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Treblinka was a death camp where people came off the cars and were immediately slaughtered and burned in mass pits. Almost 900,000 Jews were killed by a staff of only 150. There were less than 100 known survivors.Also in Poland were the Chelmno and Majdanek slave labor camps, and the Sobibor and Belzec death camps. Of the million Jews who were sent to Belzec in 1942, only two survived. The rest were murdered by a staff of 12 SS men and some Ukrainian helpers.Q: What was the “selection” at the death camps?A: At the entrance to each death camp, there was a process of selection (Selektion in German). An SS officer, frequently a doctor (in Auschwitz, this was the infamous Doctor of Death, Josef Mengele), made this call based on age, and health. Pregnant women, children, the elderly, the handicapped and those who appeared unfit for hard labor were sent to the \"left\" targeted for instant murder. Those chosen for slave labor were sent to the \"right.\"–Q: What was life like in the camps for the slave laborers?They were totally dehumanized. Their hair was shorn (and used to make thread, socks, mattress stuffing, and rope). All their personal possessions were confiscated. They had to wear striped garb and ill-fitting shoes. Each was tattooed with a registration number. More, they learned of the murderous fate of their loved ones… those who were sent to the \"left.\"They slept on wooden bunks in cramped barracks, stacked like cordwood. Three prisoners slept side by side, and when one wanted to turn, they all had to turn. Toilets were an overflowing bucket.Each morning, they would be assembled, standing for hours in extreme weather conditions for roll call. They were then marched to their work detail of hard labor, followed by another roll call.Food was usually some watery horse-meat soup, and a small piece of bread. Starvation was a never-ending form of torture.Q: What were the Nazi \"medical\" experiments in the camps?A: As prisoners arrived, Nazi doctors would choose those for \"experimentation.\" People who were physically different for example, twins and dwarfs were earmarked. At Auschwitz, the ––two most notorious doctors were Dr. Carl Clauberg and Dr. Josef Mengele. Clauberg focused on finding bizarre ways to sterilize women. Mengele experimented on identical twins, to find a secret to cloning the “perfect Aryan.\"

At some camps, prisoners were exposed to high altitudes, freezing temperatures and extreme atmospheric pressure to test their reactions and ostensibly provide “research” for German soldiers. Prisoners were also purposely infected with hepatitis, tuberculosis and malaria.Victims of these inhuman experiments were almost always murdered and dissected. Adults were left deformed, and medically mutilated.Q: What was the role of the infamous gas chambers?A: Gas chambers were the Nazi’s chosen method of industrializing the death camps. The first mass gassing of Jews took place in the Chelmno camp. In order to avoid rebellion, the Jews were tricked into entering the gas chambers, which appeared as \"showers.\" Prisoners were told these were \"disinfecting rooms,\" and greeted by signs that said: \"Cleanliness brings freedom!\"Once the victims were crammed inside, the doors were bolted closed, and pellets of a powerful insecticide called Zyklon B were put into the vents, releasing poison gas. Victims died a torturous death. It took 20 minutes to kill all those in the chamber; the chambers at Auschwitz-Birkenau could kill 6,000 people in 24 hours.After gassing, laborers would \"examine\" each body and plunder those with gold teeth. The bodies were then brought to fiery hot crematoria for final disposal.Q: What was the death total at these concentration camps?A: Auschwitz-Birkenau 2,000,000. Belzec 600,000. Bergen-Belsen 70,000. Buchenwald ––––56,000. Chelmno 340,000. Dachau 30,000. Flossenburg 30,000. Majdanek 1,380,000.––––Mauthausen 95,000. Ravensbruck -90,000. Sachsenhausen 100,000. Sobibor 250,000.–––Treblinka 900,000.–Humanity’s Response to the HolocaustQ: What of the claim that many German citizens \"did not know” about the Holocaust as it was happening?A: When Nazi Germany became a genocidal state dedicated to exterminating Jews, every major institution was involved. Churches provided the birth records of Jews. Jewish property was seized by the Finance Ministry. Universities became centers of research on efficient murder. Government transport bureaus supplied the \"cattle cars\" to the camps. The vastness of these most unspeakable crimes means that no one can claim being \"an innocent bystander.\"Virtually every Eastern European citizen witnessed their neighbors being hauled away, rounded up into ghettos, and forced into cattle cars or on a long death march. Millions of citizens witnessed crematoria smoke stacks, mass graves, shootings and torture. They all

share responsibility for allowing the brutality to continue by feigning ignorance.Q: What was the role of big business in the Holocaust?A: German corporations such as BMW, Daimler-Benz (Mercedes-Benz), Messerschmitt, and Krupp used slave labor. A German chemical conglomerate, I.G. Farben, invested millions of Reich marks to build a petrochemical plant at Auschwitz III, staffed by human slaves.American companies also participated in fueling the death machine. For example, IBM provided precision technology to facilitate Nazi genocide by tabulating census data with special \"computer\" punch cards. With such information readily accessible including family –trees, address changes and personal data the door was shut on Jews who had hoped to –hide from Nazi claws. Every Nazi concentration camp also maintained a system of IBM punch cards to keep tabs on inmates.Q: Did the rest of the world step in to help the Jews during the Holocaust?A: For Jews attempting to flee the Holocaust, astonishingly, most of the world had no \"room\" for them. As far back as 1938, a conference consisting of 32 countries met in France to discuss the \"refugee\" crises. Nothing concrete was adopted, and Jews were left to languish, locked in by the Nazi death machine.Q: What was the United States policy toward Jewish refugees?A: The U.S. did not pursue a specific rescue policy for Jewish victims of Nazi Germany until 1944. Reasons included financial uncertainty, xenophobia, and anti-Semitic attitudes on the part of the public and major government officials. In 1944, FDR bowed to pressure from some government insiders and American Jews, establishing the War Refugee Board which rescued thousands of European Jews. He also designated that Fort Ontario, New York, become a free port for refugees. However, only a few thousand refugees were allowed to enter, and only from liberated, not from Nazi-occupied areas.Q: Did U.S. policy change after the war?A: Unlike FDR, President Truman favored a liberal immigration policy toward refugees, issuing the \"Truman Directive\" on December 22, 1945, allowing more refugees to enter. Yet the numbers remained small: 23,000, two-thirds of whom were Jews. Due to intense lobbying by American Jews, in 1948 Congress passed legislation to admit 400,000 refugees, but only 20 percent were Jewish as entry favored agricultural laborers, mostly Christians. President Truman considered the law \"flagrantly discriminatory against Jews.\" It was amended in 1950, but by that time most Jewish survivors had gone to the newly-established State of Israel. By 1952, 137,450 Jewish refugees had settled in the U.S.

Q: What was the response of American Jewry to the Holocaust as it was happening?A: As documented in the book, The Deafening Silence: American Jewish Leaders and the Holocaust, the mainstream American Jewish leadership shockingly worked to deny the entry of Jewish refugees into America. Led by Rabbi Stephen S. Wise, they feared that Jewish immigration would provoke anti-Semitic backlash. Some American Jews, notably Peter Bergson, worked feverishly to save Jews, in contrast to the intransigence of the mainstream Jewish leadership.Q: What was the role of the American media to the Holocaust as it was happening?A: As documented in the book, Buried by the Times, the American media largely ignored the Holocaust. The New York Times – the newspaper of record implemented an editorial policy –that minimized and diluted history's worst genocide. This was due primarily to the assimilationist outlook of the Times' Jewish owner, Arthur Sulzberger, who for political and personal reasons did not want his paper characterized as \"Jewish.\"For example, as the genocide of Hungarian Jewry hit full stride, with 400,000 Jews murdered and another 350,000 to be exterminated within weeks, the Times posted the news as a small item on page 12. Of more than 17,000 Times editorials during the war, only five mentioned Europe's Jews. By defining the Holocaust as a non-story for the national media, the Times made it impossible for others to galvanize the public or politicians to save Hitler's Jewish victims. Other media took the cue; BBC records show explicit orders not to report on the Holocaust.Q: What was the response of other nations to the Holocaust as it was happening?A: Great Britain claimed they had no room to accept Jewish refugees. Australia said: \"We don't have a racial problem, and we don't want to import one.\" Canada said of the Jewish refugees: \"None is too many.\"Holland and Denmark offered a few refugees temporary asylum. Only the Dominican Republic offered to take in 100,000 Jews, but due to the overwhelming situation only a relative handful of Jews made it there.At War's EndQ: As the war wound down, how did the Nazis deal with the camps?A: In late 1944, the Nazis became trapped between the Soviets in the east, and Britain and the U.S. in the west. Knowing that defeat was inevitable, the Nazis tried to destroy evidence of the Holocaust. The SS let prisoners starve, shot many who survived, or evacuated them on

long death marches in an attempt to move them into Germany. At Auschwitz, Himmler ordered the crematoria destroyed and human remains thrown into pits, then covered with grass.Q: What were the death marches?A: Between the Fall 1944 and Spring 1945, hundreds of thousands of camp prisoners were subject to forced evacuations. After already being brutalized, starved and diseased, they were marched for miles in the freezing cold without water, food or shelter. Those who couldn't keep pace were routinely executed on the spot, as described in Elie Wiesel’s haunting book, Night. An estimated 100,000 Jews died during these \"death marches.\"Q: Who were some of the major architects of the Holocaust, and what happened to them at the end of the war?A: Joseph Goebbels, Nazi minister of propaganda, was with his family in Hitler's underground bunker during the final week of the war. On May 1, 1945, Goebbels' wife poisoned her six children, then she and Joseph Goebbels committed suicide.Heinrich Himmler, chief architect of the concentration camps, was captured by the British at the end of the war, but committed suicide before he could be brought to trial.Adolf Eichmann, director of the Final Solution, escaped from Europe. In 1960, with the aid of Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal, the Israeli secret service captured Eichmann in Argentina and secretly brought him to Israel for trial (1961). He was hanged in 1962 for crimes against humanity.Hermann Goering, commander of the Luftwaffe (German air force), had a rabid ambition to control the German economy. Not only did he plunder Jewish businesses, but personally stole major art works. He committed suicide the night before his execution.Martin Bormann, head of the Party Chancellery (Parteikanzlei) and private secretary to Hitler, advocated extremely harsh, radical treatment of Jews and passed along Hitler's orders for Jewish extermination. He disappeared after the war and his fate was shrouded in mystery and supposition. In 1973 forensic experts established \"with near certainty\" that a skeleton unearthed during construction in West Berlin was that of Bormann.Adolph Hitler and his wife Eva Braun committed suicide in their bunker, 55 feet under the Hitler's chancellery on April 30, 1945. Per his instructions, their bodies were wrapped in blankets and carried up into the Chancellery garden where they were burned.Liberation and TrialsQ: Who were among the first to liberate the death camps and what was their reaction?

A: Disbelief. On July 23, 1944, when Soviet soldiers liberated the death camp, Majdanek, most of the world initially refused to believe the reports of the atrocities they found. When General Eisenhower learned of the Ohrdruf concentration camp (a subcamp of Buchenwald), he ordered every American soldier nearby to visit the camp, so they should know \"what they were fighting against.\" After the war, many German citizens were forced to view the bodies at the concentrations camps. Eisenhower ordered every citizen of the German town of Gotha to tour the Ohrdruf concentration camp. After the town's mayor and his wife did so, they went home and hanged themselves.Q: What were the Nuremberg Trials?A: In August 1945, the Allied powers created the International War Crimes Tribunal to prosecute prominent members of the political, military and economic leadership of Nazi Germany. The trials were held at the Palace of Justice in the city of Nuremberg, in Bavaria, Germany. Presiding Judges were from the U.S., Great Britain, the Soviet Union and France. This was the first time in history that individuals from a nation at war were held accountable for crimes against humanity.The first and best known, the Trial of the Major War Criminals before the International Military Tribunal (IMT), put 20 top Nazi leaders on trial, including Hermann Goering. Specific charges included the murder of over 6 million Jews, pursuing an aggressive war, the brutality of the concentration camps, and the use of slave labor.A second set of trials of lesser war criminals included the Doctors' Trial and the Judges' Trial.Q: What were the results of the Nuremberg Trials?A: The verdicts were announced on October 1, 1946. Eighteen of the defendants were found guilty, three were acquitted. Eleven of the guilty were sentenced to death by hanging, the remainder received prison sentences ranging from 10 years to life.Most of the defendants proclaimed innocence, declaring they were \"just following orders.\" They also questioned the authority of the court to pass judgment. Dr. G.M. Gilbert, a prison psychologist monitoring the defendants’ behavior, observed:Hermann Goering said that he had naturally expected the death penalty, and was glad that he had not gotten a life sentence, because those who are sentenced to life imprisonment never become martyrs. But there wasn't any of the old confident bravado in his voice. Goering seemed to realize, at last, that there is nothing funny about death, when you're the one who is going to die.

Joachim von Ribbentrop, foreign Minister of Nazi Germany, “wandered in, aghast, and started to walk around the cell in a daze, whispering, 'Death! Death! Now I won't be able to write my beautiful memoirs. Tsk! Tsk! So much hatred! Tsk! tsk!' Then he sat down, a completely broken man, and stared into space...\"Albert Speer, Hitler's friend, architect, and Nazi minister responsible for the use of slave labor in armaments production, was one of the very few who expressed repentance and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. Speer laughed nervously: “Twenty years. Well, that's fair enough… I said the sentences must be severe, and I admitted my share of the guilt, so it would be ridiculous if I complained about the punishment.\"Q: What happened to Germany in the wake of the Holocaust?A: Western powers engaged in de-militarizing Germany and ridding it of Nazi symbols. Not only were 3.4 million former Nazis sentenced, but racial and other oppressive laws were eliminated, and Nazi organizations disbanded. Konrad Adenauer, German Chancellor from 1949-63, acknowledged guilt for the Holocaust and agreed to pay damages to individual survivors. In 1954 the West German government paid $6 million in pensions. By 1961, the total was about $100 million. By agreement, reparations were not meant to either lessen German guilt or \"repay\" Jews for the torment of the Holocaust.Q: Apart from the Nuremberg Trials, what other actions were taken to bring the Nazis to justice?A: Following the war, many activists were determined to find Nazis in hiding and bring them to justice. Many had been given asylum in South America. The most famous Nazi hunter was Simon Wiesenthal, a survivor who, with the help of various governments, located over one thousand war criminals, including Adolf Eichmann, the administrator of the slaughter of the Jews, and Franz Murer, the “Butcher of Vilna.\" Wiesenthal died at age 96, saying that he goes to his grave with two unsolved cases nagging him that of Gestapo chief Heinrich Müller, –and Alois Brunner, inventor of the mobile gas chambers who went on to become an advisor to the Syrian government.Altogether, 5,000 Nazi war criminals were executed, and 10,000 imprisoned between 1945 and 1985.From the AshesQ: Once the world knew the extent of the Holocaust, what actions were taken to ensure this will never happen again?

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.A: After the Holocaust, the U.N. formed the Commission of Human Rights in June 1946. In December 1948, the Commission approved two historic agreements: the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide, and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Today, with Iranian leaders threatening nuclear annihilation of the state of Israel, many are calling for their arrest and trial for incitement to genocide.Q: How did the Holocaust influence the founding of the State of Israel?A: The Holocaust gave new urgency to the Jewish quest for a homeland. As survivors found a home in Israel, within a few short years, they were again fighting for their survival. But this time it was in freedom – to carry the banner of \"Never again!” and insure freedom for Jews everywhere.Q: How is the Holocaust memorialized today in Israel?A: In 1953, Yad Vashem became Israel's official memorial to the Jewish victims of the Holocaust. The name \"Yad Vashem\" conveys the idea of a national depository for the names of Jewish victims who have no one to carry their name after death, as it says in the biblical book of Isaiah 56:5: \"In My house and walls I will give them a place and a name (yad vashem)… that will never be terminated.\"Yad Vashem is located on Mount Herzl in Jerusalem, and contains a Children's Memorial, Hall of Remembrance, a synagogue, archives, research institute, publishing house and School for Holocaust Studies. Yad Vashem also honors non-Jews who saved Jews during the Holocaust, as trees are planted for the “righteous among the nations.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/How-Jews-Eat-Out.htmlHow Jews Eat OutNov 3, 2019by Marnie Winston-MacauleyWhat h a sno e e er o eJwvdns in c eA b ra ahm ?W ai it n line orf ta ab le.Jews have a complicated relationship to food that’s only rivalled by the Japanese who face down the dreaded fugo fish that can kill a person if the chef had a bad night.It’s said that food is love. As Jews love a lot, it stands to reason we love a lot of food. Especially if we’re paying for it. In fact, even if we’re not actually “essing” we’re talking about “essing.”After lunch? “So, let’s have a snack.” After the snack? “So when’s dinner?” After dinner? “So where we going for dessert?”To this day I find it astounding when I ask a Gentile friend what they “feel” like eating and they say … “whatever.” Worse, when we go to a restaurant they actually stand quietly behind people with reservations.What has no Jew ever done since Abraham?STOOD ON LINE WAITING FOR A TABLE. EVERY JEW KNOWS EVERY HEAD WAITER AND SCHMOOZES “HEY BERNIE! WE’RE BACK BOYCHICK!” Then they sail past 38people.As with everything, when it comes to restaurants, we have our special types that send the rest of us under the tablecloth. Let’s look.THE WEATHER “VAIN”

Wherever they’re sitting, it’s shvitzing or blowing on them. I have one friend, a performer, who schleps to restaurants in 90-degree weather in a wool scarf to protect her sensitive throat. Meanwhile, she’s screaming …“OY! CAPTAIN … IT’S AN OVEN IN HERE! PUT UP THE AIR CONDITIONING! WAIT, WE’RE MOVING TO ANOTHER TABLE.”We move.“IT’S BLOWING ON ME HERE!”THE PICKERThey have never, in 40 years, ordered. They say: “Listen, I had a late lunch, so I’ll just pick” – at your food. Walking around the table, hanging over each relative like ravenous buzzards, they pick from you. The Pickers are also very picky with their picking. They hone in on your one huge matzo ball, or your entire chicken breast. They’ve also mastered the art of eating their stash standing. THE PICKERS LAW: “While one is not ‘sitting’ one is not ‘eating.’ When one is ‘standing’ one is just picking” -- even if they’re balancing enough food to throw a small bar mitzvah.THE SPLITTERSA first cousin to the Picker, the Splitters usually come in teams. I had cousin and his wife who would a) invite us all out to eat; b) after the rest of us ordered a normal meal, like clockwork we’d hear: “Doris darling, I’m not really hungry. How about we order a cup of pea soup, one glass tea and we split–” thereby making the rest of us look like chazzers (pigs). c) when the check arrived for say, $75, they would casually look at each other, then out loud on cue: “Hmmm Doris … the three dollars there … that was us, right darling? For one tea and one cup of pea soup -- which we split?” Awkward silence. Waiter tapping. Finally, another guest would sigh and say: “Ok already” and grab the check. They could take their act to vaudeville – if it wasn’t dead.THE SUBBERThey order a chef salad, then say to the waiter: “Listen boychick. Instead of the Israeli salad can you maybe substitute a Caesar? Oh, and add a few onions. Now, forget the dressing.Instead on the side, put a little mayo. You can keep the lettuce, but do I need so many croutons already?” The Subbers put more waiters in hospitals than salmonella.THE GOLDILOXER OR SIBBER (SEND IT BACK-ER)The borscht is too cold. The tea is too hot. The fries are too limpy. The white omelet’s too white. Nothing is “just right.” So, looking like they just ate a bad sour pickle, they croak to the waiter: “Send it back!” The Sibber assumes that the chef is hiding the good stuff in a secret locker behind the restaurant. “Aha!” they think. “If I send this back enough times, I’ll force the

gonif (thief) to give me the secret pastrami.” Finally, on the fifth try, the bedraggled waiter brings the “secret” pastrami to which the Sibber, who has “tasted half” and “sent back” four then sighs: “Forget it! I lost my appetite already!”THE “I NEVER TOUCH ITS”They: 1. are “allergic” to everything from Streit’s matzo to table salt; 2. have decided that the Food and Drug Administration is on a mission to poison kishke; 3. never have nor ever will touch a food that grows next to an animal with less than six legs or is yellow. –“So waiter … exactly how is the boiled egg prepared?” “What?! You use salt?! I want to talk to the chef!” Going out with them involves an interrogation usually reserved for terrorists.THE “EQUALIZER”Equipped with a ruler, protractor, and food scale, the Equalizer is the group “measurerer.” If, God forbid, someone at the table gets an extra carrot, a fraction more brisket, or takes another roll, the Equalizer becomes the Emperor of portions. “Heh, heh, boychick … that’s two rolls for you. Not that I mind.” If you go “family style” they’re the ones who “divvy” with their -handy mircrometer that they borrowed from a friend at NASA. Their mission now is to correct the fact that when they were the youngest, they got the burnt end of the pot roast.THE CHECK MATERSThe Check Mate comes in three subsets:Subset One: The CheckMacher. The ones who always reaches for the check. They could have moved up from a cold-water flat to a house in Scarsdale 30 years ago but they still need proof that they now make more than their brother-in-law.Subset Two: The CheckChazzer. They never pick up the check. When it comes, they run to restroom, have a “senior” moment of “where am I?” or reach for it so slowly, the waiters have left.Subset Three: The CheckCruncher. Armed with glasses, a calculator, and a magnifier, they figure exactly what everybody ate, and owes. “OK, Mel, you had the tuna melt, $5.26 with the extra tuna? $5.56. Merna had a bagel and drank some of Selma’s tea which comes to $3.14 if you split the tea.” The CheckCrunchers also comes equipped with the Miracle Penny Cutter for those pesky half a cent conflicts.THE “FOR LATERS”Armed with a purse the size of the cargo hold on the QE2, the “For Laters” are obsessed with leftovers. Not only do they bring theirs home, they collect from everyone’s plate – kasha crumbs, 10 peas, the fatty corned beef scraps – “for later.” After the collection, they ask the waiter for a doggie bag and add: “would you put in, maybe a few cups of ketchup … and a challah?” The “For Laters” need to be carefully watched, as they are also capable of grabbing

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.leftovers from other people’s tables, which is not only embarrassing should the strangers notice their leftovers are missing, but dangerous, should their doggie bag contain the rancid meat they were going to use as evidence to sue the restaurant.Do you have your “special types?” By all means, share!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/How-Jews-Get-Their-Kids-into-College.htmlHow Jews Get Their Kids into CollegeJul 20, 2019by Marnie Winston-MacauleyBring a mattress to the admissions offi ce and say, “My son’s on your wait list. So I’m waiting.”A young stranger in New York was seeking Yeshiva University but the many directions he had received only confused him and he became lost. Luckily, he saw an old zayde approach him with a load of books under his arm. He stopped the professorial man.\"Tell me, sir, how do I get to Yeshiva University?\"The old man thought about the question for a moment or two and then replied, \"Study, young man. Constant study!\"For those of you who may not be in the know like I am, Justice officials have laid charges against parents have paid huge sums to get their kids into good colleges. The scheme involves a middleman who allegedly bribed SAT or ACT administrators into raising students’ test scores (by putting in a very smart ringer to take the test or change their wrong “A, B, Cs” to the right letter.) In another brainless strategy, bribes were given to college athletic coaches who allegedly created a fake athletic history of the student, even if the young prospect considers sun tanning an Olympic event.I ask you, is this stupid (never mind unethical) or what?First, if a child can’t get past printing his whole name on the SATs, Harvard might notice when he declares “Miming” as a major. Then, second, there’s the “athletic” scam. Forgive any hint of stereotyping, but Shlomo Meeskeiter, who spent 18 years in Williamsburg, Brooklyn happens to be a Defensive Specialist in Water Polo? Right.

While We Jews consider education a mitzvah and getting into good schools important, of course we’ve noticed that the last two AMs (Alpha-Meshuggah) generations have turned “fair” into“fuggetit”.So, here are some ways to give your kinder an edge that (probably) won’t get you arrested.1-Start early with the “right” Pre-school. If you live in a big city, when your kinder turns two, fly into action! Think of it as an “edu track” that starts in “the best” Pre--School and ends with you in an “I’m a Harvard Mom” T-shirt. To accomplish this, he must pass a toddler IQ test. Prepare! Make flash cards of his babbles. “Mom,” “Daddy,” and “Mine” are good. Make sure he memorizes them! (Pronunciation doesn’t count if he doesn’t talk yet.) Next up?Shapes. When he can draw a “hexagon,” God willing when he’s three, he’ll ace the test. Be sure to warn him against any “creative” babbling. When the tester asked my son to name two animals, he said: “Two hyenas.” We looked for clown schools.2-Move to A State Where Few Jews Are Applying: For years, colleges have had a “quota” system, at first to keep certain groups out, but now to get them in so they shouldn’t, God forbid, be politically incorrectly undiversified. True, “Jewish” is a special group. But if you come from a Jewish mecca such as New York or Los Angeles, being a genius is not so special. So, what’s a Jew to do? Simple. Move. Rent a condo during his senior year and send him to Cottonwood High -- in South Dakota. True, there are the blizzards and the occasional tornado, but how many kids are applying to Columbia named Chaim Cohen from Cottonwood? Trust me. By the time he graduates the chill will wear off.3-Make Your Kinder an Expert in A Rare Team “Sport” (That Doesn’t Involve Anything Physical): True, there are Jews in Ultimate Slamball, but more have invested in the stadium. However, as “athletics” are an admission “biggie,” find a sport where he won’t, God forbid, damage his future surgeon’s hands. Look for universities that have or should have, for example: Spelling Olympiads, Speed-debating, or Power Kvetching.4-Donate a Small Wing: Ok, true. This one could seem a bissel bribe-like by some no- goodnik. Wrong! We Jews have long funded educational endeavors. The Mandelbaum Wing for Matzo Study, say, at Notre Dame, is not only necessary but a mitzvah as it’s doubtful Notre Dame has such a department. And should your Shmooie happen to get in, whose business is it?5-Do an Ancestry Search: Princeton might be impressed if say, you learned that your great- uncle’s cousin was Albert Einstein. Go further back. Any connection to Moses, Rashi, even Hedy Lamar, the actress and inventor of Spread Spectrum Technology might help get your kinder into MIT. In doing a search, for example, we learned that my late husband, a proper

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.convert, was a direct descendant of Pocahontas. We let it slip to the admissions committee. Meanwhile, we figured if our son didn’t get his M.D. and support us in our old age, we could at least open a casino.6-Call an Emergency Family Meeting: We Jews have many many gifts. Nepotism is one. Network nepotistically! Surely among your aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, never mind their relatives on the other side, not to mention their mates’, someone knows a person on the admissions committee! I suggest you start this process when your kinder is accepted to pre- school!7-Sit! Yes. Should your kinder, say, be put on a wait list, send mama to the college. Take with you a trunk load of food. Also bring an inflatable mattress. Park yourself noticeably in front of the admissions office. Sit. Don’t move. When they ask what you’re doing there, repeat as follows: “My son’s on your ‘wait’ list. So I’m waiting.” Be polite but firm. Repeat this sweetly using the Basic Sigh. A moan wouldn’t hurt either. Keep it up until the admissions officer caves in admits your child, which, if he or she is gentile should only take 48 hours. If he or she is Jewish, be prepared to spend say, from Purim to Pesach. (They’re used to it.)

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/How-Jews-Show-Children-They-Really-Care.htmlHow Jews Show Children They Really CareAug 17, 2019by Marnie Winston-MacauleyFor example, show them what they’ll get when you die. Also tell them who will get bupkis.Who among us doesn’t adore our children? We’re Jewish are we not? But some ethno-types show their love differently. For example, while many parents feel their job is done when their child reaches 18, We Jews make sure our mamalas make it to the Medicare office on time.While many parents assume their kids will move out after school, We Jews keep them , inasking if they want Oreos or Metamucil with their cocoa. While many parents are thrilled their children are “normal,” We Jews assume ours are geniuses. While many parents put away a little something so they can buy an RV after retirement, We Jews will take out third mortgages so “little” 40-year-old Benjy can find himself in clown school.–SEVEN OTHER WAYS WE JEWS CAN SHOW OUR CHILDREN WE CARE … WE REALLYCARE!1.SEND FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUESTS TO ALL THEIR FRIENDS. This, mamalas, is only sensible. After all, they may have mistakenly “friended” a serial killer, or if not, should your child “disappear,” you now have a list of 1,000 people whom they may have disappeared with, or may know something the police can use. Now this is true caring, even though we may get horrible “abbreviations” from our kinder, such as LMA! DBM! or even the dreaded GTHOH! So do it before their friends tell on you, your child “unfriends” you, or FB cuts you off for Spamming.

2.SHOW THEM WHAT THEY’LL GET AFTER YOU DIE. We Jews are a practical people. We’re generally not skittish about life and death and who will get what after we’re “plotted” in Mt. Sinai – the cemetery. Invite your adult children over each month starting when you’re in your forties. Show them all the treasures you have, including the candlesticks and knick knacks that bubbe and zayde schlepped to America from Poland (even if they’re a little chipped). Explain in detail the history behind each piece of memorabilia. Hand write a list of who gets what and who should get bupkis. Serve cake. Under no circumstances actually change your will – until you’re on a respirator. This shows you truly care by leaving your options open.3.REFUSE TO BURDEN THEM WITH YOUR HEALTH. Instead, just your children: “I’m going for some tests.” Not telling them what tests or even when you’re going is the ultimate caring. Why worry them by explaining you’re going, say, for allergy testing? Why make them hysterical if you’re having your sinuses X-rayed? Why upset them because you’ve had lower back pain for 10 years and are finally getting an ultrasound? The truly loving Jewish parent will say nothing, but in fairness, just “alert” them – and see if they offer to go with you.4.SEND EACH OF THEIR DORM MATES A FRUIT BASKET AND TELL THEM TO BE NICE TO YOUR KINDER. It never hurts to help your kinder make friends. Should they be going to college, for example, and especially if your child has never been away from home, a nice fruit basket to each of their new roommates will help pave the way for enduring friendships. Sign it, “Rachel’s (or David’s) Mom. And should you have a problem, I’m here for you, too.” This is a truly loving gesture and by the way, it also helps should your child decide to work for the government. His or her sergeant or fellow FBI agents will so appreciate that your kinder came from a loving home.5.BUY THEM THE HOUSE NEXT TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. We Jews are not alone in this as we saw in “My Greek Wedding.” This is a ginormous gift to give without them even asking. For example, your daughter, a Park Avenue lawyer, is marrying the head of cardiac care at N.Y.U Medical Center. True, they were planning to buy a co-op on Fifth Avenue, but only five rooms? Feh! How much better they live in a 3,000 square foot house with an above-ground pool, in Queens, next to you, where they’ll have built-in babysitters someday. Not only are you showing your love by saving them money, you’re thinking of the welfare of your future grandchildren!6.MAKE HELPFUL SUBTLE SUGGESTIONS. You both know you did all you could to make the kinder attractive by fixing a few kinks as they were growing up, such as lopping a little from their nose, hair straightening, braces, fat camp, or removing a benign thing growing from them. But, upon reaching young adulthood, things can grow back. Do we stop

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.loving them? Of course not. We suggest, discreetly. For example, we can email links for waist trainers, Youtubes on acne treatments, and give gift certificates for Invisalign braces. A subtle nudge shows deep and abiding caring.7. USE AN ARRAY OF TRACKING DEVICES SO YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM.Putting a tracking device your children’s person and in their car is just common sense, especially should they be going away on a trip, to college, or taking a walk in your neighborhood. You may get some resistance, but how can they argue or object when you point out what happened to that 19-year-old, alone, on a dirt road, in England back in 1974? Sometimes “love” does mean having to say you’re sorry (even if you’re not). But a truly caring parent puts survival first! Taking preventive action shows that your love knows no bounds or –boundaries. Now, who else but Jewish parents would worry that their 25-year-old, might come across a lunatic will target your precious child who is visiting a friend, in say, Happyville, Oregon?If you have more ways We Jews show love our kinder in our “special” way, by all means, share!

https://www.aish.com/f/p/How_to_Praise_Your_Children.htmlHow to Praise Your ChildrenFeb 19, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyFive principles of healthy, esteem-building praise.Jonah came home from nursery school with his first drawing, a red “abstract” house. Not only did mom hang it, she eagerly awaited each of his masterpieces, morphing into Mama Chagall. “What talent!” she exclaimed, as she emailed scanned copies of his masterpieces to family, friends, neighbors. After spending a small fortune on art supplies and hovering over the “creating” Jonah, imagine Mama’s horror when one day her “Chagallala” gave up his “career” at age four and a half. Not only did Jonah refuse to draw again, but he ate five (non-toxic) crayons the red ones.–Reba won a beautiful baby contest. She was adorable. Family, friends, even strangers, told her, “You’re the most gorgeous child I’ve ever seen!” More ribbons followed. Until she entered the awkward tweenies when her curls went wayward, and she’d retained that “baby bloat.” In middle-school, Reba bombed with the “cool” group, and spent most of her time in her room, depressed, as she obsessed in front of the mirror over every flaw.During a car trip, little David offered to share a candy bar with his younger sister, Eva, who was whining. This backseat gesture had been previously unknown in David’s World. “You’re the best little brother ever!” exclaimed his excited parents at their son’s sudden show of generosity. That is, until David grabbed Eva’s Barbie and untwisted her head.After all that praise, where's the happy self-confidence? “Why is my child turning into Brat Simpson?” these parents wonder.Let’s take a closer look, in adult terms.One night, in a burst of unusual energy, you take over your wife’s usual chores. Thrilled, she says, “You’re the greatest husband in the world!” Such praise! Yes, I am one terrific husband! you think, puffing up. And then: Wait. Does she expect me to be that “great” every single time?!What do you do tomorrow? Be honest. You probably cut back a little or a lot.–

Now, take little Jonah, “the painter.” Even at age four he knew his work was just “okay” but so what? He enjoyed drawing his red painting – that is until he was “promoted” in praise to Chagallala. So he cut back. Under the spotlight of all that undeserved and unwanted pressure, he ate the crayons.Self esteem plummets under the pendulous weight of unhelpful praise.Onto our “beauty” Reba. All that praise on the altar of one specific God-given superficial “gift” left her clueless about her true measure, her real character- driven accomplishments. She, too, not only optedout, she hid in shame and depression.As for “best brother David” – five minutes earlier he had secretly wished his parents left his whining little sis at the last gas station. Some ‘best brother’ I am, he thinks guiltily. I only gave her the candy to shut her up. Then he performs a lobotomy on her Barbie to prove your error.Rather than raising esteem, it plummets under the pendulous weight of unhelpful praise. The child grows up with an unrealistic image that no one can live up to, which may drive our little one to give up, or become an empty-praise junkie.Five Principles of Healthy PraiseThe positive power of praise is well documented. As children grow, they need emotional feedback to mirror who they are. Praise is one way they learn about themselves. When they learn honest, specific positives, they develop confidence and esteem.But lavishing general, over-reaching praise often has the opposite effect, setting the child up for unrealistic and fraudulent expectations. Telling a child: “You’re a wonderful, son,” “You’rethe most honest person I know,” “You’re Mommy’s little angel,” “It’s always such a pleasure to be around you,” “You’re one great artist, writer, [fill in the blanks]. “You’re so smart, there’s nothing you can’t do,” they all sound like confidence boosters, but in fact, they land like “dares.”Praise is a lot like medicine. The right dose at the right time.These dares set up impossible standards. Parents may hope it’s true but our children know it’s not. After all, who could live up to such overwhelming kudos?Praise is a lot like medicine. The right amount and type at the right time can restore and contribute to our child’s well-being. But too much of the wrong kind or given at the wrong time and we’ve got one sick puppy for whom the praise:1.is inaccurate and won’t jibe with his or her own self-view.

2. raises anxiety as he feels like not only a fraud, but, like little David, one who may quickly lose his halo if he’s “found out.”3. could lead to impossible self-expectations. “I’m perfect or nothing,” then becomes the emotional compass.So how can we praise without “punishing?”#1: Praise realistic achievement specifically“Thanks for helping me clean the basement. It looks like new,” or “You followed the recipe, and we all really enjoyed your cookies,” instead of \"What a terrific cleaner or cook you are” telegraphs our children did a fine job, without raising anxiety by expecting them to be Bob Vila or Martha Stewart. Letting children know what they’re actually achieving offers a realistic emotional mirror. The message they hear? “My work really paid off! I did something new, and I can learn, listen, follow directions. It was fun, my family appreciated me. I feel sooo grown up and can’t wait to do more.”#2: Praise proportionallyProportion in any excellent recipe is critical. Too much sweet (praise) is as unhealthy as too much salt (criticism). Our child cleans her room well. It’s her job and her challenge. She deserves the simple, honest, recognition, not a marching band. We all want our children to own their real accomplishments, and not become “sugar junkies.”#3: Praise in the here and now without prophesizing or readying your mantel for a Nobel PrizeIn the Siddur we say each morning, \"A person must always acknowledge the truth and speak truth in his heart.” Over praising is a fundamental “untruth” and, despite well--intentioned praise, our children know they’re not deserving of all that glory. Not only do they feel the stress, they start to doubt themselves, and us. Ironically, hyper-praise can cause our children to either shut down, or become competitive at all costs. On the other hand, specific, proportional praise encourages children to believe in the value of a job well done.#4: Helpful praise allows the child to infer the truth about himself and his characterSaying, “I really appreciate you telling me I gave you a five dollar bill instead of a one,” beats, “You’re always so honest!” by letting children get the idea – for themselves that honesty is a –positive quality, one they can and should continue as an ethical standard that is important, noted, and respected.#5: Praise a good attempt, as well as accomplishment.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.“Wow! An 85 in math. That was a tough test. And I know you were worried about it. This grade shows you really put a lot into it and it paid off!” tells the child effort and perseverance are more important than instant success.Useful praise supports positive reality, acts as an accurate emotional mirror, and lets the child develop self-knowledge and ethics. With these character traits, children can then grow and mature with true confidence – confidence they’ve earned, and confidence they can trust.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/How-You-Know-Youve-Been-Jewelled.htmlHow You Know You've Been JewelledNov 24, 2019by Marnie Winston-MacauleyI fyo re ou 'nt J ew i s h b u t h v aea dop et d a n y to fhe e rs ta it s--m az l te ov , y o u ’v e been “Je e ew lld .”Yet another remarkable thing about being Jewish is … we’re “catching.” Yes. Put us in a group of say 501 people. Five hundred are Gentiles, then there’s Us. Trust me. Three hundred Baptists and 200 Anglicans will start saying “Oy Vey” when the lights in their church have a short.They’ve been “jewelled.”How do I know this? It happened to me. In college. During my sophomore year my entire dorm floor consisted of young girls from places like Tuscaloosa, Pukwana, and Hyannis. I stood as the lone Jewess from Queens amid accents that ranged from Gomer Pyle to female versions of William F. Buckley, who spoke “lockjaw” with their best friends – Muffy, Buffy and Bitsy.Put one Yiddishe cookie in a barrel, and boom! The entire barrel will turn into a ginormous babka.I can only imagine their parents during spring break:“Bitsy dahling! Whatever did you mean when you called Alistair a shmendrick while yachting?!”Yup. Bitsy was “jewelled.” Or, in simple terms they’ve been seduced by the majesty and handiness of “Jewishkeit.” Our humor, our words, our body language is simply irresistible.–

So, for my darling readers, you may want to discuss this phenomenon with your Gentile pals… and maybe even suggest it become a class you can add to the Sociology curriculum at Princeton.YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN “JEWELLED” WHEN …1. You suggest to your pastor that it might be nice to have a little “nosh” after the sermon and offer to organize several committees: one to debate the matter, one to discuss fund-raising, and decide if taking from the collection plate is “kosher,” and of course you’ll be in charge of a planning group to a) argue menu ideas; b) research in depth, where to get the best “nosh” for the best price and will deliver on a Sunday.–2.You’ve become highly sensitive to temperature. Anything below or above 72 degrees Fahrenheit and, you’ll either freeze or shvitz. You’re addicted to the Weather Channel, and start reporting twice a day to family members, who say, are lumberjacks named Sven in Mazeppa, Minnesota: “It’s going down to 65 degrees, take with you your Nordic jacket. Also take your mucklucks. I heard there’s an ice storm in Manitoba.”3. You start spitting “randomly” at even the mention of the possibility that something horrible may or may not happen. For example, your mother tells you “father” is taking his private plane to a meeting in Silicon Valley. While mother is wiping your spittle off her blazer in horror, instead of saying: “How fun,” your usual, you also add the number of small plane crashes since 2013. Alternative: For those without sufficient saliva, you’ve chosen “pooh pooh.” These new traits may actually increase the degree to which you’ve been Jewelled, as Granny Murphy may whisper you need a shhhh psychiatrist. She’s heard of a Dr. Greenbaum –or is it Greenstein one of those.–4.You’ve developed an unnatural fondness for pickles. Should you be out of them, you have a panic attack and do your imaging and relaxation exercises that Dr. Greenawitz taught you.5.You’ve joined J-date “just to look” with your friend Rachel Weinstein, signing yourself in as “Unaffiliated” which you rationalize is partially true as you were christened an Anglican, the family attended the Presbyterian Church, then for a while you became a Buddhist until great- auntie Olga took you to her Latvian prayer group. You also have a huge thing for any male in the IDF and Matiyashu–.6.At your cousin’s first communion, you’re the only one standing up and shouting “Mazel Tov!!”7. You buy your first curling iron, “Rockin’ Curls,” “Frizzerhands, and red hair coloring, thinking, “Gawd, I hate straight … how clichéd.” You return home looking like Little Orphan Anniewitz which goes extremely well with your Irish freckles, but less well with your mother who’s been cultivating “the Kennedy look” since 1980.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.8.If you don’t get an answer to your texts within five minutes, you immediately freak thinking:“My bf found someone prettier in Starbucks since we texted 23 minutes ago.” “All my friends are having a party, but didn’t invite me … of course.”“A terrorist has attacked my service provider.”At which point you text everyone you know with: “R U ALIVE?”9. You tell your family back in Dixieville you have a hankerin for kishke because it’s so gosh dang granny-slappin’ good you can plotz.10. You call a meeting of the family to “air grievances,” kvetching about the emotional abandonment you felt by not being called “mamala” every 15 minutes. More, how can they all pretend to adore each other when everyone “knows” Uncle Hayden stole the family fortune, Granny Lizzy really didn’t retire to South Beach – she’s rocking back and forth in the attic, and mummy got them in the DAR by using their ancestor Colonel Beauregard Buford whose only claim to fame was his loyalty to Benedict Arnold. Your goal is to make sure that as many people as possible come out of their emotional closet and vent three generations of silent frustration, after which you suggest a “group hug” to be followed by cake.Should you be a Gentile who exhibits any of the above traits … mazel tov, friends. You can duly and truly consider yourself to have been Jewelled.

https://www.aish.com/j/sod/I_Am_Spartacus.htmlI Am IssurJul 5, 2010by Marnie Winston-MacauleyK i r kD o u gl tas soodup or r efI sa a l nd h t e e Jw i s hpeople.h at 'sw h a t m a k e sh im a “Star of David.”The “Stars of David” section will tell the “I’m Spartacus!” stories throughout the year to give recognition to those people of conviction and courage and to inspire others to stand up for the Jewish People and Israel during these trying times.“Are you now or have you ever been ...”Say this to most Americans over the age of 50, and you’ll see a little shiver, and a fleeting flash of shame.“Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party of the United States?\" was the infamous question that paralyzed Hollywood from the late 1940s to 1960. Not because celluloid city was a cauldron of “reds” spying on audiences with listening devices in 15 cent popcorn buckets. But because of its connection to McCarthyism, named for Red Menace demagogue, Senator Joseph McCarthy, who liked his hooch stirred and his victims shaken. Playing off hysteria that the cold war would turn “hot,” he built fear, as Americans built bomb shelters and drilled schoolchildren to jump under wooden desks.McCarthy and his cohorts focused on flushing out Commies. Hollywood, with its Jewish, liberal bent, was ripe. Unconstitutional questioning turned into “naming names,” turning in friends. Civil liberties were stripped to innuendo, mistakes, lack of evidence. Taking the First or Fifth Amendment meant you were a “red.” America lost its conscience and failing to play had a consequence: Annihilation of your career; your life.Over 300 were vilified. Since Jews were American film, we were hit hardest: from Danny Kaye to Edward G. Robinson. Big names eventually came back, something not so easy for writers forced to go abroad or to use pseudonyms. One of the first 10 (known as the Hollywood Ten)

to refuse to answer was writer Dalton Trumby, who even won an Oscar writing as “Sam Johnson.”The divide and conquer strategy worked in a terror-ridden town, caught between their own bomb shelters, or the possibility of waiting tables at Schraffts, as the witch hunts grew rabidly paranoid under McCarthy’s watchful (or wonky) eye, that saw red all around .1960: The chiseled and talented Kirk Douglas was having a run that would make our A-listers gasp in awe. Issur Danielovitch, born December 10, 1916, to uneducated Russian (now Belarus)-Jewish parents, Herschel \"Harry\" Danielovitch and Bryna, settled with the family (Issur and six sisters) in Amsterdam, New York. His character honed by poverty, a loving mama who was a natural storyteller, his Jewishness and scars from being ridiculed as a Jew.He had to get out of there. He worked his way through St. Lawrence University and got a special scholarship to The American Academy of Dramatics (1941). He did it all: singing telegraph boy to waiting tables at Schraffts. At the Academy he met fellow Jew, Lauren Bacall, and his first wife.During WWII, he was in the Navy. Following injuries in 1944, he was medically discharged with the rank of lieutenant (j.g.).With Bacall’s help, he got the lead, then raves in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers. In 1948, he made his first of seven films with “other tough guy” Burt Lancaster. Three years after stepping on a sound stage, he was in Oscar territory for his gripping performance as an opportunistic boxer in Champion (1949), The Bad and the Beautiful, about blacklisting (1952), and as Vincent van Gogh in Lust for Life. He’d made it out.My kids never had the advantage I had. I was born poor. – Kirk DouglasIn 1955, he formed one of Hollywood's first independent film companies, Bryna, (named after his mother), and managed by second wife Anne, whom he married in 1954. Not thrilled with thedying studio system, he could make the films hewanted, including Paths of Glory, The Vikings Lonely , are the Brave and the film that would forever change Hollywood history.It’s 1960, and producer/actor Kirk Douglas had a piece of the sky. Fame, talent, praise, riches, and four sons. All he need do was keep doing what he was doing, and close the vault.Instead, he opened it and broke the back of the black list. He hired Dalton Trumbo, the –most “notorious” of the Hollywood Ten, to write the screenplay for Spartacus. What pseudonym would they use on the credits? Director Stanley Kubrik volunteered. Douglas

thought, “Enough!” And Spartacus was written by..... Dalton Trumbo who cried, when he finally re-claimed his name.And the sky didn’t fall, noted Douglas.The blacklist did. President-elect, JFK, saw the film. It was officially over, but unofficially, many remained scarred. Thirty years later, Douglas was formally recognized for this extraordinary risk. “I Am Spartacus!” became iconic.Douglas’s career soared with 80 films, including Lonely Are the Brave (1962), In Harm's Way (1965), Cast a Giant Shadow (1966), and The Arrangement (1969).But ... there was a “part” he felt he hadn’t played. The merging of Issur the Jew, and Kirk, the Hollywood cardinal.There it is, again and again, in the thousands of pages. His relationship to Judaism, especially when parts of his sky fell. His tragic helicopter accident (1991) in which he alone survived, his 1996 stroke, the loss of son Eric in 2004. We also learn of his second Bar Mitzvah at 83, his continued study; his wife’s conversion. His best-selling books starting with the autobiographical, The Ragman’s Son, the couple’s unstinting generosity toward Israel, Jews, all people seniors, Alzheimer patients, and children alike. His humanitarianism, as well as film –awards are staggering.“We were very poor -- but my mother said, ‘A beggar must give something to another beggar who is worse off than he.’ And that has stuck with me.” – Kirk DouglasLong before the crash and his second Bar Mitzvah, Kirk Douglas's behavior was shaped by his Jewish sensibilities: freedom, compassion, empathy, morality, family, justice, brotherhood, learning, Tzedakah have been his leitmotif.Last year, Douglas crafted what many thought impossible: at 92, following his stroke a one- man autobiographical show “Before I Forget.” After his final performance, son Michael presented him with an ice cream cone.An intensely meaningful gesture because more than 85 years earlier, young Issur “debuted” in a kindergarten play. His father, Harry, usually distant, attended. After, without a word, he bought his son an ice cream cone. That “review” meant more to him than any Oscar could.Not unlike sweets to celebrate the first day of cheder (Jewish school), that simple cone symbolized the sweetness of success, triumph, and 3,300 years of struggle, risk, and survival. And 85 years later Issur’s son returned the favor, placing another link in the chain.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.And whether he knew it or not, Issur was always a part of that chain. By the time Issur Danielovitch was a child, he had already tasted the sourness of injustice. He had learned that being a Jew would forever require the decision to either lose himself in the crowd or make –moral, Jewish choices. Even if some are messy or risky and can turn you from a Hollywood star back to a Hollywood waiter.No doubt all of these choices contributed to the character of a man who is not only one of our “Stars of David,” but one who can say… who would say …“I am Issur.”

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/If-Christmas-Songs-were-Written-about-Hanukkah.htmlIf Christmas Songs were Written about HanukkahDec 20, 2014by Marnie Winston-MacauleyMany Christmas songs were written by Jews. If instead they wrote their songs for Hanukkah, this is what they’d look like.Most Members of the Tribe (MOTs) know that some of the most enduring and memorable Christmas songs were actually written by Jews. To name a few, there’s “White Christmas” (Irving Berlin), “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” (Mel Torme), “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow” (Sammy Cahn and Jule Stein), “I’ll be Home for Christmas” (Walter Kent and Buck Ram), “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer” (Johnny Marks).-“Shlomo, the Red-Nosed Rabbi,Nebuch has a shiny nose…”It occurred to me, what if these brilliant songwriters penned Hanukkah songs instead? After all, not only do the trees, hefty gelt, and holly boughs of Christmas seem to dwarf our Festival of Lights intoday’s society, but face it … “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” and Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song” (plus a few most of us haven’t heard of) don’t exactly make us chalosh from tears of joy and remembrance. Nor do they reflect our hardships and dilemmas.So, in my simple way … I tried to correct this aberration and re-write their songs for , We usJews!1-TO THE TUNE OF \"THE CHRISTMAS SONG (CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPENFIRE)\" by Mel Torme and Bob Wells*

Latkes frying in a ganza pan, Candles dripping on your toes Dreidles spinning by your open fire While Sandler sings his Jewish proseWe know that Purim's on its way In costumes we'll all play.And every mama's kinder is going to spyThe chocolate coins on which they'll keep an eye.And so I'm offering this simple wish, To Maccabees from one to 2,502Although it’s been said many times, every way, May Hanukkah be a mechaya to you*About Mel Torme: Melvin Howard Torma was born in Chicago in 1925. His parents were Russian-Jewish immigrants. He was known by both peers and audiences as The Velvet Fog for his distinctively smooth jazz style. He wrote “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” with Bob Wells (Levinson) in 1944. Of the hundreds of songs he wrote this Christmas song was by far the most popular.2-TO THE TUNE OF “LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW!” by Sammy Cahn andJule Styne*NEW TITLE: “LET IT GO! LET IT GO! LET IT GO!”“While your machatunim may be frightful And your side’s so delightfulThis Shidduch you don’t want to blow So, “Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!These nudniks show no signs of stopping. An artery you don’t want popping.So put the lights on low.And “Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!The fire is slowly dyingAnd, oy vey, they’re still good-bying But for my son who I love so,(SIGH) I’ll Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

*About Sammy Cahn: The multiple Academy Award-winner was born Samuel Cohen in 1913 in the Lower East Side of New York to Jewish immigrants from Galicia. Cahn was a major songwriter of his day, writing for films and Broadway. He had a string of hits sung by Sinatra, Doris Day, and Dean Martin among many others.*About Jule Styne: A Broadway legend, Julius Kerwin Stein was born in England in 1905 to Ukrainian Jewish immigrants and moved to Chicago at the age of eight.3-TO THE TUNE OF “RUDOLPH, THE RED NOSED REINDEER” by Johnny -Marks* NEW TITLE: “SHLOMO THE RED-NOSED RABBI”Shlomo, the Red-Nosed Rabbi,Nebuch has a shiny nose. And if you ever saw itYou would even say it glows.All of the other RabbisSaid prayers for his allergies to go. They always let poor Shlomo Schnarfle and they let it go.On one foggy Hanukkah Eve, His son the doctor came to say, “OK, so your nose is bright, Papa guide my Shul tonight?”All of the Congregation loved him, As they shouted out with glee, Shlomo the Red-Nosed Rabbi, Went down in Jewish history!*About Johnny Marks: Born in Mount Vernon, New York to VIP Jewish parents in 1909, he was actually known for his Christmas standards, which also include: \"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree,” \"A Holly Jolly Christmas,\" \"Silver and Gold,\" and \"Run Rudolph Run.”4-TO THE TUNE OF “WHITE CHRISTMAS” by Irving Berlin*I'm dreaming of my first Menorah Just like the one I used to know;Where the candles glisten and children listen To hear the story of our foes.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.I'm dreaming of my first Menorah, Just like the ones I made in Shul.May your days be eight and light,And may all your Hanukkahs ... be bright.*About Irving Berlin: One of the greatest and most prolific composers in history, he was born Israel Isidore Beilin in Russia in 1888. His father was a cantor. The family moved to New York’s Yiddish Theater District in 1893 where “Beilin” became “Baline.” A true legend, the “Great American Songbook” is filled with his work and reflects his genius.5-TO THE TUNE OF “I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS” by Walter Kent and Buck Ram* NEW TITLE: “I’LL BE HOME FOR HANUKKAH”I'll be home for Hanukkah OK. You can plan on mePlease have latkes mit sour cream Because for you, I’m missing my dream.Hanukkah will find me Where my mamalas will be. But I'll be in Miami BeachIf only in my dreams*About Walter Kent: Born Walter Maurice Kaufman in 1911, in New York City the Jewish composer is most famous his musicals and reviews. In addition to the Christmas standard \"I'll Be Home for Christmas,\" he also wrote the touching wartime song, \"There'll Be Bluebirds Over The White Cliffs of Dover.”*About Buck Ram: The songwriter, born Samuel Ram in Chicago into a Jewish family was also a pop music producer and arranger. His most famous work was with the The Platters. He also wrote and produced for The Coasters, the Drifters, Glenn Miller, and Ella Fitzgerald among many others.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/If_I_Were_a_Rich_Woman.htmlIf Were a Rich WomanI Jul 2, 2011by Marnie Winston-MacauleyI write for a living. In other words, I ain’t rich.Some years ago, we made a truly horrific mistake. We moved to the best area and into the worst house to be in walking distance of our son’s school. Yes, there were other choices, but we were taken in by the “Location! Location! Location!” credo, which, to Mrs. Plotkin of Millennium 3 Reality, was an 614th Commandment, falling somewhere between loshon hara and not embarrassing others. (Embarrassing ourselves, however, was another matter.)So we bought “location” and a relic that was no doubt the original set for the diner scene in Bus Stop. In rotten neighborhoods these are called fixer-uppers. In good neighborhoods, they’re called “carriage houses.” (Much like the distinction between nuts and eccentric.) In fairness, the living room was huge.According to the original blueprints written in something resembling hieroglyphics, the living room must’ve been added on later -- when the “people” got taller. But the rest resembled a railroad flat, flanking the “real” houses with actual rooms.I first knew there was trouble when my son wondered why I didn’t wear diamonds to open school night “like all the other mommies,” or fetch him in a Lamborghini. He wasn’t spoiled, merely observant. Even a kid could see the difference between a Donna Karan blazer and a sweatshirt that read, “How can I Control My Life if I Can’t Control My Hair?”While being a minnow in Lake Superior is no shame, in the words of Tevye, it’s no great honor either.My reply? “I’m a writer.” Boom! After all, in New York City, virtually all of our “creative” friends, regardless of fame, reveled in “shabby chic.” “Creatives” don’t have to be rich “outside.” We have inner wealth! We deal in ideas, values quirk! , Yeah, that’s the mantra.And for years I got away with it.But, while being a minnow in Lake Superior is noshame, in the words of Tevye, it’s no great honor either.

Finally, my son, realizing our views were markedly different from our neighbors, asked me, when, in my opinion, you were “rich” – on the “outside?”Here’s my crumpled list.20 Ways you know you’re really rich (on the outside)1. You tell your family, “Look, if you don’t want it, just throw it out” without mentioning starving children or digging around the junk drawer to find an aluminum foil square small enough to wrap up the top half of an Oreo.2. You buy new underwear before the old ones disintegrate -- in Woolite.3. You wear them on regular days, not just state occasions, like your wedding.4. You regularly “upgrade.” When you think “plasma” your first thought isn’t Mount Sinai hospital.5.You don’t download movies, or wait the 10 years for them to be shown on AMC. You goto them.6.Moving doesn’t automatically trigger a garage sale.7. You don’t haggle over the price of an eight-track of My Yiddishe Mama at Flea Markets.8. You turn in your lawn mower for a “landscape architect.”9. You throw out make-up within 15 years of its expiration and canned goods within seven.10. You know from iPods, iPhones, and any other techie “i’s,” and your computer isn’t larger than your file cabinet.11.You’re not addicted to Extreme Couponing.12. You don’t bring a big purse with pockets to “All-you-can-eat” buffets. (Or wear a winter coat with pockets -- in 120 degree heat).–13. You don’t own a 1985 foreign car from a nation that has no vowels in its name and ceased to exist after the fall of Communism.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.14. You buy red shoes and you don’t own a red anything.15. All your ketchup bottles are right-side-up in your fridge.16.When you need a bottle of aspirin, you don’t automatically click on E-Bay.17. You actually need to buy: soy sauce, ketchup, mustard, Sweet n’ low, string, ribbons, bows, wrapping paper, baggies, tie-ups -- in a store.18. You leave half a tuna melt on your plate and don’t ask for a doggie bag.19. You buy toilet paper and tissues for the pattern.20. When something breaks, such as an air conditioner, heater, fridge, or toilet, you don’t “wait it out” for a season or two.True, we should be turning back to more spiritual values, especially in this economy. Yet, far too many have taken our cues from the media, and the “reality TV” people, where “rich” is nothing short of a sailboat the size of Lake Mead, a wardrobe by Versace and a 25,000 square foot “family media room” (for a family that hasn’t spoken to each other since their therapist -told them to take a “time out” in 1983.)And so the “Location! Location! Location!” people are still in business. True, I should have erected a FOR SALE sign right then and moved to a Location! Location! Location! that was a little bit more affordable…like in the Arctic tundra for example. One where the nearest neighbor’s prized possession would their values – and a block of ice.But, knowing human nature, no doubt some fool would soon move in and put up a bigger something in ice. And then, the neighbor on the left would carve a little something in his ice, prompting the one down the street to hire a sculptor to make a small but tasteful statue, leading to the guy around the corner erecting a Georgian igloo with Waterford windows, which would ...See what I mean?

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Its_the_Little_Things.htmlIt's the Little ThingsOct 13, 2013by Marnie Winston-MacauleyWhat me, worry?We all know that We Jews like to worry. Sure, others worry, but we invented worrry. The difference is this: “Oh look, Peter … a few drops. Let’s grab and umbrella and go singing in the rain.” and “Oy vey, a monsoon! Quick call flood control!”From our mishegoss came morality.In fairness, I don’t think God programmed us forworrry. However, to paraphrase the old Jewish joke… we may be special, but oy, over 3000 years, did we get neighbors? The good news is: from dealingwith mishegoss came morality; from kappores, courage; and from tsouris saychel, .So worrry is the price that comes with our territory, not to mention the $200 an hour to Jewish shrinks, as worrry can lead to maybe a few teeny obsessions. Interestingly, it’s the little things … the little guilts, worrries, and obsessions that fill our shrinks’ sofas. The way I figure, it’s not only cheaper for me to write mine, but after reading my mishegoss, you’ll feel so healthy by comparison, I’m also doing you, my beloved readers, a mitzvah!LITTLE OBSESSIONS BECAUSE I … WORRRY1- The Outs & Ins Most normal humans check that the windows are shut, they have their cash, cards, keys, then they actually go, confident that a) their premises are reasonably safe from marauding bandits; and b) they’ve brought what they need, for example, 10 years of X- Rays for the doctor. Not me. I have yet to actually exit –once. I lock the door, then it hits. “Did I turn the bath tap off or will I have to call Arks R Us?” So from out I go back . in Out again, it occurs to me, “suppose my Dollar Store glasses break in my farshtopte purse?!” I go back in to

stuff in another pair. I’m back out when I realize: “I bet my son waited for me to leave to turn up the thermostat and put on the lights!” Back in. The X-Rays are missing! I retrace my several thousand steps in and out. Ah, they’re on the hall floor. I back out, bend down, and my purse, in agony, explodes. All of which explains why I go out only to see the doctor and maybe get –a chicken salad sandwich.2- The shopping cart Cha Cha Cha. I admit it … I worrry about death by shopping cart. I’ll be honest, my friends. After shlepping all those small cheesy plastic bags to the trunk (along with picking up what fell from the bags) … I’ve had it. So the cart cha cha cha “Beguines” as I guiltily leave the cart then get in the car. Ok, so it’s blocking a parking space. Well, they’ll move it right? Guilt rising, I get out and push it –toward the cart place. Oy, it’s rolling. What if, God forbid, it crashes into a 107-year-old in a Hoveround; HEADLINES: “Jewish maidel kills Cyrus Gunther, last survivor of WW 1 by shopping cart. It was a freak accident!” So I chase the cart. Chaloshing, I finally shlep it to the “cart place.” After 20 minutes of this cha cha cha, I am now restored to a guiltless human being. (If you ask why I didn’t do this mitzvah in the first place, may your FB page be filled with “Unfriendings.”)3- WANTED! The other day a scooper at a chain of delis-cafes charged me a dollar less for a pound of chicken salad. Then, the cashier gave me the wrong change, so I was up three dollars, which trust me, in Vegas is like hitting three Pat Sajak faces. Ah, but now I can get the Black and White cookie whose price should be under Penal Code PE:101 for Pastry Extortion. Is it “stealing?” Hmmm. So. I tell myself a three dollar cookie?! I’m the victim, right? But … what if the mistake comes out of her paycheck? Or, suppose their accountant picks up the error and it becomes a small police matter? I went to the manager to confess. He filed a complaint against the chicken scooper and the checker.4- Ringa Ding Ding-a-Ling Did you ever maybe ding something in a parking lot? You pull out and you feel a little … bump (OK, a thwack.) You get out to assess. Your left brake light is hanging on the two foot wide concrete pole divider. Whew! You go.I stay, sweating. “Did I also maybe hit the car behind the pole?!” So, I lie on the floor and form a human protractor to test the possibility. “Nah,” I think. But then I realize I barely passed geometry. So, I check the car behind the pole. There’s a huge scrape. Could my car have somehow defied the laws of and gravity and jumped past the pole; an event no doubt caught on the barrage of Security Cameras, evidence for an arrest for Hit and Run? Oy, better leave my number on the windshield even though that car was parked illegally.–5-Worrry: Five Ends and Extremely “Odds” If by now you’re still unconvinced of my worrry=obsession=guilt (WOG) mishegoss … here’s a sample laundry list.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Early-ness. I worrry I’ll get lost, get a flat tire, or ding someone, so I leave two hours early to get someplace 15 minutes away to avoid the guilt of making a macher who could make me famous, wait.Sampling. “Try a sample” the nice lady offers in the market. I try, not one, but three … “to make sure.” Then that awkward moment of “To buy or not to buy.” I worrry I wasted her time. Among other things, I now own two cases of chipotle matzo.Separating the Good & Plentys. The white candy is Plenty; the pink candy is Good. Having them all mixed up seems neither good nor plentiful to me. I refuse to say more on the grounds that my son may take up a collection to confine me to a Swiss clinic.Have a teeny tiny worrry-obsession of your own? Share in the comments section below mamalas and do me and We Jews a mitzvah.

https://www.aish.com/j/f/Jackie-Mason--Me.htmlJackie Mason & MeMar 7, 2015by Marnie Winston-MacauleyI interviewed Jackie Mason 25 years ago. Here, for the first time, I tell the story.I’ve known Jackie Mason for 25 years. Close pals we aren’t. We’re somewhere in the happy acquaintance category, which today means “a glass tea” when he performs in Las Vegas with maybe rugelach, along with a conversation and look see over an article he’s writing.I first met the comic legend in 1988 when Theater Week, the Broadway “Bible” assigned me to do a major story on the man who prior, hit it big, went down hard after a major meltdown with Ed Sullivan, then came back with a roar on Broadway in his one-man show, “The World According to Me” entering superstardom, a status he’s maintained all these years.Jackie, not surprisingly, was obsessed with deli.Our meeting was during the ferocious Manhattan Pastrami War in the summer of '88. To know Jackie is not easy. Despite the “Heh heh” and “Hey mister” accessibility, there’s a curtain he drops. To “know”him is not necessarily to know the man himself.I did learn it helps to be obsessed over deli. It seems he had an argument with the owners of one of the-then two hot delis, and pulled his business, going to the other. This was big news in the deli world, where slicing for Jackie was an honor, second only to serving the Israeli PM. Even his crumbs brought in business.There we were in the “rival” deli. Jackie, his group of pals, his relatives at the next table – and a nervous writer next to him me. He orders in his staccato –hecsent: “Listen, bring me a pastrami sanawhich (TO ME) you’ll have half, I’ll have half, also a half glass tea with a nepkin …

she’ll also have tea …” and so it went mit the halves around the table. After his long-awaited “revenge-by-success” this was a heppy man holding court.To Jackie, this was a people's court over which he presided, alternatively as inquisitor, observer, and ultimately final authority over what will or will not become part of his comic world. A tourist from Detroit approached with his nine‑year‑old daughter for an autograph. \"So. Are you Jewish?\" he asked the hapless fan who said he was Italian. \"But your wife not –Italian, right?” Irish. \"Ah ha! I knew it!\" he exclaims. Most slap‑em‑on‑the‑back‑leave‑em‑laughing comic would turn back to his pastrami by now, after the obligatory fan \"shmooze.\" Not Jackie. \"So, what do you do in Michigan?\" he inquired scouting material as the flattered fan, who made something for cars no one understands, explained, then left us to “the interview.”Or so I thought. With a hock and a klop, it was back to table tennis. “So, the Vice President’s -in a hotel room with some guys and a lobbyist. Heh, heh. Maybe they call her a lobbyist because she hangs out in lobbies.\" The fast‑paced game of Borscht belt badminton was in high gear as Jackie volleyed to improve his serve. Whether deductive logic, debate, argumentation or light deviations into the world of the nose job. (“Is it or is it not polite to ask?\"), all were equal in this court as each issue underwent a \"but on the other hand\" treatment of near‑Talmudic proportion. I learned that “the deli” like all the other places in Jackie Mason's life, is where the complex mill of his mind gets its grist, where kitch turns into kishka.Oy … two hours and between the pals, the relatives, the fans, I sat with my crumpled questions, not getting a word in which is unheard of given that in my own world I talk under anesthesia. But then, I’m not Jackie Mason. Getting nowhere, we met again. At the same deli. More “hef a pastrami.” More “Shmooie” pals, more strutting down the streets of Manhattan, chest forward, much like a proud peacock replete with red-plumage, “heh hehing” to -strangers who were yelling “Jackie we love you!”By now, I developed a full-fledged eye tick. The New Yorker was also doing “Mason” and my entire article consisted of “heh heh.” Desperate, I called his PR person and “told on him.”We made a date to meet alone. On Pastrami overload, I said a silent prayer when I learned his lobby, where we were meeting, was on Park Avenue, which I assumed was deli-free. I was wrong. “Listen … three Israelis opened a deli just lest week across the street. (Oy vey.) And by the way that hat you’re wearing – not good.”And so I learned that the clown with pisk hates direct confrontation. The hat, I assumed was a dig for telling on him. But, by now, he was wearing down with me and my refusal to use a –tape recorder he could perform to.

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.Born in Sheboygan, Wisconsin and raised on New York’s Lower East Side, Jackie, or Yacov Moshe Maza was the fourth child of six, destined by family tradition to become an Orthodox rabbi. When he made the decision to stop his studies and run up to the Borscht Belt to hone his distinctive brand of Yiddishkeit humor it was also a serious personal business. “I never told my father. I kept hiding, avoiding,” he said. And his sibs kept his secret.“And what would your father think of your success now?” I asked. He stopped and thought. “My father would have said, if your son is a thief, does it matter that he was good enough to steal a million instead of ten?” We’re getting somewhere. His Yiddishkeit that often involves unmasking absurdities and hypocrisies through debate, while not officially rabbinical, often has a rabbinical rhythm: In his masterpiece called “The Real Me” he re-enacts a discussion with a psychiatrist over the logic of searching for himself. (“If I don’t know who I am, how will I know who to look for?”)Known for talking to members of his audience, he may appear to hit on people at random. “It’s not. I watch, and if I feel a person would be uncomfortable, I’d never choose him.” He also taught me my greatest lesson about humor. Despite his casual manner, humor cannot be superfluous. While he may change inflection, the material is tightly choreographed. The lesson? “A wrong word, an out of place word to an audience is like a pimple, a rash.”These were not his salad days, but “The World According to Me,” was the main course that thrust him into legendary status.Oh, and in that deli on Park Avenue? The owners went wild kvelling when he walked in and I think called Tel Aviv. Suddenly a lot of their relatives appeared, eager to serve and observe.We ate and ate, until the connoisseur, leaned over –to me and whispered, “Oy Marnie … is this food chaloshes or what?” So what did he do? He hid bits of the food in napkins which he asked me to hide around the restaurant never to be found, while he thumbed up the owners and stood for endless smiling pictures to put in their window. Hey, they were Jews. And in any war between bad deli and Jews, Jews will win.He had an odd habit, no doubt born of his show biz re-birth. Before performances, he would peek around the curtain to count the house. “So, eventually they cut a hole, so I shouldn’t be seen,” he explained.My hunch is he still does it. Listen mister, there’s no need. Just mention his name in Sheboygan and anyone will tell you Yacov Moshe Maza is and always will be, a hit.–

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jew-Years-Resolutions.htmlJew Year’s ResolutionsDec 29, 2012by Marnie Winston-MacauleyI won’t call the FBI if a loved one is 10 minutes late. 15 minutes, maybe.While the secular world is reveling with the streamers and pointy hats We Jews are once again, ahead, having already moved into our New Year months ago.I’ll be more supportive of my child’s choice of career.make plans!To paraphrase my pal, Freddie Roman:Those of you out here tonight of the Christian faith, you are lucky. Every year, December 25 is th Christmas. Every year, exactly the same. You couldIf the Jewish people don't have the Manischewitz Seven Year Calendar, we have no clue.For example, our holiest day, is Yom Kippur…Well, a few years ago, Yom Kippur came out on October 27, which made Yom Kippur that year very late.And there isn't a Jew in this room tonight that didn't say last year, 'You know, Hanukkah’s early.'You see Jewish Holidays are either later or early. We are never on time.\"Come the secular New Year, making resolutions is part of the frivolity. A Jewish life, while not filled with frivolity, is definitely filled with resolutions.So what’s a Jew to do when, on January 2nd some nudnik wants to hear our secular list? Do they want to hear:1. Be perfect?2. End hunger?3. Create world peace?4.Eradicate all dread diseases? (And of course)…5. Join a gym?

For these we pray. We have to. But when will they happen? Who knows.Now as a practical people, We Jews, then, might make secular resolutions that are realistic, do-able, and have a shot.SIX JEWYEAR’S RESOLUTIONSJew Year’s Resolution 1: “I won’t call the FBI if a loved one is 10 minutes late.”This is do-able. We can, however, create a small police matter should they be 15 minutes late. True, not all lateness means they were hijacked on the Grand Central Parkway, but if so, you’ve checked and know that 15 minutes isn’t enough time to cross State lines. A few realistic local preventive measures are only good common sense.Jew Year’s Resolution 2: “I’ll be more supportive of my child’s choice of career.”He wants to be an actor-lyricist-waiter instead of a pharmacist? Fine. You’re there for him and will prove it by mortgaging your house to pay for his Jersey debut in his new musical: “Katz.” Meanwhile, alert the family that you may need help getting him into pharmacy school.–Jew Year’s Resolution 3: “I will follow the experts and eat four meals a day.”According to experts, it’s healthier to eat four small meals a day than three big ones. The more times we eat, the more stable our metabolism which should help us finally lose that “baby bloat” -- when we’re 40. However, when defining portion size they’re using “G Weight” -(Goyim weight) which is far different from “J Weight” (Jew weight). “They” deal in ounces. --We deal in slivers (just a “taste,” usually a pound), morsels (food that you can take in a single bite, two pounds), and smidgens (enough for a small Bar Mitzvah). And remember, you’re counting portion size! A pound of shmaltz is equal to a pound of carrot strips. So, if you really want to be fit, eat what you want, just stick with the “slivers.”Jew Year’s Resolution 4: “I will give less guilt when others fail to call me enough.”Is it their fault they don’t call to reassure you? Of course not. They know where they are, and if God forbid, you have an emergency, they figure somebody would text them: “MERMHA” (Mom in ER, Maybe Having Heart Attack) so they need to call every day? Besides, hocking them doesn’t work. No. Instead of guilting, take responsibility. “Friend Them” on Facebook and IM “’R Y OK?” at least twice a day and make it public. If they “Unfriend\" You – start your own page. Trust me, they’ll call.Jew Year’s Resolution 5: “I will not cross examine my loved ones’ romantic -relationships.”

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.On a rare occasion maybe you’ve been a little confrontational; embarrassed a family member; saw your daughter run from you geshrei-ing? No more! Of course you must know if a loved one is dating: a) a Jew; b) a person of substance; c) a person at all, which is why they built Search Engines such as Google. Hunting is not only allowed, but cautionary. Should you find a reason to doubt, use the Search Engine, write in: “Rent-A-Yenta” and move into the year with clean hands and heart.Jew Year’s Resolution 6: “I will change the way I occasionally constructively criticize.”By now you’ve learned that, despite your superior wisdom on everything from choosing a mate, a career, child-raising, cleaning, running a business, or making a matzo ball, nobody listens; nobody cares. You can, however, teach by example. Your son’s wife can’t make a decent cup tea? Sanitize a floor to your satisfaction? Visit … with “leftovers” she can freeze, and cleaning supplies. You might leave notes with Smiley faces saying: “Just so our little grandson doesn’t, God forbid, get beri beri or Ebola. Love Mom.” See? Mission accomplished, without anyone misunderstanding that it comes from love.So mamalas, there you have it. Six of my Jew Year’s resolutions. So Nu, what are yours? Share them in the comments section below!

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jew-Years-Resolution.htmlJew Year’s Resolutions?Dec 26, 2015by Marnie Winston-Macauleyh e : m S“pen mdore tim e t w ih fam ily.”U s :“O ver3 500ye r as , we e pre’vtt ym u ch mastered this one.”It’s not our holiday or even our New Year’s. Of course the secular New Year is hard to ignore when 99 per cent of the world is staring at a ball, while screaming, blowing things, and singing Auld Lang Syne. The next day, after football and mega ham and cheese hoagies they face the dreaded task of making “resolutions.” Do they keep them? I have a Gentile friend who makes the same ones every year. She’ll lose 10 pounds, eat healthy, and get rid of her desk job. She’s a trooper, that is, until January 3 where you’ll find her facerd -down in a chocolate layer cake under her cubicle. This, of course, is why she makes the same resolutions every year.We Jews on the other hand are expected to practice our religion and beliefs daily, no excuses. Do we fall short at times? Of course, but much of our lives are spent trying to be good Jews, empathetic human beings, and give back to the world and those we love.The usual secular resolutions may be fine for Gentiles, but for us? Given our unique point of view … we would ask “Do we need it?” Let’s look.*GENTILE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION 1“Spend More Time with Family & Friends.” Over half of the U.S. population resolve to spend more time with loved ones.IS THIS A JEWYEAR’S RESOLUTION?

We Jews have spent 3,500 years nailing this one. If we’re not bringing our 40-year-old children brisket, we’re “checking in,” checking for moles, paying for them to “find” themselves, building a third floor so they and their children can move in, and maybe having them followed by a government agency with three initials. This is not an easy task, but We Jews are on the job when it comes to spending time with loved ones. In fact, if we spent any more time with them, they might decide to re-locate to Sri Lanka, or block us on Facebook.HELPFUL JEWYEAR RESOLUTION: “This year, I’ll think about myself … for a change. (SIGH)”*GENTILE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION 2“Get fit.” For non-Jews, regular exercise is a good thing. Studies have shown it helps them live longer, lowers blood pressure, is good for their arthritis, makes them look better, and perks up their mood.IS THIS A JEWYEAR’S RESOLUTION?We need to be perky? We need bodies like Heidi Klum or “Arnold?” We’ve learned that only a yutz is perky and leaving himself wide open for (pooh pooh) a nasty treadmill accident. Our big skill is running. A floor that keeps shlepping us back could futz badly with our DNA. Now, we can finally stay in place. And we should keep moving?! Meshugge. Show me one Jewish kinder who chose the Jungle Gym instead of the swings? I, personally, exercised with jacks to increase my finger strength so I could hold a gezunta pastrami sandwich in half a hand. But more. According to research done at the Boca-Technion Institute, the MJM or Modern Jewish Metabolism works best when it’s not disturbed by jumping, twisting or climbing. Vertical makes us dizzy. I actually found a doctor on the Internet who agreed exercise is bad for you. (Trust me, it wasn’t easy.) But remember, We Jews are mostly a horizontal group that revs up lying down. For MOTS, a hammock is healthy and unless you move, chances are you won’t break anything vital when you fall off. I would, however, recommend you purchase a cheap stationary bike that goes nowhere, and enjoy the extra space upon which to hang your husband’s underwear.HELPFUL JEWYEAR RESOLUTION: “This year, I’ll lie down more and maybe think about watching golf.”*GENTILE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION 3“Travel and enjoy life more.” Who doesn’t say, “Mildred, now that the children are 16, it’s time we took a trip. I was thinking we could rent an RV and drive to a Harmonica Museum in Tuscaloosa, or maybe something exotic like entering the BBQ contest on the Food Network?”IS THIS A JEWYEAR’S RESOLUTION?

Copyright © 1995 - 2020 Aish.com, https://www.aish.com.Aish.com is a non-profit and needs your support. Please donate at: aish.com/donate,or mail a check to: Aish.com c/o The Jerusalem Aish HaTorah Fund PO Box 1259 Lakewood, NJ 08701.We Jews maintain a three point destination: Miami-New York-Jerusalem. In over three millennium we haven’t “traveled” enough? But instead of running “to” we’re usually running “from” – Czars, Nazi’s, and neighbors in sheets with eye holes and matches. A split-level in the suburbs, with a lawn, a gate, where traveling consists of walking to Shul and strolling back home is mechaya for MOTS who are contented not to shlep through borders unless of –course, we’re crossing into Miami or Mount Sinai (not the hospital).HELPFUL JEWYEAR RESOLUTION: “This year, I’ll put more effort into ‘staying put.’”*GENTILE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION 4“Quit stressing out. Take up a hobby.” How many Gentiles do you know suffer from chronic stress, hold it inside, put on a happy face, and have an intimate acquaintance with the three olive martini until one day they burst and men with white coats come to collect them.–IS THIS A JEWYEAR’S RESOLUTION?To We Jews, stress is our hobby. It’s also both a healthy preventive and fuel for action. Thanks to stress, we move to “get involved” by worrying about, then fixing our mates, kinder, and the vilda chaya next to us in the elevator at Bloomingdales. Stress is our Trigger of Love.According to the renowned Jewish Indian doctor, Duvid Deepakawitz, our tolerance for stress is biologically higher than any other creature found in nature. The more stress, the more we and our dearest feel we’re “on the job.” The Doctor also added that “even little stresses, say, your brisket is dry, your daughter is 15 minutes late, or your mechatunum wants your grandchild to be named ‘Loki’ after their dead Uncle Lichai is seen as not only a wonderful opportunity to ‘mix in’ but does, in fact, make an absorbing hobby.” What? A smart Jew needs to put a puzzle together showing Mt. Everest during a snow storm?HELPFUL JEWYEAR RESOLUTION: “This year, I’ll look for ways to extend my loving stress and involvement to strangers in an effort to create world peace.”So there we have it. While the rest of the world is resolving to jump, run and get nowhere, toodle around in an RV, and practice bulimia, We Jews are working on staying put, being OK with who we are, and extending the “who we are” as a gift to our neighbors and the peace process.

https://www.aish.com/j/fs/Jewcrastination.htmlJewcrastinationAug 12, 2018by Marnie Winston-MacauleyH o w J ew sc a npro rca s t in at e prod u c t iv e ly .As a writer, I am constantly battling urgent obstacles that make it hard to focus on my job. This had me thinking – could it be that there’s a Jewish way to be “busy?” While some might call it “procrastination,” We Jews are a highly productive people. I doubt Spinoza, Einstein or Jonas Salk “wasted” time even when they weren’t exactly thinking. Or … maybe they were getting ideas by procrastinating “Jewishly.”Fill your time by debating important issues on social mediaIn an effort to support this line of ingenious logic, here are my 10 ways We Jews can Procrastinate Productively along with its PV or Productive Value.JPP: JEWISH PRODUCTIVE PROCRASTINATIONJPP 1: Debate Important Jewish Issues on Social Media: For example, “Which are better? Floaters vs. Sinkers?” “Who truly owns the rights to hummus?” and of course, even if you don’t have a Ph.D., Hamentashen vs. Latkes.” While you have to be a VIP to participate in this yearly academic sport, why not start a blog? In fact, if you don’t want to bother with the “versus” just debate the latke. Professor Silbey, at MIT, reported that “latke” got 380,000 hits on Google, while \"hamantaschen\" only got 62,000. With numbers like these you can spend a few hours a day recording “Latke Likes” – and make new Jewish friends.

JPP 2: Increase the Majesty of Yiddish: We’ve all heard it or been called it: “Zaftig.” The problem with this Yiddish word is when describing a person, what is the describer describing? Listen: “David, I’m telling you, she’s a little zaftig, but gorgeous.” Now, this could be a great thing, however, the “but” here could mean Goodyear could advertise on her. Isn’t it time we sat down and created new Ameridish words for “zaftignicity” to differentiate the curvies from the “could lose a few blintzes” from the “she’ll show up on radar.” For example, while doing this article, I thought of “zaftigele,” “zaftigedish,” and “zaftignaseous!”JPP3: Get Comfy with Jewish Culture: Whether you’re “zaftignaseous!” or not, listen to the 1937 version of the Andrews Sisters singing Bei Mir Bistu Shein—on loop. The title means “To me you’re beautiful.” According to the new Krankheit Institute in Guatemala, this constant reinforcement was found to be 110 per cent superior than Reichian therapy should one feel farklempt.JPP4: Be Playful and Jewishly Inventive. Play the dreidel game with yourself. As you –know, normally players spin the dreidel on their turn and follow the instructions: a) If you get “nun” you do nothing; b) gimmel; you get the pot; c) hey, you get half the pot; d) shin you put in a piece. Personally, I recommend bittersweet chocolate coins for the pot. Stop when you’ve won enough to delight all the Incas, which of course, you will … if you play long enough.However, If say, you’re due in surgery, re-design the game pieces so they only read a or b.JPP5: Contribute to Jewish Art: Spend at least 3 hours, choosing a design, background, color palette, font, and sizing to create the ultimate Power Point showing the beauty of the Dead Sea.JPP6: Be Health Conscious! Make time daily to check all your medications for their expiration dates. Then, call your pharmacy and remind them to remind your doctor that your omeprazole (Prilosec) for your heartburn has only one refill and you need at least three, as you’re visiting your in-laws in Scottsdale for the High Holy Days. While you’re on the phone ask what else a) comes cheaper by prescription? b) you can get in generic? (Yesterday, I found my pharmacy keeps a secret stash of Vitamin B for four dollars. Get your vitamins prescribed!)JPP7: Teach People You’ve Outed: Insist on social media that Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge is Jewish (her maternal grandparents were the Goldsmiths, and not “Sir Rexford” and “Lady Daphne” but Ronny and Dorothy) then write her a guide to how to be a balaboste Jewish princess. I’m halfway through mine. Chapters include: “Kashrut: Toad in the Hole Doesn’t Have to be Treif,” “Making Simple Work of 678 Mezuzot,” “Royal Melmac: Milchig & Fleishig.” Of course the good news is she’s already making an excellent Yiddish Mama. First, titles shmitles. True, her mama-in-law is the Queen but her own mama is the Knocker. Also,