage. For example, the other day I heard a young Jewish college student say: “Oy, this physics paper has got me so fapitzed!” He dresses up for confusion? A neighbor recently spouted: “I was so verklempt, I finally told my boss to drop dead.” No Mike Myers (Linda Richman on SNL’s “Coffee Tawk”) is farmisht, you are a Shmegegge!Fortunately, some secular schools are giving courses in Yiddish now, and there is a burst of new Yiddish theatre offerings, all of which does my soul good.But it’s a new world filled with digital thingamabobs aimed at making sure no GenY-er has to say an entire word, or Oy! a whole phrase. As Judaism has always insured our customs are adaptable, I’ve come up with new Yiddish words that our JYAs can say, text, raspberry quickly– and make their point … or some point.NEW YIDDISH WORDS FOR JYAS“Blogshert”: You met him on JewLove.ca, texted, e-mailed, and share a love for lokshen. But, he lives on Prince Edward Island, and you’re from Petawawa. What’s the next step? To discover your true prospect potential, share a personal blog! With daily entries you’ll know the ganza: what he eats, what bus he rides, his pals, and how he argued with the meter maid and bought socks on EBay.Text: “BShrt.” Usage: “Sorry Ruchel, I can’t go to the movies because I have to share with my blogshert that Kraft polly-o string cheese is now Kosher … and maybe we should finally meet for pizza!“Challahveid”: You overdid last Shabbos on the so-good challah, then the challah French toast the next morning and the challah bread pudding mit the raisins. Oy the agony, oh, the ecstasy!Text: “CVed.” Usage: “Darling, I’m so challahveid, I’ll text you … Thursday, before Shabbos. By then the swelling should go down.”“Chaloshinations”: A combo of the Yiddish “chaloshes” (“disgusting”) and “hallucinations.” Describes people who think their underwear is out to get them.Text: “Loshing.” Usage: “Marvin, stop with the loshing already. In the monsoon, trust me. No one noticed that zit.”

“Chutzpahooding”: The ability to “hide” chutzpah by saying it comes from love. This is a major league art and should not be practiced by amateurs.Text: -“Z hood.” Usage: “When I returned to my apartment, my sofa was gone, with a note from my mother, the chutzpahooder: ‘Mamala, I know on your farshtinkener salary all you can afford is vinyl, which you I think is a leading cause of cancer. So, for you daddy and I ordered the best futon from Target in rainbow. Enjoy, –darling.”“Farpitztanista”: A Jewish trendsetter for who fashion is her life.Text: “Pitzta.” Usage: “Those farpitztanistas on Princesses: Long Island with their expensive shmattes are so shallow they put lip-gloss on their heads to impress God.”“Krenkenstein”: You’ve got a headache, they think they’ve got a brain tumor. For the krenkenstein, every pimple, every rash or itch is an early warning sign of a disease only old men in Yekaterinburg get from a constant diet of herring.Text: “Krenkies.” Usage: “That meshugge krenkie asked if anyone on Facebook died from herring after itching! I texted that my Russian family are in Stage Two – protective gloves.’”“Kveitchers”: Part “k’vitch,” “part kvetch,” you need these “friends” whose latte is always too cold, too hot, too milky, too coffee, like a loch in kop (hole in the head).Text: “Veitchers.” Usage: “Don’t do deli with those veitchers! Again they complained the pastrami was too lunghy, and worse, screamed to the owner: “May all your teeth fall out except one to make you suffer!”“Mieschatanem”: Ok, so the in-laws resemble Brezhnev with the one eyebrow. Do JYAs have the patience to say or text: “Oy, are my mechutenem ugly mieskeits?” That’s six whole words!Text: “Mieschuts.” Usage: “True they’re my Mieschuts, but I bought a tweezer the size of a hedge clipper, should God forbid it’s hereditary.”NOTE: the prefix “Mies” may be added freely, for example:“Mieshugge”: He’s not only nuts, but not too good-looking.Text: “Meishug.” Usage: “He’s working on an APP for the blob fish because he ‘feels a connection.’”“Tweetkops”: The creep you never met, don’t want to meet, who hock you with invites on Twitter.Text: “TKs.” Usage: “Oy, I got tweetkupped from a guy named Ugmat who sent: “My dear friend Moonie. Write from home for 50 cents (U.S.) an article! Knowledge of Tagalog helpful.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.“Yentering”: Originally from the Yiddish word “yenta” which means she’s into her business, your business, her plumber’s business … and spreading the news. This new word makes it a “condition.”Text: “QY.” Usage: “Do I care if Chava made a dry brisket?! Quit Yentering me already!”“Yentertaining”: OK, you heard the news that your vilda chaya cousin was Unfriended on FB for “yentering.” Now this is “yentertaining.”If you, my dear readers, by all means send more and add to this mitvahfying Mitvahfication.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/The-New-Yiddish-Zodiac.htmlThe New Yiddish ZodiacFeb 20, 2016by Marnie Winston-MacauleyIf you are a “Pupika” you are an “innie” – an introvert.Since the 1960’s, the “kewl” kids, instead of saying “hello” to a possible bashert, found a new way to bagel one another by saying “What’s your sign?”With your birth month in hand, astrologers, especially at 2.99 a minute, will not only tell you whether your life will be filled with joys or oys, but nail your uncommon fondness for yelling at waiters in delis.If you are a “Chutzpah” people either adore you or can’t stand you.True. We Jews do have a relationship with the Zodiac through the Hebrew months of the year: Nisan, Iyar, Sivan, Tamuz, Av, Elul, Tishrei, Cheshvan, Kislev, Tevet, Shevat, and Adar. But when was thelast time you went to shul and a cute Tishrei gaveyou tsouris because you’re a Tamuz?Well, now you can. After consulting with the learned JewZodiakian, Saul Paskudnyaksky, I have come up with “The New Yiddishe Zodiac”. It tells you what’s what and who’s who by giving us new additional signs so young Jews can “relate.”THE NEW YIDDISHE ZODIACKINAHORA (March-April) You’re riddled with PS (Preventive Spitting). You see evil eyes prying everywhere on you so you’re a human hose. Fortunately, you were born with superior saliva glands that allow you to tfu, tfu, tfu, a lot more and further than any other sign. Use

your gift with caution. If you spit at salad bars to avoid salmonella, your datebook will be filled with strange people who collect raincoats.BULVAN (April-May) You’ll probably graduate Harvard first in your class, make a few bil, and be President of the Shul. The not so great news is, like Shark Tank’s Mr. Wonderful you’ll yell: “You’re dead to me” should the government refuse to, for example, give you the Statue of Liberty for a lawn ornament. Savor your success mamala, because people will say: “He may be ‘Bargains ‘R Us’ but he’s still a Bulvan!”PUPIKA (May-June) If you’re an “innie,” you’re a solitary person who knows all the words to “My Yiddishe Mama” – in the original Mama-Loshen. Your colon however, looks like a relief map of Kazakhstan. If you’re an “outie,” should annoying people ask why, at 40, you’re still living at home, you might yell: “In Your Pupik!” Resist this urge, along with the desire to play musical pupik in public near prospects.EPPES (June-July) Jewish mothers adore you because when they say: “I’ll cut you another slab of cheesecake!” and you’re 5’2” and 170 pounds, you’ll take despite your feeling that, “It might, eppes, be time to skip the 5,000 calories.” A life of “eppesness” means you have no firm opinions about say, The Middle East, or weighing 170 pounds at 5’2.” Lovely you are, but interesting …? Eppes, we’ll change the subject.SHANISHT (July-August) You’re ruled by orderliness and are a whiz at preparing kosher noshes and keeping Jews in line. In shul it’s your job to make sure no one interrupts the machers or takes too many cookies. While your superior ability to sha people works wonders at testimonials for long-winded contributors, some may at times resent you sha-ing, say, at Jewish singles mixers.FINGERLEK (August-September) As there’s no one Yiddish word for toe, if you were born under this sign, you can solve situations, even if there is none, or no way to express it. In Day School you chanted in Yiddish: “head, shoulders, knees, finger fun fus” (the finger of the foot). Everyone admires your creativity and your freaky ability to walk on your hands. The only thing you haven’t figured out is a word for “toe.” Work on it before your bashert stubs her big fun fus.CHUTZPA (September-October) People either adore you or can’t stand you. They’re the same people. You noodged Facebook to let you “share” with Netanyahu on his Personal Page which is terrific. Not so terrific is showing up at his door and taking his leftovers. My advice is to use your pisk for good like owners of cable companies, and the 40-year-old traveling –juggler your daughter met on J-cruise.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.KIBBITZ (October-November) You’re a riot. Your mother says you should be Jerry Seinfeld, John Stewart or Rita Rudner. Meanwhile, you’re doing weddings in Brooklyn Heights. Why? Because you’re shtick only works at The Beth Zion Home and Hospital. A prospect may find you adorable … but get sick of dining on leftovers from the Skulniks’ Bar Mitzvah. Time to stop futzing, update and create some new Jewish humor that doesn’t involve a Rottweiler, a Princess, or your mother.YIDKOP (November-December) You’re known from Brooklyn to Tel Aviv as a person who uses a Yiddishe kop to solve important problems such as using leftover matzo to pave the driveway. Do watch the preachery. No unmarried 25-year-old wants to hear: “It is written that there are 30 ways of answering that” when she asks: “Why did Hashem send me a mieskeit instead of a Scott Mechlowicz?”NAYFISH (December-January) Beige is your favorite color so you can indulge your dream of “blending in.” The flip side is you get stepped on by accident a lot. The terrific news is: chances are you won’t take a date to a restaurant requiring you to yell into a clown face as you probably suffer from coulrophobia (technically a fear of stilt walkers) along with a fear –of yelling.GEVALTISH (January-February) You live life in the catastrophe lane whether the subject is “who would wear such a shmatte on Project Runway, the outcome of a Presidential Primary, or a suspicious mosquito bite on your bashert. As you’re the speediest of the signs, revving from “oy” to gevaltizing in less than five seconds the government consults you when creating their Emergency Alert System.MISHEGGOON (February-March) You may be crazy like a fox or a lunatic. After all, was Einstein normal? OK, his fear of barbers was odd. Face it, the line between meshugge and genius is a fine one. If you, for example, find you’re turning into a polar bear without discovering the secret of black holes, you might be headed for a sanitarium instead of Stockholm City hall during Nobel season. As for your bashert, there’s a difference between pious facial hair and fur.

https://www.aish.com/ho/i/The-Nuremburg-Trials-70-Years-Later.htmlThe Nuremburg Trials: 70 Years LaterDec 26, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyA brief primer on the historic War Crime Trials.Between 1945 and 1949, there were a series of 13 International Military Tribunals known as The Nuremberg Trials. The first and best known, the Major War Criminals Trial, tried major figures in the Nazi killing machine. They appeared before The International Military Tribunal (IMT), consisting of Judges from the United States, the Soviet Union, France, and Great Britain (Lord Justice Geoffrey Lawrence presided). Defendants, which also included organizations, were charged with crimes against peace, war crimes, and crimes against humanity. This first trial commenced on November 20, 1945 and concluded on October 1, 1946.A brief historyAs early as April 20, 1942, representatives from the nine German-occupied countries met in London to draft the \"Inter-Allied Resolution on German War Crimes.\" On November 1, 1943, the Allies, in anticipation of victory published their \"Declaration on German Atrocities in Occupied Europe.\" The document made clear their intention to vigilantly pursue high ranking Nazis to ensure justice was done.In 1944, just prior to the war’s end, President Roosevelt asked the War Department to develop such a plan. Treasury Secretary Henry Morgenthau advocated shooting major Nazi leaders when captured, exiling others, with German POWs assigned to rebuild what they destroyed.Secretary of War Henry Stimson advocated a trial process focusing on: labeling Nazi atrocities and waging a war of aggression as part of a criminal conspiracy. Initially Winston Churchill reportedly favored execution, however, Stalin disagreed. Ultimately, at Yalta (February 1945) it was decided that the Allies would pursue the judicial route.

Shortly after FDR’s death in April 1945, respected jurist Robert Jackson was asked to be Chief Prosecutor for the United States. In this unprecedented series of trials, the powers, with differing judicial systems, had to sort through complex legal matters to create a format, the nature of charges, and a code of rules.24 defendants in primary positions of power in the Nazi regime were tried in the first trial.On August 6, the Charter of the International Military Tribunal, establishing the laws and procedures for the trials was signed. After some debate, it was agreed to hold the trials in Nuremberg for both practical and symbolic reasons. Nuremberg, although mostly destroyed, had an intact courtroom and hotel, and was the site of themany of Hitler’s horrific speeches, and the infamous Nuremberg Laws which the Nazi’s had stripped Jews of their rights.In this first trial, the 24 defendants tried were in primary positions of power in The Nazi regime. Not included were Adolph Hitler, who committed suicide, along with Heinrich Himmler, and Joseph Goebbels. Martin Bormann (Hitler’s adjutant) was tried in absentia. (It was later confirmed he died in Berlin while trying to flee during the last few days of the war). Robert Ley (Head of the German Labour Front) committed suicide shortly before the commencement of the Trial.The defendants included among others: Hermann Goering (Hitler's designated successor), Rudolf Hess (Hitler's Deputy Führer), Joachim von Ribbentrop (foreign minister), and Albert Speer (armaments minister).There were two primary phases to the prosecution’s case. The first was to establish the criminal nature of aspects of the Nazi regime. The second focused on establishing the guilt of these specific defendants.Horrific and overwhelming proof was presented. In fact the Nazi’s own meticulous records proved effective evidence. Along with records, films taken during the liberation of camps were shown, to the shock of those in attendance.What was the outcome of the Major War Criminals Trial?On Tuesday, October 1, the defendants entered the Nuremberg courtroom for the last time. Sir Geoffrey Lawrence instructed them to remain seated during the reading of the verdicts.Sentences were announced in the afternoon for the convicted defendants. Lawrence began with Goering: \"The International Military Tribunal sentences you to death by hanging.\" Goering left the courtroom, expressionless. Ten other defendants (Ribbentrop, Keitel, Rosenberg, Frank, Frick, Kaltenbrunner, Streicher, Sauckel, Jodl, and Seyss-Inquart) were also

told they would die on a rope. Life sentences were handed down to Hess, Funk, and Raeder. Von Schirach and Speer received 20-year sentences, Von Neurath a 15-year sentence, while Doenitz got a 10-year sentence.The prosecution was successful in proving its case that cost over 40 million innocent civilians their lives in Europe alone and shocked the world with actual accounts of the atrocities committed by the Hitler regime. The indicted organizations were also found criminally guilty with the exception of: The General Reichsregierung Staff and High Command and The Sturmabteilung by virtue of the London Charter.How were the punishments carried out?The executions were carried out October 16, 1946 by hanging.The executions were carried out October 16, 1946 by hanging, using the standard drop method. This was in violation of usual military procedure of death by firing squad an important issue of dignity for–those sentenced to death. The executioner was John C. Woods. The executions took place in the gymnasium of the court building, which was demolished in 1983. The pervasive rumor was the bodies were then taken to Dachau and burned. In fact, they were incinerated in a Munich crematorium and ashes were then thrown into the river Isar. Those sentenced to incarceration were transferred to Spandau Prison in 1947.What were the attitudes and point of view of the defendants?During the trial, many defendants claimed either ignorance, or pointed the finger at primarily Hitler and Himmler. A few expressed remorse. Dr. G. M. Gilbert was a prison psychologist assigned the responsibility of monitoring the behavior of the defendants while they stood trial and following the verdicts. Here are a few of his observations (excerpted):“Goering came down first and strode into his cell, his face pale and frozen, his eyes popping. ‘Death!' His hands were trembling in spite of his attempt to be nonchalant. His eyes were moist and he was panting, fighting back an emotional breakdown. … He said that was glad that he had not gotten a life sentence, because those sentenced to life imprisonment never become martyrs. But there wasn't any of the old confident bravado in his voice. Goering seems to realize, at last, that there is nothing funny about death, when you're the one who is going to die.“Rudolph Hess strutted in, laughing nervously, and said that he had not even been listening, so he did not know what the sentence was and what was more, he didn't care.“Ribbentrop wandered in, aghast, and started to walk around the cell in a daze, whispering, 'Death!-Death! Now I won't be able to write my beautiful memoirs. Tsk! Tsk! So much hatred! Tsk! tsk!' Then he sat down, a completely broken man, and stared into space. . .”

\"Don't let anybody tell you that they had no idea.” Frank Hans, the Butcher of CracowFrank Hans, called the \"Jew butcher of Cracow said: \"Don't let anybody tell you that they had no idea.Everybody sensed there was something horribly wrong with the system. Hitler has disgracedGermany for all time! He betrayed and disgracedthe people that loved him! ... I will be the first to admit my guilt.\" When hanged he wore a beatific smile.Hess suffered from paranoid delusions, apathy, amnesia, and was diagnosed as having a \"hysterical personality.” Hess, sentenced to life in Spandau prison where ultimately he remained its only prisoner—was lost in his own mental fog until at age 93 (1987) he committed suicide. His final statement was reportedly how it had been his \"pleasure\" to work \"under the greatest son which my people produced in its thousand-year history.\"The strange case of GoeringHermann Goering testified wearing a gray uniform and yellow boots. In a long examination, he discussed the Nazi rise to power, saying: \"Once we came to power, we were determined to hold on to it under all circumstances.\" He showed no remorse and offered no apologies claiming the concentration camps were created to “remove danger.” Janet Flanner of the New Yorker described Goering as \"a brain without a conscience.\" On the day before the executions, October 15, Goering wrote the following note to the Allied Council:“I would have had no objection to being shot. However, I will not facilitate execution of Germany's Reichsmarschall by hanging! For the sake of Germany, I cannot permit this. Moreover, I feel no moral obligation to submit to my enemies' punishment. For this reason, I have chosen to die like the great Hannibal.\"He then ingested a smuggled cyanide pill and late that evening committed suicide, rather than face an undignified death.Amid the executions, however, The Council, placed his body beneath the shadow of the scaffold to prove he indeed was dead. He was wearing black silk pajamas and a blue jacket.Perhaps, most disturbing was the very “ordinariness” of those in the dock with the exception of higher I.Q.s than average. These were men with families, who played with dogs, told jokes, and for the most part, looked nothing like their Aryan ideal image. Years later, reporting on the trial of Adolf Eichmann, Hannah Arendt wrote of \"the banality of evil.\" Most Nuremberg defendants never thought of themselves as villains, yet were unable to appreciate the inhumanity of their ambitions or the cost.–The subsequent trials

Following the Trial of Major War Criminals, there were 12 additional trials held at Nuremberg over the next two years, grouped together as the Subsequent Nuremberg Proceedings. They differed from the first trial in that they were conducted before U.S. military tribunals but were also located at the Palace of Justice in Nuremberg.They included among others:The Doctors Trial (December 9, 1946-August 20, 1947), in which 23 defendants were accused of crimes against humanity, including medical experiments on prisoners of war. The experiments ranged from studying the effects of high altitude and malaria to sterilization.The Judges Trial (March 5-December 4, 1947) in which 16 lawyers and judges were charged with implementing the eugenics laws of the Third Reich. Of the 185 people indicted in these subsequent Nuremberg trials, 142 were found guilty. Among the verdicts, 12 defendants received death sentences, eight others were given life in prison and 77 received prison terms of varying lengths, although many were later reduced. The remaining defendants were removed due to illness, or committed suicide.The trials of lesser German and Axis war criminals continued in Germany into the 1950s and resulted in the conviction of 5,025 other defendants and the execution of 806.Was there criticism of the trials?There were some respected jurists who debated the Charter’s legality primarily on the grounds of: Ex post facto laws (whether one could be held criminally liable for breaking laws that did not exist at the time of the actions in question); Double Standards as The Trials exempted the allies, particularly the Soviets, from being accused of “similar” acts of aggression.The legacy of the TrialsThe aftermath of the trials were enormous and changed international jurisprudence by setting forth specific guidelines constituting crimes against humanity.In addition to denying “martyrdom” to leading Nazis by exposing their inhumanity to the world, the findings led to:The 1948 United Nations Genocide Convention (1948) and Universal Declaration of Human RightsThe Geneva Convention on the Laws and Customs of War (1949). The Nuremberg Principles, 1950.The 1968 Convention on the Abolition of the Statute of Limitations on War Crimes and Crimes against Humanity.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Precedents for the trials of Japanese war criminals in Tokyo (1946-48); the 1961 trial of Nazi leader Adolf Eichmann (1906-62); and the establishment of tribunals for war crimes committed in the former Yugoslavia (1993) and in Rwanda (1994).The fictional film, Judgement at Nuremberg (1961) combined elements of several trials (but most nearly resembles the so-called \"justice\" or \"Alstoetter\" case). At the conclusion of the Trial, the Chief Justice Haywood played masterfully by Spencer Tracy, sums up the harsh reality, making the case for decency, accountability and humanity: \"A country isn't a rock. It's not an extension of one's self. It's what it stands for. It's what it stands for when standing for something is the most difficult! Before the people of the world, let it now be noted that here, in our decision, this is what we stand for: justice, truth, and the value of a single human being.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/49684732.htmlThe Politically Correct Yinglish DictionaryJul 5, 2009by Marnie Winston-MacauleyEver wonder the politically correct way to say “kvetch?” Well it’s “Contentment- Challenged.”Irving was not selectively separated for his alternative body image, but because of his ethical disorientation!” Got it? No? OK. “Irving was not fired for being fat but because he’s a liar!” The great PC news was the extinction of negative racial and religious pejoratives. The bad news?When we stretch the language more than Spandex – and come up with worse, yet. Is “little person” really more PC that “midget?” “Least Best” clearer that “Worst?” Or “metabolically different” superior to “dead?”Face it! Yiddish and Yinglish, despite all its majesty, isn’t what I’d call “subtle.” Especially when describing “persons of flaw.” Most of us heard it from our mothers, fathers, and grandparents. Listen:“That moron’s a shmeggege, his wife’s the biggest yenta in town, and their son is King of theYutz’s.”In under 20 words, my Bubbe Bella could annihilate not only people, but whole countries, all through the magic of Yiddish.So, in the spirit of keeping Mama-loshen “Timelessly Relevant,” “Shared Capable, and “A -Linguistic Survivor,” I give you the POLITICALLY CORRECT YINGLISH DICTIONARY.I hope you find it a Knowledge-Based Mitzvah!THE POLITICALLY CORRECT YINGLISH DICTIONARYBaleboosteh: One terrific housewife! Not a speck of dirt!P.C. YINGLISH: A Shmutz-OppressorUSAGE: “She’s some fantastic shmutz-oppressor! You could operate on her kitchen floor.”

Boychik: A small male child.P.C. YINGLISH: Childchik (gender-free)USAGE: “Someday, little Hymie will grow from a childchick to a humanchik.”Bupkes: Nothing! Nada! A big zero!P.C. YINGLISH Negatively -ValuedUSAGE: “When he started playing the horses, they went from rich to negatively- valued!”Bulvan: A crude, rude ox! PC YINGLISH: Boorishly-OrientedUSAGE: “My boorishly-oriented brother-in-law ripped off the “fridge” door to swig the milk.”Chaim Yankel: A mister nobody.PC YINGLISH: Differently-InterestingUSAGE: “Exciting he’s not, but the way he blends in perfectly with the beige wallpaper makes him differently-interesting.”Chaleria: A tantrum thrower.PC YINGLISH: A Person With Difficult-to-Meet-NeedsUSAGE: “Not only does she have difficult-to-meet-needs, the last time she claimed her pastrami was fatty, it became a small police matter.”Chazzer: A pig. (Or a person who acts like one.) PC YINGLISH: Parasitically-GiftedUSAGE: “He’s so parasitically-gifted he’ll take home your leftovers.Chutzpah: Gall.P.C. YINGLISH: Brazen-Enhancement

USAGE: “That witch has so much brazen-enhancement, she brought her own chicken for Shabbos because, she told me, ‘yours is so raw, it’s still clucking!’”Dreykop: A swindler.PC YINGLISH: Emmes-ImpairedUSAGE: “Don’t buy real estate – or a used car from that emmes-impaired thief!”Farmisht: Confused; befuddled.P.C. YINGLISH: Directionally-DisorientedUSAGE: “For Hannuka, you gave a person who is directionally-disoriented an archery set?! Are you meshugge? (See below.)Gantseh Macher: He thinks he’s a big shot. PC YINGLISH: A Non-empowered -ElitistUSAGE: “He directed Fiddler for his shul, so suddenly this non-empowered- elitist think he’s Spielberg.”Klutz: Clumsy.P.C. YINGLISH: Spatially-DisadvantagedUSAGE: “He’s so spatially-disadvantaged, he trips over sneakers–he’s wearing!”Kvetch: A chronic complainer.P.C. YINGLISH: Contentment-ChallengedUSAGE: “Sophie’s so contentment challenged, her glass isn’t only half--empty—the other half doesn’t taste too good.Luftmensch: A perpetual dreamer.P.C. YINGLISH: A Person who Lives in an Alternative-RealityUSAGE: “In his alternative-reality, he could be an Isaac Mizrahi, if only he could sew – and had taste.”

Mensch: A person of substance!P.C. YINGLISH: Wensch (gender-free)USAGE: “Those Weinbergs are true Wenshes. I accidentally found out they donated a fortune anonymously to the shul building fund.Meshugener: Crazy. Nuts. Brays at the moon or anything.–P.C. YINGLISH: Creatively -LogicalUSAGE: “Who but Lulu would be creatively-logical enough to wear her underwear outside her dress?”Mieskeit: Ugly.P.C. YINGLISH: Uniquely-AttractiveUSAGE: “She has a wonderful ... personality – even if she’s uniquely-attractive.”Nudnik: A pest. A pain in the neckP.C. YINGLISH: Accomplished-AnnoyerUSAGE: “He’s such an accomplished-annoyer, he should hand out complimentary earplugs!”Nuchshlepper: A hanger-on.P.C. YINGLISH: Agreeably-Socially-ExploitedUSAGE: “OK, alright! Millie can come along. She’s so agreeably-social-exploited, she’ll pay for the gas and shlep the camping gear!”Shikker: A boozer.P.C. YINGLISH: Chemically-CompromisedUSAGE: “He could’ve held that sales job – if his boss hadn’t found him chemically-compromised over the cash register every –day.”Shlimazel: A luckless loser.P.C. YINGLISH: Mazel-Deprived

USAGE: “Talk about mazel-deprived! He could’ve aced that job interview – if that sudden lightning storm hadn’t temporarily short-circuited his memory, causing him to forget his name ... and where he was going.”(NOTE: Not only is he mazel-deprived, he spreads it to others, wrongly referred to as “shlemiels.” See below.)Shlump: A sloppy, unkempt person.P.C. YINGLISH: Shmatte-AppealUSAGE: “Hetty has raised her shmatte-appeal to create a new fashion movement: ‘Super Shlok.’”-Shmeggege:also: Shlemiel;Shmendrik; ZshlubVIP losers, fools, and idiots who may also be lazy and unkempt.P.C. YINGLISH: Sense Non-PossessorUSAGE: “That sense-non-possessor thought Tupak Shakur was a Jewish holiday.”Shnorror: Forever borrowing, taking advantage. What’s yours – is his. Or “should” be.P.C. YINGLISH: Non-Traditional SharerUSAGE: “My brother-in-law is such a non-traditional sharer, he moved in with us and I pay him rent!Shtunk: Smells, as in “bad!”P.C. YINGLISH: Aggressive-Nondiscretionary-FragranceUSAGE: “His aggressive-nondiscretionary-fragrance causes anyone within five miles to “nondiscretionally” faint.”Tsoures: “Trouble” with a Capital “T.”P.C. YINGLISH: Inconveniently Mazeled

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.USAGE: “They were audited in April, in May, they found termites, their son enrolled in Hamburger U in June, and in July the painters are coming! –Are these people inconveniently mazeled or what?!”Yenta: She’s a big-mouthed gossip!P.C. YINGLISH: Yenthim (gender-free)USAGE: “Those Shmecklers saw the receipt and told the neighbors how much we paid for our new dining set! Are these two yenthim or what?!”Yutz: Clueless ditz.P.C. YINGLISH Socially-SuboptimalUSAGE: “He may be socially-suboptimal, but at least he won’t hide it. Why?Because he’s a yutz!!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/The-Second-Time-Around.htmlThe Second Time AroundAug 25, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyWith the death of my husband, I’ve suddenly found myself part of a terrifying n ew de o r pm gah i c: e Jw i s hBoo ermSingle.Since the death of my husband, while mourning, filling out paperwork conceived by some compulsive lunatic in Washington, and various forms of meshugge advice, I’ve suddenly found myself part of a terrifying new demographic: Jewish Boomer Single.Here’s how. This last year, and particularly the last few months, I’ve stared at re runs of “The -Mary Tyler Moore Show,” in long T shirts that read: “owHHHHH How Can I Control My Life If I -Can’t Control My Hair.” So when the PR lady from a “Local Jewish Boomer Singles” group called to ask me to give a speech, I quaked, then determined, “It’s time to get UP a little (and definitely time to wash the T-shirt). First of all, I love sharing Yiddishkeit, but also, it might be an opportunity to meet interesting people who know that a mu mu isn’t the sound a cow makes.I finally looked in a full-length mirror -- something I’ve avoided for 20 years.Am I ready for this? No. But I took a baby step and did what the magazines say: I took “inventory” and looked in a full-length mirror, something I’ve avoided for 20 years, to answer the question: “Whoam I now?” Or in my case … “What?”After being married for so long, it appeared that without my knowledge, my upper arms went from firm to firmly able to wave in planes, and my eye bags are a good Plan B should I run out of Ziplocs.As for inventory, as a writer, I have three one-size-fits-no-one wardrobes: Three “gently” used gowns whose expiration date were 1990 when I bought them in 1995, and are age-perfect for Natalie Portman; two suits for when I’m forced to meet “suits;” and 300 torn shmattes that could be used in a low-rent production of Les Miserables. But hey, my husband and I were a perfect sartorial match.The hair you may know about … fucilli in revolt (or revolting fucilli).

So, before agreeing, I decided to attend one of their events to get the lay of LocalJewishBoomerLand. I tore through my pathetic closet to find something that: a) sort of fit -- someone; b) didn’t have an indelible ink stain or fuzzy feet attached, and most of all, c) might make me look 35 … if there were a power failure. Then I beat my locks into frizzy spirals warning each to stay put -- or else, waving garden shears to show them I was serious.As a young unmarried woman, while I wasn’t exactly a threat to Cheryl Tiegs, I “knew” the drill, felt comfortable meeting and greeting, and was pretty okay with myself.Now, a few years older, deafer, droopier, distressed, with a “social” IQ into negative integers my quaking would make Dr. Katz look like he’s on a Sominex drip.My son drove me to LocalJewishBoomerLand. What I found (God don’t punish me) was, to quote “The Producers,” LocalLittleOldLadyLand. Now before you get appropriately huffy, mamalas, I love old people; their insight, stories, wisdom. And most of all, I’ll be one soon. –But now Right ? now?? There they were: 16 women and three men who after introducing –themselves, told me their ages: “Darling, would you believe I’ll be 87 and a quarter in 13 –days!” The only people who count age in fractions are either toddlers (“I ‘fwee’ and one half”) or those proudly marking off the time when the smiling weather man announces, “And in local news, Ira Shmelowitz turned 100 today! Happy Birthday, Mr. Shmelowitz, who made hats for both Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover!”Oy vez iz mir! Either I’d grown cataracts, or the lady from “Local Jewish Boomers” left out in which century they “boomed.”In addition to fractional birthdays, another thing seniors and toddlers now seem to have in common is ... nursery camp, which I was “interrupting.” In every Jewish group there’s one “sha” lady whose “job” it is to shush. You whisper “hello,” she “sha’s” you. “Where should I sit?” “Sha.” “Where do I sign in? “SHA!” It seems I walked in during a round of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” led by three “counselors” who k-nocked each person on the shoulder when it was his or her turn to start.So, among the Goldbergs, the Steinbergs, and the Weinbergs, I gave up and “rowed” my miserable “boat,” praying for an “Iceberg.” Other songs included, “Happy Birthday,” “Pop Goes the Weasel,” and “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” (which I found in highly questionable taste).The next “activity” was “alphabet!” The leaders “explained” how it goes from “A to Z” and, in turn, we were to come up with a word starting with that letter. To make absolutely sure we understood, they told each of us what the next letter, our letter was. First I was “U” then I became “V” when one lady went to the Ladies room (or plotzed). I went with “VEZ MIR!”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.This was followed by “improv.” Each of us had to write something on a piece of paper, an exercise that took a half hour. I wrote: “YOU’RE MAKING ME MESHUGGE!!” I admit it. I wanted to watch these peppy tattoo-sporting, clearly non-Jewish “counselors”, attempt to pronounce it, which held out some promise of humor.It did.“Missaga?” “Meshaga?” “Mishgee?”The entire group cracked up, and yelled “‘MESHUGGE!’ IT MEANS ‘NUTS’” (With a silent “YUTZ” in the air.) Then, they proceeded to joke and talk, with great wit and knowledge about the economy, the election, the Mid-East crisis, and oil spills in the Gulf.Now, I was upset. First, I hated camp when I was five … and here I was back again, except the “snack” was prune juice.By the time my son picked me up, he had to pick me up. “What’s wrong with you?” he said.“Look at my ‘peers’” I responded. In under an hour, ego shattered, I had limped to the car, complaining of bursitis.But more upsetting: I would be them; these smart, wise adults who the world had reduced to “five and a half.” Oh God … would I be forced to be told the alphabet? Reduced to singing nursery rhymes?My fervent prayer is, I’ll still be around when these “leaders” turn Boomers … and I swear, I won’t make them sing “The Old Grey Mare.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/The-Shadchan-Stories.htmlThe Shadchan StoriesFeb 17, 2018by Marnie Winston-MacauleyShadchan stories, facts, foibles, and of course … jokes.Today’s subject: Shadchans, otherwise known as Matchmakers. After a few valiant tries on Jewish dating sites for people on Medicare, I turned my attention to the marvelous, complicated, ironic, issue of “marrying-by-matchmaker” or “shadchans.” With such a mind- boggling history, I got curious, researched, and now present you with some “Shadchan” stories, facts, foibles, and of course … jokes.“SHADCHAN” ROOTSThe role of the shadchan in ancient times can be seen in its root word shidduch (match) which signifies tranquility and peacefulness mostly for the quaking parents who were worried that –their kinder would be saddled with an “unworthy” or worse, wind up alone, knitting cat booties instead of sharing a brisket with a properly vetted mate.GOD, THE PRIME MOVER BUT NOT SHAKERWe Jews know that God Himself is the ultimate shadchan. He created humankind two –radically different improbables, who could cleave “as one flesh.” After all, we first heard the sampler: “Marriages are made in heaven” in midrashic literature. Then there was the first “best” pairing: Adam and Eve.In heaven, Adam and Eve asks the Almighty why this is so.\"Well,\" God replies, \"Adam, you didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and Eve, you didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.\"

This raises a thorny question. If God determines which two who among billions will make the journey, why all the legwork? And more, what about those couples who are not doing a dance of joy?One answer came from Rabbi Akiva. \"Everything is known to God, yet free will is given to man.\" God knows but We Jews must “do” the details.THE “SUPER-HUMAN-SHADCHAN”Hands-down, it was Eliezar, Abraham’s ingenious servant (Genesis 24:1-67). It seems that Abraham wasn’t enamored of the moral virtue of Canaanite women as a match for his son, Isaac. He sent his liege, under oath, abroad to find a suitable wife from among the members of his extended family. Eliezar tested Rebecca, daughter of a nephew of Abraham. The charming Rebecca proved her kindness, selflessness, and generosity and the shidduch was made between Rebecca and Isaac. And “love” – they learned.Excerpted from “Do You Love Me” – Fiddler on the Roof(Tevye) My father and my mother said we'd learn to love each other; And now I'm asking, Golde Do you love me?(Golde) Do I love him? For twenty-five years I've lived with him; Fought him, starved with him; Twenty-five years my bed is his; If that's not love, what is?(Tevye) Then you love me? (Golde) I suppose I do(Tevye) And I suppose I love you tooTHOSE WERE THE DAYS: THE NOBLE SHADCHANFor centuries, the matchmaker, entrusted with such a critical mission, was the learned, the temperate, the insightful (and connections didn’t hurt). Scholars and rabbis performed this lofty craft, and also saw the families through to the formal arrangements. The standards were strict. While beauty was a plus, the shadchan looked at family background, character, morality, intellect, piety, family pedigree and compatibility. A larger effect was to insure –Jewish tradition prevailed during the dark days of dispersion and exile, especially after the Crusades during the 13 and 14 century.th th GELTING THE SHADCHANThe shadchan turned professional at the close of the Middle Ages when the kinder caught onto the idea of “romantic love” -- a potentially devastating trend, threatening to demolish Jewish values. Anxious parents now added kopek-incentive.

By the 15TH century, scholars such as the Maharil, became professional shadchanim. Medieval rabbinic literature laid out the gelting rules. It spelled out how much, and when the shadchan was to be paid. Fair it was. If a match was a disaster, his fee could be refused. On the other hand, if this was a “match made in heaven” he could claim twice the fee, proving once again, We Jews pay for value.King of the Shadchans: Louis Rubin! As late as 1916, thousands of Jews still used professional shadchans (and some still do). The “deal” was generally 5% of the dowry plus a fee. One legendary matchmaker, Louis Rubin, in a 1938 interview in the New Yorker, claimed he’d arranged 7,000 marriages, never took less than $100 a case, and was cautious on the subject of photos of prospectives. “In most cases it’s just as well not to have them” unless, of course the subject was “unusually attractive,” he said.-- King of the Shadchans!STANDARDSScholarship was desired in a male … and when mated with wealth, a perfect match! A shidduch with a scholar allowed a poor girl to climb the social ladder. Yet this produced an odd irony. The daughters of the rich allowed the brilliance of their husbands to endure. The works of a poor girl’s scholarly mate was lost to posterity.FROM PIOUS TO YENTA!Gradually, over the centuries, the societal need for the shadchan diminished. Young people would allow no one, not even parents, to suggest a choice of mate. Shadchans themselves changed. The learned realized income and status was often given to individuals with no real skill and bowed out. From a heaven-sent master doing God’s work, the new shadchans who replaced them (in the 16 century) had a murky reputation as charlatans. In 500 years, the th shadchan went from exalted and admired to an object of mocking humor and scorn among many assimilated Jews. In the 20th century, “Yente” the matchmaker in “Fiddler on the Roof”, joined Dolly Levy in “Hello Dolly” who used a colorful bender of the truth.“But this woman you brought me looks like she soon will be forty!” said the prospective bridegroom to the shadchan.“Looks, looks. Don’t go by looks!”“You said she was twenty-eight! Is that true?”“Uh ... partly.”THE RETURN OF THE SHADCHAN!As we’ve seen, the shadchan has journeyed from holy, noble, and worthy, to farce, interloper, and yenta.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Today, in the find-a-mate jungle perpetrated by the digital age, the shadchan has been re- born by giant conglomerates promising us we will find “the perfect match” in the million- person mire. Just click on the site (with a valid credit card), to find your bashert! Sign up, and daily, a mega-puter becomes “God’s little helper,” spitting out a string of prospects. It also sends us messages and stats. “Hey, you’re doing great! You have 335 likes!” Or, “Try changing your profile.”How are “they” doing? Never one to avoid research, I tried three. After filling out pages of forms, preferences, likes, hates, ratings, beliefs, standards (which included “smart and educated”), I received my 100% perfect matches: One was looking for aliens in Area 51, the other told me he got all A’s in fourth grade. God doesn’t “glitch” – computers do.Eh … So what’s a mature Jewish person to do?We’ve come a full circle. Going “custom” with a reliable “shadchan” is still the way, even if I live on matzah for a month. After all, even the Torah obliges us to pay for this excellent service which will bring us blessings and our true bashert. So singles, take heart …According to Rabbi Michael Alony, a 22-year- old Jewish man left his home, and, with his Catholic girlfriend, traveled to Nepal to “find himself.” He received word his father died.Devastated, he visited the Western Wall in Israel. As is custom, he wrote a note to slip into a crack: “Dear Father, forgive me for causing you pain….” Another note fell to the ground: “Have no regrets. I love you” – signed by his father. He stayed in Jerusalem, and the couple parted ways. Four years passed, during which he studied at a Yeshiva. Time now, to find a wife, a matchmaker put him together with his old girlfriend! She too, had remained in Jerusalem, studied at a Yeshiva and converted. The two lovers reunited again under the wedding canopy!